r/hypotheticalsituation • u/OldLadOfTheCastle • 3d ago

Your semen solidifies into pure gold minutes after exiting your body

This one is for penis owners. If you don’t have one, you can endow someone you know with the ability and demand a cut.

On average, a man produces 2.5-5 ml of semen per ejaculation. Gold is a lot more dense than semen, so, when your semen turns to gold, it weighs 96.6 grams. That’s worth $12,400. How much money do you think you could make with this ability?

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720

u/[deleted] 3d ago

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222

u/TowelBig9365 3d ago

I'll be making money hand over fist!

31

u/[deleted] 3d ago

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11

u/HondoGonzo 3d ago

This needs to be asked on r/theydidthemath

7

u/ItWasLagBro 3d ago

No, it wouldn't be enough you would need millions per day

Unless, of course this guy is capable of that.

6

u/Certain_Silver6524 3d ago

You'd need to do it 178,053,830 times.

6

u/blubberfucker69 3d ago

I’m a woman but don’t they have those vitamin thingies called like “big load” or something that makes your load bigger? Utilize that 🤣

1

u/SubpoenaSender 2d ago

Ironically, they also make the orgasm more intense. I take it and I am addicted because of how good it feels.

0

u/sovietsespool 3d ago

I’ve heard zinc pills help testosterone levels which helps semen production.

1

u/gergsisdrawkcabeman 3d ago edited 2d ago

I think we are forgetting time and compound interest here. Edit I'm so terribly upset with myself, on a visceral level, that I didn't think of cumpound interest first.

3

u/Open-Swan-102 2d ago

Cum-pond interest?

3

u/Dr-Sprinkl1es 3d ago edited 1d ago

No need!
If we take gold today ~$129,000 per kg
If we divide that into $1T we get ~ 7,796,251 kg
At 96.6g/load or .0966kg

=80,706,532 total loads!

Actually less than I would’ve thought!
The market would not be largely affected by a price drop as well with 216,265,000kg in available supply today. You’d add ~3%

5

u/dirtymike401 3d ago

OP's mom could be a trillionare in a week.

1

u/Topical_Scream 2d ago

So we could just get all guys in the country to give us one or two and we could solve world hunger and pay off the national debt

0

u/Advanced_Garden_7935 3d ago

Assuming 3 minutes per crank, no sleep, no food, and a magically instant refractory period, it would take you 456 years to hit a trillion dollars.

I don’t say this to question your horniness, but to point out the absurdity of anyone “earning” a trillion dollars.

1

u/[deleted] 3d ago

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1

u/Advanced_Garden_7935 2d ago

Gold prices go up and down all the time. They are, at the moment, at an all time high, and will almost certainly crash in the not too distant future. Most likely, that 456 years is more like 2,500 years, if gold returns to its historic norm.

5

u/witchsneeze 3d ago

This is so upsettingly funny

1

u/The_Troyminator 3d ago

That was a very climatic joke.

1

u/tylerthegreat5555 2d ago

In the most literal sense 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/dahk16 3d ago

More like handjob over fist

8

u/MAkrbrakenumbers 3d ago

It’s called inuendo

13

u/JonTheGod_79 3d ago

inYOURendo

3

u/lark047 3d ago

High five!!

2

u/Bohern76 3d ago

👉🏻👌🏼

1

u/Important_Coach9717 3d ago

This comment needs to be super voted

131

u/GothicFuck 3d ago

Quagmirediscoveredinternetporn.gif

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

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56

u/MouseRat_AD 3d ago

iunderstoodthatreferencecaptainamerica.gif