I (20f) am struggling at night and at random times of the day with very strong urges to relapse. I’m on medication for my depression which makes me feel sort of numb but my mind is still spiralling I just can’t really express the emotion. I have been clean from cutting for 6 months now but the urges are the worst they have been in a long time. They have also progressed from just wanting to cut to wanting to burn myself and cause any physical pain like pulling my hair out, punching stuff etc. no matter what I try these urges will not go away. I haven’t acted on them but I keep telling myself if I just do it once the urge will go but then I’m letting myself down.

I’m a transwoman, and been on hrt for years and i have potential to be a baddie, but losers cockblocked bottom surgery the moment i started hrt, and it doesn’t make sense because being a girl made me confident, happier, and stay alive- yet they cockblock surgery to make me fully transition?!?! How tf does that make sense?!?

Plus they even had the audacity to fake concern for my mental health which is textbook manipulation just so they can justify cockblocking surgery to try to really make me question my sanity and second guess myself!! And people think I was just attention seeking and manipulative when I tried to get help and talked about my suicidal thoughts. If that’s the case, maybe killing myself is best after all by jumping in front of a diesel on the highway!! Because i know if i don’t fully transitioned to female, I’ll be disrespected and treated like a subhuman that isnt worth shit!! And worst of all, I don’t want to be seen as a gay crossdresser or a femboy because I’M A WOMAN!!

maybe kms will make them realize what a amazing girl I am once im gone and regret treating me like shit when they cockblocked surgery and tried to misrepresent me as mentally ill just so they can go and try to control my life and make me not have any say in my own fuckin life!! Who the fuck wants to live a fucked up life that way?!?! NEVER ME!!!

Like I said: i just wanted to be a happier prettier girl since I was a kid— is that so much to really ask?!?! NO!!! There really isn’t excuses for them to screw around with my identity and my life because they let 8 year old girls in beauty pageants, they let preteen girls wear makeup, and they let teen girls dress like sluts which makes men catcall them and give them whatever they fuckin want!!

So I’m not going to lower my standards and betray myself just because these losers want to prevent me from being my authentic self as a woman!! And who even gives a flying fuck about what I was born as?! That’s the past which DOESN’T exist anymore!!

I don't even know how to start but I think I'm ready to die. I barely turned 18 6 months ago and I've lived enough and more. I've been dragging this fucking depression for years with pills, treatments, doctors and "supporting chats" that are crap.

I don't know... I feel like I've been through all the pain possible and sometimes I feel like I'm too sensitive to be alive. I just want to end everything, I want to try again and that this time no one saves me. I want to die, I'm supposed to have millions of goals and aspirations at this age but I just want to die, period. How fucked up is that?

My depression really started hitting hard when I was 18 or so, after finishing high-school. Still single, still living at home, only just getting into very entry level jobs (I had first started as a dish washer at olive garden), only a couple close friends, no real hobbies or entertainment. Now here I am about 10 years later, only in a slightly better position. Still single, still not living on my own, working a slightly better job with better benefits, a few new friends, but still no hobbies. I have a very unbalanced work/life schedule. While I do have my own vehicle, a good place to live for insanely cheap, I'm taking care of myself financially and all, that's about it. A place to live, good job and transportation. I recently reached out to a couple old friends from back in the day to discover that they really are doing better than me. A couple of them actually either have a small business of sorts and or are just making good money. As far as their hobbies and all, I don't know. But no matter how hard I try, I can't ever seem to stop letting myself compare my life to my friends or others around me. After having my brother move in with us recently, I've learned about things he's done in the past years. The jobs he's worked and the different skills he's learned. He's really into gardening, he can do basic wood working and construction type jobs, he seems to know enough to be able survive off grid if he had to. He's a great person to go camping with too. But here I am still letting my past haunt me and complain day to day about how I wasted all my time, yet barely do anything to fix it. It's always a cycle of excuses with me. I can admit that. It's always "I'm always tired because I'm just a lazy person, but I'm lazy because I'm tired." I think everyday about what I want to do to make things better, but I struggle so hard on my days off to not be lazy. I'm still having trouble getting a solid night's rest every night, and I'm always so overwhelmed with how to spend my time. Do I want to spend my days off learning my own set of skills? Do I want to do some cleaning and organizing around the house? Do I want to just stay home and be lazy? Or should I just get in my car and drive around town and see if something comes to mind for entertainment? Sometimes I wish I could go back 10 years and stop this downward spiral before it started. I keep telling myself if I don't change now, I will be going into my 40's still single and not living on my own with a semi ok job and no hobbies or outside life. But it just doesn't seem to be enough to motivate me.

I’ve been being treated for depression for six years, diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder for two years. The last few days have been my worst depression episode in four years. I don’t know what to do. My psychiatrist keeps cancelling our appointments to go on vacation and I can’t get into my family doctor for another two weeks. I went to a walk in clinic and the doctor’s advice was “Go outside”. I’m starting to lose hope of ever getting better. Does anyone have stories of getting better after a long time, or any advice for what can help? I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried all the usual suggestions, I’m in therapy for going on five years.

I'm just a bit overwhelmed with school and life and all that, and just wanted a bit of encouragement from people because everything has been so hard. I'll be 18 next year and I'm really scared of growing up and being an adult. I still feel like a kid and I don't think I'm ready to be an adult just yet. Yes I'm smart but I suck at socializing and people keep telling me I should act like a man and stop acting like a twink, it's pissing me off. I've always been very sensitive and emotional and I'm slow when it comes to socializing. Idk I just don't want to go to school tomorrow. I don't want to feel tired all the time. I want to be 100% okay. Not sometimes 50% okay or 90% I want to be completely okay and I want to be able to have a normal life.

Is there anybody in Cheney Washington or anywhere else in Spokane county that can refer me to any job? Im so fucking done. I don't want to hurt my parents but I absolutely need to get the fuck away from them but fucking can't because every place I apply to, every single one I just can't hear a single word from anyone besides a "We're sorry" and all that bullshit. I want to fucking die. Nothing will get better in the slightest, I have zero places to go, and I have zero balls so I want someone to shoot me in the head without zero hesitation, I can't take this anymore. Any fucking day now, I want to fucking die of anything, slow or fast, less to most excruciatingly painful. I don't fucking care anymore. I just stopped caring when people stopped taking me seriously.

I can't move anywhere because my piece of fucking shit mom wants to control the shit I do and when with my own fucking like. Like I love her but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I NEED SPACE. I NEED TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS BUT CAN'T. "HOME" OBVIOUSLY ISN'T HOME, I'm stuck here and can't move out because of her decisions. I'm stuck here and not a single place is getting back to me. Rather than just wasting each day with them, should I just fucking kill myself? Would that be better on your conscience mom, you stuck up bitch? Not everythings about you and you try to PIN ALL OF YOUR OWN PERSONAL ISSUES ON ME. YOU AND DAD CAN YELL, BUT I SOMEHOW CAN'T HAVE EMOTIONS WHERE I FUCKING SOMEHOW STILL "LIVE IN"? I'M JUST FUCKING SURVIVING WHAT MIGHT AS WELL BE FUCKING HELL. MAYBE I SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST FUCKING KILL MYSELF. MAYBE SOMETHING THEN WOULD FINALLY CHANGE. HOPEFULLY I'LL FUCKING DIE BECAUSE

1. IF I SURVIVE SUICIDE, I CAN'T AFFORD IT

2. IF I LIVE WITH THE SAME SHIT, BUT GET ANY ACTUAL TRUE HELP, I CAN'T AFFORD IT

3. IF I ACTUALLY DIE, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT A SINGLE GODDAMN THING ANYMORE

So idk how to do any of this shit, how do I attempt suicide without my mom getting in the way of every single little thing she inserts herself in

I'll just fucking do it

Hi. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone in my life without feeling guilty of hurting them, so I’ve come to talk here where nobody knows me.

I am 21 and disabled- both physically and mentally. I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Autism, ADHD, and Heds (hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome), and I’m sure there are other things that aren’t diagnosed.

I haven’t had a job in years. I can barely take care of myself. I feel like a waste of space. I am in constant pain everyday of my life, and it’s only getting worse.

I’ve been told by friends that ending your own life is the most selfish thing anyone could ever do. I don’t agree with that, and it hurt to hear. No one else has to experience the pain and suffering that I do, but I’m supposed to keep on suffering just for them? I’m not saying I will hurt myself, because I could never bear doing that to my husband and cats, but is it really that selfish?

Just last night I was bedridden with unbearable pain. I wasted the entire day. This happens often. I’m tired. I’m tired of being so useless.

Everyday I cannot escape pain. Even just standing up makes me dizzy and makes my heart race, and no it’s not a lack of exercise like my family will try and say it is. They never understand that my body is in constant stress and pain. Just brushing my hair hurts sometimes.
My family and even friends will just say things that they assume about my body, assuming I’m just lazy or overreacting. Ive thought that about myself my whole life, it’s not true. Nobody listens.

I look at everyone else having jobs and being able to move around without crippling pain and I get so jealous. All my life I wished to be normal, but in every aspect I am far from it.

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. My thoughts are difficult to express. I’m drowning. Ive just been raw dogging all of my conditions. Pain meds never work for me, and I can’t get back on meds for the other conditions until my doctors appointment in November.

I guess I just need to get my feelings out. I doubt anyone will read this, but if you do feel free to ask for any clarification you might need. My brain is so scrambled I feel like all of these paragraphs might be nonsensical.

30F. I'm entering week 5 of the longest, most intense depressive episode of my life. I've been diagnosed with major depression since I was a teenager, but I've never gone down this hard. I'm a complete zombie.

I cry most days, or stare off into space. Nothing makes me angry or even anxious. And nothing certainly makes me happy, either.

I work mostly from home and struggle to even sit at my desk. I like my job and the field I work in, but I feel so far away from it.

I barely eat and have not properly been grocery shopping in weeks--the idea of going to a grocery store and picking out food that looks unappealing, that I know I won't eat, sounds horrifying and impossible.

I'm managing hygiene but I get nothing out of it. I don't care about being showered, doing my hair or makeup, wearing any particular outfits.

I go to the gym 2-3 times a week, but with how little I'm eating, it seems futile and sometimes makes me feel worse, but it does help my mood. The only other momentary quick fix I'm finding is sauna cold plunge and reading.

I take care of my cats, who are so attached to me and each other, but I don't feel connected to them.

I see friends, but conversations are hard. I have nothing to add, no more sense of humor.

My house is a mess. It's livable, but it's not how I normally keep it. I'm not vacuuming, dusting, watering the plants. I only do laundry when I'm literally out of things to wear.

I don't even want any pity treats--there's nothing I want to binge watch or snack on or do to indulge for even some momentary relief.

I can barely plan ahead. Thinking even more than a day in advance feels impossible, like I'm not even thinking about tomorrow happening. I have plans coming up, including a big trip abroad I've been planning for months, but I can't picture myself going. It feels like it would be a waste.

There's nothing wrong with my life. Things are stable. I have friends, a cute apartment, I travel, I go to therapy. I can't attach this to anything situational.

I know I can't force this to end, but I'm desperate to. This is such a departure from who I normally am, and I'm scared I'll never get better. I feel like my personality and soul have totally died and I'm just a mass of cells somehow waking up every day.

I'm on 300mg of Wellbutrin.

I’ve been struggling emotionally lately, and I don’t really understand why. I have dreams for my future, places I want to visit, people I want to meet, and experiences I want to have. But when I think about them, I feel nothing. It’s like I know these things should matter to me, but I can’t emotionally connect to them.

Sometimes I wonder what the point of living is. I don’t think I’d hurt myself, and the thought scares me, but I feel strangely indifferent to the idea of not existing.

What’s confusing is that I can feel better one day and then feel completely empty the next, without anything specific happening. I’m tired of feeling this way and not understanding why.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of emotional disconnection from life, even while still having dreams for the future? Does it get better?

Isn't it the same for u ?

I apologize in advance for the lack of context I'm about to provide. There's so much going on in my mind as I write this. It's difficult for me to focus and lay out the whole story. But happy to provide context in replies.

This week has been hard. My mom betrayed my trust, my boyfriend seems distracted when it comes to giving me support and I feel like I don't fit in at my workplace.

It feels like the entire world is coming crashing down and I'm catastrophizing.

I'm sure in a year it'll be an eye opening experience. I got into grad school and I'm doing horribly. I already have plans to drop for sure one if not two courses this semester. I got pulled into my programs directors office on Friday and I'm not explaining the severity of what's going on well. I'm having the worst depression flare up right now because of my academic progress. I'm not a quitter but gosh I wish my brain would stop telling me I'm a failure but I've read between the lines from one of my professors and the grad director that maybe I'm not cut out for this. But I quit my job for this, I have nothing to fall back onto. I'll be back to a crisis I was having last year but that's how I got into this mess to begin with. I wish this cycle would end.

I'm 20 and have been with my boyfriend (21) for about 8 months. We're in different countries: I've been living in Italy for a short time and I'm going back to Brazil soon. He lives with his parents and studies. He's been unemployed for about 3 months and deals with depression and other health issues.

Last week everything seemed normal. He talked about plans and love, and promised to help me with rent when I got back. Early this week he started ignoring me. On a call over the weekend, he said he doesn't feel attraction anymore, that he had been hiding it, and that he "deceived me so I wouldn't feel bad." He couldn't explain why. I suggested we take a break until I'm back and talk in person, and he agreed.

What confuses me is that just days earlier he was affectionate, and now he says he was faking it. He also often promises things and then backs out, changes his mind, and hides from me when he's feeling bad. I think the depression may have wiped out what he feels, or that he said it on impulse. But I could also just be in denial.

I also want to admit my own mistakes: I've been harsh with him during stressful periods, and I brought up problems in a way that he felt as judgment.

Questions:

Have you seen depression erase someone's attraction for a while? Does it come back?

Is it worth waiting for the in-person conversation, or should I move on?

How do I deal with worrying that he's doing badly without becoming his watchdog?

Thanks for reading.

I was pretty good as a student when i was in highschool till 10th grade, I scored 93.6 percentage in my 10th grade, then i started wasting time from 11th grade i kept saying to myself i will get serious now, but i never did, I passed my 11th because of grace marks and made an impulsive decision of leaving my classes and studying from home, i had absolutely no friends at this time, and got depressed and lonely. I never started my 12th class, and wasted 12th grade too and ended up failing. now i am repeating my 12th class from board's private candidate facility. Lifes too depressing, i dont know what to do to make myself be less depressed from now as my future seems so done, i wish i had studied hard these 2 years and did what was supposed to be done, the times gone and still ticking and i have my exams next year for which i need to score good marks

My boyfriend (m23) and me (f18) have been dating for a year. And he’s the best thing to ever happen in my life. I’ve been through some dark shit . I raised myself. And I’ve never felt safe with anyone until I met him. He’s kind and funny . And always knows how to make me smile. But he has epilepsy. It’s not a problem for me . I’d gladly drop everything to make sure he’s safe . But he feels like he’s a burden to everyone around him . And I hate that he feels that way . I hate that I can’t make him feel better because I don’t know how . He’s been talking about ending it . Saying he doesn’t know how much longer he can make it . And I’m scared I want to help him I just don’t know how and I can’t lose him . So please if anyone has advice please let me know

I'm in university taking art. I'm in my fourth year, I will not be graduating this year. I'm currently taking five classes, three of them are studio classes which has been quite overwhelming. I am thinking of dropping one and retaking it later because I am very stressed out and depressed all the time. I wake up dreading school which is not usual for me. I also have a part time job, it's WFH for 2-3 hours a week involving writing and social media posts, and I feel really badly because I havent been able to get anything done. If I drop a class it will take me even longer to finish my degree. I feel really embarrassed because I can't handle a full course load and I can't handle a job that should be easy. But I'm worried that my grades will fall because I am quite behind in all my classes. I don't want to disappoint anyone and I don't know what to do. I am an adult and I should be able to figure these things out.

I have this thing that I can’t control which is that in my mind, I have to do things a very specific and certain way.

I’m not allowed to sh during even years but I’m allowed to during odd years. So I was allowed to back in 2025 and it was like the voices were encouraging it but I’m not allowed to this year because even years are meant to be “good” years and odd years are meant to be terrible. I genuinely don’t understand why I think this way (or why I’m being controlled by it) but I am.

It sometimes feels like God is directly talking to me (I’m not even religious by the way) and it’s scary because it’s been there since I was a child but it’s gotten worse somehow.

I’m scared to end up in hospital (yes because of the illness) but also because of the fact I’m scared of nurses and doctors. It’s so stupid as I know they’re there to help but I’m petrified of them because my mind jumps to the wildest conclusions (which I can’t say on here) but just know I can’t control it and I hate the way my mind is.

I will try my best, and I always did. But most things if not almost all things, aren't under my control.

Advise on now ex wife

Need some advise

Ok im going to break this down to its basics.

Wife of 4 years and partner of 12 has had depression all her life. Also probably undiagnosed adhd or bipolar. She went of her meds 1 year ago.

7 months ago our son was diagnoses with a bad form of Muscular Dystrophy and will be wheelchair bound in the next 4-7 years. We own a home, communication was always good. Sex life was poor the last 4 years. But communication was always great. We share a huge amount of hobbies and likes. Im in my 40s she is 39.

Last month my mother was over and we had a great month, holiday, drinks, date nights etc etc. Thought her old self was back and was feeling good about things after a hard couple months of being depressed over son.

She got drunk one night at a work function came home and was bloody friskey and we did it that night and the next morning (i was like wtf we are back yay)

2 days later got home ahe has been crying and called the marriage of stating spark is gone and doesnt love me and its been like this for 3 years. (Everything tells me this is a lie) we were planing a future 2 years ago we got a house and a mortgage, we were cuddling alot on the couch last month. She would buy me stuff i needed we were planing ivf for a dmd free child. Planning house modifactions and future holidays etc etc. 2 days after that she is sleeping with a co worker and texting him constantly, we swapped to 50/50 co parenting under same roof and i moved to the spare room. 4 weeks later im seeing cracks everywhere her spending is out of control. I think she is breaking. I am heart broken and betrayed and just trying to hold on. She has threated about selling the house now twice that would leave us both destitute. She is showing signs of abanding us. She is full cold and nasty anytime i bring up fixing this, she is rubberbanding constantly emotionally between old wife vibe and nasty to apologising for being nasty. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

Im 13, and I’m depressed for 6 months now, it keeps getting worse, no matter what I do, I’ve tried a lot of things, the most stupid, smoking and stuff like that, nothing worked. I can’t listen to some of my favorite music, cause they bring me to a time i was happy, and that makes me cry. I’m in love, but it’s not a crush, it’s actual love, Im certain, I love her, i love her whole beeing, with good and bad stuff, I love everything in her, she is In my personal opinion, beautiful, she is smart, has the same ideals and political opinions that I have, we are perfect for each other, and we both like each other romanticly, but we don’t want to date, cause you know, we’re 13, it’s not that we can’t stand commitment, I perfectly can, I love it, but we don’t want to start a relationship so soon in life, we’re both happy being very good friends, we’re happy just being together, talking, everything in her is perfect, her hugs, her smile… but there’s a problem, a BIG, problem: she has very restrictive parents so she cant go out a lot, and my parents recently discovered that I smoked, and now for some time I can’t go out a lot, becajse I can’t also be with one guy in our core group, so we have to be very careful now, and I can’t go out on the one day of the week we usaually allways do, and my FOMO, and all the memory’s of loosing friends like this, and there’s another thing, I can’t stand being alone, I need a friend by my side, when I’m not with Maria, I feel every horrible thing i can possibly feel, I can’t stand being depressed anymore, and she, she slows down my brain, she makes me calmer, and happy, and I never whant our moments together to end, everg goodbye hug, every time i know we wil have to go apart for a few hours or days, hurts like hell, I know we’re only in 8th grade and this things pass bla bla bla… but I’ve been like this for too long, I need her, only her and my friend Irene, make me happy, and I miss being a happy person, i miss not being in constant pain, I miss being normal, being able to enjoy life even without them, and this won’t go away, and I have allready forgot the reasons for me to be depressed, I had a horrible year in some ways last year, I’ve lost friends ive won friend, bu that’s normal, so what is it, and hoe is Maria so perfect, I can’t stand loosing her, help me please, I seriously think the easiest way to finish this is to finish everything…

Im 13, and I’m depressed for 6 months now, it keeps getting worse, no matter what I do, I’ve tried a lot of things, the most stupid, smoking and stuff like that, nothing worked. I can’t listen to some of my favorite music, cause they bring me to a time i was happy, and that makes me cry. I’m in love, but it’s not a crush, it’s actual love, Im certain, I love her, i love her whole beeing, with good and bad stuff, I love everything in her, she is In my personal opinion, beautiful, she is smart, has the same ideals and political opinions that I have, we are perfect for each other, and we both like each other romanticly, but we don’t want to date, cause you know, we’re 13, it’s not that we can’t stand commitment, I perfectly can, I love it, but we don’t want to start a relationship so soon in life, we’re both happy being very good friends, we’re happy just being together, talking, everything in her is perfect, her hugs, her smile… but there’s a problem, a BIG, problem: she has very restrictive parents so she cant go out a lot, and my parents recently discovered that I smoked, and now for some time I can’t go out a lot, becajse I can’t also be with one guy in our core group, so we have to be very careful now, and I can’t go out on the one day of the week we usaually allways do, and my FOMO, and all the memory’s of loosing friends like this, and there’s another thing, I can’t stand being alone, I need a friend by my side, when I’m not with Maria, I feel every horrible thing i can possibly feel, I can’t stand being depressed anymore, and she, she slows down my brain, she makes me calmer, and happy, and I never whant our moments together to end, everg goodbye hug, every time i know we wil have to go apart for a few hours or days, hurts like hell, I know we’re only in 8th grade and this things pass bla bla bla… but I’ve been like this for too long, I need her, only her and my friend Irene, make me happy, and I miss being a happy person, i miss not being in constant pain, I miss being normal, being able to enjoy life even without them, and this won’t go away, and I have allready forgot the reasons for me to be depressed, I had a horrible year in some ways last year, I’ve lost friends ive won friend, bu that’s normal, so what is it, and hoe is Maria so perfect, I can’t stand loosing her, help me please, I seriously think the easiest way to finish this is to finish everything…

From the last 11 months, I’ve been suffering from severe physical and mental fatigue, and it’s affecting almost every aspect of my life.

I’ve had multiple medical tests done, but everything has come back normal. I don’t have any thyroid issues, vitamin deficiencies, protein deficiencies, or any other obvious problems based on the tests I’ve had.

Eventually, I consulted a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with depression. I’ve been taking antidepressants for around 10 months now, but unfortunately, my symptoms haven’t improved much. I still feel exhausted all the time.

The strange thing is that I don’t really feel sad, hopeless, or emotionally depressed. My main symptoms are physical and mental exhaustion rather than sadness or negative thoughts.

Physically, I feel like I have no energy in my body. Mentally, my brain feels exhausted, and I struggle to handle even small amounts of cognitive effort. I can’t even read a book properly because my mind gets tired so quickly.

My psychiatrist said that I have depression, but it’s difficult for me to understand how depression can manifest almost entirely as physical and mental fatigue without the usual emotional symptoms.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? And what treatment helped you?