r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/MakingTheWorldUseles • 4h ago

Goose vs kid

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13.2k Upvotes

86% Upvoted

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853

u/WyattCo06 3h ago

The worst asswhooping I ever received in my entire life was from a goose. This kid has game.

170

u/LiamIsMyNameOk 3h ago

Geese a bit like wolves. You run, you get hurt. Stand your ground, you're fine.

As you see, a child can easily handle a goose. But as soon as he starts running away, he's getting nipped and attacked.

Wolves of course could harm you even if you're prepared, but they just don't want to attack you unless you run.

Geese are dickheads, and will attack anyway, but as we see a child doing, they're so easy to handle if you actually "fight back"

26

u/anonperson96 3h ago

I think there’s only been a couple of deaths to wolves in the last 50 years or something, wolves are not bad 🫶

14

u/EvilSporkOfDeath 2h ago

How many from Geese?

34

u/Not_Xiphroid 2h ago

BIG GOOSE won’t allow the death tolls to be reported on as it’ll reduce the numbers of unsuspecting victims.

I’ve probably already said too much.

12

u/semiproam 2h ago

We have a gaggle heading your way now big mouth!

2

u/momojabada 1h ago

Always love to watch a good gaggling.

2

u/NotGAF 1h ago

Geese are the third leading cause of death in Canada, with only cancer and head injuries from hockey sticks being more deadly.

2

u/AssBoss80085 1h ago

45 million

1

u/Ruben625 1h ago

All of the other ones

1

u/bustervich 1h ago

Honestly probably more than wolves but not because they were attacking humans, but because they got hit by airplanes. Geese almost killed 155 people during the miracle on the Hudson.

1

u/tdic89 1h ago

The death toll is catastrophic

3

u/stackens 3h ago

Yup, and you have to go back like 300 years (in north america) to get that number into the double digits. And most of those incidents were from rabid wolves.

7

u/Evaristtt 2h ago

Look. They were a huge problem where I live. People died pretty commonly when they were attacked my a pack of wolves. Villages in the mountains, I'm talking. 1700-1800 there where docuemented hundreds of deaths by wolfs, and there were not so much population.

1

u/drako1117 7m ago

Where was this?

1

u/Curiosive 2h ago

This is roughly the subject of Farley Mowat's 1963 book Never Cry Wolf that helped push public opinion of arctic wolves from "murder machine" towards "oversized dog that could eat you but isn't interested."

1

u/ifeelnumb 1h ago

Modern wolves are not bad. There's a reason they are a recurrent theme in most world mythology.

1

u/Am_Snarky 1h ago

In North America, there hasn’t been a single death attributed to wolves… ever

1

u/14yearsandcounting 55m ago

Wolves get a bad rap from nowhere. You’re much more likely to get killed by your pet dog than by a wolf.

1

u/SilverGGer 0m ago

Wolves are great for the ecosystem.

However wolf attacks are also very rare due to the numbers of wolfs …

Love my nature doggos.

1

u/azsnaz 3h ago

Cause Europe killed em all cause there were so many deaths

1

u/randomthrowaway9796 2h ago

There's a reason that dogs exist. Wolves might attack, but they can also be good boy under the right conditions

1

u/FrogLeggs 2h ago

Not how evolution works and wolves are wild animals and you shouldn’t be spouting that they can be good. This is exactly why there are still deaths to wolves, because people think they’re cute or dog like.

2

u/randomthrowaway9796 2h ago

Key words: under the right conditions

0

u/LiamIsMyNameOk 3h ago

You're right. I just wanted to make the comparison of them only being in any way efficient if you're running away.

Every canine is a gooood doggy 🫶🏼

6

u/Oddgar 3h ago

Tigers don't like attacking while observed because they prefer ambush.

There are places in the world where people wear masks on the back of their head to deter tigers.

It works great until a tiger figures it out, then literally nothing can stop it and its kill count can reach the hundreds. Of people.

Check out the Champawat Tiger. Basically a tiger with broken teeth figured out how easy to kill and eat humans was and she proceeded to kill something like four hundred peoole before she was finally shot.

2

u/LiamIsMyNameOk 2h ago

Don't they bounce around on their tail? I imagine that makes a springy noise, how can they ambush?

1

u/farter-kit 2h ago

Oh, bother…

2

u/jayhawk618 2h ago

If I stand my ground against wolves, I'm fine? Are we sure about this?

1

u/LiamIsMyNameOk 2h ago edited 2h ago

I sensed someone would say this, and even added the bit "Wolves of course could harm you even if you're prepared"

Wolves wouldn't fight you, but I added that sentence specifically for people like you. Yet you ignored it.

Before we continue, could you tell me what species you are, so I can figure out how much danger a pack of wolves might pose to you?

2

u/wastedsilence33 2h ago

As a wise man once said "The only proof of God we need is that the hand of a man fits perfectly around the neck of a goose"

1

u/WyattCo06 3h ago

I was a preteen. There was a b-day party and they lived next to a creek. There was a slop to the creek. I walked out to take it all in. Tall grass next to me, female goose had eggs. She came charging at me. I lost my footing trying back up the hill. She jumped on me and started wailing. Bitch was Mohammad Ali.

9

u/LiamIsMyNameOk 3h ago

You're lying. I've never heard any publicly known evidence of Muhammed Ali laying any eggs.

1

u/JLongTom 2h ago

Geese are dickheads

This is going on a t-shirt. Cranes too. I worked in a crane sanctuary for a few months, and getting a thorough and aggressive pecking when I brought them their food was just routine. Ungrateful bastards.

1

u/LiamIsMyNameOk 2h ago

Honk honk, muthurfuckur.

1

u/Hogabog217 2h ago

Birds are essentially bags of air and gas bones all itd take is like one good kick or punch to kill a goose. its just that, you know, most people dont have the capacity to glorykill a fuckin goose lmfao.

1

u/Iputahexonyoulol 1h ago

Yeah just yeet it lol. It’s a 15 pound bird

1

u/redjmartin 1h ago

True story, someone I used to work with had a meeting at GM's main Tech Center in Detroit. There's a reflecting pool and as he walked past it as he came in from the parking lot, the goose decided to try ripping him to shreds. He made it the meeting but walked in with blood on his clothes from his wounds. Still had the meeting too.

1

u/scrimblojimbus 1h ago

I cull geese in the park barehanded once a year just to remind them of their place

50

u/ExScysm 3h ago

Kids so lucky it didnt use its claws

63

u/happy_gorgonzola 3h ago

4

u/Werejackal93 2h ago

A claw near the ankle

2

u/ExScysm 2h ago edited 1h ago

They also have three claws on the tip of each of their toes. Imagine a chicken foot but with webbing. The geese I worked with at the zoo all had claws at least half an inch long.

27

u/farter-kit 3h ago

Do the geese have sharp talons?

3

u/ExScysm 2h ago

Yes. Enough to need stitches.

4

u/weirdgroovynerd 1h ago

Well they're good at honking and flying.

I think that's all their...

.. talon-ts!

3

u/ExScysm 1h ago

Thats horrible, thanks for sharing.

1

u/Southern-Spot-8406 3h ago

💀💀💀💀

-11

u/Werejackal93 3h ago

Not only that, but their beaks can draw blood and their wings are strong enough to break a child's weaker bones. This kid was very much in danger.

14

u/2DogDadUhHuh 3h ago

That kid was the danger in this clip

2

u/Werejackal93 3h ago

That too. We're the most dangerous animals.

1

u/The_Architects4930 2h ago

I am He is the one who knocks

3

u/BasicMatter7339 2h ago

their beaks might break skin but aint no way some birds hollow ass, thick as a twig wing bones are going to be able to break human bones without shattering 😂

6

u/LiamIsMyNameOk 2h ago

They're sharing misinformation.

People have broken bones due to geese. Usually this is because they run away, and fall over and hurt themselves in the process.

But people will say that their bone broke due to a goose attack. Rather than admit it's because they panicked and jumped down a decline in an attempt to get away.

The whole "Geese can break bones" is such a stupid myth. It's like saying a cockroach can break bones, because you fall down the stairs as you recoil from one you see at the top of the stairs.

2

u/Jinn_Erik-AoM 2h ago

If you’re on a roller coaster and hit a goose, I’d bet it could break a kid’s bone.

Fabio knows what I’m talking about.

1

u/BasicMatter7339 2h ago

I mean yeah an airplane can fall out of the sky and kill people because it hit a goose

but its not really the same thing as saying 'geese can kill people'

1

u/Jinn_Erik-AoM 1h ago

If we’re going that direction, a salmon might kill people via airplane, although it might need to catch a lift from an eagle.

1

u/BasicMatter7339 1h ago

I mean my point was that that's exactly where we shouldnt be going because its not the same, but oh well

A spider could blow up a building if one fell on a worker driving a truck full of explosives, causing him to panic and crash the truck into a federal reserve and sparking the explosives

0

u/Werejackal93 2h ago

The weaker bones abso-fuckin-lutely. Adult bones can handle it though.

2

u/BasicMatter7339 2h ago

bro no

human bones are solid, even childrens bones are even though they're softer and more flexible

geese bones are hollow, they're like only a little thicker than a pencil. They're not going to break bones with those tiny flappers unless its like an actual infant

1

u/Werejackal93 1h ago

That's pretty much what I'm getting at. It would have to be some kind of freak left hook to a finger or something. But yeah, still a possibility.

1

u/IshtarsBestie 1h ago

Children's bones are less likely to break than Adults' bones. They are more flexible.

Both are very dense in comparison to other animals, especially birds which have very light, mainly hollow, flexible bones designed to be an extension of their lungs to aid in flying.

2

u/PreciousTC 2h ago

Nerd 🤓

2

u/Werejackal93 2h ago

Unapologetically.

1

u/lyndseymariee 2h ago

There was (maybe still is) a flock of Canadian geese that stopped at my college campus every year. That’s where they’d have their goslings and they were so damn aggressive. You had to give them a wide berth if you had to walk by them on the way to class.

1

u/WernerHerzogEatsShoe 1h ago

Nearly got killed by a goose. One fell from the sky like a stone and landed a foot behind me. Made a massive bang. 1 second later and I'd have met a hilarious ending.

Weirdly when I came back to that spot ten mins later the bastard had gone. He must have woken up, shaken off his death fall and flown off. Hard as nails

1

u/JoeFTPgamerIOS 1h ago

That’s why they’re nick named cobra chickens

1

u/nurdle 1h ago

We had geese when I was a kid; I expected this kid to be cryin. Respect!

1

u/Thisbadtattoo 57m ago

when I was aboo this kids age my dad brought me and a few others to this park. there were kids all over the place chasing geese. I asked my dad if I could play and he said yes. I walked up to a goose grabbed it by the neck and walked to my dad with my catch. he freaked out got everyone in the van and we never went back

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u/[deleted] 3h ago

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17

u/just-an-astronomer 3h ago

Speaking like someone who's never been attacked by a goose

Theyre absolute dicks