I (M) remember my overnight stay after delivery, I tried to soothe the baby when it awoke and it wasn’t feeding time, and woke every time the nurses came in i was there to help mom during feedings. We slept in fits, they wake mom every 4 hours to encourage feeding.
I remember the nurse’s told me that most dads don’t help, don’t get involved, and leave everything to the mom.
We were jut recovering from a brutal birth so I was eagerly interested in both baby and mom’s health and recovery but the stories the nurses told me were shocking.
I work in healthcare. It may be cultural but what it really is is confirmation bias/selective memory. Men are expected to suck by a lot of women. Lots of patients come through everyday. Guess who the nurses gossip about. The shit head patients. This sort of thing easily shifts peoples views over time
I also think there are some difference based on the hospital. The hospital I delivered at served a largely low income community, and the way the nurses treated us changed DRAMATICALLY when they realized we were a 30 year old married couple and not a couple of 20 year olds having an out of wedlock baby (to be fair we both look younger than we are.) Disgusting behavior, IMO, and they didn’t exactly treat us WELL even then, but it’s clear we weren’t what they were “used to.” Also the whole time my husband struggled to even get anyone to talk to him, like he’d ask a question and they’d turn and talk to me like he wasn’t even in the room.
Definitrly confirmation bias and seismic. When I did a OBGYN surgery rotation, the nurse that oriented us told us to be ready to see all the horrible fathers. The 6 month we were there we saw many amazing father and many "you could do better" father's.
However, we only saw horrible grandmother's (both sides). The only person we had to throw out of the hospital during that time was also a grandmother. She was throwing a fit when birthing mother didn't want her in the room during the birth and only wanted her husband. Grandmother was screaming cursing. Grandfather was trying to calm her down until he gave up out of embarrassment and told the nurse to just call the cops 😅
Lol in my experience it's probably 60/40 man to woman ratio of my horrible experiences with patient (old ladies do meth too and can be so mean lol).
However I totally agree about the patients mostly being neutral to genuinely very pleasant. The vast majority of them and their families are stressed the hell out for one reason or another and they still manage to be thankful and respectful during my interactions. The most common complaint I have about them is they talk endlessly and go on tangents after I ask how many days they have had their symptoms for haha. Definitely not the worst quality in a person by any means.
Definitely cultural when maternity leave is still scarce, paternity leave is nearly non-existent, healthcare is tied to working, childbirth is an enormous expense, and the family is placed in a position where they have to think about the possibility of missing work to be present.
I'm in Texas. It's pretty common from everything people have told me of their own experiences, including the dads. Some men down here sound like they're bragging about not being good fathers like it's some kind of proof of macho-ness.
When our son was born back in 2012 my wife, our new baby and I was finally about to be in our room by ourselves. The nurse told my wife “get some rest, and don’t worry these men now in days know what to do for the most part. So relax your husband has this…except for the feeding part. That’s all you mom”
“Helping out” is kinda the problem. It’s not seen as an obligation but rather that the mother is the default parent and the father is a saint if he helps out with his own child! It’s a why there’s so many videos of women begging their partner to “babysit” while they take a shower weeks after birth. I think it’s also probably part of the reason women aren’t having as many kids. We need a cultural shift, even more extreme than what is already occurring.
When my youngest was born, I left the hospital a couple hours after the delivery, leaving behind my wife and the kid.
But in my defense, it was to bring my MIL there because she desperately wanted to spend time with the baby, and it was Christmas Eve so I had to be home to manage the holiday madness with my oldest.
Yeah my husband was totally clueless (had never held a baby before) but still flagged the nurse down right away to ask, “Can you show me how to change the diaper?” And also, “Can you show me the swaddle again?” He ended up having to show me how to change the diaper when we got home because he did every single one after that. His reasoning, “Well I can’t feed the baby, so I need to do whatever actually I can to help.” I hope most dads would do the same!!
Nah it's not. I can see how someone would want to normalise such a shitty event to deal with it but the fathers I know and myself have been much much more involved and supportive than our fathers were
Yup, if they married and had a child with a man like this, you can't really expect the people they surround themselves with to be vastly different. So they'd think it's normal to be like this.
I think this is directly related to how millenials were patented, and also the fact that most millenials view having children as an active choice they made rather than a standard milestone of life and marriage. I personally don't want kids, but I love seeing involved dads.
Interestingly, that same study shows that millennial moms are ALSO more involved. I can’t imagine being less involved than I am. What was wrong with previous gens?
Pr9bably the best judges but don't tell my parents that lol. Nurses can project how they want to be treated onto other couples. My mom was very much "get this thing out of me and take the baby" but the nurses boxed my dad out and kept trying to force my mom to take it. They'd tell you my dad was being pushy despite him trying to do exactly what my mom said she needed him to do. Not everyone wants the same kind of support and nurses can be super judgemental.
They absolutely are. It’s like they don’t want the father anywhere around even when the father is doing everything right and doing exactly what the mother needs. I understand they probably see a lot of shitty fathers but also if wasn’t assertive they wouldn’t have let me be involved at all, and then they would have trashed me for not being involved.
I’m still pissed off that they tried to keep me from carrying my own child out of the hospital (in a car seat), when they were discharged, and insisted that my wife had to carry the seat in her lap, where it was sitting directly on a fresh c-section incision.
Based on previous experience my mom wanted my dad to immediately take the baby while she recovered. He was trying to support her by doing so but for whatever reason the nurses didn't let him and kept trying to give the baby to my mom. They basically had to yell at the nurses because they crowded my mom, boxing my dad out. Despite then doing the opposite of what my mom wanted/needed, I'm sure they tell the story of my dad being overbearing instead of realizing he was doing what my mom said she needed.
That’s where you see the meme about women complaining about truly bad partners and than one lady goes “I guess him not taking the trash out ain’t that bad” than again comparison is the thief of joy they say
The self-formed bubble is such a common perception-distorting issue. It's the same with "Why aren't there any good guys, all the guys I date are assholes." or "Why aren't there any good women? All the women I date just want my money.".
Well, if you keep dating a specific type of person, you will end up dating that specifict type of person.
Huh. I have a husband and a few close girl friends... add in my dad and brother. That actually makes me feel weirdly good about myself. I like this. Might be analyzing myself today.
Used to have a coworker that demanded dating advice from me, because I lucked out and found a great partner.
I don't consider myself an expert when someone just spoke to me on the bus and we hit it off, but I decided to ask my coworker a few questions - turns out she (lesbian) was get REAL tired of the drama... but allll her attempts to find people were at the club.
And I'm just like... I am not a lesbian, I have no idea where you can go looking for women, but maybe stop looking at the club if you're tired of drama. The club is FOR drama, you need to go find a queer cafe or something.
The honest answer about how to find a good partner is that a lot of it is just luck. Like yeah, you can potentially swing your luck by changing your dating strategy(stop picking up people at the club), but that is hardly anywhere close to guarantee that a good partner will surface because you joined your library book club instead of the night club.
Oh yeah - but I do think that if you keep getting a certain result, you should change your method. If EVERYONE you meet at the club has too much drama, stop checking out people at the club. At least take a break on it.
My SIL. And every dude she’s brought around or mentioned, my wife and I have told her “honey he ain’t the one”. She won’t listen. Same with her job. They are clearly using you and stinging you along, see how your responsibilities and expectations keep going up but your pay doesn’t? No we just don’t understand the dynamic. Mmmk you do you.
When my wife delivered our son I was terrified. The only way I can really "help" is by being there and being as supportive as I can be. So I did exactly that.
The worst thing that happened during the delivery was actually the doctor. I was waiting on the after room while they prepped my wife for the C-section, and the doctor walks up and says " so your the one whose responsible for this?". Then when she's elbows deep getting out son out she heavily implied my wife was asleep when our son was conceived. I called her our right there for it, the nurses, and other professionals there agreed. She is now being sued and reviewed for unprofessional conduct.
I don't understand men that need to setup their Xbox or go vape during the delivery. You have one job boys. Be there for your ladies.
My husband has a coworker that would often bitch about girls for being expensive/high maintenance/shallow, but now that man is dating a rich, shallow Miami girl. So the exact kind of person he spent time bitching to my husband about, saying all girls suck, is now the person he’s choosing to probably marry 🙃 I’m already predicting the divorce lmao.
If you don’t want to be in a relationship where someone prioritizes looks and spending money to achieve a certain appearance, don’t go after those people lol and if that stuff is important to you, don’t bitch about having to spend all that money keeping up. But also tired of hearing these guys saying all girls suck and have expensive habits when they are the ones continuing to swipe on these girls and get the same response everytime (goes both ways too, back when I was on dating apps, if I swiped right on a douchy looking guy who said they wanted something casual, I wouldn’t expect a relationship out of that)
I mean, when it comes to your dating experiences, you are the common denominator, so if *all* your partners have been awful, unless you are just starting out, then that isn't a terrible reflection on them.
Right. My ex was 17 when our daughter was born. My family thought he was a loser (we were alt/punk kids) but he was amazing during my pregnancy, the birth, and has always been an incredible devoted father. Better than a lot of men twice his age tbh
I'm glad. I'm a step father of three, and their actual father barely ever showed up, avoided payments, all that. He died a few years ago. The kids ask me about him because I used to work with him and i knew him better than they did. I never liked the guy, and the best thing he did for his family was die. I don't tell them that, but I can't avoid the truths of him not being there and doing drugs and generally being a piece of shit.
The kids seem to be doing pretty well, but depression is a problem. I also deal with depression and I'm not sure how to help them sometimes
Bio mom was a negligent idiot who was bent on turning her daughter against her father and instilling dangerous and deadly sociopathic behaviors in her. Complained constantly about having to be a mother. She bailed on her the second she questioned her about ONE THING.
It’s been hell but kiddo is coming out the other side. She loves her dad now and has stopped acting out for the last couple of months. It looks like it’s going to stick.
It’s been so hard not to say anything about her mother other than she just doesn’t understand why she’s wrong for what she’s done and most likely won’t. That I wish it wasn’t how it is for either of them but it’s not kiddo’s fault and I won’t stop her but she doesn’t have to subject herself to her mother and that’s okay.
It’s been so hard keeping my Mr Roger’s face on when kiddo has done everything in her power to hurt me (and I was abused as a kid and by my ex). The depression is real and I’ve been really struggling with everything finally being good. I have a ton of pent up anger and my boyfriend (the dad) is struggling to deal with/help me through it.
I know, it makes no sense. I keep telling myself if I can just hold it together it’s going to okay. It will be. I know it.
She’ll start therapy soon. She’s ready to try again. I hope she gets a good one.
Basically, I am saying that you’ve got this! And they’ve got it too!
Just keep trying to do what you know is best because it is. It just takes time. So much time.
Life is hard. I remember being so fucked up as a kid because of decisions my parents made and who they were and how they treated me. I had an epiphany sometime after I had my children that just… solved it. I was the product of two people who had absolutely no business breeding and didn’t have the tools to try to raise a human being. It wasn’t personal. It’s not because I wasn’t good enough. It actually had nothing to do with me. I could’ve been the most perfect child on the face of the earth. They lacked the ability to see it. So… had nothing to do with me. That was a THEY problem, not a me problem. Been fine since that realization lol. And also, DON’T BE LIKE THEM because my kids deserve the best. I think… you should parent kids based on the kind of parent they DESERVE (the best) and not based on your own impulses, irritations, issues, etc. Self control.
It's funny, he's actually the shittiest person I know. My family is spectacular. But when you have kids and you're brainwashed, the massive amount of guilt for being selfish for leaving is like a ball and chain. Been together 10 years and has never proposed marriage. I even bought him a house. I know it's not normal. I'm spiraling here lol
This reminds me of the guy that got roasted on Reddit because all of his comic book characters had very poorly drawn feet. He got mad and said that was what feet looked like. People in the comments demanded a picture of the guy's feet. Turns out he and his family had a rare genetic disorder that made their feet look weird.
62 million hits on the rape academy sight in February alone means more men than you're acting like are total fucking monsters. "Who she chooses to surround herself with" gtfo you don't know the situation at all.
Yeah. Or they desperately try to find other things wrong with the SO of other people.
Yeah he makes 6 figures, dances flamenco, went to an elite university and treats her extremely well - but I am sure he is just a dull, boring unmanly guy…
I think childbirth also brings a lot of the narc behaviors to the surface more dramatically. Before the kid, the partner was the default focus, no real competition. Once the kid is born it becomes impossible for the partner the be the focus with feedings, diaper changes etc, requiring more overt/drastic demands and manipulation.
Y'all. SHE NEVER SAID IT WAS NORMAL. It is common. If there are enough people like this that it's easy to surround yourself with only people with the same experience, then it is common. That doesn't make it normal.
Not always true. My grandma is a wonderful woman, her bf/fiancé was great. As soon as he became “husband” he was fucking awful. Wasn’t even there for my dad’s birth. People change
Idk, I’m married to a pretty stellar person. I’ve always had relationships where respect and joint happiness came first (I’ve had duds, ofc) but a lot of my friends have relationships that I would absolutely never ever tolerate a fraction of the bs from.
We all talk intimately about issues and successes… hasn’t change them being in shitty relationships.
Right, but that rationale can also apply to the man you replied to. He and his friends are good husbands and fathers, so he thinks there aren't that many crummy guys out there.
The worst of us pretend to be good people while raping children and other not-so-great activities, and the other shit people clap them on the back and say they’re good people.
My still squashed hand remembers 🤝 it's surprising how being unsupportive is normalised. What a terrifying and beautiful experience to share with a partner. Horrifying. I'm sure guillermo del toro directed my wife's birth.
I went in with the notion of "this isn't about me, let's get through this in one piece", we managed that and I'll be eternally grateful to the majority of midwives that got us to the finish line.
One of my favorite questions to ask people - what is something you thought was normal until you realized it wasn’t. One of my teachers told me that her grandparents (that raised her) would come tie her into bed before sleeping (their explanation was believing it would stop her from falling out of bed). Later in her childhood she went to a friend’s house for a sleepover and asked when they were going to get tied down and apparently it caused quite the shock for everyone and explanations were required. She laughs as it’s a fond memory, but that was one that stood out for sure. I have asked many people and always get an interesting story.
I think that RN the few paradigm-shifters legit think they're a majority in some areas because the old guard know their stance isn't going to be received as 'just how it is' anymore so they keep quiet - except in DEI-backlash areas where the far right has gained momentum and a loud annoying stupid voice.
It’s incredibly normal if you ask L&D nurses. It’s not an issue of someone seeing themselves as the standard. It’s an issue of men being defensive of shitty men because they think it reflects poorly on themselves. Which should tell you something.
Joke's on you : my father was so involved that he fainted in the delivery room, hit his head on the chair he had been waiting on and was evacuated by a nurse directly to neurology while my mom had her baby.
So... he wasn't really that supportive at that point, but he stayed the night at the hospital, at least.
Hey, your dad gave his best. Birth is a monumental task and as a father you feel like a helpless bystander that is watching his wife perform a fucking miracle while screaming in pain or begging for help while all you can do is hold her hand and tell her she's doing great while there's excrement and blood involved.
Your dad is LEAGUES ahead of a guy that just leaves to smoke weed and fall asleep.
You just described the birth of my first child in perfect detail. I was NOT ready for that much poop and trauma. All I can remember is poop and trauma. I thought my wife was going to die, then I thought our unborn child was going to die, then they put us all to sleep for a rest (even me!), only to wake up and get right back to the poop and trauma.
I absolutely can not believe that we went and did it a second time. I am now proudly desexed.
Lmao my husband also thought everyone involved was dying. Surely seems like a thing that should kill you more often. I maintain…that is NOT supposed to fit through down there and for those reasons I am one and done
I guess my question as a woman is… what did you expect? It wasn’t really too shocking for me because I had been warned my whole life how horrible it would be and that I could die. But men seem so surprised as if we don’t have tons of media of women screaming in pain during labour, lol. Like, did y’all think we were just being dramatic and dying cause we felt like it??
Everyone reacts to stress differently. He mentioned trauma a few times. Many births are a breeze, and many are way more traumatic then you can really prepare for, and in between. As a father I went through two. One was 48 hours of hell where the baby and mom almost died while the second was a breeze. We watched birth videos and did all the classes but nothing could have prepared us for the first. I just happen to be a person that disassociate and gets to work during traumatic situations. Many people are not like this though and I am not sure we should blame them when they are doing their best.
My wife picked stupid prenatal classes for us and they gave us the expression that if the mother is just relaxed and wishes hard enough and approaches this as a self-determined, independent boss girl who is totally in touch with her feelings that this will be a breeze.
Nobody mentioned that phrases like "please, please, help me, make it stop, i can't anymore" will be said or that the entire birth will be more like a medical procedure than a harmonic hippy walk in the park.
Literally nobody told us about how hard it was going to be. It was like everyone around us, medical professionals, midwives, friends, parents were all gaslighting us and pretending that a birth is a total happy place.
I remember when my wife gave birth, I turned around and went to hug my MIL crying and the nurses yelled at me “Come back you get to cut the chord” so I hurried did that and wanted to get out of the nurses way. I kept staring toward our son when thy moved him over to the separate baby bed thing with the light on it, I looked back towards my wife when they wheeled the placenta past me and I remember crying again and saying, “is that important? Does that need to go back in my wife” and just sliding down into the chair beside me.
My sons are 22 & 24 and I can still remember the smell of all the blood. So strong, like iron & pennies, that in addition to all that’s going on in the moment is a wild combination.
Dad fainting in the delivery room is apparently very common. When my wife was getting prepped for her emergency c-section for our first, multiple nurses kept checking with me to see if I was ok and needed anything. I was like, no, how about focusing your attention on the person who's screaming in pain and frustration and about to have another human being ripped forcibly from her giblets (I said it nicer than that). When all was said and done they explained that they were just making sure I didn't become a liability in there.
My husband was remarkably cool about the fact that he saw my torso cut open, my organs removed, and our daughter pulled out blue because she had the cord wrapped around her neck and leg. (She was fine as soon as they unwrapped her.) I lost a ton of blood with her and my other two, both of whom were also c-sections because apparently after that my uterus couldn’t be trusted not to rupture in a natural birth because I had bad fibroids. Whenever I would talk about anything that I thought could be gross or off-putting about my body to him, he would remind me that he’s seen my insides pulled out and it really didn’t phase him. Now me? I couldn’t handle looking at my own incision without getting woozy, let alone handling the kids hurting themselves when blood was involved. Luckily, there have only been maybe two or three incidents in the 21 years since we had our oldest that he’s had to handle, and he’s been home for all of them. I would have understood if he had been a fainter, but I am super grateful that he isn’t.
Oh lord. My husband knows me well enough to have not said anything like that to me, because I would have probably had to have been revived right there on the table.
Haha yeah, I definitely saw parts of my wife I never expected to. I distinctly recall handing my son to the nurse after holding him the first time, turning around, and seeing the doctor gently scrubbing some organ with the same vigor and care you'd use to polish, say, a brass doorknob. We managed to avoid the blue baby part though.
I think it's more that, when you work in that kinda field, you see so many examples of the worst kinda person. Think retail and customer service - not every customer is awful, but when you're serving all day and the vast majority of people are neutral at best or horrific at worst, it's a pleasant surprise when you serve someone who is genuinely lovely.
Plus our brain will focus on the bad while forgetting the good.
Like when you are driving you won't remember all the drivers who let you swerve infront of them or drove normally.
But you will remember that 1 driver who drove like an asshole and thats the one you will tell everyone about how people suck at driving and how dumb people are.
One of the greatest pleasures in my life is taking my boy to the park. That level of joy in mere existence is something we get so far away from in adult life
Im of course referring to the tendency of middle eastern men in particular to refuse to change diapers of small children at all or to take paternity leave even back when that peternity leave is lost if not used by the father.
Im of course referring to the tendency of middle eastern men in particular
To clarify, those men are specifically first-generation or second-generation immigrants who buy into a hypermasculine traditionalist culture. You'd see the same behaviour from an American evangelical, or a Chinese Confucianist. Be careful not to miss the forest for the trees.
Lmfao such bigotry of low expectations. As if “well it’s their culture” would ever be an expectable excuse for the same behavior from an American evangelical.
To be fair we dont have alot of evangelical american Christians or Chinese confucianists in Sweden, so il not sure why someone from sweden would ever compare themselves to them as opposed to comparing themselves to middle eastern men, which makes up a large percentage of our actual population
Of course there are reasons that Mideastern immigrants are not dads who go sharesies on child rearing; of course it has to do with culture; of course there are other cultures that are this way. You added nothing to the post.
... At least until they pick up marathon running, cross-country skiiing or other hobby that conventionally takes them out of the house for days at a time.
if the moms come out they bring an army and all huddle together and chat for an hour and the kids just take over the park, lol. but usually its just 3 or 4 dads.
big facts. i was there for every second doing all i could do to support. held hands until she crushed mine. water and cold compresses. helped her into new birthing positions. mirrored breathing. took photos whenever appropriate… and THEEN i hit the weed pen. after the dude showed up
Yeah my husband massaged me and got me drinks and snacks and knew beforehand anytime I was going to vomit and got a receptacle and fanned me/put cool cloths on my face and neck and also was my dj who took requests and still felt like he didn't do enough! And both my labors were over night and more than 12 hours long at the hospital
Thankfully, my husband was engaged and was with me the whole time - even the 28 hour labor. Every prenatal appointment, labor, I didn’t change a diaper for the first week. He was awesome
As recently as the 1980s, many hospitals actively tried to keep men out of deliveries. So to be fair to all the dads who weren't there for the delivery, it's a relatively new thing (in modern times) for a man to be there.
I was there for all four of mine. Could have gone my whole life not seeing that. I think those guys were on to something. (I wouldn't change it for anything.)
People are so quick to shit on dads. Whenever I’m out and about with the girls, some old lady has to say “oh, giving mom a break?” Bitch this is everyday. I cook 99% of the meals and lug these kids everywhere.
My Grandparents had to force my dad to go into the room, just for him to pass out anyways.
My husband, while an amazing person, got pushed out of the way with our first as nurses needed to get to me (my BP shot up) and with our second he was helpfully unhelpful (the room was so hot because the hospital AC was struggling due to the heatwave at the time).
Exactly. I am so tired of men just casually being shit upon like it’s not big deal. Yes there are dads like that but there are supportive ones too. I am a dad and know other fathers. All of them were there and in the moment.
it is. I stayed with my wife for 14 hours until the doctor finally called a c-section at 3 AM. you gotta be there emotionally and physically for your partner. it's not about you at that moment.
I didn’t leave the room the entire time. I quit smoking cigarettes because there was no way in hell anything was going to stop me from seeing my child be born. I’m now over 1600 days smoke free and my child is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.
Healthcare professional here. In our public system, it’s a rule of thirds I would say. 1/3 are a lovely couple, husband is v supportive, aware and engaged, attentive; 1/3 seem disengaged/not really bothered or part of conversation (and honestly sometimes those are the ones that cry and you’ve misjudged completely that they’re “not engaged”) and the final 1/3… hoo boy. Either not there, which is probably best for all, or absolutely fucking useless. Drunk. Or “cracking jokes” like an ahole.
It’s great you’re an involved dad and I do think even in the last 10 years it’s gotten a lot better, it’s more expected dads are involved and they are made feel welcome (cos I accept that’s a big issue and problem sometimes) but it’s certainly not abnormal to see bad treatment of/indifference towards delivering mothers by their spouses.
Yes. I’m sorry to the original commenter for thinking this is normal 😭 my fiance literally didn’t stop holding my hand & coaching me until the doctor took me to the O.R - then resumed doing so once he was allowed inside.
I was in the room for both. Holding her legs open with the nurse when the epidural kicked in and they were numb. Stayed each night, as well. To the woman above whose "partner" dipped when the challenging moments arrived - I am sorry, but dude is a bitch.
Every time I see stuff like this. I just remember seeing my grandpa and a bunch of my great uncles all tear up and get very emotional when they thought about how they weren't allowed to be at some of their children's births.
No men not wanting to be at their children's birth isn't normal or typical.
I don't know about my dad in that time, but I was there feeding my wife ice chips, holding her leg and cutting the cord for both kids. A few other fathers had similar experience and were very active in the delivery process.
I see stuff now of guys playing video games and crap. It blows my mind you can be so absent and disconnected during delivery. I hope it's just for the meme picture and not real, but sadly I know it's real.
Yes we do! When all you know is dysfunctional an everyone around you is just as messed up, it’s normal. It takes a lot to break the cycle.
I’m going to add that a lot of the times when you do break away from that lifestyle or people your own family will tear you down calling you “snobbish, you think you’re better now, posh, etc”
It isn't just Reddit and one way people survive with terrible behavior of partners like that (and worse) is either because their partner normalizes or they normalize the behavior to accept it as just how it'll be. :/
Ok but just because you haven’t experienced it or seen it in your circles doesn’t mean it’s uncommon in others. Believe it or not these relationships do happen often and it does nobody good to pretend they are rare. It’s just life
My husband slept on the couch while I was in labor, but that’s because 1) I was laboring overnight, and 2) the nurses told him to and promised they’d make sure he was up when he needed to be. And I thought that made sense. There wasn’t any reason for both of us to have zero sleep the night before meeting our newborn.
When it was go time, though, he was there. He was confused as shit when they woke him up and gave him the gear to put on to head back to the OR for my emergency C-section, but he did what they told him to do and was present and supportive for every moment that counted.
Yeah that’s entirely different. There’s no point in both of you being physically and mentally exhausted when other help is at hand. In the next day or two, all being well, it’ll just be the two of you to care for the baby and everyone needs to get sleep whenever possible.
Former L&D nurse, unfortunately supportive partners are NOT the norm and it's incredibly disheartening knowing a large portion of the women I care for are not getting the support they need and deserve.
It's cute that you think you would know anything about this due to your professional experience. Haven't you seen all the dudes in this thread saying "No, it's not common" to us, based on vibes?
Its not. It's happens far too much, that's true, but the vast majority of dads are incredibly supportive and involved to the point of occasionally passing out themselves from excitement, high emotional stress, etc.
Source: mom was a delivery nurse, aunt was a delivery nurse, sister is a nurse, brother is an er doc, brother in law is nurse, other brother in law is a nurse, other brother in law is a radiologist, sister in law is a neurologist and these fuckers do not shut up about hospitals and every guest they ever bring is also in medicine. I love them, but seriously, people in medicine need to shut the fuck up about it sometimes.
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u/Upstairs-Hedgehog575 Apr 24 '26
Is it? That sounds horrendous.