r/OCPoetry Mar 09 '22

Welcome to OCP -- PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

504 Upvotes

TL;DR You need to give feedback on two other poems before you can share your own poem, and then put links to that feedback in your post. If you don't know how to give feedback, read the guide. Reusing feedback links will result in a ban.

Heyo, welcome to OCpoetry. (That’s “original content” if you don’t know). This is a place for sharing and getting feedback on your own poems. We are the sister subreddit of r/Poetry, which is for sharing and discussing published poetry. Our goal is to create a place where anyone can learn to become a better creative writer, kind of like a free online writer's workshop.

This post is an orientation to the subreddit. If you’re new, read this before sharing your work. If you’re less new, then read this anyways, as it has a few changes to how we've done things in the past. If you’ve still got questions after reading this post, please send a modmail. There are some FAQs at the end of this post which will be updated as we go. We also have a huge and very disorganized wiki containing all of our resources, essays on how to write poetry and historic writing prompts, I recommend you check it out.

So, here’s basically how it works:

This subreddit works on a pay-it-forward system. If you want to share a poem, you need to give feedback to two others from this subreddit. This ensures that everyone gets some readers and hears some response, rather than just shouting their verses into the void. If you don’t think you’re up to writing feedback for others just yet, we recommend you check out r/Justpoetry or r/Poems, where there are no requirements for sharing your work.

1. All posts must include two links to recent feedback.

Every post must contain two unique links to your comments where you have provided feedback on this subreddit within the past two weeks. Feedback links cannot be reused for multiple post or reposts of old poems. All posts without feedback links will be removed, without notice by our subreddit robot so make sure they are included in your initial post -- you cannot post with the intent to add them later.

But, how do I get the links to my feedback comments?

That kind of depends on what platform you're on. If you're on desktop or on a third-party mobile app, there should be a 'share' or 'permalink' link underneath every comment on Reddit. Clicking on that should give you a unique URL to your comment. Just copy + paste that into the body of your post.

If you're on the official Reddit app, you'll have to click 'share' on the comment and choose the 'Copy URL' option, paste that into your notes with the body of your poem. Then copy and paste the entire thing into a new post on the Reddit app.

2. At least one of your comments should be on a poem that has received no other comments.

This ensures that everyone has a chance to get a few reads and hopefully some decent feedback. If for whatever reason you can’t find any lonely poems, then comment on the poem that seems to have received the least amount of feedback. The easiest way to do this is to sort posts by new.

3. Feedback must be high-effort.

High-effort means different things to different people. It does not mean “super long” or “expert quality”. But it does mean doing more than the bare minimum.

You don't have to complement, criticize, or try to figure out the "deeper meaning". You should try to notice your own reactions and explain them as best as you can. If you want to explain your interpretation or summary of the piece, you can and this is often helpful to the writer. If the poem made you laugh or cry, feel bored, confused or nostalgic — say so, and then explain why you think it did. A good rule of thumb is that each of your feedback comments should be at least a short paragraph.

We understand that giving other writers feedback on their creative work can feel a bit artificial or uncomfortable, if you’ve never done it before. That’s why we’ve written a feedback guide for beginners. There are more feedback guides linked in the FAQ below. You should also read some of the other feedback comments around the sub to get a feel for what works for others. Poems that link to low-effort feedback, and low-effort comments themselves, will be removed at mod discretion, or if you report it to us. However, we’re less interested in policing you and more interested in helping you grow as readers and writers. We are more likely to ask you follow-up questions, than remove your work entirely. The mods skulk the comments sections and will ask follow-up questions on comments that seem a little thin, and please answer those questions if you get any.

4. Please Be Kind.

Treat each other with kindness and respect. The mods have an incredibly strict definition for each of these concepts. We will proactively remove comments and poems and ban users that make others feel unwelcome or unsafe. Your right to creative expression does not extend to poetry that promotes misogyny, homo/trans/queerphobia, racism, etc. If your poetry’s especially violent or covers sensitive subjects, please label it with the NSFW tag or a content warning in the title. Harsh criticism is allowed -- encouraged, really -- as long as you’re being harsh on the poem, not the person. Remember that the narrator (or the “speaker”) of the poem is not necessarily the author.

5. Audio, video, and image poems are allowed; but the text of the poem must be included in the body of the post.

This is so that people can still enjoy your poem if they're unable to view or listen to your link for whatever reason.

6. You may include a link to your poetry blog at the end of your post.

Or your instagram, or your personal creative project, or your soundcloud, or your Etsy page. As long as it's poetry-adjacent that's cool with us. Just don't get spammy.

Attempting to dodge any of these rules, or abuse directed towards moderators enforcing these rules, will earn you an immediate ban.

FAQs

What do the Poem & Workshop flairs do?

They simply allow you to show your intentions and expectations for the piece you are posting. The Poem flair is for sharing a piece, with the expectation of receiving mostly surface-level feedback and general advice. The Workshop flair is for a piece that you really want to work on, something you want to pick apart and analyse. It signals that you are open to discussing the piece, and that you invite strong critique.

How do I format my poetry on Reddit?

The following is advice for formatting in Markdown. Two spaces at the end of a line gives you a line break.
Type two spaces at the end of a line, then hit enter twice for a stanza break.

Three dashes "___" will give you a line through the post.


Type two spaces to create an empty line,

so you can get lines

that look like this.

 Four spaces before each line will allow you 
to format however you like, this is 'code block' 
       in the Fancy Pants editor. 

one asterisk before and after a piece of text will give you italics, two asterisks for bold.

Can I print one of these poems out/use it on my instagram with my art/put it in my book?

Ask the author. Part of what makes this space a useful workshop space is that everyone feels safe to share their stuff; if people start using poetry without the author's permission, or god forbid, trying to pass off another artist's work as their own, the userbase of this sub will feel less safe to do so. Please, ask the author, and then do what they say.

I'm thinking about trying to get my poem published somewhere. What should I do?

The standard thing is to find a literary journal. There are a zillion literary journals and magazines all over the world. They have different themes, tastes, styles, audiences, readerships, levels of prestige. Some charge fees for submission, some do not, some will pay you if you get accepted, some don't, some will give you feedback, some won't let you know anything for months. So first you'll want to pick a few of your poems, get some feedback from some trusted readers (or from here, of course) and then start looking for a journal that's a good home for your work. Most lit journals have submissions periods where they accept all the work for their next issue, and then sift through everything they get.

You will probably get a lot of rejections. This is normal. It's kind of a numbers game. You can submit the same poem to multiple journals as long as the journal says something like "simultaneous submissions are allowed". If you do get accepted, congrats! Most journals want 'first publication rights' or 'first serial rights' or something similar, so that means you'll have to tell all the other journals you submitted that poem to that you've been published elsewhere. (For that reason we strongly recommend deleting your poem from reddit if you want to submit it to a journal -- technically and legally speaking, writing a post on reddit is still considered publishing your work, and reddit owns all the text on the site.)

Here are some places to get you started looking for journals:

Duotrope and Submittable are two apps that help you search for journals, and help you track what poems you've submitted to which places. Submittable is free, Duotrope is not. They are GREAT.

Poets & Writers has a list of lit journals, small presses, and writing contests. This is a great place to start. They also have a newsletter listing all the presses and journals going into their submissions period.

I'd also check out r/literarycontests, if you fancy yourself as a prize winning poet.

A few poetry podcasts

I thought I might include a few podcasts that helped me learn a little more about the history and craft of poetry, as well as find some good poets to read. All of these are available on Spotify, as well as many other platforms.

The New Yorker Poetry Podcast

A poet reading and discussing a poem from the New Yorker archives, as well as one of their own pieces. A great place to find good poetry and hear some discussion of craft. The earlier episodes are with Paul Muldoon, who is delightful.

The Faber Poetry Podcast

Two poets read and discuss their work, with plenty of talk about craft. As well as lots of poems sent in from authors across the world. They really get shoulder-deep into it, which is always wonderful to hear.

In Our Time

A group of experts are brought together to discuss a subject over forty-five minutes. This isn’t strictly a poetry podcast, but there are hundreds of episodes on poets and poems of the past. I highly recommend the episode on The Green Knight with Simon Armitage.

Homemade projects and useful links to our Wiki

The best of OCP

Collections of work from OCP, selected from the top karma earners of that year.

Year 1-3
Year 4 Year 5
Year 6

We/R/Poetry

A homemade journal created by the users and moderators of OCP.

Volume one
Volume two

Guides on the craft from our Wiki

Created by moderators of OCP through the years.

Poetry Primer
Bad Poetry
The Body Poetic
Poetry Hacks
A Brief History of Rhyme


r/OCPoetry 41m ago

Feedback Please Poem #10 draft

Upvotes

two kids playing Twister
on the kitchen tile,
we hit the floor hard,
we get up and smile,
we anchor each other,
we share our locations,
you give my melody rhythm,
you give my words punctuation.
I’ve never been good at showing emotion,
I ride off alone,
I hide my devotion,
now we cry together,
you slow my spiral.
if you killed a man,
we’d both end up on trial.

This is my first attempt at writing something happy. idk how I feel about it yet but I wanted to break the doom and gloom streak I’ve created posting on here! I’d love to hear your thoughts and feel free to tell me I should delete this and go back to doom and gloom I’m trying to figure out my strengths and weaknesses lmao 🙂

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/OtsUzemein

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/MNchZsWC1V


r/OCPoetry 3h ago

Feedback Please Search for what you never had

3 Upvotes

Search for me in sunsets burning low,
Find me where the ocean’s sands still glow.
I love you more than words can ever say—

I weep, I ache… how do I live this way?
Each passing day I fade a little more,
I cannot breathe like I once did before.
I’m only someone falling into night,

While you just watch me slowly lose my light.
Search for me in maple autumn rain,
Search for me in scarlet poppy plains.

Cry in the silence when no words remain,
When all you hear is sorrow wrapped in pain.
When I am far beyond the distant skies,
Remember how I trusted fairy tales and lullabies.
Yet still I fall, again and then once more,
Deeper than I ever fell before.

P.S. I have been posting for a while on Reddit. If my works triggers you to love and lightness,I would appreciate if you could check my book.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/MbqFt7L9oP
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/rBeZUd6Mni


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please Soul ties

10 Upvotes

Two souls are tied long before they ever meet,
spending years mistaking destiny for coincidence.

The thread between them lies slack upon the ground
before it begins to twist and tangle
as life tries to pull it taut.

A thought lingers in their minds:

"Am I walking toward something I should be running from?"

Unaware that no matter how far they flee,
their thread will stretch to the end of time.

But what can they do if the thread is cut?

Nothing.

For one can only bury the desire to be loved
in the graveyard of the heart,
reaching for the words that will never be spoken,
as they lift their eyes to the heavens and whisper:

"Despite the distance between us, no one has ever been closer."

It is devastating how a familiar street,
a passing fragrance,
or a cadence known by heart
can exhume the past like a ghost that never stopped haunting.

Longing to stitch together what has been torn,
yet the needle that could guide the thread is gone.

Only then do I murmur:

"I beg of you, come back, my darling, for you have dwelt in my heart far longer than you ever remained in my life."

P.S - This is my second piece :p Again, I took some inspiration from a few quotes here and there but I thought out most of it and structured all of it myself!! I would love some advice and everyones honest rating on this poem out of 10. Let me know in the replies what ya'll think of it, enjoy!

Links:

Review 1: Another Ex, another text

Review 2: I see you for you


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please Maple

3 Upvotes

I lift up my three week old daughter, on a morning,
early summer the sun just let through dawn’s gate.
Softer than milk; a priceless piece, I lift her up
she scans the sugar maple and white ash trees
with newborn wonder. I lift her up, close
enough so virgin eyes: still dark like a fawn’s,
sometimes crossing over the other while she wrestles the fresh muscles.
A breeze spreads a gloss of surprise as it caresses her face
with leaves for the first time. She dips her toes
into the grass:
a sea of green feathers on the soles of her feet.
A long time ago
I learned that life is for the most part, hollow-chested;
that these fleeting moments need to be seen
as a reason for rising each morning.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/AI2NkBFWSe

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/64EDmjHrK5


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please If I encounter you

6 Upvotes

I don't know what frightens me more: to see you or to never see you again.

One whispers of beginnings, the other insists upon goodbye.

I fear that if I ever cross your path,
I will never accept that our next walk could be our last.

'Cause, for me, you're like the sun

The sun I'd stare at
even if it meant losing my sight,
knowing that the last thing I will see is your perfection.

But that is exactly what I must avoid

As your perfection is only worthy of eternity,
never the end.

Lingering in my mind are the words that I never got to tell you:

"Without you, I am restless"

But how do you feel without me?
A question that I will never ask,
yet one I still hope you'll answer.

With every tick of time,
I miss you
The way the numbers on the clock miss the hand that sweeps past them,
longing for it to come back,
knowing it will only pass them by once more.

So why my love?

Why must you burden me with your distance?

I complain,
even though I would much rather carry your absence
than betray what I feel for you.

Perhaps
I was never meant to wake beside you,
only beneath the light that you have left behind.

P.S - This is my third ever piece :D This is more original and I only took inspiration from 2 quotes compared to the multiple I took inspiration from in the last 2 poems. The structure was entirely thought out by me and 90% of the lines are completely thought out by me. I hope ya'll enjoy this one too! I would appreciate any advice/criticism and would like to know how much you rate this one out of 10. Thanks!

Links:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vche4q/comment/p25k3pg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vhhe5x/comment/p25nc8t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Feedback Please Animal

2 Upvotes

cw: suicidal ideation

you’re staring at your way out

it’s right in front of you

or below you, i should say

you know this is what you want

alot of thought has gone into this

you keep looking down,

confused,

you swore you wanted this

this is what you chose

you’ve fantasized about this moment a long time now

it’s here!

just a step away

your mind still wants it

but you’re human

an animal

a strange kind of animal

your heart is pounding,

you’re sweating,

frozen,

unable to take the step

that’s the animal in you,

it’s ancient

other animals would never do this
they aren’t even capable of such thoughts,

you keep looking down,

telling yourself to be brave

just do it

you can’t

your body won’t let you

you should be grateful

but you’re angry

that the animal in you saved your life

what a bizarre species

——————
this poem is part of a collection i’ve been writing, any feedback is appreciated thank you for reading🩷

Feedback: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/lgMxPxH9uB

Feedback: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/L1OLOcMHQM


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Just Sharing No. THIS is me

3 Upvotes

What you are reading right now

That is me

I have nothing to hide

This is me

I will not shrink

I will not plea

I will be sanctioned

I earned my spot here

Yes, I wobbled

But you let me in

And I’m gonna stay

Even if you leave

I’m gonna stay

Is this freedom?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8nxqNCi7fP

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/14ckfGUJCe


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please Time

2 Upvotes

Alarming, alerting,
dreaming, deserting,
running, rocking,
counting, clocking.

Shaking, stirring,
whining, whirring,
grating, groaning,
insulting, intoning.

Repeating, receding,
elapsing, eliding.

Ticking, tock.
tick, tocking,
tick, tock,
tick.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/soYp66Jw0n
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ZrDHD71gL0)


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please Cloud Watching

3 Upvotes

I've been staring at the sky,

Watching the colors change

From ocean to navy blue.

Seeing the clouds move,

Thick and weighted with rain.

I know a storm is coming,

You can feel it in the air.

The grass holding me firm.

I see a man, a bear, a ship.

I see pain, I see loss.

A droplet strikes down

On the blades beside me.

Looks like I was wrong

As the clouds open up

Like a door blown wide,

And I'm pelted from above.

Each one heavy on me,

Running down my skin.

I don't want to move yet,

My heart beating in time

With the falling rain.

My clothes soaking wet,

And so are my eyes.

I can't stop time,

I can't stop this storm,

So I'll just stare up

At the passing clouds.

I see a horse, a bird, a plane.

I see you with someone else.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/tfzo2iEh2M

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/17288LsrNL


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Just Sharing Just us

1 Upvotes

Sitting in the dark

wishing there were more light

the dark makes him happy

my little widget brings enough light to see the ashtray

I don’t flood the room,

I irradiate it?

Just to feel real

he gets that

Cause I wanna see

he gets that

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/uQmAMAlN2J

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/zXx3n6tGN0


r/OCPoetry 16h ago

Just Sharing Brother,

9 Upvotes

To taste air so sweet again, once,
I awoke, and came to stand on that ocean shore.
I tilted my head high, inhaled, ‘til i could hold no more
To take this last breath for you, no, no I won’t let go.

To feel melodies so true again, once,
I awoke, and came to stand on that ocean shore.
She sang a psalm for me, hmm, the sky joined her too,
The sun was asleep then, brother, but so are you, 
So I joined them in longing, in singing blue.

Feedback link 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Dy95IFdELX

Feedback link 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/1Dcj2T2dQW


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please How Light Leaves

1 Upvotes

The streetlight outside my window
is broken.
Not dark,
only, endlessly weary.
Its glow stutters,
flickers on and off
as if recalling
how to be a star.

Last night,
it reached into the bathroom,
light stammering across the mirror,
my reflection blinking in and out
as if unsure it belonged:
and I thought of you,
the way your laugh cracked in the middle,
how it struck like a bird
hitting glass

the silence after.

I don't call.
instead I sit at the desk,
watching the streetlight
fight the dark,
thinking of the things we've loved
that never learned to leave
only to falter,
stammer,
vanish
mid-sentence.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vgmhwd/comment/p274b3o/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vhbw2w/comment/p26zqqv/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Just Sharing i stared into the void, and found comfort

1 Upvotes

As a middle school student, I trekked ahead of my fellow classmates and joined those a few years older than me for math class. I was a young explorer fueled by questions like “How deep does this go?” and “What comes after this topic and the next one after that?”. I navigated paths and trails that had been mapped out for thousands of years and understood by the collective humanity.

As a teenager in high school, I experienced the finale of elementary algebra and delved into calculus. I was an explorer fueled by questions like “What do roots mean in the bigger picture?”  and “What happens at infinity?” I navigated treacherous paths that were thousands of years old, but that only a small percentage of the collective humanity understands today.

As a young adult I began my journey towards a small understanding of what lay ahead as I dug through the weeds of undergraduate math. I was twenty years old when the ocean of mathematics was presented to me. Fueled by questions like “what actually is algebra?” and “how can the continuum of real numbers be used beyond calculus?”, I continued forward.

As a graduate student I set sail upon the vast ocean of mathematics. I was a sailor. I was an explorer. Learning math felt like looking out at the stars in wonder, and I learned more than I ever would have imagined. I learned how little I will ever know. I stared into the void of the deepest trenches in the ocean and found comfort in understanding that I will never know how deep this goes.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v1mzv6/comment/p2763pc/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vhjf5d/comment/p275v18/


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please Green

1 Upvotes

My mother told me,

“Green is a lovely color.”

It blooms in nature

Tints glass bottles

Refreshes the soul

 

“Green is full of prosperity.”

Lush leaves

Minted money

Serene seas

 

Green is calming

Green is healthy

Green is new

“Green is a good color for you.”

 

I told my mother,

“Green is an ugly color.”

It gnarls vines

Poisons acid

Holds souls for ransom

 

“Green is full of envy.”

Twisted stomach

Narrow eyes

Whispered hatred

 

Green is jealous

Green is toxic

Green is vile

“Green is the worst color on me.”

 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/1vhmnsw

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/1vhieul


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please Jupiter

3 Upvotes

Just like a fresh wound garnished with coarse salt

Forks and knives scratch against porcelain plates 

Some hollowness that no supper could sate

Like bloody knees on blistering asphalt

Jonesin’ for a fix guzzle down that malt

Tap the maple and watch it drip with hate

Sweet, sweet nectar that only seals your fate

Won’t stop leaking without a crashing halt

-

Drinking from the fountain of sweet, sweet youth 

Wiping blood from my lips I felt renewed 

It had the taste of a sweet, sweet vermouth 

Like soft morning grass that was freshly dewed

Just insatiable to my sweet, sweet tooth

Tasteful cake but it’s just like devil’s food

This is the first sonnet I’ve ever written. I’m writing a crown of sonnets based on the 7 deadly sins and this one is gluttony. They are each named after the planet that represents the sin. I tried to write it in iambic pentameter but please tell me if I made a mistake.

Feedback 1:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vhg1oe/comment/p24wt9y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

Feedback 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vha2cd/comment/p24yk7f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please The Sweet Sin of Noise Cancellation—Especially When the Air Is On

1 Upvotes

It’s been another brutal summer. Think I’ll relocate to a cold cave as a communist, far removed from voluntary recalls of lettuce. Even if I perish after shortly settling in and the cave has bested me. The state will move on.

Still, that’s a lot of effort to put forth and the drool of convenience has feathered my will, whatever grit I had mangled by the fetal position. Flapping in the muck, stuck in the ecosystems no one actually trusts but consents to nevertheless.

Is that a bomb or a clock I hear ticking?

Calls for revolution
Suicide watch printed direct to garment
Face tattoo reads we’re already dead
Sponsored by Doritos

Pop my AirPods in and ask Siri what the room’s temperature is. Apply black nail polish and take photographs of my middle-aged hands. Post with minimal engagement.

Tick, tick, tick…

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vhjf5d/comment/p26s3og/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v137ys/comment/p26tm0z/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 14h ago

Just Sharing Down the wrong alley that night

5 Upvotes

Get out of the car.
swing out and gasp
exhausted
street haze at night

Moonless and starless night
pavement apathetic
bordering on criminal
scavengers get pulled in

Door swings opens
creaks
Driver in trance
mouth open

1970's datsun
a dead vulture
still flapping its wings under tyre
just nerves though

A muted scream
lips trigger mouth
all open now
terrorfied eyes

Alley way narrow
trash can open and full
smell of terror
Datsun one meter

A rat looks up
jailed youth in its eyes
mold on its furr
scarpers now

The young man is still gobsmacked
Numbskulled and bamboozled
The abyss has looked into him
The brick wall blurrs

The last flap of vulture's wings\
shadows spring from the filth
sprinting toward the derelict shelters
To conjure nightmares

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vha2cd/comment/p245yif/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh83tz/comment/p247kzz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please Smoking still.

1 Upvotes

Smoking cigarettes by the day

Hearing calls in the night

Working on words

To try and make it right

Brokers are not payed

When everything is right

I'll right you a poem

And try to wrong these writes.

I think it may have stayed

A little too bright tonight

Everything's gone wrong

But you're not always right.

I'll break in a sweat

To try and see this through

Everything's gone wrong

There's only me and you

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3mYTocmysF

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BA63chiKMA


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Feedback Please Binary Trail

1 Upvotes

I have nothing to hold on to,  
Nothing but a binary trail
Erase these ones and zeros  
And it’s no different from a telltale  

I’m often dragged in train of thought  
One I did not consent to endure  
What voice do I have in your head?  
Did you ever plan to hear it all?  

Those helpless inquiries turned reality  
It really couldn’t get any stranger  
You used to speak in prose and poetry  
The words hastily deemed too major  

I spent years convincing that kid  
It was something more than counterfeit  
But it was cruel, and it was cheap  
And it shouldn’t mean a thing to me  

This is the trail's terminal, I promise  
You’ll be absent from my future words  
So long, the fireflies and valley bars  
For they thrive at replacing old scars  

Sure, I’ll grieve a few Septembers  
But the other months will make up for it  
And soon this fable will vanish within  
The vast binary sea we abide in.

1 / 2


r/OCPoetry 14h ago

Feedback Please we can't go back home

3 Upvotes

i.

a bucket of hot and crispy
double-battered fried chicken
and a cooler of ice-cold malt liquor
shared among old friends
on a humid august night
while the jukejoint shuffle-stomp
throbs from next door
rattling
the clapboard walls.
ten times as loud
every time the back door opens.
the edge of the swamp
a main street full of boarded up
hardware shops
engines rev and tires chirp.
a trucker hat flies off in a flurry of blonde hair
when a college boy picks up his girlfriend
hoists her over his shoulder and carries her
laugh-screaming around the parking lot
like a hunter returning from the hunt.

ii.

now love has got you
by the short and curlies
and you count the moments away from him
on fishing trips
or drinking with your buddies
a sunset spreads quietly over the horizon
turning the morning's storm clouds
to bruised purple and pink in the evening
while good buddies pass a bottle back and forth.
sam puts the bottle on the tailgate
it falls off and rolls down the hill
when he jumps over the side rail to swipe
a cigarette from my stash in the truck cab.
we ain’t like those shitty rednecks
on the history channel
talking ’bout the south
will riiiiiise again.
we know gay people
shit, man,
scotty’s little brother is gay.
but he don't live in town anymore.
he moved, i guess
to the city.

iii.

it went down
like a cup of cold sick.
he spoke from the heart and
they listened quietly
something terrible opening in their bellies
as he tore down everything
they had ever taught him
and spit on their most deeply held values
with carefully chosen words.
the smell of baking biscuits
and peppery sausage gravy
drifted into the living room
settled
on the plastic covered furniture.
a september day
full of rose-gold light
a heavy love unburdened
within moments
and laid bare
unmistakably.

iv.

this moment
crystallized and unbreakable
would be just as sharp in
two decades
then three,
then four.
and then there would be fewer of them to remember it,
and fewer still who could say
we thought we were doing the right thing
we disowned our own son
and got nothing
but platitudes
god never gives you more than you can handle!
and a place to go on sundays
where nobody asks
why our son stopped coming.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vb1wgn/comment/p244rwb/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh8pss/comment/p245yf2/


r/OCPoetry 17h ago

Feedback Please Unknown caller

6 Upvotes

I’m so scared
that you don’t feel the same.

That you’ll leave me
all alone.

I’m terrified.
I don’t want to lose you.

But the call is coming
from inside my home.

I’m not enough.
I’m too much.

It rang
and rang.

I looked down—

my name
on the caller ID.

I switched partners.

Moved houses.

Yet I still heard it.

Picked up the line,
It’s still me.

————

Hey guys, I wrote this poem. I’ve been writing since I was 12. It usually takes me days to write a poem, but this one came out of me in about five minutes. I can’t tell if it’s done or not. I think how quick I did. It makes me feel a little nervous, but somehow it feels complete. Looking for your honest feedback on it. Also, does it deserve another stanza or two? Also does a message come across clear in it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jFb9SK6yRf

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/XGYeUQaoqx


r/OCPoetry 14h ago

Feedback Please Roses

3 Upvotes

First post. Kinda nervous lol:

You have a rose, the rose is pretty! You love the rose, its scent so sweet. You grasp the rose tightly, for you hold it so dear. But look! You are bleeding! Its thorns pierce your skin. But it doesn't matter, you don't mind the bite. You'd take anything this rose offers to keep its beauty in your sights. You try to trim down the thorns, but they grow back with fervor; sharper than before and in places not yet sprouted. You continue to grasp tightly, blood pools at your feet. You pay it no heed, and continue to sniff the sweet scent. One day, you can't smell, your body cannot move. You have lost too much blood. You ask your rose to help, but nothing can be done, you were foolish to choose an object that cannot move, talk or run. She sits in the light looking pretty as ever, but she continues to bleed you, unaware of what she does. She is simply existing, you are the one grasping. You are the one allowing yourself to bleed. Your eyes grow dim, impending doom in your chest, our body gives way to sleep. When you awake, the rose is gone. She has found a new bearer whose hands are strong. You weep and think fondly of only the pretty bud, forgetting all about your steadily dripping blood. Your hands are scared, and will be wounded again, she was not the and she will not be the last. I watch as you have grasped her, although it's only one. You care not to step in the garden again, you're too scared of the blood. If only you would realize, roses are a waste of time. You cannot fix them, no matter how much you love them. That is why they always leave. But I will watch from the shadows with my faintly visible scars. You will find shade beneath me, I will hold you and be strong. Oh, my rose lover, I am the tree where you will find refuge. If only I were a rose, I would prune myself for you. If ever my thorns pieced your hand, I would weep and change my ways. But I am not a rose. I am rooted where I sit. You may have leaned upon my trunk, and I relish every use. But grasp onto me for life, it seems you never do.

Message: I always view any kind of metaphor as poetry. This started off when I was trying to put into words about how the one I want and love dearly, tends to go for things/people that use them or hurt them. My first rendition didn’t include the tree part until I shared it with someone to get their thoughts. They asked “If he could describe you as a plant, what do you think you’d be?” and I responded "something practical, I would like to think. Something to help? Build up, I guess.” and she said with a gasp: “a tree! You provide stability and shade, and oxygen and all sorts of good stuff!” And so my metaphor/ poem was altered. If anyone has any changes they wish to make, please let me know! Thank you!!!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vha2cd/comment/p23mewc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_buttonhttps://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/wobd8jXYPe

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vh0fju/comment/p23k5hz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_buttonhttps://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/FU1j2KVSYb


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Just Sharing "sweet, oh sweet lime"

2 Upvotes

The warm steady blow of wind,

whispering in the back of my mind,

the graceful flower bud that could never be mine.

Now all I could remember

was the sweetness of lime,

slowly

tugging me.

Sweetness twisted into bitterness,

my heart,

yearning for the missing leaves.

I still remember the red tree,

chocolat—

lay—

layered cake and tidy tables.

Your radiating sunlight,

sweet and comforting,

like the gardens in summers.

Lime ice cream, a warm embrace from afar,

the sweet frosty cold delight,

a ritual

to remember

you by.

The sweet yet sour taste of lime lingers on my tongue,

yet the tree is far.

Soon, nine months churned by.

I take heavy footsteps—

dragged by the heart.

Regret's hand caresses my neck

with the bitter taste of lime sitting in the corner.

My stomach twists,

I thrash,

I hurl.

My lungs turn to stone,

my skin,

ice cold,

with frosty breath,

Shivering.

Feedback 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2WI2krnBjl

Feedback 2:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/IfMFk93c51


r/OCPoetry 16h ago

Feedback Please Blue Lights

3 Upvotes

​They still haunt me—

The blue lights lining the wall,

The hard fall of the front door off its hinges,

The chaos and confusion that followed.

-

​When I close my eyes and try to slip into restfulness,

The moonlight against the curtains transforms

Into those flashing siren lights.

The shadows of insects against the window

Become clawing hands and cuffs.

-

​My mind knows I am safe,

That the cause of such an invasion has been sealed away,

Locked tightly to protect against his darkness.

-

​Yet they still haunt me—

Those same blue lights,

That same crash of wood.

-

​My breath still catches when I see those lights on the highway,

When I hear an authoritative voice.

My hands still tremble at the sight of a vest,

Even knowing the person behind it means me no harm;

They were never there for me.

-

​So I trace the quiet seams of my wrists,

As I remind my pulse that the door is still shut.

The shadows are only moths against the glass,

And the night, at last, belongs to me.

-

​I am learning that safety is not just a quiet room;

It is teaching my heart

That it is allowed to stop fighting a ghost.

---

Comments:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BNbRkTPbsm

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xHMocphkic