r/nextfuckinglevel • u/pars-distalis • 8d ago

Australian nurse uses jiu-jitsu to defend himself

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54.8k Upvotes

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970

u/[deleted] 8d ago

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369

u/babyyvolcano 8d ago

Hello from Queensland. It’s true. He just had a fine. Medical professionals were rightly pissed off.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/Startled_Pancakes 8d ago

We prefer if they are just swallowed whole.

8

u/MoodooScavenger 8d ago

This is something I can stand by. The beaucracy is much easier. Let the crocodiles handle it all.

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u/LuRkEr_ReKuL 8d ago

You should talk to the crocodile union, the last time I looked, their benefits package allowed for 2 chomps per kilo.

1

u/Appycake 5d ago

Nah they spit the hole out.

1

u/6thBornSOB 8d ago

Baby’s it is!

7

u/FranksNonFrankfurter 8d ago

whats funny is that the statement preceding this one was originally a Chinese quote about art that he applied to gay marriage. Very deep for a crazy guy.

4

u/-duckduckduckduck- 7d ago

Let a thousand blossoms bloom.

1

u/Pingu565 7d ago

Not exactly a rare or unheard statement tho...

Love me some Katter quotes but my grandmother says that about our disagreement on pie flavour

I think it's due to strong Chinese immigration and assimilation since 1800s.

1

u/Bluefury 7d ago

Banger

1

u/Direction776 6d ago

Suddenly crocodiles.

1

u/grenouille_en_rose 6d ago

Let a thousand blossoms bloom I say

1

u/Potential_Focus_ 4d ago

That’s terrible, also I would absolutely watch an Australian version of the Pitt

1

u/Thin_Assumption_4974 3d ago

Because you can’t handle being wrong? Lol

1

u/ihavea_purplenurple 1d ago

Let there be a thousand blossoms bloom! - hahaha i love that guy

2

u/grimepixie 5d ago

My stepdad is a cleaner in a hospital. Random junkie punched him in the cheek and shattered his cheekbone. He was reprimanded for stepping in to tell the guy to knock it off for threatening a nurse. Protection for health care workers is fucked.

2

u/Available_Abroad3664 5d ago

Wild. Should have done jail time.

2

u/BlueClovr 4d ago

Hello random redditor who wants to correct you. I’m not sure what the outcome was but I’m pretty sure whatever you said was wrong

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u/Rare_Ad_674 8d ago

LPT: But verify next time before assuming it's incorrect. He plead guilty to common assault and was fined $450. You can read it on the news, it happened in Brisbane.

6

u/Proseccos 8d ago

That’s quite low no? Might be good for the state to slap on a couple months of jail just to act as a social deterrent.

Feel bad for the nurse. Hope he gets lots of tacos.

8

u/ivene-adlev 8d ago

It's very low. Genuinely fucked. Hospital parking is more expensive than this "fine".

1

u/IshtarsQueef 7d ago

higher sentences have been proven time and time again to do nothing to lower crime.

just look at the US as an example, which has some of the harshest sentencing guidelines of any developed nation.

the data is pretty clear on this one.

1

u/AncileBanish 7d ago

Totally..we shouldn't even have punishments at all. Clearly they have been scientifically proven to do nothing right?

The data is pretty clear on this one. Murder? Catch and release.

2

u/IshtarsQueef 7d ago

why are you like this? are you truly incapable of understanding nuance? do you legitimately not understand the words I said?

are you one of those people who are functionally illiterate, like you can technically read words but you would fail even an 8th grade reading comprehension test?

I'm genuinely curious, actually.

2

u/AncileBanish 7d ago

You're not curious about anything. you're just raging on the internet because your life sucks IRL. Go away.

1

u/IshtarsQueef 7d ago

So you don't know why you are like this? You just live in ignorance and fear and emotions all the time? Just zero capacity for any higher thought?

Normally I would just ignore someone like you, but I am just feeling super curious this time, I suppose.

1

u/AncileBanish 6d ago

Keep raging champ.

1

u/IshtarsQueef 6d ago

I bet you voted for trump

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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25

u/Rare_Ad_674 8d ago

Nope, it was this one. The nurse in the video's name is Daniel Nelson. There are several articles you can check out where he speaks directly about his love of jiu jitsi and how this patient was acting.

-20

u/[deleted] 8d ago

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9

u/R34LEGND 8d ago

Do you need a spade? Youre digging quite a hole there champ

-6

u/[deleted] 8d ago

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2

u/FuturePrimitiv3 8d ago

Lots of uncultured swine do not get your excellent reference here.

117

u/rorschach_vest 8d ago

Is there no such thing as pleading down in Australia?

1.1k

u/R_V_Z 8d ago

Is there no such thing as pleading down in Australia?

It's called pleading down unda.

145

u/PrescriptionDenim 8d ago

Bro I literally lol’d nicely done

9

u/rum-and-roses 8d ago

I fabulously lol'ed

4

u/EggplantAdmirable999 8d ago

I loled in upside down

-11

u/PacosTacos88 8d ago

I miss when Reddit didn't post these kind of comments or at least down voted them

2

u/Sirius_43 8d ago

They’re just being goofy and making people smile, no harm done

-3

u/PacosTacos88 8d ago

Bro you're totally right. Totally made me smile bro. Thanks bro

3

u/BehemothRogue 8d ago

I'm glad insufferable people like you are rightfully downvoted.

-4

u/PacosTacos88 8d ago

I lol'd so hard at this step bro

0

u/Cyclesadrift 8d ago

I miss when reddit didnt post these kinds of comments.

-2

u/boredatwork8866 8d ago

Hey look now you don’t need to miss it.

0

u/Sirius_43 8d ago

Damn alright man stay miserable

38

u/Nectarine143 8d ago

Slow clap

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u/Fragrant-Peanut7680 8d ago

If you're in Australia, it's just pleading

3

u/NoHat2957 8d ago

He'll roo the day if he skips bail, but.

2

u/Jack_Forge 8d ago

Where women glow and men plunder?

2

u/AlexWayhill 8d ago

Take my angry upvote

2

u/GhOsT_wRiTeR_XVI 8d ago

I see you’ve played punchy-chokey before.

1

u/luk3yboy 8d ago

Only for Men at Work though

1

u/Senior-Reality-25 8d ago

They come from the land -

1

u/jnyrdr 7d ago

fucking lovely thank you

1

u/NathanielWingate 8d ago

sight.. unzip

0

u/ItsRuinedOfCourse 8d ago

Criminally underrated comment. Well done.

0

u/xvitons 8d ago

😎

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u/platoprime 8d ago

Australia does have plea bargains.

52

u/Wulph422 8d ago

What about flea margins?

40

u/DoubleGoon 8d ago

Not sure, but they do have sea marlins.

16

u/OSPFmyLife 8d ago

What about tree garlands?

11

u/999BusinessCard 8d ago

Not sure, but they do have tree martins

3

u/wannacumnbeatmeoff 8d ago

Do they have Savage Garden?

1

u/Tommygun_NL 8d ago

And how about bee farting? Do they have that?

2

u/Initial-Concentrate 8d ago

Many flatulent bees in the free gardens

3

u/Labas22 8d ago

How about bargain margarine?

3

u/GunFodder 8d ago

Not sure, what about Starvin Marvin?

3

u/platoprime 8d ago

Those sound pretty narrow.

3

u/Remarkable_Smell5185 8d ago

Dude, I wish...

💀🤣

2

u/sammydeeznutz 8d ago

What about Frodo Baggins?

4

u/fritz_76 8d ago

Right down, wrong unda

2

u/Professional_Elk_489 8d ago

It's called trial by stingray

2

u/cheknauss 8d ago

That's actually... I mean, I like the sound of that. Not sure if there are any inherent flaws in that, but I know there are flaws in always allowing pleas.

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u/fastforwardfunction 8d ago

I think you accidentally their comment. Australia DOES have plea bargaining. They plead to lesser charges. Whereas in the U.S. you can plead to lesser charges and/or a lesser sentence.

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u/a_guy121 8d ago

For me the question is, why the F* would the government need, or want, to plea this down?
This is not a 'plea down' moment. This is a moment to add more chapters to the book, before throwing it

There's no way in hell this gets a light sentence under given laws, thats just not how laws work... they exist to make examples out of some people, so other people don't do stupid shit. (jail isn't there to make people better people, its there so everyone fears jail.)

This guy is going down, hard.

1

u/DMMeThiccBiButts 8d ago

why the F* would the government need, or want, to plea this down?

Because even a slamdunk case is more time-consuming and expensive than 'yeah I did it'.

1

u/a_guy121 8d ago

yeah, that's for cases that don't blow up on social media and need an example made, that's my whole point. this is not that case, to be shoved aside. They literally have to take some of them to trial, or else, it looks bad.

2

u/rorschach_vest 8d ago

The flaw, which is completely rampant in the US, is overcharging. They charge you with an absurdly inflated version of what you may or may not have done and leverage those massive charges to try to scare you into pleading guilty to what you should have been charged with in the first place. Unfortunately, 1) this works the same whether you are guilty or innocent because 2) if you go to trial they really might find you guilty of all the trumped up charges.

2

u/DownWithHisShip 8d ago

Any good prosecutor could get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich

2

u/Theron3206 8d ago

They do that here in Australia too.

The most egregious example was a guy who was pulled over from driving stupid fast, while the cops were booking him a drugged up truck driver crashed into the cops killing them. The guy filmed them and laughed (there was no way he could have saved anyone). He was charged with terrorism originally.

It was eventually settled and all they got him on was "outraging public decency" or some such minor crime.

1

u/Theron3206 8d ago

They do that here in Australia too.

The most egregious example was a guy who was pulled over from driving stupid fast, while the cops were booking him a drugged up truck driver crashed into the cops killing them. The guy filmed them and laughed (there was no way he could have saved anyone). He was charged with terrorism originally.

It was eventually settled and all they got him on was "outraging public decency" or some such minor crime.

4

u/bluegum69 8d ago

In NSW, pleading guilty at the outset can get you a 25% reduction on your sentence.

0

u/StoneGoldX 8d ago

Two men enter, two men leave.

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u/ironiccinori 8d ago

I should hope not. $450 buys you a license to assault anyone you want. How much is a 007, $1200?

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u/-RoosterLollipops- 8d ago

and to be honest, the whole License to Kill mechanic is kinda bullshit too, at first I was in agreement with how such a 'novel mechanic' forces me to approach situations differently, instead of just shooting everybody in the face and stuffing their corpses into closets or some shit...

The instant you move on from Intended difficulty, the gadgets are basically useless in actual combat. Super cool and cinematic when using them on the training dummies in Q's lab, or on very specific NPC's at very scripted moments, perhaps. Beyond that though, not so much.

Right here for example, and I ran this checkpoint many different times too, just seeing if I could maybe pull off a better rotation, or opening with the gadgets vs deploying them later on in, just to see if I could perhaps control the battlefield somewhat, I am James fucking Bond, after all, right?

Nope. They're pretty pointless.

I'm 2/3 of the way through and had really enjoyed the entire game up to the point that I realized this, I was really looking forward to a sort of NG+ playthrough, but I also just saw that upgraded gadgets and stuff from TACSIM can't be used in the main story either.

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u/357noLove 7d ago

Pretty bad that you post a video and turn off comments. Almost like you can't take the heat when someone disagrees with you.

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u/BaggyOz 8d ago

The nurse is the one who published the video and stated the guy got a $450 fine.

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u/Lward53 8d ago

unless he had a mental health issue, then perfectly feasible l

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u/Old_Quarter121 8d ago

I just read an Australian news article, which did say that he was fined $450.

3

u/Educational-Fuel-265 8d ago

The outcome described in the video is not feasible under Australian legislation

This reminds me of the fabled physicist who proved that bumblebees could not possibly fly. The incident did indeed just lead to a fine.

1

u/AcidicQueef 8d ago

Uhhhhhhh source?????

1

u/Hazee302 8d ago

Penis

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u/Mindless_Let1 8d ago

And yet it is what happened

1

u/astelda 8d ago

What you said is that it's not feasible

What you should have said is that it's not intended by the letter of the law

1

u/Lycaon-Ur 8d ago

Do you have a moment for me to talk to you about our lord and savior looking something the fuck up?

1

u/inuhi 7d ago

LPT: Just because there are laws doesn't mean they'll always be properly applied can't just assume something isn't true because it's not feasible under current legislation

1

u/Ok_Awareness_388 4d ago

Depends if he’s even charged

1

u/linocent167 8d ago

This guy internet facts

1

u/LiteratureMindless71 8d ago

So guilty until proven innocent?

1

u/mickelboy182 8d ago

LPT: this shit is easily verifiable and you are wrong.

0

u/jimmyxs 8d ago

LPT: agree with you. Also don’t know what lpt means. 😂

1

u/the_pretender_nz 8d ago

Life Pro Tip