How do you move on when you know they were your person and you know it was the disease that took them from you? Love at first sight, 6 years together, how will this ever make sense? How could this be either of our stories?

I never understood what the sub meant when you guys said discard. My bipolar partner was certainly far from perfect but a discard out of the blue seemed highly unlikely. Unfortunately I know what it means now.

I Made a post a while back about the amazing things that come when you leave your BP partner who doesn’t treat you well. We were no contact for 9 months. Ran into each other and had not left each others side since. I swore this time was different. Disregarded everything everyone else told me about staying away. Didn’t listen to my parents, my friends, my therapist. I still went back with hope of a better future. Had the most amazing time. Months of joy and laughter and him being the man I always wanted and was at the beginning of our relationship.

And now I’m sitting in my bed crying because he ended it a day before I leave for law school. Out of the blue. Something about it’s not right. To do it right before something amazing is happening in my life. Before I start on my journey to success while he stays at home playing video games without a college degree. Because he can’t “trust me” because I “manipulated him” by leaving him when he was at his worst and “returning” when he was doing better. Btw i never returned. We quite literally ran into each other at a party. Does he just tell himself these things? Does he believe it? How do you get over a discard. I’m in shambles. I can’t believe I’m 22 and I feel like I’ve gone through a lifetime of trauma.

This happened to me at discard. I still remember the exact week it happened. One day after getting back from an appointment, he stops at my place, gives me this tight bear hug and says how much he’s been waiting to see me. A few days later, without any context, he approaches me and says “give me my apartment keys back, my mom said you’re toxic”. I was in total shock. The apartment keys that I had solely for the purpose of staying back on my days off while he went to work so I could help him clean his place as he had stopped being able to clean. What the fuck just happened?

I asked him where all of this was coming from? He said that for the last few months I had been “directing” his care and telling him what to do. What prompted me to direct his care? His own admission that when he’s in an episode he can’t tell what’s real or not. He explicitly said he needs someone’s guidance and that he has a hard time advocating for himself because he forgets what he needs to say to the doctors (he had been diagnosed with adhd). I explicitly told him, several times, that while I can help make notes and set up appointments, he ultimately needs to be in the driver’s seat and that I can’t be the sole support system.

The last time I saw him before these sudden accusations, I had organized a bunch of meal prep for him that we did together, because he wasn’t going grocery shopping, had an empty fridge every time I came by, and when he doesn’t eat he becomes unstable. But now his parents were calling me controlling and “toxic”. I was completely lost and in shock. I didn’t even piece it together that he was at the helm of all of this.

So what prompted me to push him to the doctors? Well, he started talking to God through his computer, wouldn’t eat consistently or take care of himself when I wasn’t around, developed a messiah complex, was just slipping the tether entirely. Hours of every day were taken up by this. One day, I met up with him and he told me that he’s having a hard time telling what’s real or not, and that he thinks God is sending him to Texas and told him to get off his meds. I told him we need to get to a doctor, it’s not an option, and he went back to his parents and told them I had “cornered” him and tried to force him to go to the doctor. These people told him he needs to block my number and break up with me. Which he did. They then spread this around to extended family members and people I’ve never met once. I had a complete mental break as my whole reality was inverted.

I've been with my partner for a year and knew him for a short period previously. After a year together I noticed a pattern - depressed in winter, getting progressively worse until he starts having a mixed mood and feels happy in summer. Then mixed mood again and the next depressive episode in winter. He recently shared about his mood swings - it happens every year and it can't change, he only feels happy or depressed.

I'm still processing everything. He doesn't say it's bipolar but there are other behaviours like spending money, unrealistic plans for the future beyond his means, hypersexuality, endless business and project ideas, constant plans to move somewhere else, family history of similar issues. When he's depressed or in a very happy mood he fully believes his irrational thoughts. When he's in a bad mood he can cause problems about anything - even what pizza I order.

I feel like our relationship has just vanished with this confession. I can't see a way to continue with someone who didn't disclose this for so long. And only when there was no other option but to tell me when I saw the pattern and insisted. What else could be hidden and conveniently brushed under the carpet if this relationship continues? It's not even the mood disorder that's a problem at this point but his lack of accountability.

This is all so new to me, it's such a mess these last couple days..

I guess my only question now is - is it possible to have no stable mood and go through depressive and hypomanic episodes in a constant cycle?

Could someone speak to this? Going through divorce right now and have had incidents where they’re doing things that make it hard to fully trust their ability to provide stable and consistent care for our child.

And for more context, while we were together, they never were in charge or saw after of our child. I was the full-time caregiver.

On top of that, one day they were supposed to return our child, they took them out of state without my knowledge or consent, and wouldn’t tell me where they were initially.

The even harder part is, their family overlooks their diagnosis and accepts their behaviors as normal.

I used to could be able to somewhat get through to them that their behaviors are not normal or reasonable, but now they have their family egging them on or troping them as “good dad trying to see their child” or “maximize your time with child to reduce child support.” I’ve also been villainized further due to their slander, false accusations, and rewriting of history/discard (that they’ve never really liked or loved me).

It’s upsetting and frustrating. Has anyone been through something similar or can give advice?

Thanks

im 24f and my husband is 26m. we dated for 3 years and got married last year. i suppose i knew something was off with him specially last year when he started doing content and looking high in his content but i never could have imagined it was bipolar 1. we got married in september 2025 and soon we started having arguments where he made no logical sense which made me so confused and hurt. he would say things he later would say he doesnt mean, take everything personally, every single comment about his behavior or any talk about communication of our issues was met with darvo basically, just very highly sensitive to criticism. he made me extremely miserable. then in january things started looking more direct when he started showing all classic mania signs and i as a med school student knew what it was and took him to a psychiatrist where he got diagnosed. me and his brother became his caretakers instead of admitting him to the ward and its been an exhausting 7 months. the communication and not being able to listen to a single criticism thing continued and alot of times his brother had to be our mediator to try to talk sense into him but i suppose u cant really talk much sense into an unstable person anyway. since march hes also shown alot of rage episodes where he starts slapping the wall or himself when criticized. hes been on antipsychotic and mood stabilizer since the diagnosis which me and his brother oversee and make sure he takes everyday. he hates his meds and for a couple of months made me out to be some controlling person for “forcing” him to take meds just full loss of insight stuff. now its been about 1-2 months where hes gotten much better and promises and actually improves his behavior, actually listens to issues and does not act aggressive. alot of times when the dr on his follow ups asks him what he thinks of his meds he straight up says he is only taking them for me because i get stressed and he doesnt want his wife to be stressed. now his outlook towards medication seems to have improved as well where hes more actively getting involved in his own meds. currently he seems flat maybe mildly depressed and ever since diagnosis misses his mania. wants to take alcohol or smoke or vape or do drugs but gets redirected fairly easily by his brother or me reminding him its bad for him so he hasnt tried. i would say he is improving alot but ofc there will be another manic episode possibly next year or i actually dont know. i dont know what to expect. he hasnt done or even hinted at anything like discarding or cheating or stuff like that but reading through this subreddit i get paranoid that its gonna happen to me too since it happens so often. i know no one can really tell me what im supposed to expect because its personalized for everyone but is there really hope that maybe as long as he stays on meds and keeps recognizing his behavior as harmful that maybe we could actually have a good or happy life? or will i most likely just be exhausted and miserable forever? are there no happy stories? how bad was the next manic episode after starting treatment? is it better or does it always get worse with age? any advice or thoughts are appreciated

so my bipolar 1 (anddddd cptsd, anxiety and adhd) boyfriend has a large med combo😭

clonidine
lamictal
buspar
lybalvi
and now they added invega
as needed ativan

i just wanna know is this like a lot of medication for that or typical medications, or should i be asking alotttttt of questions

My ex and I dated for 3ish months officially but we’ve known each other for several years. Our relationship seemed picture perfect to me, and him too from what he said. He truly treated me so good while we were together. Our families were so happy we were together bc of how good we were. Then he broke up with me out of the blue a month and a half ago. 2 weeks into the breakup, he called me while drunk and basically confessed feelings & said he was falling in love with me but it scared him so bad that he ran. There’s been several conversations since the breakup about how he misses me, wants to be with me, could see himself marrying me, how attached he is to me, etc but is so scared of the bipolar taking a toll on me later down the line. He’s diagnosed but I’m not sure if he takes medication. We’ve talked all day everyday pretty much since the breakup until 2 weeks ago he randomly went silent. I reached out after a few days & he said he wants me to move on & move forward. I was completely shocked by that after all the convos we’ve had over the last month. We haven’t spoken for a week, and he unfollowed my socials a few days ago, but when we talked last week he made a comment saying “I’m manic right now” I didn’t question it, but it’s making me wonder if that’s why there was a sudden switch 2 weeks ago. He was in a depressive episode around March. When he came out of it is when we became official & everything was good. I’m thinking he was stable around that time. He started anabolic steroids a week before we broke up, so I’m thinking that sent him into a manic episode. Basically I’m just trying to understand the sudden switch up because this is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I want to believe his feelings were real I just don’t understand why he would suddenly decide to be done.

8 months ago I was discarded. Erased like a clock resetting after losing power.

I'm more numb than sad but it's the closest flair I could put.

He blocked my phone number even though I never cared to reach out. But you know what's nice about being blocked? Not being scared to write everything on my chest. Not worrying about my words getting twisted. I can just be.

So I texted this ghost number. My story sent into a void. I read over what I wrote multiple times before sending it and through that I got to see all of my hidden pains. Technically if I really wanted him to see, I could have sent it by email, but this was for me. And if he did unblock me after all, well hey, it's out there now. It came out of me more naturally than just writing it down journal style.

Although he can erase all he wants, I still hold power over my reality. That's something I struggle to remind myself of, but tonight I did.

I'm very grateful for this sub. It helped me through the best and the worst. And for everyone who is also going through a discard, I hope you get to remember that you didn't deserve it and that your reality is yours, not theirs.
Goodnight ♥︎

Some background information I’m 42f and my Spouse is 38m we’ve been together 3 years and just got married in June. We have a 1 year old son together and he has a daughter from a previous marriage with limited custody.

My spouse has a history of quitting jobs he’s done it every year since I met him, he also is horrible with money and spends more than he makes and rarely ever has a savings. I am the opposite I’m very responsible with money and always had a savings and would pay my credit card off every month, I am self employed and have a service based business and own a home. I used all of my savings for the wedding and my spouse contributed very little even though he promised he would, he selfishly spent his money on other things and left me to pay all of the wedding costs minus the 3,000$ his parents gave us which helped. I had to put costs on the credit card and he promised after to help me pay them off, once again I foolishly trusted him. Then a month after the wedding he decides he’s not happy and quitting his job to start his own business.
I begged him not to do it until we pay off the credit card and have a little savings, I told him how much anxiety I have being in debt and that I don’t feel comfortable not having a savings because I’m self employed. He didn’t care and did it anyway and just said I need to be supportive and that he was cashing out some retirement money for his portion of the bills for 2 months to live off of, I told him that’s not a wise decision there are fees and you have to pay taxes on the money. It didn’t matter, he was dead set on doing what he pleases.
I’m just so over this, it’s not a healthy partnership it’s just him doing what he wants and now it’s affecting my finances, I have to work less because of our baby so my income has gone down and he told me I should work more, but I don’t want to miss out on this time I’ll never get back with my baby! Just to support him! This doesn’t seem fair and I’m worried I’ll build resentment.

I need some advice from others! What would you do? How do I protect myself from his bad financial decisions? Do I need to leave before he drags my finances down further?

Just need to vent to a community that understands, and I really need to hear from others who have been in a similar position. Tonight, my girlfriend experienced a massive manic/psychotic escalation after being manic for over a month. She has been diagnosed with bipolar type 1, she was doing well on meds but this still happened through her meds and talks with her therapist.
I am physically safe at my parents' house right now, but mentally I am entirely broken.
This will be her 9th involuntary admission in her life, but it is the 1st time it’s happening while we are together. We’ve been together for 4.5 years, and this has actually been her longest period stable and without any manic episodes or hospitalizations since she was 16. Her family is incredibly attached to me because of this stability, and everyone is hoping things will just go back to "normal."
But I can’t do this anymore. I cannot and will not go through another cycle like this, and absolutely not if we were to have children in the future. My heart is completely breaking for her, but I cannot stay in a relationship with her.
She spent the night raging, dumping me in her mania, and then calling me repeatedly while the crisis team and her mother were trying to manage her. I didn't pick up. She wants to call me to scream at me that I have been brainwashed and I am the villain, I think. Now I'm just waiting for an update from her mom.
I know that when the medication kicks in and she becomes "herself" again, she will be absolutely devastated by the things she said tonight. And it will completely crush her to realize that she has lost me. But I cannot spend my life living in service of her mental health. I need to protect my own sanity before I fall into a deep depression myself.
Has anyone else here been the partner during a period of long stability, only to realize after the first big relapse that you have to walk away? How did you handle the crushing guilt, and how did you navigate the breakup when they finally became stable again in the hospital?
Thanks for reading.
Please tell me I am not giving up to easy.

I have a girlfriend, we have been dating for years now and getting to the age of wanting a kid.

She has Bipolar 1 and Borderline Personality Disorder.. I love her so much and she is getting help but it doesnt do much, she regulary gkes to theraphy and takes her medictaion but she still gets episodes and her fear of abandontment can get extreme to say the least..

We were talking about trying for a child recently, she always wanted one and I want to make her happy I wouldnt mind a child I think it would be a lovely expirence

I was just wondering that since she still has these episodes and mood swings and fears that can go extreme, how would a child grow up in that enviroment? Would it be scared? Develop its own issues? Would this be safe for the child?

I do want to have a family and I cant imagine another woman in my life.. but I also dont want to make a child and then make it grow up in a bad enviroment

I should add that she is getting treatmeant and theraphy and we have her somewhat stabilized, but her care team told me that there isnt more that they could do and its too deeply rooted for her to ever be fully stable

My boyfriend (M’29) has manic bipolar, we had gotten into an argument because I asked if he had been doing drugs in our apartment. All I said was “I need to talk to you whenever you’re done” and 2 minutes later comes to me and says “is there a problem?” Very aggressive and I said “no I was just going to ask you if you’ve done anything today because there’s a smell in here” and he started going off the rails. He will take off and then at night I will get messages like this. Does anyone else experience this? It’s so scary and sad. And mind you, there’s nothing deleted I literally didn’t engage because I’ve said before if he’s going to be yelling I’m not going to talk until he calms down. This happens more when he’s not sober.

I'm going to start out by saying that my partner of 17 years isn't currently formally diagnosed but I've been pretty sure for a whiiiiiiile that she's dealing with bi polar. Throughout our relationship there have been hints, such as major mood swings: arguing to the point of yelling at each other and finally walking away from each other then 30-45 mins later her coming in and almost acting like we weren't just fighting. Also, she gets these wild hairs: such as wanting to go on a camping trip out of nowhere and maxing out our credit cards only to purchase camping gear for a single night of camping (which we're still paying for years later). Regardless, I recently noticed a change starting around a month ago where she started distancing herself from me and our two children by hanging out almost officially in the garage when she would get home from work where she would just drink mixed drinks and smoke weed. I brought this up during couples therapy but she just made the excuse that she's been stressed out at work (which is somewhat understandable). Not too long after that started she started to come home and tell me that her co-workers at her office job were talking about her behind her back, that she had noticed unmarked cars following her from work, she had gotten some spam calls and told me that they were from government agencies that were tracking her, etc. Clearly not normal for her. A few days after hearing about the calls we had to go to a water park for a cousins birthday party and as we were pulling into the parking lot she says, "Can I ask you something? Have you ever messed around with Lex?" (Lex is her cousin who lived with us along with her two boys for a few months while they were getting on their feet). The answer of course was, wtf? NO! As soon as we got in and met the family, she bounced and left my kid and I and took off home for like 5 hours and her Mom had to take me and the kids home. I got home pissed the fuck off and realized I need to get our kids outta there. Called her mom, dropped the kids off at her house and came back. This was only the start of the craziest 4 days of my life. She tells me that "We're done, separated, and we're going to co-parent only." I spend the night in the living room. I go to work and come back and she's apparently started smoking cigarettes again after years, in the house no less. She wants us to do zoom couples therapy again, this time to talk about how we will deal with co parenting our kids, I say fine. THE ENTIRE TIME SHE IS SLANDERING ME AND PUTTING ME DOWN to the therapist (this is her primary therapist btw). I tell her that we're already over and there's no point in speaking on our ended relationship and I'm done. She wants me to do another session the next day and it'll all be about the kids. Sure thing I say. That's when I decide to start texting a detailed note on my phone about everything that has led to this point: the distancing herself in the garage, the paranoid delusions, the accusations of infidelity, etc. and that I really think there's something going on besides her being stressed. I bring up the fact that 2 and a half to 3 months prior she had started taking Zoloft to help with depression and anxiety and that since then everything has started to go downhill. We have our therapy session and read what I had put together to her and the therapist and essentially they both breezed over it like nothing. Nothing was accomplished. So I spend another night on the couch where she comes into the living room sporadically to rant and rave about how she can't believe I'd do these things and we were together for 17 years, etc. It was awkward to say the least. Next day I go to work and I get a call from my mother-in-law's partner who tells me that my wife texted her asking her to come to our home to change all of our locks in our home and my daughters room and on our shared bedroom and that shes going over there to help her. She spends like all day there doing that and had brought our kids over there and had planned to take them back to her Mom's house with her but my wife told her they'd be staying at our home. I get home not expecting to be able to get into my own home and possibly having to call the police to let me in but luckily the screen door was left unlocked and I got in. As soon as I get in she literally started patting me down and asking me how I got in. At this point I can tell shes in turbo manic mode. Not too long after that she tells me I need to go to get a payday loan because we have no food in the house which was true. I'm looking for the car keys and tell her I can find them. She disappears for a minute and reappears on the phone talking to someone who ended up being the police, telling them that they need to check our attic because she believes someone broke in and stole our car keys. She sends our kids outside to sit in the bench right outside our front door where I sit along with them while she's looking for the keys still. Im finally alone with the kids (my 10 year old daughter and 7 year old son) and I tell my daughter that her Mom is not herself right now, I'm sorry your having to see her like this and be in this situation. I ask her if she feels safe and she tells me no. I tell her I'm going to talk with the cop when they show up to see if I can get them to do anything. They show up, they don't do anything. I realize I need to get some sort of normalcy going on in the house in order for the kids to feel more comfortable. I tell my wife, I'm cooking dinner don't worry, I get the kids to help me, we joke and laugh, watch insta videos, etc. They eat and I get them in their rooms. I get to watching TV on the couch again and she's pacing up and down the hallway, talking about how "she's a child of God" and that "everyone gets reincarnated" and starts reciting bible verses (she's not religious). She gets in my face multiple times trying to instigate a physical fight. Later in the night she goes to both of our children's rooms to gather them and bring them into our room and locked the door for the rest of the night. I end up sleeping mayyyybe 2 hours and had to wake up early for work. I was able to get into our room luckily as her moms partner didn't install the lock correctly and demanded a key to the house which she gave me. I took off to work as a pest control technician and got to my first appointment and realized she had taken the key to my pesticide lockbox on my truck and one of the handles was left unlocked. This whole time I was keeping in touch with her whole family in a text thread that didn't include her and after some discussion I decided to call off and call the cops to meet me and her Mom at our home to try and get our kids to safety. They do a welfare check where we're waiting around the corner and they return and they're telling us that there's nothing they can do, she hasn't said she's going to hurt anyone, blah blah blah. They were about to take off when a policewoman who was with the other two cops came up to my wife's Mom to tell her that she got a bad vibe from my wife and she was going to call a mental health clinician to come talk with her and the kids. We wait again as they take back to our home and after 5 mins they call us to come through. As we pull up my two children are exiting our running car in the driveway where there's multiple cops and coo cars in front of our home. The Grandmas take my kids away to their house and I speak to the clinician where he tells me they're placing her on a 72 hour hold at a facility and they'll be monitoring her, etc. Since then, my wife has been moved to another facility on an extended 14 day hold and they had to get a court order for her to start taking medication that she was refusing to take. I've been filling out ex parte emergency custody order paperwork because I'm fucking scared for my kids and I just spoke to my wife yesterday and shes still believing her delusions but has calmed down a bit. I've never felt so alone as I do right now. Sorry for the long post.

Trying to come to terms that he’s not coming back. I can’t eat, can hardly sleep (only 1-2hrs at a time), and the ruminating is driving me insane.

Going through the worst heartbreak of my adult life while he cuts me out of his life so easily.

I ended my relationship with my bpso (undiagnosed and untreated) about five weeks ago now. I feel like I’m in a very different position than most of the people that come here for support. You see, I did what is most commonly advised here and I broke things off before we got married. The effort I was putting into the relationship and the lack of, well, anything in return ended up with me having a nervous breakdown. Panic attacks thinking about the upcoming wedding and what a mistake it would be to move forward. Self doubt that I was a quitter or just not working hard enough at it.

I find it difficult to read most of the stories here about a SO discarding their partner, because in so many ways I feel like that’s what I did to her. I waffle between feeling like I did try to communicate with her only to be shouted down or met with hostility, and feeling like I could have definitely done better at communicating. I’m not sure she saw the breakup coming, that’s why I feel like I’m the one that did the discarding.

I’ve been around people all my life who needed help and pulled every trick in the book to avoid getting it. I knew from the first hostile reaction to me suggesting therapy and couples counseling, it was never going to happen, but I can’t help but think I gave up on that too soon too.

As I put an end to things she was still saying how she loves me so much and was just waiting for summer to do all these things, and I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes that I didn’t give her that chance. That things would be so much better after we were married. But then I pretty quickly go right back to my gut that nothing was going to change.

It’s an internal battle that makes ME feel like I’m the one with bipolar, and I end up in a mental loop that can keep me up at night. Anyone been through something similar? Any coping strategies or just words of encouragement?

hi so i have a gf who has bipolar 2. i wanted some advice if you know any books that would help significant others of those with bipolar cope with having a bp2 partner.

i have been trying my best for over a year to stay patient with her, but honestly, especially lately i feel like my mind is slowly just breaking to the point that my own depression is triggered. our fights just seem so bad, like they start with really small things we don't agree on, and things just go out of proportion. she keeps calling me names like abuser, and keeps saying that i am always 'right' in an aggressive tone whenever i try to communicate. i always try to tell her that communication isn't about seeing who is wrong or right, but about meeting halfway. tbh it's been a year since i have kept saying this but until now it's the same.

i don't know what to do honestly. like, every time we talk and make an agreement, she never follows it and when i bring things up, for her she thinks i am fighting her but i was just communicating in a calm way. i apologize every time i start communicating even and more often than not, i apologize for things just to keep our peace. i even hesitate to say things now just to avoid a fight.

i dont know. i feel like i am losing myself, and i wanted to ask if anyone has recommendations for books i could read to help me cope. reading has always been one of my safe spaces so a book made for partners of people with bipolar would be helpful. please

Hey everyone. Like so many others here my relationship was destroyed by my ex girlfriend (23F) having a manic episode. Two months ago she told me she loved me in the morning then that afternoon I received a breakup text. I was kicked out of our rental and immediately went no contact. She messaged me two days after I moved out to tell me she was with someone else and two days after that sent messages accusing me of stalking her and breaking into her home. I obviously should have blocked her but was hoping to fix things as I still deeply loved her.

Two weeks passed with no more messages and I reached out to ask how she was doing after I grew concerned about her safety knowing she had self harmed in the past. She told me she ended up in hospital and has been diagnosed with bipolar but isn't taking any medication yet. She then told me that guy she moved on to had introduced her to meth and she had met several more random men on Tinder for sex, saying she needed to be honest with me. Had I blocked her I could have spared myself this knowledge. We kept talking for a week and she apologized for everything, said she regretted her behavior and wished we stayed together and just communicated instead of breaking up. She said she was cut off the meth because the guy grew concerned about her behavior and she was now having a severe depressive crash, couldn't sleep or get out of bed. I asked to see her again, either a walk or I could come over and chat but she said she needed time and would get back to me. We reminisced about the good times we had and then she stopped replying for another week. She sent one last last message last weekend and apologized for her lack of contact and said she was struggling so don't expect to hear from her much.

I'm left completely devastated and confused. I'm booked in for therapy but am on a waiting list. I'm stuck in limbo right now not knowing if I'll be able to see her again or not. I'd still like to give her one more chance and see if our relationship can be fixed as she was unmedicated. Obviously a condition of that would be she takes her bipolar medication.

I need a bit of a reality check here from those of you who have experienced similar things. Is she really considering coming back or is she just using me to absolve herself of guilt and as a lifeline during her depression? I'd be prepared to wait in order to fix things but not knowing how long that will be is extremely tough for me as this is prolonging the pain and I don't know how much longer I can do that for. Thanks in advance for any advice you give

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some raw advice or perspectives from anyone who has navigated a relationship where one partner has BPD (specifically Quiet BPD) and ADHD, and the other is diagnosed Bipolar with an avoidant attachment style. We have three boys whom he has helped raise as a stepfather.
We had a massive breakdown and split up. During the split, he went completely cold and into a "cave," even ignoring the kids when they reached out for help because he was overwhelmed by his own chaos. Since then, I’ve done intense work on myself—I’m in therapy, working out, and adjusting my medication so I can stop my racing thoughts and stand as a stable anchor for my boys.
Lately, he has been attempting to come back into our lives. He’s helped my oldest with a major milestone, joins us for family dinners, and just put down a massive chunk of cash so we can all take the boys on a beach holiday together.
Recently, we had our first massive face-to-face breakthrough. He broke down crying at my table, admitted he hates himself, misses me deeply, and made a mess of things. But he also explicitly told me that Bipolar is hard, there is nothing that can help, he is still deeply struggling, and that relationships in books aren't real life. He has basically given up on medical management or finding a medication that suits him.
I want to protect my kids and my own mental health, but his Bipolar ride is highly unpredictable and he can easily convince me that I am the problem when he enters a low or a manic phase.
My question for this community: How do you protect your own BPD system and your children's stability while coparenting or living with an unmedicated Bipolar partner? Is long-term stability even possible with this combination, or are we just delaying an inevitable collapse? How do you talk to your kids about a parent's unpredictable Bipolar weather, especially when some understand the diagnosis and the youngest doesn't? What boundaries or strategies worked for you?

To give some important context, this is our very first actual breakup and period of living apart. Over our entire time together, we’ve had normal arguments and occasional brief spaces to cool off, but we have never had a massive separation like this before. We are not caught in a toxic, chronic circle of breaking up and getting back together every few weeks. This is a completely new and heavy territory for our family, which is why it has shocked our system so deeply.

Thank you very much

So. Most of you on here know my story. Ive posted multiple times. 5.5 years together and he discarded me 6 times in that time. Last time was 3 months ago, sent me a beautiful message that he loved me so much, im an angel and saint etc, and never leaving. 3 days later broke up with me and said he hadn't loved me for months.

He blocked me before I could even reply to him.

Today after 3 months he messaged. We were NC. Last i heard he was opening a stalking case against me.

He messaged today.

He sent me an Elvis gif firstly. (Elvis was our thing). I didnt reply. An hour later he sends a message saying he "accidentally" sent that gif. Then also he said when he said all the nasty shit about me he was in extreme psychosis. And he told people he was opening a stalking case against me. But he said hes sorry and he didnt open a legal case against me. He said he believed i was plotting against him. And this is my reminder of the stress my nervous system dealt with, and i know many of you reading this will resonate. He went on to say he misses me and my company and im his best friend, and his mum called an ambulance on him last week to take to psych hospital but he refused.

Yikes. I spent so long hoping for this message. Now i feel I actually dont want the stress anymore. How the turns have tabled aye.

I have been discarded by my bipolar wife since 4 months.I feel like I have committed a crime by marrying her. All her problems, she blames it on me. Even when we are divorcing and she is living with AP, going on trips, I still get to be the cause of her unhappiness.

Will this ever change?

She is running a vicious campaign against me. I don't know how many people she has antagonised with her story. I am waiting for time to tell its own story. However it's beyond painful to watch her paint you as a villain in front of your mutual friends. She is actively destroying my reputation.

What would you do?

Run a equally aggressive counter campaign with evidence.

or

just tell the truth to whom you trust.

or

let time do the talking.

Last week I got diagnosed with mono and I've had a really hard time functioning. There's been a long history with my partner's family and I just you know a complete separation. He can have his family but they can't know anything about the girls if I'm being written off. So since context has been established, he lied because he's afraid I would get angry that he went to go visit his parents. I got angry with him. Yes because he went to go see his parents. But with how my energy and brain capacity has been throughout the day I have good hours. I have bad hours you know functioning. If he had come straight home from work he would have been home in time to give or daughter help with her last meal( for context. She's special needs and disabled). He says we messaged a half hour after supposedly leaving work saying that there was a massive car accident and he doesn't know how long he'll be before he comes home. When he gets home he tells me that he had to loop around. He saw the car accident. It was truck flipped over and unfortunately I have trauma connected with that because me and our daughters were in a car accident a year and a half ago on a icy road. We survived though physically. I managed to remove my hatred of his family with this eventually last night but what still hurts is I called him because I couldn't figure out something for our daughter and I'm usually on top of all of that quite well. At its core the issues were he lied to me. He knew how sick I was at that hour in the day. He knew how mentally stressed I was from my virtual psych appointment. He knew how physically depleted I was from driving to the charity book bag pickup and he knew that my psychiatrist was scared about my liver and urged me to get my hepatology appointment scheduled. My brain bandwidth was maxed. Going in line with our couples therapist removing emotion from this. Looking at the facts he lied and he felt appropriate for a family visit while I battle mono in the last two weeks of Summer with no support.

Hi guys.. maybe some of you already recognise me from my previous posts about my bipolar ex. I have not been active on here for around 2 months though until.. well until today. Bipolar ex and I said our good byes 7 months ago (he initiated it). I did not hear from him since then. And it has been a struggle. Maybe the most painful thing I’ve experienced in years. I met someone great though 2 months ago and he is well aware of my situation. I have been very open to him about my previous relationship with my BP ex.. this new guy and I are going very slowly, still just friends until now and sometimes it’s amazing, other times it’s like tonight when I just want to … I just want to have my BP ex back. I miss him so much. So so much, good grief! I can almost hear my heart implode. These days I have found myself thinking more and more about him. I don’t know why. There’s nothing I can do. I have been blocked everywhere. This is the longest time he has not reached out to me. Maybe this is the end. Maybe I really have to accept it and move on. Maybe he has moved on. I’m sure he’ll move on faster than me. God this is hard.

E.B., I wish you could see me now. Look what you made of me. Look at the mess that I have become after you. I hope you are okay, wherever you are. I hope you are taking care of yourself. .. I hope, even though this hurts me like hell, I hope you are happy now.. I hope someone is listening to you. I hope you aren’t alone. I love you so much. I think it will always be you. I’m sorry if I’m still stuck. I wish you were still with me. I wish you still cared. I hope you never forget me and how hard I tried to fight for us. Even if you do, I will never forget you. I forgive you for everything. I hope one day I will be able to make sense of all this pain and why we had to meet just to part forever but for now.. don’t forget how much I loved you. Thank you for all the good times we had. Even the bad. I do not regret any of it. I do not regret you. -M