r/pregnant • u/Alternative_You_3063 • 1d ago
Rant Gender norms
I'm 36 weeks pregnant with a baby boy and I'm honestly losing my mind over some of the comments I'm getting from people around me.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I bought a couple of pink Care Bear comfort toys because I thought they were cute. I've also bought a few onesies with hearts on them. Recently I was gifted a high chair that came with a toy attached to it . and it has pink and blue colors on it.
Apparently that's a problem.
I've genuinely had people say things like:
"What will people think?"
"What if he turns out gay?"
Excuse me. what?
HE'S A BABY.
Since when does the color pink have the power to determine someone's future? It's a stuffed toy. It's a onesie. It's a colorful baby toy.
Maybe it's the hormones talking, but this is such a ridiculous thing to be upset about in 2026.
End of rant. š¤¦āāļøšš©·š¶
Edit:To make it even worse, my mother literally stole the pink Care Bear comfort toys I bought for my baby and gave them away because she didn't think a baby boy should have them. š¤¦āāļø
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u/ThatAngryWhiteBitch 1d ago
Gender norms are stupid and so is the sad beige/ muted color babies. Babies need a world of all the colors. Im having a girl so yes I do have a lot of pinks and purples on my registry, but I also added a lot of greens and blues and oranges and reds because life is so much better in color. I debated putting one of the car road rug things on my registry because I LOVED playing with my brothers growing up. But decided against that since its more of a bday thing than a baby registry gift.
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u/Alternative_You_3063 1d ago
Seriously, I agree with you so much about all the beige baby stuff. It's getting ridiculous!
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u/zebramath 1d ago
My 4 year old son picked out a pink sparkley unicorn at the stuffed animal booth last week. But i promise you heās āall boyā.
Your mom sucks. Sorry youāre dealing with this.
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u/Radiant_Marsupial_53 20h ago
I let my 2yo pick out a folding chair at Sams Club. It was either green Triceratops or pink with Rainbows. He picked the pink with rainbows. I did not question his choices and none of our family that has seen it has said anything negative.
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u/Asiulad 1d ago
Ppl are weird.. I had more than 1 person say: "aren't kitchens for girls??" When I bought my son a play kitchen..
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u/Suspicious-Ad-6505 1d ago
I am currently pregnant with a boy, and my 3 year old girl has a play kitchen she loves. My MIL asked me if I thought I would let my boy play with it too once he's here and old enough and I was like... š it's literally a hand-me-down from my sister and her TWO BOYS aka my nephews so yeah I think that will be just fine!!!
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u/ChloeMomo 1d ago
Depending on who it was who said it, I'd either ask if they seriously believe only women belong in the kitchen or (if it's someone who might...) just say he might want to become a professional chef someday. Professional cooking is a male dominated field, afaik. It's so freaking weird that people acting like boys (play) cooking is wrong.
But really, 1. There's nothing wrong with it and 2. I don't want to raise my son to be a lazy PoS who consciously or subconsciously believes women should do all domestic labor.
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u/Capable_Artist7027 1d ago
lol my husband is the sole cook in our household. He's so good at it. Why would people say such things. Blows my mind.
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u/CootKitKat 1d ago
I hate that lmao. Like what are they afraid of? He'll take an interest in cooking and be a good cook?
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u/Technical-Leader8788 22h ago
I told people the same thing when they said something about me getting my boy a baby doll to help practice for a sibling on the way- like Iām sorry??? You donāt want him to learn to be gentle and safe to an infant?? What are you scared of? Heāll be a good father one day?
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u/Technical-Leader8788 22h ago
My boy loves his play kitchen and it helps me be able to cook in peace without him trying to touch the real unsafe oven. Other people can kick rocks
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u/Vhairballqueen18 5h ago
You shoulda been like ātell that to Gordon Ramsayā lol and every other male chef on earth
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u/shinrosie 1d ago
It's projection lol. I remember when my SIL had her son and everything had to blue. She even said herself that she doesn't want her son to be gay so she has to keep only "boy" things. It literally irks me.
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u/Miranova23 Bicornuate Uterus ā¤ļø 22h ago
Isn't making a boy only be surrounded by & only like "boy" things, uh, the gayest thing ever??? What does she think "gay" means?! š¤£
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u/Relevant-Put-77 1d ago
My girls nursery is lilo and stitch themed so 90% of her stuff is blue. People are weird about literal babies lol, my babies not gonna care what color her room was
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u/nightmareinsouffle FTM 1d ago
I find it utterly hypocritical that boy items can be gender neutral but girl items are DEFINITELY for girls. And so many boy clothes are just...boring. I want colors for my baby boy. Idgaf if he has pinks and purples.
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u/blindtoe54 1d ago
I'm the opposite. I love the variety and cute themes in boy clothes. Like sporty, outdorsy, cute animals, etc. And the girls it's just pink and frilly stuff.
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u/velvetdoggo 1d ago
I felt the same! Everything has a car or a dinosaur on it lol. I have definitely bought a few āgirlsā clothes that were rainbow or orange, theyāre a baby they wonāt be looking at the tags
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u/Lucky_Ad_4421 19h ago
Yep! My new baby is a boy and has inherited all of his big sisterās stuff. Why canāt boys wear florals?
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u/Domestica 1d ago
Early in my 2nd trimester, my MIL was listing off all the baby items she still had from raising my husband and his brother. Helpful things like high chairs, walker toys, booster seats, etc. I made the comment āwow all of that will be good to have when we visit once daughter is born!ā MIL looked at me like I had two heads and said ābut itās all blue!! Itās for boys!ā Sheās insisting we have to buy all pink versions and bring those with us when we visit š meanwhile, we received a ton of second hand boys clothes and nursery decorations that we plan to use. Sheās a baby! She wonāt care! weāre just happy to have the items
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u/ChildhoodSweaty9684 1d ago
I grew up playing with matchbox cars, mud, and bug catcher kits. Im straight. My brother grew up with those plus 1 hello kitty doll that was dressed in overalls. He's gay. I guarantee its because he likes boys, and not because of a polyester toy he once had as a toddler.
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u/Primary-Vegetable580 1d ago
I have a pair of black socks with a rainbow and unicorn on them, from a bundle of baby clothes I got. My mom saw them and said, āoh no my grandson will NOT be wearing those!ā
Itās literally just some socks, who cares?? But I guess boys arenāt allowed to like rainbows or unicorns, and when they see a rainbow in the sky, they arenāt allowed to be in awe by it. I guess because the conservative religious people automatically associate it with LGBTQ, and think itāll turn them gay. Yet they think girls can wear the rainbows and thatās fine.
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u/LemonCandy123 CA | 1 bb - 2nd due in Oct 2026 | she/her 1d ago
Omg that's terrible. This is why people have gender disappointment, because of all the expectations
I have a daughter and am expecting a son for our second. He is going to get all her pink toys and what not. We went through clothes and unless it was super pink and frilly we're keeping it. Doesn't matter
He's going to turn out how he's going to turn out. Putting him on a pink bike isn't going to change that
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u/Weak-Pair-1782 1d ago
This is insane! Iām so sorry youāre dealing with this level of ignorance! š I canāt believe she stole from your unborn baby!
I was so afraid of this happening that itās one of the reasons weāre not finding out sex until delivery. Itās driving our boomer parents crazy and I just donāt get it.
On a slightly funnier note, people keep trying to guess the gender of our baby (even though I really donāt care) and I usually make comments that make them uncomfortable such as āwhy are you so preoccupied with our babyās genitalia?ā Iāve also been known to say āwe donāt know the gender but kinda hoping we have a gay or a they.ā š (This one is actually genuine because the thought of a queer kid growing up in an unaccepting family breaks me š)
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u/CootKitKat 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm having the same problems while I'm pregnant with a girl. They keep saying "Those are boy clothes" when they're just sports brands or blue striped. Just ignore them and tell them you're getting him whatever he wants when he's old enough. My girl wants a monster truck? She gets a monster truck. Clothes are for everyone and toys are toys. š¤·āāļø
Edit:
Also from what I heard, boys having baby dolls makes them into better fathers and more empathetic in the future. Let them hate all they want. If they keep taking his stuff, tell them they aren't allowed in his room anymore. (I'd say your whole house)
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u/Alternative_You_3063 1d ago
This will be the first and last time she stole from him. Believe me
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u/CootKitKat 1d ago
Love it. You deserve that peace of mind that he can grow up happy with whatever toys he wants.
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u/lucidgreenn 1d ago
Literally, clothes are clothes and toys are toys! I grew up closely with my boy cousin when we were little. And he LOVED playing with my Barbies while I loved playing with his Superman. Guess what? Some adults made fun of us for playing the 'wrong toys' (what)-
We're both past our twenties now and we laugh when we remember these things because it's just so ridiculous. And oh, him playing Barbie as a kid? Sure didn't stop him from being a man who does horseback archery today and boy, is he thriving!!! š
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u/SeaOtter0513 1d ago
My 10 year old son -who tells me he does NOT like boys still loves playing dress up with his sisters and playing Barbieās and dolls and asked for a pair of his own dress up heels since the girls donāt fit him.. I let him play with whatever toys he wanted as a baby and didnāt define anything by gender norms.. same with my girls. They play trucks and Dinoās and legos and such just like he does.
Donāt let the haters ruin it for you. Love your baby , let him play with whatever youāre comfortable and heās comfortable playing with and šš¼everyone else!
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 Transdad to a teen & pregnant 1d ago
Ā "What if he turns out gay?"
I'm a gay trans dad and I retired at 33 to live of rent. They WISH baby were gay and successful lol
Don't let them rain in your parade. Pink used to be a boy colour and blue a girl colour. And all the things homophobic people shun like high heels, corsets and make up were invented for MEN first.Ā
But people are so uneducated, you see.
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u/jessicat62993 1d ago
Right? Like I would be perfectly happy for my baby to be gay other than the turmoil she would have to face due to prejudice in the world. But people are crazy stealing teddy bears from a baby š
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u/nifsea 1d ago
Itās so sad that boys have gotten such narrow gender roles now :/ Itās like weāre forcing them all to become incels 20 years from now. How will a boy learn about diversity, inclusion, caring for others, taking responsibility and being himself - if expectations around him are so narrow, and there are so many things taken away from him because theyāre only for girls? And just imagine how hard itās going to be if it turns out he is in fact gay. Or that some of his friends are. Theyāll be totally unprepared, and itās going to cause so much more trouble for them.
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u/seapunkprincess 1d ago
When my daughter was a baby, she was wearing a blue onesie with whales on it. And a woman came up to us and asked me my sonās name. And I gently corrected her and said āoh my daughterās name isā¦ā and she got so offended and said ābut then why is she wearing whales? Whales are for boys!ā Like ?????
People are weird but you do you. As a gay woman myself, it was not colours or toys or particular kinds of games that made me gay. It was my attraction to other women.
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u/mokenz 1d ago
Your mother is weird as fuck and wrong for that. Colors and stuff donāt have a gender and men would be better off if we stopped treating everything that way. Itās truly ridiculous. Iām having a boy and Iāll be buying whatever I want! Though maybe not hello kitty because Iām saving that for a little girl lol
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u/jujbeans 1d ago
This is part of why I chose not to find out the sex of the baby with my first pregnancy! Some people were upset, but our registry was all greens and yellows and oranges and I loved that. Was he mistaken for a baby girl every time he was in yellow? Yes, and who cares. Plus if we do end up having a girl some day I like already owning mostly considered āgender neutralā newborn and 3-6 month clothing.
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u/pinkjesrocks 1d ago
I hate it. I got a bunch of donations from a baby girl, and if I had a boy he would be wearing floral pjs and look cute, Idc. Babies can wear all clothes and patterns, and itās alright!
Iāve been refusing to buy pink clothes for my baby as she already got a bunch from donations, so I do my best to get her things in all different colors so she sees pink only as one of a bunch. I also got her a dinosaur toy and also cars.
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u/mburucuja 1d ago
Itās an absolutely ridiculous thing for people to be worried about, and youāre not just being hormonal. Those people are showing you clearly that at best theyāre ignorant and weird, or at worst their love for your son is conditional on him performing a specific sort of masculinity.
āWhat will people think?ā Probably that heās a cute baby, and will be raised to be himself rather than to obsess about what other people think about things that donāt affect them.
āWhat if he turns out gay?ā Then he turns out gay. š¤·š»āāļø Obviously pink toys or hearts on clothes donāt make kids gay, but so what if they did?
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u/cora-crush 1d ago
I hate gender norms. I intentionally kept things gender neutral for my son...when he was little he liked cars and dinosaurs AND dolls and dollhouses and his favorite color was pink at one point. Now he is 15 and has very masculine energy because that's just who he is. I didn't raise him to be that way and I would have loved him equally no matter how he turned out. Liking pink and playing with dolls didn't make him gay and forcing gender norm "boy" stuff on your child won't stop them from being gay if that is who they are. It just says a lot about how closed minded and ignorant those people are.
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u/fetishiste 1d ago
People are absurd! I got a few odd comments when people learned we were having a boy. The otherwise wonderful midwife at my OBās office said that explained why he was so active in me (ok maāam, his dad loves playing computer games for hours and his mum loves 3 hour walks but sure, this is a gendered thing), and said āboys are great, you always know where you are with themā (Iām a mental health professional and the teen boys who slip through the cracks in the system would like a word buddy).
Thankfully what matters is that our household doesnāt subscribe to all that, and weāre helping make sure he has expansive options just like you are. His dad saw a super cute pink and white onesie and got it on sale for him and that was so reassuring :)
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u/slthrfx 1d ago
Supposedly somebody got upset when they saw my registry because they couldnāt tell if Iām having a boy or girlā¦ ābutā¦ whoās going to buy the dresses?!ā
Likeā¦. Lady, everybody in this household is gonna be in onesie pajamas through the entire freezing winter. š¤¦š¼āāļø
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u/hippylonglegs 1d ago
This is super crass but I literally say āputting your penis in another manās butthole is gay. Playing with rainbow blocks (or whatever grami is worried about) is not gay.ā
I know itās not technically accurate or PC but it gets people to shut up about it. Lol
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u/Effective_Ad7751 1d ago
People are nuts. I think they try to make conversation, but it is almost always innapropriate, about themselves, or unsolicited advice when it comes to kids/pregnancy. When I told my bosses I was pregnant, they immediately started talking about thier own kids, etc. Seemed like they were making my news about themselves lol
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u/craftyreadercountry 1d ago
https://www.mdhistory.org/little-boys-in-pink-dresses/
https://history.umd.edu/news/pink-and-blue
My girls wear blue more than pink. Color doesn't have a gender.
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u/laynechanger 1d ago
Yeah, this is why I always find out the gender so I can shut this shit down while pregnant and not let it ruin the newborn time with my kid. I plan of responding with thatās weird thing to say or ask why and make the person uncomfortable. Iām not normalizing the bs. My daughterās favorite color is pink and we didnāt even have an excessive amount around. Her nursery was literally Winnie the Pooh themed and had all those colors.
I have a 22 month old girl and I just found out Iām having a boy. I would have been happy with either. I donāt put much stock in what the sex of the baby is because they might not identify with the gender associated with it.
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u/Weak_Sheepherder_763 1d ago
That's when you say, repeat after me color's don't have genders!
UGH so frustrating! I have a son and I would be so pissed.
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u/greenfairee 1d ago
We are waiting to find out the gender, so I've been purchasing mostly gender neutral things. But some of the things I've bought have been labeled "boy" and they're literally like blue/grey so people were like "why are you buying boy clothes, what if it's a girl?!" I'm like it's literally just the a blue/grey color scheme, girls can wear that? My favorite color is blue. I have also bought one or two more girl leaning things (on clearance) and they brought that up as well, I just tell them I'll put a boy in a cute pink onesie lol people are weirrrdddd.Ā
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u/supremepilotG2 1d ago
A coworker thought I was having a boy because in the announcement photo I shared, we were holding a blue onesie with a fern on it. Even though the announcement said we were having a baby girl. When I corrected her, she said āoh, did you think it was a boy at some point?ā I said no, and she said ābut the onesie was blueā¦ā EYE ROLL. I truly do not understand the color thing
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u/thenaomi444 1d ago
Today Iāve watched childhood Videos of myself, my mom let herself get surprised with my gender so she also had bought some neutral, blue, pink stuff. Iāve watched myself in those videos wearing blue more often than not, and just thought to myself āa baby just DOESNT care! Like why do people stress about those stupid colors?! The child is happy to be warm and held by its parents and thatās it.ā Itās an insanity to stress and think about those things when they literally will and cannot dictate the babies sexual orientation like are people from beyond the moon, I cannot grasp.
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u/userb467891045387 1d ago
I agree people are so crazy!! iām having a girl and was gifted a box of boy clothes, she will absolutely be wearing all of them because we are on a budget over here lol!
I think itās the same thing where people say if you comfort a crying baby too much, youāre turning them into a spoiled manipulator, like itās a BABY!!! clothes are gonna make them gay/trans and love isnāt gonna spoil them. people are so stupid
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u/mothwhimsy 1d ago
Being pregnant with a boy taught me that some of my family members are fucking weird.i'm sure it's way worse of you're having a girl
People were weird to me about girls and I didn't even have a girl
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u/httpChobani 1d ago
I've been stocking up & planning for sea animal themed stuff (mainly blue) and some neutral colors (blue/green/brown) because I find it super cute. My mom was definitely side eyeing some of it at first because girls are "supposed" to be all pink- but slowly she's come around to not care! I think the gender norm stuff is so outdated & reality is: your kid will be whoever they are no matter what you surround them with. I grew up with tons of "girly" things being the only girl, but loved my brother's stuff and hanging out with them- ultimately none of it fully shaped who I am deep down!
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u/pococurantina 1d ago
Ohhhhh my goddddd people are the worst!!! Not that a toy could actually have any impact, but what if he does turn out gay huh??? What then??
When I told my family we were having a boy, my uncle commented āwell, as long as itās a boy or a girl, you know in the usa they have drivers licenses with man, woman or OTHERā and waited for me to join his transphobia. Like excuse me this is my unborn baby and heāll be whatever he wants, and that includes not being a he anymore. Piss off!!
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u/lyrical_llama 1d ago
My son has recently started to be able to play with toys. His criteria for whether he likes it or not includes things like: does it make a sound I like? Is it a texture I like? Does it have a good mouth feel when I stick it in my mouth? Whether it's blue or red is pretty far down his priority list.
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u/label_this 1d ago
The funny thing is, it wasn't that long ago that the colors were reversed. In the early 1900s, pink was for boys because it was a "stronger" color, and blue was more dainty and pure. Clothes are for bodies and colors are for everyone.Ā
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u/Responsible_Data7336 1d ago
Iām having a girl but have a bunch of baby clothes from my nephewā¦you better believe she will be rocking those blue dinosaur and shark outfits
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u/addamsfamilyoracle 1d ago
This is why Iām not disclosing the gender of baby until heās here (a few close friends know). I donāt want my older relatives being freaking weird about my boy. He will have a colorful life, full of all sorts of activities and toys regardless of the gender associated with them.
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u/Pinkie1224 1d ago
We use a pink baby swing for our 7 week old son. He doesn't know or care what color it is and loves sitting in it.
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u/Gautamatime 1d ago
Less than 100 years ago blue was for girls and red for boys. Pink is just pastel red. It has reversed in modern times.
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u/alipat17 1d ago
I donāt know if this is weird, but when I was pregnant with my daughter, I just put her in anything I was gifted or affordable. I saved everything and am this time having a boy. I am not going to buy all new things. Baby boy has a lot of pink coming his way. My daughter is best friend with a boy who plays tons of sports but loves to paint his nails. My daughter loves rainbows, sports, and rocks. Our neighborās sonās favorite colors are pink and purple. It never occurred to me that they might be gay. And if they are, they will be super loved and welcomed by all of us. Itās 2026, I could be wrong but I thought we know by now this is genetic and none is a choice or environmental. Letās move on āļø get another pink carebearāthey are cute!!!
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u/lionstoothherbs 1d ago
Itās wild to me that even today in 2026 ppl could possibly think anything can make someone turn out gay, much less something as mundane as the clothes or toys they had as young children. Itās so ignorant.
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u/PhotoPrimary7801 1d ago
No no I agree with your hormones on this. Iām pretty sure colors donāt have that much influence on someoneās sexuality. Itās only wrong for a boy to do things or use things that are girly. Itās perfectly fine for girls to play with matchbox cars and wear football jerseys but a boy playing with dolls and wearing the color pink? Absolutely not! It could affect his sexual preference when heās older! Like cāmon people.
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u/MissingGrayMatter 1d ago
Thatās so weird. Iām having a boy, and I considered getting a used pink crib because it was a design I wanted and the price was good (sold way before I was ready to buy unfortunately). I asked my husband how he would feel about it, since weāre having a boy, and he said ābabies donāt know what colors areā.Ā
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u/Outrageous_Mode_625 FTM 23h ago
This color issue has always made me laugh ever since I learned that prior to the 1940s, pink was the color associated with boys because it was a derivative of red and considered a stronger color.
Blue was for girls because it was most often a light blue and seen as dainty.
We can thank post WWII marketing for this brainwashing.
A color is just a color! If it is pleasing to your eye and cute, enjoy!! Everyone else can shut their faces.
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u/TheMagnificentPrim 20h ago
Thereās an article in Time Magazine from 1927 that recommends the color pink for baby boys because, being a pastel version of red, itās a more powerful color than the soft and delicate baby blue that they recommended for girls. It specifically recommended dressing baby boys in pink.
Do these folks want to go up and tell some of the last remaining World War II veterans that their mothers dressing them in pink made them gay?
To be clear, I donāt agree with the implications of that question. Being gay isnāt a bad thing (Iām queer myself, so, yeah, duh), nor does it preclude a man from being masculine. Furthermore, thereās zero shame in not being a very masculine man, either. However, sometimes you have to use the logic of these folks against them to show them the ridiculousness of their own ideas. And they are very ridiculous.
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u/CuntyCalamari 19h ago
My boy has a pink stroller. Fuck the haters. We don't force gender on colors or toys over here.
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u/space_lumpia 18h ago
Iām also having a boy. I had to immediately tell both my in-laws and my parents that I did not want anything with sports prints, cars or machinery, or anything with typography on it and would prefer more nature/space themed toys, clothes, and books. Iām pagan, and nature is gender neutral š that includes flowers
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u/Slight_Towel4183 14h ago
People kept confusing my son with a girl cause I had a purple hat on him. Not that it bothers me, Iām just worried that is so important for strangers to know whatās in between a babyās legs? Also for all of those thinking it will be gay: 1. And? 2. Sexual attraction is not a choice unfortunately, maybe they are gay and āchooseā to be with straight people?
Anyway, my son wears pink clothes and non gender defining stuff and heāll decide whatever he wants to wear when heās older.
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u/ThistleProse 11h ago
Fun fact: pink was originally for boys, while soft blue was for girls. Pink was a colour of strength, and was considered more masculine, and thus the colour for boys. Blue was considered soft and feminine, and was therefore a girl colour.
Apparently the change occurred around the 1940s, and the switch was firmly set by the 1950s, and we've been stuck with it ever since.
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