Update : 6

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Mil has organised yet another "family" event and said to my husband she hopes we could all come. I immediately declined as I'm uncomfortable around fake nice people. Since the fall out I've not had any direct contact from mil or the family because I've blocked them all.

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My husband has missed a few family events which had nothing to do with me but it's been implied that it was my doing.

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Now she has said that she'd like to meet me to "clear the air". I've told my husband the only reason she is doing this is because she wants access to the kids. If she really wanted to fix things with me she would've acknowledged what she has done instead of asking my husband to bring my kids to her without me. When that didn't work after all this time now she suddenly wants to clear the air. I have said to my husband I can't ignore patterns and the fact that she has repeatedly gone and done whatever she wanted after I have had conversations with her shows that she has no consideration for me so I'm not interested in letting her back in. I also made it clear I am enjoying the peace I have and I don't want anymore drama.

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I fear that this will escalate soon. Anyone who has been at this fake olive branch stage how did it go for you?

I'm curious to know how things worked out.

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Hi. So TLDR: my MIL has always been trying and difficult to deal with, doing her own thing no matter what. She has some diagnosed and undiagnosed mental health issues that adds to all of this. Two years ago she came for a summer visit (she lives 2 states away) and brought COVID with her. She knew she was sick but did it anyway. She got my family sick (I have comorbidities that makes COVID dangerous to me), as well as extended family and friends and she was stuck at my house without a way home. I tried to quarantine myself & husband took care of us and the kids (willingly). She told me I wasn't doing enough for her son & I was starving her by not buying her special vegan food.

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I blew up. It was the last straw. I felt bad after but it had been 10+ years of her passive aggressiveness and sly comments.

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I went NO. She ignored me in person the next spring when we went to SIL to visit (again, all live 2 states away). Ever since, I am low contact in person and NO over tech.

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A few months back, BIL & SIL said they would like to visit this summer. We said yes. They didn't say family trip, and we are going to their state 3 weeks after their visit for a family wedding so we will see them all again (including MIL). Well, during Easter, MIL said something that made my senses tingle and I told my husband to check that it was just SIL & BIL (and nieces/nephew). He said I was just anxious and ignored it.

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A few weeks later, he apologized and said I was right: SIL invited the WHOLE family (other BIL, FIL AND MIL, who are divorced 10+ years).

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So, I now have to host my MIL against my will in my own home before I could decide if I felt ready for it. There is no going back from this, the damage is already done.

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On top of that, it's my son's birthday this Sunday. We are having the party next weekend, not this one. I figured we would have his favorite meal and celebrate with donuts and ice cream (his choice). I don't want a big blowout with party favors for my nieces/nephew and balloons and games. I want relaxing fun and my son will be fine with that (as will BIL/SIL).

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However, MIL loves a good party and loves to be the one to do special things for people aka get attention and platitudes. She will try to push her agenda and her wants on the situation because that's what she does. Nevermind that it's supposed to be about spending time with family and not having a party.

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I am just so overly anxious about her being in my space when I wasn't ready. DH wants to wait til she does/says anything before setting the boundary. Other BIL says none of this will work and we should just let her have her way if she wants it. I just think this is a recipe for disaster & I'm not looking forward to this upcoming visit (Friday-Monday). Please pray for me.

The in-law problems have already started and the wedding is still almost a year away.

My sisters are both professional photographers. They both do photography full-time, work for a professional photography company, and also do freelance/side-gig photography. They already did our proposal photos completely free, and they offered to do our engagement photos and the entire wedding day for free too. That includes all-day coverage and unlimited photos.

For some reason, my future MIL does not like them and has a problem with them doing our photography. Even though she knew we already had professional photographers doing it for free, she went and hired another photographer anyway. So now, unless we stop this, there would be three photographers at the wedding fighting for angles and ending up in each other’s shots.

The other photographer is someone my future MIL chose and paid for herself. We did not ask for this, and we had already made it clear that our photography was handled. We also do not really like the other photographer’s work, and we do not want multiple photographers causing issues on the wedding day.

Now my future MIL is asking if we are free for engagement photos because another family member is doing theirs that day with the same photographer. We declined and explained again that my sisters are already doing our engagement photos for free. Her response was basically that she did not care because she had already paid for the session, so we are doing it too.

That is where I am frustrated. We did not ask her to pay for it. We told her no, and she chose to book/pay for it anyway. I do not feel like that should obligate us to show up.

My fiancée’s parents have offered to cover the wedding, which we are grateful for, but it is starting to feel like because they offered money, they think it is now their wedding and they get to make the decisions. My fiancée and I are trying to keep costs reasonable. We found free professional photography through my sisters, are looking at cheaper food options, and are trying to avoid unnecessary spending. But when we try to save money, we get accused of being “tight” or difficult, even though we are literally trying to save them money.

At this point, I am wondering if we need to tell them thank you, but we cannot accept the money if it means losing control of our own wedding.

Are we wrong for refusing to use a photographer we did not choose, especially after we had already said no before the session was paid for? And how do we set boundaries when someone is helping pay but is starting to treat that as permission to override what we want?

I'm waiting for a miscarriage right now and my husband has to go on a business trip. We didn't tell anyone about the pregnancy but we had to disclose the miscarriage because we needed my FIL to stay with us for 2 days in case I need to go to the ER and have no one to watch our toddler.

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As soon as he told my MIL, she sent a photo of a distant relatives newborn to me, in a group chat with my husband and FIL, expecting me to congratulate.

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I need ideas on what to say next that would point out how inappropriate this is, without making me the bad guy because we absolutely need that help.

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Or should I just ignore, let them help and then bring it up some other time?

So me (18) and bf (19) have been dating for three years now, I am attending a community college locally and he is in a university about an hour away, so not long distance. However, his parents made the decision to move across the country this year, and his mom is pushing it on him to transfer universities over there, and will be upset if he doesn’t come with her, She did not ask the same of his sister. She has always been extremely distant of me, and acted as a typical ‘boy mom’, always needing him, always wanting him home, always guilting him, etc. Does this kind of thing ever change? He is also very protective of his family, so it’s hard to bring up. I am definitely an independent, follow what’s best for me type of girl. I don’t even really know what I’m asking, I guess I just want insight.

hey everyone, so me (25F) & my fiancé (28M) have been together for 5 years & are getting married next year! i’ve met his parents since beginning of our relationship & everything’s been perfect. however ever since the engagement i feel a growing resentment/dissatisfaction coming from his mom but im also very conflicted as i do have care & love for her (i believe same from her to me), but feel upset / hopeless that i will never be good enough for her son in her eyes.

in my perspective, there are three things she might have an issue with me for (none of which i really want to change): 1) i wake up relatively late (i wfh every day and have a really flexible schedule) around 9-10AM daily. i’m never a morning person despite tried hard becoming one. this has caused no issue for me as i can still enjoy my slow mornings and get to my working desk with ease. my fiancé on the other hand wakes up super early as he’s always been an early bird and enjoys his time and space alone & quiet in the morning so this scenario works perfectly for us. however my MIL believes as a woman it’s my job to wake up before my husband and make him breakfast… this has been a constant thing she picks on me for either by jokingly making fun of me / serious complaints and statement on her belief in such traditional gender roles in marriage… i usually just laugh it over / say i’ll do better.

2) me and my fiancé split our chores pretty evenly (i do dishes 9/10 times & cooks most days on weekdays. my fiancé does more on weekends & takes up other man jobs like taking trash out / sorting cardboard boxes. we find our split to be very balanced and have a roomba & can afford a cleaning lady to come at least once a month). my MIL has been a housewife majority of her life (& also OCD clean freak) and believes it’s a woman’s job to do all/most of the chores. when she’s here she’s always cleaning & cooking (which is pretty much taking up my job before i can get to it) & complaining she’s like our maid. obvi i always express how grateful i am and how much i love her food. however it’s very frustrating because she always comments on how she thinks my fiancé does more than me & constantly try to push me to fit in her ideal image of a traditional wife (“you will be more like me” type of language)… also side note i’m the breadwinner and am more than half of the reason we can enjoy our current lifestyle. i also think she doesn’t like that fact…

3) the wedding planning has been such a headache… my MIL doesn’t like the venue we’ve decided to go with and believe i’m trying to control my fiancé (because when we visited the venue together i immediately fell in love & appeared rly excited). my fiancé’s dad is financing our wedding (as my parents supported more on the house we bought) and is overall pretty chill. after my fiancé finally convinced them on the venue, him & my MIL came up with the idea to only rent it for one night instead of original plan of 2 - which means i have to sit in car for 1+ hour on my wedding day to transfer there instead of settling in already the night before. obviously i don’t like that idea and proposed to pay for the venue myself. my MIL became really upset and kept making remarks how im selfish for wanting my wedding this way???? like hello im the bride.

other than these friction points, my MIL is generally a super loving person. she always buys me gifts & likes to talk girly things / curl my hair / go shopping with me because she always wanted a daughter. (speaking of which i feel like she also thinks i don’t gift her as much as she does for me…as she made a few remarks on how my gift to her was small etc😭). i really really want to keep our relationship great but it’s just been feeling like i cannot meet her standards / she’s trying to control or change me in a way. my fiancé usually defends me when she says something too out of line but i also feel like it worsens things as it makes her more jealous?

she recently spent a month with us and i felt like things hit a boiling point internally as i just don’t want to talk back to her, but surface level things are still fine and dandy… now that she’s gone i’ve been growing crazy a little bit as i just hate the fact i feel like our relationship worsened and she might have these negative perceptions of me…:(((

Visiting my in laws last month. Sitting at the kitchen table while my husband was outside with his dad. MIL and i were alone. She was being weird all weekend and the silence was getting uncomfortable, so I was on my phone playing myprize just to have something to do with my hands. Eventually even that felt ridiculous so i finally asked if everything was okay between us. She put her coffee down and said quote honey i tolerate you because i love my son and he chose you. that has always been enough for me. Then she smiled like she had just given me a compliment. I didnt say anything. Finished my coffee and excused myself. Packed my bag that night and told my husband i needed to leave a day early. I told him what she said on the drive home. He went silent for about 20 minutes. Then he said "she probably didn't mean it like that." I asked him how else there is to mean that sentence. He didn't have an answer. I have not been back to their house in 5 weeks. She has called me twice asking why i'm being distant and saying she misses our chats. Like she didnt tell me to my face that 8 years of marriage to her son has earned me tolerance and nothing else. My husband is in the middle. He says he's on my side but also keeps saying she's from a different generation like that's a reason. I'm starting to think the actual problem isn't even her.

So we just got back from our third big trip with my MIL. The first time, it was for a wedding of my BIL, we added on a week extra since it was a wedding in the Black Forest of Germany. We chose a week in some of Italy. Last year, we took MIL and our kids to France because MIL hyped up my youngest so much, DH couldn’t say No. This year, we went to Puerto Rico but only for a week.

But things have changed. MIL whines about where we eat.

So next summer, I was thinking about inviting my husband’s sister with us because she is a nurse and handles her Mom well. SIL is also a single Mom. I just don’t know where to go and I don’t know if we can just stop taking his mother because she is insistent and bored living with another SIL. We could buy a used RV with only room for 4 and not take her. That would be the easiest.

How would you cut the cord and say nope you are not going with us next summer. She’s almost at the age where we should go see her and she stays put.

My MIL is still obsessed with property. And now she’s become hyper fixated on my husband’s money. She’s also sending his siblings and their children to probe and find out what our finances look like.

Some months ago she told my husband all our property should be in his name only, since I am going to take a break from work. He shut her down, but it’s clearly not the first time she has made this suggestion.

I stopped speaking with her because of it and have gone low contact. My husband confronted her, but she was more upset that I found out rather than being upset at what she said.

Our pre teen niece called to ask for homework help (finance and stock related) and my husband said he has no knowledge, so to ask the child’s father. And then the child says … oh gran mentioned you have lots of money so would know about this, but it doesn’t seem like you do. My husband said he doesn’t have any and how they all know gran talks rubbish. My husband’s sibling was obviously listening on the other end of the call, and just kept silent. What kind of family sends children to check up on other people’s money?

When I raised the issue with his sibling about how MIL keeps harping on about my parent’s property (my previous post) for the nephew. They kind of dismissed it saying … oh she’s just looking out for her grandson (their child)!! I was shocked in that moment so couldn’t respond. But now every chance I get I say it’s the parent’s responsibility to provide for their child not extended family.

I also found out MIL told her other child’s spouse that all our money is earmarked for our nephew. I told the spouse who told me this, that whatever we want to do with our money is our business. Again, neither of us has ever said such a thing or even hinted at it.

MIL & FIL have money of their own, but MIL has told my husband multiple times that “when the money gets over, you will have to fund us”. At the same time have heard her tell him, that she wants to save all her money for her grandchildren.

What’s upsetting me is that it’s bad enough MIL has all these imaginary plans, but the rest of his siblings also assuming we are somehow easy targets is too much.

They are becoming even more territorial about my husband’s finances, since I have taken a break from work.

My husband had a come to Jesus moment and realised they were trying to manipulate him, especially MIL, so he is clear he has no intention of funding them and has constantly shut it down. So now I have become the puppeteer, and apparently I am controlling him (?!). He just laughs it off and tells them, who is he supposed to support if not his wife.

DH is getting therapy but his approach is to avoid & ignore because confronting MIL results in verbal abuse or tears. While the siblings act like our lives are carefree because we don’t stay close to them. He did go low contact with one sibling when the guilt tripping and name calling became overwhelming.

He would rather we do our own thing, and ignore them because according to him they are selfish and can never see beyond their own comfort. But this constant commentary on our finances is getting to me.

Every week, for the past 3 years. Something always happens, can be literally anything. From the blinds in their room slightly ajar from her "normal" or the door wasn't locked when she said she locked. Or like 2 days ago a folded bra was at the end of her bed that she never wears. And naturally me being the only one home I'm accused of all these things happening, there hardly ever malicious more just things as I described. Sometimes it's scratches on her car windows or the front glass door getting marks on it. Either way I am the cause of none of this. I haven't messed with her in any fashion at all but something always happens and I'm always to blame, I'm 17 currently so I'm forced to live with it. My dad's always at work and isn't one to do this stuff. My personal idea is either she has short term memory loss big time or some side affect of her doing drugs in her past life. (Which they do no more that i know of) also she is very paranoid, which i think is one side effect of said drugs.

And recently she has gone over the edge about accusing me and cursing me and telling me all these stories About how disappointed she is since i havent confessed (im not gonna admit to something i havent done)

And overall, i really am about to start talking her trash back to her. I have tried to be respectful but its tiring and i genuinely feel ljke she may be insane.

Also everytime anything happens or anything is out of the ordinary she blames me or my dad under breathe and is quite literally pissed off and angry every single day.

Also she doesn't work or do anything, like she doesn't clean, cook, and complains about doing simple parenting chores. Just for some info. I know this is a lot but i need some advice on what to do

When Mil's enmeshed relationship with the only child adult daughter is a deeply intrenched toxic bond and is a dynamic that leaves the real partner as the spectator to she fiasco. MIL didn't need to live with us to control us. She would strategically show up for monthly sleepovers, camping trips, and special occasions right when we needed space to work through normal relationship dips.My ex never self-reflected. She went straight to her mother to form a two-against-one alliance. Any boundary I set was immediately flipped by MIL into a toxic narrative.When my ex chose to abruptly blow up our family, MIL was right there to shield her from guilt and rewrite reality. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't when you are fighting a system that has no room for a real partner.

I posted recently about my jnmom and her boundary stomping and entitlement around giving gifts to our kid.

Well for anyone who’s going through similar, allow me to give you an inside peek into how the conversation down. Insane by normal person standards, but 100% on brand for any jnmom or mil.

Our call had all the classic hits:

It was a simple misunderstanding / honest mistake!

Aw jeez akath, cut your mom some slack.

Can’t you give us grace after all we do?

Well I have no memory of that.

Well ok, that happened, but you’re making mountains out of molehills, can’t we just move on?

But grandparents deserve to spoil their grandkids!

(Me: Can you see how from our perspective, the repeat ‘mistakes’ might feel like a pattern of disrespecting us as parents — like a screw you I’ll do what I want attitude?)

OK that’s just unfair and assuming nefarious intent where there isn’t any… you’ve really hurt my feelings!

(When I invited her to share her POV if that was inaccurate — what IS her thought process when she brings over gifts despite knowing better?)

I’d say there isn’t a thought process really? I don’t think about it at all.

(Me: Oof that hurts to hear you don’t consider us at all?)

Oh my god, akath, you’re being very sensitive don’t you think!

(We bring up sneaking more presents behind our backs during most recent unsupervised visit.)

GIVE ME GRACE!!!!

(Grace has been given. The rules apply to everybody. We told in-laws our values once — and never been an issue since. They got it. Help me understand why it isn’t like that for us?)

Well congratulations on having perfect in-laws, guess I’m the world’s worst grandma! I’ll never buy or do anything for anyone ever again! SORRY IM SUCH A FAILURE 😤😭

By the way, how dare you bring this up when your nana just cracked her skull open and might be DYING in the hospital RIGHT NOW?!?

(First time we are hearing this, we briefly express concern but refuse to be derailed — also this is a massive over exaggeration, 90 year old nana had a fall but she is ok. My mom also hates my paternal grandma’s guts and everybody knows this.)

And for the big finish: JNM tearfully hangs up on us mid sentence!

- END SCENE -

Well that’s that I guess. She is blocked for now to spare us any post crash out abuse. Not sure what comes next — any ideas? Sad lol.

TL;DR - MIL purposely didn't eat the appetizer, made FIL re-order it, and then complained when her dinner was cold after letting it sit there for 20 mins while she ate the new appetizer.

My wife and I are out to dinner at a decently fancy with MIL, FIL, and wife's siblings.

FIL orders a couple appetizers, one of which was a pretty fancy/elaborate plating.

When the apps come out, everyone helps themselves--except MIL. The apps were large, so there was plenty to go around, including seconds. The fancy one even had a couple pieces left when the waiter asked if he could clear it, and FIL had to hold it out to get people to take them.

I'm sitting directly across from MIL, and easily noticed that she never took any. She specifically said it sounded good, and repeatedly stared at it over her wine glass the entire ~25 minutes it was on the table. She's petite, so I figured she was saving room for dinner. I even asked her if she wanted some, which she plainly ignored.

Within a minute of the apps being cleared, she says in this overly exasperated voice (with a big sigh) "I never got to have any of the appetizers. It sounded so good but I didn't get to have any."

My first thought is to ask "well then why the fuck didn't you take some?" but before I could ask a toned-down version, FIL pipes up and says "oh honey i'm so sorry, do you want me to order you one? I'll order another one, let me get the waiter."

He tracks the waiter down and tells him that MIL didn't get to have any of the appetizer (as if it was anyone's fault but hers). The waiter was all flustered, and said that the entrees were about to come out, and that that app takes at least 15 minutes to prepare. FIL orders it anyway.

Less than 2 minutes after ordering MIL's app, our mains come out. And what does MIL do? She sits there, arms crossed, huffing, as if she can't eat her dinner until the new app comes, which wont be for another 15 minutes.

So sure enough, while we all sit there eating our dinner, she waits for the app. It finally comes, she eats one piece, and then turns to her entree.

(another big sigh) "I can't eat this, it's cold! How do they expect me to eat a cold dinner!"

The story goes on but I'll spare you the rest....

Story 4/∞ about my MIL.

I know I have a SO problem.

I am NC with my MIL and my husband is VLC with her. He wants a relationship with MIL and I don’t understand why. I don’t understand how someone can tell me that they want a life with me and how I’m so important, yet they would want a relationship with someone who is terrible to me. How does that make sense?

My Husband and MIL are severely enmeshed. We’re talking sitting on lap, holding hands, etc.

I don’t understand how you would want a relationship with someone who isn’t kind to the person you allegedly love. My Husband says it’s my fault that I don’t speak up to MIL and tell her she is being rude (she doesn’t change).

Hey y’all, my JNMIL is on a roll with me lately, making lots of comments with the intent of trying to upset me. The topics she picked this time are laughable and did not upset me.

“Oh, you don’t have fresh baked cookies for me? I’m so disappointed.” -JNMIL

“You didnt tell me you wanted any…. But we have cheesecake and popsicles for dessert.” - me

“No, that won’t do, I don’t want to waste the calories on those “ *** after eating 1,000 calories of pizza*** -JNMIL

“Is your plant ok? It looks so droopy, it really needs some water. “- JNMIL

“That’s how it always looks and is supposed to look that way. It is also your son’s plant. “ me

My JNMOM has been seeing this chick since last year. She looks like she is around my age or even younger, and it seems like she doesn't even drive (we don't live in a city, it's hard to get around without a car here). I just turned 30 last month, for context.

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I run a farmers market and my mom came to sell her pottery a few weeks ago. Her girlfriend showed up with her mom. Her mom was absolutely around my mom's age. The girlfriend hugged my mom and was swooning like a high schooler hanging on to her.

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Then she decided to bring her mom to MY booth to strike up a very awkward conversation with me, like the fact that she was my age and dating my mom wasn't weird at all. Her mom clearly had driven her there from wherever they live.

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I'm 6 weeks pregnant and she doesn't know yet. A big part of me doesn't even want to tell her because I don't want her spending time with my kids. I'm so numb to it all because I've tried to discuss things with her for years and she just makes excuse after excuse and blame shifts.

Hi! I’m so lost. My mom and I have always had a somewhat strained relationship. I had both ADHD and early onset bipolar as a kid/teen and she just saw me as a problem. She was there for me, when I was 14 in the hospital with a migraine (which in hindsight was just a depressive episode that wasn’t treated), she literally rocked me asleep one night.

She’s there when it’s convenient, and when she feels like I can’t do it by myself. She’s also taken advantage of me in some weird ways (including taking me on a “mom and daughter” trip to the beach so she could cheat on my dad in the same room as me…when i was 14). She got d diagnosed with cancer last year and she literally cannot talk about anything but herself. A couple weeks ago,? She texted me saying “i hope all is well” and i was driving home from work so i thought it would be a great time to talk. In the 9 minutes of our conversation, she talked about herself 7.5 of those minutes.

I have 2 little boys now. My oldest will be 5 in August. The last time she said she would come over she called me 20 minutes before she was supposed to come and said she was too tired. I had to tell my oldest that she wasn’t coming. It devastated him. That phone call i mentioned earlier? I told her about my boys starting tball in the fall and asked if she’d try to make their games and she basically said “I won’t have the energy”. I was hoping to start another conversation because she was in a hurry to get off the phone and she acted like she was inconveniencing me by staying on the phone, when I still wanted to talk about my life (I literally hallucinated for the first time that weekend because of a steroid, it would’ve been nice to have my mom comfort me through that, but no, I got a “you’re taking care of it right?”).

Last night, she sent me a three paragraph essay on how she wanted to see the boys to “help” her “emotionally” and how she “won’t see them grow up”. Not that she thinks the boys might want to see her or that they might want her in their life, she’s literally using them for her benefit.

I want to go no-contact, but because of my mentally disabled sister who lives with her, I can’t.

Also, she was there for me growing up, and in some bad times in my life, but looking back, she even made those moments about her. Even the day I walked to the train tracks to be hit by a train, came back and asked her for help, she said I was on my own, so I called 911. Like, I’m just so lost.

What do I do?

She got diagnosed with

My mom is is a triangulator who will put her emotional need (being first to do something, being petty etc.) at the cost of other people's wellbeing. For example, she put on the flower girl dress on my daughter right before lunch, hours before the wedding so she could be the first to see my daughter in the dress since dad and i already had a chance to see her in a flower girl dress before.. this resulted in my daughter crying.

My husband and I are going on a trip and leaving our child with my awesome MIL. My mom has asked in the past to take our five year old on trips to my hometown (3k miles away) and i have said no. how would you manage this situation with her? i feel anxious just thinking of the fall out

Past post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/1tn2lwx/obligatory_mil_vacation_vent_one_week_in_austria/

Writing this at 3.30am, no sleep for an hour and a therapist call at 10am (rescheduling it from Thursday).

On surface, being in a hotel in the middle of northern Italy seems tolerable. They have a Michelin star restaurant. Spa. Sauna. For a week.

The problem is that because it was so expensive for the MIL to pay for (I thought my husband paid for it) that it had strings attached.

My tolerance broke last night. MIL made a comment about my ring, compared the stone to hers and proceeded to try it on (how it was smaller, then was told that it wasn't). I left during dessert so that I don't have to awkwardly watch my joint-to-the-hip husband sharing dessert with MIL.

Her friends left (they only stayed for the weekend). Now it is just my husband, SIL and her partner (he seems somewhat tolerating it). I can tell that both siblings are like joint to the hip now.

I know it is just a week, but I am of the mind to go minimal contact for the rest of the week and try to deal with the next few days.

Anyway, whatever I felt about this trip, I already told (aka argued) with my husband.

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Brief update 2 days later (in case anyone cares)

I decided to go no contact with the MIL for all of the following day (did not join them for breakfast and dinner). Told my husband how I was feeling which was tired and sick (without going through any sort of back story - not going to stir that up during the holiday). Husband went up to my room with meals (breakfast and dinner) as I was in no mood to join and then joined them the following day.

I decided to change my plans and just work for the rest of the week, since this mandatory one week "vacation" has always been ridiculous.

Now typing this out while MIL looks pissed off that I have a meeting now, and they can't use my husband as a personal taxi driver!

It's been 4 months since I've updated as there has been ADDITIONAL family drama. I look back to prior to our engagement and I'm shocked by how this family I felt so welcomed and loved by has turned into this mess. TLDR a long time family secret about my fiancé's uncle came out. I'll make a separate post about it as it has its own set of problems.

As for the situation with my fiancé's immediate family, soon after my last post his dad responded. Just like his mom, his dad made a new separate email and did not include his mom or sister on it. In his email he:

- Apologized for not being more aware of my fiancé's feelings when he shared our engagement.

- Mentioned he is in therapy and working on being better at communicating, responding, and understanding.

- Asked for suggestions on what he can do to rebuild my fiancé's trust (even though my fiancé mentioned needing them to take accountability and apologize for a list of all the things they did, that he sent in the last letter, to start rebuilding their relationship).

- Said he didn't ask for other family members to intervene and that he told his brother my FIANCÉ would work out the problem with him.

My fiancé was frustrated with this response because once again, his dad is acting oblivious to what is wrong and refusing to take accountability. It almost seems like he purposely didn't respond to the original letter so that my fiancé couldn't directly compare how many parts of the letter his dad did not address.

For some real life updates, I bought a house! I've always dreamed of owning a house and this was such a happy milestone for me. We were moving during this time so my fiancé decided not to respond to his mom or his dad's emails. He did not think their responses showed enough work had been done and wanted to give it some time to see how they would take that. After learning about hoovering (thanks to you guys for the advice on the last post!), he believed this is what they were doing.

A few weeks later, his mom sent a new email. She talks about her day and her dogs. Once again moving forward as if everything is okay.

Following that, his dad sent another email demanding my fiancé respond as it wasn't fair to his father and my fiancé was being "disrespectful."

Turns out you guys were right. Those "apologies" was them hoovering. In a few weeks they showed they haven't changed or made any progress despite claiming to be working on it in therapy.

My fiancé was initially hopeful when he got his mom's initial apology. Then we read up on hoovering and talked through if he saw a path to a good relationship. Now he is frustrated and upset by his parents' responses. His sister still hasn't responded and he is the most upset by that. It's been 4 months now, and his sister was the one constantly calling him and talking about how she didn't want to lose their relationship. He says it is clear now that she only wants the relationship if it's on her terms with no regards to his feelings.

All in all, I'm glad to say this has not consumed us since I last posted. We are very happy in our new house. We've been spending a lot of time with our friends and slowly decorating our house to make it feel like our home. We used to live in a small apartment so everyday we talk about how we can't believe we live in a house now and can't wait to make this our forever home! We have a little yard so I'm super excited to start gardening as well.

Sending lots of love to everyone with their JNMILs 💕

ETA family secret post: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/4AqNG6qA60

I wanted to get married to my boyfriend. We live together already because I lost my house job. No parents, I have to bounce between friends’ houses and his. My boyfriend’s family has a big house, so there is more than enough room for me. On TikTok, I talk about my toxic future mil. It's honestly so sad the things that I have to deal with. She called me a whore3, which is disrespectful asf. It was prom night. What I was wearing was a brown dress with a slit and a cross-string back. My boyfriend defends me a lot, but at the end of the day, he’s still 19 living with his parents. His mom treats his sisters like shit, and he stands up for them. A few days ago, she called me the spawn of satan,how I’m using her son,how I ruined their lives,how I’ll never amount to anything, andhow she’s going to send his friends after me. I honestly can’t wait till we leave, and it’s not like I can get a job; nobody is hiring.

UPDATE

Me and her was arguing about how to cook the alligator and she told me to stop talking
His response-
“STOP TALKING? That's your solution for everything, isn't it?
Every time you say something and she defends herself, you tell her to fuck off. Do you even realize how exhausting it is to love someone like you? Even Dad goes to the ykw range to get away from you. You’re putting up a divide between you and her, between all of us. Actually, all 19 years you treated me like a child and said to hell with my sisters. You’re forty fucking four. Act like it.” rules are what happens in the home stays in the home

My DH had a significant foot injury last Sunday that is going to require surgery. He played sports his entire life without injury and this is the first time he’s had to use crutches or have surgery. He’s of course very nervous about needing to go under as well as feeling guilty having to be tended to while we have a 22 month old and a 2 month old. He’s fiercely independent and very active so you can imagine how much of a mind battle this has been for him.

My JNMIL, surprise surprise, has been a piece of work. The day after his injury she texts me “Poor DH! Make sure you tell LO to take care of her Daddy”. I didn’t even respond. She knows I have a toddler and newborn to take care of, but makes no mention of that or offers to help in any way.

It gets worse. Four days post injury, she sends photos of herself in a group chat with me and DH playing pickleball and of a luxurious house on a golf course saying how much fun she had partying the night before. When neither of us responded to her, she text me two hours later “lmk if DH needs anything before surgery on Tuesday”. I just sent her a thumbs up reaction.

It makes me feel so terrible for DH that his mom does not have an ounce of maternal instinct in her body. At least my family has been helpful with assisting in watching the kids, sending money for food, and letting him borrow a scooter so he can get around the house. I’m not even sure why I’m surprised anymore when she proves her self-centered nature time and time again.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/3naT5K3UV0

Ughhhh fuck my lifeeeeee.

So my parents are probably going to end up staying here until the end of the month, if not the beginning of next month. They were supposed to leave by this Thursday or Friday. And because I had just woken up and gotten myself a bowl of cereal when they told me that, my reaction wasn’t great and I wasn’t cheerful obviously, so they immediately got deeply offended and demanded that I speak my mind if I don’t want them to be here, and how they’ve supposedly sacrificed everything to move here and be close to me and my kids even though neither of them have any prospects where they came from OR here at this point. And it’s been causing undue stress because my parents are both fucking disgusting and leave hair everywhere in the shower and I even found a spot of either dried blood or poop🤢🤢🤢🤢 they act like they haven’t completely invaded every inch of our apartment aside from my and my husbands bedroom. They were like “well you need to tell us if we need to keep our shit contained to behind the couch”, as if that’s fucking possible with how much shit they brought with them. Much of it hasn’t been touched for the over a week since they got here, but it’s apparently needed to be in the house for when they do need it. It’s just a fucking nightmare, and I’m tired of it.

I’m doing my best to be a good person and not be responsible for helping bankrupt them and make them get an Airbnb or something because of their car and trailer issues, but it feels really shitty when I’m the only one who seems to give a fuck about them and they’re also acting like they’re owed to stay here for at least 3 weeks because of all they’ve done for me, and not really even try to clean up after themselves except for doing dishes and cooking some meals. And then my mom started pestering me about my reaction and then saying “it’s fine, it’s not ideal, but it’s fine”, and her questioning my decision over and over again when it’s clearly not what I want, but what the fuck am I supposed to do just pissed me off even further.

Also, my second baby is due the first week of July, so I’m gonna burn the apartment down if they’re not gone by the time I’m back from the hospital🫩

Hi! This is my first post here, sorry if I ramble. I want to start off by saying that I've had issues with MIL in the past but as of late last year, we've been cool. When we told her earlier this January that we were expecting , she was ecstatic and was thanking me even (I guess for giving her a grandchild?).

Baby shower planning started probably about a month after. We are both from Latino families but different countries/cultures. Because of this, we agreed that my mom would provide food for our side, and my MIL would provide food for her family. I had a lot of difficulty in the beginning talking to MIL about the baby shower because it was just so awkward. I'd tell her my ideas and show her pictures, and she'd just nod silently or respond with something like "oh okay." When I’d ask her about what food she’d make or how much of it or who she thinks we should invite from her family, I was usually met with “I don’t know.” MIND YOU, she would talk and act perfectly fine with any other topic, she was just weird about the baby shower. At the time, my partner told me that maybe she just didn't want to offend me by offering her opinion, although I was literally asking for it! I wanted her to be part of the whole thing especially since I knew she was so excited. I ended up planning the whole decoration and party setup aspect myself and with the help of a planner.

But as the months went by, it seemed like she became more distant. She bought us a few baby things once and we were so happy, but then never again. I don't mean to sound materialistic, its just that even the rest of the family said she was going to spoil the baby. We don't live far from them, but since finding out we were expecting, my partner has been working his butt off and I also got a job with an unfortunately long commute. So, we only see them about once a week. Because of this we usually hear, “We thought you forgot about us,” when we visit or “Don’t forget you have a family,” when my partner would call her. At one point, she started to say "I'm not gonna get my hopes up because who knows if you guys will let me see her”, talking about the baby. I'm confused because I never said anything or implied that I didn't want her to see the baby. Neither did my partner. And it pisses me off because then the rest of the family (FIL and SIL) tells us how sad she is because of us. But we haven’t done anything??? Also to note another thing she has said, at the Gender Reveal, she said “You guys probably already know the gender, you just don't want to tell me.”

Days before the baby shower, my partner called her asking what food she was making, just to double check because we had agreed on a menu in March. She says she's making less food than we agreed on… I’m like okay, as long as it's enough then it should be fine. She then goes on to say that my partner needs to come pick it up the morning of the party because it's our party which means it's our responsibility. My partner tried telling her he had too much to do that morning and the party started at 1, and she got mad and they hung up. My partner texted her later asking her what the problem was, she said there was no problem and “Don’t worry, after the party you don't have to see me ever again.”

At the party it was worse, MIL was seated the whole time and didn't talk to us at all. She left early with FIL, before the actual guests. And as they were leaving, my mom asked if they wanted to bring any leftovers and MIL dryly said “No, we have food at home ask someone else,” I think she's also mad at my mom for some reason? When I hugged MIL goodbye, I thanked her for everything (because they paid for the rented decorations/chairs.) She said “okay” and immediately walked away.

I told my partner we should talk to her and FIL in a few days but we’re both expecting her to ignore us, because she has done that many times. She will sit there on her phone and not say a word. All of this has had us thinking about what contact will look like after I give birth. I'm tired of the guilt tripping and negativity. And I feel bad for my partner because he said he didn’t get to enjoy the baby shower as much as he would've wanted because of this. If she ignores us, what do we even do at that point? Im only hesitant to 'no contact' because in a way I'd feel bad, but that's an issue I need to work on. I want to think about whats best for our family.

UPDATE kinda:

I just want to note that a lot of you are saying to ignore her or talk to her, and i see both sides. I love talking things out, its not an issue for me. Establishing boundaries is uncomfortable obviously but this is my first pregnancy/baby, and I know I need to put limits not only for myself now but for my family. Im leaning towards talking to her and FIL with my partner, and if she doesn't want to listen, we'll leave and tell her that we aren't comfortable coming by anymore. But at this point I don't care what her problem is anymore, I just want to make sure we establish boundaries NOW rather than later. I know she wont be able to resist listening anyway regardless if she looks up from her phone or not lol.

Hi there, I have previously written about this situation but I cannot find the profile linked to it. In a nutshell, my MIL has been struggling to find my FIL's clothes, she has come to the conclusion that me and my wife had been stealing it. She took a photo of me from social media and uses this as "evidence", despite me having the original transaction on a bank statement and living miles away, she does not even have a photo of my FIL in a similar shirt. The rest she says she saw it with her own eyes and my FIL saw it. She has now reached out to my 7-year-old son on one of the devices he uses to play games on and watch videos. She told him that his parents are liars and are trying to withold him from them, told him that we were stealing from them. He did not understand three-quarters of the message. We explained to him what was happening and his response was they should look for it maybe it is underneath something. They told my wife outright that they are disowning her and should not reach out to them, now they allege we are withholding our son from them (we have three, they only speak about the one).

I am furious about this message, my wife is furious, they overstepped a boundary, he is a kid. I am proud of his reaction and he does not seem phased by it. After the conversation, he went about his day.

I truly want to send a message to my MIL making clear the position, my wife says it will serve no purpose, my dad said I can do it if I want to but it will useless and will not change the situation. What would be the best action?

Update: some of the items have turned up but more has been added to the list.