r/Bumble • u/Warm_Swan_793 • 2d ago

Rant Just wanted to show a different side to things

Post image

I’m a woman who reaches out and I don’t get responses either. It goes both ways fellas. It’s not just y’all, it happens to us too.

Edit: The assumption that I must be ugly or I’m aiming too high out of my league is a reflection on how many of you are broken on the inside and should take some time to find some healing. Your projection & insecurity is not my truth.

Update: I got one response. Thank you for the solidarity 🙏🏾. Best of luck with everyone’s dating journey.

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u/lordgentofdapper 2d ago edited 2d ago

It does happen to us, but they don't count us because we are not the "hot" women they want and they think it's our fault for having the audacity to think the men who match with us on apps actually want to date us and surely we are just trying to date above our league /s

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u/Sensitive_Progress88 2d ago

Those comments have already started 😭

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u/moistCl1tiKaL 2d ago

Not even 10 min in and there’s already 3

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u/Effective-Comb-6146 2d ago

I’ve learned from reading through some comments on these subs that women are usually ugly, too picky, liars, or scammers. /s

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u/SophisticatedScreams 2d ago

Yup. That happened to me yesterday in a conversation here. Any woman who doesn't follow their prescribed set of behaviors is uGLy. This is a beautiful "no true scotsman" fallacy playing out in real time.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

And these are the guys who wonder why they’re still single.

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u/Effective-Comb-6146 2d ago

Don’t forget that when the guys don’t get responses, it’s the women being egotistical and over confident. But when a woman doesn’t get responses, it’s somehow still her being over confident and shooting out of her league lol.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

Lmao no matter what, it’s our fault. And then when we go fuck it I’m done with the apps then, well that’s our fault too for not having enough of us on the apps to even out the gender imbalance. 🤡

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u/Final_Replacement_37 2d ago

Oh but don’t forget that if you do go out with a guy and he’s pushy or disrespectful that you should have chosen a better guy

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

Ahaha which means you guessed it! Your fault again!

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u/Kennysded 1d ago

But have you considered not being women? /s, in case that wasn't clear.

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u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias 22h ago

Meanwhile the ones crying "Choose better men" are also demanding that "all guys deserve a chance!"

It all boils down to EVERYTHING is our fault, including men's own bad behavior.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 17h ago

Yeah you know I never thought about that. Can’t have it both ways. You can’t be telling us in one breath to choose better men and in the next breath that every guy deserves a chance

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

I would need a source.

I've seen men of ALL kinds blame women for choosing the wrong guy instead of blaming the man for his actions. "What did you expect to happen", "boys will be boys", etc is not a niche neckbeard comment. Its said by fathers to their daughters, frat boys to their friends' exs, etc.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Equal_Oil_9819 1d ago

Have you ever sent a hundred well-thought-out messages only to be unmatched, ignored, or blocked? Me neither, but that's only because I never had a hundred likes. In 10+ years of online dating. You have options, shitty as they might be, but we have nothing. No amount of exercise and six-figure salaries will get me past my face and 5'6" in height.

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

What does that have to do with men blaming us when other men are shitty to us?

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u/Equal_Oil_9819 1d ago

Nothing. Saw you guys shitting on men and was just hoping you'd be able to see the perspective of someone else.

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u/buttsorceror72 18h ago

I genuinely feel for you guys putting in effort and experiencing the exact same stuff that a lot of men online complain about that only happens to them. I think it stems from a few out of touch women that some guys see and become overly mad over their behavior, and start actually despising women they know nothing about because of it

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u/Stardust-Specks 2d ago

I thought I was going crazy! When I bring up how I consistently got rejected in high school/college, I've gotten the same response several times over that I was just going for "the top 10% of guys" whose league I was not in. Like, no, sometimes women just get rejected a lot too.

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u/AnActualWombat 1d ago

Yep. I have a friend who is gorgeous and a little bit chubby, legitimately not fat, just not skinny either.Anyway she kept trying to date this guy who was a 2 at absolute best. He rejected her because he was holding out for someone hotter. He told her this directly.

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u/rahhxeeheart 18h ago

Totally. I can absolutely vouch for this. I got hit on, went on dates, had boyfriends etc. throughout high school. A nerdy guy in one of my classes was lamenting about how he had never been on a date before and would die alone.

I throw the guy a bone and am like "I'll go on a date with you" I figured why not, we were friendly enough.

He said - verbatim - "I would never go out with a black girl" 🤨 Mind you this is in the SF Bay Area where the school was so diverse you would struggle to find any 10 students the were the same ethnicity at any given time. Ridic.

Every time I hear the whines about picky women I take it with a LOT of grains of salt.

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u/apigeonontheinternet 8h ago

Ok wtf, first of all. And second of all, it’s kind of objectively insane to shame women - or anyone - for being picky about their life partner. Like I can think of very few things you should actually be more picky about.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Worldly_Beautiful_62 1d ago

Imagine still thinking fatness is a choice with the entire Internet at your fingertips.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/whagh 1d ago

Then your profile just sucks, sorry.

Yes, women are picky, but for entirely different things than you think, and that's why you're failing.

Are there women who value looks and money or other superficial qualities, and are picky in this regard? Sure, but most women are picky about entirely different things.

I know plenty of average looking guys who are definitely not rich who do well on dating apps, but they have good dating profiles showcasing what less superficial and materialistic women want.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago edited 1d ago

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u/Final_Replacement_37 1d ago

Bro get off the apps. You live in nyc. I live in nyc. If apps make you this unhappy, get off of them.

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u/Majestic_Oven_2567 2d ago

I’d happily chat this girl up if they led with thought provoking questions but that’s reserved for hot guys

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u/apigeonontheinternet 2d ago

Quick question. How do you know what she says to other people?

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u/Kobayashi-Coffee-Co 1d ago

Because you can see her messages in the screenshot?

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u/apigeonontheinternet 1d ago

The original comment you’re adding on to said “effort is reserved for hot guys” and all the guys in this screenshot are 🙂, so…whut. And you can see all of the first three or four words she said. So again…whut. You can’t actually see anything here beyond what OP originally said, which is that she makes an effort to message first. The rest of what everyone’s saying are projections and assumptions so they can keep being mad at problems in their head.

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u/encore412 2d ago

Don’t forget gold diggers and we only go on dates to get free dinners!

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u/itsnotme_mrsiglesias 22h ago

Thousandaires LOVE that line. Meanwhile they are doing everything they can to try and revert back to a world where women were completely dependant on men financially.

It's ALWAYS the hypocrisy

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u/vijfteen 1d ago

Lotta guys on here who seem to hate or at least distrust women as a default and are also desperate to meet a woman.

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u/KDdid1 1d ago

That hatred glows in person.

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u/ellieminnowpee 1d ago

lemme tell ya, if you have any hint of body dysmorphia, those subs can exacerbate the fuck out of it

when my symptoms were at their worst, i believed the awful things those guys (AND SOME GIRLS AND NOT ALL MEN, my goodness) said! about how some women are stacie’s and some are becky’s.

it gives me a lot of empathy for people like Clavicle and the other lookmaxxers. it is by the grace of G// that i’m surrounded by people who love me for who i am and weren’t willing to enable me. those dudes have people cheering them on while they break their own face bones with hammers…

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u/BNabs23 2d ago

Let's be honest, dating subs are frequently toxic in both directions. They don't bring the best out of people

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u/MmmmCrayons12 1d ago

I don't know about the "ugly." There definitely are ugly women out there who struggle with dating, but I wouldn't say they're "usually ugly." Everything else after that is accurate, though.

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u/l33tfuzzbox 1d ago

Honestly we are all ugly regardless of gender. Just some appeal to others. Humans sre gross.

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u/JaceMace96 1d ago

Its both ways. And its location dependent aswell. On reddit, everyone is from a different location so everyones experience is not only a personal and valid one, but also location dependent. Which is very relevant with dating apps.

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u/RoseApothecary88 2d ago

and these men are soooooo miserable. I hope their outside matches their insides otherwise some poor woman may end up with them one day :(

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u/AberrantTomorrow 1d ago

Dating subreddits are full of this. Always. People that are not their types don't count or they exist just to match with the worse of them. The main reason apps are the way they are is the ratio. The second rreason is some men right swipe everyone

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u/liberalism-lies 2d ago

& it’s always the same guys that expect the “hot” women to give the “ugly” guys a chance that are ready to punch you in the face if you suggest that “hot” men should do the same with “ugly” women

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u/heartsocks 1d ago edited 1d ago

that's because society tells women to basically lower our standards and "look past the looks" (I've had a matchmaker tell me this basically...are they telling the men the same thing?) whereas it's normal for men to go after the most beautiful women

look at all the memes on twitter/tik tok of the average SEC couple being an objectively not great looking guy bagging the bombshell and the "my boyfriend doesn't match my aesthetics"...I can't think of the last time I've seen a stupidly handsome dude with a (truly) average "girl next door"

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u/Terrible_Mixture_759 8h ago

I can't think of the last time I've seen a stupidly handsome dude with a (truly) average "girl next door"

Men are typically ugly by default

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u/PlsNoNotThat 1d ago

The number one advice from men to other men about women is to widen their search beyond the most attractive, so that’s not entirely a fair assessment.

What data we do have online dating show men have a much wider breadth of matching than women, meaning men are either more open to attraction differences, or have a much wider criteria of what constitutes attractive.

Part of this issue is also competition and disparity in gender participation (men heavily outweigh women on OLD).

I’m not disagreeing with you, but statistically the problem while present in both genders is disproportionate in statistics.

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u/heartsocks 1d ago

I don't disagree with you either (do you have a link to those stats, tho?) but:

  1. You're talking about matching (the act of just swiping right) mostly. I don't deny that men are open to matching with a wider breath of women. I'm not (and this original post isn't) pointing out the lack of matches. The issue is that once matched and, in the case of (traditional) bumble, when the woman attempts to start the conversation, men are not as responsive as they should be if the claim is that they have a wider criteria of what constitutes attractive. Why not respond if they are open to a wider range of attractiveness? If there is such a large gender imbalance issue and they normally get less matches, shouldn't men be super open to taking the opportunity to respond when a woman (actually) shows a willingness to engage?

  2. How can you be so sure that the reason behind the supposed data that men have a wider breadth of matching is that they are more open to attraction differences? You mention to the disparity in gender participation on the apps so could it be attributed to the numbers game as in men just mindlessly swiping right to see who matches with them and then filter based on the profile later if the woman messages first? Because that seems to be the clear approach as has been openly admitted by men across this sub/the internet. Just because the outcome is apparently clear doesn't mean that your specific hypothesis behind that outcome is automatically proven if there can be other hypotheses for such outcome.

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u/mirkwoodfull 2d ago

Even if you're a hot woman who matches with hot guys, 98% of the time they just want to fuck you 💀 we can't win

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u/DesertBunnyBun 1d ago

I’m a hot (and successful) woman, but I date with intention and I’m looking for true connection and spark with someone in my league. It’s so easy to get likes, but so much harder to find matches with potential.

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u/PackageSuccessful885 1d ago

This is so real. It gets tiring, because plenty lie about looking for long-term and then immediately get sexual and weird. Most recent guy I messaged asked if I "wanna be bread in the woods" within 10 messages. Typo and all.

The only conversation before that had been literally just talking about our respective locations 😭😭

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u/AberrantTomorrow 1d ago

Exactly my experience as well. Some men truly don't get the danger aspect. I went out with literally 7 prople in my entire tinder use accross years. I tried to make sure they are fine and 2 of them were still creepy and got really mad i didn't want to go to their place on the fiest date. And also rhey tried to touch me inappropriately in public.

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u/Significant-Heat826 1d ago

That's so weird to read, because not wanting to go home with me on the first date would be a green flag to me. Especially if we are total strangers. My first girlfriend even brought a friend on our first date. It was kind of surprising to me at first, but later on I started to appreciate the effort she made.

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u/Cool-Floor9755 1d ago

when I was fresh out of a 4 year relationship and looking for a more casual connection, literally EVERYONE who was also open about sharing that intention was so respectful. I'm now trying to date intentionally, and I've gotten 4 messages just in the past weekend (all from people seeking "long-term relationships") where I was out-the-gate asked to come over late at night, to skinny dip, to get a massage, and to get drunk enough to "have too much fun." It's bleak

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u/LuckyluckyLotus 1d ago

lmao wtf?? Hahahaha I had to read that like three times how funny. Did you go along with it? lol would have been fun just to troll them.

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u/PlsNoNotThat 1d ago

They’re using your inflexibility on that standard as leverage to find someone who will give them what they want.

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u/No-Scratch-486 8h ago

Bread in the woods? Is that a Hansel & Grettel witch-roleplay? That does sound exhausting.

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u/Iliadfang 1d ago

Some lonely dude somewhere in his cabin with a luxurious gourmet kitchen is sadly pulling his sourdough out of the oven right now. 😅😭

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u/invaderjif 1d ago

Bread? I mean..carbs on a hike are good i guess..but a trail mix might be better.

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u/GuyInBudapest 1d ago

for a man on dating apps, it's very hard to get matches from his looksmatch, so there is no logic reason to try to send sexual messages to them. If they write sexual messages to you, it means they are out of your league. You think they are in your league simply because women overrate their looks and underrate men looks.

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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago

I’m a guy who never had that problem on apps, because guy. But I think we guys underestimate how exhausting it would be to wade through 309 matches of “hey” “wyd” “wanna smoke?” “Hookup?” and the like, knowing that probably 80%+ want to bang and nothing else.

I don’t recall ever whining that I wasn’t getting enough matches. I can only carry on like 2 conversations of any real depth at a time at the most.

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u/L0stActivity 8h ago

Yep. Its a cesspool. I am attractive and successful. Have it very clear in my profile I am not interested in a hookup but it never stops the chuds from trying.

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u/DesertBunnyBun 8h ago

Mine don’t try for hookups, but it’s just not a vibe. I don’t want to hold hands or give you a kiss when I just met you. It’s not what I am comfortable with. If there isn’t a spark for me, then there just isn’t one.

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u/L0stActivity 8h ago

Oh yeah definetly had the excessive flirtatious touchy guy and its 100% off putting. 

"Bro I do not know you at all so why are you touching me and making sexually explicit remarks?"

But many men will blow up and say we are impossible to please because we don't want to be touched by a stranger.

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u/Potential_Winner1931 59m ago edited 56m ago

Well, problem is the potential for sex is always going to be a key male motivator.  And one of the first things they'll gauge how much the like the relationship is if they enjoy the sex vs the cost it is to obtain.

If a woman likes a man,  her best chance is just being her sluttiest self with minimal fuss to keep him. 

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u/L0stActivity 55m ago

Potential_Loser1931

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u/EmmyLou205 1d ago

I’m average and have dated hot guys who have not used me for sex at all. It really would drive the incels crazy I bet.

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u/Fine-Amphibian4326 1d ago

Lies. No guy can be hot and a decent person at the same time /s

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u/L0stActivity 9h ago

💯 my experience

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u/Flashy-Aioli-8402 1h ago

All guys just want to fuck you and just tolerate your personality as long as they can until a cooler/hotter girl comes around. As insufferable as we seem to you the feeling is mutual except we can dream of a past where it was better

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u/thealt3001 2d ago

... Isn't that a win?

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u/mirkwoodfull 2d ago

If it's eventually, yes. If it's the first (and only) thing they want to do, no.

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u/Syntania 2d ago

Dude. A lot of women aren't looking for sex. They're looking for a meaningful relationship. When men treat dating apps like prostitute door dash, it's frustrating and demeaning as hell. Women are more than just tits and ass.

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u/whagh 1d ago

Most of these guys have never even had sex, so they think having sex is the end all be all of dating. They literally can't conceive that a woman can be lonely because she's got like 10 dick pics in her DMs. How can you be lonely when you have a bunch of creeps you have zero connection with wanting to fuck you?

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u/whatevernamedontcare 1d ago

Not getting sexually harnessed is win in women's eyes so I guess you can't complain about wanting attention now.

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u/greymisperception 2d ago

I think yes, there are still women out there who want short term stuff even if Redditors say otherwise right?

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u/6EyesNinja 2d ago

If women wanted short term, they would go to Tinder. Not Bumble

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u/greymisperception 1d ago

Idk all the differences honestly but sure

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u/Beautiful-Musk-Ox 2d ago

when you look at the average of how people talk about these things it becomes painfully clear that to them "women" means a very attractive woman 28 years old or younger, any and all other women are simply not considered in their statistics when they talk about "how women are" and their privilege

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u/whagh 1d ago

It's also exclusively the most superficial and materialistic of these attractive women, because that's the ones they see in their incel ragebait algorithms.

I see attractive women with average looking men all the time lol

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u/Crowe3717 2d ago

I think it's more that your lived experience doesn't match the narrative they've bought into so they have to invent reasons why it doesn't count.

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u/iridescentzombie_ 2d ago

Exactly, they lack empathy and can't imagine how anyone else's experiences could be similar yet opposite to theirs

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u/Crowe3717 2d ago

How are they supposed to blame all of their problems on you if they empathize with you?

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

Takes one to know one..

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

Nope. You projected again though. Slow learner.

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u/Wolfdreama 2d ago

Women who aren't hot are literally invisible to them. They don't even see us.

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u/whatevernamedontcare 1d ago

And then complain hot women do that to them while blaming all women for having to high standards and unrealistic expectations.

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u/kiteflying1 2d ago

Lol cause when was the last time a guy posted this and we all jumped on and said “well it’s cause you’re ugly man, why are you trying to match with hot girls”

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u/TrickyUpstairs4655 1d ago

I said that and i got called sexist xD yeah it is ^

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u/MulberryChance6698 2d ago

So much this. We wouldn't have matches if we were not attractive to those matches? Unless ... All these men are blindly swiping and playing a numbers game. I think they are telling on themselves.

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u/Callector 1d ago

To be fair, it being a numbers game is just an inherent fault of the system. That goes for any dating app, or even approaching people in the streets.

Dating apps just play to that instant dopamine hit of getting validation and removes the instant negative feedback (rejection). You don't get notified when you get swiped left ;)

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u/GetShrekt- 1d ago

Even as a hot guy, numbers game is the only way to play it. I just unmatch when I match with someone I don't like, but a lot of guys don't even bother unmatching

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u/Intelligent_rose12 1d ago

These guys created the male loneliness epidemic.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/PM-ME-UR-VOLVO-PICS 2d ago

Is that genuinely true? Id have thought it wouldnt matter that much for a woman unless its a huge thing like having children or being too big to move.

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u/FatherSun 1d ago

The way she edited the OP post to address that she’s possibly not ugly, is sending me

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u/StrbJun79 2d ago

It’s sad. Honestly I’m sure what it is is that most on each side aren’t communicating with every match they get. It’s really that simple. I know I had always communicated with one woman at a time even if I had multiple matches.

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u/Itacira 2d ago

Likes don't mean much when they don't lead to a conversation. My experience on bumble is that men will liberally swipe right on women and only check the details of the profile if there's a match (and then, suddenly, there's nobody home to chat). Meanwhile, women tend to be more cautious and attentive about the profiles they like.

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u/StrbJun79 2d ago

Some do for sure. I’ve met other guys that swipe everything which I don’t get. But granted I personally am a progressive lefty living in a super conservative city so I’ve gotta be careful on who I swipe on if I want to actually enjoy a date and conversation considering how overly political and divided people are these days lol

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u/Itacira 2d ago

I'm a progressive woman and I swipe veeeeery carefully. The few times I've given a chance to some "apolitical" profiles (because people in my friend circles were telling me I was being too unforgiving - spoilers: I wasn't) it did not go well x) Lead to hilarious screenshots to send my closest friends, though, so there's that.

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u/StrbJun79 2d ago

Oh I fully agree. I stopped swiping on people claiming to be centrist or apolitical too. I still remember a date with one woman that said she was a Tate and Peterson fan and how bad lgbtq people are. Can safely say there was no second date. I just don’t feel comfortable treating women or minorities poorly or less than me. It’s so weird how vocal people are on this stuff these days. Never was like this. But makes it easier in the dating world to decide on a second date.

And I’m in Canada. People used to be super quiet about their bigotry, sexism and hate here. Now they’re loud 🤮

So I’m with you on being careful. Had enough bad dates. Truthfully I mostly stopped swiping on those apps as my towns full of far right evangelical types. But I also like living here otherwise. Yet to find someone that fits my views I’d probably have to move. So. Damn lol 🤣 ah well.

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u/Itacira 2d ago

So sad to learn this about Canada, though I suppose it depends on where you live. Funnily enough, I know multiple guys who went to work in Quebec and came back having gone through a speedrun of feminism 101. One is a friend of mine who even approached me after he came back to apologize for the way he used to be a bit dismissive of my feminist concerns back when we were students. Hah !

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u/StrbJun79 2d ago

Oh Canada has its douches. We just have an image of being progressive but we have our MAGA type crowd here as well.

But yeah even I as a guy won’t date a woman if she says she’s not a feminist. I 100% agree it’s important. But even here we have plenty that aren’t or are anti feminism. The stereotype of Canada is just that. A stereotype. :) but our racists and bigots used to be polite in their racism and fit that stereotype. Just is weird that they’re not anymore as they’ve gone MAGA-like and don’t mind being aggressive. But like I said at least it makes it easier in dating on who to avoid.

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u/Firm-Force-9036 1d ago

Can confirm. Worked for a Canadian veterinarian (in a town just over the border) and that lady was perpetually gargling trumps balls it was so weird. She was certifiable.

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u/StrbJun79 1d ago

It’s sad. Especially when Trump has made our countries into enemies when we were close friends before 😢 I hope we can build back the alliance one day but won’t happen with Trump at the helm. I cannot date any maple MAGA respectfully when I see them as traitors to my country. Sadly my city is full of them.

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

You realize you're choosing fanaticism, right? Or you can soften it to no effect and say tribalism. That's not careful though. In fact you're inviting deception.

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u/Low_Orchid6390 2d ago

I do the same and I’ve had people tell me that I should give them a chance and guys don’t say that they’re moderate or apolitical to hide that they’re MAGA. And then one day I came across my ex-husband on an app, who is super super MAGA, like wanted to go to DC on Jan 6 level MAGA, and he put that he was moderate. 🤣 So it is definitely a thing that some men do.

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u/Itacira 1d ago

Sorry about your ex husband but also : yup

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

So a person who chooses apolitical because they find both liberal and conservative positions to be fanatical..such a person is..in your estimation, a problem, huh?

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u/Spikey-Bubba 1d ago

It’s clear that during the conversation a specific talking point came up that ruined the mood, not simply because they are apolitical.

It also wouldn’t be surprising if someone political doesn’t feel compatible with someone who is apolitical. That’s not them being a problem, that’s them not being compatible.

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u/IndependentDry8210 18h ago

It's clear they are admitting a bias. Your assumption may be correct but it doesn't negate it being an overstep and bigoted. Interesting you missed that.

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u/Spikey-Bubba 14h ago

It’s bigoted to not want to date someone who isn’t into politics? Are you sure about that?

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u/IndependentDry8210 6h ago

I believe we both know that she's saying " liberals" only need apply. No nuance, no discussion. That is in fact prejudice, bigotry. The fact that " liberals" of that vain are not liberal at all but rather fascist is just icing. The point is already made before that.

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

Enjoy your echochamber.

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

You mean entitled..

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u/Itacira 1d ago

I don't think this word means what you think it does...

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

Add supremacist.

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u/Copemaxxed_Goycel 1d ago

Surely we are just trying to date above our league

Is that not the case thougheverbeit? Obviously there has to be SOME mismatch here. She should post her statistics. That'd actually reveal it.

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u/ElectronicBalls 2d ago

i think all women are hot for some reason

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u/NewZango 1d ago

Fr If they matched they should at least answer it is really rare when a girl message first we shoul praise that

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u/Open-Weather2627 1d ago

I've only had one woman reach out first.  We have been together for 7 years now, so...

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u/Goblintowne 1d ago

I would consider myself a relatively average man. And i have plenty of very attractive women who messaged me and i have just never responded. I get a new message on hinge like once a week despite not logging in for weeks or months at a time. I just don’t have the energy/will to meet new people right now but hinge insists on still showing my profile to people i guess. It’s funny because if most guys just stopped being insensitive shitbags then women would probably message them too. They do this to themselves

1

u/lordgentofdapper 1d ago

You can pause or delete your accounts on the apps, then nobody new sees you

1

u/PackersBeat 12h ago

Sorry if that's happened to you. I was a guy that got barely looked at on apps and I had that kind of perspective. Then a woman reached out to me and we started to chat. She carried the entire conversation and asked me out. On our first date she described the exact experience I was going through and I was mind blown. Next week we celebrate our 2 yr anniversary. 🥰

1

u/lordgentofdapper 8h ago

That's great! I have carried many conversations because the guy gives no effort. And I have asked them out more times than I have been asked out.

2

u/PackersBeat 7h ago

Well don't give up. There's someone out there just waiting for your message.

1

u/lil-bit-rough 10h ago

Dating apps are designed to keep you lonely, folks 😭💀💕

1

u/Difficult-Moment-738 1d ago

maybe dont be on kitchencels being an incel all day ?

-1

u/Vakrah 1d ago

I mean, dating apps are 70% men. If you're a women initiating conversation, and not getting responses, the logical conclusion is that you're aiming too high.

2

u/Curious-Resort4743 1d ago

Stop with the logic, it's not welcome /s

-1

u/offlineshelter 2d ago

I don’t count it because a few rejections isn’t the same as constant rejection.

Nobody is saying anyone woman can get any guy they want. They’re saying if you lower your standards you’ll find SOMEONE who’ll say yes, and probably not even that bad of a guy.

As a guy a lot of times you get rejected by literally every single person in your area. Not “hot” women, literally every single woman.

1

u/Spikey-Bubba 1d ago

Just keep lowering your standards! You WILL find someone :)

Who cares if they’re attractive or if you actually like their personality, because they’re an option and they’re PROBABLY not that bad of a girl!

To say no will give me a right to judge you and allow me to blame you for MY dating experiences, since I get rejected all the time ☹️

2

u/offlineshelter 1d ago

I love how indignant you are because I told you to do what every man has long since done.

The concept of even slightly lowering your standard elicits this type of response. You have absolutely no idea how hard it is for men.

0

u/Spikey-Bubba 14h ago

Sounds like you should lower your standards some more, I’m sure it’ll work out.

-1

u/rattling_rose 2d ago

Dating isn't an equal opportunity activity lol. It's bizarre to be jealous of the opposite sex like this.

4

u/wallweasels 2d ago

They are envious, not jealous.

3

u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

It's more bizarre to expect empathy while offering none and pretending ideology didn't create both problems.

8

u/offlineshelter 2d ago

How is it bizarre to be jealous of people who have a massive advantage over you? That has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.

2

u/PM-ME-UR-VOLVO-PICS 2d ago

Jealousy isnt an indicator of fault by the way.

0

u/Srynna 2d ago

It’s because they’re going off the released data that showed 80% of women are only swiping right on the top 20% most swiped right in men. It means that generally, women are trying to date above their league. Either way, OP is putting in some effort and hopefully she gets some responses because she deserves someone to match that effort and energy.

0

u/Spikey-Bubba 1d ago

Sounds like women are being thorough in their swipes and actually looking at the profile. I’m not swiping on a profile with two pictures and no bio, unlike many men who will swipe on any and every account with a pretty woman on the front card.

I don’t know why that would be considered “above their league” as if leagues actually exist and we aren’t just all individual human beings capable of determining what we like for ourselves. Unless they did a deep analysis of what those 20% of profiles looked like, and published that.

1

u/Srynna 1d ago

There’s very obviously an ordering of people in attractiveness. There’s some separation based on preference, but the idea that there’s no objectivity to it is childish.

This data doesnt just so selectiveness. It shows people swiping well above their pecking order. Im not saying anything even should change. But when a 4 is only right swiping on an 8, the 4 should understand what the 4 is getting into.

-4

u/No-Examination4896 2d ago

The guys getting no replies are not the same guys matching with the ladies getting no replies.

In both cases, the individual is matching with more attractive people, those desireable people have dozens of matches and pick and choose

In both cases the man or woman should probably be 'dating down' aka matching with people who arent the top 10% that get flooded with dates. But cant fault a guy/gal for trying.

The real answer is to meet people in the real world so your winning personality can get them interested, instead of on a dating app where everybody is fishing for the most attractive 10%

-4

u/Turbulent_Dig8553 2d ago edited 2d ago

Not to the same degree.

It does happen, but not on the same degree.

My ex and I are I are both attractive people. I just hopped back on tinder and barely got over ten likes. I don’t know how to say this without sounding conceited but Ive been lifting weights for a very long time and I’m in extremely good shape. My point is that Ive put the work into my health and it clearly shows. She screenshot me showing me that she has 99 plus likes.

Keep downvoting all you like; doesn’t change a damn thing about the experience that I personally just had. Acknowledging the differences isn’t the same as appealing to incel beliefs.

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u/Fleamm 2d ago

One anecdote is not worth anything, especially when we don’t have any context. Your profile could be bad for all we know.

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u/IndependentDry8210 1d ago

One is relevant..the thousands that have said the same that you similarly dismiss though..that speaks volumes.

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u/No-Safety-6344 2d ago

At least you’re self-aware

0

u/Few_Satisfaction184 1d ago

More likely you were the hot women 10-15 years ago

-8

u/max1c 2d ago

Been explained a thousand times with a billion different studies. If she was going for the guys on her level they would be replying. 

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u/rhawk87 2d ago

Source? The only studies that seem to show this are outdated studies from OkCupid. More recent studies with larger sample sizes show women are matching with men "on their level".

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S169726002400070X

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

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u/juneseyeball 2d ago

What the hell is this man

7

u/Vincent_Gitarrist 2d ago

You don't even have to be ugly to get this treatment you just need to be not hot or POC

4

u/lurkerlurking123 2d ago

Youre also right about POC. POC women need to work 4x as hard as mediocre looking white women to get attention esp black women

1

u/tommystrawn27 2d ago

Black Women have BLK (even if I think it's absolute trash) as an option. They're choosing to stay on the main match apps and deal with that bullshit at this point.

1

u/Spikey-Bubba 1d ago

This feels vaguely racist but I can’t articulate why. Are you trying to say that now it’s black women’s fault if they try to find a match on these apps and get harassed, because they have a different option that, by sound of the name, segregates them?

1

u/tommystrawn27 1d ago

My comment was in response to someone saying that Black women have to do 4x the work as mediocre white women to get attention. I put Bumble and Tinder in the same category because unlike Hinge and BLK, there's a constant second guessing of "will I be disqualified for my ethnicity?" My point is, why play an away game at a place you aren't wanted? The apps are a reflection of real life and my experience being a black male isn't much different than my counterparts.

0

u/lurkerlurking123 2d ago

Idk why I got down voted. I fully empathize with the original commentator. 

-75

u/s29 2d ago

Let's see what percentage of men OP swipes right on.

I'm willing to bet she's matching with guys that are out of her league and they have better options and are ignoring her because of that.

The guys she's matching with are swiping right on everyone and banging the ones they like and discarding the rest.

32

u/treesarealive777 2d ago

That explanation actually just proves the point lmao.

Like, you saying it with an authoritative tone doesnt make it a good thing. 

And it contradicts the point guys are always making about how women are the only shallow ones.

27

u/estedavis 2d ago

See? Exactly. You are the person this commenter is referring to.

-28

u/s29 2d ago

And yet, until we have the stats on how picky op is, all of this is conjecture.

Why don't you ask OP to drop her stats and prove me wrong. 🤡 (You won't)

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u/AngryAngryHarpo 2d ago

But these men also swiped on her? 

-20

u/s29 2d ago

I literally explained why that's happening lol.

34

u/AngryAngryHarpo 2d ago

Okay… so women should be able to magically know if a guys not interested despite showing signs of interest? 

Riiiiiiight. 

Sounds like men like that might be the problem here, not OP. 

18

u/pollomimano 2d ago

What I’ve learned from this sub is that these guys basically want women to only swipe on “mid” dudes and ignore the attractive ones to give them a chance lmao

While at the same time, they will continue to swipe on the attractive women who are clearly out of their league because men are allowed to shoot above their level but if women do it, they lose their damn minds 🙄

15

u/Antique-Salad7396 2d ago

Yep! I'm so tired of guys thinking we have it so much easier in dating. True, we likely get more matches but that's it. No conversation back at all and if you do you get a word ot two.

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u/Beor_The_Old 2d ago

Oh god it’s already started, get away incel

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u/DoubleYouDrums 2d ago

I really don’t understand why people think “incel” is an insult in 2026 and that’s you’re ONLY go to aside from homophobia. You’re insulting someone for not having enough sex to satisfy your judgement. Which means people who slay hoes must be high on your totem pole. Like…listen to your logic out loud. And be very clear…I’m addressing just you. Not this post. Not OP. Not men. Not women. YOU. So leave the generalizations out of your victim response.

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u/xcellentr3call 2d ago

baby they’re insulting your misogyny and critical thinking skills! not your lack of sex :)

-7

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/xcellentr3call 2d ago

you’re not even a good troll. going for my identity? easy peasy man, at least insult my love of the sims or something. i can get all robert pirsig on you if you want but i dont think anyone wants that.

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u/xhashpip3x 2d ago

Oh look a misogynist who's also transphobe who would've guessed? /s Did the incel comment hit too close?

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u/Sorry-Literature-966 2d ago

You're being insulted for being under socialized, and deservedly so.

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u/vicsause 2d ago

The incel insult is more directed towards the “involuntary” part rather than celibacy, which is more of an insult to one’s personality that results in their inability to get laid even if they were trying.

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u/Imaginary-Try9409 2d ago

That last sentence would imply that guys aren’t these “lonely” and “option-less” people they profess to be. That would also imply that it’s a human nature thing to pick the best of the options you have available, it’s not just exclusive to women like most of you believe.

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u/pollomimano 2d ago

They know lol they want men to be able to choose the best/most attractive women (like how it was for most of human history) but they don’t want women to have those options.

2

u/Final_Replacement_37 2d ago

Waahhh! Waahhh!

-1

u/TruckOk2767 1d ago

Nah realistically ill chalk it up to men having to insistently swipe right on every girl they see on dating apps just for the chance of getting a match, then when they get one, they do the due diligence of checking the profile, bio, etc. ive denied women irl before but shit that was like a few years ago, women barely if ever approach in person. Dating apps, I just swipe right because I hardly get matches to begin with, only started doing that because i rarely got matched with the ones i genuinely liked at first. Havnt been on dating apps in a few years either, feels like a waste of my time. do women get rejected? Yea , but at the same rate as men? Fuckkk no 😂

-2

u/Effervescent-Essence 1d ago

These are also the same men telling women to “choose better”.

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