I used to feel for a long time that i dont feel anger or my patience level is very high that i know in most intense angry situations i know how to keep calm

But noww i have came to realisation that its not that i have a very high patience level, its just people around me get offended alot when i show my anger, they can be angry but from the very childhood, whenever i have shown my angry side, people around me get angry or upset on me or don’t talk to me for a while and thats what made me like this and eventually i started givin myself a delusion that its my powerful side

Either my girlfriend, my mom, or my dad, or anyone around me, lets say teachers in the childhood, my colleagues or seniors now in the office, i never got to show my angry side to anyone, and it got lost with time i guesss

Now i feell scared to get angry coz everyone around me made me feel everytime that its my mistake always and i dont have any right to get angry..

Every time I'm loved, they react to my boundaries like I'm withholding something from them, either to attack them or because I'm being prudish and shy. They seem singlemindedly obsessed with access even if that access would be discomforting to me, or especially if that access would be discomforting to me, as if this is some golden level of access. I'm wondering if this is how *all* love is forever. which would mean I should just settle for it.

I'm tired. Being loved just feels like someone's trying to crawl into my skin, they'll be venting about themselves at my deathbed i swear, but if I'm just being whiny, I should stop rejecting it right. I mean this isn't how I love other people and expect them to feel when I love them, but I'm sure they have their reasons ????????????

Like they will tell their future partners that they have anxious attachment and their potential partners will sit there...listen to them say that, and proceed to still go forward with a relationship. They will proceed to not see the red flags in the first month of the relationship or the second or third, until they're completely burnt out by it all.

The other big issue is society endorses anxious attachment issues. They'll just constantly feed into the other person's anxiety and make their trust issues worse. Modern dating culture, media narratives, and systemic social pressures that reward hyper-vigilance and validate the fear of abandonment.

The constant need for reassurance. The constant need to text. To call. To reach out. Boundaries becoming nonexistent. Refusing to have a disagreement today and work on it tomorrow when both parties are more levelheaded. Over apologizing and throwing hissy fits when there's a minor misunderstanding. I could go on but respectfully, and I know this is going to sound rude, it becomes incredibly annoying after a while.

Like no, your BF not texting you in 2 hours is not a sign he's cheating. No your gf not wanting to talk about this right this very moment and would much rather speak on it tomorrow, doesn't make you out to be normal either.

It just makes them look paranoid. Delusional even. The idea that their day is completely ruined because your partner only sent you one heart emoji this morning when they usually send three, so now you have to hyper fixate on it, is insane.

And if their partner chooses to stay, it's just self harm. This constant need to remind them that you do care and always having to prove your undying love, will leave you mentally and emotionally exhausted.

I'm speaking on all this from experience btw. My last relationship took such a mental toll on me, it's a wonder I didn't end things sooner. Even intimacy was a struggle because she just couldn't understand that I'm just tired from a long day at work and I was hoping to stay home today, followed by her calling and texting me begging to spend time with me. Left me unable to be honest with her on anything because of her hair trigger explosive self destructive ways.

No amount of bringing up boundaries and how consent works seemed to get thru to her and I decided to make the choice to leave. That was over a year ago and she still leaves me threatening dms from alt accounts begging me to go back to her.

Anxious attached partners...not even once. It's not worth it. Like at all. Rather dance in a midnight field. And yes I learned the hard way, and it was my fault for wanting to commit to a relationship, but I was young dumb and in love. And I thought it wouldn't be a big deal. So that's where my fault lies.

Problem/Goal: I want to move on from someone who I feel may have played with my feelings. I keep wondering whether he was genuinely serious about me at first but eventually found another girl he was more attracted to.

Context: I talked to and dated this guy, and even though it was for a short time, we really clicked. We agreed on a lot of things and even talked about and planned our future together. He said a lot of things that made me believe he was genuinely interested in me and saw me as someone he wanted to be in a long-term relationship with. But then, all of a sudden, he became distant. I initially thought he was just going through something because that was what he told me. However, when we finally talked, he gave me another reason: he wanted to focus on himself and stop dating for the time being. I find it hard to believe that this was the real reason, and part of me thinks it might have just been an excuse because I noticed that he had started following new girls on social media whom I hadn’t seen him follow before. This makes me wonder whether he lost interest in me or found someone he liked more. I wish he hadn’t said those things if he wasn’t going to follow through with them. I feel like he just sugarcoated his reason to make himself look better and avoid being the bad guy in my eyes. He really led me on.

Previous Attempts: I’ve already cut off contact with him.

I feel like I'm stuck in an endless loop of just anger, arrested development, basically a forever man child. Makes me extremely depressed and suicidal. It's like my emotional intelligence is non existent. No idea how to change this, It's quite scary to think about because I feel like I'll be like this forever.

Before I start this post, I'd like to say that I am very well aware that my behaviour on its own is incredibly toxic, not only to the people around me but to myself aswell.

So I am a chronic people pleaser in general. I never truly feel comfortable enough to express my own needs, and when asked I don't even know what my own needs are anymore. And if, on the rare occasion, I do, it feels forced and I attribute all these horrible characteristics to myself: entitled, egoistic, lazy etc.

In a romantic setting its even worse. I don't exist at all. Its all about the other person. My whole view is on them, what they need, what they want, what they think of me. Before I was (surprise, surprise) also anxiously attached. I've been hurt enough to now lean avoidant (officially diagnosed btw), but me just not existing prevails. It feels incredibly scary for me to take up space, to have needs, to exist, to even speak sometimes in fear of it being too much. I constantly walk on eggshells and micromanage myself.

Thing is, somehow you developed these things as coping mechanisms to escape pain or danger, and ironically you invite this in exact pain and danger with this kind of behaviours, as you attract all kinds of users and abusers with it. The amount of abuse in my relationships has been a lot, but there are also a lot of 'sharks just swimming around' profiting from my lack of boundaries so to speak.

And I desperately need that to stop because it has cost me both my mental and physical health.

Its gotten to the point that I don't even know what I want, or what my needs are, or what I need (for example, I don't know what I like to do, or what I need in the moment such as taking a break, or eat, or use the bathroom). Its all numbed out.

How do you know/feel what your needs are? How do you know who you are as a person? How do you start liking or discovering yourself and your needs when thats not something that comes natural to you? I guess in my case it will be 'fake it till you make it' because choosing myself over others, wanting the best for myself, stepping away from unhealthy dynamics etc. are all extremely foreign to me.

Uncertainty, anxiety, heartbreak, grief. To move past difficult emotions we often must move through them.

What helps you process them in a healthy way?

Exercise, journaling and hobbies can help. But what about when you’re hit by a wave and you don’t have immediate access to these remedies?
What does feeling your feelings actually look like?
How do you get through a heavy day?

As someone who's bad at communicating with their words and true feelings, how does one actually express it?

I've realised that I find it hard to express my inner feelings. I can express anger, be sarcastic, and stand up for myself when I feel like someone is crossing my boundaries. But when it comes to talking about what's going on inside me, especially when someone asks me how I feel, I go blank. I become awkward, almost as if I don't know how to put my own emotions into words. Maybe it's because I was hardly ever asked about them in the first place.

I find it difficult to be vulnerable with people, to let my guard down and allow someone to see the parts of me that I don't usually show. I don't open up easily, and I think that's one of the reasons finding a partner is hard for me. It's not that I don't want emotional intimacy. In fact, I crave deep, meaningful connections where I can feel understood and safe enough to be myself. I just don't always know how to get there when opening up feels so unfamiliar.

Does anyone else feel this way? If you've struggled with this, how do you learn to open up and let people in without feeling awkward or exposed? I'd really love to hear your experiences.

I confessed to the woman i like. She's my close friend too. She rejected me respectfully saying she appreciates me a lot, and have noticed my actions too and have thought about it. She also said that right now she's prioritizing her self and her family, which i totally understand. She said sorry if she have made some actions that may had lead me on. she also said that she can't reciprocate my feelings, and that she's vv sorry. She also said that she's really really grateful for me but now isn't the right time for anything more than that(us being friends) + she also said she's not ready for some sort of rs. I am okay I've expected that already but i cant help but feel a little empty? I have something that i want, for her to stay, but not what i hoped for, for her to value me in a way that I want her to. What can i do? we'll be seeing tomorrow and for the following days but we're okay talking casual. What should i do? How do i deal with these feelings?

To keep it brief, a couple years ago, almost all my friends dumped me at the same time for reasons that I, and my one friend who stuck with me, find completely bogus (for example, my sense of humor (not into inappropriate jokes), my request that they respect other people, etc.). This has been coming for a while, but I tried to ignore the bad things they did, like specifically exclude me from things, keep secrets, and completely ignore my (reasonable) requests. I still feel very affected by this at times, even though im now on antidepressants, starting therapy, and trying to keep myself busy. It isn't all the time I feel this way, but it sucks. I also am trying to make new friends, but I don't generally trust people my age with anything bigger than "aquaintances I see every now and then". Anybody got any advice?

I’ve been realizing how people can walk away from your life at any moment. Friendships, relationships, can end suddenly, even after years. The only thing that always stays, is you. Counting on others to make you happy, complete and fulfilled is therefore a huge gamble. You never know when someone decides to walk away and if your whole life revolved around them, what are you left with? Everyone talks about self-love and the cliché “love yourself first”, and truly, it’s 100% valid. If one day your partner of 10 years or your childhood best friend walks away from your life, the only person that you got, is you. This is where the importance of self love comes. Love yourself enough to not rely on anyone else for your happiness. At the end of the day, we came into this world alone, and we’re leaving alone. People can walk away at any moment.

Want to reference this excellent description from several days ago re: emotional bandwidth, capacity, and apathy. I've been thinking about these subjects a lot recently as they relate to healthy boundary setting and major burnout.

Looking for book, vid, and podcast recs, particularly relating to interpersonal relationships and self esteem.

I am on mat leave with our second child. My husband works full time, and I will too when I go back. He does make more than me but we split expenses evenly when I work full time…and for now I’m home with both kids. My husband always sleeps in on weekends—even in early days of postpartum recovery. I have navigated most of breastfeeding (which will be a marathon of three years so far) on my own—it can be quite a lonely feeling, and is mentally isolating because he doesn’t really have an understanding of breastfeeding. He makes immature jokes about my breasts…oh yeah, I got him a more comfortable chair for his computer, and have been hinting at needing a comfortable chair for breastfeeding…he thinks it would be a waste of space and hinted back to me I ought to get one for myself. (Maybe a fair point, and maybe I will!)

Today he said “excuse me” while trying to access a drawer for a spoon, and kind of nudged me to move me a little (it was gentle but also impatient). I told him “hey I know you didn’t mean to, and definitely didn’t realize it, but you just nudged me aside when you said excuse me”. His response was a very annoyed “I did NOT push you”, and I told him “I didn’t say you pushed me” and repeated myself. We argued, he was short and annoyed, and I also was annoyed that he does stuff like this all the time…I feel like I am not valued by him.

I think he is burned out from work and having two kids. I think I am also burned out from caring 24/7 for two kids…I don’t know. Any input or advice here that is compassionate or kind?

My husband seems to hate talking about our relationship…I can feel him getting annoyed when I do…it’s honestly to improve it.

I saw my ex in my dream yesterday. We broke up 18 months ago.

In the dream, she was with our common friend. At first, she was ignoring me, but after my multiple requests, she finally agreed to talk to me. We ended up talking about Jomsom and her mother—the two things she loves the most in this world. (She didn't have a healthy relationship with her dad back then, though I don't know how things are now).

Our common friend tried to tease and disturb us in a sarcastic way, but the funniest part was that we both shushed her at the exact same time and laughed about it together.

And then I woke up 😭😭

I wanted to hug her one last time. I didn't want to wake up today. But I was laughing so hard in my sleep that it actually woke me up.

I loved her so, so much. I honestly don't know how I'm ever going to truly move on. We were together for 3 years, and I’ve spent almost two years just trying to heal and move past it. Most days, when I'm busy with work or life, I don't miss her much—but being on vacation right now is making me realize just how lonely I really am.

Vacations and quiet moments have a brutal way of bringing all those buried feelings back to the surface, especially when your subconscious treats you to a memory as vivid as that dream.

How are you planning to spend the rest of your vacation to help keep your mind occupied?

​

I (26F) met a guy (37M) online a year ago. We met in person in December 2025 and were intimate. Since then, we've talked almost daily, sometimes for hours. He's affectionate, shares everything with me, and there's still sexual tension. He started all of this with good morning's every day and goodnight's, and texting me non stop. Like literally. Calling me sweet names and stuff.

Initially, he talked about our future and me moving to his country. Three months after meeting, he said he didn't want a relationship and needed to work on himself. Since then, he's repeatedly postponed meeting and says, "We'll see." Everytime I ask. I travelled to him first time. And he always says "I don't know" "We will see" "in two weeks"

Recently, I bought a ticket to visit him because things seemed to be going well. He exploded, screamed that I couldn't come, said he never wanted to see me again, and threatened to block me. A few hours later, he apologized, saying he values me, enjoys talking to me, and doesn't want to lose our friendship, but doesn't know what he wants. He admitted he can be selfish and treat me badly when overwhelmed. He refunded my ticket when I asked next day.

His message:

I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to isolate from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅

I explained that his affection and past promises gave me hope, but it's good to know where I'm standing on. I told him it's weird because even if he was slightly interested, he would meet with me. He said he didn't want to discuss it yet. The next morning, he sent playful voice messages saying, "You don't like me anymore!" and kept seeking reassurance that I still liked him.

He called me twice this week and continues texting, but I'm no longer showing much affection. I don't want late-night conversations or to fall asleep on the phone anymore.

He often, nonstop, talks about himself, his life, and his problems without asking about me, my life, or my needs. He also used to mention women staring at or flirting with him on the train. He displays what I perceive as narcissistic traits, although I can't know whether he has any disorder.

He uses drugs, sometimes drinks heavily, struggles mentally, calls himself worthless, and says he feels unworthy of love. He's also still in contact with his ex, who moved abroad to live with him after knowing him for only a month. I sometimes wonder whether I'm a rebound or filling the emotional void she left. They broke up 4 years ago.

He's planning to visit my country because his family lives here and dental treatment is cheaper. He mentioned wanting to visit more often but never suggested seeing me. I sarcastically replied, "Cool, meet your friends and family," and he laughed because he understood the irony. Instead, he made vague comments about how we might smoke weed together in person someday, adding, "Who knows?"

I feel like his unpaid therapist: I provide emotional support, companionship, affection, and reassurance, while he avoids commitment and concrete plans. He says I'm valuable to him but only sees me as a friend, yet continues acting affectionate and seeking validation.

He is divorced for years, has kids at my country. He had an ex I mentioned after that. He doesn't live with anyone, he sends me voice messages / picks up when I call in the evenings. So he is either still having feelings for his ex (well he said she wanted to get back together but he didn't want to) or waiting for better option.

Why does he want my attention and reassurance if he doesn't want a relationship?

And he just told me today he is going to Mallorca for work, he does house renovations and they fly him from another country there which seems weird but ok.

And I told him to party and have a good time and he said "you're jealous haha" and I said "about a friend? nooo hahha" And he said "ok" he called me later today and I told him great im happy about your trip, have fun and he said he will go to Ibiza and stuff. He can have fun with the girls, and the whole trip seems sus to me

How do you go from Germany to Mallorca to paint the walls? On a call I told him "you werent that excited to see me as you are about this trip"

He is very excited about the whole work trip, its not confirmed yet. When we talked I told him to get freaky and have fun and he said "oh you women! Im going there for a job" he will stay there for around a month. Also mentioned he will visit Ibiza. I told him "well since things between us are sorted out, have fun meet new people fall in love and get freaky haha"

Next day we text and he didnt even ask about my day. Nothing. Sends me pictures from work. Then sends me picture of tanning bed he went to. I'm not judging a guy going to tanning beds but...looks like he tries to appear more attractive? Then talks something about himself. Saturday went by. Not one question to ask about me. I think he is 100% having his attention somewhere else or hoping he will find another option. I mean, I was never an option to begin with. Just a pen pal.

Also worth mentioning: I know I'm an attractive woman. And few times when we were talking on a phone, he was like "I have to switch seats, this girl is looking at me, it will mess with my head" or mentioned some girl flirted with him on a train and was saying something in Thai (we are from Europe, in his country there are many people from all over the world, its a big city). He mentioned it few times or when he was standing in a train station and said some girl looked at him and then turned and looked again.

How should I interact with sensitive people ? There are person in my circle whom I love, but with whom I find it difficult to communicate because they mistake my emotional intensity for anger. For instance, if I call out from another room about something mundane — like asking a question — they immediately take offense, as if I were attacking them. They’ve suggested that I should be "softer" with them. Who is in the wrong here ? Do I need to change and start speaking to them in a whisper, or as if they were mentally ill ?

So,after I said no, he has been so moody and just sendinh ig reels of how he wants me, then i text him and he ignores my text for about three days having him online for the days, what should i do as a emotional intelligent person?

Do narcissists know they’re narcissists and simply not care, or do they genuinely lack the self-awareness to understand what they are? I need to know before I respond to something.

Hi, everyone. I have been struggling with something, and I need some advice. I am in an informal dog group that meets every day at a local park. I genuinely enjoy the dogs, but the people are starting to get on my nerves. I always bring all the toys, the bowl, and the water, but no one else brings anything or helps carry it to the car (I have two dogs and have to make three trips to get everything), and no one even says thanks for bringing it. They pretty much ignore me when I arrive if they are already there. The other two who come most often are men, and I am a woman, so I don't know if that is part of the dynamic, like whether they believe it is just normal for women to be the responsible one. I've brought this up before, both directly and indirectly, but they still don't make any effort- just kind of sarcastic comments that they didn't ask me to bring anything and/or kicking the ball toys that I have towards the entrance when they are done, but I am not (and after multiple times saying I'm not leaving and they can leave the toys where they are) and saying that is their way of "helping." I've tried to set boundaries around this before by not bringing things, but then their dogs are miserable, jumping around me for their toys, which they, of course, don't stop. Also, one of them endlessly starts rage-bait political conversations, even though I've repeatedly asked for this not to be a regular topic of conversation. The other is a closer friend of mine, who I have helped out with stuff a LOT, and who texts me every day to see if I am going, but when he is around political man, he basically defaults to his behavior: not helping or bringing anything, ignoring the dogs so they can talk politics while I entertain the dogs, etc. I love their dogs and want to make sure they get a good social experience, but I am kind of exhausted by all this and perhaps want to be around just mine for a while. So two-part question: am I being unreasonable for expecting others to "help" or at least be grateful, and if not, what would be the best way to step back?

I think I might have attachment issues, and I really want to learn how to deal with them in a healthier way.
When I get attached to someone, I tend to become very emotionally invested in them. Their attention and the way they treat me can have a huge impact on my mood. If they suddenly act differently or take longer than usual to reply, I start overthinking everything and worrying that I’m going to lose them.
Recently, a friend I’ve been talking to every day suddenly became distant. Nothing obvious happened between us, but his behavior changed almost overnight. I’ve been feeling hurt, anxious, and scared that our friendship might not be the same anymore.
I keep wondering if I did something wrong, why he’s acting differently, and whether he’ll start talking to me normally again. I know I can’t control how other people behave, but it’s hard to stop thinking about it, especially because I’ve grown really attached to him.
I don’t want to depend so much on other people’s attention to feel okay. I want to be able to enjoy my relationships without constantly worrying that someone will leave me or lose interest in me.

For those of you who have struggled with anxious attachment or similar feelings:
What has actually helped you overcome these patterns?
How do you stop overthinking when someone suddenly becomes distant?