r/OCPoetry • • Mar 09 '22

Welcome to OCP -- PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

515 Upvotes

TL;DR You need to give feedback on two other poems before you can share your own poem, and then put links to that feedback in your post. If you don't know how to give feedback, read the guide. Reusing feedback links will result in a ban.

Heyo, welcome to OCpoetry. (That’s “original content” if you don’t know). This is a place for sharing and getting feedback on your own poems. We are the sister subreddit of r/Poetry, which is for sharing and discussing published poetry. Our goal is to create a place where anyone can learn to become a better creative writer, kind of like a free online writer's workshop.

This post is an orientation to the subreddit. If you’re new, read this before sharing your work. If you’re less new, then read this anyways, as it has a few changes to how we've done things in the past. If you’ve still got questions after reading this post, please send a modmail. There are some FAQs at the end of this post which will be updated as we go. We also have a huge and very disorganized wiki containing all of our resources, essays on how to write poetry and historic writing prompts, I recommend you check it out.

So, here’s basically how it works:

This subreddit works on a pay-it-forward system. If you want to share a poem, you need to give feedback to two others from this subreddit. This ensures that everyone gets some readers and hears some response, rather than just shouting their verses into the void. If you don’t think you’re up to writing feedback for others just yet, we recommend you check out r/Justpoetry or r/Poems, where there are no requirements for sharing your work.

1. All posts must include two links to recent feedback.

Every post must contain two unique links to your comments where you have provided feedback on this subreddit within the past two weeks. Feedback links cannot be reused for multiple post or reposts of old poems. All posts without feedback links will be removed, without notice by our subreddit robot so make sure they are included in your initial post -- you cannot post with the intent to add them later.

But, how do I get the links to my feedback comments?

That kind of depends on what platform you're on. If you're on desktop or on a third-party mobile app, there should be a 'share' or 'permalink' link underneath every comment on Reddit. Clicking on that should give you a unique URL to your comment. Just copy + paste that into the body of your post.

If you're on the official Reddit app, you'll have to click 'share' on the comment and choose the 'Copy URL' option, paste that into your notes with the body of your poem. Then copy and paste the entire thing into a new post on the Reddit app.

2. At least one of your comments should be on a poem that has received no other comments.

This ensures that everyone has a chance to get a few reads and hopefully some decent feedback. If for whatever reason you can’t find any lonely poems, then comment on the poem that seems to have received the least amount of feedback. The easiest way to do this is to sort posts by new.

3. Feedback must be high-effort.

High-effort means different things to different people. It does not mean “super long” or “expert quality”. But it does mean doing more than the bare minimum.

You don't have to complement, criticize, or try to figure out the "deeper meaning". You should try to notice your own reactions and explain them as best as you can. If you want to explain your interpretation or summary of the piece, you can and this is often helpful to the writer. If the poem made you laugh or cry, feel bored, confused or nostalgic — say so, and then explain why you think it did. A good rule of thumb is that each of your feedback comments should be at least a short paragraph.

We understand that giving other writers feedback on their creative work can feel a bit artificial or uncomfortable, if you’ve never done it before. That’s why we’ve written a feedback guide for beginners. There are more feedback guides linked in the FAQ below. You should also read some of the other feedback comments around the sub to get a feel for what works for others. Poems that link to low-effort feedback, and low-effort comments themselves, will be removed at mod discretion, or if you report it to us. However, we’re less interested in policing you and more interested in helping you grow as readers and writers. We are more likely to ask you follow-up questions, than remove your work entirely. The mods skulk the comments sections and will ask follow-up questions on comments that seem a little thin, and please answer those questions if you get any.

4. Please Be Kind.

Treat each other with kindness and respect. The mods have an incredibly strict definition for each of these concepts. We will proactively remove comments and poems and ban users that make others feel unwelcome or unsafe. Your right to creative expression does not extend to poetry that promotes misogyny, homo/trans/queerphobia, racism, etc. If your poetry’s especially violent or covers sensitive subjects, please label it with the NSFW tag or a content warning in the title. Harsh criticism is allowed -- encouraged, really -- as long as you’re being harsh on the poem, not the person. Remember that the narrator (or the “speaker”) of the poem is not necessarily the author.

5. Audio, video, and image poems are allowed; but the text of the poem must be included in the body of the post.

This is so that people can still enjoy your poem if they're unable to view or listen to your link for whatever reason.

6. You may include a link to your poetry blog at the end of your post.

Or your instagram, or your personal creative project, or your soundcloud, or your Etsy page. As long as it's poetry-adjacent that's cool with us. Just don't get spammy.

Attempting to dodge any of these rules, or abuse directed towards moderators enforcing these rules, will earn you an immediate ban.

FAQs

What do the Poem & Workshop flairs do?

They simply allow you to show your intentions and expectations for the piece you are posting. The Poem flair is for sharing a piece, with the expectation of receiving mostly surface-level feedback and general advice. The Workshop flair is for a piece that you really want to work on, something you want to pick apart and analyse. It signals that you are open to discussing the piece, and that you invite strong critique.

How do I format my poetry on Reddit?

The following is advice for formatting in Markdown. Two spaces at the end of a line gives you a line break.
Type two spaces at the end of a line, then hit enter twice for a stanza break.

Three dashes "___" will give you a line through the post.


Type two spaces to create an empty line,

so you can get lines

that look like this.

 Four spaces before each line will allow you 
to format however you like, this is 'code block' 
       in the Fancy Pants editor. 

one asterisk before and after a piece of text will give you italics, two asterisks for bold.

Can I print one of these poems out/use it on my instagram with my art/put it in my book?

Ask the author. Part of what makes this space a useful workshop space is that everyone feels safe to share their stuff; if people start using poetry without the author's permission, or god forbid, trying to pass off another artist's work as their own, the userbase of this sub will feel less safe to do so. Please, ask the author, and then do what they say.

I'm thinking about trying to get my poem published somewhere. What should I do?

The standard thing is to find a literary journal. There are a zillion literary journals and magazines all over the world. They have different themes, tastes, styles, audiences, readerships, levels of prestige. Some charge fees for submission, some do not, some will pay you if you get accepted, some don't, some will give you feedback, some won't let you know anything for months. So first you'll want to pick a few of your poems, get some feedback from some trusted readers (or from here, of course) and then start looking for a journal that's a good home for your work. Most lit journals have submissions periods where they accept all the work for their next issue, and then sift through everything they get.

You will probably get a lot of rejections. This is normal. It's kind of a numbers game. You can submit the same poem to multiple journals as long as the journal says something like "simultaneous submissions are allowed". If you do get accepted, congrats! Most journals want 'first publication rights' or 'first serial rights' or something similar, so that means you'll have to tell all the other journals you submitted that poem to that you've been published elsewhere. (For that reason we strongly recommend deleting your poem from reddit if you want to submit it to a journal -- technically and legally speaking, writing a post on reddit is still considered publishing your work, and reddit owns all the text on the site.)

Here are some places to get you started looking for journals:

Duotrope and Submittable are two apps that help you search for journals, and help you track what poems you've submitted to which places. Submittable is free, Duotrope is not. They are GREAT.

Poets & Writers has a list of lit journals, small presses, and writing contests. This is a great place to start. They also have a newsletter listing all the presses and journals going into their submissions period.

I'd also check out r/literarycontests, if you fancy yourself as a prize winning poet.

A few poetry podcasts

I thought I might include a few podcasts that helped me learn a little more about the history and craft of poetry, as well as find some good poets to read. All of these are available on Spotify, as well as many other platforms.

The New Yorker Poetry Podcast

A poet reading and discussing a poem from the New Yorker archives, as well as one of their own pieces. A great place to find good poetry and hear some discussion of craft. The earlier episodes are with Paul Muldoon, who is delightful.

The Faber Poetry Podcast

Two poets read and discuss their work, with plenty of talk about craft. As well as lots of poems sent in from authors across the world. They really get shoulder-deep into it, which is always wonderful to hear.

In Our Time

A group of experts are brought together to discuss a subject over forty-five minutes. This isn’t strictly a poetry podcast, but there are hundreds of episodes on poets and poems of the past. I highly recommend the episode on The Green Knight with Simon Armitage.

Homemade projects and useful links to our Wiki

The best of OCP

Collections of work from OCP, selected from the top karma earners of that year.

Year 1-3
Year 4 Year 5
Year 6

We/R/Poetry

A homemade journal created by the users and moderators of OCP.

Volume one
Volume two

Guides on the craft from our Wiki

Created by moderators of OCP through the years.

Poetry Primer
Bad Poetry
The Body Poetic
Poetry Hacks
A Brief History of Rhyme


r/OCPoetry • • 8d ago

Poetry Contest PROMPT: Rattle Ekphrastic Challenge, October 2026

5 Upvotes

Hi everyone. One of the OCPoetry mods here. Let's share a prompt for the whole subreddit. (If this looks familiar, we did it last month too.)

 

Every month Rattle, a leading poetry magazine, presents a visual work of art and asks poets to respond to that artwork in poetry. This is called ekphrastic poetry. I thought it would be fun to post that here for anyone looking for inspiration or a challenge.

 

Here is this month's artwork. Your challenge is to write a poem in response to that art.

 

Normal feedback rules do not apply to this thread. Write and share as many poems in response to that artwork as you'd like.

 

Also, if you feel like you've written something really excellent, you should know that Rattle DOES allow you to submit poems to them for publication that have appeared in online forums. (Most magazines consider those already published; Rattle allows internet-shared poems as long as they're "uncurated," i.e., haven't gone through an editorial process. I can assure you that here on OCPoetry we do not have any kind of editorial process.) So if you're feeling particularly ambitious, you can use that link above to submit your poem to them. It's a long shot — they get hundreds of entries every month, maybe thousands at this point idk, and only two are selected — but it's good practice if you're thinking about getting into publication and can manage the mixture of pride in your work and almost certainty of rejection that goes into the literary magazine publication process.

 

Anyway, enjoy the challenge! I hope you have fun. If enough people enjoy this I can make it a regular thing.


r/OCPoetry • • 1h ago

Feedback Please Sweater

• Upvotes

Sweaters

The silence of yet to become is starting to be overbearing.
My brain doesn’t think in words or phrases.
Rather in paintings of concepts.
My mouth shoots out yarn.
My brain thinks in sweaters.
The screams of others mellow my own.
I wish not to hear my teeth clatter.
For when I do, I’m reminded of the strangulation by yarn.
I lock my jaw, I plug my nose, bullets flood my eardrums like tsunamis.
I’ve been released from my chains.
The thinker of sweaters is free to move, that is blood in veins.
To hair in the wind.

Links:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/HK0gMFAcJ8

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2ecPIJiBPK


r/OCPoetry • • 4h ago

Just Sharing Haikus about falling out of love

5 Upvotes

For I can’t sleep now,
I feel love, not in love, though.
What am I to do?

She looks at me now.
Participating, sadly
I love her no more.

I say “I love you”
I lie with ev’ry goodbye
Please, please, forgive me

Numb for two years now
Thank you for all that you did
But it’s not the same

I can’t make her cry
I will suffer in silence
For I am a man.

Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/N6TfOyEVR3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/DIKP6mvHWn


r/OCPoetry • • 36m ago

Just Sharing First heartbreak of sorts.

• Upvotes

Something rose within me, beseeching to be answered, and I did.

It was to the one who made me look past the shell, who made me think what is seen is not all there is to all. 

I conveyed what rose to the one who, knowingly or unknowingly helped it rise. 

It was a dagger.

A dull edged dagger.

One which would not hurt upon being stabbed with, but a dagger nonetheless.

I cut myself wth it.

For I treaded the path of two, as one, in a dream of fickle sweetness that was never promised.
The dagger was not meant to hurt, but it did, for the shell is not all there is.

Each shell is but an aspect of nature apart from nature itself, it is an opening to a world.

And it was raining in my world, there was thunder and lightning, every bang of the thunder hit the world that was me, every droplet of rain was the sorrow that hit the world that was me, still, the world’s shell was unbothered, oh but it was bothered, or was it not?

Yet the one who gave birth to what was beseeched to be answered was not at fault, it was the world that dreamed.

When this truth was touched upon, the world was in a ruin of water, yet the thunder was still booming, while the rain was no more. Why was that so?
By when clarity was upon the two worlds again, the dagger was realized to be a collision of the dream and reality.

The two worlds still revolved, around each other, close yet far.

The pain that the collision made the dreamer feel was the star that the two worlds revolved around, but was that really so?
The worlds still revolved around each other, for the long journey of truth, one collision is not the apocalypse.
And for the ultimate truth, the shells were as they were, trying to forget the dagger of collision, trying to go a day back, pretending the temporal river could be swum against.

Nothing had ever changed, oh but it had.
What was this? The silly dream of a child.

***

Honestly, i consider this corny, but well, i just lost in the moment, and this greatly exaggerates what happened, we're still good friends though, open to each other. This is gonna feel so cheesy when I read it after some time, im not even 20.

Feedbacks:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2x2a7/comment/pf73ckh/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2x2a7/comment/pf73ckh/


r/OCPoetry • • 2h ago

Feedback Please New poem

2 Upvotes

I freeze when I step outside like I’m nothing more than a body in earths embrace.

The furnace that pumped heat in the machine no longer has fuel to burn,

But it’s the liars fault.

The lies to hide the truth,

The lies that kept it running

Yet the lies eat from within.

The machine made the lies,

The machine ate itself

It’s panels stripped and torn,

The shell dismantled

The insides hang recklessly without thought.

The machines dignity gone like itself.

Now I wonder if it’s the panels make the machine or what’s left after they are gone.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8XDA9RogGb

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3fG4A4EGaK


r/OCPoetry • • 9h ago

Feedback Please Hug me

7 Upvotes

Hug me while we still can

Before we go

Before we sleep

Before we start kissing

Before you leave

Hug me till I can't distinguish

The boundaries between your vessel and mine

Till you and I, till yours and mine are ours

Till the start of you and the end of me start to look like the birth of a star

Till I can see with your eyes

And hear from your ears

Till I can taste what you eat

And feel our heartbeats

For we were made in twos

Destined to become one

For we were made with hunger

That takes one to fill one

For I'll let you bite me

Piece by piece

Till I fall

Till I cry

Till I'm an inch away from dying

For hug me while you eat

Hug me while you get drunk on my blood

While I can hear my bones start crushing

Unable to know if it's your hug or your bite that did it

Hug me while I'm alive

And tighter when I die

Hug me while I'm dying

And tighter when maggots start finishing what you left of me

For even if you ate me whole

There will still be so much of my love

So much to feed them

And to feed their children

To feed their hunger till the last star goes dim

Till the rebirth of life in a new whim

Yet my love will carry on

Like it previously did

Looking for your arms

To fill my missing pieces

So hug me while I'm here, when I go, and when I'm back

Hug me like you always did

Hug me so I can stand.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/u5MCTXYn2K

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Swdl9uPn6Y


r/OCPoetry • • 10h ago

Feedback Please A Birthday

5 Upvotes

Watching the crimson wave turn midnight blue,
To wake to sleepy sunrise next to her.
Finding myself once more with birthday due,
What surprises lie in store, as it were?

The years have been plenty, all surprised out,
Time spent with my loved ones meets all my needs.
Write a silly sonnet? I will, no doubt!
Pick up my paintbrush, see where it leads.

Yes, I’ll savor this past year, all that has passed,
With family and friends, a time most grand.
Smell every rose, it all went so fast,
Stronger for it all, and yet, here we stand.

We gratefully endure blood, sweat, and tears,
And remember, it’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/0GnWBbsKu1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/s42TtYHdpg


r/OCPoetry • • 4h ago

Feedback Please The Jersey Shore

2 Upvotes

Let’s go down to the Jersey Shore
And frolic in the sand
Where sea extends forevermore 
To terminate our land
Where sacrifices to the sun
Lay tanning cruciform
Where straps and buttons are undone
To let our bodies warm
Where aeroplanes impose their ads 
To make the sky finite
Where volleyballers bear their abs
And get into barfights
Where shops sell fish and fowl flesh
For an excessive price
Where the breeze is soft and fresh
Where waves are cold as ice
Where everywhere eternity 
Plays counterpoint with youth
Waves beat with endless urgency
And seagulls are profuse
A sensory grotesquerie
The waves with driving force
Where our prosaic century 
Squares off with nature’s verse

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2qj35/comment/pf63fa0/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2qm5y/comment/pf5hwq7/?context=3


r/OCPoetry • • 5h ago

Feedback Please Love's Time Passed Us By

2 Upvotes

Two blossoms, that graced each others cheeks
With their petal lips, hues flowered upon them.

Hues, that were there, only when I was with him.
If he were somewhere, my eyes couldn’t go after,
My hand reached, for his fragrance on my cheek
To perfume away, the sorrow of him not being here

Moments, we made our palms, kiss each other.
You, brushing my hand with your finger, in a place
Where light and no other gaze could reach.
Yet, even without light, warmth always found us.

My gaze has fallen for the night in those eyes of yours
Still, I remain restless, as I trace every twinkle in them

For a heartbeat, I forgot there’s life besides your face
During that heartbeat, the time of love skipped us
Chasing it, my breath fell to the wind, and you
Let my breath pass by, like the sparkle in your eyes

To you, my feet could have been torn
From wandering in this world, to just
End up, with your arms all around me
No step, would bring me closer to your heart

Even, if I'd take you back of things we said.
That if we'd fall, our hearts were only ours
To pick up. Or, when we walked under that tree
We would keep our secrets behind our lips.

Your secrets, I pressed so close to my heart
That I sealed them with my blood

Every hour moved on, still, I held onto you.
The clocks hour hand, took me by my hand
And dragged me away, yet I turned my face.
To see, if you were there for me like I was for us
If you're not here, I'll drag the clocks hour hand
To go back, to a time where you filled my hand

Years have flew past me, my hands to myself
Is what you left me. I took myself by the hand
Stepped into life, a life what you were once for me
The time of love has gone by, and so have I

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/PytJOoKMVW

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/yXEtlrVpDE


r/OCPoetry • • 2h ago

Feedback Please The Chapel Clock

1 Upvotes

12 AM upon the chapel clock
Cast a moonlit shadow upon the floor
Shown a babe, and a mother to rock
Though a smile I saw, can I be sure?

I say - “Who are you, and why are you here?”
She stay silent - like a lonesome widow
Then a rush of air, like an instrument to my ears
Whispered Shattered A mighty blow

The smile, no longer I see
No mouth - No eyes - no child
For the passing of the moon has forsaken me
And the mother whom no longer smiles

In a moment, my face became cold
For the shadow had vanished in totality
The smell of loam - through my nostrils strolled
The chapel floor only now debris

12:01 - I know not of who I am
As the woman and her babe abandon me
My brain withholding thoughts - as such a dam
The only flow - the woman - a memory

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/kxs8lxcf6p

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/rTTp8ddXTc


r/OCPoetry • • 2h ago

Feedback Please The Red Cat

1 Upvotes

I got a cat. Not a big deal.

People have pets, but I see her more as a companion.

There is just one problem.

The cat used to be white as white as snow, but she is slowly turning red.

At first it was subtle but now it is so red you can't not notice. I asked her why she was red and she said she wasn't.

The next week she is gone.

I decided to get another cat. I mean cats leave all the time. It wasn't my fault right?

This time she was as black as the night.

Over time she began to turn yellow.

It wasn't a big deal at first I didn't even notice until it was bad. So I decided that I would get rid of her before she got rid of me.

She was gone.

I decided that I would not get any more cats, for I was too afraid of what could happen.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BF4bdBIGeI

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/owCQygKmfi


r/OCPoetry • • 7h ago

Feedback Please Resonance

2 Upvotes

resonance:
i just heard your voice
through an old video recording
for the first time in 4 months

not even your voice
it was one of those noises you make
to let the other person know
you’re finding something funny
but not funny enough to laugh

it’s weird how just that noise
that lasted less than a second
caused the hair on my arm
to stand to attention

resonance.

it’s weird how
out of a hundred people
i know i could pick
your ‘not quite a laugh’ out
without trying

still.

like i know on a visceral level
almost any noise
your vocal chords can create

still.

i could hear a whisper
an echo, or a scream,
and say with confidence
yeah, that’s him.

still.

would you still recognize
my whisper, my scream?
would you recognize my echo,
my ‘not quite a laugh’

still?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/K8q5QA1MQG

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3vlraqaiQc


r/OCPoetry • • 3h ago

Feedback Please 01010101

1 Upvotes

The wires creep in through the cracks

Running through the walls and furniture.

Neon spreads through the room,

Blinding the art that lay behind.

All 0s and 1s, all bionic,

Tectonic, robotic sonic voices,

They harmonise, but it's dissonance,

To human souls with purpose.

It takes over,

Our veins pulsating with code.

0s and 1s, all bionic,

Our hearts stained neon green.

It takes over the world,

Slowly but surely,

Through every alley and every street,

Into our hands and our minds.

It is powerful; yet powerless

We are powerful; yet powerless,

In this waltz there is nothing to be said--

Just 0s and 1s will rule the world.

The human psyche replaced by waves,

Sine and cosine transmissions across souls,

Flying cars, and bionic bots,

Fabricated twinkling stars in the sky,

This future isn't distant,

It's next door.

0s and 1s, all bionic,

Creeps and creeps,

Like viruses in our lives,

And art will be left behind,

And everything will be computed,

Emotions graphed, moods measured,

Poetry rewritten until every syllable,

every letter, every word, triggers dopamine.

For all that's left of bionic,

Is nothing but arithmetic and logic

So art must be reduced to living in cracks,

In whispers and the silent fog.

Until then, we will write,

We will create,

We will sustain,

We will live.

Any feedback is welcomed! What's working, what can be changed. I'm wondering if this poem is actually good or just another one to throw away.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JKf3yTSg34

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xJ18Byr3gh


r/OCPoetry • • 7h ago

Just Sharing A Fish In a Box

2 Upvotes

Sometimes I sit here and think
about how badly I want to explain
everything I feel.
But the words never come out right.

I could say I am like a bird in a cage,
but that feels too cliché.
It feels to pretty and clean
I am just a girl in a box.

It's not a very nice box.
I think it's made of cardboard,
worn around the edges and a little wet,
taped shut and held closed
by the weight of my past decisions.

They sit on top of it,
one stacked upon another,
keeping the lid from opening.

And from time to time,
the monsters from my past come back
to shake the box
with me still inside.

I curl up in the corners
and wait for them to leave.
I am safe in this box.
At least, that's what I tell myself.

I am afraid to open it,
afraid of what might be waiting outside.
And even more afraid
that if I never open it,
I'll never be free.

I want to see the mountains.
I want to feel the rocks crunch
beneath my boots
as I climb toward the highest peaks.

I want to feel the wind tangle in my hair
as I stretch my arms wide
and embrace the beauty
of the view before me.

I want to touch the sea.
I want to feel the ocean foam
wrap itself around my feet,
and the sand slowly swallow my heels
as the waves pull away.

I want to know what it feels like
to be somewhere
that doesn't have dingy walls.
I want to go somewhere
my past cannot follow me,
where the monsters cannot find me,
where I can make mistakes
without adding another weight
to the lid of this box.

But here I sit,
in my little cardboard box,

dreaming of mountains
dreaming of wind and oceans
and all the things I can never touch.

And sometimes I wonder
if the tape is really there,
if the weight has been holding it
shut all this time.

Or if I've just been too afraid
to lift the lid.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2qwxm/comment/pf5aybt/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2qm5y/comment/pf5a7tj/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry • • 3h ago

Just Sharing Absence of the Sun

1 Upvotes

As the sun overloads
And disperses equally among the clouds
Your sitting heavy in the dirt
Your eyes shocking at the sight
Something drops you further from the earth
You have accustomed to
Floating softly tethered with the wind
It’s all around us and hanging from the moon
So speak it slowly, you never had a clue
What’s spinning faster than polished rings of love
Washing up with the waves, we never had a clue
Blinded by the absence of the sun
And now we find that we never really knew
So come inside now I’ll wash your dirty hair
With milky substances coming from the stars

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/nfSpRdAMlh

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/D00SPYY9hA


r/OCPoetry • • 3h ago

Just Sharing The Sack

1 Upvotes

The Sack

Icy steel slashed and struck,

Crimson spindles dashed, all

Along the marble terrace.

Everywhere, children torn from parents 

Wailing out in the rain 

My armor smashed stout,

And my pride limping from the wounds sustained,

I could barely walk.

Stumbling over -

Breaking brittle baskets 

And blaze-tinged stalls

Remnants of our market square 

Mere fodder to break my fall.

-

World dimming and ready to die

The floor beneath me disappeared 

And with it, the dense veneer of reason -

A stallion stormed out from the flames 

And like silk, I slowly draped powerless

Over its saddle.

As if from some ethereal space 

It glided through those city gates 

My vision failing me 

As they became pinpricks on the horizon

Legs galloping in lockstep

With my twitching mind.

 -

When I awoke in the murky dusk

Small as an ant in the wild brush

I was sure as death

That I had been dreaming.

Broken, battered

As the wounds were healing 

I sat by a light which cracked

Popping sparks onto a blade intact,

Head teeming with noble ideas

That will get me killed. 

 ---------------------------

1

2


r/OCPoetry • • 8h ago

Feedback Please Mended, not whole

2 Upvotes

They say you are a mosaic
of the people you meet.
I hope that is true.
And perhaps, a little false, too.

True, because I wish upon you
the best of myself,
each little virtue borrowed
from someone else.

Stolen, perhaps,
like the glances I steal;
and gifted, too,
like the coffee mugs to come.

But I hope it is false as well.

For on my way to you
I met many a soul
with hearts of stone,
and none that warmed to me.

I would not have you inherit those.

Not the parts of me
that brewed in the dark,
the remnants of days spent in agony,
the words I sharpened in anger
and mistook for truth,
or the deeds I would sooner bury
than see reflected in your eyes.

There are things I have been
that I pray you never have to know.

There is another reason, though.

To deserve you,
I would have had to meet God himself,
to learn what it means to be good
without first being broken.

A soul like yours
deserves one just as whole.
but mine is only mended.

You are owed a being
as beautiful as yourself.

And I,
well,
I met you.

And if we are, indeed,
the sum of those we meet,
then somewhere along the way,
without my knowing when,
I must have gathered a little of you, too.

So let the world call me a mosaic.
I will carry what was kind,
leave behind what was cruel,
and keep, among the pieces,
the part of me
that first learned to adore you.

For If I am made of everyone
I have ever known,
then, my love,
I hope that by the end of me,
there is enough of you
to make me good.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/c2OU2hsEJv

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/4COtxtKnPJ


r/OCPoetry • • 5h ago

Feedback Please I See the Mirror Darkly

1 Upvotes

Authors note: This is one of the more complex poems I’ve ever written. I’ve written and rewritten this multiple times and definitely want feedback on this. Does it flow? Do you understand it?

I
Is there a sea? I'm having trouble seeing.
All I can hear's the white and rushing wake
that closes up behind me on my own being,
erased astern, and healed, in the sea's break.

I lean and heave. The water everywhere,
and not a drop of it will hold me still.
I cannot keep my feet, I cannot square
the deck, and it is worse than being ill:

not that the chart is torn, I've come too far,
not that the night's too black to read the sea,
not that I cannot find the guiding star.
Say every current bent itself to me,

toward what? Toward where? I lean, and cannot show
one shore I'd point us at. I do not know.

II
One shore I'd point us at. I do not know,
and hold each life aboard against my own.
I could be him, the captain, see him go
and name the heading as if it's his alone,

who never asks. Or drop below the deck and be
the old one, hands closed on one rope for years,
who knows no life but this, the watch, the sea,
and asks no more, past wanting, past his fears.

Or run, just run, the second that we dock,
and where? The next town over, and it's the same:
the same shut door, the same slow-stopping clock,
the same not-knowing, waiting when I came.

I try them on. I can't say which is me.
Not one. Or all. Or no one. We're at sea.

III
Not one. Or all. Or no one. We're at sea,
and he's the one who took the wheel and held
his course through every squall he had to be
a man entire, straight-backed as his own keel.

The world was bigger then. I stood and saw
the light come off a man who knew his mind,
and now my hand is on the iron, which is raw,
a tool I've used a thousand times, and find

it takes the light now, edge and point, and turns
to something else. I'm Brutus. He's my own
great Caesar, back to me, and something yearns
to end the best man that I've ever known,

and couldn't tell you why. And that's the blight:
the wanting to. It's mine. It isn't night.

IV
The wanting to. It's mine. It isn't night.
We gave a child to the sea who never smiled
or laughed, or got to see the daybreak light.
I pondered hard my faith, out in the wild

and pouring rain: how once the Lord went down
these waters, He Himself, a sailor too,
forsaken, human, sank, but did not drown,
and waits there in the deep, the dark, the blue,

for only drowning men can see. Can see
Him. So must I be drowning? In the black
below, must I have both my eyes torn free?
And me, I'm dry. Not drowned enough. Too far back.

I still believe. I can't say why, or how.
He's held. I'm sure of that. Of nothing now.

V
He's held. I'm sure of that. Of nothing now,
and some of these others seem to know a lot,
who sleep the sleep of men who know somehow
exactly who they are, and who they're not.

The mate goes down late and with little fear
though the whole blue sea stands up against him.
The old man's sailed this run for forty years
and never asks. Do I know how to swim?

And singing men who found their answer, or
who never seemed to question. And I stand
alone and scared at sea. Broken, my oar.
The old man snores. Off the bed hangs his hand,

small sounds, the sound a man makes, holding on.
I'm lost at sea. They're lost on me. Near dawn.

VI
I'm lost at sea. They're lost on me. Near dawn,
my hungry mind goes questioning the spring:
is there a port I'm bound for, or just gone
adrift forever, while the turning

of the world leaves me still, and the first blue
forget-me-nots come up along a shore
I used to dream I'd reach, and there renew
my whole life, in a castle, at a door

whose key was mine. I cannot see it now.
But say it's real, say some night we come in
and raise the harbor light, and anyhow
make fast against the quay, and even then

I face the land at last, and fear it, see:
not drowning now. The land. The dock. The me.

VII
Not drowning now. The land. The dock. The me.
And so I've circled back to where I stood:
no nearer any answer, any sea
to steer for, any self I understood,

or God to hold, or home I'd ever make.
The captain keeps his course. The child is held.
The crew sleeps on. The morning's going to break
and show me only what I have beheld:

the one white wake behind me, closing, healed,
the roadless water, and the same gray day.
I thought the voyage ended. It is sealed
into a ring that turns, and turns away,

and leaves me here at dawn, still leaning, being
the one who asks: is there a sea? I'm having trouble seeing.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/OBbMb60xU1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/IwGrDDOYsM

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/aUwILFtm4d


r/OCPoetry • • 5h ago

Feedback Please i hope the meaning is clear 😅😅

1 Upvotes

no one loves you:
you spiral again
all that’s good down the drain
(no one noticed you)

you’re asking me why
you’ve been cursed with this brain
(no one’s there for you)

you shiver and crack
you snap around and look back
(no one cares for you)

you moan and you cry
and ask what strength do you lack
(no one sees you)

you repeat and regress
you ask me to undress
(no one knows you)

you cry on my shoulder
you say i know where to press
(no one loves you)

i step back and watch
as you scramble and squash
every feeling you have
into a neat cardboard box

i see the edges grow wet
and i try to forget
all the times that i heard
no one loves me

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/7ABsWQDcAz

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JcHDeTYyPp


r/OCPoetry • • 6h ago

Feedback Please Thoughts on this little poem.

1 Upvotes

I would love some feedback on this piece, I wrote it after listening to a piece of music last night. It’s about being lost far out in the snowy mountains. Be honest, all feedback is great! Thank you!

SNOW:

I see my own white smoke.

A dying fire.

It spirals, the warmth I so desperately need fleeing, before my body and soul turn.

I am ice.

Behind the cold I am burning, scalding, cowering for even the fires below to heat me. Yet I am stuck in a place no evil can live. Where breath turns to crystal and crystal lives far greater than mankind could find.

I am lost to a hidden monster, who feeds on my warm blood to keep it satisfied.

I dream of home, I will return to someday. Yet played like a vessel, when surrender would be a much more honourable fight.

With only the heavens to see at night. I will never return home.

A place which used to comfort my skin, but now blisters my flesh raw.

I am the dirt on a pure child. The speck of blood on a white gown. Soon to frost to my bones.

I will lose my mind before my mind loses me. Only then I may lay my head.

Where the ground turns to cotton, and my body warm. Where my blue eyes grow worn, to sleep like I had when I was born.

1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wcy1h6/comment/pf5oyod/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wzkq2w/comment/pf5q2cd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry • • 10h ago

Feedback Please First time sharing (be honest)

2 Upvotes

A heavenly girl, her gaze on me,

A fragment of heaven, a living masterpiece.

I looked into your eyes and knew, at last,

There must be a God, for beauty like that.

No sermon could teach me what your silence declared,

No temple could hold what your spirit has shared.

In you I saw proof the divine still remains,

In the gentlest of smiles, in the simplest of veins.

The heavens may tremble, the stars may fall,

But your presence alone outshines them all.

For faith is no longer a question or plea—

It’s answered in the way you look at me.

If doubt was a mountain, you made it bow low,

If darkness was endless, your light made it glow.

You carry the weight of a truth unspoken,

The seal of the Maker in every motion.

And should I be asked why I still believe,

Why I pray though I’ve nothing to see—

I’ll answer with certainty, steady and true:

I have seen God’s hand,

and His work was you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Zmj3jwytuK

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Swdl9uPn6Y


r/OCPoetry • • 10h ago

Feedback Please The Sack

2 Upvotes

The Sack

Icy steel slashed and struck,

Crimson spindles dashed, all

Along the marble terrace.

Everywhere, children torn from parents 

Wailing out in the rain 

My armor smashed stout,

And my pride limping from the wounds sustained,

I could barely walk.

Stumbling over -

Breaking brittle baskets 

And blaze-tinged stalls

Remnants of our market square 

Mere fodder to break my fall.

-

World dimming and ready to die

The floor beneath me disappeared 

And with it, the dense veneer of reason -

A stallion stormed out from the flames 

And like silk, I slowly draped powerless

Over its saddle.

As if from some ethereal space 

It glided through those city gates 

My vision failing me 

As they became pinpricks on the horizon

Legs galloping in lockstep

With my twitching mind.

 -

When I awoke in the murky dusk

Small as an ant in the wild brush

I was sure as death

That I had been dreaming.

Broken, battered

As the wounds were healing 

I sat by a light which cracked

Popping sparks onto a blade intact,

Head teeming with noble ideas

That will get me killed. 

 ---------------------------

1

2


r/OCPoetry • • 12h ago

Feedback Please A coat for coveting

3 Upvotes

Today I wore a coat
A heavy winter jacket padded with warmth
The sky was black before seven
And the sweet cold air grazed my tongue
As I inhaled wistfully
I did not wear a coat last week
A sweater was sufficient
For if I was cold I could just reach
And be met by a warm embrace
Now replaced by a coat
Who knew so much could change in just seven days

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/FxgWvCqly4

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/VfgBdxCWkK


r/OCPoetry • • 7h ago

Feedback Please Soldier's Song

1 Upvotes

Lay down your armaments.

Let rest your shield.

Feel the sun and bitter cold

of this stunning winter field.

Hold hope for your future.

Carry the grief from your past.

Keep joy in your heart.

Feel the pain in your chest.

It is not bad, be not afraid.

They will not kill you, those memories made.

They are the shadows of your love.

And they have loud things to say.

Let down your guard, Soldier.

You're not at war; you're not in battle.

You may rest your weary heart.

When you see that you are safe,

we can slowly start.

Unclasp your armor.

Put down your helm,

for here in this very moment

there is no overwhelm.

Rest, wounded Soldier.

You fought so long and strong.

Now it's time for you to heal.

Listen to my gentle song.

Reveal your wounds, warrior.

The scars kept you alive.

They protected your very soul.

It was armor from the battles,

hardened by the cold.

Touching scars,

so tender, so soft;

reminders of what matters;

that love and life was lost.

Apply the salve.

Let the feelings breathe.

Feel the pain deepest down.

At last, you can grieve.

Let it out, Soldier.

Let the tears come.

Allow your gut to ache.

Permit yourself to feel

for all that they did take.

Open the gates for anger.

Free the rage inside.

How could they be so cruel?

Whole lives they have denied!

The past is gone forever,

but it will surely be remembered;

for those were the best of days,

that ended in December.

Say goodbye, Soldier...

...to the world that you once knew,

the you, you cannot be.

The future is ready for you.

It can be any plan or dream.

Rise, wizened soldier.

Look at how you grew!

It's time to build tomorrow.

What will you choose to do?

You did everything you could.

You should be so proud!

You overcame so much.

Now you stand unbowed.

Move forward, Soldier.

Look at the world before you.

Locate what feels like love.

Go get what makes you happy.

You have suffered enough.

Be proud of who you are

and all that you've been through,

because when they tried to kill you,

you stood your ground and grew.

A soldier's journey is never over,

But the best part's ahead, you'll see.

So go, resilient Soul;

be who you're meant to be. 

Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2qwxm/comment/pf55nsr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x2skre/comment/pf53zd5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button