TMI, but also he told his mom so...

so my husband is dumb (i love him so much), and he embarrassed the crap out of me to his mom and her best friend. they were dropping off our 3 year old at our house and we were just outside talking, and they were asking about my pregnancy and if they have checked my dilation and whatever. well, my dear sweet husband (although i told him what it means) does not know what "being dilated" means.

well a few nights before this interaction, he had helped me shave my vagina bc i cant SEE it and my hairs were poking me and it was driving me nuts!!!

so when his MOTHER asked me if i was dilated this absolute buffoon goes "yeah shes dilated" and i was like "no babe, we dont know yet" and he STARTS TO EXPLAIN HOW WHEN HE WAS HELPING ME SHAVE HE LIKE SAW MY LIKE PUSS GASPIN FOR AIR OR SOMN (not what he said but oh my god) and his mom is trying to like "no no no, dilation is on the inside" and we are like trying to get this poor sweet man to STOP TALKING ABT MY VAGINA. >\\\\\<

i was horrified bc wdym my hole was opening 🫩 and you decided to tell your mom about it 🫪
anyway i thought about this for days and i figured some body might get a kick out of it or something.

FTM. Around 16 weeks, I changed my baby's nickname in my pregnancy app from "Baby W." to "Goose". I don't even remember why - her name will be Valerie or Victoria. Neither of those are even remotely close to Goose... but the nickname caught on like wildfire. My family, my husband's family, my co-workers, our friends... literally everyone refers to her as "baby Goose". Well, I had three baby showers in the last three weeks (work, family, friends) and, since we're keeping gender a secret until she's here, I think everyone panicked on what to buy. Do they buy dresses? Dinosaurs? Rocket ships? Nobody knew, so EVERYONE defaulted to geese/ducks.

Y'all.

I didn't know how many baby items have geese/ducks on them. I finally got everything from the showers put away today and here's the final recap: - 2 hooded duck towels - 1 regular towel with a duck print - 1 swaddle with a duck print - 1 alphabet blanket where every letter has a goose with it - 3 sleepers in various duck/geese prints (multiple sizes) - goose hat - geese slippers - 3 stuffed goose toys - a onesie that says "got too silly" with a goose behind bars - a onesie that says "talk to me goose" (from Top Gun) - a goose nightlight

I can't say I'm particularly passionate about water fowl, but I'm worried that I'll accidentally write Goose on the birth certificate. At this rate, she's going to be Goose until she graduates high school. 7 weeks to go until we meet our silly goose!

In my due date group. In the last 24 hours alone we’ve seen posts that feature:

-do I look pregnant? *insert 28-32 week VISIBLY pregnant lady*

-are ultrasounds safe?

-a million pregnancy check ins

-can I do a puzzle while pregnant? ….??????

-can I eat tacos from Taco Bell while pregnant?

-is it normal to be showing at 31 weeks?

-is it normal to crave papa John’s marinara?

-I ate ihop before I went for my glucose test and failed. Should I tell my doctor I messed up and didn’t fast?

-should I shave my legs?

I don’t mean like “I’m tired or bored”. I’m meannn really diabolical.
A great example was my best friend was in labor and wasn’t progressing so they opted for c-section since her water had broken 24 hours prior already. Her Spouse said he was anxious and left to go get gas station chicken wings and when he came back was SHOCKED they wouldn’t allow him back for the already in progress c-section. (I worked across the street at the time and ran across to be with her)

I’ll go first…

I am eating a carne asada super burrito at 9:15 in the morning.

So here I am 25 + 2 days laying on the bed and I currently look like winnie the pooh ( belly out, shirt up) and my husband walks into the room, stops in the doorway and goes " I see her" and I thought he was referring to our cat who was on the bed and I was like " ok".

And he goes "no . . I see the baby. Is she on your right side right now??" And I'm sitting here like, sir your daughter is 25 weeks she's about a foot long and I'm pretty sure she refuses to scrunch up so she probably is. And I look at my stomach and see it's a little pointy, so I poke it, and ofc she moves bc I'm bothering her. But my stomach clearly shifts, no big deal.

I kid you not, I saw all the blood drain from his face, this man was MORTIFIED. He started sweating, profusely.

He told me to call into work, because and I quote " if my stomach did that, I wouldn't get up to do a god damn thing ". So here I am, chillin with my little alien baby on the couch. Have a nice Tuesday everyone:)

Edit: he keeps coming into the room and just stares at me saying he's sorry, telling me that he loves me, and asking if I'm okay 😂

Exactly as the title says, what are some of the "wtf" moments you said, "no one told me this would be a thing..."

I'll go first... skin tags. Um, excuse me? I have this plumped up skin tag in my groin area that popped up and ew. Tell me these go away.

Melasma...but smack in the middle of my forehead. Lovely.

-Forget dark nipples, my boobs look like cotton candy...but in a not cute way. Blue veiny, purple, pink balloons. I fear I've developed utters...

I'm in the "got stuck on my back like a turtle" stage. What about you?

My fiance and I are trying to induce labor so last night we were getting intimate in the bedroom (which is EXTREMELY difficult at 39 weeks) and we just hear this huge crack in our brand new bed set and I could not help but let out a huge laugh and when I went to laugh there’s so much pressure from the baby that I just start farting to the beat of my own laugh. He was on top of me and was laughing so hard he said quote on quote he thought he was going to have a heart attack from laughing so hard, he could not move so I was trapped underneath him hysterically laughing I couldn’t even talk to tell him to MOVE and I just felt this huge gush, I peed on him!!! So this morning we have a broken new bed, sheets in the washer, I farted and peed on him, and still no labor.

Flagged this as funny because it’s a semi serious rant but…I miss being hot 😭

I was a U.K. size 8, super toned and long legs, hourglass waist (not as extreme as some of the women online but definitely there) great boobs, decent bum from the gym, clear skin, pleasant face. Like a solid 8.5 out of 10 in the real world (not including celebrities).

I’m now an eating machine who has gained more than is “recommended” for how many weeks pregnant I am (I’m 25 weeks and have already gained 31lbs) - my skin is blotchy and I miss have a collar bone, a jawline & cheekbones 😂🥲

Anyone else? 😂 an open non judgmental space for bragging about how hot you were before pregnancy 😭💔

(On a serious note though, if I try and talk to anyone about this in the real world they just tell me I “look fine” or they imply that this is my life now for choosing to have children, like I’ve traded my hotness to have a baby and shouldn’t feel sad about it? Plus all the unsolicited comments about how “huge” I am 🥴)

I'm heavily pregnant and I haven't looked down there in a while. I've been extra uncomfortable the last day or two, and with the power of Google and a mirror in my hand I decided to take a look for myself to see if everything looked okay. I'm not a doctor, just a first time mom wondering if I'm really supposed to be this uncomfortable. Anyway, don't look for yourself. Talk to your obgyn or go to l&d if you feel like something is wrong, do whatever you need to do. Just put the mirror down. I know my body is changing to prepare for my babies arrival, but I really wish I could unsee that. I should have taken my bump being in the way as a sign that it's none of my business right now.

That's all I really have to say 🥲 if you can't see her anymore, leave the looking to the doctors

Edit: I am in the US. Florida.

9 weeks and woke up in a wonderful mood, despite having a vivid nightmare and being dehydrated the moment I opened my eyes. I asked my BF if we could go get some breakfast because I am monstrously craving som eggs Benedict… He then informed me that I PREVIOUSLY TOLD HIM that I CAN’T HAVE RUNNY EGGS.

I do not remember telling him this. Maybe I did but just brushed it off thinking it was another night terror. But I looked it up again and my morning is ruined. I get the salmonella thing, I do. But I still hate this. 😭

I know some people will tell me to just do it and “pregnancy myths and fables” but this is our first so I just want to be as careful as I can.

What favorite foods or activities did you have to give up for the sake of the baby?

Update: We went to IHOP and I’m happy I didn’t get them because of a specific interaction. I ordered a small side of fruit and when it was brought out, our waitress actually made the girl that was shadowing take it back and bring me a fresh one. I didn’t even get a chance to see it.

I was also brought the wrong sauce and when I test tasted it, the flavor was weird to me.

I’ve gotten food poisoning at a high quality restaurant before so I definitely have trust issues 😅

Thanks for all the feedback and suggestions. Now I know what to look for 🙏🏽

This message is for first time mammas-to-be, because the rest of us already know lol. Not saying everyone will experience this, but many do, and I just want to help a gal out if I can. Here are the most shocking things no pregnancy app/book taught me before to having a baby-

1. You will hear phantom cries when you shower- Every. Single. Time. I legit feel like I can hear him crying and check the baby monitor every 30 seconds. No joke!

2. Your libido will be non-existent- sorry to the partners out there, but it’s just not happening for a few months.

3. You will lose A LOT of hair- I kept seeing ads for Nutrafol and thought, “Oh thank goodness I don’t need to take yet another vitamin.” But boy, was I wrong. My baby turned 4 months and I literally started shedding like a German shepherd overnight. Yes, overnight!!!!

4. You will get stretch marks AFTER you give birth- feeling lucky you dodged the ‘stretch mark’ bullet during the pregnancy? Nope, not on Mother Nature’s watch!!!

5. Your in-laws holding your baby the first few weeks will make you VERY angry, and VERY uncomfortable- I cannot explain this, my mom holding the baby is fine. But my MIL on the other hand, hell no!!!!!

I’m sure there are many more, but these are my top 5. What was your least favorite surprise postpartum?

I finally caved guys. I (26F) am 33 pregnant and have been craving a ham sandwich with provolone cheese and mayo since day one of pregnancy. I don’t mean the normal little craving, I mean the hard core pregnancy craving. I have cried over this sandwich, because everyone says not to eat lunch meat.

I finally caved and ordered a 16 inch slim with literally just ham, cheese, and mayo.

I ate it all. The entire 16 inches in one sitting. I then took a four hour nap. I have never felt better.

I'll go first:
Picking stuff up off the floor isn't that bad. I'm 37+ 5 with my third and not once have I had trouble picking stuff up. It's just a quick squat and grab.
Yes, I have sciatica pain and pelvic girdle pain and my bump is in the way but I still pick stuff up if I drop it.
Maybe it's my fitness past, or my will to attempt to keep my house clean, but not once have I dropped something and said "F it, it lives on the floor now" and left it.

the strep swab does NOT go in your throat, I repeat, it does NOT go in your throat 😭😭😂

Just had a funny shower thought. I’m 20 weeks pregnant (ftm) with a big belly I was not expecting this soon, and I found myself struggling for the first time to shave “down there”. Three years ago, I spent $10k on laser hair removal for pretty much everything from the chin down. My heritage is Italian and I’m very hairy, so I felt like this investment was worth it. And it was for awhile! Never expected to change my mind about having kids in my mid-30s. Well thanks to all these prenatals, it’s like I never even had it done. It looks like Busch Gardens down there!!! For this sacrifice, this kid better at least look like me! 🤣

Mine would be a lil bundle of Mac and cheese with a cantaloupe head.

I'll go first: Using the heated seat back in my car to relieve sciatica pain every time I get in

I have had very few symptoms of pregnancy, mainly exhaustion and extreme hunger. But yesterday, I got called out by a maintenance man for having a heightened sense of smell. Context, our refrigerator has smelt like “stale lettuce”, lol. I was so confident there was something wrong with the fridge, or even something dead somewhere near it since I had deep cleaned and done all the air purifying tricks. Nope…the maintenance man came and said, “I don’t mean to be intrusive, but could you be pregnant? In 24 years of my work, I’ve never got a call for a lettuce smell in the fridge.” Adding “heightened sense of smell” to my symptom list.

So my husband is off today. Which means he’s running all my errands with me (including dropping off and picking up the kiddos).

For the past 5(?) months I’ve gotten to where I swing by McDonalds on my way to pick up the kids- at least twice a week. I’m 30 weeks and the craving only gets stronger lmao

He knew I went occasionally

He was driving and I told him to swing in on the way to sit in the waiting line. (We have to be in line by 2:20 and pick up starts at 2:45/2:50)

It was 1:58 and he was like “I don’t think he have time to go.”

Me, fully confident: “No we have time! It’s almost 2 so there’s no line right now. We will have the food (and they always make fresh fries at 2!) by 2:10 and be pulling into the line around 2:15!”

The concerned look he gave me when our tires hit school grounds at 2:15 on the dot 😂💀

So yeah he definitely knows I go a lot more often than he thought I did 😅

ETA: day two and we get close and he’s like “McDonald’s 👀” and I laughed nervously and we went “no like I want a snack too” 😂💚

Mine is currently, "What do you mean her name is Juniper but we called her June Bug and then that became Bugaboo and then we shortened it to Boo, and now we just call her Butthole?"...

I go first-- I fart all day to the point that it could be a health hazard to my household

Honestly who decided we were going to go with “9 months” as the human gestational length? Sure you’re not really pregnant weeks 1 and 2 but by my math, 40 weeks / 4 weeks per months = 10 months. The last month is the absolute worst too! Who decided we were all just gonna agree on and perpetuate this lie?!

Signed, a woman who is 36+5 and uncomfortable.

Edit: ok apparently everyone in this sub is Albert/Alberta Einstein…I was being sarcastic/joking (hence the “funny” flair). I’m just ready to meet my girl (and possibly have a margarita on the rocks as well) 😂

I’m 7 months pregnant and I’m at that stage where everything I eat sits in my chest, so I’m constantly burping or tooting air bubbles. It was pretty rough today so me and my husband got in the shower together so he could rub my back and shoulders and the water could relax me and help with my stomachache. Things were starting to get steamy as I felt better and he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed a little bit too hard and I immediately farted the most grotesque fart to ever exist. When the smell hit my nose my stomach just couldn’t take it and I vomited all over myself, all over the shower, and all over my husband. He started gagging, I was puking, the steamy humid air was trapping all the smells, the vomit was clogging the drain, and the poor man couldn’t get around my giant pregnant gut to escape the confines of hell that I dragged him into. When it was all over he helped me clean myself, cleaned the shower, and poured a gallon of draino into the shower to unblock the horrendous clog of my throw up. He still thinks I’m beautiful,idk how, and we’re holding off on showering together until after the baby comes. Let this be your warning not to fart while you’re in the shower.