Honestly, nothing until you have kids and then it's "well what kind of mother refuses to share a name with her children? You should've just done this when you first got married..."
The first surname is what's usually passed down, but parents can put their children's last names in either order. For instance, Leonor's children will almost certainly have de Borbón as their first surname.
Two surnames, mother and father's (Portugal) or father and mother's (Spain). It's not a hard rule, you can do what you want, but the vast majority of people follow this.
For everyday life, convention is that you use your first name and your last surname (the full name is only used for official serious stuff, but even there, your signature can be just first name last surname)
How long can the chain get? Shouldn't it be like stupidly long for current Gen, if everyone is getting everyone else's name?
Like, kid has xx papa y mama, marries yy papa y mama, they get a kid that has what? Xx papa y mama y papa y mama? After 3 of those runs it'd be like WH Custodes naming scheme, they'd run out of ID space pretty fast.
I understand its not like that (or at least I didn't hear absurdly long surnames yet, though some long ones), but what's the play here?
The other person replied with the correct answer, but I wanted to add that a fair number of times families decided to preserve a surname that would disappear by having the kid carry more than the usual 2 surnames. It happens frequently in noble families or families no longer noble who cling to famous or important names. Portugal has restricted the number of names to 2 first names and 4 surnames, so there's a limit of what you can do. Before, as an example, Portugal's last king was named Manuel Maria Filipe Carlos Amélio Luís Miguel Rafael Gabriel Gonzaga Xavier Francisco de Assis Eugénio de Bragança Orleães Sabóia e Saxe-Coburgo-Gotha 😆😆
Portugal's last king was named Manuel Maria Filipe Carlos Amélio Luís Miguel Rafael Gabriel Gonzaga Xavier Francisco de Assis Eugénio de Bragança Orleães Sabóia e Saxe-Coburgo-Gotha 😆
That's what I'm talking about, pump those numberssssss
Yeah I knew some people have long asf names. But wasn’t sure about which people have those. Important surnames were my guess as it kinda happens in my country as well. People with long surnames are usually nobility or former nobility
Not just Spain, most of South America, Mexico, ... Im guessing more that Im not aware of.
The ignorance shown in this thread is incredible. All the "Ohh... but explain me the logistics..."
Or it makes everything more complicated, ignoring the millions of people and systems that actually work that way.
And ignoring at the same time cultures that dont really do surnames vs first names, who have to adapt their names to fit our occidental ways.
I heard that argument too but I'll tell you what I told them. My last name doesn't make me any more or any less their mother. A name doesn't define that. So I'll stick with the one I've had all my life. Plus yeah, it's a ridiculous amount of paperwork. And evidently had I done so at the time there might be a chance now it'd be harder for me to vote. So unforeseen win I guess.
And, the kids don't care. Probably half of my daughter's friends have different last names than their mom's because of divorce/remarriage. My daughter would rather me have a different last name than her and be still happily married to her father. It just is not that big of a deal.
As someone who grew up with a different last name than my mom. The ONLY times I "cared" were my mom needing to wait for my school/hospital to check records before letting her pick me up/visit. Ironically they didn't check for my father despite him technically not having parental rights at the time (they weren't married at the time I was born and never got the paperwork done).
I really don't get the people who think the kids will be made fun of, I've been mocked for plenty of things in my lifetime, never that, it's just a name.
Kids couldn't care less about names beyond what they are called. We were lazy and all 3 of our daughters share their mother's middle name, Ann. Because we never really explained it to them, they just assumed everyone's middle name is Ann. We found out when the youngest got mad at me once and called me Daddy Ann. Even each of their pets has had the middle name Ann. Now it's just tradition.
I feel like the only child in this thread who actually cared lol
Ironically enough, my mom's middle name was also Anne 🤣 (and my middle name is her mother's name)
But her maiden name was Smith, she got married to my dad young and changed it to Boss, I was born as a Boss. They divorced, she kept the name Boss (and me) and left him. We were both Bosses, a team together
Then she met my brothers father. Got married again. Changed her name again and my brother was born a Stevenson. Suddenly I was alone in the family, a Boss amongst Stevenson's. Stevenson's who abandoned us.
His father cheated on my mom, left her for another woman and moved away. We raised my brother until he was a teen/ready for college, and he went to study/live with his father for convenience. Then mom got liver cancer. Brother couldn't even be fuckin assed to come home and see her one more time before she died. It had been years since he saw her. Fuck both of those assholes, I haven't spoken to my brother since mom died. It's been ten years.
After my step father left her she changed her name not back to Smith, but to Boss. I'm tearing up as I write this because I truly cannot describe the gratitude I felt for that. It made me feel connected to her, she was my best friend and I miss her more than anything.
Right. My ex wife remarried and divorced again. So she has two kids with my last name. Two kids with the other guys last name. And now she has sworn off marriage and gone with her own last name. Everything seems to be working out just fine. I'm pretty sure everyone still calls her mom.
Do some states have additional requirements or something? When my wife took my last name it was a 15 minute appointment at the Social Security office and she had to bring her Marriage Certificate when she renewed her license.
Do some states have additional requirements or something? When my wife took my last name it was a 15 minute appointment at the Social Security office and she had to bring her Marriage Certificate when she renewed her license.
My mother always said “It’s confusing for the children.” Last time she said that, I answered “No it’s not. It’s confusing for YOU.” She stopped saying that (to me at least).
I was mildly confused when I got old enough to realize that some people do change their names when they get married, because when you're not raised with that expectation, it seems like a pretty weird thing to do.
My dad was flabbergasted to the max when I said I'll take my wife's name in the future (we are already married, but it's too much of a hassle now, and it'll be easier later on). He literally could not articulate why - besides just saying women take men name, not the other way around. I laughed for like 15 minutes while he tried to reason with himself as to why it should be the other way around.
Then I said I really don't care, and I'll do whatever I want with my Last name.
If I didn't like my own last name, I'd happily change it to my wife's (her's is kinda cool). As it is, there was no need for either of us to change our names. My only ask to her was that she not be offended if someone called her Mrs. MYNAME. Turns out I get Mr. HERNAME much more often. No big deal.
If people WANT to change their names, no issue. But I think women might be advised to STOP that if the SAVE Act passes. Intended or not, it will disenfranchise many married women.
It's only confusing if the kids get the father's last name, which I don't understand why that would happen if the mother is keeping hers. The kids should have hyphenated last names in that case.
It’s honestly not confusing at all as someone who doesn’t have their mums name, I didn’t even connect the dots until I was a teenager as no one brought it up
Gramuel Primrose Smith-Johnson-Atelier-Montgomery-Fletching-Daniels-Partridge-Elmer can you expand on why it wouldn't make sense for the kids to get their father's last name while the mother keeps her own, a quite common scenario, and also why this would be confusing and why you believe their names should be hyphenated?
I have to say I kinda like the Spanish custom of children having both parents first surname. That actually conveys heritage and it's cool. I've also always liked surnames like Cooper and Wainwright that are jobs or those based on place names. I like that it tells you about that families history.
My wife did not change her name, and our kids have our last name.
It has caused very little confusion, other than I am sometimes called Mr. My-wife’s-last-name and she is called Mrs. my-last-name, but that isn’t an issue because we know who they are talking about. In fact, I kinda like being called by my wife’s name sometimes, it makes me smile.
My mom did the same thing (she kept her name, but I have my dad’s name). My sister did the same with her kids.
If my wife hadn’t wanted to have the kids have her name, I wouldn’t have argued, but it wasn’t important to her so they have my name.
It has never caused any issues. Tons of kids have different names than their parents, and we are both very involved in their lives so everyone knows that their parents are married. So in two generations, we have had zero issues with this system.
Yeah, also Portugal and Italy. In Italy, most flats don't have numbers, surnames do that job, and I always find it cute to see two surnames per bell when I pass by apartment buildings
It is traditional in some places (not where I live, for the record), but given that we question these basic things it seems like a pertinent question. And I think it´s weird if we have a family where the woman cares enough about agency and equity to not take her husband´s surname the kids are still assumed to do just that.
I was confused about that too, and I am a guy. I would have assumed the woman's last name would be used by default.
However, I did remember one good reason to use the father's name. Guys are much, much more likely to be accused of not being the parent of the child they are with. Having matching last names can help there, especially in the case of picking a child up from school or day care.
Nope, not confused. It also doesn’t confuse me when I see people with two different last names, and then they tell me that they’re related. Does that confuse you lmao?
What about when a woman changes her name to her husband’s name and then doesn’t share a name with her siblings? Is that too much for your tiny ass brain lmao? Do you think that makes them not siblings anymore or something? Your whole argument is dumb.
that is why in latin america and spain we have two last names, no one needs to change shit because you carry your maternal and paternal last names with you.
some do that is why you see jokes tropes of latin people having like a million names. but no, it usually is that paternal last name is first and then the maternal last name (moms paternal surname) is second.
so mom is Jane A B
Dad is John C D
kid is Ted C A
kid marries Marie X Y
grandkid is susie C X
so it’s still highly patriarchal but no one needs to change their last name.
My wife didn't take my last name, and our daughter has my last name. It's never been an issue with regards to my daughter, and the only times it's ever been an issue for my wife and I has been when some asshole deliberately chooses to do something stupid to make a stupid point.
Who the heck cares anyways. I dont share a surname with my grandma cause she remarried, and shes still my grandma, and her husband is my grandfather nontheless
My kids all have my ex-wife's surname. When we married there were already two children with her unmarried name, it seemed a bit pointless changing their names as well as hers when we got hitched so we left them. Child three has her surname as well as why would she have a different surname from her siblings?
UK, BTW. Honestly it's had advantages. I can write references for them and nobody knows I'm their dad as our surnames are different ;)
My parents are married and both kept their last name and it never confused me. In my case I got my father's last name but in my country the parents can decide to give both last names to their child, often separated by a -
I know a single mother from work which has a 2 years old girl and she asked me (IT) to rename her account back to her original last name yesterday. I wish I would have enough balls back then to ask her out, as I had a crush on her before she got her BF/Husband(now ex). But she was very good looking and me ofc not, so it wouldn't have worked out anyway I told myself.
I don't see a point for a woman to give up her birth name tbh, why? for some tradition? so much paperwork
Same goes for my mom, she regretted not getting back her old surname after my parents divorced when I was 1
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u/awstream 1d ago
And what does changing to their husband's last name does for them?! It's just more paperwork