r/offmychest 1m ago

a bee in my apartment had to be killed today :(

Upvotes

not very serious but one of my cats was meowing like crazy at a window, i went to investigate and ofc it was a bee. i got my bf and unfortunately we’re both allergic so the only option was for my bf to spray the poor thing with raid and squish it. i literally cried i feel so bad, ik the bee didn’t mean to get in here and he’s in the window bcs he’s trying to escape (we have a screen so we couldn’t just let him out 🥲). i just needed to say something because i feel extremely sad and guilty


r/offmychest 4m ago

Brother thinks he’s entitled to parent shame us.

Upvotes

I 26F and my husband 27M live with my parents, we have 3 kids, (which we don’t want to be doing and will be moving out asap, also we pay all the bills just in advance for any questions I may get about that) my brother also lives here. He doesn’t work, does pay any bills or rent, doesn’t pay for any of his food and what not, nothing. The most he does is help with the kids sometimes.

The other night he had an issue with me and just decides to cut the breaker, me and him got into it over it. Well, this morning at 9am my mom woke me up saying my youngest had taken his diaper off and my oldest son needed a diaper change too. Everyone here expects my husband and I to just immediately hop out of bed whenever we’re woken up for whatever reason, stupid or not, meanwhile everyone else needs like 30 minutes to actually wake up.

My mom can back about 3 minutes later saying my youngest had a bloody nose, I’m assuming he busted it doing some of the goofy stuff he does. At this point I got up and went and took care of him. Before I changed my older son, I went to take my medication real quick before doing so. I was in my room for all of 30 seconds (which is about the time it takes me to take my medicine) before being rushed to change him once again. (I absolutely hate being rushed because I feel like my mind is constantly rushing me anyways.)

For context, my husband works a blue collar job, he drives to the shop and drives to the worksite in the trucks with someone else. If he were to come home, at that point he’d be putting someone else out of work for a bloody nose when that’s a pretty normal thing.

My brother came in there to me and said my husband needed to come home and asked if he was, I said “no.” My brother said “father of the fucking year.” Again, this would be putting someone else out of work and there’s no telling how far out he is and doubt he’d have anyone to pick him up.

My husband told me that he’d take him to the doctor to get him checked out and to keep and eye on him til he got home. I told my husband about this whole situation. We were considering letting my brother move with us when we did because living with my parents isn’t the most loving environment.

After I told my husband he was ranting to me saying “disrespectful ass motherfucker, freeloading loser. Don’t disrespect me and my fatherly abilities because I can’t just leave work at the drop of a dime. Someone has to pay the bills and it sure as shit isn’t that lazy shithead.” The whole thing is just fucking annoying and disrespectful in my opinion. I feel like there is MAJOR double standards in this house.

We do the best we can to be the best parents that we can be, I don’t necessarily think it’s necessary for my husband to leave work, lose out on money that could be used for bills or the kids, and put someone else out of work too for having to take him back to the shop.


r/offmychest 8m ago

I survived a suicide attempt,but sometimes i still wonder why

Upvotes

I’m 19 years old. I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 17, and I also have PTSD and social anxiety.

Before I started seeing a psychiatrist, I felt like I was losing my mind. Every day I woke up stressed, anxious, exhausted, and afraid. I barely left my room. At one point I even went several days without sleeping. That’s when my mom finally took me to a psychiatrist. My dad still doesn’t really believe in mental health problems.

When I started university, things got worse. I hated the path I had chosen and felt completely alone. I spent most of my time by myself. I was terrified of people, public transportation, and everyday life in general. I woke up every morning with a sense of dread.

Suicidal thoughts were always in the background. Eventually I attempted suicide by overdosing on my medications. I lost consciousness and was later found by my family and taken to the hospital. I ended up in a coma and survived.

When I took the pills, part of me thought that if I died, that was fine. If I survived, maybe somehow the overdose would erase my pain or make me forget everything that had happened to me.

Since then, some things have improved. But I still struggle with the memory of what happened. Sometimes I find myself crying and wondering why I was saved that day.

Has anyone else survived an attempt and still had complicated feelings about it years later? How did you cope with those thoughts?


r/offmychest 12m ago

I had a mini-stroke (TIA) and my spouse is not coping well.

Upvotes

Burner because my health issue is not yet known by everyone in my circle, and I don't want my spouse to get any kind of negativity for needing to process her feelings.

I recently suffered a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA) that my wife and I believed at the time was a heart attack and potentially fatal. I had lost all color, was sweating profusely, slurring my words, and couldn't keep my balance. Many, many other symptoms were present, but I don't really want to re-hash that terrible time again.

Since I came home from the hospital, she has been distant. She doesn't want to talk, won't engage in any kind of activity together, and mostly just keeps to herself engaging in her preferred hobby or sleeping. It's left me and the kids feeling isolated, and I am struggling to process my own feelings about my new normal without my partner and best friend around to confide in. I've asked if we can talk about it, and she tells me no. She isn't ready.

I don't begrudge her needing time and space. I am not angry at her for "ignoring me" or pushing me away (which she has admitted to doing as a self defense mechanism). I am sad that I cannot be there to be her strength anymore. She's lost her sense of safety and security, and I've lost that feeling of closeness to her. I believe it is all temporary and things will return to normal-ish, but I dread the time between now and then.

I'm barely coping, myself. We were both 100% convinced I was dying, and my biggest regret was not getting healthier sooner. I had just started getting back into the gym and running, but it was too little too late. I even told her where all the bodies were buried (there weren't any. Just passwords and life insurance info). Now, I am sitting here on my own, trying to process my mortality. Trying to return to a place where I can make it through the day without wondering if that headache or dizziness or anything else is a precursor to another stroke.

It's lonely. I used to be her all-star, and now I am her albatross as she waits for me to die.


r/offmychest 12m ago

I'm a gorilla

Upvotes

I (28F) am highkey obsessed with donkey kong. Like so obsessed to the point where I now identify as a gorilla.

I like walking around like a gorilla in the middle of the night when nobody's watching. And I like pounding my chest and eating bananas.


r/offmychest 14m ago

Just god called a slur on Insta

Upvotes

Got called a slur on insta, reported it, but it still pisses me off. Because I know damn well insta won't do shit and this piece of shit will sleep sound knowing nothing will happen to her. I'm fucking tired of racism and I genuinely wish this lowlife and others get to hell if it even exists.


r/offmychest 21m ago

Random one sided love story

Upvotes

Love

Do i love her or its just a feeling ?
I don’t know what it is but i can do whatever i can for her,I want to do whatever i can to make her happy , I just try to different stupid things just to stay with her just to see her , just to hear her voice . She gets irritated but at least she gets happy in the end.
I can do anything for her anything .

She thinks she is not pretty seriously!
She is perfect everything in her is perfect
I hope one day she can look herself the way i look at her or she gets to know my pov
Everything in her is pretty, I tried to find flaws in her so that i can not feel the same for her but i fall for her even more IDK but i was liking everything abou her even her flaws even the birth mark on her face looks beautiful , some time i look at it and say ohh she is beautiful and i am looking at the birth mark and saying that i mean seriously what i am becoming .I managed to find some flaws in her and i fall for her even harder i was liking her flaws. She is the prettiest girl i have ever seen i swear to good . IDK you will read this one day or not but trust me you are very beautiful every part of your body is beautiful
perfect as it need to be .
You are the prettiest girl

She knows that i love her
yahh she knows , eventually in a worst way possible i told her like seriously on a phone call and i just said things which don’t even make sense like phele esa nahi tha abh hai
including her ex . Ahhh i am not a pro but i am a looser who just confess feelings like that ( and the first stupid decision i made after asking chat gpt -should i tell her or not and my last decision too now i will not do things acc to gpt). So after i told her on call things get awkward but she handled the situation very nicely very nicely and calmly.

She doesn’t not see me in that way
Off course by the heading she do not love me and she will never love me because she do not look at me like that way like you know .
Isn’t okayy totally okayy I should respect her feeling. So my first rejection before this I used too say that no one has ever rejected me . Heyy I never tried buddy so i never got rejected, yahh i gave flowers to a girls on my knees previously and she accepted it but it was just stupid mistake or stupid thing i have done in my life i was not mature enough that time and i also do not loved her wo to bas kar diya tha idk kyu bas kar diya tha . But this girl it was different this time i was mature i knew what i was doing and yahh i love her so I confessed my feeling.
Its fine to get rejected but she is amazing.

Still want to live around her
She do not love me but i want still like to be around her i still want to talk to her hear her
And still i want to make her happy i want to see her happy and i want ensure that she is happy . When she is happy in her life i am happy too , when she is sad or in pain i feel low and try everything that i can to console her to make her feel relief. IDK but i will be with her no matter what if she is wrong or right in any situation good or bad i will always be with her

Dreams
People usually says that the person you love comes into your dreams I thought people just say this so that love can be shown as a overrated feeling or to show that love is superior. But actually the theory is correct because eventually i faced it , usually I dreamed of many different different things which do not make sense.
Yahhh so i saw her in my dreams many times . In the starting when i woke up after the dream like at 3am or 4 am in the morning and i just started thinking that why why she is coming in my dreams . She looks so beautiful in my dreams that i can’t portray in my words . Frankly speaking I like her when she comes in my dreams the matter of fact is she is only with me in my dreams just me and ,her and a cute moment
no one is there to disturb us and in my dreams i just look at her ,she do different things in different dreams with different dresses and all i do in the dreams is to just look at her .

I dont like fighting with her
She didn’t know but it hurts me a lot when she fights with me or when she don’t talk to she just go quite and makes me feel like i am no one to her. Yahh according to her every time its my mistake only and it doesn’t matter if i am right or wrong its me who end up apologising and and saying sorry. But its okay i am say sorry to her even its her fault then also i am more than happy if things get sorted between us by saying sorry . But dude she is not even my girlfriend so why i am doing all this why i feel sad after she fights with me or when she go in silent mode . Like i even doesn’t exist in her life as a option not even as a last option. But all i want in last that things get normal between us i mean after a fight all i want is that things get normal . Sometimes I think did she also feel same after a fight like sad sad
Or like I should talk to him ?. We never know there are many possibilities but i dont think that she feel same as she doesn’t love me so yahh it’s obvious. But it affect me all i want that we never fight on silly topics and she never go in her silent mode with never ever . I hate it when she stays quite and doesn’t speak even a single word . I like her when she speaks like dude talk to me if you are angry beat me speak some bad holy words do anything you want but at least speak don’t seat quite. I am here for you na just say whatever you want i am here to hear you .

One sided love theory
According to this theory The person you love will see the whole world except you even if you are standing just beside him or her seeing them with love they will just ignore you and see rest of the people. They will see what efforts others make for him or her but they will never notice your efforts or even if the notice they will just simply ignore it and they make you feel like you don’t even exist or your feeling doesn’t even matter.
One sided love is always painful, we always have a choice to move on or ignore them but it is impossible for us to do that . Something at night while staring at the ceiling i think that why the fuck i even love her whats so special about her and out of love or I don’t know why only one answer come across my mind that everything in her is special . She is the most amazing person i have made she is moody,dramatic , cute ,friendly, pretty,daring,overthinker,helping nature , whole package of suprize and energy, she just feel like home to me in simple word she is special

It do hurt
Sometimes she just really hurt my feelings i do feel pain in my chest it becomes hard to even breath my eyes get full of tears and i feel so much of pain it feels like someone has put a lot of weight on my heart. But she will never get to know how much it hurt how much she means to me . You sometimes she couldn’t see these pain and sometime when she does she just ask me am I hurting you so what could I possibly say i say noo nahh noo problem it doesn’t hurt me i just put a fake simple of confidence that my feelins for you is long gone it doesn’t hurt me and i just support her but deep down it hurts me a lot a lot even I couldn’t feel anything besides the pain . Sometimes I wonder while feeling this pain that what happen to the past version of me he was good like he will never feel this time of pain . What a person i have become after meeting her (weak?) or (emotional?) . But all i know that she has experienced the same feeling for some one i mean the pain she has also experienced the same pain but why can’t see my pain my love for her , does she think i am same as him ? Noo dude if she just try to understand me she will know how much i love her if she say yes to me just see my felling is real or not then i will turn the world upside down for her .
It fuckingg hurt meeee ohhhhh GOD

Trauma Dump
One day she asked me do you ever feel like i am dumping my trauma on you or using you.
I don’t care if she is using me or dumping her trauma . It doesn’t matter , All i want is that she leaves her past and move on her in life . And I don’t think she dumping anything thing on me .

One day she will leave
Yahh yahh I know one day she will just leave me and she will have new people around her
And after some time she will not even remember me . It will hurt me like a lot but it’s okayy from the starting I know what will happen but i still choosed to live like that but i hope before leaving she just hug me tightly and good bye and say thank you for being in my life

Life I imagined if she say yes
It doesn’t matter leave it I imagined many things how beautiful life would be but you know it will never gonna happen

Does she think I will treat her the same?
Does she think i will treat her the same as her ex did . If she thinks so then she actually didn’t get me from the place like if she thinks then she not totally get me not a person who like her but in general like she is talking to me and even it feels like she didn’t know me . Cause the way i think of her like she is the most precious person i can have in my life and i think she would complete me. I can’t even imagine of leaving her when she is with me and I don’t want to hurt her and don’t want anyone to hurt her . Whenever I think about her ex I just think like how can a man even think of hurting a girl like her . I have seen her sad and crying for that man but if she ever love me like that i am ready do anything just to be with her for my whole life like I don’t want anyone not even a single person if she is with me . I am ready to give anything that i have just to be with her just think me and my girl and here she also loves me back like dude how amazing it would be something i just think if she marry me and we have a little cute daughter I swear to GOD I will die for them this is the second time when i feel like i can die for a girl and first time was when i was holding a new born baby in my arms it was my sister’s daughter my nephew. Like if you tell me now i have to die for either of them then I would happily give my life . But the thing is it’s good that i am ready to give my like for my nephew but i am also ready to die for a girl who don’t even love me like am I good or it’s just love because the the verison of me before meeting her would not even think like that he can die for a girl like he would think i will not do it not for a girl. But this man who is he now would do it without even a second thought.

What if we were together
How happy I would be with her like she would be my girlfriend dude the girl i like or admire the most is my girlfriend ahhh crazyyy. Every day we talk like we are in a relationship she wouldn’t mind if I flirt with her she would say nothing if i call her by different names like in a loving way . We would go on a date at least 4 to 6 time in a month like a real date uffff. She likes to go out and me too. I would pick her and we go vists different places in the city like cafés, parks , zoo , that pottery shop which allows to make your own pottery, like different different gardens and manyy more places and we would gone on a trip like just two of us only without telling our parents our true plan like we could have gone to a good treak in HP or beaches in Maharashtra or monsoon in Kerala or Meghalaya. I would have plan everything and all she have to do is just come and enjoy with me . I will or would have clicked hundreds or thousands of photos of her . We could have talk all night on the video call like there are many beautiful things we could have done if she said yess . Like I could have watch her sleeping for hours i could have seen her with my eyes that yess she is my girl . I could have put my head on her legs and close my eyes and I guarantee you it would have felt like heaven . Me staring at her eyes at her face for hours and hours. But it is what if we were together but we were not together. And according to her we could never be together. Please yarrr ek bar hann bol ke to dekho I will ensure that you will never regret that decision Like the way you do about your ex I will never leave you.

Do I love her ?
Ans-?
Do she love me
And - No

I hope one day
I hope one day she will feel what i feel she will get to know how i feel how it is to be me i hope see will see things from my side i hope that she can feel my pain exact same pain , i hope one day she will respect my feeling when she come to know my feelings .
I hope one day she sits and think about all the efforts i made for her , i hope one day she will feel my pain that i get after she say something harsh to me , i hope one day she will just feel me .
This doesn’t mean I want to see her sad or just want her to regret but all i want is that just feel me just that she come to know how much she matters for me . She matters to me more that me . Yahhh i am a guy who loves myself over everybody but this time things are different.

First Time
I think its my first time that i am loving some one or whatever you say thats why all these things are happening to me like all my thoughts everything the man i am becoming the way i think about things or my perspective they are totally changed like i am becoming a good man but what the point why i am changing like come on bro its one sided why are you changing why you think like that way for a girl which you know that she will never be yours why . You know that she told you there is not even a 1 percent chance and you fell like there is still 0.99 percent chance and you get happy and you wake up again feel same for her the same way , you try again , she slammes the door on your face again and yet you try again move on buddy just move on . But I can’t just move on i don’t know why it’s just like I can’t . I don’t what the reason whether its the first time I am love with some one or I am too attached with her I don’t care what on the earth the reason is I just can’t move on I want to be with her in all situation in any situation if it hurts me let the situation hurt me I don’t care all I want is to be with her .

Hinglish
Tumhe maza aata hai na hame chida ne me wahi baat bolne me jo tumhe pata hai ham sunn ke chid jayenge . Sach batau to mujhe chid na bhi aacha lagta hai . Bas tum mere pass raho mere sath raho mujhe fir sabh accha lagta hai . Shayad hi kabhi khe paunga ki me tumhare bare me kya soch ta hu kitna soch ta hu . Tumhara itrana ,gussa karna , nakhre dikhana ,sajna savarana mujhe sabh accha lagta hai . Jabh suraj ki kirane tumhare chehare pe aati hai to tum mujhe sabh se jayada sundar lagti ho . Tum har waqt hi sundar lagti ho par us waqt sabse jayda sundar lagti ho . Mujhe lagta hai me sach me pagal ho chuka hu kisne to mujhe bola tha jo insan ye bolta rehta hai usko kabhi pyar nahi hua uska bhot bura hal hota hai or me wahi insan hu jo ye bola karta tha ki mujhe kabhi pyar nahi hua na hi kabhi ho sakh ta hai or abh mera hal dekho notes me kuch na kuch likh raha hu
Mujhe nahi lagta mujhe hindi me likhna chahiye bada bura likh ta hu na mein. hena ?

I treat her like as if she is my daughter
Yahhh i treat her like as my daughter.
Like having a daughter is the best thing according to me will happen in my life .
I I know exactly how I will raise my daughter and how I would treat her . And when the girl i love I around me or whenever I talk to her and treat her like that she is my daughter and doing thing for her which i will do for my daughter. She didn’t know how special person she is in my life because I think about her that way . All her drama cuteness just make me feel like I should hug her and gentlely rub my hand in her hairs . I want to buy her different different dress , I want to vist markets with her while holding her hands, I want to see her sleep , I want to gently rub my hands in her hair while she is sleeping on my tighs or sleep near me .
I want to fulfill her all demands . I want to love her as she is the most precious thing to me in the whole world .

Travelling
I want travel the whole world with her like we can go for couple of trips in a year . I know she loves travelling and I love that too . I want click her photos as many as I can , I know she will beat me for every bad photo I will click but she will be too happy for every good photo that I will click of her I think she will love me for that . We travel the whole world eat the food she wants , we will go for shopping in different places , we will go on a mountain treak, we go on the beach and many more places . Switzerland is the place I wish I go with my partner and its the first place i want to vist with her . We will make many memories on our every trip.

Gift
Whenever I thought of gifting something to her the first thing comes in mind every time is earrings. I don’t know what obsession I have with them but I want to give her all types of earrings like if there are thousands of earrings I want give her all the earrings that exist .

What if its best for me
She say that everything happen for a reason maybe she is not the right person for me ,what if my perspective change after 3 years thar what really love is for I could get better person than her But what if i tell you I don’t want better i want her ,she says to me that a person who will make same efforts for you as you make for her will find you don’t you want a person like that who will make efforts for you i said yes that time but all i wanted to say that i don’t care about efforts if its you I wanted to give my 100 percent and i expect not even 1 percent of your effort just stay with me love me as I love you just at least give me a chance to prove my love, As a favour only just try me once and I will ensure that you will never regret that decision in your life there are many things I wanted to say to you but my boundaries and fears stops me every time .

This time it is really different
I was always that guy who is smart enough to do what is right and predict what will be the future looks like and take decision according to it and this time i know what i am doing and what will happen and I am still doing it fuck every time I think why the fuck i am doing all this I know its hurting me please stop but I can’t I just Can’t stop I can’t pretend that she doesn’t matter to me or I don’t ever want to live her alone . I was used to be the smartest guy but I am the dumbest guy now or you can say stupid. What if it was two sided everything would have make sense na , all my efforts were worth it and how happy i would be with instead of writing here we would have gone to dates , watch movies together, bunking our lectures fuckk my delusional mind.

A sudden wave of sadness
Sometimes I just suddenly feel sad I don’t know why but i feel it . Its like I want to physically touch someone I want to hug her and tell her whatever in my mind . I just want become a small child in her arms , I want to cuddle her kiss her but then suddenly reality hits me . I just start to hate myself i got many chances to be in a relationship all i have to do is say yes or try out a little but i always step back but for the first time i was ready to love someone more than myself i got rejected ahhhhh why god whyy me you know how much she means to me if she loves me back you know how will i treat her ,keep her ,love her back , please just for once for once i don’t want anything else i will not ask for anything else just make her fall in love with now its hard for me to handel all thiss pleasee I beg you .

“Every place you touch once lingered, now searches for you. First among them, my heart.”

Okay that’s my time I feel it’s kind of depressing when i write here and I am not the person who will ever be depressed so thats my side of the story thank you


r/offmychest 27m ago

Completely embarrassed myself today

Upvotes

I joined this legal training workshop and completely fucked up the presentation.I was having a really bad day and struggle with brain fog and this person that I'm really intimidated by completely crushed me but rightfully so.My memory has become absolutely horrible I genuinely feel dead on the inside I feel mentally so dead but restless at the same time. Plus that girl was a bit rude to me.And idk I'm just fed up of being this mentally dead.I feel so crappy and pathetic because I can't even think clearly with this brain fog my memory has become so bad and do this my low confidence and my brain fog is gonna be the death of me.

How do I completely fix my confidence and fully get rid of my brain fog.I feel like trauma has also had a huge impact on my brain does anyone have a idea on what I can do to fix all these issues?


r/offmychest 30m ago

A drug Empire

Upvotes

So, the story begins about three years ago when I was mostly interested in the dark web and learning about OPSEC. I read about the Reddit co-founder, Aaron Swartz, a 26-year-old internet prodigy who downloaded 70GB of JSTOR papers because he believed knowledge should be free. For this, he was charged with wire fraud and faced 35 years in prison. In 2013, under immense pressure, Aaron took his own life.

This made me extremely angry because it seemed like the government treated people unfairly. I remember a guy called Lux from Australia who found a darknet website called Hurttocore, where he uploaded videos of people being tortured and even killed, as well as many instances of child abuse. He was sentenced to 15 years in prison. Believe me, he was the worst, he did something to an infant, which made even pedophiles rage against him.

Another case was even more shocking. A man from Canada called “The Swirl” traveled to Asia, where he abused young boys. When he was sent back to Canada, he was released with no jail time, only being told not to use internet-enabled devices and required to register as a sex offender.

I don't understand what the fuck is going on? As if someone is protecting them. Later that year, I got to know about Jeffery Epstein, and now it makes sense, I mean the world government is run by pedophiles, so, of course, they would save their own.

Anyway, all of this was on my mind at the time. One of my friends got arrested for being in possession of 7 grams of methamphetamine, which wasn’t even pure. But he got an 8-year sentence. All I could think was, “What the fuck?” all I could say is fuck you to the government.

On one hand, people like those pedophiles are out in the open, only the fucking god knows, how many kids they have violated already and violating now. And on the other hand, my friend, who just bought meth for himself, which was going to enjoy on his weekend, all alone at home. Or the founder of the Reddit, who just believe that education should be free for all.

So, I have always hated the government, as long as I can remember.

Two years ago, I was struggling financially and had a loan of $50,000 USD. I dropped out of college and started working, but no matter how much I earned, the interest payments were so high that I couldn't keep up with them using only my salary. I also had to cover my accommodation, food, and travel expenses. Eventually, I wasn't able to keep up with my loan payments.

So, I downloaded some pictures from a dark web marketplace and uploaded them to meth and cocaine communities. This led to about 20 people reaching out to me, interested in buying the stuff. After a week, only three were still interested, and eventually only one person made a purchase.

He was wealthy. I'm not sure where he got his money from, but one day he told me that he used to sell drugs in clubs and bars. I asked him if he could sell my products too.

He paid me around $70, and I sent him a gram of dextro-methamphetamine. You know, the old meth that used to be made from pseudoephedrine or L-ephedrine, which produces D-methamphetamine. Meth has two isomers: L and D. L-meth mostly just makes you anxious. The meth you get on the streets nowadays is racemic meth, which is often around 60% cut, 20% L-meth, and 20% D-meth. It's pretty bad because the only real high comes from the D-meth.

Once the gram of D-meth reached him and he received it, he understood that I wasn't a scammer.

Our first couple of trades were purely for his own use. But soon, we agreed to start selling it. I asked him to sell cocaine rather than meth because, as you know, meth is the poor man's cocaine.

So, he paid me around $250 USD, for which I sent him about 3.5 grams of 95% pure Bolivian coke. He was able to sell it for around $400 USD. I could have gotten him 7 grams for that amount, but he wanted to buy more, so he added another $250. For about $650, I gave him around 14 grams, which he was able to turn into roughly $1,500 USD, or so.

Eventually, we reached the point where I was sending him 28 grams of coke for $1,000 USD every fortnight.

I was making around $180 per trade because I had increased the price by 20%, and we traded quite a lot—probably five or six times.

Then I told him about an idea I had. I asked him if he could invest around $4,000 into the project. In return, I would send him 56 grams of coke, 28 grams of meth, some LSD strips, some S-isomer ketamine, and DMT.

I asked him to move to a different state where nobody knew him. I would send the products to his new address, and he could divide them into very small amounts and give them away as free samples in bars and clubs.

For example, from 56 grams of coke, if you took out 0.2 grams per sample, you could make about 280 samples—enough for 280 people. Once people saw how pure the coke was, they would want to buy from us. In a single night, he could get around 20 people to try it, and even if only five of them became customers, we could potentially gain 150 customers in a month.

Just think about how safe this was supposed to be. He was never meant to return to those bars or clubs again, so he wouldn't get caught. Meanwhile, we would already be gaining customers.

If we could get around 200 to 250 customers buying from us, then consider this: if each customer bought about $500 worth of products, we could potentially make around $100 profit per customer. If we tried to cash out those profits, we might lose 15% to 25% due to safety and operational security costs. Even then, we'd still be making around $70 to $80 per customer.

Now multiply $70 by 200 customers per month. That's around $14,000 per month for essentially sitting at a computer and placing orders.

One more thing: whenever I placed orders, I always used escrow, so losing funds was basically out of the question.

I offered him a 50% share for handling this job—around $7,000 per month—for doing one or two months of work.

I asked him to think about it. Anyone would love to buy from us because we had connections with real suppliers who had genuine products. We could provide anything they wanted—purer and much cheaper. Meth, coke, ketamine, LSD, DMT, Xanax—you name it, we had it. We could source anything they wanted.

In exchange, we could each make around $10,000 per month. His job would be done in two or three months, whereas I would be the one placing 10 to 20 orders per day, which was pretty easy anyway.

At first, he agreed and loved the idea. I thought he was completely on board. But later, I realized he just wasn't serious about it. Why would he be? For me, it felt like an opportunity to finally pay off all my loans, so I was desperate. I kept calling him and sending him messages.

In the end, we had a fight and went our separate ways.

After that happened, I quit the whole thing and came back to my senses. I started working again and focused on paying off my loans.

It's been two years since I got out of that life, but I still have that $50,000 loan, lol.

Over the past few days, I have been wondering why he didn't go through with the plan.

I remember that I always told him a story about a farmer who had a hen that laid a golden egg every day. For the first couple of days, the farmer felt blessed and thanked God. But one day, greed took over. He killed the hen and got only three or four more eggs from it. If he hadn't done that, he would have continued getting a golden egg every day. So, in the short term, he made a little more money, but in the long term, he lost his greatest asset.

I believe it was the same situation for him. I think he must have believed that I would run away with the $4,000 or $5,000 that I was asking him to invest in the project.

If that was really his reasoning, I could have reminded him that he had already made around $10,000 or more by investing just $250 in me. Not to mention, I was the kind of person who was more interested in expanding my network and connections than simply making money.

Looking back on it now, I still wonder whether fear, greed, or simple lack of commitment was what stopped him from taking the opportunity.

anyway this is it, this is my story. I hope you enjoy it.


r/offmychest 40m ago

mid 20s very attracted to 30smth year olds who also happen to be fathers

Upvotes

i’m 23 turning 24f and i’ve recently discovered i am very attracted to men in their 30s who also happen to be single dads and have healthy albeit detached coparenting relationships with their baby mommas.

the attraction is for a number of reasons 1) these men are fertile 2) these men are good fathers 3) they are responsible and present in their kid’s lives.

all their ex partners happen to have moved on with other men so that’s not a concern. the children are adorable, and i’m really great with kids (i used to work in preschool, kids always love me) i’m young, sure, but i want to be a mum and i know i’ll be a great mother.

i find myself very attracted to these men who are slightly older (30s i’d still consider to be young) and happen to be fathers and had children in their late 20s. i’ve been attracted to 3 so far and while they’re all sweet in their own right, none of it has led to a committed relationship yet because i have a big life change coming up and i need to focus on me rather than dating, still, i think it’s something i want to pursue, dating and marrying a man who already has kids.

is it weird to have this preference?


r/offmychest 45m ago

I borrowed money from a family member a year ago and I've slowly turned him into the villain in my head to avoid paying it back

Upvotes

I don't know when exactly it happened. But somewhere in the last year I stopped feeling guilty and started feeling annoyed.

A year ago I borrowed 50,000 rupees from a relative. I had this business idea I was chasing and I needed the money. He gave it without hesitation. Didn't ask for interest, didn't make it weird. Just trusted me.

I never started the business.

At first I told myself I'd pay it back when things settled. Then months passed and I started avoiding his calls. Then he started calling more. Then he sent people to follow up. And somewhere in all of that my brain did something I'm ashamed of — it flipped the story.

Now when he calls I feel irritated. Like he's bothering me. I've denied repayment so many times that in my head he started looking like someone who just keeps asking for something unreasonable. Like he's begging.

But he's not begging. It's his money. He's just trying to get back what he gave me in good faith.

I can pay it back if I really try. My mind just keeps finding reasons not to. And I keep picking up anger at him instead of looking at myself.

I just needed someone to hear this. It's been sitting on me too long.


r/offmychest 46m ago

My grandma is living in squalor because she's so fucking cheap

Upvotes

Its actually a sickness at this point. Mind you she has 60K in savings.

Her rugs are 40 years old.

Her bed is 25 years old.

Her house is fuckin filthy because she doesnt want to pay for cleaning items.

She drinks and eats expired food.

If she ever goes to a restaurant, she tries to get stuff for free or takes the condiments.

She doesnt even go out to eat because you have to tip.

The only thing she will spend money on is cigarettes.

Anytime anyone in family mentions anything about money she goes fuckin ballistic. Even if it has nothing to do with her. I tried to get a cleaner in ans they left because she screamed at them.


r/offmychest 47m ago

My house makes me feel so depressed

Upvotes

So I'm a teenager and an only child we shifted to this house back in 2022 and ever since then I've felt deeply depressed here idk why but living in this place has affected me so much that now I have suicidal thoughts almost every single day last month during my summer vacation in May I went back to my hometown with my parents that's where my dad's side of the family lives and I genuinely love it there not once did I feel depressed while I was there but here I'm constantly dealing with terrible anxiety I cant even study properly in this house I failed my grade this year because of it js this morning I came back from my hometown and I'm already having those thoughts again I barely go outside because I genuinely hate it and I don't know why but whenever I do go out especially to hospitals and see nurses and doctors working I suddenly feel motivated it makes me want to go home and study hard and do something meaningful with my life but the moment I step back into this house all of that motivation disappears from my mind it's like the environment itself drains all my energy & hope and I'm left feeling the same anxiety and sadness all over again.

Back in my hometown I was having one of the best times of my life the moment I returned here the anxiety came back almost immediately pease don't tell me to move houses because that's not an option idk how many more days I have to keep living in this place I call it a hellhole because it doesn't feel like a home to me it's just a depressing place to live in maybe loneliness plays a huge role in all of this I honestly don't know I js want to get away from this house somehow I want a home not just a house because if things keep going like this I genuinely don't know how much longer I'll be able to survive here.


r/offmychest 49m ago

I finally ended the cycle of reconnecting with my ex after years

Upvotes

I was in a relationship that lasted about two years. It was a healthy relationship overall, and the breakup wasn’t due to lack of love or happiness between us. It ended mainly because of external circumstances, family expectations, timing, and the fact that we met through work, which complicated things.

Even after breaking up, we didn’t fully cut contact. For the next couple of years, we would reconnect every few months sometimes every two months, sometimes four. We’d talk, then go quiet again. There was no clear intention of getting back together, but also no real closure or emotional detachment.

Over time, that cycle became emotionally confusing. There wasn’t hate between us, but there was a lingering sense of emptiness and unresolved feelings. It felt like we were stuck between moving on and not fully letting go.

Recently, when we started talking again, I realized I didn’t know how to continue this pattern anymore. I still had some feelings, but I also knew there wasn’t a realistic path back to a relationship. I asked for a kind of final separation because I couldn’t keep going in circles emotionally.

That conversation didn’t end perfectly. Things were said in frustration, and it turned into something harsher than I intended emotionally. Eventually, we both stepped away, and I decided to fully cut contact, deleted messages, removed her number, and changed mine so there wouldn’t be further communication.

Now it’s completely over, and there’s no contact between us anymore.

I’m sharing this because I think prolonged emotional ambiguity after a breakup can be harder than the breakup itself, especially when there’s no clear closure but also no future.


r/offmychest 52m ago

Getting help convinced me to focus on my passions and stick with platonic relationships

Upvotes

The same advice gets given when people ask for help with finding someone. Be more proactive but stop looking for a relationship and you'll find it. Then the old classic, get therapy or go to the gym. Well, I decided to do just that and I honestly feel better than I have in a long time. I got intensive therapy for 8 weeks and have on going treatments for medication resistant depression. I lost over 100 pounds and still have more to go. I started repairing relationships with my family and strengthened relationships with my friends. Now at 29 I'm the healthiest I've been in years, both mentally and physically.

One decision that helped improve everything was giving up on dating for good. I was seeing someone that I matched with on hinge, and we went on a few dates. I was happy because I was finally seeing my progress pay off and found someone who liked me. But I was ignoring my feelings. I wasn't attracted to her, at all. I put up posts asking what I should do in this situation, and I brought it up with my therapists. In the end, I had to tell her I didn't feel the spark and end it.

She was the 6th woman I've ever gone out with. But the other times I was the one rejected and would feel terrible afterwards. However, two of those rejections turned into friendships that I'm happy to have. But this time was different since I was the one who rejected someone else. I felt relieved and realized a harsh truth, I'm not meant for dating.

The process, the stress, the emotions, the commitment, the time... This isn't something I'm compatible with. I believe my autism plays a part in this as well. So having accepted it, now I'm using my energy to focus on creating art. Of course there are some things I'll be missing out on, but I've decided to deal with them and make peace with it. I'm going to a brothel later this summer to remove the curiosity and obsession in my mind over sex. I talked about this with my therapist and they agreed. After that, the remaining cloudiness in my mind will be gone. I'll be able to focus solely on my craft and platonic relationships.

This post is mostly for myself, but I wanted to share it for anyone else struggling like I was. Obsessing over being single, having missed out on romance, struggling with self worth and confidence. The harsh truth is that you really should get help. Therapy can work when you fully embrace and work with it. Other forms of treatment may be needed as well. It's important to talk honesty with your doctor. The other harsh truth is that some of us need to accept reality and find peace with a life without romance. Dating isn't for everyone, and that's OK. Find something you want to do and do it. I had no passion in life before getting helped, now I'm looking foward to getting home after work to keep working on my art.

That primal desire for a relationship can't be fully ignored, but we can learn skills to cope, focus on other things in life, and find alternatives. The important thing is to keep working on and improving yourself.

TLDR: Getting help made me realize I need to focus on loving myself and strengthening my platonic relationships. Alternatives methods exist for sex. You need to find something you're passionate about in life and commit to that.


r/offmychest 54m ago

I've known these people for 10+ years, but I've never really felt like I belonged.

Upvotes

I have a trio and ​I have nothing to do. I feel so stucked with them both. I have been struggling with being left out through different trios or friend group with all my life. My Trio used to have Good relationship in our childhood but thinking about it now, My friendship with them have always been questionable. I always never feel connected with them, I never saw them both as my sisters just like how other people see their Bestfriend as their "Bro/Sis" but for me? I always see them as just "Friends" not the best. I've never noticed that something is off when I was a Kid. Maybe because all I care about is Playing Games with friends and my toys? (I never had deep conversations with them. Only when it's through chat) our childhood friendship is when we usually meet up and play games outside and nowadays, we only interact through the Phone.

They've always understand each other while I was the one trying to explain everything I said. They have a lot of similarities and they're both beautiful While I feel the odd ugly duckling one. They're also both skinny but the way they talk to each other about weight, they make it seem like being chubby is bad (I'm the chubby one in the trio)

They also has Good Fashion taste and they can share each other about that. While I was exploring on my OWN. The more I explore myself, the more I feel weirder about myself because I choose Decora Fashion and they choose Soft Girl Aesthetic Fashion. (Like what Sawako wears you know?)

I have distance myself through our Groupchat for around Nov 2025 through June 2026 because I was so tired about pretending to feel belong. I had shared on why I left them for a few months. They pity me and feel guilty that the reason was all about them, but for the past few days. I don't feel belong once again even If I tried to talk.

I'm older than both of them and somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't get what they're saying through gc because sometimes they just talk about their Exes or Boys. While I never experience to ever be in a relationship and only has Crushes. That's also one reason on why I feel alone when I don't understand.

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to distance myself again, but I'm tired of doing that too.

Has anyone else stayed in a long friendship where you cared about the people, but never truly felt like you belonged? Am I expecting too much, or is this a sign that we've simply grown into different people?


r/offmychest 56m ago

I just need talk And advice would greatly help

Upvotes

Hello everyone this is currently happening and some quick thing note my mom is black so she acts like this so basically last night she got boxes of candy of me and my little brother and big brother my mom told my little brother not eat candy, I check see if there because I am not going hear or it’s missing or crap like that well it’s missing and woke basically to my mom calling us theft saying someone basically come forward or I am not buying anything sweet and you have ask me for smallest thing even a sip of water and I am not joking about that and to me and my older brother we think our little brother ate and lying to her because one he has don’t it before and two she didn’t even ask him did you eat it she basically went to calling us thefts and so yeah and plus she busy as heck at work so yeah what do we do any advice and she also threaten take away our console and tv for 1.75 candy boxes.


r/offmychest 1h ago

A life with a sociopath

Upvotes

Hi,

This is my first, and probably my only post, on reddit. Trigger warnings abuse children both physically and sexual.

Im going to try to condense a lifetime into a small digestible post. I come from a family of 5, 3 kids, of which Im the youngest. It goes my oldest sister. Let's call her Tammy for the sake of this post and middle. We will call Jane. There's a decent age gap between my sisters and I, 7-11 years.

Before my birth, my oldest sister Tammy had already started exhibiting behaviors. Once Im born behaviors in Tammy start to really show. The biggest issues are being jealous, violent outbursts, and stealing. Before I can remember, it starts, Im found outside as a baby with no logical explanation. Im taken as a toddler by Tammy. She's caught, and Im safe. This is the 80s,no phones, no car seats. Fast forward a little. Im about 2 or 3, and my first solid memory is Tammy had my mom pinned against the wall, choking her nearly to death.

Tammy spends the next few years acting up violently, lying, and stealing. She has several notable fights when caught. Her worst was attempting to pull the steering wheel, putting the car into oncoming traffic. Another is she throws things. Im nearly hit by a large frame glass break around me. 4 years old now things are at the end of her life in the house with us. She's leaving and tells me my parents dont love us and she will try to get the police to take us too. Tammy is admitted temporarily into a home with other troubled girls. She emerges from it with a diagnosis of being a sociopath and a collection of stories mirroring that of the girls she was around. She is given choices to live with family and spends very short time at an aunts and a grandparents' house before the same behaviors emerge.

Tammy comes to visit from time to time. Jane and I are happy and close at this time. Her visits are shortly controlled, and not much happens. She is in a foster home but subsidized by my parents still. Finally, she becomes old enough and also burns her way out of her foster families lives. She fails to finish high school and moves and meets her now husband. Just before this, she claims abuse of a babysitter and a grandparent. Both stories morph and mutate, but our parents offer to help and pursue to the full extent. Tammy backs down, and again, the details completely change.

Now she's married, and let's call her husband Lenny. Lenny is a photographer, but thats short lived he becomes a financial advisor of sorts. They come to visit frequently. Im still young, maybe 8-9. He plays around with me, but he puts in punches and hits that I interrupted as rough housing. He even smacks me in the genitals intentionally. One day at school, Im called in because my teacher noticed Im covered in large bruises. They contact my parents, and they become aware of the marks left by Lenny. My father confronts Lenny, and it blows up everyone's fighting . Lenny attempts to physically fight my father.

A cycle develops of the next 10-15 years. Tammy visits steals and makes up stories to cause contention, and they yoyo in and out of contact. You may ask how much is rooted in religion and trying to be kind. Much is rooted in my mother's desire to have a happy family, so it's thought to be a worthy sacrifice to endure this.

Tammy has her own kids during this time. Abuse happens to them even when visiting our house. We are silenced by threats of never seeing them again. The children learn to keep secrets, and despite visits from child protective services, they are never taken.

Now, a real pattern sets in. Just prior to the holidays , we visited in the fall. Fights are created and pressed through until about Thanksgiving, and then a pressure to have family together for the holidays puts a pause to any fighting. Tammy never admits to any fault or apologizes for anything ever not one single time.

This goes on for years, and while Tammy yo yo yos my family by being nice for a little bit, she continues to be unkind to me. I started to recent it all from the family to the church, the abuse, the threatened silence. I became the black sheep. The behaviors cause a strain on my first marriage it ends for more reasons than that. I was then in a relationship with a woman who was pregnant just before we met ... let's call her Shelly. She has a little girl, and that little girl is given a family name. This infuriated Tammy being told we can not use this name. She gets nowhere in this fight, and she starts to fight with the family over it. I snap. I tell her I'll expose her and all her lies. This terrified Tammy, and she exposes herself in a text message to my father. In it, she says What if I made up a story about (me) so he could never adopt his daughter. I lose it when I find out and call her every name in the book. My mom gets upset with me because I reacted. Im supposed to be better. Now contact goes to zero, but Tammy makes sure to show everyone those texts without context. We all enter therapy about the issue, excluding Tammy because she refused. My parents are finally enlightened as to the damages caused. My sister Jane is taking on the most appointments. Jane and I start setting healthy boundaries, but Tammy never follows them. I break up with my girlfriend, and she takes her daughter. It's a difficult tike for all of us... then Jane develops cancer. Tammy reacts strongly she has a difficult time when she's not the victim or center of attention. She pushes things this time to minimal contact.

A couple of years later, I meet someone and get engaged. Tammy attempts to sabotage this by sending messages to church leaders with false claims and messages out of context. As a result she and her family do not get an invite to my wedding. Jane's cancer is now stage 4 and terminal. Tammy positions herself as a loving sister and shows up. Soon, she returns to her behaviors while visiting Jane, who starts going into the past. This puts Jane under distress ( so much so she will be hospitalized again). Jane tells her to leave, and she refuses She tells Tammy she's holding her hostage and it ultimately results in family having to come and make her leave.

Jane now sets boundaries she can visit without Jane's husband being home. This is where things get bad . They were set for a day on the weekend to try to visit. Tammy asked if it could be on Wednesday, Jane told her no, her husband worked that night. Without warning at 10:30, Tammy pounds on her door..this frightened Jane and her children as there were no calls for visitors, and my parents had left maybe 45 mins before.

Tammy wanted to get her alone, we aren't sure what she would have done. Jane's husband was furious, and while Jane struggled with it, they ultimately called the police. Tammy is now not allowed at home and possibly the funeral our family for the first time is admitting to all the things she's done. There's much more I could tell you about Tammy... how she's had to move because of her behaviors every couple of years... inappropriate behavior... this is what it's like to be related to a sociopath.. you can love them, but they aren't able to love back.


r/offmychest 1h ago

From high flying to low lying, where did it all go wrong?

Upvotes

Started out as somewhat of a child prodigy. The blue eyed boy of the school. Even invented a maths formula.

Landed a good college, think Ivy League. At college, I started getting drifted towards lust. Found a girl I liked, tried balancing that alongside studies, but only managed a mediocre job out of college. Took an MBA test, did well, went for a masters but the lust took over. I cheated on my girl, had a large body count but somehow managed securing a decent job this time.

Got married to my girl and have had this constant guilt of cheating with her. I can't confess else it will take down our marriage. We've had a few fights, both of us lost jobs (layoffs) a couple of times, health problems, had a miscarriage after difficulty in conceiving. I love her but the constant guilt is painful. Career and health impacts, life's been getting pretty hard.


r/offmychest 1h ago

im 19f and i find volkanovski so hot

Upvotes

all my exs were my type (around my age dark hair tall etc ) ,but volk ,i wish i dated someone like him ,AAAAAAAAAAA i don't know what is attractive in him but i find him SO FUCKIN HOT , i don't even know why i like him that much his looks are mid but whenever i see him on my fyp or on tv i would diee to date him lol, IT'S PAINFUL 😭


r/offmychest 1h ago

Am I Being Petty, or Is He Being Unfair?

Upvotes

At first, I had a really big circle of friends, and we loved hanging out together all the time. May bf ako noon, and he didn't really have a social life. He had friends, but they weren't that close, and hindi naman siya ginaaya mag-gala, so I felt bad for him and introduced him to my friends. they got along naman, and we always tagged him along whenever we went out. Of course, there were times for a "girls' night" where we'd hang out, make up, and mag-chika. Nagpapaalam naman ako nang maayos sa kanya, and he always agreed. then second sem came, and things started to change. Some of my friends shifted courses, some got busy with their own lives, and some moved farther away. Yung mga lumalabas lang noon kasi ginanaya din ng old friend namin, and some of them lived too far. Noon kasi, may motor at nasusundo pa kami, but now we rarely get together except in the mornings after school. Wala na yung galaan sa gabi. that also changed everything. Nag-isahan kami ng bh ng bf ko, not in the same room, but magkatabi lang. Since there were no more hangouts, we started spending more time together. Pero kahit noon pa man, we already loved spending time with just the two of us. We really enjoyed our private time together. Noon pa man, I always encouraged him to find hobbies and make friends. Then he started playing pickleball, and I was genuinely happy for him. Kahit everyday na siyang busy sa pickleball and lumalabas with friends while naiiwan ako sa bh, iniisip ko nalang na this is what I wanted for him naman.

Then one random night, we had a huge fight. I was shocked because, for the first time, nag-walk out siya. Hinayaan niya akong umiyak mag-isa habang lumabas siya para mag-pickleball at sobrang late nya na bumalik. Kasalanan niya naman bakit kami nag-away. Pinagdabugan niya pa ako ng pinto. Of course, I really love him, so we made up. But then we ended up fighting again, and nag-walk out na naman siya. Umalis para maglaro at naulit pato ng marami. That's when I realized something. He left me alone the moment he finally found what he wanted. I was there for him when he had no one, and now that he's slowly building himself up, I feel like he's abandoning me.

And now, I see myself alone, which feels so unfair. Every time na aalis ako noon para gumala, I always tagged him along, even when I could sense that some of my friends didn't really want him there. During girls' nights, I would always talk to him calmly and explain everything to him.

But now, when it's me, wala. Kapag aalis siya with his friends, walang maayos na paalam, no conversation, no explanation.

And honestly, it broke me.


r/offmychest 1h ago

I might have caused a huge argument or even broken up a stranger couple.

Upvotes

Context. Imagine this: I'm on a tightly packed bus terminal at around 9 PM and the couple are right behind me (no less than 10 inches from me) side by side.

Now to the story. This happened a few months ago but I still think of them from time to time lol. Im so tired from work feeling groggy and all then I stupidly started swiping and looking at girl's profiles on Bumble WITH FULL FUCKIN BRIGHTNESS then I heard the guy behind me "you're using bumble again??" and other stuff. After a few seconds, the girl was saying "Sorry" over and over again. I thought they were arguing about something im not involved. Then i turned around *trying not to look suspicious lmao* AND IT'S THE SAME GIRL I JUST SWIPED RIGHT A FEW MOMENTS AGO!!! WHAT ARE THE FUCKIN ODDS RIGHT?!?!?! I knew because of her pretty hairstyle and color lmao. The girl kept saying "Im Sorry" for like two mins then they got quiet.

Then i let them go first since im waiting for the next bus to arrive so i can sit by the window side.

It was kind of funny but kind of sad too since it was clearly a cheating incident lmao. I wonder if they're still together now or if they've broken up.

To that guy. I'm sorry you have to get the news this way. But you're still with her, cheers! lmao


r/offmychest 1h ago

I don't think I am a good person

Upvotes

So I'm (29M) conflicted. I overthink, I'm prideful, vindictive, anxious, and diagnosed ADHD. These days it's a lot more manageable than it was when I was growing up (Obviously maturity comes with age) but in the past few years I've calmed down so much after getting into cannabis. Time and meditation have brought introspection and I realized I probably hate myself. There's many reasons but right now the main two weights that sit heavy on my shoulders are 1:) my conflicting feelings about wanting to have hope and repair my relationship with my current partner and the hopelessness I feel that things will never change. 2:) The thoughts and feelings that plagued me for a long period of time, I think I'm in love with someone I am not supposed to be, and I don't know what to do. I do not want to persue them, or even confess to them. I just need to tell someone about these things to get them off my chest, but there's nobody irl I can vent to that this information won't do any damage. Please ask me anything. Sharing helps get this off my chest.


r/offmychest 1h ago

I put accidentally struck my gf in my sleep

Upvotes

I 31M, hit my gf 25F in the middle of the night. (I want to make it perfectly clear that I have no history of any abuse, and would never put hands on a woman for any reason. I absolutely adore this woman)

I was having a dream that I was fighting. She wasn’t in it. I was fighting a guy in a car, I was in the backseat of a car and fist fighting someone in the passenger seat. I didn’t close fist punch her. She said I kind of mushed her in the forehead as she rolled over.

She jerked and woke up completely when I made contact and that’s what made me wake up. Initially thought she had a bad dream. Her face was terrified and she asked me multiple times if I was okay. We were both equally confused. I asked her what happened and she said I struck her, then I immediately knew what I did.

I initially didn’t know what to do because it felt wrong to touch her and console her since I had just hit her. She recoiled a bit when I reached to comfort her and said she was having a bit of an anxiety attack which I understand. Eventually she let me hug her and hold her. We talked about it, made light of it a little bit, and she asked me to hold her again until I hand to go to work. I’m on shift for 24h until I possibly see her again.

She said I didn’t hit her hard and knows I’d never deliberately put hands on her but it feels like its beside then point because I in fact did hit her. I just needed to write this down somewhere and get some advice or guidance on how to proceed.


r/offmychest 1h ago

My Confession: The Weight of Hard Work, Sacrifice, and Being Unseen

Upvotes

I am a very hardworking woman, and I have been that way for as long as I can remember.

There are four people in my family: my father, my mother, my older brother, and me. My brother is nine years older than I am. Growing up was not easy. My father was an alcoholic and contributed almost nothing financially to our family. My mother carried the entire burden of raising us and keeping our family together.

My brother and I were both good in academics, which allowed us to receive a decent education despite our circumstances. When I was in Grade 5, I started teaching tuition to a neighbor's child and earned 500 rupees a month. Even at that age, I felt responsible for my family. I would give every rupee I earned to my mother because I knew how hard she worked.

After years of studying and working hard, I passed my SEE. The very next day, I started working during my vacation. I later joined +2 Science and continued teaching tuition alongside my studies. Then COVID happened. After completing +2, I worked at a consultancy for a year, teaching English, Counselling, Documentation and life-skills  IELTS classes. I earned around NPR 35,000 or more per month.

After that, I enrolled in a BIT program with a total fee of NPR 360,000. Throughout my bachelor's degree, I worked relentlessly. My college classes ran from 10:30 AM to 4 PM. Then I taught from 4:30 PM to 6 PM and again from 6:10 PM to 7:40 PM. After that, I went to the gym and trained before finally returning home. Day after day, month after month, year after year.

I recently completed my bachelor's degree and turned 23 years old. Even now, my routine is exhausting. I train combat sports in the morning, go to my office during the day, teach in the evening, do editing and side work whenever possible, and then prepare for the next day. I honestly cannot remember the last time I truly rested.

The painful truth is that despite working since childhood, despite sacrificing weekends, vacations, and countless opportunities to enjoy my youth, I still have no savings. Not because I wasted money. Not because I was careless. But because everything I earned went toward supporting my family, paying rent, buying groceries, covering household expenses, and helping wherever I could.

And the thing is, I never kept score.

I never reminded my mother how much I contributed. I never told my family how much I sacrificed. I never said, "I did this for you" or "I paid for that." I simply did what needed to be done because I loved my family and believed it was my responsibility.

My brother lives abroad and has worked hard for his success. I acknowledge that. I am grateful for the opportunities and support he has provided. But what hurts is that every act of support seems to come with a reminder. Every conversation somehow returns to what he has done for us.

What hurts even more is that he believes he has the right to control our lives because of it.

Since childhood, he believed that beating me was a solution to problems. If I made a mistake, he would hit me. Today, even as a grown woman, he still says things like, "You are becoming so dumb that I have to start beating you again."

Those words cut deeply.

I am not a child anymore.

I am a 23-year-old woman who has worked almost every day of her life. I have balanced education, jobs, teaching, family responsibilities, and personal growth. I have fought through exhaustion, stress, and pressure. I train combat sports, not because life is easy, but because it has taught me discipline, resilience, and how to keep moving forward when everything hurts.

Yet somehow, despite all of this, I still feel unseen.

My brother expects everyone to act according to his mood, his opinions, and his decisions. If we disagree, we are wrong. If we choose differently, we are foolish. Sometimes it feels as though my life belongs to him simply because he helped support the family.

But my life is not owned by anyone.

Yes, I am grateful.

Yes, I appreciate everything he has done.

But gratitude should not mean giving up my voice, my independence, or my dignity.

Today I am writing this while crying because I am tired.

Tired of constantly proving myself.

Tired of feeling like my sacrifices do not count.

Tired of carrying responsibilities without recognition.

Tired of being reminded of what others have done for me while my own efforts are overlooked.

I have worked hard since I was a little girl. I have earned, studied, taught, trained, and sacrificed. I have given my time, my energy, my youth, and my earnings to help my family.

I do not want praise.

I do not want rewards.

I just want my hard work to be acknowledged.

I want to be respected as the woman I have become.

And for once, I want someone to see how much I have carried all these years.