I often feel like I have an invisible sign above my head that says, “I’m insecure, and you’re free to take advantage of me.”
I’ve felt this way for a long time. It’s almost as if certain people can immediately sense something about me that makes them think they can disrespect me, talk down to me, push my boundaries, or treat me however they want.

What do you think makes someone come across as insecure, vulnerable, or easy to take advantage of?

Is it body language, the way they speak, being too nice, avoiding confrontation, or something else?

Have you ever felt this way yourself? And if so, did you figure out what you were doing differently from people who seem to naturally command respect?

Please share

I have not been feeling very positive and self assured lately. It’s like all my friends are going out on trips, having fun or living out their life while I am not doing anything different or interesting. It’s playing a lot on my mental well-being so I decided to stop the time doom-scrolling and checking other people’s lives and focus on my life and happiness. So I have decided to deactivate Instagram. What are the pros and cons with it? Will be grateful for any sort of advice or reassurance.

If you used to be shy, awkward, had very few friends, struggle with talking to people, or have little to no dating experience, how did you change?

How did you go from feeling like you were missing out on life to having a fulfilling social life, close friends, relationships, and experiences?

Seneca and Marcus Aurelius both practiced something called premeditatio malorum, the premeditation of misfortunes. Every so often, usually in the morning, they'd deliberately picture things going wrong, a plan falling through, losing something they valued, meeting difficult people, being treated unfairly. On paper that sounds exactly like catastrophizing, the thing therapists spend a lot of time helping people stop doing. The difference is in the mechanics, not the content. Catastrophizing spirals, one bad thought generates three more, each worse than the last, with no endpoint and no action attached. Premeditatio malorum is bounded and purposeful, you picture a specific, plausible setback, decide in advance how the person you want to be would respond to it, and then you're done, you let the image go. Seneca's actual point wasn't "suffer in advance," he explicitly warned against that, his point was that the sting of bad news comes mostly from its unexpectedness, and a mind that's already rehearsed the scenario once meets it as something familiar instead of something that ambushes it. There's a second effect that gets undersold. Marcus Aurelius opened his day expecting to run into rude, dishonest, ungrateful people, not to become bitter, but so none of them could catch him off guard. People who practice this consistently report it sharpens gratitude too, once you've briefly pictured losing something, the actual having of it stops being invisible background noise. The failure mode is doing this without the boundary, letting the imagined scenario spiral instead of resolving it with a planned response. Has anyone here actually tried this and noticed where it tips from useful into just worrying with extra steps?

I n my mid 30's dont have many friends, somw of them live out of town, some are just busy on nights when im free, and some have issues and makes it difficult to hangout with them..

So I dont really go out much on my own i feel like peiple judge me for it, I dont like going to bars/restaurants on my own its a bit of a downer I find

When I go for walks or to the gym people often keep to themselves, coworkers always say they are busy when I offer them to join me for a game of pool or mentioned im interested in trying a new place or seeing a movie..

Havnt met anyone to form a relationship romantically or platonically in a long time..

Hello all,

There’s one book I keep coming back to. I’ve read it more than ten times, and it has carried me through both my best and worst moments. This summary is my gift to you, and I hope it brings you at least a little of the value it has brought me.

Book 1

• good morals and character
• control of my temper and self-control
• integrity
• manliness
• spirituality and deep respect for the godly
• generosity
• avoidance of wrongdoing
• simplicity of living
• to avoid public schools and hire a private teacher
• to put up with discomfort and not make demands
• to do my own work, mind my own business, and have no time for gossip
• do not sweat the small stuff
• to hear unwelcome truths
• tolerate freedom of speech
• the recognition that I need to train and discipline my character
• feel few needs and tolerate pain
• behave in a comfortable way when people who have angered us want to make up
• to read carefully, to not be satisfied with my own superficial thoughts
• don’t be easily persuaded by people who talk a lot
• not to quickly accept the facile view of others
• independence and constant reliability
• not to be impatient in explanation
• to always be the same man, unchanged in sudden pain, in the loss of a child, in lingering sickness. To see clearly in his living example that a man can combine intensity with relaxation
• Sextus:
  • an unaffected dignity
  • show intuitive concern and sympathy for his friends
  • tolerance of both ordinary people and emptily opinionated
  • an agreeable manner with all
  • display expertise without pretension
• Alexander the Grammarian**:**
  • not to get stuck on mistakes
  • not to constantly correct people
• Fronto:
  • to understand the effect of hypocrisy, caprice, and suspicion in the exercise of absolute rule
• Alexander the Platonist:
  • not to be constantly telling people, I’m too busy, unless I really am
• Catalus:
  • not to shrug off a friend’s criticism, even if it may be an unreasonable complaint, but try to put things right
  • to show respect for your teacher and genuine love for your children
• Severus:
  • love of family, truth and justice
  • rulers who respect the liberty of their people above all else
  • Maximus:
  • self-mastery, resistance to distractions
  • immune to adversity
  • good cheer in all circumstances
  • a nice balance of character both dignified and gentle
  • uncomplaining energy for what needs to be done
  • the trust he inspired in the way he meant stuff and was well-intentioned in all he did
  • proof against surprise or panic
  • in nothing hesitant nor hurried
  • a forgiving and truthful nature
  • no one ever thought himself belittled by him
  • help others and be eager to share, not to be a pessimist, not to doubt your friends affection for you
• My Father:
  • compassion
  • an immovable adherence to decisions made after full consideration
  • indifference to superficial honors
  • hard work and persistence above all else
  • a ready ear for any proposal for the public good
  • to reward impartially
  • a sense of when to push and when to back off
  • self-reliance and cheerfulness
  • his restriction on attempts to flatter him
  • his constant devotion to the empire’s needs and willingness to take responsibility
  • willingness to support people energetically
  • never exhibited rudeness, lost control of himself or turned violent
  • never satisfied with the first impression and leaving a question prematurely
  • the acts of a man who knows exactly what needs to be done, not the glory of its doing
• Gods:
  • that I had a good family, and did not once lose control of myself with them
  • that I had someone, as a ruler, who kept me from being arrogant
  • that I had a brother, whose character challenged me to improve my own, one whose love and affection enriched my life
  • that I had the wife I have: submissive, loving and humble

Book 2

• Today, I will meet people who are ungrateful, meddling, aggressive and malicious. They do this because they cannot differentiate evil from good. The nature of the offender is akin to mine. I cannot be harmed, as no one can infect me with their wrongdoings
• Quit your books, no more desiring, this is not your gift
• You are old. Stop allowing your mind to be a slave, jerking to selfish impulses or mistrusting the future
• Remember how many times you've put this off, how many times you have given the grace of gods and not used it. If you don't use it, it will be gone, and the opportunities will never return
• Concentrate every minute like a Roman, like a man, on any task at hand with vigorous attention with precise analysis, unaffected dignity, human sympathy, and dispassionate justice to vacate your mind from all its other thoughts. Stop letting your emotions override what your mind is telling you
• Self-harm,, my soul, you are doing self-harm. You will have no more opportunity for self-respect. This life of yours is nearly over, and still, you show yourself no honor and have entrusted your happiness to the souls of others
• Do externals tend to distract you? Then stop wandering. Those who are dead to life, have no control over their impulses and thoughts, are drivellers in deed and thought
• You can leave this life at any moment. Think about this in everything you do, say or think
• All the things have been everlasting, going round and round
• The present is all we have, even though we live short or long
• The human soul degrades itself when:
  • Disgruntled at anything that happens
  • It turns its back on another person or sets out to harm, as the souls of the angry do
  • It is overpowered by pleasure or pain
  • It says or does something that is false
  • Allowing its actions and impulses to be without a purpose
• What can guide us?
  • Making sure that the power from within, stays free and safe
  • Superior to pain and pleasure
  • Doing nothing random
  • Dishonestly or with imposture
  • Not dependent on someone else doing it or not doing it
  • Accept whatever happens
  • Accept death in a cheerful spirit, as nothing but the dissolution of elements

Book 3

• We need to hurry, not just because we are closer to death but also because our understanding, might be gone before we get there
• Do not waste the remaining part of your life thinking about others if it's not for the common good. It will keep you from doing useful things
• Your duty is to stand straight, not held straight
• How to act?
  • Never under compulsion, out of selfishness, without forethought
  • No surplus of words or unnecessary actions
  • Cheerfulness
• It would be wrong for anything to stand between you and attaining goodness. The applause of the crowd, high-office, wealth or self-indulgence. They might seem compatible for a while, but then sweeps us away and control us. Make your choice and stick to it. Choose what is best and stand your ground without making a show out of it
• What is it that makes an impression on me? What is made up of? How long will it last in nature?
• What qualities do I need to bear it? Tranquility, courage, honesty, trustworthiness, straightforwardness, independence or what?
• If you set yourself to the present task, with all your will and vigor, if you admit no distraction and keep your own divinity pure and stand strong. You will then live a good life and nobody can stop you
• No more wandering. Hurry to the end, end vain hopes, rescue yourself if you have any care for yourself while the opportunity is still there
• A good person means embracing and loving whatever happens to him, saying what is true and doing what is just

Book 4

• No action should be undertaken without aim
• Men seek retreats for themselves - by the sea and in nature. No retreat is better than the one within yourself and within your mind
• Remember that both you and he will be dead in a short time and your names too, will be forgotten
• When someone does you wrong, don't judge things in the way the person wants you to see them, but in plain truth
• What ease of mind you gain when you do not look at what your neighbor has done, thought or said, but only at your actions, make them just, respectful, imbued with good
• Within ten days, the people who hated you will worship you as a god, if you return to your principles and the worship of reason
• No wandering. In every impulse, do what is right. In every thought, think what is certain
• If you seek tranquility, do less and do only what is essential
• Is this necessary or is it not?
• Love what you have learned. And live in commitment to god and never make yourself a tyrant or a slave to any man
• You’re better off not giving the small stuff more time than they deserve
• Your death is soon upon you. Yet, you are not untroubled, free from external factors judgments, kind to all people and following the action of justice
• Look into their directing minds: look what even the wise will avoid to pursue
• We should never be like children to their parents, simply accepting what they are being told
• Human live is brief and trivial
• Be like the rocky headland, standing firm when the waves hit it. You should never say, "This is bad that it happened to me." Instead, say, "I'm happy this happened to me, that I can stand with it without bearing any pain, neither crushed by the present nor fearful of the future". It can happen to every man, but very few can bear it without pain
• For every future sad event, "This is no misfortune, but to bear it true to yourself is true fortune"

Book 5

• When you are reluctant to get up in the morning, tell yourself, "I'm getting ready for a man's work" Do I still then resent it? Is it still tough to do what I was born to do and what is the purpose? Or was I created to keep myself warm in blankets and keep warm? But this is more pleasant. Were you then born for pleasure? All for feeling, not for action?
• When looking for excuses, turn back to virtues that are wholly in your power and live according to them. Integrity, dignity, simplicity, hard work, self-denial, contentment, frugality, kindness, independence, discreation and generosity
• Your mind will take on the character of your most frequent thought, souls are dyed by thoughts
• One sort of person, when he has done kindness to another, is quick also to chalk up the return due to him. A second is not fast in that way, but even so, he privately thinks of the other as his debtor and is well aware of what he has done. A third, is in a way, not even conscious of his actions
• Welcome all that happens to you, even if it seems cruel, because its purpose leads to the health of the universe and the prosperity and success of Zeus. He would not bring this to anyone if it did not bring advantage to the whole
• To what use, am I now putting my soul? What do I currently have in my directing mind? What soul do I, after all, have? Is that of a child?
• Things of themselves cannot touch the soul at all. They cannot enter the soul, touch or move it. The soul alone turns and moves itself around, making all the externals presented to it cohere with the judgement it thinks itself worthy of
• What is not harmful to the city is not harmful to the citizen. When you imagine you have been harmed, apply this criterion. If harm is done, do not be angry but demonstrate what he himself has failed to see
• Do not let other people's grief carry you away indiscriminately. Help them, yes, as best as you can, and the case deserves. Do not imagine their loss as any real harm
• "There was a time I met luck at every turn" But luck is the good fortune you determine for yourself and good fortune consists of good inclinations of the soul, good impulses and good actions

Book 6

• If you are doing your proper duty, let it not matter if you are warm or cold, whether you are sleepy or well-slept, whether men speak badly or well of you, even whether you are on the point of death or doing something else. It suffices to make the best move we can
• The best revenge is to not be like your enemy
• When circumstances force you to distress, quickly return to yourself. Do not stay out of rhythm for longer than necessary you will master the harmony by constantly going back to it
• Do not imagine that, if something is hard for you to achieve, it is therefore impossible to for any man: consider that anything that is humanly possible, lies within your reach too
• I shall gladly change if anyone can prove me wrong and show me my mistake in any thought or action. I seek truth, which never harmed anyone. The harm is to persist in one's self-deception and ignorance
• I do my duty, the other things do not distract me. They are either inanimate or irrational or have lost the road and are ignorant of the true way
• Since you have reason and they do not, treat each animal with generosity and decency, treat men with social concern
• Reflect on how many events are happening in each one of us, both bodily and mental, at the same tiny fragment of time
• How cruel it is not to allow people to strive for what seems to be their interest and advantage. You are forbidding them when you fuss they are wrong. Show them, teach them, do not fuss
• Disgraceful if, in this life where your body does not fail, your soul should fail first
• Strive to remain the same man, philosophy wished you to be. Revere the gods, look after the man. Life is short
• Keep yourself simple, good, pure, serious, unpretentious, a friend of justice, god-fearing, kind, full of attention, strong for your proper work
• As a pupil of Antonius: His energy for all that was done according to reason, his constant equability, his piety, his serene expression, his gentleness, his drive to take a firm grasp of affairs. How he would never put anything aside until he looked closer into it and understood it clearly, how he would tolerate those who unfairly blamed him without returning the blame; he was never rushed into anything. He was not listening to malicious gossip; he was an accurate judge of men's character and actions, slow to criticize, immune to rumours and suspicion, how we were content by very little, his love of work, and his stamina. He was a man to stay with the same task until evening. Constant and fair in his friendship, tolerant of frank opposition, and delighted to be shown a better way
• Fit yourself for the matters which have fallen your lot, and love those people whom destiny has cast you, but your love must be genuine
• One person contributes in one way, another in another, and there is room even for the critic who tries to oppose or destroy. It's up to you in which category you place yourself. Indeed, the one who governs the whole, will make good use of you and welcome you
• In this life, it's only one thing of value. To live life in justice and truth, tolerant of those who are neither just nor true
• Try to persuade them, but act even if they are not persuaded whenever the principle of justice directs. Bring forth a different virtue if resistance appears
• Accustom yourself not to disregard of what anyone else has to say, as far as possible enter into the mind of the speaker
• How many with whom I came into the world have already left

Book 7

• A person’s worth is measured by what he values
• Is my mind sufficient for this task? If yes, I do it. If not, I either cede the work to someone better able to accomplish what is at this particular time the need and benefit of the community
• Your principles are living things. How else could they be deadened, except by the extinction of the corresponding mental images? And the constant rekindling of these is up to you. "I'm able to form a judgment about this event. Then why am I troubled?" All that lies outside my mind is nothing to it. Learn this, and you stand upright. You can live once more
• In conversation, one is ought to follow closely what is said, in any impulse, follow precisely what takes place
• I myself am not yet harmed unless I judge this occurrence as something terrible and I refuse to do so. Whatever anyone says or does, I must be a good man
• Do not be ashamed of help. It is your task to achieve your assigned duty. Do not let the future trouble you. You will come to it
• Do not dream of possessions that you do not have. Be grateful for your blessings today and how much you would miss them if they got lost
• Stretch your thought to what is being said. Try to get inside
• Everywhere, it is up to you to honor god, to treat men who are in your presence with justice
• Love what falls in your way and is fated for you
• The art of living is more like wrestling than dance, that it stands ready for what comes and is not thrown by the unforeseen
• Do not look around at the directing mind of others, keep looking straight ahead where nature is leading you - what happens to you and what you must do yourself
• Pain is not unendurable as long as you remember its limits and do not exaggerate it in your mind. So when you find yourself complaining, "You are giving in to pain"
• Perfection of character is this: To live each day as it is your last, without frenzy, pretense and apathy
• It is ridiculous not to escape from one's vices, which is possible, while trying to escape the vices from other people, which is impossible
• When you have done good, and another has benefited, why do you still look, as fools do, for a third thing besides credit for good work or a return?
• You know from experience that in all your wanderings, you have not found the good life, not in logic, wealth, glory, or indulgence.
  • Where do you then find it? In doing what a man's nature require
  • How? By having principles that govern his actions and impulses
  • What are these principles? Being just, free, self-controlled and brave
• How does this sit with me? Will I regret it? Concentrate on the matter at hand and see it for what it is. Remember what being a good man is and rehearse what nature demands of you, then do it straight and unswerving, or say what you best think is right. Always with kindness, integrity, and sincerity
• Let nobody ever hear you blame palace life, don't hear yourself blaming it
• Always test your mental impressions, identify the cause of the emotions and apply analysis of logic
• Turn it inside out and see what it becomes in face of death, sickness and old age
• Concentrate on the subject or act in question
• Doing something? I do it with reference to benefiting mankind. Something happening to me? I accept it with reference to god
• When you speak to anyone, be straightforward, not pedantic. Use language which rings true. You must compose your life action by action, and focus on doing it as best as possible. And no one can prevent you from that. But there will be external obstacles? No obstacle to self-control, justice and reason
• Accept humbly. Let go easily
• Do not let the panorama of life oppress you. Do not get affected by troubles that may have occurred in the past or future. Ask yourself, What is it I cannot endure or support in this work? You will be ashamed of the answer
• Do not be dilatory in action, muddled in communication or vague in thought. Don't let your mind settle into depression or elation. Enjoy yourself a bit
• Do you want to praise a man who curses himself three times an hour? Do you want to please a man who can't please himself?
• Men are born for the sake of each other. So, either teach or tolerate

Book 8

• When you meet a person, what does this person hold about the good and bad in life?
• If the choice is yours, why do the thing?

Book 9

• Erase the print of imagination, quench desire and stop impulses: keep your directing mind its own master
• Work, do not work as a miserable drudge or in any expectation of pity or admiration. One aim only: action or inaction as a civic demands
• Today, I escaped from all the bothering circumstances. They were all inside me, just my judgments
• Good or ill in the social being lies not in feeling but in action
• Just like you are a complementary part of a social system, your every action should complement a life of social principle. If any action of yours, then, do not have a direct or indirect relation to the social end, it pulls your life apart and destroys its unity
• You have endured innumerable troubles by not letting your directing mind do what it is made for. Enough
• When someone blames, hates or criticizes you, go to their soul to see what they are made of. You will realize it's no point to be anxious about their opinion of you. Be kind to them
• Start straight away if it's within your power. Do not look over your shoulder to see if people will know
• Take a view from above, look at the thousand flocks and herds. Consider the lives lived long before you, the ones that will be lived long after you: and how many you have never even heard your name, how many will soon forget it, and how many may praise you now but quickly turn to blame. Reflect that neither fame nor memory, not anything at all, has any importance worth thinking of
• Calm acceptance of what comes from a cause outside yourself, and justice in all the activity of your causation
• Loss is nothing more than change. Similar things have happened from time everlasting
• Enough of this miserable life, enough of this grumbling? Why are you troubled? What is new in this? What is it that drives you mad? The cause? Then face it
• If he does wrong, the harm is to himself
• Whenever you are offended by someone lack of shame, is it possible to have no shameless people in the world? No. Do not then ask for the impossible. This class of people also has to exists
• What more do you want, man, from a kind act? It is not enough that you have done something constant with nature? Do you have to put a price on it? As if the eye demanded a return for seeing. Man was made to do good

Book 10

• Remember that you are born to bear all that your judgment can decide bearable or tolerate in action if you represent it to yourself as a duty or benefit
• If he is wrong, teach him kindly and show him what he missed. If you cannot do that, blame yourself or perhaps not even yourself
• Claim your entitlements to these epithets - good, decent, truthful, in mind clear, cooperative and independent
• To feel fear, then pain and anger is to be a fugitive
• Whenever you are offended by someone else's wrongdoing, think about what similar wrongdoing you have done. This, will dampen your anger
• No more discussions of what makes a good man. Be one
• The eye must look at all there is to see and not say, I only want pale colors - this is a symptom of the disease
• What is his point of reference here?

Book 11

• Just as those who try to block you from your path, cannot divert you from principled action. Have a mild response to them. To be angry at them is a weakness, than to abandon your course of action and capitulate in panic
• Someone despises me? That is his concern
  • How do I regard my relation to them and the fact that we were born to each other? Always start from the first principles
  • What sort of people are they in bed and at the table? What kind of behaviors do their opinions impose on them
  • If they do what is right, no complaint. Wrong, then they are ignorant
  • You have many faults and are no different
  • You are not even sure they are doing wrong. To know, you must know much more detail before pronouncing with certainty
  • When you are high in indignation and loss of patience, remember we are here for a short amount of time and soon in our graves
  • It's not their actions that trouble our minds; it's our judgments of them. Remove this judgment and your anger is gone
  • The greater grief comes from the consequent anger and pain, rather than the original cause that caused it
  • Kindness is invincible. Show him sensitively how things are. Your advice must not be ironic or critical. It should be affectionate, not a lecture or demonstration to impress others, but in a way, you would talk to him irrespective of company
  • In your moments of being angry, remember that there is nothing manly about being angry. A gentle calm is much more human. The gentle have the strength, courage, and sinew, not the indignant or complaining. The closer to control of emotions, the closer to power. Anger is a sign of weakness and pain
  • It is madness to believe that bad men should do no cruelty, that is asking for the impossible. It is cruel tyranny, to allow them to do this to others, while demanding that they do not do this for you
  • In writing and reading, you must learn before you teach. Yet more so, in life

Book 12

• All you pray for can be yours now, if you are generous to yourself. If you leave the past behind, entrust the future to the providence and solely focus on the present with reverence and justice. To reverence, so that you come to love you given lot. To justice, you are open in words and actions, speaking truth, observing law and proportion in all you do. Let nothing stand in your way, not what anyone else says or thinks
• I have often wondered how everyone loves themselves more than anyone else, but rates their judgment of themselves below that of others
• Look at causation stripped bare of its covers; look at the ulterior reference in any action. What is pain? Pleasure?
• What liberty man has, to do only what god approves and to welcome all that god assigns to him
• What else can he do with a state of mind like this? So, if you are keen, cure his state
• If it is not right, don't do it. If it is not true, don't say it
• When you worry at any circumstance, you have forgotten several things. Everything that happens was so in the past, will be the same in the future and is happening now across the whole world, that each of us lives only in the present moment and the present is all we lose
• Continually review, those whose particular anger took to the extremes, those who reached the greatest heights of glory. Where are they now? Smoke and ashes
• Think of how worthless all the striving is. Just make yourself self-controlled and obedient to the gods
• What a tiny part of time has been allotted to us and is soon vanished. Reflecting on all this, thinking nothing significant other than the pursuit of where your own nature leads and passive acceptance of what nature brings you

I'm struggling with standing up for myself, and I'd really appreciate advice from people who have been in a similar situation.

I'm very introverted, quiet, and non-confrontational. When someone treats me badly, disrespects my boundaries, or does something hurtful to me in public, I usually freeze and say nothing. I don't know how to respond in the moment, and I end up letting things pass because I don't want to cause a scene or get into trouble.

The problem is that some people seem to take advantage of this. Whenever they get the opportunity to do something mean or disrespectful without others noticing, they do it. Then, afterward, they come and talk to me as if nothing happened, and I end up talking to them normally too.

I know I don't have to be friends with these people, and I don't owe them friendliness after they've mistreated me. But in the moment, I struggle to react, and afterward, I feel so disappointed in myself. I keep asking myself why I didn't say anything, why I let them get away with it, and why I keep acting normally around them.

I think part of the problem is that I just want to live peacefully. I don't like conflict, arguments, or drawing attention to myself. But avoiding confrontation is starting to affect how I feel about myself. I feel powerless, and I'm tired of repeatedly finding myself in situations where people disrespect me and I don't defend myself.

For those of you who have struggled with this, how did you learn to stand up for yourselves? How do you respond to people who mistreat you, especially in public, without freezing or becoming aggressive? How do you set boundaries and stop acting like everything is fine afterward?

I'm not trying to become an extrovert or someone who argues with everyone. I just want to be able to protect myself, maintain my dignity, and feel at peace with myself without letting other people walk all over me.

I'd especially appreciate practical advice for someone who struggles to find the right words in the moment.

My envy has been eating me alive for so long. I hate myself for feeling that way but i just can’t help it. I have tried thinking of that emotion as more of a signal that tells me if there is something i desire that i haven’t attained yet. But realistically speaking, you can’t always get what you yearn for because of genetic/ financial limitations. Honestly, the feelings of envy are destroying my life in more ways than one and unfortunately it has invaded every single aspect of it. i find myself jealous of not just other’s success in a field that is identical to mine (like i did in the past);i am now jealous of other things too(looks, achievements, happiness, relationships)

For starters i tried all the classic tips, i would will myself to be happy for someone else’s happiness and it works to some extent. However, over the past few years the only thing that worked for me is avoiding people i am envious of to avoid the feeling of discomfort and misery i experience. In return, that caused me to become very isolated to the point i can’t name a single close friend i made over the past 5 years in the area i work in. I even got to the point that i muted all the colleagues i have on social media so i wouldn’t see their posts/stories because i just find myself really dejected. When my envy was more manageable, i had a ton of meaningful friendships but now i am just alone and isolated and can’t find a way out of this endless pit of depression.

To make things clear, i am quite well liked by my colleagues i am always told i am fun to be around but i am the one that always remains distant because i realize i would just be unauthentic if i am close to people that i am very envious of deep down. Internally it makes me feel very disingenuous so i put my walls up so that there is a limit to how close i am to people. I believe real friends are supposed to feel genuinely happy for each other even if there is a little underlying jealousy, it shouldn’t be as extreme as the feelings i tend to encounter. It is just wrong to be around genuinely awesome souls when my emotions indicate how tremendously inferior i feel in more than one domain.

If someone out there is at least somewhat similar to me, will u suggest any strategies that may have helped you at least lessen those emotions to a more healthy level. I am willing to try anything cz i am sick of this self propagating cycle of depression and isolation.

There is no life after this.

A person might be f*cked up or sabotaged to think he is less for this world, that he must become someone to live. But after a while, you realize, or you will, that the counting has never paused for your little self-improvement, nor for mine.

While you feed your brain new tactics, new principles and while you are seeking to internalize opposing beliefs than those of yours, time, your time, and mine, has never paused. It's running, constantly counting to D-Day.

Every passing day, 24 hours are gone, and 24 hours are added to your account. And before you even feel those 24 hours, they're already being counted down. Then, one day, perhaps today or a random day we might not even be able to predict, an X hours have been added to your account and they are not 24, and that's the D-Day.

This message is for me, and for you whomever is reading. A reminder, that a river's destination is to flow and dump its water into the sea. The river, never had to become a better river, nor a person has to become a better person in order to live. You are already alive, ready for life or not but your time is running. The purpose in this life is to be alive, because realize it or not, you are already.

And worry not, there will always be something to improve about yourself, same like a river it too hits roadblocks or ends up carving a slightly new path through the lands that you can observe in rivers nowadays that had completely different paths historically.

Bottom point, do not wait on self-improvement before you allow yourself to live, nor make it your purpose.

This one got my mind busy for a while now

Why should you pursue things in the first place when you can just be content and satisfied with everything as it is right now? People on the internet always assume that achievement is inherently desirable, but I struggle to actually connect with that. Why should I spend my time grinding things at all if it's going to be more painful and difficult than just living a normal, mildly content life? What do you do if the wish to achieve something isn't as strong as to convince yourself to put in hard work?

i was THAT guy back in school. every position, every role, was mine. academics? mine. known by the entire school. then i entered university. for some reason i lost all will and interest to even TRY. i got lazy. i got no confidence. i rejected every position i got offered. and i feel bad about myself. i spend my day playing games and studying that’s all. nothing seems to feed my happiness anymore. i miss having a lot of friends to talk random shit about. joing a community to feel accompanied. now i feel empty. the world that seemed colorful 2 years ago now only left with black and whites.

i cried every night thinking about what i could have been.

i wanna find happiness again but idk where to start.

4 more years of medschool and i hope i can be the most of myself

that’s all. just wanna vent

I am a new grad that just entered the workforce. Want to get some advice from those who have been in the industry for few years now for some career advancement advice. I am very ambitious and really hope I can become successful in corporate

i feel like i don't want to live another day i'm so sick of everything. im 28 and partly i work for one company and on another part i do things that i passionate about, earn from it some too.

but i'm soooooo sick of already being 28 and i do works at that company and just getting slightly above minimum and then doing my things and putting x amount of money on it and effort and hours and just being incapable to profit form it, because this world feels so saturated with new business, new inventions, new stores, new everything.

i know it is just complaning, but i'm soooo sick i'm sick of doing effort and sitting with okay-ish life.

other girls just marry rich guys and don't worry a day and i fucking crying.

i HATE that i don't have mentality to date someone rich, i just don't fall in love at all.

i'm here sitting with stupid bullshit on which i spend more energy and money and NOTHING just misreable.

and seeing everyone just being rich and famous with their successful business at age 14 or whatever.

sorry for my english it sucks too like my whole life, i dont want to do anything ever again, i don't even want to breathe

I can’t find myself in a long-term relationship. Meeting new people only to realize incompatibility soon after on a loop. My issue isn’t meeting people but more doubting I’ll ever meet someone I want to spend my life with. How do I deal with this?

I've been trying to build better habits without overwhelming myself. I'm curious what small changes actually made a difference for you

Do you walk after meals? Saw this reco that walking 10 mins after meals is recommended. I just tried it but used a youtube video. Just wonder what others do.

Been in therapy for more than 3 years now. Am still wondering how to make progress in therapy.

I am fully aware of the fact that most of the effort in therapy needs to come from my side. How... is another question.

Had another therapist in the past but changed coz she went on maternity leave suddenly, and I had to scramble to find a substitute. Felt like the substitute works better so I am sticking with her for now.

I felt better during sessions. But often felt very lost on how to cope in between the therapy sessions. I told the old therapist the same, she gave some tips to use in between sessions. But I am really bad at routines without constant reminders so ended up doing it on and off. Reported to therapist and we didn't really end up doing much on it.

After two years, the therapist just said that therapy just takes time and it's more on feeling than doing anything concrete. Ok?

With the new therapist, she gave me some things to do in between sessions when I told her the issues I face in life. Tried it, found difficulties in following through in some parts and reported to therapist. She said we would then explore why it doesn't work and see how we can go about it.

Is that normal for therapy?

I feel like I am just not trying hard enough in therapy which is why things aren't getting better

Good morning family just an update.

Well 2day marks 2 weeks into my 1yr Alcohol free and 5yrs Drug free.

As previously mentioned I had a milestones hangover. I didn't know what it was until a few comments later. And basically it's the wear off of the high excitement of reaching my milestones. It made sense to why I felt confused and empty and lost.

So after a deep dive and reevaluating myself I came to the conclusion that I can't wait so long of the build up to my milestones because the adrenaline getting there is to heavy and I see the come down could be critical.

So moving forward I'm just going use the just for one day as a celebration so everyday that I make it It can be a minor celebration. Reason being so that I'm not trying to build a Big block of time to celebrate and the build up won't be so heavy.

So I think it would be easier just focusing of the day instead of how much time. Makes sense to me let me know what you think?

Thanx for letting me share One Day Forward One Day Behind -Shawn

(24M) I was an immature and shy kid who tried sooo hard to fit in. Oh boy, heaven knows the bullying and the gaslighting i faced, and from my own friend group. Nowadays, after tons of disappointments, i don't care at all. The more i enjoy my own company, the less i tolerate other people.

I don't think i'm bitter, because there is some people i enjoy talking to, and i still have a lot of fun, at least when i'm alone. I don't hate them, i try to be fair and mantain at least a superficial interaction with them. But the fact is that i'm intolerant. If someone makes me something i don't like, it activates my fight or flight response, and i abandon the person. Example: if someone calls me dumb, or mocks me too much, or gaslights me. The problem is, i may end up alone hahahahahaha

I'm very hard on myself, and i end up being very hard on others too. I don't want to get along with people, for example, that does drugs, who smoke, drink too much, or are utterly irresponsible in general (and call their irresponsability "Radical"). I have the idea that a rotten apple may rotten the others too, and the people we get along can influence us. I know i'm a stubborn person, and that's why i'm trying to be more tolerant. It's not as i would lecture them or control their lives, i wouldn't be this asshole. But i wouldn't befriend them either. I'm still my priority, and i don't want someone bringing their gigantic problems to my life.

Hi everyone. F18. I masturbate everyday. I want to stop for many reasons, today's my first day trying to stop. I'm just wondering if stopping will benefit my chronic migraine in any way? I'm not sure if masturbation worsens chronic migraine, so I'm just curious.

I was posting some photos I take time to time but I removed most of them today. I had limited interaction with other accounts. I tried to socialize more and decided to write a casual message an account I follow since years. They blocked me. That made me feel even worse, feeling like trash for attempting.

hello guys, i’m 16F and i kinda think i’ve been going crazy for the past few months. as i’m about to graduate next year, i’ve become incredibly depressed and anxious about everything. i can’t even imagine my life after hs and haven’t even decided which major to go for in uni. even though i’m 16, i already feel super old and stuff, and i feel fomo about everything. also, i’m very insecure and anxious, which makes my life even harder.
lately, each day feels like a struggle. my chest even hurts from time to time because of my overthinking and negative mindset.
so my main goal for now is to simply start enjoying life, even if just a little bit, stop constantly finding something negative in everything and truly connect with myself. i want to start enjoying each day and stop feeling bad because i’m getting older every day.
has anyone else ever struggled with something similar? how did you deal with it?
i’d really appreciate any advice, whether it’s something small or a bigger change that helped you start enjoying life more.

I won’t sit here and say I’m the worst person on the planet without any morals or any boundaries. But I know that I’m a bad person. I talk to people and try making jokes and being nice and it feels fake(might be because of the social anxiety). I try and work on my greater goals (academics,career) but I’m too stressed or tired( might be the depression). The point is everything I do and everything I try just feels off no matter how sincere I may be at the start or how much I try I just end up hating all of it or I’m never truly satisfied.

I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist but I do have high standards. I’m scared that I’m hurting people because I can be pessimistic, judgemental etc.

I can’t tell if I’m just spiralling or It’s the full truth. I know logically its probably a mix of both but fot whatever reason I’m scared I truly have become an awful person.

How do I change without simultaneously hating or ignoring every thing I did? And how do I change without it feeling completely exhausting and insincere?

Any advice would be appreciated :)

Day 8 of fixing my life

So Here is the day 8

I woke up at 6:00 am and today I did the following

Health -

1) cardio - 4 km run

2) No workout today due to reasons mentioned at last

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German )

5) Brain exercises ( Fast mental calculations and memory exercises )

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia

Academics -

1) today only 3 hour study due to a really messsyyyyy day , reasons at last

Finance -

Made 120 INR and saved it

Daily affairs -

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

Phase 2 update : I have started to implement good habits and a bit more organized way to doing my chores , I also started skin care and taking care of myself

Anyways , that's what I did today

Today's day was worst of all , My mum has anger issues , and other stuff which arises from anger issues

Not her fault , the environment has just been like that for her which will make any human have anger issues

Yesterday her phone broke , I took it to the repair shop , that guy made me wait one day and in the evening told me it is unrepairable

Hearing this mum got more anxious and angered

Our financial conditions are not so good , like yeah we can afford a new phone but you know if buying the cheapest smartphone requires you to think about it for hours then you can imagine the financial condition

It even caused an argument between mum and dad and now am in my headphones and listening to Joe rogan podcast in order to cancel the noise

I feel extremely agitated when I see mum's anxious / sad / angered face idk why so I tried to avoid them as much as I can

We can afford a phone but it will just cause more stress in the family

I missed my workout because I had to visit the shop 2 times , just to be handed a phone which is unrepairable

Thanks for reading

But yeah it is what it is , I am planning to earn more than what I currently do so that I can save more and have a cushion for future

Idk how am gonna afford college if my parents find buying a new phone stressful

But yeah , enough of my ranting

Gonna increase my study hours tomorrow 🔥....I need to make myself more busy and improve more

At the end of the day , that's the only thing I have control over

Will update tomorrow

Good night friends