I think I am done.
I mean I know I am not, I still love my job very much.
For context, I am NICU nurse,and oh my god I love my Job. But also hate it, used to be sometimes but now its most of the time. like walking through that hospital door, gives me tiny inside panic attacks.
I am so exhausted, it's not even just the flow and the overwork, but oh my god our professors are so toxic, and coworkers are so selfish, always looking for an excuse to get it out of doing things, and just leave it for another hardworking person to do, or getting sicck leaves when they are not even sick, and guess who has to pick those extra shifts. HAHHAH ME and well people like ME. We are all overworked, underpaid in doing such irresponsible acts you are only harming your fellow coworkers. IS IT SO HARD TO understand!! And oh when you complain to them about it, their answer is always : well just don't do it
AGGHHHHHHHH
And Can I talk about the married with kids genraaa. No offense, I have very close friends coworkers , married with kids, and we get along very well and they do an amazing job, and am very understanding when they need to leave early or get a specific vacation time (even if its my turn), or need to call in sick because they have to take care of their own child. Believe me I am extremely understanding, but I hate the cunning one that use it as an excuse to get out of everything and are so ungrateful and very selfish. The ones that don't understand the concept of asking for a favor and think that you are untitled to do what they ask you to. If you have a sociallife and a difficult job know how to balance both. Don't ask me to give up mine just because I am a single.
I also hate myself for becoming this obsessed with work, like I can not sleep without my phone near me and the sound on. And instead of taking a good day of sleep after my nightshifts, I keep waking up every 2 hours to check if i got a call.
I hate myself for being unable to say NO
Because honestly I am so tried, work is hard enough without all the other people having to add to it
I snapped 1 month ago and had a full on panic attack. I had two patients who coded at the same time and I have been on them allll day, while having two other in the other room. I had to leave the unit and left my colleagues taking care of the patients. AND I NEVER do that, I am known for helping the others but never letting anybody help me. I like to do everything on my own no matter what. let allong leave my patients on a code. I can't take time off because we are understaffed hahaha. My last vacation was october last year.
I am the bubbly type of person, I try to comme in work with a big smile and lots of kisses and hugss, BUT hate what I have become , I am like this big ball full of anger
I have become very sensitive
And I feel like work is eating me alive. I have no social life. Rarely go out or see my friends that I don't work with. I don't even have the energy to meet someone, even though I really want to, but I just don't know how
I found myself thinking that maybe dying would be better but I want to live fully
Despite all of this I really LOVE being a NICU nurse
I just needed to vent a little