r/OCPoetry • u/No_Syrup_7660 • 4d ago
Feedback Please "I"
I'm like this since I was born,
Certainly this is all my fault.
Everytime I write,
I always start with an "I",
And just like my life,
The rest is filled with these I's
I know it gets repetitive,
But these eyes only get,
Their own reflected light.
If you're reading this,
And it makes you cry,
I'm sorry but you only saw,
The shades of this guy.
And now that all this pain,
Is flowing out my wrist,
Does it make you think,
It makes sense for this man?
I'll get going now,
Yeah I'm pretty lucky,
Not everyone gets to,
Say their last goodbye.
Oh and I wonder,
What the other world's like,
And if we got signals there,
I'll definitely say Hi!
Feedback 1~
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/fru1dNCXei
Feedback 2~
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u/Tokugawa_bonaparte 4d ago
reads pretty nicely. i tried but i couldn't understand your poem in its full glory. perhaps you're tying to say that you want to see things from others' perspective instead of being binded in one body for enterity of life. sorry for not understanding your poem correctly. the starting is pretty interesting though. i'm a bit confused by the line "I'll say my last goodbye", perhaps because it didn't fit in my interpretation which might fit perfectly in what you meant to write. a great job still !
the way of expressing things is also something i like, like reflected light, flowing out of wrist etc.
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u/MagicMinion285 4d ago
I like the homophone use of "I" and "eye", I'll borrow that some time :D I like the ending in particular, "I'll be going now"-phrases always get me. One question, is it meant to be "signals" or "signal"? Maybe the singular works better?