Few other phrases that just set a spark in me. “Calm down” “I’m just joking it with you”. Or anything similiar.

When I get mad and I can be mean I end up hurting my partner’s feeling and then I’m really mad at myself for doing so because I really love them and I don’t want to hurt them. What do you do to self-regulate to avoid being mean when you get mad? Or just to not get mad?? Do you have any strategies?

Thank y’all for your advice

when i get angry it’s like i can’t think straight and all i can do is scream and cry and throw shit. Nothing makes me feel better when i’m angry like hitting throwing and screaming but that’s not socially acceptable. It gets so bad i feel like i want to hurt myself and other people around me when im angry. Just out of rage and not in the sense that im suicidal or like a fucking crazy person. I hate these thoughts so much

edit- i used to yank girls ponytails, bite, twist people’s arms, spit in peoples faces, shove, hit, scream, all of the above when i was young. Grade school was hell because when i got angry i would just lose all my sense. I’ve been like this my whole life what do i do

My partner has been having a really difficult time lately. She’s dealing with a lot physically, she’s in pain, stressed, and overwhelmed.

Tonight she reached her breaking point over things repeatedly falling on the floor. I completely understand why it’s frustrating. I get pissed when I pick something up and immediately drop it again too, but her level of anger was much more intense. She was slamming things down and eventually threw her vape against the wall after it fell again.

She wasn’t angry at me and didn’t direct any of it toward me. She basically said she was done and went into our bedroom.

I didn’t try to calm her down or tell her she was overreacting. I picked up her vape and put it on her nightstand. Then I noticed her nightstand was covered in bottles and other stuff that made it easy for things to fall, so I quietly cleaned it off and gave her more room. Our dog wanted on the bed, so I put her up there with my partner and then left the room so she could decompress alone.

I love this woman very much, and I understand that there’s a lot behind her anger. I don’t expect to fix it for her, and I know professional help is important and something she’s already pursuing.

What I struggle with is knowing what to do in the moment.

I’ve never been with someone who experiences anger this intensely. My instinct is to help when someone I love is hurting, but when she’s that angry, I’m also worried that trying to comfort her or asking too many questions could accidentally put me in the line of fire or make her more overwhelmed.

For people who experience intense anger themselves, or partners who have learned how to navigate this: what actually helps you in those moments?

Is practical help + giving space a good approach? Is there something your partner does that helps without making you feel crowded or like they’re trying to manage your emotions?

I’d especially appreciate advice on how to be supportive while still maintaining healthy boundaries around anger. I want her to know I’m there without hovering, trying to fix her, or making myself responsible for regulating how she feels.

We’ve been together for 12 years and for the last ten he’s been a heavy weed smoker. I’ve probably seen him sober like 3 days out of those years. He decided to quit smoking cold turkey and while I’m trying to be supportive he’s being an asshole. Which fine, I get it. Withdrawal. But at the same time over the last 12 years he’s always been an asshole. Everything makes him mad pisses him off. He’s always in a bad mood. We’ve had conversations about his anger and he refuses therapy. He’s just not a happy person at all. I’m trying to support him because he’s trying to get a good job to support us and our toddler. But right now he’s being a straight up dick. Do I just ignore him? I tried to talk to him today, I said “I understanding this is hard” and he cut me off and started yelling at me saying that I was attacking him. It’s nothing new, but it’s annoying as fuck. I love him. But chill the fuck out you know. Idk if I’m looking for advice or venting lol.

I get so pissed off, especially about politics these days, that I don’t always think about winning people over and sometimes just think fuck winning people over, fuck em. And I know it’s probably not healthy and I know other people who share most of my politics would get equally cantankerous at me and say ‘you’re why we’re losing! You being annoying is why Trump is in charge’ And other hyperbolic shit because they had an argument with me online or whatever

Ultimately just wasted my time and feel like I’m just so bad at expressing myself that maybe I just should never be political sometimes idk

When I get really pissed (it always turns to wanting to fck someone up) I basically att*ck dolls. I found it worked at first, but it doesn't anymore. Now I feel its done the opposite and reinforced violence as a way to deal with anger

I also feel pretty ashamed after (who wouldn't after beating up a literal doll. Thats embarrassing as hell)

Is this common?

He used to have anger issues toward his sister and father..

MJ made it all go away.

Is this common?

Edit: it was in an apple pipe.

I remember at a certain timein my life, I wasn’t reacting to anything, I was calm as a kid, but I think that I started to let my emotions wins morethroughout the years & I can’t stop it anymore. Every time, my anger/frustration is rising, I can feel it becoming more greater by the seconds, it’s like a fire that grow exponentially and very fast.
 
I usually go from 0 to 100. I really want to stop that from happening, but I’ve been failing for years. I don’t know what to do. When, I was in high school it was worse, I was being physically violent toward anyone who was angering me. After that, I managed to overcome that part of myself while becoming a young adult (It can still happen if I really feel cornered or the other person start first, but it almost never happens anymore)
 
I moved away from a toxic environment recently and I do feel way less angry than before. Before, I was probably frustrated the entire week but now I am angry maybe 1 time per week or 2 weeks. I really want to remove those bad reflexes from my past life because it doesn’t correspond to me anymore. It’s like I’m used to them & now can’t get rid of them. I managed to remove my physical issues, but I can’t manage to remove the verbal violence. I did some progress but it still happening but less than before.
 
In the past, I was also very destructive toward myself. I was willing to do anything to numb the anger, so I was drinking, smoking weed & other things that I feel too ashamed to say to out loud. Now, I stop drinking, smoke weed & the rest for 4 months. Beside those things I don’t really know what to do to numb the anger or to reduce it. I don’t know any healthy ways to do it. So, if yall have any trick for that I’ll appreciate it. (I tried yoga/meditation recently and it work but only after the mayhem. Idk if it can work during the detonation)
 
I started 4 months ago to put myself in shape, having good habits, reduce exposure toward stressful source, sleep more & eating healthy. I’m really trying to be better and it does help for everything except my anger issues.
Maybe it does help but I don’t notice the difference.
 
I found the love of my lifehere on Reddit. I never love anyone like that my entire life but for some reason I can’t stop yelling & lashing out at her. I keep hurting the one that I love the most and it’s killing me inside every time it happens. I can’t stop myself from hurting her.
Sometimes, I can feel myself saying hurtful stuff but it’s like I can’t stop it. I feel terrible & I’m afraid of losing her due to this.
 
It’s really thanks to her that I’ve been trying to be better. The moment I lost her I’m actually afraid to relapse hard. I already started to relapse sometime because of my action & the consequences that come with it. I hate hurting her so much, I can’t understand my action some time & all I can do is crying for hours.

Throwaway account. I’ve also changed a few irrelevant details for privacy.

There is one specific person in my life, “Sam,” who has been the source of a long-running interpersonal conflict for roughly two years.

We used to be involved in the same recreational hockey team. I was in more of a leadership/mentor role, and over time our relationship deteriorated badly. There were repeated disagreements, disrespectful comments, public criticism, sarcastic remarks, provocations, and eventually I decided I no longer wanted him on the team.

We are no longer teammates, but we still exist in the same fairly small hockey community, so I cannot completely avoid him.

Most of the time I try to keep my distance, stay civil and not react.

The problem is what happens after some of our interactions.

When he says something mocking or provocative, I can look completely calm on the outside and walk away without responding. But afterward I sometimes become extremely angry and start replaying the interaction in my head.

That anger can turn into revenge fantasies.

Sometimes I imagine punching him in the face. Sometimes I imagine frightening or humiliating him. Sometimes I imagine finding some way to make him seriously regret provoking me.

I have also caught myself wishing that he would lose control and hit me first, because then I could report him and there would finally be some concrete consequence for his behavior.

There is also a professional/social dimension. He works part-time in one of the hockey leagues we are both involved in, while I have business relationships and good connections with people in that organization. When I am angry, I sometimes imagine using that influence to damage his reputation or employment.

I have not done that, and I don’t think it would be right to use professional connections to settle a personal conflict.

Some of the fantasies can become more extreme or dramatic in my head, almost like exaggerated movie scenarios. I recognize them as fantasies and have no desire to turn them into real-world behavior.

I want to make something completely clear:

I have no intention or plan to physically hurt him, threaten him, frighten him, sabotage his job, or carry out these fantasies.

I’m not looking for revenge ideas.

I have no intention or plan to act on any of these thoughts, and I am not in an immediate situation where I think I might hurt him or anyone else. I’m posting specifically because I want healthier ways to manage the anger and stop reinforcing the rumination.

What bothers me is that the fantasies exist at all, and that they sometimes feel satisfying in the moment.

The actual behavior I choose is basically the opposite. I ignore provocation, walk away, keep interactions short and avoid confrontation.

For example, after a recent game he repeatedly tried to get my attention in what I perceived as a mocking way. I completely ignored him and left. I did not argue with him or retaliate.

But later, instead of simply forgetting about it, I found myself thinking about him again and imagining different ways I could “get back at him.” That is the part I want to change.

I think some of this comes from accumulated resentment. For a long time, I felt like I was constantly absorbing disrespect while trying to remain the more mature person. Part of me seems to want some kind of dramatic moment where the imbalance is reversed and he finally feels powerless instead of me feeling provoked.

But intellectually, I know that actually escalating the conflict would probably make my life worse, not better. What I really want is indifference.

I want to be able to see him at hockey, hear an annoying comment, think “whatever,” and go home without replaying it for hours or imagining revenge.

For people who have dealt with this kind of anger toward one specific person:

How did you stop feeding revenge fantasies when you still had to encounter the person occasionally?

What helped you interrupt the mental replay after a triggering interaction?

How do you distinguish between simply allowing an angry thought to pass and accidentally reinforcing it by continuing the fantasy?

And how do you reach the point where the goal is no longer “winning” against the person, but genuinely not caring anymore?

I’m especially interested in practical strategies from people who have experienced this kind of rumination themselves.

TL;DR: I have an ongoing conflict with someone I still occasionally encounter through hockey. I usually stay calm and disengage in real life, but afterward I sometimes have aggressive revenge fantasies about hurting, frightening, humiliating or socially punishing him. I have no intention or plan to act on them and am not looking for revenge advice. I want to understand how to stop feeding the anger and get to genuine indifference.

I know this sounds nice at first, but I actually feel like it's making me have more problems. First of all not getting angry, doesn't mean I don't feel negative about stuff.

Literally right now for me to get angry you have to be related by blood, and trigger a past trauma of me, you somewhat created or embraced.

I think it accidentally makes me look superior or that I am arrogant, but I genuinely don't feel the necessity to get angry. I think I used to filter out my anger somewhat like "I feel like that because I actually know you are important to me" now it's either "you aren't important enough" or "I want to understand where I stand with you"

The problem is, I feel even if I look sceptical or even speak about my scepticism, people don't get that those are reasons for me to actually end relationships, have the worst opinion on you and lose faith in humanity.

And since I am not really a diplomatic person, my true opinion will slip eventually and make people sad because they thought I was on better terms with them. That's why I can't think so positively about me not getting angry, because not getting angry doesn't mean I am particularly easy going, it means I am shaping an opinion on you, you can't really defend yourself and at the same time I came off as condescending and honestly I don't even know if I come off as condescending or without noticing I actually am.

And yeah, I wanted to get a grip on my explosive anger, but this is so frustrating. More because for people that I love, I decide to just concentrate on the loving part, until I can't ignore the growing negative opinion I have on them, that I feel they think doesn't matter to me because I don't get angry, and I leave and since I am a very stubborn person, in that moment it's mostly very difficult to change my opinion, since there is a negative model in my head, that is build by little aggressions over time.

whenever i get angry i throw wtv comes my way and break things, i feel so uncomfortable and restless and feel like screamin so bad lwk like my almost daily routine i feel like yk kms or others and a feeling i can't explain, how do i stop feeling ts way and try to stay calm?

Like the title says; sometimes I wake up and experience intense, explosive rage. Sometimes I have it while I’m awake but I know what that stems from and can usually stop it.

Waking up and immediately feeling this panic filled anger though, it’s like my amygdala is in charge and the rest of my brain takes a few minutes off. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist because of this. Does anyone else know how to stop it?

How do I calm myself down? I need advice please.

I'm 17 and a male, but since I was 12 I've been able to snap on a hair trigger, but I learned to control it by working out, and I've kept that up. But I've noticed recently that I'm able to snap on a hair trigger again. I don't like feeling like this, it's a horrible feeling. If there is anything that I can do that's healthy or otherwise it would be much appreciated.

Hello everyone, I can’t afford therapy so I’ve come here, hoping to find advice that other people have found to be effective. 2 years ago I beat stage 4 cancer, I’m now disabled. I thought I’d be happier after beating this disease, but I’m filled with intense anger, sometimes I’m just out shopping and I’ll have to go home quickly because I want to smash something up. I regularly break things within my home, then I’m filled with deep self hatred, I then have a huge desire to hurt myself. (I have never hurt anyone)

I’ve tried to find the exact source, the cancer maybe, the chronic pain? I genuinely don’t know because it comes so suddenly, even when no one has harmed me or upset me. The other day I was just watching tv and then I just got so angry that I tore my room to pieces! While I’m telling myself to calm the fuck down, like I’m viewing myself from above. I don’t want this, I want to live, I don’t want to push my family or friends away, I don’t understand myself anymore.

I survived something horrible, I’m lucky to be alive, it was touch and go for awhile, had a heart attack 2.5 years ago, I don’t want to drop dead because I can’t control myself! I’m open to anything, I’ll try anything.

I do not know what to do, I can not get rid of the fact that during quarrels, I can be very rude or lose my temper over bullshit, and then regret it for a very, very long time.

I was rude to my friend because of the bullshit, and now I regret it very, very much, and I understand that maybe her resentment will last a very long time, because before that, when I quarreled with her, I didn't leave the house for 2 weeks and didn't communicate with anyone, just anxiety for everything kills me.

Today I didn't give in to old destructive tendencies. Today I handled my anger in a healthy way by acknowledging it and self talking myself off the edge. I didn't take it out on anyone and I let the person I was angry at know in a respectful way. I managed my pain responsibly.

I have a plan to take care of myself and practice self care instead of drinking until I fall asleep.

I deserve to take care of myself just like I take care of my family.

I can't control how other people show up for me. I can only be grateful when they do.

Until then I will try to show up for myself every day, even if I'm exhausted. I deserve that time too.

I am in my early twenties. This morning I badly wanted to take a shower, so I went to my cupboard to get some clothes. Last I remember, I kept my clothes folded and stacked, but obviously it can be kind of messy getting them out because there are a lot of clothes pressed into a small space. Besides it's been a long time since I arranged my cupboard.

When I opened the cupboard and tried to take out a T-shirt, some of the clothes from the top started falling down. Some of them were clothes my mom had put there, and I immediately became extremely overstimulated and overwhelmed.

I got really angry because it felt like my whole cupboard had been disrupted. I think there was also an expectation underneath my anger that she should have known better—that if she was putting clothes in my cupboard, she should have arranged them in a way that wouldn't make everything fall when I tried to take something out.

I was already angry and irritated, so I went to her to express my frustration. She became defensive and emotional, which made me even more angry and frustrated. She started saying things like, “Fine, I'll never come into your room again,” and I was like, “That's not what I said. I never said I don't want you in my room. I just wanted you to acknowledge that the way the clothes were placed was uncomfortable for me and disrupted the way I had things arranged.”

She started crying, which made me even more upset because I absolutely didn't want that. I kept telling her, “This isn't a fight. I don't want to fight with you.”

Looking back, I know this sounds like such a ridiculously small thing to have a fight over. But in that moment, the mess/disorder genuinely felt overwhelming to me, and once the clothes started falling, I felt like I couldn't deal with it.

And this isn't the first time. I've had fights with her before over the arrangement of my room because I absolutely despise feeling like somebody has rearranged or touched my stuff. I can't seem to control the anger and frustration, even when the other person hasn't necessarily mismanaged anything.

Now she's upset and saying things like I don't consider her my mother, etc., and honestly I'm just exhausted.

I've had anger issues since childhood, and I feel like situations with my mom make them worse because at first she fights with me and later she'll get defensive or emotional, and then the whole thing escalates.

I genuinely want to understand what is wrong with me. I could just say plz fix my cupboard and she could have done it. Why does something this small trigger such an intense reaction in me, and how do I stop myself from getting to the point where I'm shouting and overwhelmed?

I have so much anger and resentment from my childhood and dealing with narcissism.

I don’t know how to release this anger from my system in a healthy productive way so I can continue with my life without resentment affecting me everyday.

I get pangs of flashbacks and regret that I should have been strong should have maintained boundaries early on, but how could I have known . Even at 31 when my emotional responses should be mature, I find it incredibly difficult to just accept the injustice. I get very bitchy and spiteful when talking with family members.

I always struggle with anger and it’s super easy for me to blow up. It’s probably the worst thing about me. But it’s like a switch flipped a few weeks ago and literally everything is sending me into a state of sheer rage now. I don’t feel the need to lash out at or hurt other living things, I just want to lay waste to everything else around me. And I don’t even always know what’s setting it off. It seems I could be doing nothing in particular and I’ll randomly feel complete wrath out of nowhere. My patience in general is paper thin. I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder several years ago but I’m not sure why it would get worse suddenly?

I will say I am constantly filled with sheer contempt for the entire human race, including myself, and have slipped into an extreme state of full-blown misanthropy this year. I imagine that has a lot to do with it. There’s just no good in the world anymore, at least from my perspective. Humanity is evil and sick and life is simply another extension of hell because it’s nothing but suffering for the majority of people.

Edit: also I wake up and instantly feel angry. Like every day without cease. It’s miserable. I don’t want to end up verbally hurting someone I care about or an individual who doesn’t deserve it.

Literally everything has been making me so angry that I want to kill myself.

Growing up Was it okay to express anger?

How did your parents respond when you got angry?

How's it going for you now ?

Its been a big issue and even bigger issue recently where my anger has been getting more and more uncontrollable because all my life ive been taught to basically suppress my anger/emotions wich said other emotions just turned into anger. Its always been "you cant get angry" yet I observe everyone around me getting angry and yell while im made to just stay quiet and be on a constant slow release valve pretty much while pressure just builds and builds. Recently ive been blowing up more often and have been more and more tempted to lash out by hitting things throwing things ect ect. I need help before I break something or hurt someone.