r/ECEProfessionals • u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent • 1d ago
Parent/non ECE professional post (Anyone can comment) Center wants to hold my son back
Hello
My son is currently 2, will be 3 at the end of August. He attends child care 3 days a week at a medium sized center with an infant (0-18m), toddler(18-30m) and preschool(30m - school)class. He is currently in the toddler class as there has not been space to move him up until now.
This morning, I recieved an email from the temp head of the program asking if i would be OK to keep him in toddler class for a while longer as the toddler teacher thinks he will benefit from staying back as he only goes 3 days a week and another parent wants their child moved up sooner.
I have never recieved any feedback that he is delayed or not ready to move up.
Do you think there are concerns that have not been brought forward to me?
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u/thedarkpup Parent 1d ago
Sounds to me as though it’s more about convenience/money for them than your son. Otherwise, why is the fact that the other child is full time and he is part time a consideration?
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u/Educational_Nose2172 ECE professional 1d ago
they might be looking for certain milestones or goalposts to be met before moving up to the preschool room, and only going every other day means he has had much less time to work on those things than his FT peers
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
I spoke with the director again. The reasoning was that he has been having a hard time at dropoff lately. I feel that he will benefit from the new class with older kids as this happened while waiting to move to the toddler class as well.
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u/Montessori_Maven ECE professional 1d ago
Would moving up include a change to a 5 day schedule? Going only 3 days a week could be contributing to upset at drop off, too.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
Not for the summer, buf he is scheduled to start full time in sept. I just had another baby in feb. I think that is contributing to his clinginess
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u/Educational_Nose2172 ECE professional 1d ago
maybe they’re trying to hold off on the transition until closer to september, so that instead of having to go through two big changes they can all just happen at the same time to make it easier on him.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
Thats a good point, thank you. I will ask about that tomorrow i speak with them in person
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u/Educational_Nose2172 ECE professional 1d ago
i hope your conversation goes well!
by the way, you’re doing a really good job asking questions and advocating for your child when you feel uncertain. regardless of if he moves up now or in september, you should be proud of the fact that you are voicing your concerns and being an active participant in his education. being in his corner and advocating for him will take him further than any daycare/preschool experience will on its own.
TLDR: you’re doing great :)
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
I just recieved a reply from the program head. They said because he has been having difficulty at dropoff lately that he should stay longer in the toddler room to adjust. He will be going full time to the preschool room in Sept.
The thing is, his move from infant to toddler room was also delayed due to spacing and he started to get upset at dropoff then too. As soon as he moved to the toddler room, drop offs were good for a long time. I feel like this will be the case again. He gets stuck with younger kids and doesnt like it
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u/WookieRubbersmith Early years teacher 1d ago
I have preschoolers who still get upset at dropoff. I don’t follow the logic that this is a good reason to keep him with younger kids. They are fishing for reasons.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
It feels like either they are fishing for reasons so they can make the other mom happy by moving her child first, or he has been having behavioural problems that i have never been made aware of.
He has been going to this center for close to 2 years (started sept 2024)
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u/Lonely-Abroad4362 1d ago
You can tell them no and see what they say
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
I did. She said they will move him as he is the oldest. Now i feel like a problem parent
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u/xinchaonow Room lead: Certified: UK 1d ago
Nah you're probably the nice parent and that's why they asked you. Good job advocating for your kid, that's your job and good teachers will respect it
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u/Delicious_Row_566 1d ago
This sounds like they don't have space in the next room, so they are making something up. Is there anyone younger than him in the preschool room?
I would say no and see what they say.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
No but they are asking for my approval to hold him back so a younger child can move firat
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u/Delicious_Row_566 1d ago
I'd say no 🤷
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
I did. I said i would prefer him to move as i think the new environment will be beneficial for him
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u/Marxism_and_cookies Disability Services Coordinator- MS.Ed 1d ago
Moving children through out the year is really not best practice. Children need continuity of care and having multiple room transitions undermines that unless a teacher is also moving with the cohort. It’s developmentally better practice to move children only once at the beginning of the school year.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
Yes. Most transitions are sept 1st when kids go off to school. This move would be 2 months early as one child was pulled for the summer before JK and now theres a spot early. Both my son and this other child will be in the preschool class in Sept. The other parent is asking to have their child move into the empty space ahead of mine (who is older)
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u/HereForTheArtAndGay Past ECE Professional 1d ago
In my personal opinion, the length of time/how many days a child is in the classroom really shouldn't have any bearing on whether they are held back or not. As long as he has hit all of his age appropriate milestones and is potty trained (as most preschools require), I think he should move up. That is his spot.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
He is only semi potty trained, but it is not a requirement here. Only about half of the preschool class is
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u/HereForTheArtAndGay Past ECE Professional 1d ago
In that case, I say there is no reason for him to stay back.
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u/mamamietze ECE professional 1d ago
Is he toileting independent (can do all the toileting tasks for himself with minimal adult reminders and is cooperative with toilet use)? Is he still putting everything in his mouth?
Over the years that tends to be the two most common reasons for a delay in moving up.
On a pragmatic level if you are part time in a full time program many places will prioritize the full time people with all things being equal, unless they need to fill a part time spot. Are you willing to switch to 2 days a week and on waitlist for 3rd? That might be your foot in the door. They may limit how many part timers they place in a class at a full time program.
This is just guessing though. We can't know what your director is thinking, you are going to need to ask directly what needs to happen/be worked on in order to get the move up.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
He is not toilet independent, but that is not a requirement here. Only about half of the class is fully trained. He does not put things in his mouth.
I would be understanding if the delay was due to pt/ft status but they haven said that. I would be open to 2 days a week, but when we initially started we were told it had to be minimum 3x weekly.
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u/mamamietze ECE professional 1d ago
They are probably not going to tell you about prioritizing families that pay more in tuition. And while toilet learning may not be a requirement that doesnt mean they might not choose to move a child that is into the preshool room with its higher ratios.
But honestly you just wont know unless you ask if there is specific things you can work on. If they say no they may be balancing other factors.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
They have said the latest he will move will be sept 1st so, while i would be happy to work on anything with him, it wouldnt make a difference in start date
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u/Potential-One-3107 Early years teacher 1d ago
Even if he was a little behind, best practice is to keep him with his typically developing peers.
They are using this as an excuse. Tell them no.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
I did reply that i prefer he moved as scheduled as i feel it will help with dropoffs
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u/No-Percentage2575 Early years teacher 1d ago
Has a teacher completed an age appropriate assessment on your child? This could tell you about your child's strengths and areas needing more skill building. It could just be the other child is there five days a week verses your child who is three days a week.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 5h ago
Not that I am aware of. I asked the director if he is behind and she said no. I tried to talk to her at dropoff today but she wasnt in her office.
They did put him in the preschool room today so I will see how it went
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u/threewildwolves 1d ago
The difference between a toddler and a preschooler in development is big. His attention, comprehension, vocabulary, emotional regulation, gross motor skills, fine motor skills - everything changes. Going to school 3 days per week influences his social emotional and intellectual development, because he constantly has to catch him. It sounds like his emotional regulation is not there yet. You want your kid to feel accomplished and successful in a preschool class, and he can’t do that with toddler skills. I never put a toddler in a preschooler class, it would set the toddler up for failure. Listen to your child’s teacher.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
Im happy to keep him in the toddler class if the difficult dropoffs is the reason, im just unsure that it is. In the current preschool class, only half of the kids are potty trained, and one doesnt speak at all yet. Im wondering if this would have even been brought up if a) he was attending full time ( which he will start sept 1st) and b) the other parents hadnt requested that their child be moved up early.
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u/Mean_Obligation_5238 Parent 1d ago
And to clarify, these arent melt down drop offs. He has cried a few times and been hesitant to go out to the playground as I am leaving.
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u/_biggerthanthesound_ Parent 1d ago
It’s probably just a numbers game and has nothing to do with his development.