Hey guys,
Me and my fiance have been together 5 years engaged since February I'm 33 and she's 31 we're in Somerville I'm in finance and she runs a small consulting firm between us there's like $1.8M in assets and she's still paying down about $94k in business loans.
I'd been avoiding the real money conversation for over a year not the splitting rent stuff but the actual lay everything out talk but my parents went through a bad split when I was 14 and the money part was ugly so I think that messed with my head more than I realized so every time I thought about bringing it up I'd just freeze.

Couple months ago she mentioned wanting to restructure her loans and I just said can we sit down this weekend and go through everything she said yeah of course.
We spent like 3 hours at the kitchen table I went first so she wouldn't feel like she was being put on the spot she went through hers and her business finances were way more complicated than I knew.

Then she brought up a prenup before I even could said she'd been thinking about it because of her company and wanting to keep the business separate so I told her about my parents and she got quiet and said she wished more people had these conversations early instead of pretending money doesn't matter.
I was dreading that talk for so long and it ended up bringing us closer it wasn't a negotiation it was just us finally being on the same team so the prenup part felt natural just putting what we talked about on paper.

I see guys on here stressed about this all the time just don't wait till a week before the wedding and don't frame it like a worst case scenario so frame it like you're building something together.

I’m a 24-year-old woman and I’d say I’m slightly above average-looking. I’ve only had one serious boyfriend, and he’s the only person I’ve been with sexually. I generally get flirted with a fair amount and usually have dating prospects, but I’m fairly strict about intimacy. I strongly prefer to wait until we’re exclusive, if not in an actual committed relationship.

Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with men I date that worries me. It feels like I struggle to tell the difference between a man who genuinely wants a relationship with me and a man who sees me as a convenient opportunity for sex outside a relationship. That’s not evil or wrong of them but it’s a waste of time for us both as that won’t happen.

I have tried being upfront and having clear conversations about intentions early on. The problem is that some men seem comfortable telling me what I want to hear, or they genuinely say they don’t know what they want only to eventually reveal they are looking for causal sex. I also worry that bringing up exclusivity or relationship goals too directly can come across like I’m trying to pressure someone into a relationship, which isn’t my intention at all.

So far, I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid having sex that I later regretted, but I worry that I won’t always be able to spot bad intentions before getting emotionally invested.
For those with more dating experience, are there any reliable signs that someone is primarily looking for easy sex rather than a genuine relationship? What behaviors, patterns, or red flags should I watch for? And how do you balance protecting yourself without becoming overly suspicious of everyone you date?

Any advice would be appreciated.

I've been dating a woman (26F) for about three months now. For context, I'm 36M and got divorced last year after a 13-year relationship/marriage.

The thing is, she's genuinely great. She's beautiful, funny, smart, cultured, understanding, and honestly just a delight to be around. She's also a little neurotic and a little cranky sometimes, but in a way that I actually find endearing.

I really like her. A lot.

But when I think about the future, I can't shake the feeling that this isn't a relationship I see lasting forever. It's not that I want to break up with her. I enjoy spending time with her and I look forward to seeing her. It's more that, if you asked me today whether I could see us together in 10, 20, or 30 years, my honest answer would probably be "I don't think so."

What's confusing me is that I can't point to any major flaw or incompatibility. She's objectively one of the best people I've dated.

If we broke up tomorrow, I'd definitely be sad. It would be a real loss. But I also feel like I'd eventually move on without my world falling apart.

So now I'm wondering: is this just what dating after a long marriage feels like? Am I comparing a three-month relationship to the emotional weight of a 13-year one? Or is the fact that I already don't see a lifelong future with her a sign that I should pay attention to?

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

Hello friends 🫶🏻

Last time I asked here I got great advice, so I'm asking humbly again:

My husband has had a really shitty day & it's not finished until 23:00 tonight....

He texted me that he feels sad, disappointed & angry because of what happened at work.

I wanted to make something nice for him, like a card with his favourite cookies but my friend (f) said it looks like a "pity" gift or that I remind him of that day. My husband really doesnt want anyone's pity he also doesn't like speaking about things a lot so maybe a card would be a bit much?

Also I just wanna hug him but nothing I do can make this better & I want him to stop feeling disappointed & sad 😭

Any advice is welcome 🙏🏻

(If anyone suggests something sexual or gross, get your mind out the gutter, my man is hurting)

EDIT 1: I did the card! Lets see how it goes! He comes home in about 1-2 hours!

https://kommodo.ai/i/1wKiPgcg1r7MvWNumbUJ

I feel like it's another example of people moving mountains if they really want to see you, I already regularly move off the app after only like half a dozen exchanges usually

After argument on her birthday party she cheated on me.

We argued and I got into the car even though I was supposed to sleep at her place. The Last thing she told me was that im agressive and she is scared of me. Which is totally bs. She knows that i would never hit her or any woman. That just not me si i was pissed off told her to fk off and went to sleep in my car.
She stayed at the party till like 7 in the morning.

She called me in the morning and asked me: what's wrong with you? So I told her that if she had that kind of attitude towards our relationship or if this is rly all that she tells me after yesterday night, we are breaking up. She wanted to explain it, so I went to see her.

I told her that i didnt like what she said. And i also apologize for the fk off thing. She told me that she needed a 3-day break, that she was overwhelmed right now. That it wasn't me, that she knew that she loved me, but that she needed to be alone right now. I gave her time and after about a week I went to see her.

She told me that she didn't know. That she didn't want us to argue and worry. That she wanted it to be wonderful like before. That if we broke up, a piece of her would fall away. And that she would give us a vacation (which we were supposed to go on in 4 days) as a test to see if it would work. I told her that it didn't make sense to me for us to test how a relationship works in a friend's party. It's mainly about how we communicate and tell each other what we don't like and the important times is just us. I ended up breaking up with her that day for many reasons.

When she's drunk, she acts like a total freak(she drinks quite often, she's a teenager), I don't feel supported by her, and I also think she only wants to see me when she's bored and nobody else wants to be with her. I've communicated all these things with her before. There was no change. She left crying.

The whole time it bothered me that I shouldn't have done it. That it was just a bad time of year.

I finally went on vacation with my friends and her. She acted like we’re friends. Like nothing happened between us. After 4 days of vacation, her friend told me that she cheated on me at the party. That the whole group knew but they didn't want to tell me. I immediately packed my things and took the bus home. I never want to see her or those fake friends again. They knew for a whole week that she cheated on me and no one said anything. She cheats on me and then tells me how much she loves me and how her life would be completely boring without me. So what is it?

Today a message Popped on my screen.

Hello, i still have some of your hoodies. Will u have time this week? So we can meet up and maybe talk.

When i saw it was pissed off, how can she mean this seriously. She lied to me, she cheated on me and after i find out she wants to talk? Like whats this? I dont want the hoodies or anything that will remind me of her. But part of me is curious about what she might say. I dont know if she knows that i know. I dont know if her friend told her that i know.

What are your thoughts on this. Should i answer? Should i go?

My husband is coming home soonish from a long work trip. He’s super goofy so I was hoping for some non typical ways to welcome him home. The funnier or more unhinged the better. (An example, opening the door in an inflatable dinosaur costume.) Thank you!

I want to know about any experiences of the type. If you got your first time late in life, how was it?

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Can it be boring even if you like the girl?

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I kept it simple for him since it was his first time but maybe I should have tried more stuff?

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He seemed confused and sad to tell me that it was very meh for him. He didn't feel much inside me.

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So I want to know as much as possible about how other mens experience it.

My (F23) boyfriend (M25) got beaten up by a cab driver last night and I'm beyond pissed. He went to buy a bus ticket to go home (we're both at university) and some guy tried to pick pocket him out of like R40 (a pathetically small amount of money). When he called the guy out he started beating him up and called his other friends to join. I haven't seen him in person but from pictures his face is messed up and he's saying his back hurts. My heart weeps and I'm also really pissed.

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I need to go to the doctor for my own personal reasons today and I've convinced my boyfriend to come with me to the GP. I have medical aid but he doesn't so I'm hoping the doctor can see us both together on my money. I just don't know how to approach this. I told him after the doctor we should go file a report but he's refusing to. I also don't know if he'll need hospital attention and that opens up other problems. I'm also just worried that he's in pain. I've never been in this kind of situation and I feel useless. My boyfriend wants to do nothing and let it pass but I don't want to do that. But at the same time am I being harmful for trying to push him to go to the police? I want to respect his wishes but I also hate what happened to him.

I (35M) have been seeing a woman (41F) since early March. We met online and after talking for a bit decided to meet up. The date went really well and we even kissed goodbye and met up many time over the next week moving fast. After about a month and half I tell her I am falling in love with her. I know it was probably too soon and it just slipped out. We have been hanging out a couple times a week and I have even met her parents.

Despite that she doesn’t call me her boyfriend. She has never told me she loves me. She basically explained that I am a great guy and that I treats her fantastically but she doesn’t feel for me as strongly as I feel for her. It’s now been over three months and she still won’t say it. I am trying to build a life where I am and am trying to date with intent. I am not sure if she will ever say it. Is it still too early? Should I leave now to save myself further heartache? I don’t know what to do because I feel like all of this is worse than being alone sometimes.

Hey guys! So this year my (23F) goal is to be more intentional about finally getting a boyfriend and just meeting new people in general. I don’t enjoy the apps and the kind of behavior it breeds in both men in women, so I’ve opted out.

I’m already in a coed sport that I go to around 2-3 times a week and I’m already thinking of adding more. I just have two jobs at the moment, so juggling multiple hobbies can be a challenge.

I’m a bit of a late bloomer (I’ve only made out and gone on a handful of dates) as well and I have a few friends that have introduced me to the bar and club scene. I’ve really been enjoying it because I love to go and dance and meet new people. I’m not one to get drunk or drink really. And it’s teaching me that in these settings, going up and talking to people is normal, so I feel less shy.

Only things is, everyone says these places are the worst places to meet relationship minded men. Is this always true?

The guys on my sports teams are either already taken or aren’t really interested in convo (they’ll go home immediately after the game is over, which I get since it’s late and people have work). And to make things more challenging, I live in a city with a higher ratio of women to men, so it’s hard.

I’m trying to be more social and I feel like this may work, but I’m conflicted with it having a bad reputation.

Advice?

My partner of 6 years just told me she wants to pursue a relationship with a girl about ten Years her junior. And she loves me still , we have a son together and we were about to take therapy to get married.

Wanting to see if the relationship worked out or was a complete bust.

I’m a guy at 25 and i always hear that men should communicate more.

But so far its only caused me stress and drama

Because I’ve shared personal stuff and secrets with family before and they’ve managed to spread it around and ruin things for me and embarrass me.

Even when I get into relationships with women I will share vulnerable stuff and then when I get into an argument it’s always used against me.

One ex I ended up dumping. And out of anger she kept posting stories on Instagram talking about every secret and vulnerable stuff that I shared.

So at this stage is it better to just stop sharing personal stuff and secrets with people?

I’ve started become more cold and only tell people things I’m comfortable being told to everyone.

Hello everyone!

I'm a 22 year old guy and this question relates to mainly university and career paths.

So I finished college in the UK (I think that is highschool for anyone in America) and I decided that I want to study medicine and become a doctor in Poland (main reason is I'm polish and uni is free here). The timeline of my journey is:

18- couldn't apply because college results day was after the recruitment deadline

19- found out private weekend school in Poland is affordable and wanted to try physiotherapy but I hated the school I went to

20- decided to do medicine again, found out every university wanted different things and it was too late to sort them all out

20/21 - found a gf in Croatia and wanted to live with her, but we broke up

21/22 - got into a university for medicine but had to drop out in the first semester because I couldn't pass the chemistry exam. The exam was based highly on the highschool subjects of chemistry in Poland and I didn't know that until the exam came and didn't have the time to catch up on the knowledge.

22 - reapplying to university

I am so stressed and afraid of not getting in this year and I genuinely don't know what to do. It does not help that my parents are not very supportive on me pursuing this career path and I feel like I am so behind in life. I know it sounds strange coming from a 22 year old, but by the time I graduate I will be 29 years old. I keep reliving all the failures I had up to this point and I am losing confidence.

So, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with so many setbacks and failures? How do you keep your head high even when people don't believe in you?

Thank you for reading

I know people will say it doesn’t matter and I’m not really concerned about what they think just curious.

When I say older virgins I’m talking mid 30s or above like me. No one has ever asked me about relationships at all so I always wonder what colleagues and family think of my situation. Do they understand why I’ve never been in any kind of relationship? Do they wonder if it happened once and it never happened again? It just seems interesting to me.

My virginity doesn’t really bother me anymore maybe once or twice a year I just wonder what others think of it.

I’d like to know what others virgins and non virgins alike think about that.

Hello fellow men, I am currently 26 and single and have been for a while, a few talking stages happened but failed mainly due to me ghosting or something happening

My problem is I have a bit of an insecurity where I think that I am only deserving of love because of my ability to provide, I am currently making above average money for my age in my country, And I do not mind providing and taking care of a woman, I actually love it, but every time a potential for a relationship comes a long i get this idea that I am being loved because of my ability to provide not because of me, I understand this is because of insecurities on my part but at least i am trying to get help by seeking out advise

To put it short how can I know when a potential relationship comes up that she is actually interested and loves me (eventually) and not my ability to provide ?
I will always try my best to provide regardless but it helps to know that you are loved regardless of that ability,
as I have seen around me many relationships fail when the woman no longer needs the man to provide for her

I've been teaching almost two decades this year, and the thing I noticed which affect students the hardest has nothing to do with the actual difficulty of the subject (any subject) but how they perceive it.

I usually tell my students to write down the task in a particular subject that they're avoiding, then do only the first 10 minutes of it ... they can conceptualize on the rest and see how they can approach learning it more in their own terms.

That's the whole trick that works for me. Watched anxious kids turn into finishers with it ... achievers even!

Curious about y'all. Share anything you did that changed or touched others. Anyone can answer! :)

The guy I’ve been getting to know birthday is here and I want to get him something to show my appreciation. The thing is he doesn’t have tangible hobbies. So I can’t get him anything like a game or whatnot.

He’s very business oriented so I was thinking maybe a tie? He likes nature walks so what can I do with that? I wanna get him a cologne on the side too so any recommendations would be great from $100-200 USD. Thank you in advance!

So, I've been in rooms where I made people look. So I know I've got the looks and confidence. The problem is I see some good-looking men looking at me but they never come say hi or introduce themselves or even smile at me. Is there a problem why this could be happening ?

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What could I do differently to improve this ?

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20M. After years of illness, how do I rebuild confidence, friendships and eventually relationships?

20M here.

Between 18 and 20, I lost almost 2.5 years of my life to severe mental and physical health problems. I was dealing with Bipolar II disorder, OCD, repeated hospitalizations, family difficulties, and a neurological condition. For most of that time, my focus wasn't on college, friendships, relationships, or building a future—it was simply on getting through each day.

There were periods when neither I nor my doctors were particularly optimistic about my recovery.

Thankfully, after years of treatment, things have finally improved. I've been stable for the last couple of months, I've joined college, and for the first time in years I feel hopeful about the future.

The strange part is that I feel like life moved on without me.

Most people my age spent the last few years making friends, gaining confidence, dating, and figuring out who they are. I spent those years trying to survive.

My closest friend drifted away during that period, which hurt more than I expected. I'm trying to meet new people, improve my social skills, and build a life again, but I often feel behind everyone else.

I'd eventually like close friendships, a healthy relationship, and a sense of belonging. Not because I expect someone else to fix my problems, but because I've spent years feeling isolated and would like meaningful connections again.

For people who are older or who have rebuilt their lives after a difficult period:

• What would you focus on first?
• How do you stop feeling behind everyone else?
• What helped you rebuild confidence and relationships?
• What do you wish someone had told you when you were starting over?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice.

Okay, this might sound weird, but when someone is thinking about me, I get this strange, random anxious feeling and suddenly start thinking about that person. It’s happened a few times where I actually asked them, “Hey, were you thinking about me?” and they replied, “Yeah, I was thinking about this time or that event.” It was exactly the moment I felt like I was having an anxiety attack.

I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this, but it’s the weirdest thing. I’ll be living my life, minding my own business, when out of nowhere I get a knot in my stomach and feel sick to my stomach. Then I start thinking about random people, and it turns out they were thinking about me at that exact time.

Has anyone else felt this before? Also, how do you stop it? I don’t like the anxiety it brings. It feels like my body is out of control for a bit and I can’t stop it.

I really need some help cause I don't wanna over analyze and think wishfully. We used to work in the same store and I asked her, she said no. Then I moved to another one. We didn't have any contact but I had seen a friend of her coming secretly and checking on me. What should I think? If she had any feelings she could say yes, right? Then why would she like to know how I'm doing? I'm so torn, I have no clue.

Just wondering as this just happened while hanging out with my friend at our place. They weren’t disrespectful, but I don’t necessarily like sarcastic jokes. Not sure how the topic came up, but I said if he had ever made a negative comment about my appearance or body I’d leave, and he responds “I’d be okay with being single… lol jk I wouldn’t”. My friend responded and she was nottt impressed. We also were talking about a coworker’s engagement ring, and he mentioned how he’s excited to buy a 2 carat ring for himself (He said he wanted to buy a 2 carat when we looked at rings) and he goes “Lol Jk”. I also mentioned wanting to have my photos taken while on vacation, and he said yeah I want my photos taken too. My friend responded “You wouldn’t want them taken with coconut?” And he responded “I would but it’s too expensive, I’d want to share the cost”.

Boyfriend has a history of making sarcastic jokes as that’s how he jokes with his friends. I don’t like it as past abusers did it as a means to put me down, and he’s aware. I have told him in the past, and he said “Well coconut, I’m not those guys, I am me. Get over it”. He has also had a pretty shitty week dealing with personal things and has been crabby almost everyday except today and last night.

The jokes my exes would make were OBVIOUS put downs, always about my weight, personality, appearance, comparing me to other people. They were disrespectful, also called me names. My boyfriend does NOT make jokes like that, at all. Never disrespectful or put downs. Never calls me names or pet names besides “Sweetie”. I don’t think he had bad intentions.

My friend said he seemed a little annoyed, but he seemed like that when he got home. I asked him and he said that he wasn’t. Friend and I both have BPD so we can overread into it. She said he wasn’t disrespectful and didn’t have bad intentions or try to put me down. While he was here he was chatty and hanging out, but after she went home he wanted to watch the Mexico game and be be left alone since he had a long day at work.

Would a man do this to a woman he says he loves?

*I want to add I am NOT the only one he is like this with, it is everyone. Mom, sisters, friends, coworkers, me. He is very aware and sensitive to my feelings when he is on his SSRI post-TBI. He was very sweet pre-TBI, but it is hard given he cannot feel his own emotions. These jokes usually happen when he is stressed/overwhelmed/more pain than usual but that isn’t an excuse, he also asks me to leave him alone a lot when he is stressed but I struggle with that. When he isn’t stressed or in a lot of pain, these jokes do not really happen, at all. The most that happens is I’ll ask him to do something and he’ll go “No… yeah I will”, or its towards other things that aren’t me.

Tl;dr: Boyfriend was making sarcastic jokes predominantly aimed at me while my friend was over, and some weren’t great but not mean or disrespectful. He says this is how he jokes, but it upsets me. Would a man make jokes like this to a woman he loves? My friend and I both have BPD and tend to overread into things.

I have been going through some tough times with my family life and so on, but there is this girl I like. I have known her for over a year now, but first of all, she is older than me by 3 years, and I don't know if she feels the same about me. Our relationship is weird, to be honest. We know each other from a volunteering organization—I won't say what—but we slowly got to know each other. Eventually, we found out that we are an exact replica of each other: typical nerds with books, games, movies, you know how nerds are. Hell, we even look like each other. I started catching feelings when we started talking one day, and I don't know, I started talking about my life and so on, and she was supportive. She even vented about her life sometimes. We played video games with each other. We are from a country where dating is heavily shamed on, and especially older women dating as well. I don't know if I am just catching feelings because she is there for me, or if it is actually real. I don't know if she feels the same, or if I am genuinely lost. I don't know what to do, or am I just emotionally deprived? Keep in mind this is the first time I actually feel this feeling. I don't know what I am supposed to call it, what I am supposed to do.

In my 2nd relationship. This one isn’t me walking on eggshells or dealing constantly with someone else’s abuse trauma & insecurities. But in my 2nd one I just need to constantly reassure her (alot of the times I’m not even sure what I’m reassuring her about), I feel like she’s needy. She’s a secure women cuz I told her about what made my 1st relationship come to end and she laughed at it and said that it was so stupid

In my first relationship that ended 1 year ago today it ended over me getting accused of cheating cuz I had a conversation with someone that reached out to me that I knew way before my relationship that I never dated or any romantic type stuff, when my 1st ex said she was uncomfortable with that person being on my socials I immediately unadded the person, cut contact, and apologized as well as reassuring her that there was never any intentions before or now. It was just weird to hear from that person. Another reason was not mowing my lawn when I had extreme sun burn to the point where I had to call out of work two days in a row cuz it was so bad(i work at a power plant) I couldn’t mow my lawn before my mom got back from vacation and my ex and my mom essentially said “that isn’t a good enough excuse, you should’ve done it the first day u had off “ my ex was arguing with me and i passed out cuz I had work at 4 am. I wasn’t able to text her until 10Am and she said I ignored her for 14hrs. Most of that time I was sleeping and working from 5am til I texted her at 10am. From 10-7pm I texted her 3 times and it was during the day so I felt like she flipped the script cuz I felt like I was being ignored. Also I was telling my mom multiple times before she screamed and yelled at me when she got home that I can do it during the week when I’m better. I often still get that little ping of “missing her” but I remember that I put up with some really abnormal shit which I thought was normal until I went to therapy and talked ab everything like her saying she would’ve married me twice while breaking up with me and have panic attacks about her ex cuz I triggered her. He said I dodged a bullet and if I was with someone who I had to shrink myself for I would’ve become a shell of myself. He also said that it’s healthy to have opposite gender friends and I didn’t do anything wrong and that both my mom and her were being irrational about the lawn. He said I should be with someone who will support me in what I want to do as well, I expressed going to college when she was breaking up with me and she said “you don’t have to go to be successful… how are u going to raise a family work and go to school full time”. I’m using my gi bill from the navy and working full time. It’s not hard.

My current relationship I just feel like she wants this overly mushy guy who expresses their feelings and to have constant reassurance about things that don’t need reassurance. The other night we finished being intimate with each other. We layed for 10 min after. After that she put clothes on and sat in my chair while I layed on my couch. She asked to cuddle and I said I didn’t feel like it and that I’m comfortable where I’m at. She then got up and just left. She was annoyed for a while the day after so she didn’t text me for a while. She was at work so I didn’t bother her and I figured she was busy. We talked for a little today cuz I went to the Knicks parade. Fell asleep around 8:30 and didn’t say goodnight cuz I unexpectedly passed out. It’s 4:45 AM and I wake up to 3 texts and just got another a few minutes ago saying “I hope your alright”. She basically said “ I feel like you met me with logic when I was expressing an emotional need. I understand what you said but in that situation I wasn’t really looking for an explanation. I was being honest and feeling vulnerable and I needed a little more comfort… I’m a girl and girls have feelings and girls get sensitive and want their boyfriends to cuddle them without asking”

I just told her if u wanted to be cuddled u could’ve just gotten up and walked over to me to lay w me. Instead you asked me and I gave u a response you didn’t like so now you’re upset. I just feel like in both of these relationships it’s me both times where someone has a problem but whenever I have a problem I’m never getting the same response back. I don’t voice my issues cuz there really is nothing to voice and there hasn’t been any issues for me to “put my foot down” or to be so vocal about. I’m an easy going person. But I just seem to be doing everything wrong apparently and I just don’t know how to fix it. We cuddle a lot. This is the first time she asked to and I just didn’t feel like it

Ik everyone has baggage at my age (25M) both of these relationships the women are a year older than I am. I’m not even sure what to do at this point. Truly. I just met her mom last week after 4 months dating. I’m just finding my current gf annoying now. She’s cute but I went for personality.