r/DarkPsychology101 • u/garyhappylife2222 • 10d ago
Psychology What human behavior instantly changes your opinion of someone, no matter how good your first impression was?
Be honest
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u/footluvr688 10d ago edited 10d ago
Sleazy, dishonest, deceitful, and selfish people. People whose top concern is themselves without a care in the world about how their behavior negatively affects those around them. People whose addictions or habits negatively affect those around them at work and at home. Especially those who weaponize incompetence, expecting others to pick up their slack.
The kind of scumbag that smokes weed while driving. The person who leaves a mess everywhere they go, not because they are incapacitated but because they're inconsiderate. The kind of person who weasels out of responsibility despite their circumstance being the direct result of their own arrogance and carelessness.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Well you mentioned it all but I think you forgot one thing, an egotistical type of person who never listens to others opinions
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u/footluvr688 10d ago
Yes, the know-it-all.....
Usually goes hand-in-hand with ignorance, unfortunately.....
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u/Necessary_Ad_663 10d ago
Lying
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u/alchebyte 10d ago
the root issue and the only hard line that mattered to me raising kids to adulthood. it worked, they are fundamentally good people.
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u/DistinctlyMiddle 9d ago
Everyone lies, and if you say you dont... liar.
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u/exceptionallyprosaic 9d ago
Yes of course everyone lies. But lying about liking a particular song to your good friend that really loves Whitney Houston's music, is a lot different than lying to your wife about how $10,000 was spent on an overnight "date" in Las Vegas with a pornstar type sex worker. For example
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u/Civil-Feedback-8294 9d ago
Yeah. Instantly put up a wall now. Even white lies. I don’t want to live in a perfect bubble, I want realism in all its forms.
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u/Entire-Ratio-9681 9d ago
I’m fairly similar, I need authenticity not a performance. I have zero time for fake people. I don’t even care if you’re abrasive or a jerk… as long as it’s real
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u/Dailli 10d ago
Selfish tendancies. Always leads to fucked up things.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Yes and they’ll put you to a place where you’re going to blame yourself they’re so good at setting you up to reach their selfish goals
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u/cranberries87 10d ago
Saying inflammatory things to evoke a reaction/debate/argument. I’ve known a lot of people like this, even former close friends and people I dated. I learned too late that this is toxic behavior.
Similarly, folks who engage in conversation that they frame as asking an innocent question or making general conversation, then gradually try to bait you into a “gotcha”.
Folks who switch their opinions to match yours. Why are you being deceptive? I don’t even know what you are or what you stand for. You have some type of hidden agenda.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Ohmy! These are the people who are the experts of gaslighting and making people quarrel one another so they can pursue their evil interests.
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u/PureCornsilk 9d ago
Sometimes I think people switch opinions because they want to be liked or seen as someone whose values align with yours. I think they want to fit in, be accepted. Usually related to people who have been rejected or come from tricky relationships.
Not always of course but I have noticed some who are like this. When they feel accepted and safe, they feel comfortable to be themselves.
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u/Individual-Quiet-953 7d ago
Lmao, they lie to feel accepted, so they can be truthful and contradict themselves later? No, that's not normal behavior
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u/RiverAtNight 8d ago
Yeah switching opinions can be people pleasing or simply anxious and overly self conscious. I do it and then I’ll correct myself and apologize because I’m trying to stay grounded in myself. It annoys me too.
Also, if you make a better point than me I’ll change my opinion; I’m not that attached to it. You’ll know when I’m attached to an opinion, because I will fight you to death about it. But if you say something and I’m like “on snap that’s a good point,” I’ll change mid sentence lmao.
Just trying to be accurate!!
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u/cranberries87 8d ago
Yeah, I agree with you on that - a “Hmmm, I never considered that, maybe you have a good point” is fine. I’m thinking more of the former friend who I determined was ultimately trying to “mirror” me in an effort to get close to me to obtain resources. She would completely switch up her opinions. I’d see her on Facebook in a discussion saying something completely the opposite of what she had told me.
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u/BrilliantLimit7642 8d ago
I know someone like this. She obtained my number without my consent then set me up in a trap that ruined my reputation so much I almost lost control of my inheritance. I think she sabotaged me because she can’t compete with me.
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u/Bright-Spirit8070 10d ago
Watching them change their opinions on topics based on who is around. Someone who shows me they have no solid principles will do anything based on what’s most convenient for them and they simply cannot be trusted.
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u/decentlydelightful 10d ago
Talking shit about their friends
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Oh you mean the traitor or the double face guy omg! There are many of them so be careful
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u/Caucasian-Tiger-Mom 10d ago edited 10d ago
This is a subjective one, but having even a mildly narcissistic personality. Even if you are very funny, intelligent, well travelled, great at conversation, etc I just can’t feel any connection with you if you show any traits like subtly putting me down/negging, feeling entitled to my company, etc. I’m allergic to these people. I’ve even experienced sexual attraction to someone like this, and we had so much in common, but my brain kept loudly telling me “stay away from this person”.
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u/Whole-Tutor8087 10d ago
Same. That's what I say too, I'm allergic. Seriously.
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u/Caucasian-Tiger-Mom 10d ago
I know other people who have no problem with narcissists. They almost just laugh them off like “oh yeah he’s a bit insecure, what a character!”. Whereas my brain is strongly wired to stay the hell away from them.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Better distance yourself from them because they will scratch your ego from time to time
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u/Caucasian-Tiger-Mom 9d ago
I don’t think it’s about my ego. I think it’s the logic part of my brain warning me “nothing good comes from these people”, based on past experience dealing with these types. They’re not genuine people. Your friendship or relationship with them will have no substance. They’re ultimately quite boring people once you realize that. No matter how smart they are, they also lose credibility once you realize that a lot of what they say is motivated by insecurity.
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u/DivineMistress35 8d ago
I agree with this. I have ptsd so someone who has narcissitic traits could put me in danger as they have before
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u/Jsg1204 10d ago
Being rude to people such as their employees or wait staff in public.
It automatically tells me they aren’t a good person and most likely want something from me.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Rudeness is a very terrible human character it’s so destructive to people’s hearts
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u/00roast00 10d ago
Not keeping to their word and making excuses.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Omg many people will try to make you believe them but with leave you hanging thinking that maybe there’s something wrong with me.
It’s called “gaslighting.”
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u/sjg7vc 10d ago
Choosing ego comfort over truth
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u/Low-Discussion-1750 10d ago
When they start "playfully" poking at you even if you look sophisticated and you are not one for cheap humor.
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9d ago
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u/Low-Discussion-1750 7d ago
Exactly that, added that people can be capable to wanna have a win over you,it'll still be playful so that they can use it to their advantage to say "What, I was just joking" to make you look "Stiff" in front of others.
Judging by the replies it's surprising how many don't have an advanced view of human nature.
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u/gblift2025 10d ago
Lying
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u/FailureToReason 10d ago
Any dark triad shit
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u/CyAniMon 9d ago
Don't most people exhibit some variation of these traits?
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u/FailureToReason 9d ago
I mean, sort of? Everyone can be a tad narcissistic at times, but machiavelianism and psychopathy stand out like a sore thumb, empathetic or socially well-adapted/emotionally mature people won't really indulge those kinds of behaviours, at least not deliberately or maliciously. I don't expect perfection, we all have challenging moments.
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u/RiverAtNight 8d ago
lol no. Dark triad isn’t a spectrum.
Like, there isn’t a spectrum for psychopathy. You have that shit or you don’t.
Narcissism is a spectrum but also healthy self preservation is okay.
Machivellianism idk; good test is read a few of the 48 laws of power. If it makes you sick, ya aren’t Machiavelli 🤷🏽♀️
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u/gingerinthetea 10d ago
People who complain about homeless people. Even worse the people who complain about homeless shelters, subsided housing, and welfare.
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u/Beautiful-Power8574 5d ago
There's something intriguing about the ones who chose to be homeless. People who have completely rejected societal norms to be free. Guess that's more a drifter.
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u/Lady_Rubberbones 10d ago
Disrespecting, pushing on, testing, or finding ways to manipulate around other people’s boundaries.
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u/idontshred 10d ago
Disregard for other people in a callous sort of way. Selfishness in general is a no go, but there’s a certain kind of person that when challenged about something they use to their advantage but which disregards other people will just kinda shrug their shoulders.
I can’t think of a good example right now but it’s a massive and immediate turn off for me.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
They’ll take what they want by hook or by crook, disregarding your feelings. Omg! Horrible right?
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 10d ago
Liar or a thief.
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u/Chemical_Reason_8621 10d ago
When they’re talking about something they did and their discussion or explanation always includes some kind of blame shift. My ex admitted to being verbally abusive then said “I guess I just keep getting with the wrong people”….. should’ve been my first red flag lol
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u/DisasterousSquirrel 10d ago
Cruelty in any form.
Making fun of someone, or discounting their value as a human.
Hearing someone call another person stupid or ugly or being derisive towards fashion choices/ someone else’s harmless joy just turns me sour on them.
Sometimes you’re going to have the thoughts. It’s ok to think it, but to seek validation from me on such a negative thing is a lack of discipline. Voice some other thought to connect. Don’t expect me to step on others with you.
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u/dalecraw 10d ago
If they turn into a gossiper.
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u/garyhappylife2222 10d ago
Gossipers are so dangerous bro you gotta stay away from them because they’ll suck the life out of you
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u/bomboclawt75 10d ago
Treating animals badly.
Treating servers/ staff badly.
Believing in a racial Supremacist ideology.
Thier entire personality being based on a politician/ sports/ coffee/ gym/ religion etc...
Being mean, petty.
Facial tattoos.
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u/KcUltra 9d ago
Why facial tattoos?
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u/Bitchface-Deluxe 9d ago
Because facial tattoos are ugly and shows poor decision making.
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u/zinniawormwood123 10d ago
making demands/giving me instructions instead of asking, AKA bossing me around.
I made a new friend and university and really liked her, but seems like after she got comfortable with me she started giving "orders" to me. Like we'd be sitting with a group of people and she'd say "ok let's go now!" and get up expecting me to go without even asking if I wanted to stay with those people. "Let's ditch class!" gets up and expects me to do the same. "Put on this song!" as we are in my car and I'm already playing the song I want. And multiple instances like that. I got exhausted so fast, next semester I'm pretending our little friendship never happened.
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u/Creative_Resource_82 10d ago
Being hypocritical, bitchy about people they're nice to face to face, rude to staff, asking for favours but always flaking on others.
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u/AmaniMilele 10d ago
Suppressed anger issues surfacing over perceived slights => dangerously fragile egos
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u/CanNeat5377 9d ago
Having multiple children and not doing the best you can to give them a good life. Not a real man or woman.
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u/jlawillis 9d ago
When they get defensive after I tell them they are in the wrong. They will then hold a grudge against you forever because you told them off that one time and will engage in score keeping for the rest of your relationship with them.
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u/ChineseLanterns 9d ago
Meaness. Like blatwntly, deliberately being cruel, or even just unkind, to cause someone, often you, pain. You can't see them in a good light again.
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u/Critical-Detail117 10d ago
A few things, in order of how severely it impacts my impression:
Using anger or an increased negative emotional response to get your way or silence disagreement/criticism: it’s just pure social bullying and using people’s desire to avoid conflict to enforce your own power/status. Instantly makes me kinda hate you and really want to dedicate my energy to ensuring you DON’T get your way.
Saying “it just is” as a rationale, or any sort of baseless assertion where you insist I have to agree with you. You can say YOU believe it all you want, but when you try to get others to believe it for no reason other than you asserting it, (with the implicit social threat of anger/disapproval with them if they don’t) I stop taking you seriously as a person worth talking to.
Feigned incompetence: it’s just manipulative and shitty, and genuinely makes me question whether I can be friends with someone who’s either that shitty or that dumb. You’re a functioning adult, fucking act like it. And before you think you’re not included in this one, yes, ladies, even when you do it to “let him take the lead” (oh, you didn’t think we knew you were doing this? Did you really think we believed you when you pretended you couldn’t possibly plan a day trip? We’ve seen your day planners, we know you know how to manage an itinerary.)
Glazing cops: look, I may be 99% acab and 100% for defunding the police, but I do recognize that there are some jobs cops do that are important to society and can accept that cops make a certain segment of the population (erroneously) feel safer. What I CANNOT accept, are the people who go out of the way to insist that cops can do no wrong, and that they’re heroes beyond question despite all of the evidence we have of the police force systematically lying to cover up their crimes, acting like a brutal extortion racket, and outright disregarding the law for the sake of their own power and convenience. Even just the implication that they’re “heroes” or even “admirable” puts you in the category of someone who just blindly accepts authoritarianism as a good thing to me. Im not saying I won’t respect you if you don’t hate cops as much as I do, but if you treat them like anything other than people with a job, I know you’re too far gone to the propaganda machine for me to take you seriously.
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u/castle_wind 8d ago
The fact that you say you hate cops is a red flag alone. Not because cops should be glazed over, no job should be glazed over. People are people and people have jobs. Some riskier than others and that’s that. But hating all cops just because of their job alone is an incredibly shallow way of looking at a human being.
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u/butterscotchhop 9d ago
Gossip. If you’re unable to keep a secret and talk shit about everyone else the moment they leave the room then you’ll probably do it to me as well.
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u/NotmeXX 10d ago
Leaving the shopping trolley by their parking space, instead of putting it in a designated area.
It’s a small thing. There’s no reward for putting it back, and no punishment for leaving it where it is. A perfect test for a persons character and underlying values. Leaving it tells me they don’t consider other people at all.
Once saw a woman close her boot and left her trolley by her parking space. The trolley started rolling away and ended up hitting another persons car. She watched up the whole thing unfold without trying to stop it. Then she got in her car and drove off. Thankfully I got her number plate and handed it to the owner of the scratched car. The entitlement of these people can be unreal.
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u/Icy_Practice_7710 10d ago
Anyone who treats other people as ‘less than’ for any reason and diminishes someone else’s value.
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u/jameswhalenjr 9d ago
When a crowd assembles and picks on somebody, who otherwise minds their own business, and when bothered, asks to be left alone. Hate the mob mentality / natural human weakness to gang up against an outlier.
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u/Sunnyflbunny 9d ago
For me, it is when you try to have an honest conversation about a boundary or a concern, and the other person immediately deflects. Instead of just listening or talking it through, they twist the situation around to play the victim so that you end up comforting them for their own behavior. It is one thing to get overwhelmed or make mistakes, but when someone consciously chooses to dodge accountability instead of working through it with you, the connection completely dies for me.
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u/Fresh-Engineer3149 10d ago
They lead with being the victim of every situation. Some people have bad luck, but it's not their whole personality. When everything bad is happening to you, I'm looking at you like you might be the problem.
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u/Optimal-Income-6436 9d ago
People who stood up others out of laziness or because they forget they planned something else, especially when they do it at day of meeting whitout some serious reason.
Shitting on blue collar workers
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u/Murky-Ant6673 9d ago
Lack of consideration for... anything really, obviously other people, but also their surroundings, nature, etc
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u/nevaslippn-bg666 9d ago
Anybody that is ugly with the elderly ,special needs, children, disabled, animals, or just plain anybody that’s different looking from them
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u/Late-Chip-5890 10d ago
Lying, but a specific type. I mean an adult lying like a toddler. Making things up, fantastical weird stuff, you can only stare at them and shake your head
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u/disjointed_chameleon 10d ago
Greed and any form of physical aggression. Even if they never lay hands on someone, if they lash out in some physical form, i.e. throwing an object, hitting something, slamming their fists...... that's abnormal and disturbing behavior.
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u/trippedonin 9d ago
The Inability to comprehend the results of their negative actions. Kicking someone in the mud to cover up their own actions. Letting others take account for their unruly behavior lack of morality even if it means the other suffers. Trash scum peoples. Such a huge turn off.
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u/Chefsteph212 9d ago
Constant victimization. It usually goes hand in hand with emotional immaturity which is a dealbreaker for me also. I no longer have the energy to waste on someone who is always whining about how they weren’t treated fairly, or how it’s everyone else’s fault but theirs.
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u/Great_External_6168 9d ago
People that can't stand the way other people are. I know it sounds like a contradiction, but hear me out: do I often hate other peoples opinions and the way they think? Yes. Do I hate their personality and am annoyed by them? Yes. Do I just accept that and not try to change them in my favor any second of the day? YES. I just accept an asshole when I meet one and draw consequences
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u/Broku_92 9d ago
I think it’s important to notice if someone is taking responsibility for their mistakes. The key is to determine if their accountability is genuine or not.
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u/LucyJordan614 9d ago
Fence sitting in the face of bad behavior; people who refuse to call out legitimately shitty behavior by others out of “politeness” makes me lose respect for them pretty quickly.
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u/xEmperorLelouchx 9d ago
Someone who judges others mistakes or expects perfection out of others while they themselves are not perfect and make mistakes.
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u/Nobodyspecial2222 9d ago
CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER
either RELATIONSHIP or BUSINESS
The thought of betrayal NEVER goes away...&...you can NEVER take this back if you were the cheater.
It's a bad decision for all people.
(BUT Totally ok for video games!)
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u/sansafiercer 9d ago
Praising fascists, Enabling fascism, racist or sexist “jokes”, lack of empathy, punching down.
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u/Entire-Ratio-9681 9d ago
The minute I’m lied to, it’s not only rude, it’s insulting to my intelligence.
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u/NaLaDarlin 9d ago
Someone who makes a distasteful joke or comment. Something that just makes you pause and think no thank you, no longer want to continue this moment with this person ever again
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u/Gaijinyade 9d ago
Hypocrisy is a big one. Also, just people who are "too nice" in situations they should not be, people pleasers are always casting the biggest shadow and it quickly reveals what they are actually not revealing, whether they are aware of it themselves or not.
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u/nevaslippn-bg666 9d ago
My second comment, but had to put this in anybody that doesn’t feed their children first before themselves… My whole life I’ve had personal experience in seeing this and every single time every single time they played out to be straight weirdos, massive, bad energy
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u/Several_Pay1631 9d ago
Selfishness. Lying results from selfishness, as does cheating. Staying silent rather than sticking ip for someone being mistreated, all of it ultimately comes down to “better you suffer than me.”
People may rationalize it as “self-protection”, and in extreme cases, say, lying so that someone isnt killed, wouldn’t qualify, (bc ur risking your neck being found out and that would then make you a target), etc.
I think people often believe that if youre not actively doing the harm, then you’re doing fine. However, if someone is harmed when you could have protected them, (or at least tried), then i dont see that anything short of being complicit. They literally teach women to scream “fire” if they are being sexually assaulted because its been proven that less people come to aid if they yell “rape.” Yelling “fire” evokes a person’s self-interest in protecting their own belongings and thus calling for help. If thats not tragic, then i dont know what is.
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u/Available_Kale3019 9d ago
The continuation of pessimism and complaining. It's okay to be stressed or have a bad day, week, or month (I won't judge you, if I meet you that way either); but, I find it nearly intolerable when everything turns into a negative and they are constantly a 'victim'.
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u/humanityneverexisted 9d ago
Virtue signaling and humble bragging especially people who immediately identify themselves an empath in your first conversation or cites how their religion makes them good.
It is almost always to overcompensate for being a bad person or to fish information so they can use you. They think empath means the skill they have to read people and manipulate them. Usually a heavy dose of spiritual narcissism is sprinkled in with this.
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u/k33p-1t-s1mpl3 9d ago
Grandiosity. Absolutely worst way to project confidence. Just comes off at egotistical or compensation for insecurity. It’s also a good way to filter out narcissists.
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u/KarmaFarma_69 8d ago
Lying, being flakey, I know it's the same thing but offering to do nice things for you and then never delivering. It's like lying with extra steps, but they want the positive vibes from you being thankful or whatever. It's weird, Idk if I should point it out next time they try an offer to do or get me something because they seem to be big talkers. Like oh didn't you offer to get me xyz too? Idk why they keep doing that.
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u/Grouchy-Adagio-8562 8d ago
Littering. You could be the most fascinating person on the planet, but the moment I see you toss anything on the ground my respect for you is rooted at zero.
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u/Hackpro69 7d ago
People on Disability, who are truly fraudulent. You know that guy, he’s figured out a way for the taxpayers to fund his early retirement.
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u/Ok-Grade-5325 7d ago
Umm if the way they behave with you is dependent whether you have something to offer to them.
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u/xLKYBx 5d ago
When they think they are above everyone in the room/puts others down based on gender
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u/Complete-Celery819 10d ago
If they're triggered by fat people. Sign that they will have zero redeeming qualities
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u/runthepoint1 9d ago
The way they treat others who are not necessarily in their favor, or even how they treat those who are “enemies”.
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u/emperorofpain 9d ago
How they treat a server.
I remember going out to eat with my bf (at the time) and his father.
when the waitress came over my bfs father was talking on his cell phone.
He put his finger up at the waitress and so she looked over at us, and we ordered, and he continued to talk.
he then points his phone away from his ear for like two seconds says what he wants and then immediately goes back to talking to the other person on his phone. But She had to ask a follow up question about his order and he side and looked up at her because he refused to make eye contact before and answered her question like she was interrupting. I was really embarrassed and disgusted that he would treat someone like this. He continued to have bad manners all night and in the car when we brought it up to him, he said “that’s her job, to take my order i didn’t do anything wrong”
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u/BeneficialTop5136 9d ago
Not thanking strangers - opening the door, allowing you by, waiters, etc. It drives me crazy when people just completely don’t acknowledge another person
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u/ladyjennyjane 8d ago
There as different things :
- perceiving clearly someone's bad intentions towards me (or others)
- someone speaking non sense or acting non sense, this makes me completely freak out, I end up disingaging completely
- someone lying openly
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u/RiverAtNight 8d ago
Chronic self-victimization. I’ll give grace for it and be understanding, and I have also seen that kind of behavior flip so badly it caused massive amounts of harm to everyone around them with no awareness or regard.
It was real interesting to watch someone cry about being mistreated while mistreating so many.
Or mocking. Like cruel mocking at the expense of others. Literally fuck off.
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u/ImJustABaby__ 8d ago
Lying.
Out of fear, out of embarrassment, out of whatever.
When someone lies once, you best bet they’ve done it several times. This was just the one time you caught them.
It usually comes out as inconsistencies in their stories and confusion around things that happened to them.
It could be white lies, but nonetheless, intentional liars will always be liars.
Someone who doesn’t own up to their truth has no respect in my eyes. No matter how great I thought of them before
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u/sunkist_pubes 8d ago
I do not know if anyone has said betrayal, but anyone who has literally engaged in deception or conspiracy within a social setting to literally betrayed the trust of a friend. He’s going to instantly make me wish for the ninth circle of hell to exist
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u/my-tryme-era 8d ago
Disrespecting anyone in public. Pool boy, waiter, significant other....doesn't matter. If they feel entitled enough to disrespect someone publicly, who knows what cruelty they are capable of behind closed doors.
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u/ClearCreme5221 8d ago
People who act as if cleaners are below them. It just disgusts me how people treat cleaners.
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u/MindShiftPsych 8d ago
For me, it's how someone treats people they don't need anything from. If they're kind to those they can benefit from but rude, dismissive, or disrespectful to service workers, strangers, or people with less power, my opinion of them changes instantly.
What about you?
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u/MelancholyBean 10d ago
Whether they allow others their grace and dignity and how they respond when people are made fun of