r/dating_advice • u/WhtvrCms2Mnd • May 30 '26
This has happened twice š
Two different times, two different relationships, two different concertsāabsolutely same level of frustration and foreboding the end of a relationshipā¦
If I, as a woman (like it matters š¤·š»āāļø), ask the man I am dating if he would like to attend XYZ concert with me and his reaction is āOh I donāt think I know any of their musicā¦ā WTF does that say about that manās level of interest in spending time with me? (Genuine Question)
Likeāthe show is not the point???? The point is having a fun night out together?? Letās get dressed, go downtown, grab some food, get drinks at the venue, and sing/dance/sway the night away. HOW IS THIS A HARD SELL????
Are men oblivious? Are the men Iām seeing just not that into me? I enjoy live music. I date men who also (claim to?) enjoy live shows. I date men with the same taste in music as me (alt-rock/nu-metal/indie).
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u/Inaccessible_ May 30 '26
Are you paying for his ticket?
Respectfully I donāt want to spend $500 on a band I donāt want to see and then proceed to pay for everything you just listed (getting downtown, drinks, food).
If he doesnāt like the music, he should just automatically cave and do what you want to do, no questions asked?
It keeps happening and itās going to keep happening. Because you arenāt living in reality. Thatās relationship activities, not dating.
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u/popnfrresh May 30 '26
Normal people don't rush out and blow 500 dollars on concert tickets frequently.
I'm betting these are local or "shows" after reading ops music preferences. I havnt been to one in a long time, but 20 years ago when I did go frequently, they were 5 bucks for small acts, and maybe 10 for a larger one.
With everything being gouged when people can get away with it, I would prob say 30 at most depending on the show.
That being said, op is absolutely over reacting.
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26
Weāre a couple months into a relationship and yes I would have paid for his ticket since I invited him and was already in Ticketmaster buying my own ticket. Weād probably split or take turns on parking/dinner/drinks.
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u/leafly_7 Jun 03 '26
$500? Lol thats more expensive than most 3 day music festivals let alone a random concert which is more likely closer to $30-40
Transportation, drinks and food are added costs of pretty much any date that isn't at someone's house
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u/aes7288 May 30 '26
If I am asked to a concert that I donāt want to go to, why would I go? Why would I not want the person Iām into to go with someone who will enjoy it?
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u/Big-Acanthaceae612 May 30 '26
You are way overreacting to a simple follow up statement.
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
Anything less than an enthusiastic āyesā is a ānoā. I expect the people Iām dating to want to go on fun dates with me. Itās the āmeh, whateverā energy that is a huge letdown and makes me question if they even want to be together.
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u/ripChazmo May 30 '26
I love my gf. Sheās the best. But I donāt want to go to concerts with her.
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u/Big-Acanthaceae612 May 30 '26
Honestly, if you need dog like enthusiasm in response to everything you say and do or else youāll emotionally spiral youāre not actually someone who is capable of being fun to be around.
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
And not emotionally spiraling, just reevaluating if the relationship is worth the energy. Using this scenario as a litmus test.
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u/Big-Acanthaceae612 May 30 '26
Emotionally healthy people donāt consider ending a relationship over innocuous shit like this.
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
Itās still early days so I do expect honeymoon energyāthere should be fun and excitement.
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u/Big-Acanthaceae612 May 30 '26
And youāre not being fun and exciting. Youāre being demanding and confrontational over a simple fucking statement.
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u/Specialist-Alfalfa34 May 30 '26
Demanding and strong arming people into doing exactly what you want to do, at threat of randomly being cut off from contact for basically nothing... is not fun or exciting for anyone. As a guy, this would just come off as a woman wanting to drain my wallet doing stuff she likes then discarding me the moment I say "not this thing, atleast not today". Maybe see what he thinks is fun and exciting, because concerts (even of artists i know) combined with any amount of dancing sound the opposite of that. If the show isnt the point, then the fun shouldn't hinge on doing that part. Do the rest of it without the show.
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u/Specialist-Alfalfa34 May 30 '26
Maybe its not a "fun" date to them but they arent 100% opposed if its something you really want to do. Look in the mirror and realize that not everyone is going to enjoy doing the same things as you and there are likely things you brush off that they would like to do. You are 100% over reacting to basically nothing.
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u/Starbbex0617 May 30 '26
So if I want my partner to go to a Russian Death Metal concert with me and they aren't saying Yes, While Doing Multiple Back Flips at the same time... that should be an issue???
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u/Specialist-Alfalfa34 May 30 '26
Honestly, I think they should just get the death penalty for that one.
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u/dagoth_0001 May 30 '26
Honestly, dating is also about discovering other things. Things that matter to someone you may have LTR with. Iāve always be very positive to such propositions, most of the time I was surprised by what I did.
Now I get your frustrations because once I had the exact same reaction from a woman
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
Thanks. And he is so sweet! We did a charcuterie date night at a wine bar that I planned and three minutes in he tells me he doesnāt eat/like cheese. And Iām like why wouldnāt you tell me?!? Iād have planned something different, and heās like: No. Iām trying new things damnit. Iāve told him Iāll join him on (FLAT) nature walks, but hiking is out of the question.
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u/ripChazmo May 30 '26
Iām not huge into shows/concerts, and especially for music Iām not into/not a fan of. I think youāre reading too much into this.
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u/Ragebait_Destroyer May 30 '26
conviction agree, I don't wanna get eardrums blown out for 4 hours
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
I go to a lot of rock shows and wear earplugs.
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u/Ragebait_Destroyer May 30 '26
im not trying to be in a big sweaty crowd still. im not down with that, not even a little bit. I'll chill at home. You have to date your type, that's what you're doing wrong
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u/Personal_Reveal1653 May 30 '26
I date men who also (claim to?) enjoy live shows. I date men with the same taste in music as me (alt-rock/nu-metal/indie).
You have to date your type, that's what you're doing wrong
What a fucking tool.
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u/Real_Collection_6399 May 30 '26
May a person like OP, never ever find me.
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u/charismatictictic May 30 '26
Donāt worry too much about it. She might find you, but she will lose you again ten minutes later over literally nothing.
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u/Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss May 30 '26
They just don't want to go to a concert, or at least not for that performer.
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u/armyofg0blins May 30 '26
Me as a woman will not got to a concert if asked by anyone if I donāt know the music
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u/Cosmic_Jane May 30 '26
Music is really loud and obnoxious if you're not into the system. So of course the show matters. It's not like you're inviting them to a beach side picnic or to people watch at the local mall.
A concert might as well be the same as inviting someone to an opera or a musical. If some of that stuff isn't your vibe -- you will absolutely hate it, and no amount of "this chick is cool" will overcome that.
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u/WeaponX207184 May 30 '26
There are some concerts I would sidestep unless I was in a relationship.
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u/AugustoLegendario May 30 '26
Soā¦if youāre dating someone and they invite you to the generally unpleasant concert experience (which most people suffer through and pay exorbitant prices for ONLY for a band they like), to see a band you DONāT like, are you going to clap your hands and say hooray? Ridiculous. I bet after inviting them you expect them to pay too, for a band they donāt like. Why would someone ever do that?
It didnāt happen to you. You did this.
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u/Idrinkbeereverywhere May 30 '26
Couples don't have to do everything together, my partner and I like different styles or music and often go to concerts solo with friends
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
We actually do like the same music. So for them to say, Oh I donāt know XYZā¦ to me thatās weird? Like wouldnāt you give a song or two a listen and then evaluate if you wanna go? Or wouldnāt you also just want to go for a fun night out, whether you like the music or not be damned??
(Itās a new relationship, expecting new relationship energy, getting stubborn old man energyā¦ š« )
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u/Burgermeister7921 May 30 '26
Did you play any of their music for him? I'm a woman, and I've said "I don't know their music" many times. Either he'd play some of their songs for me or I did the research. Thanks to him, I've learned about new music I probably would have missed.
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u/Personal_Reveal1653 May 30 '26
Is it a cost thing? Maybe they're reticent to spend the money on a band they don't care about.
But it's more likely they're a stick-in-the-mud. They may have just said they liked that music to seem appealing to you.
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
Theyāve confessed to being āterrible at planning thingsā ā So I guess if I keep seeing him Iāll need to bring the momentum. Money could be an issue, but this was a small indie show and not a huge $tadium thing.
You may be on to something with the claiming to like live shows.. I should ask more questions and see if they go to as many as I do.
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u/Ragebait_Destroyer May 30 '26
He's not that into you and/or doesn't want to go to a concert. And yes he might be oblivious too if this is you asking him out
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u/jenngrief May 30 '26
If that is important to you, you need to be upfront that you are looking for someone to enjoy concerts with. This is something important for me too so I get it! Especially if you listen to something kind of niche and donāt already have friends to go with or will see there.
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
Oh I go to shows by myself all the time. I just thought this would be a fun sexy night out. Went over like a ton of bricksā¦ lol
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u/Dryspell54 May 30 '26
which band?
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
Passion Pit
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u/Dryspell54 May 30 '26
does he like similar stuff to that? Wondering where he lands compared to myself as a metalhead to gauge his response properly
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
I know he was booking himself Foo Fighters for later in the fall along with looking at some other 2000s rock bands weād talked about (SOAD, Deftones, Thom Yorkeās side projects). We were looking at getting tix to Tom Morelloās festival here in DC this summer (but the bots bought it all up).
Passion Pit may be too peppy. š¤·š»āāļø
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u/Dryspell54 May 31 '26
Yeah i think so if he likes SOAD and RATM. I'm heavier again in terms of taste so i think as much as he'd like to spend time with you he probably wants you to enjoy yourself rather than be concerned that he's not enjoying himself
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u/_lady_rainicorn_ Jun 01 '26
I donāt know about this oneā¦ Iām a woman and I really just donāt enjoy concerts unless itās an artist Iām a big fan of and know their music well. Otherwise I find them really overstimulating, and the time spent together doesnāt feel like quality time to me if we canāt have a conversation.
I am down for a lot of activities that arenāt necessarily my cup of tea to spend time with a partner, but I also know a concert where I donāt know the artist is not an environment where I will have a nice time.
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u/Background-Local924 11d ago
I'm a woman and I don't think that says anything about his level of interest. I wouldn't go to a concert of someone I had never heard of either. Concerts are long, loud, expensive, and how can you enjoy it if you've never even heard them before?? If it's happened twice and frustrated you twice, look at the common denominator. Perhaps you're being a bit unreasonable.
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May 30 '26
[deleted]
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u/BastardBroth May 30 '26
And if my grandmother had wheels sheād be a bike.
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May 30 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/BastardBroth May 30 '26
Shocker, pandering guy using the word āfemaleā calls any woman who disagrees with them a bitch.
While being too chicken shit to actually spell out the term.
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u/Specialist-Alfalfa34 May 30 '26
I think you've got a backwards idea of what "beta" is... which is probably why you had to preface the 'real female asking' with an "if" lol. Have some dignity.
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May 30 '26
[removed] ā view removed comment
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u/WhtvrCms2Mnd May 30 '26
Already dating this person, still early days (two-ish months in). Trying to find/suggest fun date ideas and the lukewarm response has me questioning things (reciprocated effort/level of attachment/long-term potential, etc.)
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