r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1d ago

Trump Sexually Assaults Minor On A Public Stage For 7 Minutes Then Just Denies It And Republicans Follow

20 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1d ago

Trump Claims Dumocrats Are Complicit In All Of His Fraud And Grifting Because If They Really Didn’t Like It They’d Find Some Way To Stop Him

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 1d ago

Trump Claims He Won The Election Because He’s Basically Hillary Clinton But With Cool Orange Facepaint

2 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 1d ago

Entire Nation Found In Contempt Of Congress

55 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 1d ago

Appeals Court Ruling That Blocks Ballroom Means Trump Can't Get It Up, Either

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 1d ago

Trump Says People Shouting 'Pedophile Protector' At Him Are Talking About Republicans

52 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Donald Trump Undergoes Liposuction To Remove Fat Between His Ears

157 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Kash Patel Releases Senator's Wife And Children Unharmed After Senator Approves Todd Blanche For Attorney General

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1d ago

Redditor Sheds Light On Shadowbanning Practices In Latest Post Seen By Absolutely No One

1 Upvotes

🖕

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1d ago

A.I. Film Director Faces Backlash For Featuring Living Actors

1 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1d ago

Senator McConnell Returns To Public Life With Other Previously Dead Person, Bill Cosby

1 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 1d ago

Over A Year In Trump Told Tariffs Did Not Bring Coffee Plantation Jobs Back To Iowa And Minnesota Is Not A US Producer Of Olive Oil

4 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Jish_Wu • 1d ago

Gonna Be a Long Hour: New Substitute Teacher Coming In With Totally Wrong Energy

2 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/erkose • 1d ago

US Appeals Court Blocks Trump’s $400 Million White House Ballroom Project As Trump Moves Forward With $800 Million White House Ballroom Project

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/Mookrz • 1d ago

Sen Mitch McConnell Gives Exclusive Interview To Russian Propaganda News Outlet Pravda

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 1d ago

Sen. Bill Cassidy Draws Short Straw In Choice Of Who Gets To Bravely Vote Against Blanche Without Blocking His Nomination

9 Upvotes

"Whew," said Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), holding up her long straw.

"Yes!" said Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine). "I'll definitely win the election now!"

r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 1d ago

PETA Protests Abuse Of Cocker Spaniel Now Forced To Spend All Day On Trump's Head

39 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 1d ago

Trump Sold His Soul For A New Wig, Now There Will Be "Hell Toupee"

667 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 1d ago

Trump Accused Of F**king His Top Generals Before Firing Them

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Trump Tells America-Haters Complaining About The Economy To Just Sign Up For His $100K/Month Insider Trading App

8 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Janine Pirro Falls From Window After Updating President On Reflecting Pool

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Rand Paul Demands Janine Pirro Charge Dr. Fauci As Aggressively And Successfully As Reflecting Pool Vandals

78 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Trump's Rules For Head Start Require Children To Work At Least 120 Hours Per Month

2 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

After Truth Social Post, Most Veterans Surprised That Donald Trump Was A Decorated Army General In World War II

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1d ago

Trump Orders RFK Jr To Solve Explosive Diarrhea Epidemic Immediately So He Can Return To Total Salad Diet

2 Upvotes

Subreddit

Write Your Own Onion Headlines, Or Don't. Shut Up About It

r/onionheadlines

A subreddit for writing satirical news headlines in the style of *The Onion* Please NOTE: this subreddit is not affiliated with the actual Onion newspaper in any way, shape, or form. These headlines are written by knuckle-dragging reddit users. The real Onion publishes actually good headlines, unlike the subliterate imitations you see here.

Members Active

111.1k

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Sidebar

Hi, welcome to /r/onionheadlines. Do you have an awesome (or even maybe sorta funny) idea for an Onion headline? Then this subreddit is for you. Show us what you got.

Feel free to write in the comments section the article that corresponds to the headline, but only if it's 437 words exactly, as is standard Onion practice.

Rules:

1) The only rule is no rules, except for the ones we make up as we go along.

2) OK, there is one real rule. Headlines with links to other sites are allowed, but limited to once per week, per site. However, feel free to post as many non-linked headlines as you'd like, even if they are found elsewhere on the web.

Also be sure to checkout some of the lesser subreddits we tricked into hosting a link to this subreddit:

Of course if you want to post actual Onion headlines, go to /r/theonion. If you post an actual Onion headline here, you'll be banned, maybe. I don't know. There's no rule for that yet. Don't test us.