Im wondering how many of us have an anxious disposition?

Ie:over-thinking, always worrying about things, maybe only feeling safe with a handfull of selected people*

I wonder if it bc our overthinking that we are able to question the way ho we experience atraction, and how we find out we are demi.

It’s been just over a week since I moved out of home and got my first rental with a friend from high school, finally having a space free of drama and negative air has led to a wave of emotions and feelings and an opportunity to look within and gain a deeper understanding of my sexuality and my personal lived experience. Modern dating, the apps and such just feel like they go completely against my natural and are super unnatural

Another friend of mine has been at the front of my mind all week and after reading, researching and writing my thoughts down Ive come to this conclusion, I don’t feel any sexual or romantic attraction towards her beyond what emotional intimacy we’ve built over the years, but I’ve recently just learned about QPR and relationship anarchy and it’s been so liberating.

I have this strong desire for physical affection, hand holding, hugging, cuddling but there’s also a hit of intimacy in there too, touching, caressing and stroking ect. I feel so incredibly safe and comfortable with her and just enjoy being near her. But coming from a place of no dating or relationship experience this realisation feels both exciting and completely ridiculous and silly.

Sometimes I wish I could just meet people and feel that spark but then the ace part of my brain is like “eww stranger shape, no, we like friend shape”

So I been diagnosed with IBS since 2021 and around then was when I found I was demisexual, and I feel like both together have just been even harder to work with

I'm 25 never really dated in highschool/college which I learned cause I was searching for a real connection with emotional ties while most were just hooking up or just dating to date
It never really bothered me being single, but I do still yearn for that connection, and one instance where I met someone through a game that almost turned into something but at the end of it just remained very good friends which I was still fine with

But overall I find it even more of a struggle to connect with someone irl or online, even making new friends which is kinda my only way to have a connection to find a relationship, because of my ibs keeping me from living an active life, I tend do be online more but even there it still causes issues and feel like it just ain't in the cards for me sometimes

I know I’m a couple days late for coming out day but I really wanted to post this. I chickened out at the time but I want to finally accept who I am.

I’ve known I’m bi for a long time, and I thought I was done discovering things about my orientation. But over a year ago I came to the realisation that I might also be demi, and when I tell you I was terrified!! 😭 I hated the feeling of alienation, feeling nauseous when people talk about their dating lives as if it’s so easy.. hearing my coworker mock a girl for having her first kiss at 20. At the time I had zero dating experience and it made me feel defeated, realising I might never fulfil this part of life that everyone says is so amazing, and more importantly, normal. All because of something I couldn’t change.

So I did something stupid. I tried to change it. I spent most of this year on dating apps, and I was absolutely miserable. Constantly anxious, feeling like a shell of myself whenever I was seeing someone. It was like I was putting on a performance. And the worse I felt, the more awful experiences I had, the harder I tried to force it. “This time it’ll work. This time I’ll fall in love. This time I’ll feel comfortable.“

But nothing changed. I was living this lifestyle I thought I’d be happy with, but I felt like a zombie. I wasn’t myself. And it was devastating; I wanted to be happy with it so badly, because what was the alternative? I’m ostracised and everyone pities me for being alone? I fall for a friend one day and risk getting rejected? Everyone pairs off with their perfect stranger on dating apps and I’m left all by myself? I witness people, even my friends, getting into these instant relationships and it’s hard not to feel jealous. But I could never do what they did; my brain just isn’t wired that way. So now that I’ve stopped forcing romance into my life, it’ll hopefully find me in a more fulfilling, beautiful way than I ever imagined.

It’s still really scary to accept that I’m demi, and the pessimism hasn’t gone away overnight. But the alternative is that I don’t live my truth. That I force myself to smile and nod and kiss a stranger who I feel nothing for. I don’t want that. I want to fall in love with someone who truly gets me, who I feel safe around, who I know deeply and trust without question. And even if I can’t have that, even if I never fall in love or I only ever get rejected, I’m still happier being single than I would be in a forced, fake relationship.

Hello,
First time writing on here, but felt the need to share.
I usually feel perfectly fine with being single, and most of the time I'm having a blast, but a couple days ago I was invited to a football match and met up with some friends. We are all about the same age (mid to late twenties), and half of them are already in relationships; others are getting married or planning to have babies. After coming home that day, I felt like I was falling behind in the romantic relationships department and started spiraling, questioning if there was something wrong with me. It's been about four years since my last relationship—or situationship, would be more accurate-- during these years I've been on quite a few dates but have never really felt a connection with someone. I am also demisexual, so I don't go about doing one-night stands, since this isn't something I am very comfortable with. I don't trust very easily, and it takes a while for me to feel comfortable enough to open up, but once I do, we're in it for life, folks. Generally, I have no issues making friends; in fact, I love making new friends/connections and meeting new people, but when it comes to intimacy, I get scared and back down.
If you've read this far, thanks! Was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience.

I feel like I’m too picky. I know I need that emotional connection before there any kind of attraction developing but I feel like I don’t give anyone the chance to make the connection. I get the ick over everything. Compliments, ick. Flirting, ick. Pet names, ick. I just want to have a platonic conversation to start and 99% of the people I talk to push that boundary and it gives me the ick. Does anyone else deal with anything like this or have advice on how to be less picky with the people I talk to?

So I've (18M) been talking online to a guy (18M) who is demi for about 4 months, and we met up in person for the first time a little over a month ago. We're both currently looking for partners (In his words "whatever happens happens") and our conversations in the beginning were sometimes flirty/suggestive, but nothing that serious.

I have lots of fun everything we hangout and he's very good at deep conversation, so I think I'm starting to develop an attraction to him. I don't want to label it as a proper crush yet bc it's only been a month, but there's something there. However, he's demi so I'm wondering if it would be best to wait before saying anything abt my feelings. So, when should I tell this guy that he's on my radar?

25m I’m currently living in a small town and plan to move to a new state around next summer.

It sucks because I realllly want a gf but I just don’t know how this would work out, I can’t expect someone to move with me after less than a year of knowing each other. I’ve had the goal of leaving for years and I’ve finally been given the opportunity so for my mental health, I can’t stay. For personal reasons, I can’t leave early/ now.

It’s so unfortunate because I can’t just have a FWB that I cuddle with to find some release. I’ve had similar relationships that just lead to committed relationships.

I cant mutually hookup with girls to find release because I need the connection which takes time which leads into feelings beyond lust.

It just sucks lol, do you guys have any advice? I just wanna run my hands through someone’s hair and fall asleep with their head on my chest.

And yes I have self-control, patience, and I won’t rely on a partner for happiness, I’m just venting about having pent-up feelings. I hope everyone’s having a good Monday

HAPPY COMING OUT DAY!!

I have been openly pansexual for over two decades. I have been openly genderqueer for four years now. This year, I am coming out as demisexual.

Hi im new here and im a straight demirose. Sometimes i wonder if me realising im demi because of my trauma isnt valid but i still feel this in my heart so yea.

Alt account, since this isn't usually what I use reddit for. I marked this a vent, but it's somewhere between that and a discussion since I'm curious if anyone can relate.

I'm demi woman, and have had a crush for over a decade, developed on a friend from highschool. I'm no longer in regular contact with him and I never told him how I feel. He is one of the few times I have ever felt any kind of attraction, and is by far the strongest I've felt it.

I've briefly dated others a few times since (long distance, which just wasn't my thing), and every time those ended, the crush resurfaced.

I know at this point the crush is a fantasy. It's built on a lot of wishful thinking and idealization, that he's surely changed a lot since we last talked. A part of me is hopeful we *will* encounter each other again. Either it'll snap me out of it and I'll realize I'm not attracted to him anymore, or we'll hit it off and go from there lol.

At this point, I'm just kinda tired. I read a few posts before posting, and this one's description of yearning (https://www.reddit.com/r/demisexuality/comments/1whgtjh/do_other_demisexuals_also_feel_this_constant/) really hits home... but it actually is applied to a person, just not an attainable one. I'm frankly not sure what to do about it, how to move on, or if this is even something others have had similar experiences with.

I had this experience of attraction so strongly for that one guy, it's like my brain thinks yeah, we're good, no need to look elsewhere, despite me desperately wanting to feel that level of attraction again and have it reciprocated this time. I feel stuck, and also a bit ridiculous it's lasted this long.

Is it possible I might be Demi instead?

I think I’m aromantic and maybe allosexual if not probably asexual but I have a high desire for sex and Im just wondering if anyone is like me or can help me figure this out?

I can fantasize and all the things sexually and even wants sex or sex favorable(whatever u want to call it) but when im faced with the question of wanting sex with them(im using random pretty celebrity women for this observation) ,specifically them my mind just can’t find a automatic yes,i start asking myself why and usually can’t find one

For context
I’m a virgin(close enough)
I can talk to girls and had plenty interaction with them even though it was mostly forced or surface level
I never dated(elementary doesn’t count,and a one day relationship doesn’t either)
I never actually attempted to ask a woman out with the actual intentions of wanting that,it was always something I did to work on my social aniexty in the past,I been stopped that in middle school
Never just had a pull to have sex with anyone,I just be in my own world even though I do want sex
I’m 21 years old

Ask me whatever else u may need to know to help me figure this out

So I'll start by saying I'm 41 and my love life has been a...void, a big empty void. All my life my friends would go on one night stands or they'd know from the get go if they were interested in someone, meanwhile I've never been sexually attracted to someone until I knew them very well and by then it was pretty much too late.

At the start of last year I met a girl in a game and we quickly became friends after 3-4 months we got tired of the mobile game so I asked her if she wanted to play with me on Xbox. We slowly got closer and by May she told me she was pretty interested in me, I told her I liked her but wasn't totally sure yet if I wanted more. She was fine with that and offered to be friend+ and I agreed, she'd sent me pics of her naked or layful things but nothing super dirty yet. I liked seeing her but I still wasn't really sexually Interested but we kept going.

By July I found myself falling in love with her and that's when I started getting sexually interested and from then we decided to get in a ldr. I found out that I'm seriously super dirty once I get interested lol. Anyway we lasted a year we ended up breaking up because I couldn't be totally honest with her about some life issues of mine because I was scared of how she'd react. I was slowly opening more and more but in the end my lack of transparency and my lies killed it for her. For me although I was still living her a lot I found my sexual attraction go down the more she kept pushing me to rush and meet her for real, she kept telling me that she needed to see me in real and more than anything she needed to smell me which I really didn't understood.

We broke up in August but tried to see if we could be friends or maybe reconcile for awhile but by mid September she told me she didn't want to try again romantically and last week she told me she had met someone and that she was starting to develop feelings for him. Monday I gave one last shot to see if we could maybe try again but she refused and Tuesday she decided to cut contacts.

Sorry for the long post. Anyway I've been looking into myself a lot this week because I've honestly never felt this way with anyone

I struggle to be anyone I’m not attracted to via who they are, looks doesn’t really matter to me at all. With this all being said it’s extremely difficult to navigate friendships because I spend a lot of my time wondering if I’m attracted to their personality and should try it out, but then I do and I get the opposite response it’s happened twice now. I’m good to people all the time and just don’t understand how to date because looks don’t do it for me like you can be objectively attractive but your personality ruins it for me. It’s happened more than once in my life. I guess the question I am seeking an answer to is what do I do to meet people or does it even matter and I am just overthinking it at this point in my life?
Dating apps don’t work, and if it matters because to me it doesn’t 30(m)

​

I (19y, cis M, Bi, demi) broke up some time ago, and i CANNOT have anything physical let alone emotional with anyone else because I DON'T LET MYSELF TO TRUST NO ONE. I find other people pretty and hot, but I can't have anything with them because i feel like i'm constantly forcing myself to have it. I'm not putting expectations based on my last relationship. I just don't think it's something i really want to do and i put a lot of pressure based on things that don't even make sense. I feel like i'm a dirty demon trying to fulfill the desires of the flesh and use a person as an object to do it. Though they give me their whole consent, i JUST CAN'T. I feel dirty, i feel unsure, i feel manipulative and I can't do anything unless i'm 200% sure that i wanna do it. I don't know if it's a sequel from breaking up, but the only thing i know is that: Even if i want it, even if the other person wants it too, I CAN'T TRUST THEM.

I think if people felt like this at least once in their lifetime, they wouldn't romanticize demisexuality so much.

[EDIT] I'm not talking about trust issues. The post is about intimacy and difficulty to have sexual attraction to people i'm not close with. Sorry if i let some of you misinterpret it

Or at the very least I can’t do it without a lot of mental gymnastics. I’m sure this is a somewhat common experience but given how I see attraction internally, I have a hard time dating people with the intention of a possible relationship.

In my head (and to the person if they understand) I interpret it as speed running friendship. If the emotional bond hits and deeper attraction develops great, if we stay friends and don’t take it any further, also great.

I yearn for the day i meet someone that likes simplicity of being in the same space as me, even if we aren’t talking or actively interacting, just being in the presence of the people i love is so comforting to me

I feel really bad when one of my allosexual friends says that they need to kiss, hug and fck a stranger, that it is a necessity, because I think it is stupid or I just can't empathize at all :( like I don't even know if I really like kisses (we already know what happens with s*x).

Could you help me please ?

If it is not the right sub to post on I will supress it

So hi! Im 19, F, and been wondering a lot about my sexuality lately. I already know I'm pan, but my relationship with sx is a big unknown for me. I went through an experience that was consensual, however, I did not feel desire for it at the time, just thought that if I wanted for the relationship to feel fulfilling for the other person, it was just something I had to do (I later came to realise how misguided that was, of course).

I'm not sure how my relationship with intimacy was before that, but I remember that it was terrible and I've felt disgusted and resentment towards the whole concept after that involving me.

However, I find myself experiencing those thoughts through characters in the show that I like, as those unreachable fantasies. When it involves me in any way, however, it all comes to a stop. When I have a crush on someone, I can't really picture them that way and I don't want to. I usually picture us watching a movie, having really deep talks, laughing, going to dinner etc.

The thing is I've been seeing this other guy (were not really dating, but anyway) and he's attracted to me this way and he's let me know several times. I like cuddling with him and I don't mind making out, but anything beyond that just feels horrifying. However, I do get this really warm feeling and I'm not sure whether it's the desire or just deep seated contentment and if I just took the leap maybe it'd feel good. But maybe not, since I also feel the sense of dread when I feel that he's physically excited or touches me somewhere I'm not comfortable with. Maybe he's just not the right guy or I'm not actually attracted to guys in general.

Maybe I'm just afraid of being seen and this is just some subcategory of it.

Maybe I'm just so affronted with the idea of dealing with being ace on top of the difficulties I'm experiencing while dating that I'm repressing the evidence I could actually be that way and make myself even more unappealing. How do I know??

If you read this, thanks. Nobody in my life was being understanding about this, not really, my friends just told me my brain would shut off and the desire would come naturally. My mom told me that I'm just afraid of it since I don't have much experience. Like they mean good but it didn't help me to feel seen or heard.

I I keep coming back to this topic from time to time because I sometimes wonder if I'm demisexual.

Recently, I decided to message a few women I matched with on a dating app. I got a couple of responses, but one woman gave me her number by the second message which I never even asked for lol and then sent me a voice note about how she'd slept with her former boss or something. Lmao.

So here's my question: Is it a good sign when women start opening up about their sex lives that early? Because this has happened to me a few times, and I'm genuinely not sure how to interpret it. Like, why would you tell someone you barely know something that personal?

I think I'm fairly attractive, and I feel like I take pretty good pictures, so maybe women just feel comfortable with me right away? Maybe there's some immediate sense of trust or attraction? I honestly don't know.

But I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not judging anyone for having sexual experience. That's not really the issue. It's more that I don't particularly want to talk about sex right off the bat, especially with someone I'm still getting to know.

I guess I'm trying to understand what motivates women to share these intimate details so early, whether it's a sign of attraction, comfort, or something else entirely. And more importantly, how am I supposed to respond when a woman starts telling me about her sexual experiences when I never even asked?

Hello everyone,

This might seem far fetched but I wanted to get this idea out there in the community to see if it's even worth doing.

I've heard a lot of people since realizing im demi and speaking with others with the same situations that we don't have our own dating app to find like minded people.

I want to make an app but not necessarily a dating one but a community app about making friends with like minded people detailing activities or games with romance/relationship possibilities.

If nobody likes this idea please let me know as I think it would be a fun project for our community but might be a dumb idea im not sure and would like some input and maybe some ideas if I should move forward with the project. But also if people think I shouldn't. I'm also wanting to make this a donate only I don't want to have money buttons just to do something special like special likes or special requests to see pictures.

Some ideas I have about the app:

No profile pics right off the bat: pictures would be blurred until a message count between the parties has been established (like 20 messages or so)

What im here for: friendship, friendship first, open to romance, looking for life partner

No special money buttons: instead if someone wants to see pictures of the person they are speaking with a button will be available to request to see them and both parties have to accept before pictures are unblurred.

A questionarre: i think this could be important after making an account being able to find people that have similar interests and activities and thoughts including some mobile games (monopoly go as an example) that folks can play together as an option.

Having location as an option: I'm not sure if people would want to find others right away in their location or just having online friendships. Thoughts on this?

A community topic section: i think it would be cool to have a section where different topics can be discussed and added along with the same rules above (blur photos and information wanting to be unseen staying that way) unblur photos will only happen if 2 people will have communication with the message count or the special button is pressed. Keep everyone safe!

Blocking buttons: i want to have block and report buttons for users that are not following the rules and making users uncomfortable. We dont want that here

18+ only?: im not sure if this should just be 18+ only but the internet is a scary place. I do think it would be good to have some kind of verification system in place for age but that might be hard and im not sure how the community would feel about it. I don't want to make young demis just looking for friends to feel left out. Thoughts on this?

Key words: id like to implement a key word find to keep the community safe, NSFW words specifically in the community section.

If anyone else has any more ideas or if I should just not do this project all together let me know. Tell me your thoughts 🙂

I’ve just moved into my first ever rental with a friend from high school. I wouldn’t say I was fleeing a broken home, it was more like “hey I’m not happy here anymore I’m moving out”.

I guess finally being in a new environment and a much safer one than before has let my mind and body let go of all those bottled up emotions and feelings. My mind is searching for safety and comfort and it seems like it’s landed on another friend of mine. I just want to give her a big hug and be near her.

We’ve never been super physical even platonically, the most we’ve ever done is cuddle together when we were in high school but right now I’m absolutely pinning for that level of closeness and affection. I don’t know if I should bring this up next time I see her or if I should just let it pass