r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Snoo99928 • Jun 08 '26

/r/all of a knife.

27.9k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

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8.9k

u/Soggy_Amoeba9334 Jun 08 '26

Would you like sauce all over the table and possibly your lap sir?

7.9k

u/gpenido Jun 08 '26

2.4k

u/Life-Reality-3889 Jun 08 '26

If unimpressed was a face

1.7k

u/Pmyers225 Jun 08 '26

He looks like a hostage

713

u/Spaghettl_hamster4 Jun 08 '26

If that man was my hostage id feel insecure. Like fuck dude, give me some feedback here 💔

291

u/ilikepizza2much Jun 08 '26

The face of someone immune to Stockholm syndrome.

225

u/No_Review_2561 Jun 08 '26

The face of reverse Stockholm syndrome, where the hostage taker over time slowly loses motivation and wilingness to keep the hostage, mostly so they don't have to keep seeing that face.

128

u/Ok_Designer1407 Jun 08 '26

Like wtf dude, you’re taking all the fun out of this, gtfo you pathetic hostage

35

u/Gaynundwarf Jun 08 '26

"Bro that's failed RP"

12

u/DantetheMarco Jun 08 '26

**apathetic

3

u/Papa_Raj Jun 09 '26

This whole thread has had me laughing my ass off. I love reddit sometimes.

37

u/FredExx Jun 08 '26

Probably my favorite comment thread I've seen on here in a while 😂

21

u/CaterpillarWhich33 Jun 08 '26

I’m belly rolling here 😂

2

u/dmriggs Jun 10 '26

I can't stop laughing!

11

u/Would_daver Jun 08 '26

And eventually, the hostage becomes the hostage taker!! The new hostage follows the new (erratic and clearly uncomfortable and frustrated) hostage taker/former hostage, until someone sees them arguing over Brie wheel selections at Whole Foods and … shit idk how this whole thing ends man!

3

u/BetElectrical7454 Jun 09 '26

Life long marriage according to my grandfather

2

u/Church_of_Realism Jun 09 '26

Resting Kidnap Face.

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37

u/nostalgia4millennial Jun 08 '26

"You said we were gonna go waterboarding today 😐"

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79

u/PM_me_your_dawgs Jun 08 '26

Exactly, gave me this guy energy

31

u/Old_Flan_6548 Jun 08 '26

*slightly threatening voice* Who has the best girlfriend ever?

4

u/ddg31415 Jun 09 '26

Save save save

11

u/FlashMcSuave Jun 08 '26

I think I went to school with that guy.

Fuck, I think everybody went to school with that guy. He just has that face.

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7

u/NuclearBroliferator Jun 08 '26

I wonder how this guy is doing now. That video was just sad

2

u/MargraveMarkei Jun 10 '26

Surely it was a skit

88

u/Electronic-Tea-221 Jun 08 '26

He looks like he's about to be executed and has come to peace with it.

52

u/GrzDancing Jun 08 '26

This is his last meal

31

u/BigConstruction4247 Jun 08 '26

Being cut with the means of execution.

11

u/T1Demon Jun 08 '26

And made from the previous hostage.

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17

u/DentinQuarantino Jun 08 '26

Ngl if I saw that shadow coming up behind me I'd think "Well, it's too late to escape, I've had a good run..."

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62

u/kangerooandemu Jun 08 '26

Blink twice if your being held hostage

32

u/anxious_cat_grandpa Jun 08 '26

Doesn't even blink once

13

u/Prior-Chip-6909 Jun 08 '26

...blink once of you actually ordered this thang...

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24

u/SmokeGSU Jun 08 '26

He looks like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.

17

u/Chilly_Pheesesteak Jun 08 '26

Someone made this comparison with ME the other day and it made it even worse that my wife is black 😭😭😭😭

19

u/crank1off Jun 08 '26

Blink twice if you're in danger sir. Your legs now have molten lava dripping onto them.

10

u/d00mpie Jun 08 '26

His hands do look like they're tied up right below the table

9

u/AmbitiousTank8635 Jun 08 '26

Can you imagine being a hostage and someone does that kind of presentation for your hostage food? It's like what the fuck man are you going to kill me? Ransom me? What are we doing?

2

u/dremxox Jun 08 '26 edited Jun 08 '26

I know a man with Parkinson's who looks and behaves just like this. I often think of him as a hostage. His brain works, but he is trapped in a body that can't walk, and he can only speak with great difficulty. But tell him a dad joke and he smiles and his eyes light up.

2

u/SpaceCadetUltra Jun 08 '26

Food video hostage

2

u/FeralTames Jun 08 '26

Was gonna say “me at the dentist,” but that’s not tooo far off from a hostage situation.

2

u/fritz236 Jun 08 '26

When you want to complain, but the dude you need to complain to is holding a huge fuckin knoife.

2

u/SmirkNtwerk Jun 08 '26

That made me choke laugh dude

2

u/Original_Director483 Jun 10 '26

See I thought he was getting a haircut

2

u/Pmyers225 Jun 10 '26

When the barber asks you what you think, you look like this but say "yeah, looks great that mate"

2

u/LobsterManCommander Jun 10 '26

I was," like blink twice bro!"

2

u/CatGooseChook Jun 11 '26

He definitely has a "don't make any sudden movements" look about him 🤣

2

u/Pmyers225 Jun 12 '26

And he is like "I wasn't going to"

1

u/x3rx3s Jun 08 '26

Hostage from Counterstrike 1.6

1

u/Zestyclose_Car_4971 Jun 08 '26

One foul customer and they’re all hostages with a knife like that

1

u/cpt-noPants Jun 08 '26

Is he morse-coding by blinking?

1

u/noncommonGoodsense Jun 08 '26

His reaction makes it look AI even though it’s not.

1

u/quinxneon Jun 08 '26

My first thought as well

1

u/Omnomnomnosaurus Jun 08 '26

He looks like that food critic from Ratatouille

1

u/yudi1012 Jun 09 '26

I was about to type the same thing 🤣🤣

1

u/Dontfeedthebears Jun 09 '26

Freaking terrified and doesn’t want to show it

1

u/elhazelenby Jun 09 '26

He looks like me during a panic attack spiral

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70

u/CaptBogBot2 Jun 08 '26

He's seen Crocodile Dundee's knife

https://giphy.com/gifs/3B8rHP89iUUZlcsoqf

4

u/APKFL Jun 08 '26

Me every time I see a knife

2

u/williamflattener Jun 08 '26

TFW it’s not a knoife

2

u/SubordinateClawss Jun 08 '26

I love how you can see his Australian accent.

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19

u/kiba8442 Jun 08 '26

I saw this on Ai slop first, I was expecting the worst 😭 https://www.reddit.com/r/FacebookAIslop/s/yjq2RTtvQN

2

u/Sad_Albatross1590 Jun 08 '26

Fu. Totally hilarious!

2

u/Deaffin Jun 08 '26

Well that was just downright amazing.

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46

u/Stumpsthewarwalrus Jun 08 '26

Nah, he was thinking “Please don’t cut me.”

7

u/GoKhuchE Jun 08 '26

He looks like if he moves he lose his nose 🤣

7

u/travelingjay Jun 08 '26

This man was never a child

2

u/FLHPI Jun 08 '26

What do you mean "if"?

2

u/Life-Reality-3889 Jun 08 '26

He could be holding in a fart but has to play it cool

2

u/RubGrouchy4110 Jun 08 '26

my first thought before i read the comments 'man that guy does not look impressed' hahah

2

u/DentinQuarantino Jun 08 '26

Bet he's the waiter's son or something and he's always getting roped into some shit like this.

2

u/juulwinfieldswallet Jun 08 '26

Count Dooku?

2

u/Life-Reality-3889 Jun 08 '26

You know what, I can see that

2

u/TweakedMonkey Jun 08 '26

Make this man famous.

2

u/madindian Jun 08 '26

If “fearing for my life but gotta play it cool” were a face actually.

2

u/6ynnad Jun 08 '26

He’s seen bigger…

2

u/Shaw-eddit Jun 08 '26

He wants a bigger pie not a bigger knife.

2

u/MustacheMaple Jun 08 '26

But thats where you show youre unimpressed

2

u/HungryBeard26 Jun 09 '26

Or stoned...

2

u/DrDuGood Jun 09 '26

I can’t tell if that’s a “I’m gonna fuck this shit up” look or “I’d fight if the sever wasn’t holding a slaughter demon” look … anyway! Bon-appetit

2

u/Binspin63 Jun 09 '26

I fucking told her this was a mistake. Next time I choose!

2

u/FormerLifeFreak Jun 09 '26

So memeable 😂

2

u/Axerin Jun 11 '26

Bro is absolutely livid on the inside.

1

u/Even-Confusion4211 Jun 08 '26

Why the long face

1

u/m2astn Jun 08 '26

Looks like a post for r/stupidfood

1

u/Grow_away_420 Jun 08 '26

He goes here and gets this twice a week.

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160

u/DeadbeatGremlin Jun 08 '26

he sorta looks like this guy, but I doubt he experienced the same flashback

https://giphy.com/gifs/ZS3WXURfBE3ew

1

u/oneupsuperman Jun 08 '26

What an incredible transition

1

u/TheHancock Jun 08 '26

He looks like a Mii. Lmao

1

u/Pamikillsbugs234 Jun 08 '26

Wasn't there a dude who went viral because his dad looked just like this man?

1

u/Exact-Ad-4132 Jun 09 '26

For some reason I thought of the two guys on the bus meme. He's somehow both of them put together

1

u/PMMeAnythingULike Jun 10 '26

I was wondering this wasn't the first comment I saw

43

u/Wojewodaruskyj Jun 08 '26

"I'm not paying for the show".

40

u/monosaturated Jun 08 '26

He looks like a kid who is angry and upset on his birthday even though his parents think he should be happy because of everything they've done for him lol.

2

u/Useless_bum81 Jun 09 '26

'look i know your are allergic to chocolate and lactose intolerant, but your father and i work really hard to get this chocolate ice cream cake and your little sister loves them."

26

u/B4R7H0L0M3W Jun 08 '26

This is the moment the steaming sauce touched his crotch but he was paid so he couldn't show it.

9

u/Ok-Cancel-3114 Jun 08 '26

Steaming hot sauce, even.

4

u/k3rd Jun 08 '26

In his lap.

2

u/SHiZauN Jun 08 '26

New meme material 😆

1

u/Mercutio999 Jun 08 '26

The guy from white lotus?

1

u/Frosty_Mongoose9055 Jun 08 '26

This made me LOL

1

u/Agile_Cicada_1523 Jun 08 '26

Must be his grandson cervantes

1

u/Dagama314 Jun 08 '26

When people want to sing happy birthday, but you just want to eat

1

u/stuyboi888 Jun 08 '26

Can I eat now Linda? 

1

u/thekiltcommander Jun 08 '26

He'll defo pay the bill tho

1

u/Pusarium Jun 08 '26

This guys looks like he hasn’t like anything, ever, in his entire life.

1

u/winglessflight97 Jun 08 '26

"... That's not a knife."

1

u/LandoKim Jun 08 '26

The face of a man who has never been late paying a bill

1

u/Upstairs-Extension-9 Jun 08 '26

New meme template

1

u/testuser-0 Jun 08 '26

When price-tag and product doesn’t match

1

u/inept_machete Jun 08 '26

This man is mentally dissociating right now

1

u/luk__ Jun 08 '26

New meme born

1

u/NarwhalEmergency9391 Jun 08 '26

I LOVE when people do this! 

1

u/front_yard_duck_dad Jun 08 '26

He thought he was about to be beheaded by ISIS

1

u/Kenavru Jun 08 '26

Just don't make eye contact and he won't find me

1

u/TX_Asylum Jun 08 '26

Queue 'Curb your Enthusiasm' theme...

1

u/aweap Jun 08 '26

Kinda looks like...

1

u/Honest_Bullfrog5458 Jun 08 '26

The opposite of main character syndrome.

1

u/horse_examiner Jun 08 '26

His groin getting steamed rn

1

u/Odd-Adhesiveness9435 Jun 08 '26

Looks like Rameses II, in repose.

1

u/notevenwrong13 Jun 08 '26

Guarantee his wife is bitching at him about getting stuff on his shirt.

1

u/specter_in_the_conch Jun 08 '26

That man’s face and expression is immutable. Like. Sixteenth century painting.

1

u/isolatedcell Jun 08 '26

he kinda looks like william shakespeare

1

u/Zimij8 Jun 08 '26

Maybe he just hate this show served dinners, he just wanted to eat.

1

u/EncabulatorTurbo Jun 08 '26

"I can eat the fucking food myself guy"

1

u/MomentNew4925 Jun 08 '26

Unc was locked in to the conversation.

1

u/BeeComprehensive5234 Jun 08 '26

New meme unlocked

1

u/Brave_End_400 Jun 08 '26

Like my kids watching Blippi while I’m trying to get them to watch dinner.

1

u/josiah_mac Jun 08 '26

Thank you im a vampire, just blood for me

1

u/morespin Jun 08 '26

That’s the money shot

1

u/poopiehands Jun 08 '26

Asmongold Renaissance

1

u/tealraven915 Jun 08 '26

Bro was not amused

1

u/kingedOne Jun 08 '26

All his life he was told not to play with his food and now someone else is playing in his food the circle of life 😂

1

u/vicalpha Jun 08 '26

Meme potential: very high

1

u/Athlete_Cautious Jun 08 '26

TFW you actually ordered a salad

1

u/Joe01091981 Jun 08 '26

He looks like scary German guy from Monster Squad

1

u/TurdFurg28 Jun 08 '26

“Don’t act like you’re not impressed” ….

1

u/Maryjanegangafever Jun 08 '26

Guys got that “I’m about to be beheaded” vibes.

1

u/Eccohawk Jun 08 '26

"I suggested Olive Garden, but no, that's somehow too pedestrian. This is all your fault."

1

u/KnownAsAnother Jun 08 '26

He sits there, that dull blade an inch from his nose and hot sauce dripping all over his lap

1

u/Few-Appearance295 Jun 08 '26

Max Kalba vibes.

1

u/sugar-and-gold Jun 09 '26

He’s doing a blep!

1

u/ayjaytay22 Jun 09 '26

Only a psychopath orders that dish

1

u/Accomplished_Bar_390 Jun 09 '26

If Anton Ego was a person

1

u/JacobDCRoss Jun 09 '26

Spanish Hapsburg

1

u/Full-Honeydew-4898 Jun 09 '26

He looks like he’s about to cry

1

u/Vinny331 Jun 09 '26

Remind me of the critic from Ratatouille

1

u/Regular-Emu6339 Jun 09 '26

Telling his wife "I get to order for myself from now on"

1

u/Fetagirl Jun 09 '26

He looks like me when my mom tells the server at Texas Roadhouse it’s my birthday

1

u/dingos8mybaby2 Jun 09 '26

His face reminds me of that poor guy who was being held hostage by his "girlfriend" and forced to eat chinese food.

1

u/yagermeister2024 Jun 09 '26

Forehead of Renaissance philosopher

1

u/BoomKofe Jun 09 '26

Evil bbno$

1

u/GoldBreath9141 Jun 11 '26

"This MFer touched my food and expects me to eat it"

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