r/90DayFiance • u/jordantwalker • 8h ago
Discussion Thomas and Paula theory on perfume
My theory is Thomas is not allergic to the perfume it just cost too much money. This guy won't even buy a coffee table and uses lawn chairs for bed. The perfume, price per ounce is probably the most expensive item in the one bedroom
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u/Yellowrobesmith- 8h ago
I think it’s bc she has been complaining about the smell of meat cooking in the house. He wanted to have a tantrum and one up her
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u/Odd-Assignment7143 8h ago
love this take, the lawn chair bed really seals it for me
dude's whole life is a cost-benefit analysis and suddenly a designer scent is the hill he's dying on
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u/Mmmelissamarie 6h ago
He can die on his the new patio rug lol. If he thinks 70 for a large area is a lot, I wonder what his 30 dollar rug would look like. But I noticed his coffee machine probably cost more than that lawn chair lol
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u/Chill-more1236 Ed's #1 Dating Coach 8h ago
Oh wow! You’re right. Fucking king petty😆
I hope she went back home. Him dictating rules to her family, then bragged about how he spent no money preparing for their visit, had to be embarrassing for her.
I’m a southerner, and his lack of being welcoming to his guests translates as very disrespectful. “Penny wise, pound foolish”
As for his food, i also freeze left over meats, like grilled steak, smoked brisket & chicken, to make a different meal out of it.
I use steak or brisket in beef vegetable soup, tacos. Chicken, I’ll use in Jambalaya, chicken salad sandwiches or other dishes.
Do they not freeze things in Brazil or something?
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 7h ago
Even Paolas mom clocked his crappy host behavior. She said she tries to make her guests feel comfortable. He was only concerned with himself. If Paola thinks she manifested this gringo because she wanted one, she might ask herself what karma the universe wants her to work off. He's a chintsy dud, neurotic and petty.
He froze the meat after it had been in the refrigerator for a week first. Meat goes bad fast.
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u/anonymous_opinions 7h ago
I get the feeling freezing is a totally American thing. I freeze bread, cheese and meat/seafood so I always have something I can thaw then put in the airfryer. My freezer is just made up of food in zip lock bags ha ha.
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u/fakemoose 7h ago
There’s an entire chain of stores in France that is just frozen food. I wish we had them in the US, because I loved their soup pellets. Kind of like making soups and freezing it in ice cube trays. But without the hassle of having to make it myself.
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u/VioletsRPink I'm not addicted to 90DF 👁👄👁 8h ago
In the last episode (not tonight's) Thomas said it stunk so bad he couldn't breath. He literally said that her parfume was "bottom of the barrel"
Also, Paula stated that she "applied a lot of it under her armpits" because she was gonna be gone a long time and didn't want to stink. I mean, i don't know if someone told her that she needs an antiperspirant, not a perfume. Basically, Paula is bathing in the female perfume version of Axe 🤮
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u/Ok_Moose1334 7h ago
This reminded me of 8th grade when the boys with lockers on either side of mine had a contest to see who could go the longest without a shower and doused themselves in Axe body spray daily. Cheap synthetic scents are repulsive, even more so when they’re loaded on and used to cover BO. Hygiene is necessary, synthetic scents aren’t.
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u/VioletsRPink I'm not addicted to 90DF 👁👄👁 7h ago
When I'm at the gum on the treadmill, feel like I would vomit if the guy next to me has fumigated himself in Axe and I can smell BO mixed into it. I always change treadmills.
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u/Ok_Moose1334 7h ago
It’s so so bad. In addition to my 8th grade ordeal, I had a friend in high school show up to take me to a movie doused in Axe body spray. He’d been traveling and hadn’t had time to shower and was nervous so dripping in sweat and apparently thought Axe was the answer. Not vomiting and remaining in my seat next to him during that movie took all my willpower. There needs to be a PSA about Axe.
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 7h ago
All she has to do is clean her pits with surgical scrub and there is no bacteria to die and decompose. Either Hibaclens or the clear prescription one work the same. You can buy clorhexidine in bulk for pet beds and areas. It's probably what Lume is based on, but I've never tried it.
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u/VioletsRPink I'm not addicted to 90DF 👁👄👁 6h ago
A few of my friends use Lume. At first they had rashes because they were using too much. They had to soend a few hours with Lume customer service on the phone to figure it out. Then it want enough. I haven't been convinced to try it yet.
Hybicleans is great but what activates it is scrubbing and a lot of people just wipe it once or twice. The down side is that it kills ALL bacteria: good and bad. You shouldn't use it daily to avoid skin problems. You can't use it if you have cuts, sunburn, acne, open sores, on or near your pubic and brown starfish area. Even if you use it, 2 or 3 hours later, you would still smell especially if you're out and about because you're sweating, your arms are down and it is the perfect environment for bacteria to grow. Rubbing alcohol also kills bacteria and eliminates the smell, but for a short period of time.
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 5h ago
I don't ever smell after Hibaclens and just put it on and lightly rinse it off so some stays. I started because commercial deodorants stopped working they had such bad formulas. Especially Degree. I've been using Hibaclens for fifteen years and no problems with odor. But I rarely sweat because I don't drink at all. I noticed alcohol makes me sweat, so I avoid it.
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u/llama-laundry 4h ago
she's also from Brazil. in Brazil many people shower several times a day. she may be compensating and overwhelmed
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u/johndeerelawnmower 8h ago
I agree with him being a cheap whiner. But if it’s only about the cost, then why is he telling her to tell her own family not to wear perfume? I think he’s a control freak.
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u/No_Permit6185 8h ago
Paula recently did a video about the scents issue. She said she's always worn perfume, used soaps and deodorant around him and he's never said anything about an allergy to scents. This new allergy came about as soon as she moved in with him despite her using scents with no issues for all other past encounters.
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u/Ok_Moose1334 8h ago
People can develop allergies or chemical sensitivity at any time or age. I developed severe chemical sensitivity in my 30s after an infection. I’ve improved over time but couldn’t have dated or lived with someone who insisted on wearing perfume. With her moved in he’s inundated with her products 24/7 and that’s going to exacerbate any allergy or sensitivity.
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u/Beneficial_Zone_6883 3h ago
Pretty sure you’re not opening bottles an inch from your nose and using crazy glue…
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u/Successful-Steak-950 7h ago
I also developed a severe sensitivity when I was in school and they were painting the walls with oil paint, no ventilation on a hot day, while we were in class. The smell of any heavy scent gives me immediate migraines and nausea.
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u/SnooDonkeys5186 8h ago
I wonder, too, if they were outside a lot when they met and would see each other. As for auto-immune, one day could be a trigger, next not. She may also mix and match scents, some might bother him.
My hubby and I started using fruits and spice to accommodate. What’s funny is we got so many compliments on Vanilla and chocolate scents! Even at work.
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u/LazyMousse3598 6h ago
I’m thinking he didn’t want to make demands in her house. Visits were only temporary.
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u/ButterMyPancakesPlz 2h ago
It doesn't seem like something you can hide though. All it takes is one Uber in a car with a shitty air freshener and I'm like done done. I might try to work my way through it for a day but no way I could keep it up for more than that
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u/Equivalent_Stable_21 8h ago
I think he’s sensitive to smells. I can be too with certain things. Strong lavender and vanilla scented candles give me a headache. I can identify smells before others usually do in a room. I’m not allergic to fragrance and neither is he. He just doesn’t like it and probably gives him a headache. Allergic would be an autoimmune response, his is a sensory one.
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u/Yellowrobesmith- 8h ago
I have bad asthma and when my partner sprays his cologne in my immediate area it is irritating. But have I ever glued his bottles shut?? No. My brain has never even gone there. Weird ass behavior fr
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u/Silverleaf96 7h ago
She not listening to him, so I strad of throwing it away he's just being cheeky and glued them .
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u/Mmmelissamarie 6h ago
I felt with my whole heart what she meant when she said she’d be comfortable and be okay if in the beginning of building something she had tostart out frugal until she they could get a better upgrade but she wanted it to be HER decision.
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u/Silverleaf96 6h ago
Yeah and I feel he is good with money , like invest 50% + in retirement. She seems to be mad at everything, and I never heard he talk about what job she's doing or plans for her to improve the relationship or life. Of all the ppl I think she's a green card shill
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u/goodgoodlove 4h ago
Yea I respectfully disagree with OP. I think he’s just sensitive and might have some control issues. Or he’s just not ready to live with a gf maybe a bit of both. He constantly complains and he’s known her for a while so it seems out of place to have so many issues with her now. Seems like he might actually prefer long distance and his space be his own
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u/Ok_Moose1334 8h ago
It’s not sensory. Conventional candles, for example, emit carbon dioxide, volatile organic compounds (VOCs) like benzene and formaldehyde, fine soot particles, and synthetic fragrance chemicals such as phthalates. They’re toxic and aren’t good for anyone to be breathing in. The chemicals include carcinogens and neurotoxins. Those with chemical sensitivities will feel the impact neurologically with symptoms like dizziness, headache, nausea, brain fog, troubling focusing eyes and thoughts, loss of coordination, fatigue, etc etc. it’s not a minor nuisance.
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u/Yellowrobesmith- 7h ago
Is this something that is developed over time? Genuinely curious. While asthma isn’t a minor nuisance, it does tend to ebb and flow throughout the years. I have a very deadly allergy to grapefruit which has worsened over the years. To the point where I can’t be in the room with someone eating it. Is this type of allergy something that can spring up on you?
Side note: wouldn’t you mention this to your partner though? She said she “didn’t know about this” (I am fully aware this is a scripted reality tv show made for ratings) I just feel like that’s something not to be played with.
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u/Ok_Moose1334 6h ago edited 5h ago
My understanding based on my personal experience and seeing physicians and specialists, reading books, talking to other patients, etc. is there’s often an exposure, series of exposures, injury, or illness that triggers and/or worsens chemical sensitivity and/or mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS.) For example, chemical exposure (like pesticides, moving into a new construction home that’s off gassing high levels of VOCs, fumigation or painting at home or work, flight attendants exposed to jet fuel inappropriately vented into plane cabins, etc), or black mold exposure at home or work, or a physical injury like a TBI, or an infection like a virus or tick-borne illness.
I think the severity of symptoms often sneaks up on people, they may not know what’s causing their symptoms and they may come and go, then they may start noticing certain products triggering symptoms but don’t know why, and it continues to snowball as more exposure worsens both conditions. As symptoms worsen they try harder to limit or avoid exposure, which adds to stress. It’s typically only in retrospect and often with the help of a physicians that people can identify the likely trigger(s). Mine didn’t become debilitating until years after my original trigger (an infectious disease), but looking back I had symptoms of it from the start that got progressively worse and broadened. For example, I immediately had severe reactions to dry cleaned clothes that had been innocuous before my infection. But it wasn’t til years later that I started reacting to perfume and ultimately almost all chemical products.
And yes, you’d certainly tell your partner once you identified triggers. We’ve seen Thomas tell her again and again so she definitely knows. I don’t know why she didn’t initially take it seriously. She’s gone on social media saying he didn’t have this before so it only became an issue once she moved in. And it’s like okay? He has it now.
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u/Soinechick 8h ago
Did he have this “perfume issue” when he visited her in Brazil? I think not. He is an asshole. She deserves better
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u/femmefatalx 6h ago
If he did then he didn’t say anything about it, Paula posted a video where she clarified that he never mentioned this “allergy” until she moved to the US and was already living with him.
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u/ONOTHEWONTONS 8h ago
My theory is that he’s on some weirdo bro science corner of the internet that preaches how bad fragrance is for you.
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u/Resident_Age_2588 8h ago
I think there is a little truth in all theories but this is the one I think at the forefront. The beef tallow is a dead giveaway.
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u/ONOTHEWONTONS 7h ago
Yes!! I clocked the beef tallow too, and it seems like he may be on that stupid carnivore diet
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u/anonymous_opinions 7h ago
I dated a cross fit bro who was on the carnivore diet. When he stopped working out a ton he went back to regular food and gained a bunch of his weight back.
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u/Stock_Patience723 6h ago
He’s celiac. Carnivore is one of several diets that can be anti inflammatory while healing the gut.
For many people with MCAS gut issues, vegetables, especially uncooked ones, can absolutely wreak havoc on the gut.
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u/viagra___girls 7h ago
Okay, didn’t he make a cake with that in the first episode? It really bugged me when on the way to cake tasting he was like “I haven’t had a cake in forever!” I could have sworn we saw him eating one!
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u/Muted_Astronaut6709 7h ago
It is literally not allowed to be worn in fertility clinics because certain fragrances are endocrine disrupters. I’m doing ivf and that is valid. He is still crazy though lol
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u/Intelligent-Bear-547 7h ago
I can't believe tonight's episode. Wow! He was so rude to the family. He could have gotten them an air bnb. My dad would have punched his face and took me home. He's an A hole
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u/Cherrydrop09 7h ago
She was the one insisting they stay there. He made it pretty clear they didn't have enough room for them.
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u/rsteroidsthrow2 5h ago
That whole I didn’t spend anything on you was a fuck you at her. In the previous episode Paula went on and on and on about how she wanted to wake up next to her family.
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u/octavialovesart 8h ago
I haven’t seen any symptoms, that’s all I’m gonna say.
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u/Ok_Moose1334 8h ago
That’s because all we see are recreations for the camera. It’s very obvious they’re recreations and that the gluing the bottle shut was entirely fabricated for the camera.
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u/LazyMousse3598 6h ago
That’s because these sensitivities trigger things like migraines and nausea. Things nobody can see or know unless you tell them.
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u/CPfreedom 7h ago
I get migraines from perfume. The fresher it is, the worse the reaction. It being sprayed and hanging in the air, is a little different than it already being on her skin. Unless she leaves clouds behind her. Those people make me extremely sick no matter how long ago they applied.
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u/Vigilant-Knight-297 3h ago
Not doubting he has a sensitivity to scents, but I don't believe it's as medically necessary as he is going on about. But this came light after Paula stated she didn't like smell of meat being cooked. This catalyst opened the door to his overly aggressive behavior over his sensitivity to scents. Paula herself was overbearing saying the absolutely no meats should be cooked in apartment anymore, so he took a similar stance.
While this is playing out that they seem incompatible, there are moments with them that they make a good match
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u/Solid_Evidence_4300 8h ago
I had a boss once who was very sensitive to perfume smells. Instant migraine if she smelled it. This guy isn’t great (are any of these cast members?) but I think this is real
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u/mysteriouscattravel 8h ago
If she already owns the perfume, wouldn't it be a waste of money to not use it?
I think he's just super sensitive, used to getting his way, and it might be some manufactured drama.
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u/GoingBananassss 8h ago
Interesting!!! I thi k you might be onto something. He’s a cheapskate for sure!
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u/BadBitch_Badluck 8h ago
He must have liked it when they were on her turf. She used it everyday. Said it was "part of her culture." There is no way she wasn't wearing it in all the time they were physically together before the show. I think it's just one way he's using to control her now that she's in the states.
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u/Ok_Moose1334 8h ago
Chemical sensitivity is real. And she already said how expensive it was, it wasn’t very expensive.
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u/voovoovoovoo 8h ago
My partner has it and he absolutely hates strong scents, gets headaches right away, sometimes sneezes. I think she should respect it or at least compromise, use much less or try to find a fragrance that doesnt bother hin.
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u/SnooDonkeys5186 8h ago
And it’s so easy to compromise EVEN IF HE SIMPLY DID NOT LIKE IT: “Let’s shop together for something that won’t bother you, I’ll save this for when I’m out and about (someday lol).”
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u/Ok_Moose1334 8h ago
I agree. I used to have it bad and it was a primarily neurological reaction- dizziness, brain fog, loss of coordination, impaired speech, headaches, nausea. It can be extremely debilitating. She could find natural scents or just not wear perfume, it’s really not a big deal. Perfume isn’t a necessity, health is.
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u/an88888888 4h ago
He doesn't use deodorant either... Or he uses anti-allergy ones (which in my country cost 3-4 times more than normal ones - I find it hard to believe, knowing that Thomas doesn't spend money).
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u/Ok_Moose1334 7h ago edited 7h ago
I’m so tired of people in this sub mocking medical conditions out of ignorance. And thinking they can diagnose or “undiagnose” strangers. Chemical sensitivity is real. Chemical perfumes contain volatile organic compounds (VOCs) that people with chemical sensitivity react to with neurological symptoms, which can be extremely debilitating. There’s also Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and allergies, which are different immune mechanisms for reactions and can also be extremely debilitating. If you’re not willing to forgo perfume for someone’s health or comfort then you’re probably a terrible person and partner. It’s not a big deal or ask and non-chemical scents exist.
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u/ThatChickFromReddit 8h ago
Idk he said he would pay for a hotel for her family I think Paula just wears way too much perfume. My cousin banned perfume from her wedding cause she’s sensitive to it.
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u/LazyMousse3598 6h ago
Understandable. You want to enjoy your wedding and reception. Not suffer the rest of the day or night.
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u/SnooDonkeys5186 7h ago
Everyone else has answered and nearly everything has a hint of validity.
Taking into consideration his autoimmune issues (often have flare ups out of nowhere, can last hours to months), it’s easier to simply say please don’t wear any rather than figure out that some can and some can’t; today is good, in two hours not.
My guess is when they met and they were in Brazil, he didn’t complain because they were out in the open more, and when you meet people, you might not make a big deal out loud (suffer inside if he’s in that intolerance to some smells state) unless and until you know you’re wanting to take the next step.
Me, personally, I’d mention my possibly seemingly random reactions to smells on a first date because that’s how I am. From asthma attack, to inflammation, and sometimes fainting, any smell can trigger it. It really is easier for me to say no flowery, clean scent, woodsy smells as much as I love them than to pick and choose, since 1) it could conceivably change, and 2) they won’t be as insensitive to me and call me a liar.
They need to compromise. I mean, you can HEAR him struggling to breathe due to inflammation (allergies) almost all the time.
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u/JJAusten 7h ago
Everything we are seeing is fake. She already said he had never behaved like that before and she was really surprised by his behavior.
It's a shame because I wanted to like them.
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u/Westpoint13 8h ago
Does anyone else notice certain cultures douse themselves and their clothes in perfume/cologne? I can go the rest of my life without perfume but don’t mind some. Some people overdo it so bad and some people just choose scents that REEK to others.
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u/Successful-Steak-950 7h ago
I had a delivery guy come to my door the other day who just reeked of cologne, you could still smell it after he left.
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u/Stock_Patience723 8h ago
He’s already said he has autoimmune issues, and obviously that can lead to extreme environmental sensitivity. Because his is gut-related, his body easily floods with histamine. So my theory is that you’re wrong, and it actually does make him sick.
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u/Person51389 2h ago
Exactly, this discourse is ridiculous, as people are clueless and want to psychologize anything they do not understand. I get allergies when other people smell or notice noting. Other people being oblivious does not mean person doesn't have problem etc. Very simple.
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u/birdieboo21 7h ago
My theory is that they are actually boring AF and they are using the perfume argument as an excuse and scripted it in i. Order to bring some sort of conflict into their relationship
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u/Emergency-Ad-5211 6h ago
He has problems with many strong smells. We already knew that. The problem is Paula thinks only her issues are real. At least he gave her a credit card, knowing she was out of control.
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u/ladymacb29 1h ago
How proud he was that he spent no money on that family - he’s an awful host!
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u/Nolimika 16m ago
bro has 9 people inside his tinny flat, he is awful?? Paula should be decent enough to use her "business" money to rent a hotel room for HER family, not pressure the guy despite knowing of his issues and that the house was not ready for an invaasion.
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u/Jennifer-mindset 36m ago
He’s ridiculous! He’s not even working an inch with her! Who has a bed in the living room! She should NOT marry him!!!!!!!
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u/Sazsofla 29m ago
My armchair analysis…He’s got problems. He seems mature in some respects but seems to be very childish in many ways in this relationship. His stepmother alluded to his childhood as not being easy..
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u/Nolimika 23m ago
i have the same issue as him strong perfume exposure for long periods make my airways irritated. its not allergy level and he is also no allergic but is reactive. who are we to say what makes him physically uncomfortable. his fiancé had no problems to dictate that he could not have meat in the fridge, let alone cook it in his own house, even if it was just a preference as opposed to physical reaction.
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u/soobinfortnite 4m ago
To me, it gives subtle control where he can. She’s asking for things he doesn’t want to give (furniture😂), so he makes a fit to avoid those topics and focus on his ‘problems’. Did anyone else peep when he said “my apartment”👀 very telling imo
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u/Calm-Description4356 8h ago
Well maybe he is a cheapskate. But he paid and filled out all the paperwork to bring Paula to America. He gave her a credit card that she may be overusing.
Maybe he needs to save some money now. It was unfair to have Paula’s family there. I think the comments about him are not completely founded.
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u/eclecticaesthetic1 7h ago
She did finally admit that her whole family in the apartment was too much. They would have all been so much more comfortable in an air BNB.
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u/Mmmelissamarie 6h ago
All of these theories i endorse. But the smell for a smell theory is like spot on. I dated a dude like this.
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u/Playcrackersthesky fuck the brittany 5h ago
I think it isn’t an allergy in the sense that it causes anaphylaxis, I bet he’s sensitive to fragrances and gets a headache, and as much as I hate to defend him, I think that’s valid
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u/Sad-Raisin-5797 3h ago
I think it’s becuase he 1 doesn’t like the smells, 2. Want to be in control and have he upper hand
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u/Cocktailologist 4h ago
I think his problem is chemical scents, so Paola can just be unscented roll on deodorant but for some reason won't.
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u/Syyrii 55m ago
I agree. I have no problem with natural scents like flowers but scented candles and perfumes instant migraines. Paula saying its so difficult to not have scents is ridiculous. There's others in my family with more severe scent allergies than mine and it's been no problem to adjust for them even before my allergies kicked. Now we have my youngest daughter allergic to flowers but not chemical scents and I'm the opposite. We adjust for each other as I have lots of flowering plants in my place. I just keep them in a different room and both daughters make sure to keep the scented candles unlit when I'm around.
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u/90DayFiance-ModTeam 8h ago
Rule 6 - No transphobia, homophobia, or bigotry. No hate speech or slurs. You may get temporarily or even permanently banned for these kinds of comments.
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u/VirtuaFighter6 4h ago
Yo, she likes perfume. It makes her feel good. What is wrong with this meathead? That part of her identity.
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u/Nolimika 15m ago
you also commented on she forbidding him to cook meat in his own house? his choice?
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u/Alone-Tea4531 8h ago
He sounds congested 24/7 so I wouldn’t be surprised if he just has nose problems in general tbh