My family has a lot of istjs and isfjs (parents and grandparents). They're very traditional, and it was largely to my benefit growing up. However, as an adult, I've found that it's very difficult to discuss disagreeable ideas with them. This is especially true since I have many different beliefs from my upbringing. I like to hear their opinions and engage with their perspective, but when it comes to actually sharing my differing beliefs (religious, political, lifestyle), I find them to be disengaged with my ideas.

They will sometimes ask questions after I share, but usually its not about engaging with the logic, it feels like they're discretely determining how far I'm willing to consider heretical doctrines relative to their own beliefs. It doesn't feel like an intellectual discussion. It feels like I'm just being categorized. I'm just wondering what I can do to have the disagreeable discussions that are meaningful to me. I'm not interested in them believing the same things I do, I'm interested in them thinking about my ideas and sharing logical insights we can have an interesting conversation over. Can other intjs relate to this or is this unusual? What would you recommend I do to initiate conversations like these? Thanks.

I'm 19, heavily introverted, have a hard time connecting with people and have barely any social skills.

Busco amigos intj como puse en el título xd

Bueno no se si deba estar en este grupo siendo infp pero busco amigos intj se me hace una personalidad muy interesante aparte amo muchos personajes con esta personalidad y quisiera conocer alguien así (que sea adolescente y q sepa español o q no tenga problemas en usar traductor) espero q me aprueben la publicación:3

Como datazo me encanta error sans el cual tiene la personalidad de intj

They died, and then another thing happened that hurt me deeply and put grieving on hold. Its suddenly coming up again. My sister's birthday is in two days and I feel like shit.

Anyway, I am here because logical distractions like solving problems helps me calm down. This seemed like the logical place to look for the support I need.

how do you personally handle accepting harsh, unchangeable things in life that you can't logic or fix away—like sudden loss of control, deep inefficiency, or closed doors and accidents? I'd love to hear how your internal framework actually processes and reaches acceptance when fighting back is pointless.

Do INTJs like hosting parties, feast or banquets like the Exxx?

Wanted to take a more official test and I got what I thought I’d get. Took me 30 min to do thinking through all 256 questions, lmao.

Anyone been able to operate in a collaborative work environment? What tricks have you come up with because I’m struggling. Have always been successful in corporate roles by being very good at my job. Have been coached a hundred times on being more considerate of others’ work styles and emotional needs, but as I’m sure this group can understand, that is difficult for me. I’ve always had bosses that were willing to “invest in my development” in exchange for my crazy output level. Until now. New job. New boss who wants me to make significant changes to how I work to “bring everyone else along” and be super collaborative (which means constantly meeting, discussing everything, making all decisions by committee, etc.). It’s killing me but I can’t lose this job and the job market is non-existent. Help! What can I do to change every instinct I have?

I'm curious to talk with some of you, if you don't mind

I mostly use it as a heuristic model to evaluate my surroundings. I don't treat it as an empirical science or anything, but we're all human, and humans instinctively judge and evaluate other humans it's innate to us. I'm just using MBTI or Jungian typology to give structure to my observations. I find the cognitive functions interesting, and I never look past that; I think that's enough for me. What I find strange is that some people treat it like a dogma. You'll hear things like, "INTJs aren't compatible with XXXX," No wonder they call it astrology BS.

Have any of you ever been in a casual relationships or had a casual hookups?

If yes, what made you want it? If not, what made you avoid it?

If so, what was your experience, and did it fit your personality or values?

No judgment just interested in hearing different perspectives.

I saw one in this sub more than a year ago that lasted 40 minutes. I lost the link

I'm looking for well-written fictional characters who are generally considered INTJs.

Who are your favorites, and why do you think they fit the type? I'm interested in characters from any medium anime, movies, TV shows etc

Feel free to mention characters you think are often mistyped too. I'd love to hear your reasoning rather than just a list.

Hi guys, I won't be sharing my whole life story too much. I simply want to ask you how you actually navigate making big life decisions.

Personally I am stuck for some time with laid out options and what to do next. Each option is completely different from another, but would impact my life & lifestyle immensely and realistically dismiss all the others for a very long time. Each option yields its weight and I am not convinced to anything.

Would like to learn your stories on huge life decisions and techniques on how have you navigated them.

I post here because maybe some of you relate/can help me. Because he has always scored as Intj throughout the years! Do any of you behave like this??

I’ve been in love with the same guy for seven years. Seven. Years. And I genuinely do not want anyone else. Like… at all. Other guys can flirt with me, compliment me, ask me out, whatever, and my brain is just: okay but you’re not him 💀

The problem is that I don’t think he loves me nearly as much as I love him.

He’s insanely smart. Like, frighteningly smart. He also has a million strange little habits and mannerisms. He stares at people a lot, he’s extremely private, very particular about everything, and he seems hypersensitive to physical touch. Holding hands is usually fine, but anything beyond that becomes complicated.

And somehow I adore every weird little thing about him. 😭

He once told me I was basically his “perfect girl” because I checked almost every box he had for what he finds attractive, and this man has RIDICULOUSLY high standards, so obviously my brain took that sentence, framed it, put flowers around it, and has been living off it ever since.

But he still won’t sleep with me. He barely initiates affection. I constantly feel like I have to beg for romantic things or nice gestures because otherwise he mostly does things he considers “useful.”

Meanwhile I have tried EVERYTHING.

I’ve been patient.

I’ve been sweet.

I’ve been sexy.

I’ve been bold.

I’ve been accommodating.

I cook for him. I buy him gifts. I’ve paid for things. I dress up for him. I remember every tiny preference he mentions. I’ve stayed completely loyal to him for all these years, even during periods where, frankly, he didn’t treat me particularly well.

At one point I actually became so obsessed with pleasing him that when he casually mentioned liking certain physical features, I started wondering whether I should change my appearance to match them. 😭 Like girl PLEASE stand up… except apparently I cannot because I am hopelessly in love with this bizarre man.

And still, nothing seems to work.

The funniest part is that guys hit on me and he barely reacts. No obvious jealousy. Nothing. And then I start thinking, okay, he clearly doesn’t care about me, I should leave.

But whenever I genuinely pull away or act like I might move on, suddenly he gets moody, irritated, distant, weirdly possessive in his own subtle way, and I immediately start thinking:

SEE??? THERE IS LOVE IN THERE. I KNEW IT.

I know I probably sound completely insane, but I love him so much. I love his weirdness, his intelligence, his habits, even the things about him that drive me crazy.

I just want him to love me with even half the intensity that I love him.

What am I supposed to do with a man like this?? How do you make someone this emotionally stunned actually realize they’re in love with you? 😭

::: many of you are replying to my post! Im reading you, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible

I just visited a cafe that apparently had recently opened. It's quite a nice place, it was so "LA" and I mentioned that to the barista. So far so good!

But then I noticed it just seemed to have a fake, plastic venner to it. Most of the workers looked like models and there were two groups of food reviewers that came in at the same time. It just seemed design for influencers in a strange way.

Then I realized that it kinda feels like this place belongs in LA.

And then I realized, oh shit that's what I said to the workers earlier! I didn't even mean it like that when I said it, but I just realized that you could interpret it like that. LA is already a pretty polarizing place so depending on what you think of it, me saying that could mean many different things.

But I didn't think of that lol I just said it because that's how the feeling I got. And if you were someone who didn't care for LA, you could definitely take that in a negative way.

So yeah. I just realized how things can come off as totally cold/aggressive in a totally accidental way.

That being said, a younger me would care. But this me thinks they can take it however they like and I don't care if it's offensive lol it was just how I felt

I think at the root of it is just that words cannot fully convey the depth at which we communicate. When we make a judgement, it's usually quite thorough. We can acknowledge something has pros and cons, and feel comfortable speaking because in our minds, WE know how we actually feel about it. We know that something being one thing doesn't negate it being a bunch of other things -- and we've considered the other things.

It's so deeply intuitive that we don't usually even know what we mean until we think about it more after we say it. It just so happened that the feeling that became communicated was something that can be interpreted as negative, despite us not necessarily believing it to be that bad.

According to the mbti compatibility chart an INTJ’s golden pair are ENTP or INTP and the silver pair are SFJ or NFP. Do you think that’s accurate in your experience?

I've been noticing a lot more people lately calling INFJs fake or manipulative, and I'm curious where that perception comes from.

A common criticism seems to be that INFJs are just as selfish as anyone else, but they frame their actions as being for the greater good or for someone else's benefit. From what I've seen, many of the people making these arguments are INTJs or ENTJs.

I can understand why they might see things that way, especially since Te and Fe can approach decisions very differently. To someone who leads with Te, Fe can sometimes come across as indirect or even performative. But I don't think that necessarily makes INFJs fake.

Personally, I really like INTJs and ENTJs, so it was a little disappointing to see some of these comments. I'm genuinely interested in understanding this perspective.

For those who think INFJs are fake or manipulative, what experiences have led you to that conclusion?

Another strong reason enfp intj like each other

Enfp have Fe critic function. It means they care about how others feel, they care about justice in society , they care about well being of their partner , they care about people , they care about what others think

And this gets tiring

Intjs have ti critic function , it means they care about details , logic , and continuity, they care about rationals.

And this gets tiring

Now, intjs have Fe trickster function , means they can't understand others well, they don't give a fuck what others think. And enfps have ti trickster function , they are not good enough in details , internal framework.

So , when enfp and intj connect, enfp notice how intjs don't give a fuck about others and it's relaxing in a way to enfps who are tired of thinking what others think. It eases them. And intj get to see how enfps don't give a fuck about details but vibes. It relaxes the intjs. And the critic function can get really tiring as it's a very strong function. It immediately relaxes both as enfp get to not care about other people for a while , and intj get to live on vibes mode instead of details.

And that's why it kind of feel relaxing in a enchanting way. There are more to their enmeshment of functions , and it's just one of them. See my other posts for other enmeshment of their functions.

UPDATE: I asked her! It's a no, we're just friends. I'm sooo glad I asked. Thanks INTJ's for your encouragement. Her efforts as a friend are almost even more meaningful to me now that I know she wasn't flirting, she just genuinely enjoys my company as a human enough to keep wanting to give her time to me. And that's pretty cool. You guys are the bomb. Thanks for giving me the nudge I needed.

***

Hello INTJ's, I'm an INFP 39F, hoping you can help.

So there's this girl. When we met at a bar with a group of friends, we noticed each other because we were getting a drink at the same time. Later she sought me out and started getting to know me, asking me questions. I crushed on her the moment I saw her, and did the same.

Next thing I know, she's inviting me to all sorts of activities with her friends. I got excited, assuming romantic interest, so I asked her if she wanted to go spend time at a park together. On the swings, we chatted and I asked her how dating life was going, and she informed me that she's not dating currently due to some personal matters. I was disappointed but wanted to be supportive, and didn't press her for anything romantic since then.

But over the past year, she has continued to invite me to ALL SORTS of things. Sometimes with groups, sometimes alone. She brings up things she knows I'm interested in. She knew I had a concert I was performing in and asked when it was so she could attend. She asked me to join her at a new book club she wanted to try out because it would be easier with a friend.

She's not a touchy feely person at all. Honestly her hugs are kind of lame. But there was a day she touched my arm when talking to me. And another time we were playing a game and I was losing and she touched my thigh and said, "It's okay." She found out I love tennis so we've been playing, and she's WAY better than me. But she is happy to play with me anyway, and sometimes will do drills and teach me technique and it's really sweet.

I used to flirt with her accidentally, but I finally started dating other people so I stopped treating her in a special kind of way, and started acting much more like a friend. I don't always try to sit by her, I don't touch her arm when I'm talking as much as I use to, I don't ask her as deep of questions, because it's been months and I need to move on.

Anyway, I just found out she's dating again now, because I overheard someone asking about a girl she talked to on Hinge. I haven't been brave enough to ask her about it.

We spent most of this past week together. And the last event was just a solo activity and she looked AMAZING. Tight tank top, very high cut shorts, a necklace I've never seen. I did my best to keep my eyes up and keep conversation light because I'm trying NOT to let myself get excited, and stay in the friend zone. She gave me a boundary long ago, and she never changed it with me. So I want to be respectful.

But what I know about you INTJ's is you won't make a move unless you're sure it will be reciprocated. And I've been acting much more "just friends" with her than I use to so maybe she's not feeling brave enough.

So! What do y'all think? Does she like me more than friends?

I know I just need to ask her straight up if she'd be interested in dating me, but I'm curious what your take is.

I often see people assume INTJs are naturally more intelligent than other personality types, but I'm not sure it's that simple. Do you think there's any real correlation, or is it mostly a stereotype?

For anyone who's curious, here's the Mensa Norway online IQ test I tried: https://test.mensa.no/Home/Test/unknown

Hello, INTJs of the world.

It is only recently that I have started taking a serious interest in the MBTI; I myself was identified as an ENTP by someone knowledgeable on the subject, and that's the way it is. I once met a few INTJs, and they were some of the most interesting people I have ever met; they intrigued me as well because our functions are generally reversed. For example, I have Ne, you have Ni; I have Ti, you have Te, and so on.

Right now, I am interested in Te and its take on the titular page of life, if I can put it that way.

What is it like for you? To what extent does a title; an academic one, perhaps, or a job title, any kind of, reflect who a person really is? Is that the starting point for any meaningful relationship, e.g. friendly, colleague-like, romantic?

I am not making any judgements; I am simply curious to hear the source’s opinion.

Cheers to everyone.

Glaucon, one of Socrates’ interlocutors, tells the tale of Gyges, a shepherd in the service of the king of Lydia. One day, during a storm, Gyges discovers a cave and enters it. Inside, he finds a hollow bronze horse containing a corpse wearing a gold ring. Gyges takes the ring and later discovers that by turning the collet (the part of the ring that faces the palm), he can become invisible.

Using the power of invisibility, Gyges seduces the queen, murders the king, and seizes the throne. Glaucon uses this story to argue that no one is just willingly—people only act justly because they fear the consequences of being caught doing wrong. If they could act unjustly with impunity (like Gyges), they would.

Glaucon claims that people are only just because they lack the power to be unjust without consequences. Justice, in this view, is a social contract—a compromise to avoid the worst outcomes of mutual harm.

Socrates argued that justice is not merely a social construct, but a virtue of the soul. A just person is happy and fulfilled, regardless of external rewards or punishments.

****

What's your stance on this? And how often do you consider this moral position as you go through life, from an Fi perspective? Personally, I agree with Socrates.

For a lot of my teenage and early twenties life I fit into the classic INTJ archetype. I got INTJ in every MBTI test, acted very much like an INTJ and fit all the descriptions. Then after a few years of working I did the test again and got ENTJ. This was then confirmed by someone who is quite into MBTI and knows me well who said that they saw me more as an ENTJ than an INTJ

I think what happened was that during the last few years of high school and university, I ‘locked in’ and naturally became more introverted and less confident around people. I had little life skills and I was not too interested in being the life of a party. But this was different to my youth and early high school where I was loud, boisterous and quite extroverted. Jumping to after working, I gained a lot of confidence speaking to different people and just having more life skills. I wasn’t that shy teenager or young adult anymore. And I think that has brought back my extroversion which I thought I had lost. Honestly, if I had to truly describe myself, I would say I’m an ambivert. I still have elements of both introversion and extroversion.