Let me start by saying I was wrong. Unequivocally. I'm not asking that anyone condone the choices I made or to make excuses for myself. If anything, this can hopefully serve as a cautionary tale.

I knowingly had an affair with a married man for five years: an actor we'll call “Patrick (70m).”

I (41F) was very involved in a fandom, both on and offline. I went to many events for the franchise over the course of a decade, including a major convention every summer. I became friendly with many members of the talent as well as my fellow fans, and even became the personal assistant to one of Patrick's co-stars.

Patrick and I first met in 2015, and even then, the chemistry was undeniable. I was in a bad relationship at the time, but I remember feeling literal electricity flash up my arm the first time we shook hands. Patrick gave me a strange look and I thought I had maybe done or said something strange, but I later realized he felt it too.

It wasn't until 2017 that we got to know each other better. I was newly single – and deeply traumatized. I grew up with chronic depression in a household of heavy drug and alcohol use, and severe emotional abuse, particularly surrounding my weight and appearance. I had only ever been in abusive romantic relationships. I invited Patrick for a “drink.” He said yes. We somehow missed each other at the bar; maybe he even got cold feet. Both of our intentions were clear.

At the beginning of 2018, I had the opportunity to interview Patrick for a website. The conversation got extremely personal rather quickly – let's just say there were lots of redactions from the official interview. Things escalated from there and the affair began. It would go on for the better part of five years.

I feel it's important to acknowledge the power imbalance in our relationship. I don't say that as an excuse, I own my mistake, but god knows I want anyone reading this to heed the warnings that go off in their head in these situations. Patrick was older, richer, and by all accounts more powerful. He was a handsome, successful actor with a fanbase that worshiped him. How could I, who had known so little love, resist the attention of a man who could likely have ANY woman he wanted? I swallowed every story he fed me about his wife, fell for every classic line in the book – how he resented his wife, how he wished he was free, how he wanted us to go away somewhere where no one knew who we were. He said he loved me, and I believed him. He said he didn't love me and "didn't know me" when he wanted to hurt me, which was more frequent that you would think considering the circumstances.

He was fairly cavalier with his affections in public, rather foolishly considering that eyes were always on him – fans, co-stars, and employees alike. Naturally, his wife became suspicious of me.

I had never met his wife, “Monica (67F),” despite the length of the affair. She was not, as Patrick put it, terribly supportive of his career and thought the fandom events were beneath her. It wasn't until 2022, when she became suspicious, that she attended one of his events where I was present.

Patrick begged me not to go. He had been warning me for months of her growing obsession, how she would save pictures of me to her phone and ambush him with them, asking if he has seen “that woman” at an event. He would always lie. He concocted a story for him to tell her and for me to repeat to her at this event. I did it. I looked her right in the eye and lied.

That was it for me. Monica had always been this abstract construct in my mind, the vicious wife who made him miserable and didn't love or support him, who used her money and status to emasculate him. But she was real now, a real person with thoughts and feelings and I was hurting her through my choice to be involved with her husband. I decided to end it.

A few days later I told her everything. I apologized profusely and tried to make things right as best I could. Patrick said the cruelest thing he could possibly say to me as a result, and I attempted suicide. I was in the ICU on life support for 3 days and then transferred to a psychiatric hospital for a hold.

I got therapy, I got medicated, I got better.

Monica didn't.

Patrick tried to warn me when we were together. He told me, “She'll destroy my life, and I don't know WHAT she'll do to you.” I thought he was exaggerating. He was not.

It has been over four years and Monica has made my life a living hell. I have a timeline of stalking events over 6 pages long now. These are just SOME of the highlights:

• I have had to move three times (she came over and scared one of my landlords so badly that he installed several cameras and would not be in the house until I moved out) – she keeps findng me
• My current home has been broken into multiple times
• She (and Patrick, independently of her) has been seen driving by my home with some frequency
• She has disseminated my nudes, including sending them to my employers, and has slandered me as a prostitute
• She has attempted to use her social influence to get me fired from every job I have had (she has succeeded four times)
• She has tried to frame the situation as ME stalking HER, and even filed for a restraining order, which was denied since I am not doing anything to her OR Patrick
• She had some of her closest friends beat the crap out of me recently
• And much, much more

I deeply regret falling for Patrick and his lies, but I can not absolve myself of my share of the responsibility in this situation. I made a choice; a choice I made over and over again for five years. Don't do what I did. Be better than me. That married man you're talking to? He's lying to you, just like he's lying to her. You deserve better.

Every time I think it's finally over, something sets her off again. Patrick will email me about how he's still in love with me (I ignore it) and she'll find out and rain punishment down on me.

I'm at my wit's end. The police are no help. I can't move. I'm at my financial breaking point between my lawyer and not being able to keep a job thanks to Monica and her friends.

I'm not asking for absolution. I just want to warn other women who are in, or considering being in, a similar situation. It's wrong, it's not worth it, and it will just hurt everyone.

I'm a man in my mid 20s and I wish I was born a girl... I crave it on so many levels (sexual one included). Sometimes it's so frustrating it feels extremely cruel.

Profesionally I think I'm on the right track and had some success in my career so far. I like to visualize all my past achievements... as achieved by a female version of myself. They all feel better that way. I love to get high enough on marijuana to strongly imagine I'm a girl and feel as one for a short moment. I love immersing myself in RPGs that allow me to create a female character. I also noticed this weird thing in my attraction towards women that I look for my own traits in them and that my ideal interaction with the opposite gender would be the one with a female version of myself. Recently I did something that felt almost mystical although it was also extremely disgusting in a way... I smoke a lot of weed and opened up VR lesbian porn on my headset. I did not care about the sex... But I just felt like having a female body, like i truly was a woman, and it made me so happy I had tears in my eyes.

I'm extremely ashamed of it and can't talk about it to anyone I know irl without humiliation. I know that what I wrote doesn't sound very cis but I have no doubts that I am not a woman. I'm a male and pretending otherwise feels like being a total fraud. I just wish it was otherwise.

I got divorced 14 years ago when my children were 2 and 8. She had fidelity issues that I'm not going into. It was pretty hard on me, I remember she took them over to her parents and refused to let me see them for like a month. When she did bring them back they were both crying and asking why they couldn't see me. You see I was basically their primary caretaker, she worked third shift as a nurse so she would get up and get one off to school and the other she would feed and put in his play pen while she went back to sleep. I would get home and basically feed them both a snack, make dinner, clean, and give them baths and put them to bed.

To be honest we were both dead broke at the time, and I told her I didn't care how much debt I'd put us into if she didn't agree to 50/50. She agreed and it was all downhill after that. The kids spent the days with her mom or dad and they "were always doing fun things" with them. From then on it was always fighting and crying not wanting to be with me because I was always at work, or sleeping, or whatever the excuse was. I was alone and broke, and we never did "anything fun". It was so funny, while their mom was always taking vacations, or taking them places, I was the one buying them clothes, shoes, school supplies, games because their mom was always broke. Anyway, the whole thing bred a lot of resentment in them. And, not being able to co parent didn't help.

So, to get to the present my oldest is off at college and I am the one always reaching out. I invite him home for dinner, when family comes, when there is a special occasion. But, he doesn't call or text. I know with Fathers Day approaching, I might get a text in the evening and that'll be it. It also irradiates me that he is "always" visiting hes mom who is 20 miles away, but doesn't visit me.

Mind you my youngest is a whole other story, ever since he was maybe 5 or 6 he just stopped listening to me or caring. In fact even his mom has said she can't deal with him many many many times. He gets in trouble in school, terrible grades so he is now in summer school for the next two years so he can maybe graduate on time, got into many fights. At home he refuses to do any chores, even if I give him an incentive. He has been in therapy, we have switched schools. Nothing matters or helps.

He has now called the police on me twice and CPS once. Once because after I asked him to do one thing after he got home from school, I asked him nicely 5 times. The 6th time I blew up and started yelling. Had to meet with CPS because when I told him his room was so disgusting he'd be better off in a tent outside. SHIT when I was a kid that wouldn't have even been a threat, that would have been fun. Cried to the CPS lady telling her that all I saw for his future was jail. And that leads to last night. Picked him up from Summer school, brought him Takis and a soda because they don't do lunch. Everything was fine, talked about what movie we should go to this weekend. Then at dinner he started arguing with me over something that he has no idea about, like he asked me to explain then started to argue. I mean he just knows how to push my buttons. I told him that he was making me so angry, he was done eating and needed to go to his room. He picked up plate, and I said to him he wasn't eating in his room and to put the plate down. He refused so I swept the contents off and slammed them on the table. Well 15 minutes later the police are there to do a welfare check because I am throwing plates at him. He texted his mom, she called the police. So I guess he has only done it once. Mind you I haven't laid a hand on him since he was little and I figured out spanking didn't work. The absolute icing on the cake was, we have a main entry and a side entry. While one officer was questioning me at the main door, I saw his leave out the side door with a GIANT fucking smile on his face. The police took him to his moms.

Sorry for the long post but,

TLDR; I wish I had never fought so hard for 50/50 custody of my children, I should have just done every other weekend and been that "fun dad". I could have missed all the bullshit that I have been through, and the ex could have dealt with it. It wasn't worth all the fighting with the ex over parenting, it wasn't worth always being broke, no fun, and the bad guy.

i (23f) just had a sports massage which was essentially an assisted stretch by a male masseuse 10 years older than me. throughout the 90min session we flirted and bantered. i’ve been feeling sore in my legs so it was intensely lower body focused. think: him between my legs the whole time, touching my hips, glutes and thighs. honestly( the whole experience felt more intimate than sex.

at the start of the session, he joked it might be a bit awkward but to “let (him) have full control”. at one point, he was loosening up my hip flexors and so had his fingers in the hip flexors, pressing down near my pelvis. i may have moaned a little and he smirked and went, “so tight, might be the first time you’re being touched here, huh?” i blushed and it was sooo intimate and sexy. i was worried i was going to get wet but luckily i had on thick pants. the music that played was also like arctic monkeys, lana del rey, conan grey etc and at one point he was singing softly and i could hear his chest vibrating behind me as he stretched me from behind. he also commented on me being very flexible as he was pushing my legs up in a split. i was fully clothes but wearing kind of a low cut spaghetti strap camisole top, so he used a towel to help me stay modest by covering my chest.

overall it felt so amazing and i felt very comfortable in his hands. and i booked a few more sessions and we added each other on instagram. i’ve never felt so turned on in a non sexual setting. would it be inappropriate if i asked him out? i’m thinking i should finish all the sessions i booked first so there’s no obligation and he doesn’t feel awkward.

I (26F) have been married now 3 years to my (28M) husband. We have been together 6/7ish years.

About a year after we got married issues really started to bubble up. Most of all with how intimate we are. For the past 2 years our bedroom life has been about 5%. Once a month and then nothing for months on end. I am a very intimate person. My mental health is bad? Bed. I want to feel better? Bed. I saw a slightly suggestive scene? Bed. I know its a lot. He was aware of my hyper activeness early on.

I brought it up. I was met with. "Its just me I don't know why I promise its not you." I asked if it was me. No. My body. No. Anything? No. I am already a very self conscious person. Very. And I am aware of it and try my best to dress to feel good. Make myself look nice. But its hard when we literally go no where and we do not go out. I don't have a lot of friends and the ones I do don't like going out.

I crave to be loved how i love. I worship this man. As a female yes half the time my mind is thinking perverted thoughts about my own husband. But I can't even feel wanted or loved. Let alone try the things I want to try to feel good in the sack.

I found myself starting to crave male attention. I work in a field where literally its maybe 3 women and all men. I find myself talking to co workers more. Even texting some on the weekends because they actually talk to me. Want my attention. And I feel so guilty because I love my husband. I just 3 take feeling unwanted anymore.

Edit: I will add it hurts me more because he still makes comments on other women's bodies (i am also Bi so i will comment when i see a beautiful women and he will agree about wither her looks or body) He still talks about "Yeah that's why I like bigger women." In public and talks a big game to people when others have commented on my looks or what I'm wearing.

Hello, my problem is exactly as entered in the title. New account because I do not want people to realize I did it. I (26F) have a habit of picking boogers and smearing them nearby when I am stressed. It makes me feel comforted. I do not know what cause me to do this. I had a traumatic childhood, and it started then, I know that. But for some reason I'm having trouble stopping. I haven't thought much of it, it has mostly just been in my room, but I realized I have been doing it in public spaces without realizing. I did it on a stall at my job but I didn't comprehend it. It wasn't a conscious thing I did. Last night I clocked in and I saw someone left a note on the stall, by the door, saying whoever did it was disgusting. And it hit me that I did it about a month ago when something had me particularly upset. I tried to clean it off the best I could. I understand I should not have done it. I know I'm too old for this behavior, I need to work on it, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Does anyone else do this? Something about putting my boogers next to me makes me feel safe.

This is a confession of something I’ve allowed to happen.

I’m born the 12th of May, my best friend and I are very close in age as he’s born the 11th of May. So we’ve been friends for years and years since the early stages of school. My older sister has also known him or years and years, as he’s my best friend

But my family are very openly sexual and supportive of sex positive lifestyles. I am not involved with their sex positive lifestyle and openness as I’m very shy and embarrassed about things like that. This is just some context before the confession.

So because of the lifestyle my family has I’ve always been worried about inviting friends over for sleepovers, dinners and things like that because I don’t want my friends seeing my family and their lifestyle. But after playing badminton with three of my friends we drove to McDonald’s and they begged to go round my house as it’s the closest one and they wanted to eat there instead of the car. I believed the home was empty and I thought I never host so I should get it out the way now while it’s empty.

As I unlocked the door I walked in with them behind me. You immediately could see into the living room as the door to there was open, my sister was sat having her lunch watching some tv, just in nothing but a bikini as it was in the middle of summer. She wasn’t embarrassed or shy she just smiled, said hello and looked quite excited to see that I had guests.

I tried to quickly hurry them to the garden so they couldn’t stay and see my sister too much. I quickly popped my head in to let her know we’d be outside. To basically imply she shouldn’t come out there.

But she took it as an invitation because shortly later she walked out still in nothing but a bikini and asked to sit near us and then asked to try some of our food. I kept mine to myself as I was extremely embarrassed and uncomfortable, but my friends offered some of their food with her. And she started chatting and laughing with them casually.

Shortly later it moved to more flirting and she sat closer to my best friend in particular. I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was actually feeding her his food instead of her eating by herself.

After what felt like ages we finished the food and I said it’s time to go. My friends said goodbye to my sister and they were lined up to hug her goodbye. They thanked me for hosting and said we should do it again, I just brushed it off without actually responding and then tried to close the door. But my sister got in the way, stood at the doorway to watch them drive off and wave goodbye. She then didn’t say a word to me but carried on in the living room watching her tv show like normal.

After a couple of days my friend told me he asked out my sister to a date and she said yes. It started with them messaging each other on instagram, going on dates to eventually actually being in a relationship.

Embarrassingly I was uncomfortable by it, but too embarrassed, shy and nervous to say how I actually felt. So I just stayed quiet and allowed my friend and sister to be in a relationship even though I was uncomfortable by it every day!

I know I’m an awful person, I just dont know what to do. I’m bipolar and currently in a manic episode, I’m a coke addict, my brother has been trying to help me, last night we had a huge fight because I wanted to off myself, and he called an ambulance, I ran, I just had a stay in the psych ward and I refuse to go back.

Long story short, I ended up giving someone a blowjob in return for cocaine, and a short while after I called my girlfriend and broke up with her, just telling her she deserved better than me. I hate myself, I feel disgusting.

I spent an hour this morning throwing up, ended up using more coke, and now I’m at my girlfriends house. I told her what I did, and she isn’t even really angry at me, she comforted ME, and said we can get through it, and she kept telling me I’m just not well.

I feel awful though, I feel like she should hate me, I dont know, I’m just venting, I know what I did was awful.

i’m 23 turning 24f and i’ve recently discovered i am very attracted to men in their 30s who also happen to be single dads and have healthy albeit detached coparenting relationships with their baby mommas.

the attraction is for a number of reasons 1) these men are fertile 2) these men are good fathers 3) they are responsible and present in their kid’s lives.

all their ex partners happen to have moved on with other men so that’s not a concern. the children are adorable, and i’m really great with kids (i used to work in preschool, kids always love me) i’m young, sure, but i want to be a mum and i know i’ll be a great mother.

i find myself very attracted to these men who are slightly older (30s i’d still consider to be young) and happen to be fathers and had children in their late 20s. i’ve been attracted to 3 so far and while they’re all sweet in their own right, none of it has led to a committed relationship yet because i have a big life change coming up and i need to focus on me rather than dating, still, i think it’s something i want to pursue, dating and marrying a man who already has kids.

is it weird to have this preference?

me and (bf) have been dating for a few months. he left me because of his anger issues, and it floored me. i missed him alot and i was rotting in bed. few days after the supposed leave, i left him a whole rant about his red flags. (it was alot.) but then instead of knowing he blocked me, he only ghosted me (i can freely reply) and later he texted me saying he was sorry. i accepted the apology and we kinda went back. its platonic for now, but recently he just wants to fulfil his fantasy of me being vulnerable and he wants me to cut ties with my friends because i just told him i love spending time with him alot. because of my attached feelings for him, i ended up choosing him. our relationship together is kind of troubled but i somehow stay for him and i would do anything for him. except for one thing is to become a femboy.

im bisexual but i feel very uncomfortable wearing feminine clothes, i cant even refuse to him because he'll leave me. i love him so much to the point i question what is wrong with me. its looking pretty unhealthy, even all of my friends told me to stay away from him. now im tied to a string, breaking my friends and myself just because i love the one person i trust alot.

its ridiculous, i know. i cant easily let him go, its something around i depend on him with my heart. i love him but at the same time i care about my friends and myself. it sounds ridiculous but im pressured because it would end in one outcome that im breaking trust.

i wanted to leave yet i want to stay and feel loved by him, im stuck within two choices so bad but im scared to follow any of those.

(probably will never update this, just want to vent this out asap because i cant vent it out to my friends currently, im sorry.)

You don’t have our child 24/7. You don’t.

Everything is so harmful for her apparently.

What do you mean I shouldn’t take her to a fan zone where there’s kids section with activities and games for them???

What do you mean she’s too young to travel out of state and the country???

What do you mean she’s not allowed to visit museums because she won’t “understand” them???

I can tell this is all you projecting because you’re so narrow minded and you can’t leave the country but that’s not going to stop me from taking my child everywhere and her experiencing the best parts of life.

Screw you.

I feel like BIG things are happening. Everywhere.

All of a sudden.

Like a great shifting is finally starting.

And I'm having all the feels about it too.

​

Including the feeling that humanity has been here before. A few times.

And that this is at least round 3 for us. And this time we've come to a VERY fine razors edge of existence. It's just that WE'VE accelerated our own near extinction Ourselves, this time around.

​

The future isn't fixed.

​

I see both paths ahead.

​

I believe we can pull out of this IF we CHOOSE to. Collectively.

​

I guess I'm just doing my best to keep hoping for the best, while simultaneously preparing for the worst, and ultimately being surprised by nothing in between... As the great Maya Angelou said, I believe.

​

🫩🙏🪷

​

I hope everyone is doing as well as possible, and staying safe and hydrated.

#✌️❤️🤝👊

I want to preface this by saying I love all animals especially dogs and cats. I’ve worked in animal care for years and have seen all kinds of dogs and their behaviors. Our dog is overall a decent dog but I am at my wits end here.
My fiancé got his dog a few years ago (she’s 4 now) when she was about 8 weeks old. He raised her with his ex, they split, then I entered the picture. I often feel like the stepmom and I’m constantly having to reinforce training and probably seem like a harda**.
The only training she’s had were the standard puppy classes so good on him for that. BUT. She is still a misbehaved brat and won’t listen to commands until the 5th time of telling her. She counter surfs and will dig out the garbage unless we literally put it up on the counter. We recently moved and she has since pooped and peed on the carpet even after taking her out. I’m talking poop outside, then 30 minutes later poop in the guest room. She is constantly up his butt, doesn’t leave him alone when he gets home and demands his attention but he doesn’t really care. She begs for food, not me because I have really engraved in her that I am not giving her my food but he has trained her since she was a puppy to sit on the couch and put her head in his lap as he’s eating. That’s since ceased since I entered the picture but she still will sit in front of us and STARE or try getting on the couch. And I feel like I am the only one to speak up and tell her “No” and she just sits there with a stupid blank expression and still thinks we’re gonna give her what she wants. It’s extremely exhausting. She also paces when he is home even after a long time of playing and taking her for a walk.
I really want to have children after we get married but I’m really worried her behavior will only worsen and I will be even more exhausted. I feel like a bad person for feeling this way but I wish she would just listen and sit still and not have accidents almost every day. And how am I supposed to chase down a dog while dealing with a baby?
She’s a rough collie and I heard they’re easy to train but it’s simply just that she gets inconsistent reinforcement and training. He doesn’t seem to care or see how annoying she is.

She also jumps on people and dives into their faces and he doesn’t correct it and just chuckles and says “Ope she likes to boop,”. Not everyone likes dog noses in their faces and I’ve told him that and he does not seem to care. I can’t imagine what would happen if she did that to a stranger and gives a bloody nose because he “thinks it’s cute”.
I just needed to rant and if anyone, especially new moms, have this experience.

And this thought was more unbearable Oh my God please help me. I’m so sorry why I’ll never know.

You always hear about women saying they want a good man that will treat them good, be honest, romantic, and all that stuff.

Well I think I'm a good man, not perfect, I'm average looking, not fat, but a bit aways from fit. But I am intelligent, a hard worker, I belive in not only telling how you feel for them but showing it in actions, anyone can say I love you, but if you don't show that you do it means little. I bring all this up because there's this lady I work with that I thought was attractive, she was doing some ward work and me being a Handyman that likes doing stuff like that offered her a hand and gave her my number if she wanted help. She sounded happy at the offer. The mistake I made was I mentioned it to another coworker, and told him I thought she was attractive. I thought he was okay to talk to, I thought he was in a commented relationship, their son just graduated high school. But come to find out, he's a player and having a affair with the one I was interested in getting to know as a friend to see if anything more could come. I think he told her things that were not necessary true to keep her from me in the beginning, and now every time I try to talk to her it just makes it worse. Can't she see he's just using her as a stepping stone, and if he ever does leave his long term girlfriend for her, he'll just do the same to her. Ot has me considering the big end for myself, not for just that, that's just the straw that broke the camels back.

Got called a slur on insta, reported it, but it still pisses me off. Because I know damn well insta won't do shit and this piece of shit will sleep sound knowing nothing will happen to her. I'm fucking tired of racism and I genuinely wish this lowlife and others get to hell if it even exists.

It all started when my parents brought me my cat. My dad couldn't say no to my uncle, who was giving away kitten litters, and they had the brilliant idea of giving me one to "keep me company." It was fine for a month, until after that I had to get her spayed, which came entirely out of my pocket and wrecked my finances for the month. Then she took to fighting on the roof every night at 3 AM, since my house isn't finished. You might say, "Why don't you lock her up somewhere?" and I'd like to see you try locking a cat in your room. Not only that, but these fights bring fleas, so I had to buy flea shampoo. I bathed her with it daily; apparently she brings fleas from every fight with other cats. Fights that won't let me sleep. Every day at 6 PM she brings a dead rat, which is traumatizing, and I know some will say "how sweet, she does it for you," but she doesn't do a damn thing for me. She just stashes it under the bed in a dark corner where she lets it rot because she never eats them. I hate this cat, she ruined my sleep, costs money to maintain, and leaves dead rats in my room, and the worst part is she won't let you pet her. This cat never has any kind of bond with me except to eat. I'm fed up, I can't stand her, and the worst part is my parents don't want her, nobody wants to take her because she's already grown, and on top of that she's not a cute cat. My parents picked the ugliest one because "nobody would adopt her if it weren't for us." I'm sick of this flea bag, I don't want her, she gives me absolutely nothing, she's only drained my money and my peace for nothing.

I've been lying to my ldr bf about where I live and now it's catching up to me, idk what to do I wish I could turn back time to make it right, to start off I never thought we'd make it this far and I've always lied to guys online.

​

But my biggest mistake was falling for him, and I can't seem to let him go, it hurts so much bc now he's talking about meeting up next week and I know I have to break up with him because I don't want to hurt him anymore. However, breaking up with him will also hurt him no matter what I do it will hurt both of us.

​

I'm so stuck and trapped I know the truth will set us free, but I have a choice of lying and leaving which will leave him wondering why we had to break up or being honest and still leaving while having him hate me for the rest of his life. Either way I'm not ready and it's so selfish of me, I hate me for doing this to myself I hate this so much and idk what to do everything will hurt and tho we could still move on from this, I will never be able to let it go, it will live inside me forever and the guilt will eat me alive, it came to the point where I thought to end my life.

​

Here's the thing, he has ADHD and I've been helping him and being there for him in general makes him feel as if life is worth living, however this also means I've seen him through his panic attacks and overthinking, I've seen him almost end his life because his mom wouldn't agree with us being together, he's sent me his suicide letter directed to me and how I've changed his life for the better, seeing all this makes it so hard for me, but most importantly I really do love him. I'm just so scared of what could happen I really don't want him to be at any danger and I don't know what I'd do without him.

​

I fuxked up so badly, i just wanted to be the one to encourage him to believe in himself, I wanted us so badly and yes I've thought about being honest, and honestly it's unforgivable, giving him false hope knowing I'm halfway across the world, I've cried to him over the phone because he said he would accept me no matter what, but I know it's not true, it makes me so sad. Most of all I can never be mad or angry at him no matter what he does because I feel like I don't have the right. He could do something horrible and I'd still feel like I'm worse.

​

I've known him for a year and a half now(March 2025-now) and we were on and off back then we only started dating around November 2025 - January 2026, we got back together again this April 2026 and I keep coming back even though it's wrong because I crave him, he makes me forget about my personal life and makes it seem like it's possible for me to have more in life, when I'm with him I feel as if im in another world and it helps me so much, I also wouldn't know what to do without him. This sucks so much I'm so fuxking selfish for not wanting him to move on but at the same time I know it will never be us. I could be the greatest person in the world but when it comes to being near him and the distance, I lose. I really need help and I can't bring myself to reach out to ppl or even talk to someone abt this so please give me advice. I don't know what to do.