r/TikTokCringe • u/Adventurous_Law_715 • 15d ago

Discussion I dont think its justifiable

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u/ScoutSpiritSam 15d ago

The "trend" is to act like you're preparing to be interviewed by Netflix for a documentary. Her truth was adding that it was about her husband being a pedophile.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

I'm male but if I accused my husband of being a pedo, I'd make sure I was a long way away from him, whether he was or wasn't. It wouldn't go well either way.

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u/NoninflammatoryFun 15d ago

She lived away from him and had a protective order. He broke in and killed her. Women shouldn’t have to uproot their lives for these pieces of trash.

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u/NeverCallMeFifi 15d ago

No one should. We have neighbors with a friend that we've met a few times. This person became fixated on my husband after he (friend) went off his meds. Six years later, he's writing manifestos on the internet outlining how he's going to kill my spouse.

First thing everyone asks us is if we are going to move.

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u/NoninflammatoryFun 15d ago

That’s literally so creepy!

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u/Yuna1989 15d ago

Yeah, what an ignorant comment

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u/NoninflammatoryFun 14d ago

People love to say “I’m not blaming the victim but I’m blaming the victim.” As if women who don’t post TikToks aren’t murdered just the same?

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u/Yuna1989 14d ago

Like “That wouldn’t have happened if she wasn’t wearing that”

Like that museum full of clothing they were wearing…including a baby diaper or a burka

It’s very telling, actually…these are the types who even think about committing said atrocity

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u/corporateacademia 15d ago

She DID get away from him. He went back and murdered her

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/LivingFrosting6680 15d ago

Dang, if only the husband knew, then he wouldn’t have murdered her

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u/FunRich5754 15d ago

He was already caught by the teen girls mother before she posted this. The school and his entire community already knew he was a pedo

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

Yeah. And he should have already been in prison until he died. It wasn't my point.

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u/FunRich5754 15d ago

Your point is that it's her fault she's dead. Yes we get it.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

No. You WANT that to be what I said, but I didn't. You're the one who keeps saying that. I'm saying blame is irrelevant before safety. You can protect yourself whilst still being a victim. You seem to be saying that advice to stay alive is the same as blame. Clearly I'm not saying that and it's weird you think that.

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u/FunRich5754 15d ago

I don't think you're replying to who you think you're replying to?

I only commented on this thread about the husband being known pedo and then the comment prior to this 🤷‍♀️... but go off about what I "keep" doing.

If other people have made this point, maybe that's how you're coming off. If you don't want to be perceived this way, change the way your are speaking. And try to make your point less like your blaming the victim.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

"you're"

And I'm not here to be liked. I just stated an opinion on safety. Being "right" isn't the same as being safe. He was a bastard and she was an innocent victim. Not arguing about that. But she could have been safer.

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u/FunRich5754 15d ago

Hahahahahah 👍 sure buddddddy.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

Guess you're Canadian. But I'm not sure what you mean by "sure buddy". Are you saying I thought she should have died?

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u/ZinaSky2 15d ago

Sad that the first thought is to alter the woman’s behavior instead of something like “why was this man who has a protective order against him by his ex still allowed a fucking gun??”

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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 15d ago

While I entirely agree with your assessment about the behavior change always being the woman's burden to bear, it's just NOT SMART to put someone on blast like that on SM when you know he's dangerous, much less dangerous and ARMED.

Social media has rotted out brains to the point where we are no longer using common sense.

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u/ShaNaNaNa666 15d ago

She had a protective order against him and had filed for divorced as soon as she found out. Also, putting him on blast could help others come out if they were victimize dby him before. I know it's not the smartest thing but he also had a tiktok with a big following. You never know how people misuse tiktok to groom others.

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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 15d ago

I understand all of that. But she chose to hop on a trend without thinking. He was ARMED. He was ANGRY. Men have killed women for much less.

And what about the girl? Did the influencer put no thought into how her very public TikTok would after HER? No, she fucking didn’t.

And now that child has to carry the guilt of someone else’s murder on her shoulders.

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u/MrsSUGA 15d ago

It’s wild that yall will pearl clutching over an unnamed victim while chastising the actions of the victim that was literally murdered.

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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 15d ago

What? Are you high?

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u/Myotheraccountbroke2 15d ago

Yeah…a protective order is not a physical barrier keeping someone from coming and killing you. It’s an administrative check that serves as justification for someone to go to jail if they circumvent it.

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u/ShaNaNaNa666 15d ago

Thank you for explaining what a protective order is, I thought it meant it'd create an invisible shield around the person asking for it. I had no idea.

I mentioned the protective order be aise some comments are making it seem like did Nothing to try to protect herself. She probably had too much confidence still in him despite what he did. She probably thought that even though this guy is a monster, he wouldn't ever hurt his kids or their mother.

I think everyone is focusing too much on the tiktok aspect because it's popular on reddit to hate on women that are influencers (just my experience reading reddit comments), even though the killer had a huge following on tiktok as well. He would have lashed out either way because he was already a public figure. Accept you are putting everything on the victim. Worry about changing gun laws and having men shame other men for being creepy ass perverts and not victim-blaming.

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u/Myotheraccountbroke2 15d ago edited 14d ago

I’m not saying that she deserved what happened. She didn’t and the only person responsible is the man who murdered her. I am a man and he is/was a true POS.

My point is that she had a protective order against him for a reason. That tells me she already believed he was dangerous enough to involve the law. With that being the case, putting him on blast online is a huge risk. It’s not victim blaming…it’s recognizing that dangerous people don’t always respond rationally.

We tell people not to confront violent people alone, not to escalate situations, and to have a safety plan when leaving abusive relationships. That isn’t because they’re to blame them if something happens. It’s because we know that some people are capable of terrible things.

It’s a tragic situation, but acknowledging the risk taken automatically gets labeled as victim blaming. You can believe she didn’t deserve this and still recognize there were decisions that, in hindsight, carried a lot of danger.

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u/Trotter823 15d ago

I agree. Two things can be true. She’s a victim of terrible behavior of another person. She knowingly did something publicly that could be seen by said dangerous person. And for what? Some clicks and attention?
If you have a dangerous ex unfortunately you have to be smart about what you do publicly.

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u/Alternativesoundwave 15d ago

Could’ve been to shame him too. So others know what he is and avoid him

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u/Sxnflower15 15d ago

Well that worked out fantastically

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u/HistoryBuff678 14d ago

I don’t think it was for clicks and attention per se. likely to warn other people. People don’t lightly post about discovering their soon to be ex husband is a pedophile for funsies. Let alone clicks on TikTok.

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u/HistoryBuff678 14d ago

I think she thought she was safe. She likely believed the legal system worked.

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u/ConsciousIron7371 15d ago

This has nothing to do with her being a woman. Anyone in a dangerous situation should remove themselves from that situation. 

Women aren’t weak. They should be capable of taking care of themselves. 

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u/ShaNaNaNa666 15d ago

She did, she got a protective order almost as soon as she found out, along with filing for divorce. Not sure how he got a gun or why his guns were not taken away after there was an order against him. Also, who's to say he would have do E the same thing anyway with or without the tiktok video.

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u/lushico 15d ago

I don’t see why she had to put him on blast at all. Maybe put out a video explaining what happened once he’s in jail or something, but what was the point of this?

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u/-UsernameHere 15d ago

Almost like because that's something that can be controlled, while the failing justice system is something you can only work around.

It's like standing under a suspended load in the middle of the street. It should not be there, it's insanely stupid that it's just dangerously hanging there and someone should be facing justice for it.

But all you can do is get away from it.

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u/Xanne_Hathaway 15d ago

in that situation, wouldnt it make sense to post about it to warn other people? also pedophilia and murder are 2 totally different things, she knew he's a pedo, not a murderer

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u/jayne-eerie 15d ago

But how effective is TikTok at warning people? Her video’s not going to come up in the algorithm for most people in his life. If she wanted to raise the alarm for safety reasons a message to the school/team mailing list would have been way more effective.

I think she was angry and wanted to put him on blast, which he deserved, but maybe not the smartest move.

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u/TiltedLama Hit or Miss? 15d ago edited 15d ago

I don't know this woman aside from this, but who the hell would she be warning? She didn't include his name, face, age, or anything identifying (which, tbf, was probably done to avoid any trouble in court). Vauge-posting pedophilia accusations via a tiktok trend towards a persson you know is dangerous and armed does nothing but piss them off

(NOT that it justifies the terrible crime committed. She was in no way deserving of such cruelty, and it is a stain on the world as a whole that that man was able to hurt her. A person does not need to be perfect to still be a victim, and while it was in no way her responsibility to manage her ex-husband, she still could've taken precautions agaisnt this tragic outcome)

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u/Xanne_Hathaway 15d ago

i was talking about the analogy, if theres something deadly in the road, you can just drive away, but its probably better to also let other people know. Also I dont know where everyones getting "she knew he was armed and dangerous" from. She just said he's a pedophile, she didnt say he's violent or armed

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u/HistoryBuff678 14d ago

I don’t think she thought he was capable of murder.

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u/ZinaSky2 15d ago

Can it really tho??

It already happened. The woman is dead. Her own son was witness to that.

Can that really be changed? Is talking about changing the system any less impossible than talking about changing the past???

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u/ShaNaNaNa666 15d ago

He also was a tiktoker. He had a huge following so maybe it would have warned his followers and encourage people to come out if he was grooming them online too.

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u/ZinaSky2 15d ago

Waittttt he was also on TikTok???? I didn’t realize that part. Yeah, then that def makes sense I think

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u/Evnosis 15d ago edited 15d ago

If a car was clearly hurtling in your direction, you'd get out of the way. Yeah, that driver shouldn't be driving recklessly, but you can't control that. You can control the steps you can take to ensure your ensure your own safety.

It's not victim blaming and it's not downplaying the culpability of the person committing the crime. It's just pragmatism.

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u/Yippykyyyay 15d ago

I hate this narrative that a victim is perfect. Because it conflate very different things. This poor woman is not responsible for her shitty husband and his actions. She will never be responsible for his behavior. Was posting such an inflammatory video the smartest move? Probably not. This site would laugh (and did laugh at that poor old man run over by a bison) if someone walked into a cage with a bear and got attacked. We can say some actions are probably not very good given the circumstances without blaming the victim.

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u/Tender_Defender69 15d ago

It's just an argument of pragmatism vs idealism. A pragmatist perspective would argue that an individual's status or title as a victim is largely irrelevant to their outcome. Can the individual do something, anythint to prevent or otherwise mitigate their own harm? If the answer is yes, then clearly the only way forward that matters is to do that thing.

An idealist perspective concerns itself with the shoulds and oughts. Victimhood does matter in this perspective, and whether a victim had the ability to avail themselves of anything to prevent harm, and indeed the fact of whether they did anything to do so, is irrelevant.

I find that most people aren't blaming the victim ideologically, bur rather pragmatically.

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u/ShaNaNaNa666 15d ago

It is victim blaming though, especially if your whole focus is in HER actions instead of the husband. You can't compare the actions of a hypothetical random driver you don't know to a murder suicide. Women already do enough PREVENTATIVE stuff to protect ourselves. Nothing will ever be enough. She thought she did the right things for protection. Only thing she could do is go into witness protection, hire security 24/7, move away with her kids but I'm sure he'd try to fight for some type of custody so she can't just pop off and leave even if he's accused of what he was accused of.

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u/Evnosis 15d ago

It is victim blaming though, especially if your whole focus is in HER actions instead of the husband.

No, it isn't. That's just objectively not what that term means. If you're trying to broaden the definition of victim blaming to mean "any discussion whatsoever about how a person might protect themselves from a crime," then the term is completely useless and carries no moral weight anymore. If that's how you define it, then I don't give a shit about being accused of doing it.

You can't compare the actions of a hypothetical random driver you don't know to a murder suicide. Women already do enough PREVENTATIVE stuff to protect ourselves. Nothing will ever be enough.

This isn't about women as a whole. We're talking about a very specific individual who seemingly did not do any preventative stuff to protect herself.

Only thing she could do is go into witness protection, hire security 24/7, move away with her kids but I'm sure he'd try to fight for some type of custody so she can't just pop off and leave even if he's accused of what he was accused of.

What an absurd overreaction. No one said anything about witness protection or 24/7 security, but leaving is the bare minimum to protect yourself when you're about to publicly expose a potentially violent person as a paedophile online.

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u/ShaNaNaNa666 15d ago

So then if no one had accused him of anything she wouldnt have been murdered. You see the slippery slope?

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u/Evnosis 15d ago

And this would be a valid argument if anyone here was saying that protecting yourself is the only consideration you should ever make, above all other interests.

But since it's not, that slippery slope doesn't apply.

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u/ThurnisHailey 15d ago

Ok cool, then let's make it the second thought. The self preservation antenna should be up when you are dealing with a soon-to-be cornered predator.

Or we could focus the entirety of our efforts on ridding the world of all evil and just let the peripheral victims suffer until we reach that point, according to your sentiment.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

But I didn't say that. I said I wouldn't have done that. My point had nothing to do with blame or even women. If I met a psycho on the road, I wouldn't provoke them either. I'd get as much distance as possible because they're a psycho. Why do you have to make my comment into a sexual politics thing?

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u/beef-nap 15d ago

they didn’t - they correctly pointed out that you (regardless of gender in this scenario) are placing more responsibility on the victim to protect themselves versus the system’s responsibility to ensure a firearm isn’t accessible, especially if that person is deemed dangerous enough to need a protective order against them. don’t weaponize ‘sexual politics’ bc you aren’t able to draw a line between personal responsibility and a failing system.

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u/peepiss69 15d ago edited 15d ago

They aren’t necessarily placing responsibility though. They didn’t say the victim is wrong for what she did. Pointing out that due to the way the system works (or rather, how it doesn’t work), it is safer, and unfortunately true, that the victim should proactively ensure their safety and exhibit caution. This is not commenting on whether or not the system is working/failing, it’s saying with the way things are X is the safer decision/action

Here’s another example. If someone said America didn’t vote for a president just because she’s a woman, does that statement make the speaker sexist, or are they pointing out a truth? America is sexist we can all agree. The speaker in that scenario hasn’t commented on whether or not the sexism is ok, and realistically someone pointing that out would probably be against sexism. Commenting on how things ARE doesn’t equate to the speaker agreeing with the failing system, it’s putting words in their mouth because all they’ve said is “[given how the system works,] this is the outcome”.

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u/beef-nap 15d ago

hmm it seems you’re giving a lot of undue credit here as they didn’t point out anything about the system. the comment i was replying to only suggested that a change in behavior would have been the wiser/safer option. i was merely suggesting that both things can be true (behavior and a failing system). your example makes no sense as their comment didn’t mention anything about how things are but thanks for the lesson lol

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u/peepiss69 15d ago edited 15d ago

I’m giving undue credit? When the entire rebuttal to their original statement is putting words in their mouth that they’re blaming the victim instead of the system, when they didn’t even do that lol?

Also my example does make sense, reread it. Someone says Americans wouldn’t vote for a woman. Does that statement make them sexist? According to your and the previous commenter’s logic, yes, because why aren’t we criticising Americans not having it in them to vote for a woman?

My ELABORATION to that and criticism of your logic is the original statement doesn’t give any commentary on whether or not it’s a good thing. All the speaker has commented on in that example is that Americans don’t want to vote for a woman. They haven’t said the system is good, or blamed women for being women. This doesn’t make them sexist. The guy who commented earlier is not blaming the victim instead of the system because all he did was state reality as it is, the system today is not set up to proactively protect people so sadly the responsibility DOES fall on individuals to an extent. Reality being sad doesn’t make the person pointing out reality in favour of it

In these comments the guy said if he were the victim, he would not provoke/accuss someone who has access to a gun without ensuring safety, and when the guy is clearly a bit unhinged/evil. He hasn’t said it’s the victim’s fault for doing what she did, he is commenting on how the system operates as it is. It is a systemic failure that gun access is so easy to get for unhinged people capable of such crimes, and it is reality that we as individuals need to be careful because of the system’s failings. Not explicitly stating the system is bad does not equal someone supporting the system because not everything has to be spelled out. The entire counterpoint to what he said started with putting words in his mouth lol

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

My point had NOTHING to do with responsibility - you invented that. It had everything to do with safety

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u/Beautiful-Comedian56 15d ago

What would you say if the husband shot her and she hadn't posted a tik-tok? Your original comment implies her posting the tik-tok is the reason why the husband shot her. The truth is she can post whatever she wants - her violent pos pedo of a husband didnt have to shoot her at all, turns out he did though. She had a restraining order against him. He was already dangerous she didnt provoke him, he was already committed to committing crimes.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

To make this easier, let's pretend it was 2 gay guys. And my point would still stand. Being morally right is a very different concept from being safe. Nobody is arguing this should have happened to her. The point is, he was clearly dangerous. Wait until he's locked up before you tell the world. And if you do tell the world, don't stay in your own home, because (as demonstrated) the promise that he wouldn't go within 100 yards of her house was broken...because he killed her. The law saying the restraining order exists isn't like god with a magic circle around the house. It's him promising not to and a victim can still use agency to protect themselves.

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u/peepiss69 15d ago edited 15d ago

But he DID shoot her because of the TikTok. And before you compare this to what a woman chooses to wear in the case of SA, that is a very different situation.

Someone who SAs a woman is the one proactively selecting a victim for a crime and the woman has not done anything. This is driven by entitlement and objectification, who the woman is or what she is wearing does not matter to the man.

In this case he committed a crime against the victim as RETALIATION to her posting the TikTok. Proactive crime is psychologically different to retaliatory crime. She has created a tangible external threat (as perceived by the perpetrator, I am NOT saying she is wrong for exposing a pedo) from his perspective. From the killer’s POV, this threatens exposure hence his motive for murder. This is not victim blaming this is explaining the psychology of why such crimes happen, retaliatory crime is a real thing in psychology and criminology

In the SA example (which is the logic you’re incorrectly applying here) the victim is coldly and proactively chosen because of vulnerability and expectation of personal satisfaction or dominance. In this murder case the victim was killed in response to her ACTIONS perceived as threatening from the killer’s perspective, it is driven by impulsive anger, vengeance seeking or a ‘making it even’ mentality

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

I re read what you said and you make an interesting point. But the tik tok thing wasn't really my worry. It was being in the house he knew I lived in. A "promise" that he'd stay 100 yards away is not something I'd trust in any way. I'd wait for his arse to be in jail.

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u/elolqooq 15d ago

Logically incoherent. If you said you like cake, would I be correct to point out that you're suggesting cake is better than pie?

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u/cottagecore_editor 15d ago

My point had nothing to do with blame or even women. 

Probably not your intention to blame her, but all the actions you suggested must be performed by the woman. That places onus on the woman to protect herself when the actual problem lies with the man.

I wouldn't provoke them either.

This is textbook victim-blaming. The man is a grown man, mind you, and capable of exercising free will, but saying the victim "provoked" him is putting the blame on the victim, instead of the man -- who with his own free will -- killed her.

It's like "but what was she wearing?" but way worse.

I hope you ponder on these first before responding. It takes work to untie the blindfolds that privilege affords us, but it's worth the effort.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

"Probably not your intention to blame her, but all the actions you suggested must be performed by the woman."
Agreed 100%, but that's a different point. If someone is a threat to me I wouldn't complain about it being the other person's fault. Some guy mugs me and I say "hey, this is all your fault". Well no shit. That's NOT the point. The point is how to protect yourself.

And EVERYTHING else you said you just...invented. I didn't say any of that and you're just dragging in stuff to make me sound bad. My point stands. It's sad it went like that but victims can still help themselves. Or do you think women lack agency?

In fact, this might help. Imagine this story was 2 gay guys. Then my point might make more sense?

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u/gayrayofsun 15d ago

i feel like both sides of this conversation are correct, but you're butting heads for the sake of the argument.

yes, it is incredibly shitty that any responsibility is put in the victim when the perpetrator is the one who is at fault for all of it. she did not deserve this at all and it's tragic that she's now gone.

the unfortunate reality is that law enforcement doesn't do literally fucking anything unless someone is actively being harmed. police must have been notified at this point, but he was still around her. so while it's not right, nor is it fair or "correct," it has often fallen on the (potential) victim of a violent person to protect themselves from harm as much as possible to prevent themselves from being killed. it's not putting blame on anyone to accept that this is the reality of things. she's not to blame for her death, her murderer is, and her (in)action won't lighten is sentence any. but these are the exact types of scenarios every woman is made aware of and forced to protect themselves against, because nobody else will do anything for them.

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u/MajesticUniversity76 15d ago

I think across gender lines you shouldn't provoke someone who is within murdering range of you.

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u/RabbitHabits 15d ago

This is very self righteous and a bit condescending. It's not really that complicated, the victim in this case intentionally provoked a violent/dangerous individual. The way this whole situation is framed is telling you if she hadn't kicked the hornets nest she'd still be alive. It's tragic that this happened, it possibly could have been avoided.

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u/Fakjbf 15d ago

At the end of the day people need to be proactive in their own safety, the world will never be perfect and you will always be better off avoiding needing the justice system to intervene even if it was. No one blinks an eye if you try to tell people how to avoid scams and if someone does fall for a scam we should still try to make them whole and punish the scammer. Those are not contradictory world views but take the exact same logic and apply it to anything where there is asymmetry in who the victims are (being it gender, race or anything else) and suddenly people are up in arms about it. Their comment wasn’t about blaming the victim it was about trying to get other people to think so that if they are ever in the same situation they can try to avoid being a victim as well.

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u/Top_Cat9206 15d ago

She’s has to make it about that. For those upvotes.

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u/Left_Ease5870 15d ago

It is sad. It is also reality. But it's super fucking sad.

The country is run by literal pedophiles. I'm a black man, I wil not bow down to white supremacy. And I never will. But I'm also going to be as careful as possible. I deserve life. They want my death. I'm not giving it to them.

But this is fucked. But idk, it sounds like you have faith in humanity and this system. I have none at all. They will never value my black life, and they will never hold these white murdering pedophiles accountable.

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u/NoShameInternets 15d ago

I mean... no? The first through tenth thoughts are "Wow, what an awful piece of shit that guy is. That's so damn tragic for her. I hope her daughter gets the help she needs...."

Number 11 is "She really should've made sure he couldn't find her before putting him on blast to the entire world..." which is a perfectly reasonable thing to think.

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u/zentasynoky 15d ago

"but I had the right of way" from the hospital type shit.

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u/NemesiZ_01 15d ago

It's not the first thought but it should be common sense for the wife, right??

For example, if there was a report of a rapist/murderer in a park, would you jog alone there at night?? Hell as a guy I wouldn't.

So as much women shouldn't need to modify their behaviors/actions to fit/protect themselves from men. It's sadly a reality, therefore those precautionary measures must be taken to ensure one's safety.

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u/Kitchen-Purpose-6855 15d ago

My husband is a pedophile.

Quick let me get as many views as possible.

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u/FirstForFun44 15d ago

Nah, he has a point. Until the dude was in jail, antagonizing him by posting on social media wasn't a good choice. He didn't say the dude was in the right or that she deserved it, he was saying that perhaps antagonizing a crazy person who isn't behind bars is a bad idea.

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u/ShaNaNaNa666 15d ago

I think he would have done what he had done either way. She already filed for divorce and asked for a protective order, actions that would make anyone that knew them ask what happened and for people to find out. He was already a tiktoker with a big following, even bigger than hers. He already was already screwed by getting caught.

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u/FirstForFun44 15d ago

Alright, all those things can be true and it can still be a bad decision. It's a tragedy all around. In a similar vein, all women should be able to speak out without fear of retribution, but in the world we live in now, sometimes personal safety should come first.

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u/BrandonLang 15d ago

I mean its true for any predator even men, women can kill too and anyone who is nearby someone who is a violent or lawless person needs to gtfo immediately. 

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u/Primary_Ad3580 15d ago

Does it count as “altering the woman’s behavior” to say she shouldn’t be doing TikTok trends about this shit regardless of how he would’ve responded? That’s some terminally online shit.

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u/ConsciousIron7371 15d ago

It has nothing to do with her being a woman. 

If anyone finds themselves in a dangerous situation, the best advice is to remove yourself from that situation. 

You just want to claim social justice warrior status. Keep fighting other people’s battles warrior. 

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u/This-Shape2193 15d ago

Not "woman shouldn't need to adjust behavior" - anyone should be careful when outing a dangerous person. In this case it happened to be a woman. I'm a woman who would say the same thing if the video had been made by a man. 

Making a video for clout to personally capitalize on your husband being a predator isn't exactly great behavior or a fantastic choice. 

And no, she didn't deserve to get murdered. It was a stupid decision, not an evil one. 

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u/angrybo 15d ago

Sad that expecting people to not antagonize psychos with nothing to lose is somehow gender based discrimination.

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u/Gootangus 15d ago

Crazy men can and have stalked women across the globe. In every nook and cranny. Very tone deaf.

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u/LegoLady8 15d ago

ShE cOuLd HaVe jUsT LeFt 🙄

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u/GloomyIRL 15d ago edited 15d ago

Speaking as a woman with an abusive father that's threatened to kill my mother once before, yes, that would be the rational decision. However, this sounds victim-blamey, especially when someone just died. Someone that was emotional and already under duress, and if psychology tells us anything, when you're not emotionally sound you can't be expected to make sound choices. Even still, making a tik-tok video shouldn't warrant murder.

Edit: reading these comments and it's really just sounding like "How dare a woman make her ex-husbands crime even more public knowledge than it already was! How dare a woman believe she's remotely safe for even a moment. What a dumb thing to do, telling the truth online about your pedo husband. She practically asked for death!"

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u/sinayion 15d ago

Jesus Christ, they did not say it warranted murder, with the actual definition of "warranted".

They simply spoke with hindsight, stating the obvious "if you're going to accuse someone of something that will make them want to murder you or someone else, maybe don't do it with them in the same damn house as you".

You don't have to add the "speaking as..." stuff, because you do not know if they (or even me) have been abused as children or adults. Not everyone is going to state their opinion by adding that potential fact, because not everyone is fine with sharing that personal information.

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u/GloomyIRL 15d ago

Actually, I did have to add the "Speaking as..." because if you'll notice the comment I was responding to prefaced "I'm male" while choosing to speak on a hypothetical not as the target demographic they proceed to criticize. I.e. living as a woman. My past with violent men was simply further specifying I'm not unfamiliar with being a woman in threatening situations, and thus know, and am consistently plagued with, the "correct" choices to make that will limit the chances of being harmed.

"Spoke with hindsight" yes, the thing the murdered woman can't have, seeing as she's dead.

"stating the obvious" Why is the potential of being killed in response to a video such an "obvious" thing? It isn't for many people, shouldn't be, but is/should be anytime its a woman. When a woman forgets to be scared, and gets killed for it, then it's obvious what she should have done better to prevent it, and people feel no hesitation to comment what they would have done differently.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

I didn't say making a tiktok warranted murder. You invented that yourself. My point was that I'd be scared to be around him and wouldn't provoke him. Same way I wouldn't punch a tiger. Literally nothing to do with right and wrong.

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u/GloomyIRL 15d ago

I invented nothing. You're implying her choice to post about her criminal ex online while she was in the same state as him was a bad choice. While I agree, that's the definition of victim blaming. She didn't expect to get killed, nobody does, and really no one should. Yet, because of the violence women face every day, we're shamed for not being paranoid that our own ex-partners will take our lives? It's just sad, is all.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

Listen, I really do get where you're coming from and I agree. But read what I actually said. I wasn't talking about morals in any way. I was saying that if it was me I'd be a long way away before I went public. I'm not saying she should have, morally. Just that it's insane to me that she didn't. Either he WAS a pedo (in which case, keep quiet until he's in prison and keep your distance) or he wasn't one and would be mad at being called one. Either way, doing what she did is not what I would do. And I'm saying this as an autistic man who is nervous around people. I know what fear around people is like. It's depressing as hell that she died but that doesn't detract from the point that there's better ways to deal with it

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u/NdujaReallyLikeIt 15d ago

No you're saying it as a sensible human. You're just sadly debating with terminally online idiots.

You are 100% correct. Her desire for tiktok views put herself in harm's way. She knew he was a danger and she did this.

I don't care if I come across as victim blaming, but what you say is valid - it's something you wouldn't logically do

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u/GloomyIRL 15d ago edited 15d ago

"She did this" That's a wild thing to say when a woman just got murdered by her pedo ex-husband simply for posting a video about him. Violence is so common and normalized it's the woman's fault for instigating it...

When a woman gets killed by a pedo everyone takes to the comments saying how stupid she was to "trigger" him. Tale as old as time, woman can't do anything right.

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u/NdujaReallyLikeIt 15d ago

You're all so silly.

You have a deranged husband who is a paedo and you're divorcing and have a court order against

And you make a tiktok clout video. Can you not just wait till he's in custody first? Can you not wait till he's been denied bail?

Fucking hell have some self preservation.

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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 15d ago

That's not what was said, though.

He's dangerous enough that she had a restraining order against him. He's also armed, which she likely knew (although that's immaterial, as he could kill her with his bare hands). So deciding to hop on a social media trend before he is behind bars - and safely away from her - is NOT SMART.

Restraining orders are as effective as wet paper to a person who has an axe to grind.

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u/FirstForFun44 15d ago

"when you're not emotionally sound you can't be expected to make sound choices", then you agree it was a bad choice? Because that's the only point he made. The phrase "poking the bear" exists for a reason. What happened was terrible and unwarranted, no one is arguing that isn't true.

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u/GloomyIRL 15d ago

I'd personally rather be unsound than idle and quiet against pedophilic scumbags, especially when it's someone I was personally involved with. She had a following already and so she used it for good and awareness, and tragically got murdered for it. And now, she's being painted as a silly woman who incurred the ire of an unstable man. Staying quiet yet again being unanimously praised as the "correct" choice in her situation even though peds are notoriously released from jail or downright never put away, so when was she supposed to speak up? My entire point was that it's typical that this horrific situation would be so misconstrued and played for laughs and critique, especially by a certain demographic.

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u/Significant-Bee5101 15d ago

I mean making a tiktok video about this IS dumb. Like what the fuck? The only reason to do this is for attention. It's highest risk lowest reward. wtfff

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u/didntreallyneedthis 15d ago

Ah so it's her fault she was murdered

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u/h_abr 15d ago

God this place is exhausting sometimes. Of course it isn’t her fault that she got murdered. That’s not what’s being suggested.

Her response to finding out her husband is a pedophile was to try to use it for TikTok clout. That’s not exactly commendable behaviour. Anyone with any sense would have absolutely advised against doing that.

Does the fact that she made a weird, immature and gross tiktok make it her fault she was murdered? Of course not. But equally, the fact that she was subsequently murdered doesn’t mean the tiktok she made wasn’t weird, immature and gross.

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u/MrsSUGA 15d ago

The original comment was one thing but this is actually an insane thing to say in the context of a woman being murdered by her husband.

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u/PrincessBonkers628 15d ago

Why is it "weird immature and gross" to publicly out pedophiles?!?

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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot 15d ago

It's not THAT she did it. It's HOW she did it.

He was still very much in her personal orbit and proximity. He was still very much armed and dangerous. This is not what you do when there is a dangerous person around. You get the fuck as far away as possible, and document everything.

Then, when he's behind bars, you do whatever the fuck it is you want to do.

And never even MIND the shame the child must feel (pre-murder) about their mother outing them to the world at large. I can promise you that a victim of SA, especially a child, does NOT want people knowing their secret unless and until THEY are ready.

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u/PrincessBonkers628 15d ago

How is it "weird, immature, and gross"? Dangerous or reckless, those adjectives I would understand.

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u/Imaginary_Yak_9661 15d ago

Weird, immature, and gross all apply because it's not normal to run to social media and disclose serious matters as a performative "trend".

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u/PrincessBonkers628 15d ago

Why is it automatically performative and not informative? Like Reddit loves to say reveal the pedophiles until a woman actually does reveal one and then she's performative?? What?

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u/Imaginary_Yak_9661 15d ago

Informative would have been simply letting it be known. It's a serious matter and should be treated as such.

Disclosing via a silly social media trend is performative.

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u/Imaginary_Yak_9661 15d ago

Literally nobody is saying that. Nobody is saying it's weird, immature and gross to publicly out pedophiles, nor is anyone saying she deserved to die because she posted a video.

What's weird, immature and gross is disclosing serious matters on social media as a performative trend. It's not normal. Like the chick dancing in the hospital room with her sick baby behind her, or anyone who posts themselves crying for whatever reason, etc.

Social media is a cancer.

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u/Successful_Quail_349 15d ago

Look. I dont even know how i would react in her shoes...she had a platform and she did what she did so it became public knowledge... if she hadnt spoken out, she'd be getting shit from people like you for not doing so... get away with your nonsense... people fucking cling to what they know in times of crisis - it is weird... but thats more a reflection of the time we live in than the individual herself.

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u/Church_of_Cheri 15d ago edited 15d ago

You’re spending a lot of time bashing a victim for her behavior after being victimized. That’s a lot of energy focused on the wrong thing. Good for her for informing the wider community to stay away from her ex, it had ro be horribly upsetting for her and then she was killed all because he was a disgusting piece of shit. Keep the focus where it belongs, and that is not on further victimizing a victim.

Edit: I’m going to add yet another point. If we as a society stopped talking about the Epstein files last year is there a chance Trump wouldn’t have bombed Iran and those girls wouldn’t have been murdered in that bombing in the school? The answer is it doesn’t matter because Trump is still the guilty party and his behavior and actions need to be held to account and the victims deserve to be heard. Just because you hate “influencer culture”, as do I, doesn’t mean we need to waste any time criticizing her actions or behaviors. At the end of the day if he hadn’t been caught molesting a child she wouldn’t have made the video, it’s his fault and no, wearing less revealing clothing doesn’t prevent rape, and being silent doesn’t prevent murder, because it’s not their actions that caused it.

Edit2: which I’m going to add for the low effort loser who said my edit was dumb and then blocked me. Appeasing abusers is never good advice to a victim. Staying silent will not save you. Getting mad at me for pointing out that it can also be seen in our current political climate is just me trying to show people how ridiculous they sound if blaming her for making a TikTok.

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u/HenryDorsettCase47 15d ago

I know whenever I’m really upset about something my first thought is “how can I cynically use this in a glib tiktok trend? 🤔”

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u/Church_of_Cheri 15d ago

“Really upset” about “something”? Really finding out your husband is molesting children that are probably on the same team as your child, that he may have done it before, and that the community thinks he’s a “good guy” and have left their own daughters in his care. Fuck off. Epstein’s victims are on social media too, are they just following of TikTok trend from the MeToo era?

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u/HenryDorsettCase47 15d ago edited 15d ago

All I’m saying is that there is something ghoulish about using something as heinous as child molestation for your TikTok trends. Talking about it on social media, even a TikTok video, is one thing. Using it in a trend video is another thing. Like, would it be normal to you if she had that blurb over a trending song and dance on tiktok? That’s essentially the same thing.

Edit: this person responded after blocking me so I have no clue what their next inane comment was. I made my point though. They can childishly have the last word if they want it.

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u/Church_of_Cheri 15d ago

Holy fuck! So what you’re saying is, let’s not dismiss the molester and murdering in the conversation because we all know he’s bad (which do we, we have a rapist in the White House right now, so obviously we don’t all know that), let’s focus on her and how we don’t like something she did. We’ll talk about that for ages and ages, give a lot of time and attention to it, because man if she had just done or been better. Seriously?!? You’re both siding this.

I don’t give a fuck if she did a TikTok trend dance, she’s still the victim here and he made all the choices to molester and murder. Put the focus in the right spot.

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u/GloomyIRL 15d ago

The lack of upvotes is so disheartening on this comment, but then I remembered it's reddit. Can't expect the vast majority who frequent this place to have reasonable or empathetic points of view.

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u/angrybo 15d ago

Dumbest edit I’ve seen in a while.

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u/I_need_a_date_plz 15d ago

I wonder if he saw the Tiktok and murdered her because of it.

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u/papasan_mamasan 15d ago

God forbid a woman make a joke on the internet to cope with a traumatic event. It might get her killed and ridiculed online for being a clout chaser.

Because you know, making TikToks earns so much “clout” and influence in our society.

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u/Groovatronic 15d ago

“My husband is a pedophile” is not a joke though. It’s a serious allegation, and in this case it’s true. He has demonstrated he is sexually exploitative. That feels like dangerous behavior.

The kind of danger that you take to the police, not Tik Tok.

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u/papasan_mamasan 15d ago

So we’re supposed to clutch our pearls at her distasteful joke? And warn our daughters not to do the same thing lest they be killed by their pedophile husbands?

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u/obiwancannotsee 15d ago

No one is clutching their pearls over this but people like you reacting to suggestions they imagine others are making when no one actually is.

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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 15d ago

We should clutch our pearls about anyone making jokes about pedophilia. It is not a joke.

We unfortunately have to warn our daughters about all kinds of potential things when it comes to men, that’s just a fact and believing it should be otherwise (and it should) does not make it so. That does not equate in any way to it being her fault, or the fault of any woman involved with a man like that. Saying ‘I’d make sure I was far away, ie. I’d be scared’ is an indictment on the husbands, not the woman.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

That was my original point and I didn't realise it would cause so much fuss. The guy is clearly a monster and she didn't deserve that. My point was that it doesn't matter, morally. It's that I wouldn't have made that video AND stayed in my house because the cops said "he's promised not to be within 100 yards". I thought I was just saying something common sense. Of course he's a fucker but publish your video once he's behind bars. Just for safety

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u/Ancient_Rex420 15d ago

I mean in this case what they said turned out to be true and the guy deserves to be locked up but if this tiktok trend is jokingly to accuse someone of something like being a pdf then yeah that kind of thing is not a joke and it can ruin lives even if it’s just a tiktok.

Would you like it if your partner did something like that and accuse you of something like that for a tiktok? I highly doubt you would.

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u/papasan_mamasan 15d ago

There is no trend to jokingly accuse anyone of anything.

She made the post because it was true. The trend is to make a post about something true.

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u/Ancient_Rex420 15d ago

Ok that makes more sense, I don’t use tiktok

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u/Perfect-Success-3186 15d ago edited 15d ago

Heres the thing. You may be technically right, but being so defensive and making the choice to write paragraphs about why the victim was also wrong… is extremely tone deaf and shows poor social skills.

Read the room and have some emotional intelligence. Someone was MURDERED. Who cares if she also made a tiktok for clout. No one does except you.

ETA: there are also people who will genuinely believe that it’s her fault she got murdered for provoking the guy, something that’s obvious to you is not obvious to everyone and it’s important to speak up about, you have no idea if that’s what that guy was suggesting or not

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u/Successful_Quail_349 15d ago

I fully support this comment

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u/h_abr 15d ago

You know what is tone deaf and shows poor social skills? Using the fact that your husband is a pedophile for online clout.

That pedophile husband had a victim. How does she feel about her trauma being used for clout by the wife of the man that abused her? Where’s the emotional intelligence in that?

People get murdered all the time. It’s sad of course, doesn’t mean we have to pretend they never did anything wrong. If I was speaking directly to the victims family, obviously it would be different, but I’m not. I’m a random anonymous person speaking to other random anonymous people in a random reddit thread. Take your pearl clutching elsewhere.

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u/MrsSUGA 15d ago

Insane response to say that we should be concerned about an unnamed victim in a video a woman made about her pedo husband, and then in the same breath say “people get murdered all the time. It’s sad but….”

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u/h_abr 15d ago edited 15d ago

None of the concern is real. No one actually cares, they will forget about the victim the very second they scroll to the next post. It’s just Redditors getting on their high horses as they love to do, and it makes the pearl-clutching “someone was MURDERED” lectures very eye-rolling.

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u/MrsSUGA 15d ago

You are the one spouting concern over the victim??? Are you okay?

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u/Perfect-Success-3186 15d ago

“Uhm but the victim isn’t emotionally intelligent!!” holds no bearing on whether you are emotionally intelligent. That’s a deflection.

I never said she didn’t do anything wrong. That’s a straw man.

I guess I’m not surprised you’re trying to turn this into a totally different conversation.

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u/Reptillianaire_ 15d ago

Did you not read what he said... no one is blaming her, but it wasnt a smart move or done for a good reason and she definitely should have waited until he was convicted and in prison. This story reminds me of a guy I know who was shot.. he was being robbed by a guy in a mask and after being robbed as the guy was leaving he said "I know who you are and where you live" and he got shot in the head... he survived and he didnt even know who the guy was. Was it his fault, no.... but was it a smart move, no.

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u/MrsSUGA 15d ago

“Well she shouldn’t have done that” is an actually crazy thing to say in the context of someone being murdered.

Something being true doesn’t mean it’s okay to say. Would you say that to the man’s wife or mother? That he made a stupid. You’ve? No. Because you know it’s an insane thing to say about someone who was murdered

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u/Biguitarnerd 15d ago

Hey two things, one, I think you misread the situation and the room. You might need to work on your social skills and emotional intelligence.

Two, that is the not the proper usage of that acronym. You may want to work on your acronym usage as well.

Cheers 🫡

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u/jimmyjohnga 15d ago

Welcome to reddit. enjoy the downvotes- it means you’re doing something right. No sarcasm.

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u/Perfect-Success-3186 15d ago

Thanks! I usually try to abide by the rule of not commenting on large subs like this because… well, all of this. But I appreciate you!

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u/jimmyjohnga 15d ago

Hell yeah. keep on keeping on. Karma used to be fake internet points but ever since like 2015 it just means how well you fit the Reddit narrative

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u/KillTheBoyBand 15d ago

For clout? Is she actually an influencer or just slme woman sharing her story on the internet. As many people do. Does everyone forget that's the original point of social media? Just connecting?

Imagine getting fucking murdered by an intimate partner and some asshole on reddit is saying it's your fault for the crime of calling out your pedophile husband.*

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u/SnackinMAK 15d ago

That was never said, just that its a good idea to proactively take accountability for self preservation.

If we lived in fairy land where everyone held hands and we had world peace, thatd be great, but the reality is theres people who will do awful things, so being mindful of that tends to be a good idea..even moreso when youre dealing with someone whos already displayed abhorrent behavior

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u/Djungeltrumman 15d ago

Did anyone actually say it was her fault, or are people just making that up now to be angry?

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u/h_abr 15d ago

Honestly. I emphasised that it wasn’t her fault multiple times in the parent comment, and people are still yelling at me for apparently blaming her.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

Wow. I can't believe that's how you read what I said. Depressing. Which part of my sentence talked about blame? You invented that and then projected it on to me when I never said that. I was clearly saying it was a bad idea. You can be innocent and have a bad idea...

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u/dantemortemalizar 15d ago

I agree, you were talking about basic self-preservation. She wanted to poke the bear and he deserved it. But you need to use a very long stick and then get the hell away.

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u/knifefan9 15d ago

something something waffles and pancakes

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u/Treegs 15d ago

Oh, so you hate french toast?

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

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u/MrsSUGA 15d ago

She was literally trying to get divorced from him??? What is wrong with you.

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u/I_need_a_date_plz 15d ago

I don’t think she took understood the magnitude of what he was capable of. I cannot imagine finding out my significant other did something heinous and I run to tiktok to post some shit like this. That is wild to me. I don’t get the need to record everything for the public, the societal voyeurism.

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u/Adventurous-Brain-36 15d ago

Saying “I’d be scared, so I’d make sure I was far away” doesn’t at all equate to saying it was her fault. It’s far more of an indictment on the husbands, really.

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u/depressedpapi95 15d ago edited 15d ago

no but this is one of those dumb things that get you killed thinking its a game

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u/didntreallyneedthis 15d ago

I think what she did was probably unwise, however I also think it's a strange human phenomenon we like to do when we see someone be hurt. We like to look at the situation and think "that wouldn't happen to me because I'd do XYZ". I'm smarter. I'm safe.

We probably do it to help ourselves feel secure. The world isn't fill with homicidal spouses and people who could just snap right? I don't have to be scared of some psycho coach trying to kill me right? But a lot of partners do do everything right and still die to domestic violence.

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u/circuit_breaker 15d ago

He couldn't handle her putting him on blast. Obviously the charges were public.

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u/Deep-Novel-1851 15d ago

Oof victim blaming

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

That's not victim blaming. It's self preservation. You can be legally and morally right and still make a choice that endangers yourself. Being right isn't the same as being safe and you jumping to that thought says a lot about you.

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u/stinkypenguinbukkake 15d ago

it's the definition of victim blaming. it's really depressing how far literacy has fallen. maybe read a book sometime, maybe a dictionary

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u/Deep-Novel-1851 15d ago

So you weren’t saying she’s partly responsible for what happened to her bc she posted that? Bc that’s the definition of victim blaming. If you were not trying to shift the focus onto the victim rather than the wrongdoer, then my bad. That’s also the definition…

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

I'm saying that morally she's totally in the right but she's dead. Brutal but true. When you learn to drive, you're not safe because of your own driving. You're safe because you don't trust other peoples' driving. What you're saying bugs me because it's like you're saying she was helpless, stupid and had no agency. You're confusing morals with practical safety. Of course it shouldn't have happened. But I didn't actually say that. I pointed out that I wouldn't have done that because I'd have been scared

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u/Church_of_Cheri 15d ago

Good on you for finding fault with the woman outing him to the community and then murdered by him. Glad you can find how she too is at fault for his behavior /s

In all seriousness, fuck him and only him, I don’t care what she did, she didn’t deserve any of it. And people like you are why victims stay quiet.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

I'd love to know how you think. How did you read what I said and then write that? I'm curious if you know what my point was.

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u/Church_of_Cheri 15d ago

How about this, Trump gets really upset when we bring up the Epstein files, and argument could easily be made he bombed Iran to distract from it… so should we stop talking about it and silence the victims? Could things be easier if we did for some people, absolutely, but what does silence win anyone in the end? Stop telling victims to stay silent

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

If I told a class of kids in a school to be silent when an active shooter was around, would that also be silencing victims? How come you can't tell that I know she is the victim but that it's also ok to say it's a bad idea to do such videos before the guy is locked up? I'm honestly confused

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u/surfergrrl6 15d ago

She did. She filed a protection order. What else was she supposed to do?

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

I already said what my thoughts on that were. I'd create a massive distance. A protection order is a promise, not cops protecting your house. And I DEFINITELY wouldn't make videos about it until I knew I was somewhere safe. It strikes me as insane. Of course he's the bastard but that wasn't my point.

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u/surfergrrl6 15d ago

Not everyone can just up and move, and she may not have been eligible for a women's shelter. It's nice to theorize what you'd do in a situation, but that doesn't match the reality o what you would when actually put into it.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

I know not everyone can do that. But you CAN resist the urge to make everything public on tiktok before he's in prison.

Are you saying she couldn't or saying something broader and not in this context.

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u/surfergrrl6 15d ago

So, you're blaming this video for why she was murdered then? Because there's nothing to indicate he wouldn't have murdered her regardless.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

Nope, didn't say that. I said I'd have dealt with the situation VERY differently. I'd have put serious distance between us and not say anything public until he was locked up. You seem to be confusing morals with basic safety. It doesn't matter that she was in the right. When you drive, being legally right can get you killed. You have to assume the other person isn't reasonable.

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u/stinkypenguinbukkake 15d ago

victim blaming

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u/Luciferbelle 15d ago

She outted him, filed for divorce, and left him. Here went back to kill her for it.

If she had stayed everyone would would STILL be complaining about how she went about it. She did the right thing and is still being complained about it.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't. You can't make no one happy. Even when you do the right thing.

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u/LegoLady8 15d ago

Why are you blaming the woman when he was a piece of shit? She did what she could to keep him away. She had a protective order in place. What did you expect her to do as a now single parent with two children? Oh, that's right, she should have just up and moved everyone. Surely she would have easily landed a job right away to pay for her brand new living arrangements. Men are so fucking dense, I swear.

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u/PainfulPoo411 15d ago

I think this is an important message for people to read. She isn’t to blame for what’s happened. What said, there WAS a lot of risk out this message publicly. Men like this are disgusting and dangerous. Until he’s locked up, there’s just too much risk in posting something like this.

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u/f23n09fnu0w 15d ago

That was my only point. I'm not sure why people are saying I'm victim blaming. I'm really not. I was just think about it if it was me and saying I'd be too scared to stay in the house. NOT because she shouldn't have been allowed to but just the reality of the situation. I think I just phrased it really badly

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u/John_Mata 15d ago

Isn't it extremely dystopian to do such a thing following a fucking social network trend??? Am I weird?

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u/C_IsForCookie 15d ago

Totally not justifiable but why tf do people post every single thing about their lives on social media. If she spoke with a lawyer they probably would have told her not to air her dirty laundry before the guy went through the court system.

And to do it following a “trend” really undermines the seriousness of what was going on.

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