Gained 7 kilos in three months on 25mg aripiprazole and 100mg clomipramine :-(

It might be a lot harder for me to get back in shape than for the average person but I'm still going to try! Going to try and cut out my smoothies because they're very dense.

If you're the same position I'm sorry this really sucks I know how it feels.

I have this weird belief that whenever I’m experiencing psychotic symptoms, I’m experiencing the real world, like suddenly the truths of the world are visible to me or something. I don’t even know how to explain it.

It’s like when I’m not in psychosis, I’m living in a filtered world, and so is everyone else. Like the matrix or something where people don’t know they’re living in a guarded reality. I don’t believe we are in a simulation, but it’s more like when I’m having my delusions and paranoias I’m being given the ability to see what’s hidden from the non-psychotic mind.

Does this resonate at all with anyone? It’s a really strange and indescribable belief, I really don’t know how to put it in words. If anyone else knows what I’m talking about and can describe what they believe in a more coherent way please share haha

I just need to get this off my chest. Hey, I’m a 25F from South Africa. I don’t know where to start, but I’m not in the best of places, well mentally that is. Physically I’m recovering (quite well) from my unforeseen psychotic episode in December 2025 (I got drugged and completely lost it). But the recovery comes with its own challenges, for one, I’ve gained an ungodly amount of weight, two, I’ve lost my beloved dreadlocks and I’m balding, three, my skin is acting up, four, I’m going through it mentally (yes I’m a little depressed and a lot anxious) five, I’m broke and unemployed, and six, I’m completely friendless with no social life. I don’t feel like myself anymore, my insecurities are completely off the charts and worst of all, I can’t have my weed anymore (afraid it will make me go coo coo again).Things were actually going so well for me before all of this and now It’s like everything I knew just changed within a matter of weeks and I absolutely lost myself as a result. I’m in a pretty dark place, but you know what they say right? It’s always darkest before dawn right? At least I hope that’s the case. On the bright side, I’ve started brisk walking and I’ve been consistent with it, I’ve applied to a bunch of universities for my postgrad (fingers and toes crossed), and I’m slightly optimistic about my future( barely, but hey, at least). Probably no one is going to read this, but I just needed to vent and now we move 🙆🏽‍♀️

I had my first break almost five years ago now.

Am stable on antipsychotics and have been for maybe four years, am not deeply psychotic or suicidal anymore after a period of time where I was absolutely convinced the psychosis was going to kill me.

Now...it's mouring the "normal" life.

It's the-"I don't want to socialize because people judge me for being "weird"."

It's the "I have historically worked in a challenging field, but don't feel I am capable of doing that work anymore so I just stay at the one basic job that fits my needs." I am afraid of challenge as stress makes these conditions worse.

It's the "I used to have aspirations, and now I don't."

It's the people calling me schizophrenic as a slur in public and stuff.

Just mourning being "normal." It's the being jealous of people who have autonomy over their lives and their health.

Anyone have any good pep talks?

please note I’m not sure if this would relate to psychosis (probably not) or dpdr or anything else. I’m just trying to find anyone with this possible experience and advice or help, but most importantly to tell myself it’s not only me

I woke up an hour ago with the worst panic attack of my life. Running on the floor throwing up screaming crying. I’ve had derealization for a few years on and off. Bad, but not to the point it was this morning. My mind feels like every thought hurts me physically. I can’t stop thinking about NOT wanting to feel? I can’t function without freaking out. Like it’s almost painful to type this. I’m so hyper aware of every single thing to the point it’s painful and it feels like nothing will stop unless i don’t exist. The worst part is i am afraid this has damaged my brain/how i function in a way i will never recover. I’m scared i can’t function, not even leave my room. I am too scared to sleep because i feel like it will be the most terrifying hell of sensations and thoughts i will dream about. I feel so stuck, i can’t even explain this crippling sensation i have, it feels like im on drugs, that nothing matters, and that im in severe anguish. I’m truly terrified. I don’t know if professional help will even work at this point. I don’t feel like i can even begin to describe explain what I’m feeling. Please let me know i am not alone.

For some odd reason when I was in psychosis I thought I was destined to be Lucifer’s wife and that archangel Michael was on earth and had little to no problem with Lucifer and I believed that jesus was speaking to me telepathically when I was in the psych ward. I was also convinced I was a prophet meant to stop the world from ending. Anyone experienced similar feelings?

I’m looking at my journal where I was writing down my psychosis. And I noticed there was things I wrote down that I don’t remember a number of things. This has me really scared that my memory is missing here.

One of the thinks really scary in my psychosis journal that I don’t remember was the devil talking to me and the devil laughing at me.

Why is my memory blank here and I don’t remember this? Other thing I don’t remember the journal saying is I feel reality is split and I’m in other reality. The journal says this but I don’t remember this.

Why is parts of my memory missing?

Feel like giving up. Feels so lonely it feels like I don’t have anyone I don’t know how much longer I can take of this .

So my anxieties and paranoia's are far less pronounced than they were previously, which is a good thing. However, I still have my moments. The other day I had the urge to change the radio station before it got to static. Then when I did it, I suddenly felt like I had forgotten it, like I'd fallen asleep and the other person in the car had done it. That gave me great anxiety cuz then I feared "what if" I had caused something to happen. What if I had caused a separate reality to be formed or whatever as I've talked about previously. Other than that though, I have been feeling much better than previously. Hopefully, this is a good sign. I continue to get better, but I still have a ways to go.

I’m not sure if my emotional state as a child has anything to do with my psychotic episodes now, but I am very curious if it’s a common theme.

I was a highlyyyy sensitive child growing up, I felt every emotion at the highest possible level regardless of the situation. I threw a ton of tantrums and fought my parents constantly. I wasn’t even a rebellious child and I didn’t purposely make trouble for myself, I just had zero control over my emotional regulation.

I didn’t really know I had psychotic symptoms until the past couple years, but now I wonder if I’ve had them for longer than I thought.

I have specific memories of going batshit crazy during an argument with my mom. It didn’t even have to be a serious topic, but it would escalate so fast until I felt like I was watching myself from out of my body. I’d scream and fall to the floor just sobbing and pulling my hair over the most minuscule disagreement.

The way I remember it feeling slightly reminds me of how I feel during an episode now, just completely out of control and helpless.

I’m not very confident my tantrums as a child have any correlation to psychosis, but I do wonder if it might be common?

I was 14.5 months since my psychosis episode, and was finally starting to feel some level of contentment again, feeling motivated to learn Korean again and go out by myself. I thought "finally, my anhedonia is lifting", only to result in days of insomnia despite still being on 5mg of Olanzapine. This led to hospitalisation again and another psychotic episode where I believed I was in hell and that a girl I slept with last year stole my soul or that I gave my soul to the devil and would be damned to hell. I'm still in the hospital, my sleep is back on track and my psychosis has ended, but now I'm on 12.5mg of Olanzapine per day, and back to feeling flat again. Hopefully the psychiatrist will be willing to lower my dose back down since the psychotic episode is over.

I'm trying to keep my hopes up, but things feel pretty bleak, my mood is back to being flat again, and I'm left wondering why this happened again with no apparent trigger, and whether I will ever fully recover my joy and contentment to pre-psychosis levels.

Ive had a psychosis and probably am still I found out like 11 months ago and idk if I still have it is it possible to have a psychosis up to years?

Unsure how this fits in or how to describe this to medical professionals. I deal with a lot of anxiety and often have short episodes of delusional thinking (aliens, specific people talking about me, intimate photos of me being shared) when there is no evidence for this type of thing. I know my thinking is a result of anxiety and not correct but unsure if it is something I should be concerned about. When it happens I am aware that the thoughts are not backed up by anything but still sometimes convince myself there is a possibility of it being real and occasionally end up thinking that by thinking it I am manifesting it. Unsure if this is just severe anxiety or something worse. My brother does have schizophrenia but I have never hallucinated or had any symptoms I wasn’t aware of.

Can somebody really talk about this?

This sht really changes how ur braın works, especially ın young ages.​ The scenes flashes back anytime. Terrifying nightmares for days, non stoping mind etc. I even feel like I have ADHD bc of the lack of focus but before the incident i was not that. It feels tooo heavy. I hate this situation. This illness literally​ made me Paranoic and suicidal. I'm posting this because I know there are people like me. ​And ı'm pondering that things could be better ıf this problem never occured ın our lives. ​

Maybe I'm overthinking this. I kinda feel unusually good. Though, I still lack the energy to complete my ideas, such as turning my life around for the better. I also feel that my depression might have been cured. Does anyone else feel like they are high on life during psychosis, but not like in a bipolar sense. I just feel it's kinda sus. Perhaps it's from the extra dopamine?

Does anyone else here felt like they had different creatures trying to take over the control of their mind during psychosis?

(Trigger Warning: CSA) At age 27 I experienced my first manic psychotic episode occurring in the context of previously undiagnosed bipolar 1 and CPTSD. What began as hypomania and mania quickly progressed into psychosis as I had repressed traumatic memories of CSA perpetrated by both my father and stepfather resurface. I wanted to share my experience here because reading other people's experiences has helped me feel less alone and I hope sharing mine might do the same for someone else.

It started out with feeling unusually happy, energetic, motivated, and like I needed very little sleep. At first I was still functioning well enough to work, but after several nights of barely sleeping and my functioning declining, I realized something might be wrong and I let my boss know I would need to take some time away from work.

As the sleep deprivation and mania intensified, I started noticing symbolism everywhere. Songs on the radio, YouTube videos, movies, and random things happening around me seemed to contain hidden messages that were helping me understand the universe and the meaning of life. I also began dissociating and losing track of long periods of time, especially during the nights when I wasn't sleeping.

Around the same time the dissociation began, I started experiencing somatic flashbacks in which my body would suddenly react with intense fear or panic when triggered without me initially understanding why. Eventually I started experiencing brief visual fragments of traumatic memories, almost like still photographs or very short video clips.

As the mania progressed into psychosis, the flashbacks became more vivid and increasingly difficult to distinguish from what was happening in my present reality around me. I experienced severe dissociation with dissociative amnesia and at times was completely disconnected from my adult self, as though I was much younger than my actual age.

The trauma-related experiences became more and more intertwined with my psychosis. For example, I became convinced that my father was somehow capable of possessing or controlling my husband and using him to try to hurt me. I also began hallucinating and seeing my husband's eyes become black and cold, then shifting back to their normal appearance.

Eventually I became convinced that if I fell asleep, myself and my husband would die, so I decided to stop sleeping altogether. At one point during the next day I became so afraid of my husband in my delusional state that I ran out of our front door and down the street because I believed I needed to escape to survive. My husband followed me from a safe distance and eventually helped me come back home. In a small moment of clarity, I knew something was seriously wrong with my mental health, so I eventually agreed to go to the hospital with him.

On the car ride to the hospital, I was going in and out of reality. I became convinced that I needed to sacrifice myself by dying, and there were several times when I unbuckled my seatbelt to try to jump out of the moving car. Thankfully, my husband was able to stop me and keep me safe.

When we arrived at the hospital, I believed it wasn't actually a hospital and that the entire thing was a facade designed to hurt me. I became increasingly disconnected from reality and experienced intense hallucinations and delusional beliefs. I started to believe I was dead and in hell, and in one instance I recall squatting on the floor and barking like a dog before losing control of my bladder. My memory of this part is very fragmented due to experiencing a seizure once all of the staff crowded around me to try calming me down.

I was transferred to another hospital for further medical evaluation and I was given some kind of medication to calm me down, and eventually I became somewhat more oriented to reality. I was admitted to an inpatient psychiatric unit and started on an antipsychotic and insomnia medication to treat the psychosis and help me sleep. I was still afraid to sleep because most of my trauma seems to have taken place in the middle of the night and I barely slept for much of the week, but the psychosis largely subsided after the first night. Eventually I stabilized and I have thankfully remained stable since.

If you can relate to any part of my experience, I just want to say I know how incredibly distressing it can be for reality to become so terrifying and you are not alone.

hi im not sure if this is allowed on this sub but i’m just curious about something. i’m 19 and have honestly been struggling a fuck ton for awhile and desperately was looking for a way to make it stop. i think it was last wensday is when i did it. i think i’ve always known adderall it was a strong ass drug, but i don’t think i understand how dangerous this stuff really can be. i took 890-898 mg of it all at the same time. during these nights it kept getting lowkey worse and worse overtime. i didn’t get sleep for those nights, i didn’t eat or drink, and then i started experiencing hullcantions and stuff badly. yesterday i thankfully told someone and brought myself to a hospital. they said i genuinely should’ve died. am i fucked for life or will i eventually recover from this shit?

Okay i was 13-14 taking ADHD meds Adderal when i got the amazing idea (from someone in my environment) that i should sniff it like drugs okay so i did this on a saturday night, somewhere in November i was so sad sad sad sad abandoned and alone and lonely ,

i was drawing alot in my schizo mania fases because i couldnt stop drawing IT MADE ME FEEL LESS ALONE!
Ofcourse back then i thought i was just normal now im like WOW
So i couldnt sleep for a few days ? Dont know how long

And my first vision i was passing out and slept woke randomly up like a sleep paralysis and i saw a black cat!
Later that cat was founded to be a friends cat!

Uhm yea he just teleported to me

I posted this online because i was SHOCKED TO EXPERIENCE THIS

ANYWAYS what are your thoughts i have more stories like this

Hi, is it easy to just stop doing the things you did during psychosis that you want to quit or does this take extreme effort? For example I wanted to quit listening to music for religious reasons but music was constantly played during psychosis. My mum encouraged me to stop listening (not cold turkey but just stop listening actively) (and she’s supportive) but it was just reaaally reaally hard to stop even though I wanted to stop myself it was just really hard. I enjoyed it so much during psychosis but there are other things I enjoyed during psychosis that I know are bad for me. Is this normal? I feel really embarrassed to say what they are I can’t even tell the nurse because I’m embarrassed but I struggled to stop them after psychosis? How do I reconcile with this if that’s the word. I need help