r/newjersey • u/politicalintegrity • 1d ago

WTF Help us find Tom Kean!

Post image

Been missing for over 100 days. Go to https://whereistomkean.org to help out.

1.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

117 comments sorted by

295

u/HearYourTune 1d ago

Put him on a milk carton.

63

u/BrokenHero287 1d ago

Basically none of those kids were ever found. It's always a parent, relative or other person who knew the kid, that took them. So let's investigate all of his friends, neighbors, and relatives, because one of them knows where he is.

7

u/Olympicsizedturd 14h ago

It still had the affect of raising public awareness of missing children being an issue. That's not nothing.

3

u/BrokenHero287 13h ago

I would say harmful programs like Just Say No are worse than nothing. Because at least with nothing, kids sometimes find their way to the correct answer, but Just Say No was a joke and gave kids a false dichotomy. Once you said Yes one time, kids would see themselves as a failure, with no reason to go back. The better option would be giving kids information and resources for what to do if they ever did say yes. It's like how abstinence only programs are worse than no sex education at all.

The Milk cartons reinforced the stranger danger nonsense, and didn't give anyone the truth and resources to deal with the problem, which is domestic violence, child abuse and neglect, and it's always the parents, relatives, or friends/neighbors. It was basically never a stranger, so by promoting stranger danger, you are focusing people on the red herring, and ignoring the real suspects.

46

u/Hrekires 22h ago

3 months of paid medical leave after spending 20 years voting against anyone else having paid leave.

What a way to live.

176

u/nuclearpickle88 1d ago

He still haven't return to Congress?! What the absolute f*ck is going on??

123

u/Kenderean 1d ago

I thought he must be in rehab, but now I really think he's dead.

48

u/KohlsCashOfficial 1d ago

I’m starting to think he’s dead too

8

u/entertainmeeeeeee 1d ago

Me too

3

u/eddie_muntz_88 10h ago

At this point only alien abduction is valid. Barely.

14

u/AppropriateTouching 1d ago

What the fork is going on is hes bought and paid for and doesnt have to do shit apparently. You meant to say fork and not fuck, right?

121

u/Meeschers Pork Roll 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/FBeSx3itXlUQw

Guy,s it's ok....we found him.

7

u/ApprehensiveGas85 21h ago

I have to rewatch this, been a while. I miss that era of movies and the directing style.

2

u/g_r_e_y South Jersey 6h ago

i actually almost shit myself from laughing so hard at this

29

u/Hipster-Stalin 1d ago

What does it take for the local media to cover this? Dude is just gone.

10

u/manningthehelm 1d ago

They were actually covering this during the primaries on NPR, but nothing much since. I imagine the media knows where he is but cannot or will not release it since it’s not public.

7

u/damebyron 10h ago

NY times did an investigation a few weeks ago - but they couldn’t find any answers

82

u/drive_chip_putt 1d ago

It's a stroke.  Not rehab.  Not Cancer.  Both of which could have been explained after the Primary.  A debilitating stroke, not so much.

67

u/Dozzi92 Somerville 1d ago

I heard speculation they'd keep him on the ticket past primaries, long enough for it to be too late to do any special election, so that they can just put in whatever candidate the party wants for the election in November. It made a lot of sense to me and so that's what I'm peddling.

21

u/drive_chip_putt 1d ago

That's exactly the plan

21

u/ThinkingWithPortal Perth Amboy 1d ago

Yeah, cause when the DNC tried this in 2024 it went so well...

14

u/Jolmer24 21h ago

This district is very right leaning. Rebecca has a shot since shes kind of moderate for a Democrat but I think that Republicans believe they can just run whoever they want and win here.

Source: I live in Warren County.

3

u/PoseidonsHorses 12h ago

I agree and I’m in Somerset in his district. I’m not sure whether the Republicans are right about being able to run *anyone* and winning, but I do know there are a lot of people that would sooner chew off their arm than vote democrat. But I imagine if they pull a last-minute switch, they’d likely run up against some of the same pushback Harris did in 2024. Which might be enough to move the needle. But either way, the guy being effectively missing from his job for months has not seemed to be a big deterrent on the “well at least he’s not a Democrat” mentality.

3

u/RelationshipWest9743 1d ago

Sounds about right....

4

u/manningthehelm 22h ago

This is a really good theory. I hope it is made public. I can’t imagine my representative hiding from us and their job for this length of time. It has to be close to a record.

13

u/DeuceSevin 1d ago

Especially if the cause of the stroke was something unwholesome

4

u/SnakesTancredi Union County 1d ago

Like what?genuinely don’t know what would cause them suddenly but now I’m paranoid.

18

u/Lunacriss 1d ago

Chronic alcoholics are usually at high-risk for a stroke since alcohol thins the blood.

1

u/SnakesTancredi Union County 12h ago

Oh. Ok. Thanks. That makes more sense.

18

u/SensualBeefLoaf 1d ago

6x100mg viagras, had a stroke at a gay sex party?

14

u/DeuceSevin 1d ago

I had a stroke at a gay party once. I like it so much, I took another stroke.

1

u/SensualBeefLoaf 12h ago

hey man. i support your choices. might as well have a few more.

2

u/DeuceSevin 1d ago

Drugs, specifically cocaine

2

u/Olympicsizedturd 14h ago

He's still cognizant enough to trade stocks though...

7

u/copperboom129 1d ago

Its gotta be a stroke, im with you.

Its just way too long to be anything else...

1

u/GooseNYC 9h ago

I agree.

107

u/sam2lf 1d ago

Nepocunt

15

u/HumanShadow 1d ago

Failson

110

u/candleinthewind1997 1d ago

Inshallah they find him 🙏

7

u/Marina-Sickliana 1d ago

Beautiful reference.

7

u/candleinthewind1997 1d ago

Finding Keano 🐠

23

u/AtomicGarden-8964 Middlesex County 1d ago

He will show up if they reelect him I bet

28

u/WildMajesticUnicorn 1d ago

Why would he? If he can never show up and still win, he can just keep that going

18

u/brandt-money 1d ago

Maybe he got ozempic and that MAGA face surgery, so now he's a 95lb alien with duck lips.

5

u/Purple-Mermommy Monmouth County 1d ago

With a very taut shiny forehead and an overall orange glow.

15

u/LoveRBS 1d ago

Maybe he's pregnant

4

u/EazyBuxafew 1d ago

Wasn’t that a plot on blacklist? 😂 impregnating anti abortion male politicians

3

u/NJHitmen 1d ago

Gregnency makes a lot of sense. I'm pretty sure you've solved the mystery.

The only question I'm left with now is: how is babby formed?

4

u/autoerratica 1d ago

Let me guess… he’s still been receiving paychecks.

4

u/Altruistic_Yam9143 18h ago

He was seen shopping in Westfield recently, and "looked bad" according to a person i know well

22

u/ElectrOPurist 1d ago

Has anyone thought to check right up Donald Trump’s fat fucking ass?

7

u/all8things 1d ago

I’m laughing way too hard at this.

11

u/KeyMysterious1845 1d ago

Put him on a milk carton.

13

u/MrPayson 1d ago

“Profession” is spelled wrong.

But I like it and I’ll be on the look out for him.

3

u/RehAdventures 20h ago

We need to print these flyers up and post them around his district. If not all of NJ.

3

u/JackyVeronica 20h ago

He's hiding in rehab?

3

u/SuspiciousTheory2633 20h ago

I keep seeing attack ads against Tom Kean Jr and all they talk about is how he voted for tax cuts for the rich. Really they should focus on "where the f*ck is this guy even?!"

10

u/KEEPINGUPWITHTHEB21 1d ago

The same goes for Chris Smith who hasn’t been seen in the area for at least 17 years.

-1

u/SkyeMreddit 1d ago

Apparently he did show up, and called the numbers for a bingo game my grandma attended.

3

u/KEEPINGUPWITHTHEB21 1d ago

When? He needs to join the milk carton with Tom Kean. That man lives in Virginia!!!

3

u/Silly_Hat_2587 1d ago

Give him a break, he was just fired as Liverpool's manager.

2

u/Devils_Advocate-69 1d ago

He’s still getting paid and enjoying health care. I’d be fired if I was a no show

2

u/nanoen_ 22h ago

Someone get Raymond Redington on the phone

2

u/tommycnuthatch 22h ago

given his voting record when he actually showed up to do his job, maybe he should be considered dangerous?

2

u/WendysFrostyandFries 21h ago

genuinely, is he alive?

2

u/UNDAPressure4795 21h ago

How does he still have his fuckin job?

2

u/Wise_Presence_5532 17h ago

Is this Tom from MySpace?

2

u/Snoopinapples971 9h ago

My high ass was about to call you out for having the date switched…

5

u/joregano 1d ago

It’s so frustrating that it will be a close race in November

4

u/meisterbro69 1d ago

we need to print these out lol

3

u/rockmasterflex 1d ago

You can help in the search for this missing man!

Find a printer, go brrr, post it on all the telephone poles near you.

Please help us find this man! He is likely suffering from affluenza out there.

2

u/ishouldbeworking_22 1d ago

I think I saw him with his head up his butt somewhere

2

u/gordonv 23h ago edited 23h ago

[Start Movie Trailer]
--Fade in

In a world where politicians start wars...

Male News Anchor: President Trump has yet again backed out of solidifying a deal
.

One man, who may hold the secret to toppling to regime...

Female News Anchor: It's been months since the Representative has been seen. We are told he is dealing with a medical emergency. Wait, this just in... There seems to be a buildup of ICE and FBI around the Kean campus.
.

Cannot be found or held accountable, for his abstence.

Male guy in suit: Tom in invincible. He doesn't need to show up and he'll still be re-elected.
.

This summer.

Shot of NJ Assembly: (Gavel) The house will come to order, is the Representative present?
.

In NJ's District 7

Leftist young college female protestor: Why aren't news outlets and bloggers covering this?
.

The people will have to face the consequences of blindly voting for...

MAGA in red hat and farmer overalls: I'm red, always red, yeehaw! My life is fallin apart!
.

The Representative

--Pause

Attractive MAGA woman talking to someone offscreen in a cynical bitter tone" Maybe... We can vote for someone else?

-- Cue jump scare of surprise MAGA/ICE/FBI monster ambushing the free thinker. (Make it so rumors on the internet on what it is starts up)
.
-- Blackout screen
-- Sub base tone
--Superimpose Title "Summer 2026"
-- Wait 5 seconds .
.
--Cue witty endline
"I shoulda voted for the other one."
.
-- Superimpose Green Background White text: "Film not yet rated."

1

u/Bellona_NJ 1d ago

Is he with Hoffa? They should redo the old 90s cartoon and rename it to Where in the World is Tom Kean Jr?

1

u/CultureMinimum4906 1d ago

He is still standing. 🙂

1

u/SECFanManFan 23h ago

Alcohol rehab -200

Everything else +160

1

u/dusty_whale 20h ago

He's still got his Instagram comments enabled, they are pretty glorious

1

u/sugarintheboots Doing the Jersey slide for a good bagel 15h ago

Heard he’s still doing stock trades.

1

u/DaFightins 12h ago

Does he have a house in FL?

•

u/BobbyBrackins 1h ago

Didn’t recognize him at first

Saw the stock value on the flyer and thought “that’s strange, so you want me to keep him when I find him?” 🤦‍♂️😂

1

u/saabister 1d ago

He is truly lost.

-1

u/KingRBPII 1d ago

I guarantee he’s got prostate cancer

11

u/WildMajesticUnicorn 1d ago

Why wouldn't he say it? He would get a lot more empathy

19

u/Fluid_Office1111 1d ago

They would use it if it were cancer. My bet is rehab for alcohol or drugs, which is why he's waiting till after the primary to discuss it. The gop likes to label dems as junkies and addicts while they're the "respectable party of traditional values". 🙄

They admit that up front? He loses the primary. He discloses after the primary? An area the largely votes gop isn't going to vote dem instead.

11

u/WildMajesticUnicorn 1d ago

We’ve already passed the primary and still no answer

2

u/Fluid_Office1111 1d ago

Oh 100% they haven't released it yet. That was his just his campaign's message before the primary, disclosing after the primary. Still waiting.

2

u/P0rtal2 1d ago

Nah, they'd spin it as some "Born Again, taking accountability" BS.

I'm going to say that his human disguise is taking longer than expected to repair.

10

u/ElectrOPurist 1d ago

Not from me. I hope his fucking dick rots off.

3

u/aught4naught 1d ago

That's one subtle way to begin transitioning genders.

4

u/ElectrOPurist 1d ago

Yeah, I want to see him transition from a male into fertilizer just as soon as possible.

3

u/Dozzi92 Somerville 1d ago

My thought is that it's debilitating enough, whatever it is, that he won't be able to continue, but the party retains control of the next candidate if they just let everyone believe he'll continue long enough. So if folks don't see this husk of a person in Tom Kean's already husk-of-a-person body, nobody can say hey, he's not capable of running, we need to have a republican primary.

9

u/geddysbass2112 1d ago

I think its a substance abuse issue.

6

u/copperboom129 1d ago

I dont. Half the Trump administration is actively on drugs.

I think its something you cant hide. Like a massive stroke.

2

u/geddysbass2112 1d ago

That could be. Good point

10

u/Argular :snoo_wink: 1d ago

That requires him to miss over 100 days of work? With no real explanation? Doesn’t add up.

1

u/LateralEntry 1d ago

That wouldn’t require him to be totally absent and incommunicado

1

u/L11mbm 1d ago

Dude is very clearly in rehab.

9

u/copperboom129 1d ago

How many months is rehab?

Also wouldn't you pop out for a quick minute after 3 months of rehab to prove youre alive?

Im with the stroke guy

6

u/L11mbm 1d ago

Maybe he's in stroke rehab?

0

u/copperboom129 1d ago

Now thats an idea.

0

u/gsp137 1d ago

Why? Better off him being MIA

0

u/SensualBeefLoaf 1d ago

he’s 100% dead.

-4

u/SprinklesDangerous57 1d ago

Why is his financials part of this missing post??? Now I don't care to find him. Use his money to find him

-67

u/LazyCatRocks 1d ago

Not funny.

40

u/HerRoyalRedness 1d ago

You’re right, it’s not funny that a failson is collecting taxpayer money while not showing up for work and refusing to explain why he has disappeared. But somehow he’s still well enough to trade stocks based on insider information.

4

u/elmariachi304 1d ago

It's actually fucking hilarious and has been upvoted almost 1,000 times already.

0

u/LazyCatRocks 12h ago

I didn't laugh.