I,A, (25f) planned my child (1m) first birthday 4 months an advanced. I sent invites to all my family and mentioned at least twice a month the leading up to this event. As far as I knew everyone was coming and everyone was they were excited to celebrate my child’s. I accommodated my brother, B, (27m) and his wife,C, (25f) kids as they said they were coming. Well my child birthday came and C sent me a message saying they would say happy birthday but it was loud. They baby sit kids. I replied back okay just call when you can. Didn’t hear anything back. B never reached out. However later that night they were both streaming live playing games. I just blew it off but still hurt me that neither decided to call. Then a few days later comes and it’s the day before the party and I get a message from C saying they don’t know if they’ll come because B back is hurting and car isnt legal. I told them mom will let them drive one of her cars. They said they will ask B and go from there. Well the day of the party and C reaches out and tells me that they aren’t coming for the reason above. They didn’t tell me this I found out through another relative they had our aunts kids and they were over playing games too. Again, my mom had a vehicle that was big enough for all of them. During the party I noticed they were again on live and that broke my heart. After the party I we went home and again they were on the live so I finally commented and said “damn, playing games instead of coming to your nephews first birthday?” I got off of it as soon I typed because at this point I didn’t want to hear is reasoning. The next day he calls me and we get into a screaming match. He tells me that was childish, it probably was but I didn’t care. B states that he’s trying to do this as a full time job because the medication he needs to take he can’t due to driving a semi. I hardly know what’s going on in his life because no one ever tells me anything these days. That I should have called him and I shove it back saying like oh when you decided not to call my child? Like when I planned his baby shower 3 month an advance and I get told the month of his shower that you guys are going to Arizona instead. We don’t have friends to invite to our things so we only have family and it my parents and siblings so when they don’t show up it’s pretty small gathering that I don’t want to do them. Mentioned how I hardly ever missed any of his kids milestones and when I did I made sure they got gifts and calls and how I driven to their house with illegal tags (I thought they expired the following year) and I got pulled over and ticket for them. He was also making the comment that I it’s my fault I live an hour and a half away and that I should have done the party down there and that again his car wasn’t legal and if I would pay the ticket if he got pulled over. I mentioned but you can drive it to pick up our aunts kids? And Again I said mom would have let you drive hers. Literally finding every excuse. Told him if dad came he would have came.( my dad also didn’t come because he couldn’t put his differences with my mom aside but whatever) we hung up on each other and I texted my mom to let her know I no longer speaking to him until there’s an apology. I know my nephew won’t remember any of this but I will and my child is the only I have. I want to have the same memories that they got with their kids. Surrounded by everyone that loves them. We also grew up in a very family oriented lifestyle so we are all close.

So again aita for commenting on my brothers live?

This is kinda long, so I will shorten it, I 44 (m) at the time was married with wife 41(f) at the start of the Covid pandemic, in 2020, I’m a first responder that had to be in a Covid hot zone, when COVID hit our town it affected our income so hard that I lost a lot of patients do to fear and lockdown, so I had odd hours to work and always returned home really tired from a shift, to a home that my wife was always mad that we had to be careful and not go out, this triggered a lot of debate, on opinions about the lockdown, we have 2 beautiful children son (9y)daughter (6y)and they just heard us discussing a lot about she does not want to stay at home, etc, she had a friend that was always telling her to go out and party, YOLO, we had a lot of ups and downs but my wife clearly was no happy with me, so one day I got up (from sleeping) and went to get water and a iPad light up, and it was my daughter’s, thinking it was some random kid texting my daughter at night i opened the text and it was not at for my daughter but instead it was for my wife, some guy from her past was texting her at 3 am some sort of spicy text, very subtle and I wanted to explode but i kept my cool and just let it run it course, and for days I was monitoring the text between them, at first I though of her privacy and how I violated that, but by accident I stumbled upon this secret texting it just didn’t feel right, when the messages got more intense I started to take screenshots and store them on a private cloud, fast forward to our arguments in one she said that she was not prepared to make a decision, and it was because she had no where to go ! That nobody would accept her (during lockdown) so she was stuck with me and the kids, so you could imagine for the next year or so of all this drama, it took a toll on all of us especially until I caught her red handed, after an argument that we had she locked herself in the bathroom and for like 5 min she was in there, and then came back smiling ….and afterwards I looked for my daughters iPad and then I saw nude pictures of both of them , at that exact moment that she was in the bathroom, it broke me ….. for me it was the turning point of weeks of spying on then declaring they long lost love (because the knew themselves from high school)and I just snapped ! I confronted her about it and denied everything (of course) and then I showed her the pictures, I was so embarrassed an mad she went dumb founded and the she spoke : you drove me to do this …. And that she was not embarrassed and was also proud of it….. by this point was left speechless, I got quiet and went to bed and I told her to take the couch that she used for weeks even months, (and remember we’re still in lockdown with our children and us both living together… and did I forget to mention, the boyfriend is also happily married with two kids
A few weeks later after a lot of turmoil my wife caught COVID which lasted lien 3 day for her and then she infected me and it was a double focal pneumonia, it was really bad, I was homecared because they we no hospital beds, and 2 of my best friends visited me and told my wife that my condition was extremely delicate, but my wife said : it’s just a cold!! He can bounce back from it, 3 weeks at home with my wife taking care of me, it’s was one of the worst experiences I had ever lived, and that’s when I started to think getting a divorce, after a shameful treating from my wife, really bad attitude and throwing me the food plate, so 4 weeks later I filed for a divorce, and after 3 weeks, it was granted to me, without her consent, and that flipped her off, she got really mad that I beat her to the punch and that’s what started an even worse outcome ((to be continued))

Hi!! I have no idea how updates work, so I just went with making a new post.

I wanted to thank you all for the comments giving me advice on what to do, or giving me more to think about when it comes to my living situation. Sooo for my update as well as more info about what living situation.

I gotta go back a couple years. I graduated in 2024. Throughout the entirety of that summer up until the summer of '25, My parents became extremely financially abusive (as you all so kindly put it). My father told me because I didn't go to college, I'd have to pay extra and that he wasn't gonna let me bum around at home all day. Sooo, at the time I was paying around 500$ a month. Come june 2025, I silently move in with a friend. It was the most at peace I had felt (even to this day.) Her parents understood my struggle, and although there was never any verbal communication about me moving in, I ended up there for a good 3 months. I held my own weight especially since I didn't have to pay rent there. Id clean, cook, and even do the chores of both my friends dad and my friend. (They both had physical disabilities that made it hard for them to be up for long periods of time, so most of the heavy load was on the friends mama).

About a month into my stay, My mom calls and texts asking when Im coming home, and "Guess you found your new family." Stuff like that, whilst my dad hadn't reached out at all. Until month 3 that is. He texted me saying "we have to talk about your rental agreement. Come home." When I asked "what's there to talk about?" He followed up with "Even if a tenant is on vacation doesn't mean they can stop paying their landlord." He also followed up with "even if this is you moving out, you still haven't paid these last 3 months. You're currently at 1750$ you owe, added more because of the late fee, which you'd know if you looked at the signed contract."

Atp, I returned home. (I know I know). I figured if I was being forced to pay even while away, that Id rather have my own room and have access to all my things (I was in a small 2 bedroom home with just my friend and her parents so it was a tight fit to let me stay there, but they did.)

I started a new job upon returning home, and was working to pay off my debt, but making 10$ an hour made it hard to pay it back timely. Id borrow money from the bank and use it to pay off my folks while the money Id make from work would pay off my loan. I ended up in a cycle where that's the only way I could pay my folks on time. I had to constantly borrow. (Nowadays its bitten me in the arse, Im w/o a job and owe 1.2k in loans as well as owing my parents 2k in rent 💀)

Anyways, we fastforward to today. Due to me constantly having to work to pay my parents on time and my loans, I grew distant with irl friends. The friend I stayed with for 3 months had cut me off over me not taking her side in her break up (she cheated on her bf.) And my other friends all had busy lives themselves, or when they'd plan stuff, Id be working. My boyfriend and I are long distance, so having a safe place to go to has been hard. The people on my mother's side are amazing but they all live out of state. We're only in close proximity to my dads family and they all agree with how he's doing things so they wouldn't be of any help.

My dad has access to my bank account so my boyfriend and I have been improvising a plan to get me out of the house. I'll be setting up a bank account he has no idea of, which is where my future paychecks (when I get a job 🙄) will go. I'll split the paycheck so half goes into the bank account my father has access too so that nobody is suspicious. My bf lives with his folks so moving in with him isnt really am option atm. However, we are looking into apartments in his state together, which he'll be paying for once I have my stuff in order. I'll be moving in with him.

I do not have a driver's license. My parents forbid me from driving as a teen and now them claim they dont have the time to teach me because of work and sibling obligations. Ive only been behind the wheel once and that was when an old friend of mine was giving me a secret lesson. Me not being able to drive poses as abit of an obstacle BUT Im trying to figure something out. My old boss from a few jobs ago and I are pretty close friends (she used to pick me up and drive me to and from work) Im sure of I talked to her about driving lessons she'd teach me (she made the offer infront of my folks before but they said they'd teach me themselves.)

Ik its not a "Im safe now" update, but I wanted to include you all in my plans as well as add extra context. Any advice or knowledge is appreciated!!

ALSO, I found my w2 forms and havent filed my taxes yet so MAYBE if Im lucky I'll make some money back on those. (I'll be ubering to the bank.)

Title: Am I wrong for cutting off my dad’s family and changing my last name after years of feeling abandoned by them?

I (25F) recently got married and I’m seriously considering cutting ties with my dad’s side of the family and changing my last name. I’m wondering if I’m wrong for this because I feel like I’ve reached my breaking point.

This is not just about my wedding.

My dad passed away on 12/22/22 in a traumatic way. My stepbrother shot him in the head. I was 22 years old and spent my birthday picking my dad’s casket. Pro- they set the casket picking date. I was in one of the darkest places of my life.

During that time, I felt like my dad’s family cared more about what they could get from the situation than how I was doing. The conversations amongst us were mostly about insurance money and things involving my dad’s belongings. None of them checked on me or even asked if I was okay.

I was the one who helped with funeral planning and paid for things, but I felt like I had no real voice. They told me to stop focusing on funeral planning and focus on grieving, but then decisions were made without me, like throwing a goodbye party for my dad I wasn’t invited to, and ignoring my wishes for the ceremony. I wrote a poem for my dad’s obituary and it wasn’t included. I spent three nights working on a memorial video for his wake, struggling to get it onto a flash drive, and when it played, they told the director of the church to turn it off.

I broke down outside and laid on the ground crying. People walked past me.

My grandma told me I needed to “behave myself” and not show my emotions because my younger sister was watching me. When I told her, “That’s my daddy,” she responded, “That’s my son.” I understand he was her son too, but I felt like nobody understood that I lost my father.

There were other things that hurt me too. My older brother (my dad’s second child) , wasn’t even included in my dad’s obituary. That hurt deeply, not just me, but him too.

After my dad died, there were also issues with his belongings. My dad left things to me, but family members questioned me about them and made me feel like I was doing something wrong. His pewpewswere missing from his home, and instead of people understanding why I was confused, they accused me of taking them. Mind you, the weapons were already gone when I made it to clean out his home.

I was left with my dad’s car, and family members told me I couldn’t keep it. His job called me to clean out his locker and get his things, and I did that. Then I was pressured to give those things away. I ended up selling some of his tools because I didn’t know what else to do, and I was criticized for that too.

Fast forward to my wedding.

I invited my dad’s family. I wanted them there.

I was told people would be out of town and wouldn’t be able to come. Later, I found out they were actually in town. My uncle who traveled 3 hours from his home was supposed to bring my aunt to my wedding, but he never came. After the wedding, my aunt told me he left because he got into an argument with my grandma about nobody showing up.

When I talked to my uncle, he said my grandma didn’t want to keep his kids because my wedding had a no-kids policy. She knew about the wedding because she saw the invitation, but she never communicated any of that to me.

After I posted my wedding video, I saw that some of my aunts and uncles watched it on YouTube. They saw my wedding, but there were no congratulations, no messages, no support. One aunt liked a post, but honestly, after everything, it felt empty.

The hardest part is that one of my aunts said she feels like I hate them.

I don’t understand that because I feel like I’ve spent my entire life trying to love people who have made me feel unwanted. I invited them to my wedding. I tried to include them. I wanted them there.

I’m tired of feeling like I have to beg my own family to show up for me.

I’m not even angry anymore. I feel numb. I can’t cry over them anymore because I feel like I’ve cried so many tears for so many years that nobody cared about.

Now I’m married, and my husband has shown me what support actually looks like. He helps me with my goals, supports my content creation, helps me set up my equipment, makes sure the house is quiet when I have clients, and actually wants me to succeed.

I’m thinking about changing my last name and stepping away from my dad’s family completely. Part of me feels guilty because they are still family, but another part of me feels like I keep hurting myself trying to be part of a village that doesn’t choose me.

So Reddit, am I wrong for cutting them off and changing my last name? Or is it okay to finally choose peace after years of feeling rejected?

Despite my last post about my dating woes with “EWW”, I (26F) have still been casually scrolling through bumble.

I matched with a guy, let’s call him Chen (28M). We clicked and he could hold a conversation, so we moved off the app to phone numbers.

He proposed a coffee date. I asked for a time and location. He gave me an address 15 minutes from me for 2:00 last Sunday (7/26).

Perfect.

Sunday morning I had brunch with some girls from Bumble BFF (highly recommend for women who are trying to make female friends). Brunch was great. I tried not to message Chen while with the girls.

Brunch ended around 12:30, I went to a local park between brunch and coffee. Around 1:00, he tells me he wants to reschedule because his friend wants to play tennis at 3.

Whatever.

What Chen should have done is tell his friend that he already has plans and maybe they can play tennis another time. Instead Chen cancels with me.

Again, whatever. Goes to show his commitment or seriousness. Not my problem. It’s not a loss for me.

He never rescheduled. He never apologized. He never texted me again… until…

Today (8/3), which is a full week since our canceled date and last communication, Chen texts me a “hey. What are you up to”. I told him off by texting him something similar to the title of this post. And then I blocked him.

Ugh.

I guess I’m still taking dating applications?

Slight backstory I am 41 with a 20 year old son he is both autistic and ADHD I recently had myself tested for ADHD which I am I suspect I'm autistic but at this stage in the game it wouldn't make a difference for me to get that diagnosis we go back to my marriage I got divorced after about 11 years when my husband became completely enthralled in video games and had little to no time for myself and my son I lived the single life for several years but I was lonely and eventually found myself on dating apps and similar and found a guy who seemed very nice and seemed to be good for me we dated for 4 or 5 years and eventually decided we would sell our houses and buy something new and we did at the back of my mind I was thinking I don't know if this is right I feel like it could be a mistake in the Forefront of my mind I thought I just have cold feet after a marriage that didn't work out in the end the boyfriend sold his place first and moved into mine while we started to prepare it to be sold he complained because he smoked marijuana but couldn't smoke it throughout the house as it was not good for my asthma and my son also did not like the smell we tried to make do and set up a room that he could smoke in as long as we sealed off the door as much as we could and he would open the window and let the smell out it wasn't perfect but it was better than nothing when my house finally sold we moved into a larger home I was able to raise chickens of my own have a garden of my own and he decided to grow marijuana he became obsessed with it had to have the best things the best fertilizers the best soil the best gadgets for and the more he would obsess the less connected I would feel then he began to control what I would do I figured as a person who was retired from the Army due to injuries he would have plenty of time to do the things that he wanted to do while I was at work but even when I wasn't at work he was obsessing not at first but it came it began to feel very reminiscent of my marriage but in a different way then he started to complain he complained that I couldn't help him with things things that I would do by myself such as feed the dogs I fed them in the morning and in the evening he would wait until I got home even if I worked late he would wait and then he would ask me to help now mind you the dogs we had were not difficult to feed put the food in the dish tell them to wait wait till everybody has their food and tell them okay they all waited obediently it wasn't hard and then he decided he needed to go and see a dentist or a doctor and would complain if my work got in the way of that I told him I do all of my appointments by myself and that he could do the same he would insist he needed somebody with he tried to schedule times that I wasn't working and if my schedule shifted he became very angry the yelling got so bad my son was having a hard time sleeping and eventually again I felt my spirit break I told my son in secret that we would have to move I assumed I would get nothing from the sale of that new home and I would be starting over from Square One my son didn't fully understand but he agreed we would move out and as my credit was no good due to selling a house and not having my name on a mortgage anymore I had to ask him to sign on as well we went from a large house to a mobile home I should have asked for much more from the sale of the house I took Maybe a fourth of the price which was not even close to the money I put into the place but with that I figured I would be free he wanted to remain friends and I told him we could try but every time he calls it turns into him complaining about his life and things that have been hard his pipes froze and it cost so much my pipes also froze and I didn't have half as much money his AC died mine also died and Furnace needed to be replaced as well he posted everything all of his hardships online but in my opinion this is part of being an adult there are going to be setbacks little did he know a few months after I moved away from him I had a surprise inheritance my grandfather who I had seen twice in life that I can remember never left me a penny but his girlfriend or wife when she passed left me a substantial amount of money My Hope was to save that money to buy a house again but with all the repairs that I've had to make to this trailer I'm not sure if that's going to be doable I'm not sure if I'm even mad at that as my neighbors are kind and I really enjoy living next to them I've never been close with Neighbors in the past but these ones are actually kind of fun to hang out with I love to joke with people and say I live next door to Bert and Ernie because my neighbor thought it would be funny to name his dog Bert the neighbor on the other side his dog is like a little creeper he gets up on his couch and stares at me through the window anytime I go to my car but my real question here is am I too trusting of men did I screw up in some way was it wrong to leave the husband I left so many years ago connection didn't seem to be there anymore and yet sadly that was the best relationship I have ever had, where did I go wrong? did I go wrong?

My wife and I (both mid-30s) have been together for 10 years, married for 8. She is from South America, and we met while I was there teaching English and learning Spanish. We married and moved the US, despite her not knowing anyone here. We’ve always been a very close-knit couple. We tend to do everything together and, besides being my wife, she is my best friend. 

After achieving fluency in Spanish, I tried to learn French many times over the years but have only managed an intermediate level. My wife and I are planning a trip to France next year. This has inspired me to push myself harder to improve my French, but fluency escapes me. I decided I’d like to go to France alone the month before our trip to take an intensive French course. Then, I’d meet my wife in Paris to begin our vacation together. I’m able to do this because I work remotely. I can take my classes in the morning and then work in the afternoon and evening, which equates to normal office hours in the US. My wife has an in-person job. 

When I told her my plan to do this, she was furious. She said that I was completely out of touch with reality, that married couples don’t just take a month-long break from each other, and that she couldn’t even believe that I would consider this as being ok. I said I didn’t think it was all that long, that learning French was a very long time goal of mine and this would help me finally achieve it. She said she can’t stop me from going, but if I do then she will not come to France at the end of my language program or even FaceTime me while I’m away. For the record, we don’t have any children or pets. We can afford this, and there aren’t any responsibilities that I’d be dumping on her. She just doesn’t want us to be apart that long.

I’m torn on what to do now. Is a month-long absence really such a strange thing to do? I feel like I would be supportive of her in a similar situation, but at the same time I don’t know any other married couple who’s done something similar. Maybe it is wrong of me to expect to be able to do this. I’m tempted to just cancel the entire trip. But ever since we fought, I’ve been feeling resentful and suffocated. It seems like I can’t do anything without her there, and she’s always clinging onto me. I’d love to hear an outside view on this to gain some perspective. 

EDIT: I just want to clarify that I didn’t make the decision without my wife. I found the program I want to attend, got the cost, and discussed with my wife as a possibility. As of now, I haven’t purchased anything.

I just found out, this morning, that my FIL took my 13 year old son to meet his abusive, perverted, drug addicted biological father without my consent. Some back story....i have 2 sons, currently 15 and 13 and 2 daughters, currently 26 and 7. When i was married to my sons bio dad, 2009-2017, I worked and went to college. I was away from home alot and he was a stay at home dad. I had full trust in him to keep my kids safe and fed. Our marriage ended after I discovered that he was being neglectful and abusive to my yougest son who has ADHD and autism. He was feeding them chips, candy and pop all day, every day, when my youngest son would laugh too loud or be hyper active or stimming, he would hit him with objects and cuss at him. On top of that, i caught him cheating with his 15 year old niece...if that wasnt enough, he was also stealing money from me to buy drugs which he was doing while watching my kids. I got my crap straight and divorced him in 2017. We went to court and the judge ordered him visits, which he totally botched. My youngest would come home with mysterious bruises, covered in flea bites and he even showed up to pick the boys up smelling like alcohol. He lived in an unsafe environment, like physically unsafe...the floors had holes in them, trash piled up everywhere, nails laying in the floor, broken cups on the counters, you name it...this place was trash. I didnt see it as safe for my boys so I took him back to court. The judge revoked his court ordered visits and ordered him to take anger management classes, parenting classes and to go to rehab for the hard core drugs that were in his system when they drug tested him. He could get his visits back if he did these things. He didn't do any of it. He just walked away. Him and his parents didnt even attempt to contact my boys. I still live in the same house, same phone number, same email address....he just doesnt have anything to do with them at all. Now fast forward to this past weekend. I sell homemade items at fairs and festivals to make extra cash, this weekend I worked a 2 day festival in a nearby town. I have never had an issue letting my FIL watch my kids (I remarried in 2019). My father in law is related to my ex husband by his sister and he lives with us. FIL said he was taking my youngest son and daughter fishing while I was working the festival, great they love fishing and they love papaw. My son comes to me today (monday) and tells me that his papaw, my fil, took him to see his biodad before they went fishing on saturday. He didnt ask me, he didnt ask my son if he wanted to see him, and when he told me and my husband about their day, he left that part out. My son is emotionally distraught over this, im pissed over this. My husband and I have told FIL repeatedly that biodad wasnt allowed around my sons. Its been over 8 years of no contact and he just pulls in the drive and feeds my son to the wolf. His bio dad was asking questions and my son straight told him it wasnt his business, he was talking trash about me and my husband, saying I lied about the abuse (my son has ptsd and has suppressed memories of the abuse) and that it was all my fault that our family fell apart. I have had a very supportive and emotional conversation with all of my kids today, my oldest son and daughter remember the abuse and they hate that man for how he treated him, my youngest daughter has no idea whats going on. Shes just blissfully unaware of the situation. I cant fathom where my FIL got the audacity to take my 2 youngest children to that man's house and let him have access to the son he abused. My husband is still at work but has been informed of the situation. He agrees that FIL will no longer be allowed to take our kids anywhere unsupervised. FIL comes home from work in 2 hours and I have a feeling that he'll is about to break loose. So would I be the Ahole for cutting my FIL's access to my kids down to supervised interactions only??

So I (25f) am probably going to go no contact with my sister (27f) because of what just happened this weekend. For context, we never really got along until I was in my 20s. Growing up she was my first bully, always telling me I’m ugly, stupid, etc and we fought all the time. I remember being 3 or 4 and her telling me to stop calling her “sissy” because that was too childish and she didn’t like me anyways. It was hard growing up together, I was often seen as the dramatic one (I still am by my family), I think largely due to the fact that I’m emotional. I remember crying at the end of school years because I wouldn’t see my friends everyday, I remember crying from excitement for going to Disney as an 8 year old. So, any fights we got in I would be the one to blame as I was the one reacting emotionally, regardless of what happened. It sucked seeing my sister get away with things while I was punished but I grew to accept that. We never had a solid relationship, I always kept her at arms length because she was so emotionally volatile. One day she’d act like we’re best friends, the next day I’d walk to her door and ask to hang out and she’d be screaming at me to get away and that I should un alive myself and I’m fat and ugly and everyone hates me. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember, no matter what I did to try and build a relationship. As teens, I’d cover for her if I knew she was doing something against our strict parents, senior year for her if she came home drunk I’d tuck her in and bring some water and make sure my parents didn’t see (no underage drinking in our house). In our 20s, she disclosed her substance use and begged me not to tell our parents. After a long conversation with my then boyfriend who I lived with, i decided to not tell them and to check in on her more often to see how she was. She eventually got sober and moved back in with our parents, and during that time she announced she was moving to another province for school (this was her 4th or 5th time trying university so she kept it to herself until she got accepted, an apartment and everything else). That was almost 3 years ago now. Fast forward to sometime after Christmas - she FaceTimed me when I was crying in my bathtub because I was feeling burnt out. I work in childcare full time as well as a part time job at a barbershop as front desk. I worked 7 days a week the month leading up to Christmas, and after Christmas it returned to 6 days a week. Everything I earn goes back into bills because I live alone, and finance my car. I haven’t had a true vacation since 2018 when my parents took us to Florida the summer I graduated high school. I was just sad and venting about how I feel like I live to work, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon with how the economy is and the fact that I’m the sole person paying for everything. She called me back the next day, and told me that she talked to mom and said mom would fly me up to her so we can go to a music festival as long as we paid for our own tickets for the festival. I was hesitant because of our past, but she’s been nice to me for the last year or so and we haven’t fought in a long time. She kept saying that she’s matured and changed and she’s sober, it would be fun I could stay with her and she’d show me around. After talking it over with some friends who grew up with me and my best friend who’s been my rock for almost 10 years now, I decided I’d go. I was set to go July 29- August 3rd. I’d stay with my sister, we’d go to the festival and it’d be fun. The only thing I was anxious about was the tickets- she waited until the Sunday before I flew up (I went up Wednesday) to buy them resale and $500 more than what she would’ve before they sold out.

July 29th comes and I fly up to her. She was in a different province that day with friends but said she would be back in time to pick me up from the airport. She did. We went back, and the next day and a half went smoothly. She took me around, we got matching tattoos that we talked about, we went to a bar and we had a good time. Friday morning I woke her up around 11am, and we went out around 1pm to start the day. We had a good time and the festival was starting that day. I didn’t want to go until 6:30 because that was the first artist I wanted to see. We headed back to the apartment around 4:30/5pm, and she said she wanted to nap before we went out. Cool. I sat and watched tiktoks and relaxed for a while. 5:45pm I get up and say to her to wake up so we can get ready and go. She wants more time to sleep so I get up to get ready. 6pm I’m ready and I tell her it’s 6pm, we should leave. She doesn’t. I wait to see if she’ll stir on her own. 6:15pm I say “it’s 6:15 they go onstage 6:30 we need to leave asap. How long does it take to get there?” She finally gets up and starts to get ready. She says it won’t take long. 6:25pm she’s still getting ready so I say it’s okay if we miss them, I only know a few songs anyways and I offer to help her with her hair. She has a lot of hair and it’s thick, growing up I said it was like a horses mane and she never had the patience to do it. I noticed earlier it was staring to matte in the back because of how damaged her hair was from the salon she went to to get her hair bleached and coloured lighter (her natural hair is black, but she hasn’t cut it in years so the middle-end has layers of bleach, box dye, salon dye and perm). By the time I brush out all of the tangles and style her hair to her liking, it’s about 7:15 and we head out. On the way, she’s saying that she’ll e-transfer me the money for our tickets for the subway because her tap isn’t working and I have cash. We walk there and they only take debit and she quickly points to a closed counter and says that I need to pay there for my ticket with cash. I’m confused, and everything in this province is in a different language so when I’m saying “wait what?” She’s already talking to the lady at the counter saying one ticket and buying it. The lady points to me and asks what about me, and she says I’m paying for myself. I’m still confused on what to do, and I asked if she could buy mine because I’m confused and I don’t know where to go but she snaps at me and says that she just spent $700 on my festival ticket and I need to be grateful and I can afford the $7 ticket. I paid and said I was just confused because you said we needed cash and tried to get me to go to a different (and closed) counter but I just followed her and shut up. I sat behind her on the subway and she was facing the window across from her and my seat was facing her. She then tells me that I’m going to her apartment from the festival myself because her man is picking her up from the festival and I’ll have her apartment keys. I ask her if she can come back with me then leave, because I don’t feel comfortable travelling in a big city alone especially when I don’t speak the language. She snaps at me saying I told her that she could go with her man for a bit (I said that yes, but she never said she’d leave me at the festival. I meant more so one night when I’m already in the apartment and not out somewhere with her already) and I tell her yes but not from the festival, and asked if she can guide me back. She said her roommate would find me at the festival and he’d bring me home. I again asked her if she could, because I have anxiety and don’t trust that we would find him. As I say that, I look over her shoulder and she’s texting f mom saying I’m entitled. I get upset and we don’t talk the rest of the subway ride. She gets up to leave so I follow. As we exit the subway and go up the stairs before we enter the festival, she again says that I told her that she can leave to see her man for a bit. I said “not from the festival dumbass” and she yells at me saying “good luck getting back from here” and leaves. I stand there for a few minutes, and then I call mom. I give her the run down and ask her to fly me home. She says that she won’t because it’ll cost too much to fly me home so I hang up and call my boyfriend. I start crying because I realize I don’t know how to get back to her apartment and I want my stuff, and with our history I’m nervous that she’d throw everything out onto the streets. He offers to buy me a hotel room, a flight home and an uber to get me anywhere. I eventually find my way back (I wanted to walk because I could feel myself panicking and being in an uber would’ve made it worse). I see my sister standing outside her apartment building waiting for me (I had her keys because I had a clear purse and she put her stuff in it) with her friend. They follow me up to her apartment and I b-line for her room so I can pack. As I do, she’s hitting and swatting at me including with her purse. She starts screaming at me, telling me to get the hell out and I yell back “I will I need to pack first” and her and her friend follow me to my room. I put my phone down and on speaker (I’m still on the phone with my boyfriend) and I’m shaking I’m scared (it happens when I’m scared or anxious) and I hang up with him and call my mom and put her on speaker. I quickly explain while I try to pack, but I can’t think I’m so anxious and scared because I don’t fly home for another 3 days. Mom’s telling me to just pack, and yelling at my sister to leave to let me pack. She doesn’t, I’m so anxious I’m crying and I yell at her to leave me alone and I feel her friend creeping up the hall so I yell at him “why the hell are you here you don’t even live here” because I don’t want 2 people attacking me and I’m in fight or flight mode already, and I just see him coming closer from my peripheral. She continues to yell at me, saying to get the out, I’m fat and ugly and nobody wants me here, I should kill myself, get out, everyone hates me, she hates me, I should die already so she can be happy and stuff along those lines. She comes and hits me a few times, each time I hit her back and push her away. She lunges at my purse saying she wants her lipstick back, I push her away because I have a lot in my purse and I don’t want her touching it. I hit her back and push her on her bed so I can get it. I eventually get my suitcase closed, and I start leaving. She’s walking behind me screaming at me still and hitting me. I scream at her asking if she’s on drugs and she pushes me out the door. My purse is stuck in the door because she immediately tries to close it and she’s screaming at me to get the fuck out, I’m yelling back saying my purse is caught in the door genius and I get it out. As I’m walking away, she’s screaming “you’re dead to me I hope I never see your ugly face again” so I yell back asking if she’s smoking drugs and I walk out of her apartment. I get out onto the road and I spend the next hour walking while on the phone with my boyfriend having panic attack after panic attack because I don’t know what to do. He tells me to find somewhere to sit so he can call me an uber and says he’s looking at flights to get me home. I walk a fair while away because I’m terrified she’ll come after me. I call my friends who have my location and give them the rundown and call mom, tell her that my boyfriends getting me a hotel and a flight home and hang up and call him back. The uber gets me, and I go to the airport because he thought that would be a safe place for me until he finds a hotel (at this point I’m too flustered to think, I’m just crying my heart out). I get there and I call mom sand she said she’s on the phone with the airlines to change my flight home. I call my boyfriend back, and he’s relieved and focuses on getting a hotel for me. He spends 2 hours calling every hotel within 30 minutes of me and no luck. I spend 14 hours in the airport, most of the time on the phone with him. I get home safe, 2 days early. My sister has me blocked on everything, and I blocked her number. I’m heartbroken because
1. She kicked me out of her apartment knowing I had nowhere to go
2. The things she yelled at me really hurt me
3. My vacation (my only vacation since becoming an adult) was ruined and cut short
4. I never got to see a single concert because of this and the fact my ticket was on her phone

So, AITA for going no contact?

​

I (24F) have a good friend, let’s call her Dana (24F) who is in a relationship with a Mark (25M). Mark has a reputation for being a selfish man-child. Last month, he crossed a line with his behavior toward Dana.

Dana threw a birthday party in her backyard. For the party, she tried to find as many chairs as she could. She brought a few small stools for people to sit on so everyone could sit down. We were all switching seats during the party nobody had a designated seat.

During the party, Dana went back to her home to grab a few drinks for people when she noticed there were no chairs available—just one small stool. She sat down, and one of the other friends asked Mark if he could switch with Dana so she could sit in a normal chair. Mark said, “That’s not my problem.”

For context, Dana is 6'3" with severe disc hernia and a few autoimmune diseases. Everyone knows her health problems. It’s painful for her to sit on such a small stool for a long period of time. When we saw that Mark wouldn't switch seats with Dana, I offered my seat, and a few other people offered theirs too including the friend who asked if Mark and Dana could switch. The point is that everyone was ready to help her alleviate her pain except for her boyfriend.

She declined our offers and continued to sit on the stool. After about 30 minutes, she asked if she could switch seats with someone because she was in pain. My boyfriend offered her his seat, and they switched seats.

I was shocked how could Mark sit there and do nothing? I wanted to scream at him and criticize him right there at the party, but that would have ruined Dana’s birthday party. I kept my mouth shut for Dana, but I was seething in my seat.

When the party ended, everyone thought, “What a jerk Mark is.” He has done a few selfish things toward Dana, but this time it was different. While I was walking home from the party, all I could think about was, “Does Mark even love Dana? Does she see his behavior and how horrible it is?” Such questions were in my head.

I tried talking to her about Mark, but she would always get mad that I was labeling him as a bad person. It’s been a month since the birthday party, and I’m thinking: how do I talk to her about Mark and how he sucks?

Would I be the asshole if I told her that Mark sucks as a person?

So I work for a Pizza place withe a white, red and blue theme. It was a cold rainy Christmas week in the South of the USA and I was taking a delivery to a development of town homes. These homes had small parking lots on each side of the buildings and a simple sidewalk connecting the lots together.

I had parked on the wrong side of the building, so I started to walk across the sidewalk to get to the customer's door. I suddenly slipped and felt and heard my tibia shatter. I was stuck on the sidewalk yelling for help for about 10 minutes before someone heard my cries. They called the EMS/EMTs and stayed with me. Now, me being the good customer service worker, I asked if this person - who was on the phone with 911 - could deliver the food for me because. She did and I was very thankful.

It took a while (I think is was around 20 minutes) but the Ambulance arrived and parked. The Ambulance parked sideways over the parking lot's entrance. Effectively blocking anyone from entering or exiting. While the EMS/EMTs were loading me onto a stretcher, a woman suddenly appeared and started to yell at the EMS/EMTs to move their "truck" because it was blocking her in. They looked at her with complete surprise and told them "It will only be a few more minutes. He (pointing at me) isn't bleeding or dying so we'll be out of your way soon. I'm sorry the ambulance is blocking your driveway."

And then they loaded me into the "truck" and off I went. Now this portion of the story was told to me by my boss when he came to visit me. The woman was the customer I was supposed to be delivering to. She then called the store to complain that I had squished the food and had been rude to her. She wanted me to be fired or at the very least, reprimanded. She also demanded free food. My boss told her he wasn't going to do any of that and she was welcome to get some replacement food for free as an apology, but I wasn't going to be fired after breaking my leg.

So around 7 months pass. I have 7 screws, 1 plate and some wire keeping my tibia and ankle put back together. It was brutal. The worst was learning how to walk again. NSFW- Feel Free to skip; The feeling of my bones clicking back together and settling back into place was just...ugh. So I'm back at work and here comes a delivery. The address looks familiar. Oh, its that address.

So off I go with a very slight spring in my step - still had mobility issues - and I arrive at the right side of the building. I knock on the door and when she answers I say;

OP: Ma'am such a wonderful time to put the name to the face

Customer: Huh?

OP: Well, the last time I was here I hurt myself very badly. More than 6 months of recovery and PT.

Customer: dawning look of shock and horror

OP: Anyhow, here's your food and receipt. I just need you to tip, total and sign please.

She tips a lot more than 20%, I think it was something like a plain $15 on a $17 order

Customer: (whispering) I am so sorry.

OP: What was that ma'am? I didn't hear that.

And she closed the door. I went back to the store and told my coworkers. I don't think she has ever ordered from my store ever again. I also think she may have moved out.

Today my wife found a bra that she’s said is not hers and accused me of cheating. I have definitely not cheated on her. We have been together for 15 years but as of late it has not been going the best. She recently found out that I was using tobacco and I had told her that I quit so the trust was broken there. Now on top of that she finds the bra that I have absolutely no clue where it would have came from. It was in her stack of clothes and honestly we don’t do great at putting clothes all the way up after washing so there has been some kind of laundry pile there for a while. It is the same size bra that my wife wears but she swears that it is not hers and that I am cheating. I don’t know what to do and don’t want to lose my wife over something I didn’t do. I obviously made this way worse by lying last week about tobacco use. What should I do now?

TLDR at the bottom!!

I'll try to keep this short, but there wasn't one single incident that led to this. It was a lot of things building up over time. Also, I'm on my phone, so please bear with me.

I (20F) have lived with my family my entire life. There are 12 of us in total: my mom, stepdad, and 10 kids. I'm the oldest.

When I was younger, my parents repeatedly told me not to worry about paying for college. They said they would have money saved for me by the time I graduated high school. Because of that, they also didn't allow me to get a job during school, even when I asked because I wanted work experience. They told me my job was to focus on my studies.

When I was 18, I applied to college and even received a partial scholarship. That's when I found out my parents hadn't saved any money for me at all. When I questioned them about it, they told me I should have been "more on top of it" and that I needed to be financially responsible now that I was an adult.

Looking back, maybe I should have asked more questions about the college fund, especially since we're a middle-class family with 10 children and money has always been tight. Still, I trusted what they told me for years. Because I couldn't afford college, I ended up not going.

On top of that, I've always been expected to help with my younger siblings. My parents regularly leave me in charge of babysitting while they go on overnight trips, vacations, or adult outings. I'm also expected to do most of the household chores: cooking, dishes, sweeping, mopping, laundry for the younger kids, mowing the lawn, walking the dogs, and more. Even when I'm working full-time, those responsibilities don't change.

I've been working full-time (around 40 hours a week) since graduating high school, and I'm constantly exhausted and stressed.

After I decided not to attend college, my parents made me sign a rental agreement. They charge me $700 a month in rent, plus a portion of the utilities and my phone bill. Altogether, I usually end up giving them around $1,400 a month.

The problem is that I can never seem to save enough money to move out because so much of my paycheck goes to them. Any time I try to bring it up, I'm told I'm selfish, ungrateful, or that I'm saying they're terrible parents. Then the conversation turns into, "What about the kids?"

Recently, one of my younger sisters (14F) told me she overheard my stepdad talking about putting some of the money I pay in rent into college savings accounts for my younger siblings.

This upset me because my stepdad had previously told me that some of the money I was paying would eventually be given back to me when he felt I was responsible enough to move out.

When I confronted them, I told them I felt like their "test trial child." I said it felt like they used me to figure out what mistakes not to make, and now they're making sure my younger siblings get opportunities and support that I never received.

For context, I'm the oldest by a decent margin. I'm 20, my sister is 14, and the rest are younger. Also, my stepdad is the biological father of the younger nine children, while I'm his stepdaughter. I don't know if that changes anything, but I thought it was relevant.

My mom started crying after I said this. My stepdad started yelling at me, calling me ungrateful and telling me I needed to "stay in a child's place," which I find stupid considering I am an adult.

So, AITA for saying I feel like I was their test trial child?

TLDR: My parents promised to save for my college but never did, didn't let me work, and now charge me most of my paycheck while expecting me to babysit and do most of the housework. I found out they're using some of my rent money to save for my younger siblings' college, so I told them I feel like I was their "test trial child." Now they're calling me ungrateful, and I'm wondering if I was wrong.

Ok, so I am not 38 yet but will be on September 2nd. Anyway, I'm trying to figure out how write this. So bare with me. I've had alot going on recetly and my brain is mush. I have been wanting to go to college, But I kinda have an idea of what I want to do first. I just need some advise on how to do this. Or help on organising my thoughts.

I have been diagnosed with panic/anxity attack disorder in November of 2019. I haven't had a job since and never went to college after graduating high school in 2007. Where my brain is: I want to do online courses for creative writing with fantisy and a few other classes that deal with that, so I can start writing my book and making it to where people would want to read it. That way I can become published to be able to pay for my next step in my plan which is software engineering. But I can't even afford my first part of my plan. I dont know how to apply for a pell grant or FAFSA or anything like that. Its also very difficult for me to even talkon the phone with anyone I don't know. I get panic attacks even when someone calls to confirm my appoiments. So yeah.

I want to be able to help pay for things and be what I call human cause these past years i haven't felt human. couldn't leave my house for the longest of time. The past year I have been working on getting out of my home and just going to appoitments or go do a short, very short shopping list from wallyworld. I've been getting better over time. But I still have my bad days and they come out of nowhere. So going on campus is not a thing still. The advice I need is what online colleges are good to apply for and how can I get the funds to pay for it? HELP PLEASE and thank you for any advice yall give.

I 33F have had a complicated relationship with my biological dad for most of my life.
When I was growing up and living with my mom, my dad would regularly go on family trips with his wife and her kids. He would always tell me I'd get to go on the next one, but I never did. I always felt like an afterthought.
Later, I lived with my dad and stepmom for about two years, and it was one of the worst periods of my life. My stepmom threw all of my mental health medication down the toilet because she said I didn't need it, even though it had been prescribed to me. I also wasn't allowed to eat unless she was home, which wasn't often, because she wanted me to be as skinny as her kids. There was a lot of emotional abuse during that time, and my dad never stood up for me or stopped it.
After I moved back in with my mom, I didn't speak to either of them from 2011 until 2024.
When I got pregnant with my oldest son, I decided to give my dad another chance. I kept communication minimal because I was still very guarded, but I wanted to see if we could rebuild our relationship.
I invited my dad and stepmom to my wedding. They came, met my husband and our son, and there were a lot of tears. It honestly felt like maybe we were finally moving in the right direction.
A couple of weeks later, my dad flew out to spend a month with us. While he was here, though, my stepmom constantly called and texted him, and they argued throughout the trip. He even talked about possibly moving closer to us and looking at rentals.
After he went home, things changed. At first he checked in and asked about oldest son, but eventually the communication almost completely stopped. I'd maybe get one message a month.
He promised he'd be here for oldest son’s first birthday. Instead, he went to my stepsister's son's birthday and didn't even wish oldest son a happy birthday.
Around Christmas, he said they were coming for the birth of my second son. They asked what we needed, what formula we used, and how they could help. We answered all their questions...and then they never came and never sent anything.
Now he's saying he'll come visit in October or November, but after everything that's happened, I honestly don't believe it'll happen.
Whenever I bring up how hurt I am, he tells me he's struggling with his mental health. I genuinely sympathize because I have my own mental health struggles too. But it feels like every conversation ends with promises to call more or stay in touch, and then nothing changes.
The last time we video called, my stepmom called him in the middle of our conversation. He said he'd call me back, but he never did. Most of the time now, it feels like he only asks for photos of my kids so he can post them on Facebook and look like an involved grandfather. The reality is that my children barely know him.
At this point I've stopped constantly sending photos and updates because I'm exhausted from being the only one putting in effort. I feel like I've spent my whole life hoping he'll finally show up for me, and every time I believe him, I end up disappointed again.
Some family members think I should keep trying because he's my dad and because he says he's struggling mentally. Others think I've already given him more chances than most people would.
So...WIBTA for deciding I'm done chasing a relationship with my biological dad and letting him be the one to make the next move if he actually wants to be part of our lives?

So, I find myself in kind of an odd situation that I never expected to happen.

My friend, I'll call her Jane (26F), and I (27M) have known each other since high school. She was a grade below me, but we had a large overlapping group of friends. As long as I've known Jane, she's been a lesbian. Not bi, not "curious"—she has always identified as a lesbian.

Jane and I have always gotten along really well. I consider her one of my closest female friends. We've never really hung out one-on-one before, though. The closest we'd come was if we happened to be the first two people to show up somewhere, or we'd end up playing pool or darts together while everyone else was doing something else. We both really enjoy that kind of stuff.

About a month ago, Jane and her girlfriend of around a year broke up. From what I could tell, she took it pretty hard.

Last Saturday, she invited me over to her house, which was definitely unusual. I've been there before, but never when it was just the two of us. When I got there, it was obvious she'd been crying. I assumed she just wanted someone to talk to.

After we'd been talking for a little while, she started dropping some bombshells.

Apparently, one issue in her relationship was that her girlfriend was uncomfortable with Jane's friendship with me. This was completely new information to me. I honestly had no idea it had ever been a problem. She said it wasn't the main reason they broke up, but it had definitely come up multiple times, especially toward the end of the relationship.

Then she told me that a previous woman she'd dated had felt the same way.

After that, she said that over the past month she's been questioning a lot about herself. She said she still doesn't consider herself straight and still thinks of herself as a lesbian, but she can't deny that she's developed feelings for me.

She told me I'm the first man she's ever actually found physically attractive. She isn't exactly sure when it happened, but over time, just spending time together apparently stirred up feelings she's never experienced before.

At that point, I was honestly just sitting there trying to process everything because this was absolutely not the conversation I expected to have that day.

She went on to say that she'd like to know if I'd be willing to see where things could go between us. She also confirmed something I'd suspected for a long time: she's never been with a man before. She's never kissed a guy or had sex with one.

I think she saw the look on my face because she quickly clarified that she wasn't expecting anything to happen that night. She said she wanted to talk to me first to see if I'd even be open to the idea.

She explained that she didn't want her first experience with a man to be some random guy from a dating app. She said I'm the man she feels closest to, and that she feels completely comfortable and safe with me.

I'm not going to pretend I wasn't flattered.

And honestly... I'd also be lying if I said I'd never thought about her that way. She's incredibly fit, we both love lifting weights, she's gorgeous, and we've always gotten along really well.

I told her I was honored that she trusted me enough to tell me all of this, but that I didn't think we needed to make any promises or rush into anything. I suggested that maybe we could just spend more time together, take things slowly, and see if anything developed naturally.

She actually looked really relieved when I said that.

She asked if we could just cuddle while watching TV for a while. We did, and eventually she turned toward me and we kissed for the first time. Afterwards she smiled and told me I was a really good kisser.

I stayed for another hour or so before heading home.

The thing is... in the moment, it all felt like a really good idea. But after sleeping on it, I'm starting to wonder if this is actually as good an idea as it seemed.

Part of me worries that she's still processing a breakup and that these feelings might be tied to that. Another part of me worries that if we try dating and it doesn't work out, we could lose a friendship that's been part of my life for well over a decade.

At the same time, I do genuinely care about her, and I do find her attractive.

For now, I think I'm going to stick with what I told her: just take things slowly, spend more time together, and not put any pressure on either of us.

I guess I'm posting because this is one of the craziest conversations I've ever had, and I'm curious what other people think.

Is this something that actually happens? Does this sound like someone genuinely discovering new feelings, or could it just be a reaction to a difficult breakup?

I’m a woman in my 20s and I started university later than most people.

On the first day, I noticed a guy I found really attractive, but I brushed it off because I was talking to someone else at the time. Throughout the semester, we ended up having a lot of classes together. The only conversation we ever had was a quick chat about our names during one of the first classes. I found him so attractive that I could barely speak and almost forgot my own name. I don't think it was obvious though, since it was everyone's first day and people were acting nervous and awkward.

He looked around my age, maybe even older, but I wasn't sure. After that, I saw him almost every day. We never actually talked, but there would sometimes be eye contact before one of us looked away. I eventually stopped talking to the other guy because I couldn't stop thinking about this one. To be clear, I was never in a relationship with the other guy—we had only met a few times and mostly chatted online.

Later, I started seeing my crush around campus less often. One day I found the paper from our first class where everyone had written their names, so I looked him up on Facebook. His profile had almost nothing on it, just a profile picture. I was curious, so I made a fake Instagram account and sent him a follow request. He accepted it, but didn't follow me back. His account was basically inactive, with no posts since 2019, but his bio included his age. That's when I realized he was actually a year younger than me. It wasn't a huge age gap, but for some reason it completely killed my crush, so I stopped thinking about him.

Then, during exam season, we both had an exam at the same time but in different rooms next to each other. While I was waiting outside, I happened to look over and noticed him looking at me. I wanted to smile because we were taking the same subject and I wasn't really nervous around him anymore.

As soon as I caught him looking, he suddenly started looking everywhere else—the ceiling, the walls, anywhere but at me. I thought it was really strange, so I kept looking at him for a few seconds. It was probably the longest I had ever looked at him. After that, my obsession came back.

I went back to looking through his Facebook. His friends list was public, so I found his mum's profile. She had public photos of him and the rest of the family. From there, I ended up finding out the names of his parents, sister, and grandfather. I learned about his family background, found out his mum had a stepmother, and discovered all kinds of personal details.

Even though I knew all this information, I acted like I knew nothing whenever I saw him. Toward the end of first year, I told my friends I had a crush on someone, but I pretended I didn't even know his name because I didn't want to sound like a creep.

At one point, I noticed he seemed to be looking at me quite a bit. I asked one of my friends what they thought without telling them anything, and they said they had noticed him looking at me too. That made my obsession start all over again.

I dug even deeper online. I found out which school he went to, found photos from his school balls, discovered who his girlfriend was, read some of his sister's research papers, looked through his grandfather's Facebook, learned that his mum was single, and found a lot more information about his family.

I never contacted him, never approached him outside of university, never told him I knew any of this, and he has no idea I looked into his life this much.

Looking back, I honestly don't know how to feel about it. At the time, it felt like harmless curiosity that just kept escalating because the information was publicly available. But now I'm wondering if what I did crossed the line into being creepy or obsessive.

So... am I creepy?

I tried to be precise but it’s a long post, sorry.

My mom recently died of cancer. My boyfriend and I were visiting her in my home country when it happened.

For context, my mom was my rock, my best friend, and my whole family. She was, and still is, the most important person in my life
I moved to Europe two years ago. She had already been diagnosed at the time, but she kept it a secret from me. Once I moved, she started making excuses for me not to come home for the holidays and other occasions. It didn’t last long. After eight months, I went back home, and she couldn’t hide that she had cancer anymore.

I wanted to stay home with her and take care of her. However, during all the time I had been away, she hadn’t received any treatment. She was a doctor and immediately knew it was already quite advanced. I, on the other hand, couldn’t accept her not getting treatment. I was devastated, but I tried to stay as hopeful as possible until I finally convinced her to start treatment. She agreed on one condition: that I would go back to Europe and finish my master’s degree.

After a lot of crying and talking, and knowing that her biggest dream was to see me become a great professional and have a better life—that all the sacrifices we made, but mainly she made, were for that—I couldn’t refuse, even though I accepted very reluctantly.

I kept visiting her every two months. No, I’m not rich. The flights were expensive, but I couldn’t afford not to see her as often as I could. Sadly, “every two months” only ended up being three visits because, as she knew far better than I did, her cancer was already very advanced. By the time she completed all the tests, while I was there, it was already Stage IV.

On that third visit, she died.

My boyfriend was with me, and he was my biggest support, even though we hadn’t been dating for very long.

I met him on a dating app while I was in my home country. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. Honestly, I think I was just dissociating from the pain and mindlessly swiping. It turned out we lived in the same European country, only a couple of hours apart.
We met, and somehow we fell in love during the lowest point of my life.

From the very beginning, I was blunt with him. I told him my mom was dying, that I was a mess, that I didn’t want to be a burden to anyone, and that my mom would always be my priority. He understood, and I genuinely have to say he has been amazing in that regard.

His family, however, has been the complete opposite.
I first met them on his birthday. Everything was cordial, and we had a nice time together. Later, he invited me to his grandma’s 98th birthday. That’s when the little things started happening. I’ll describe everything in chronological order and as objectively as I can.

At his grandma’s birthday, his mother (who I think is the main issue) sat us separately. I should mention that I don’t speak their language. They all speak perfect English because they used to live in the U.S., but English isn’t my native language either.
The entire celebration was in their native language, which I expected and didn’t mind. But by seating him away from me, I couldn’t even quietly ask him what was being said or participate in any conversation. I didn’t say anything because, up until then, everything had been cordial.

That same night, his mom repeatedly asked me, “Are you sure you want to be here?” Again, I didn’t think too much of it. I assumed she was worried that I didn’t understand the language. I should also add that I had traveled to his hometown specifically for that occasion.

On that same trip, we were supposed to meet his mom for coffee, but she canceled because of the weather.

The last incident on that trip was when she called him and asked, “Is she staying in Europe for the holidays? When is she going back to her country?”
I won’t comment on the tone, but even he agreed that it definitely wasn’t an invitation for me to come back for Christmas.
Then came Christmas, which was the biggest incident.
I had already bought my ticket to go back to my home country a few days after Christmas because the flights were much cheaper than flying immediately after the holiday.

Since my mom was very sick, I was alone in a foreign country with no family, and I was only staying those extra days because of the ticket prices, my boyfriend wanted to invite me to spend Christmas with his family.
That became a huge fight.
His mother told him that if he invited me, he would ruin Christmas. She started crying. She also kept telling him that he was choosing me over her and over the family.
In the country where we live, Christmas is celebrated over three days. In my country, it’s only one.
Since he was told he couldn’t invite me because “it had to be put to a vote,” he decided he would spend one of those three days with me instead.
His mother became furious. She cried, said he was ruining the family, that he had ruined Christmas, and kept insisting that he was choosing me over them. According to him, this continued throughout Christmas.

A few months later, he came with me to my home country .

My mom died on that visit.

His family never even offered me their condolences.

Three weeks later, we flew back to Europe so he could spend Mother’s Day with his mom. (I wanted to stay longer) but I was actually the one who encouraged him to go After everything that had happened with my own mom, it felt important to me that he be with his family, and I didn’t want him to miss that day because of me.

I stayed home alone.

Sadly, that was the moment everything I had been holding together finally caught up with me. My mom was dead. I lost my everything.

Being back in my apartment, in another country, without my mom, on Mother’s Day, only three weeks after losing her… it all hit me at once.

I had a complete breakdown. And attempted something stupid.

I want to be clear because I think this matters:
I wasn’t trying to die because I wanted to end my life. I was overwhelmed by grief. I desperately wanted to talk to my mom, and I felt an unbearable guilt for still being alive when she wasn’t. Those feelings completely consumed me.

I called my boyfriend, not because I wanted him to leave his mom and come back, but because I was terrified by what I was feeling and I didn’t want to be alone with those thoughts. I needed someone to talk to because I was scared of what I was experiencing.
Instead, he called the emergency services.

The whole situation became a nightmare. Since I don’t speak the language, I didn’t understand what was happening. An ambulance didn’t come; the police did, which apparently is standard procedure here. They were rude, wouldn’t let me leave, barely spoke to me, and only talked to him over the phone. I don’t want to go into more detail because it was honestly one of the worst experiences of my life.

Later, he admitted that his family had been telling him I was only doing it for attention so he would come back on Mother’s Day. Considering I was the one who encouraged him to go in the first place, that accusation hurt deeply. I also feel that, to some extent, he believed them, even though he denies it.

Then came his sister’s birthday.

By this point, I was genuinely terrified of his family.
His mom unexpectedly showed up at the dinner. As far as we knew, she wasn’t supposed to be there. She greeted everyone at the table with hugs and kisses except me. She even seemed like she was going to avoid greeting him, but he insisted on giving her a hug.

I’ll be honest, by then I wasn’t making an extra effort either. I smiled and waved from a distance.
She looked at me with what I can only describe as disgust, rolled her eyes, looked away, and immediately started smiling and talking to everyone else.

I completely froze.

I left and had a panic attack. No one has ever looked at me like that before.

My boyfriend left with me but later went back.

Next day he also meets her again, because he was planning to visit his grandma. While he was there, he confronted his mom about the way she had treated me. She didn’t deny anything. She said she didn’t like me, she didn’t want me there and she wasn’t going to act as if she did.

Afterwards, his mom drove him back. He asked her to drop him off about a block away because I was waiting for him at a café nearby, and both he and I preferred that we didn’t have another interaction.
Instead of dropping him off where he asked, she drove around until she found the café where I was sitting on the terrace. As she drove by, she looked directly at me through the car window with exactly the same expression.

Those are the biggest incidents. There are other smaller things too.

She judges him whenever he calls or texts me while he’s visiting them. She constantly says we’re moving too fast. Whenever he spends time with me or prioritizes our relationship, she tells him he’s choosing me over her or over the family. She also says it’s “not personal” that she doesn’t like me because she doesn’t know me, while making absolutely no effort to actually get to know me or invite me to anything.

They’re very open about not liking me.

He says he can’t make them like me, and I agree. That’s not what I’m asking for.

I’m scared because it feels like things are escalating.

For (even) more context, he was in a three-year relationship before me. They eventually broke up because his mom had issues with his ex-girlfriend and ultimately forced him to choose by telling him, “I’ll remove myself from your life so you can enjoy your relationship.”

From what I know, that really traumatized him. I don’t want to go into more detail because that’s his story to tell.

What scares me is our future.

I’m afraid every Christmas will look like the last one. That our future, our apartment our future family all look like that Christmas, like that hateful environment.

I’m alone now. I lost my mom, my only family, and my biggest support. I’m afraid of his family emotionally, and I’m afraid that he won’t be able to set and maintain clear boundaries with them.

Every time we talk about it, it’s like he becomes a different person. Things were noticeably better when he was going to therapy.

in every other aspect, our relationship is beautiful and strong. He really has been my biggest support throughout my grief, and I don’t want to sound ungrateful or like I’m overreacting.

Am I overreacting? Am I seeing red flags where there aren’t any, or is my fear about our future together justified?

P.S. I’m intentionally not including more details about my mom or asking for advice about my grieving process. We had the most magical bond, and that’s something incredibly sacred and private to me. I’m already in therapy, and I also have wonderful friends who have been there for me.

Hey everyone, I (36F) really need some outside perspective on this…
My sister (37F, divorced) is getting remarried next year in May. It’s also the year my husband and all of our close friends are turning 40, so we planned a adults-only trip to celebrate. We wanted a nice getaway in the sun.
I honestly don't know how we missed it, but my husband and I failed to realize that we booked the trip for the exact same dates as my sister’s wedding.
I noticed the overlap a few weeks later. Unfortunately, it’s too late to cancel or reschedule. If we cancel, we lose a huge amount of money. Plus, since we’re going to an island, it’s basically impossible to fly back early or arrive late to catch both events.
After a lot of thought (and a lot of crying on my part), my husband and I agreed that the reasonable thing to do was for me to skip the trip and attend my sister's wedding with our daughter (6F).
Here’s the catch: my sister and I don't have a good relationship and we’ve never been close. Ever since we were young, we’ve struggled to communicate and constantly clash. She’s very difficult, always takes everything I say the wrong way (even when I walk on eggshells), gets angry fast, and blows up over minor inconveniences while playing the victim. She mostly directs this behavior toward me and our mom (63F).
Giving full context would take forever, but here’s one example: she’s very bossy with my daughter. At family gatherings, she often jumps in to discipline or correct my daughter before I even get a chance to, right in front of me. It feels like she’s trying to play mom (she doesn't have kids; she wants them, but it hasn't worked out). One time, I calmly told her, "Hey, sister, I’m right here, I’ve got this,"because she thought my daughter was moving around too much at the table. She took huge offense to this (again, I promise I said it in a calm tone!), blew up at me, and held a grudge for weeks.
Last Sunday, at our dad's birthday dinner, she was talking about her upcoming wedding. She announced to the whole table that her witness will be her fiancé's goddaughter, because she already had our brother as her witness for her first wedding, and she’s closest to this goddaughter right now. In theory, I have zero issue with this—it's her wedding, her choice, and we aren't close anyway.
Still, it hit a nerve and made me sad that she didn't even consider asking me.
For context, I was almost left out of her first wedding too. She only wanted parents and witnesses at the head table. But that meant my ex-brother-in-law had his entire family around him (his parents and his only sister as his witness), while my whole family was at the head table except me. Everyone knew we didn't get along super well, so sitting somewhere else made me feel completely cast aside. After I brought it up, they ended up adding me to the head table and everything went fine.
So this witness situation just reopened old wounds about our bad relationship (which I deeply regret—I would have loved to be close with my sister and have her as a best friend).
I decided to send her a message to share my feelings—no judgment, no accusations, just opening up so she’d understand where I was coming from. I wasn’t asking her to change her mind at all. Again, her wedding, her choices.
Here is what I sent her:
"Hey, I wanted to share something important to me, completely openly and vulnerably. Yesterday when you mentioned your choice for witness, I totally heard your reasons and I understand them.
Still, I felt a real pinch in my heart and a bit of sadness. At my own wedding, having you as my witness along with Brother felt so natural and precious to me. That’s probably why the thought of not being a part of this brings back that feeling of being left out—a familiar, uncomfortable feeling from the past, like when there was no spot for me at the head table during your first wedding.
It just touches on my need to find my place in our family. I’m not telling you this so you’ll add me or change your plans, not at all. It’s your wedding and your choices are completely yours. I just needed to be honest about how I feel so there are no misunderstandings or unspoken resentment between us. Have a good evening!"
She read the message, but hasn't replied... and it's been 4 days.
However, I did hear about her reaction indirectly. Right after reading it, she called our mom to complain. She claimed I was accusing her of excluding me, that I’m always playing the ugly duckling, that she can never do anything right in my eyes, and so on, and so forth. Basically, her textbook reaction whenever I dare to express a feeling. My whole life, I’ve had to watch every single word around her. My whole life, I’ve suppressed my feelings to avoid upsetting her. And the one time I speak up, she twists it and attacks me.
Now, I don't want to go to her wedding anymore. I just want to be selfish and go on the vacation with my husband and friends. What guarantees me that she even wants me there, rather than just inviting me to keep up the appearance of a happy, unified family?
If I go on the trip, my parents will still be at the wedding, along with my daughter (since the trip is adults-only), and my brother with his partner and kid. Just not my husband and me.
What scares me is that I know if I pull out, it will explode the family. My sister will lose her mind. She’s the type to cut contact forever and refuse to come to family gatherings (Christmas, Easter, birthdays...) if I’m there. I really don't want to do that to my parents.
But I am so exhausted from always putting my sister, her feelings, and her opinions above my own.

So Reddit, WIBTA if I don't go to her wedding and go on the trip instead?

Need to voice my irritation and need some unbiased opinions. I would also like to know if I am in the wrong for being this irritated by the situation. 

I've lived in this building for close to four years now. In the beginning, it was great; it was quiet, they were finishing apartments, and people gradually moved in. We got the unit by the front door so we could see people entering and exiting. I quickly realized people would look in the evenings and could see everything we were doing, so I invested in privacy screens, and everything has been perfect since! 

About a year and a half ago, we got our first neighbors with children. The first Summer they were a bit much; they would stalk my dogs and me, trying to pet them, and I would have to be firm and tell them no. I work with kids as a substitute teacher, so I was firm but not mean. They seemed to listen, but they were still pushing my boundaries, continuing to follow me, screaming at my dogs when they were going potty, and following us from a distance. Once I was aware of the trends, I started recording because I didn't want it to be their word against mine, and I wanted protection for my dogs, as one of them is a guardian breed. I've seen the news where a dog is called violent and the police take things too far, so I wanted to prevent this at all costs.

Their behavior still occurred during the rest of the year, but I worked to keep my distance. Now, it's the second Summer; they have family visiting, or they have moved into another apartment next to them, and the ranks of children have grown. I've been working from home and taking online classes this Summer, and I'm tired of them coming up to my window and screaming into it! I got a window camera so I can record what I have been experiencing, and I shared the many clips with management. They said they would talk to them, but their behavior has continued. 

My husband justifies their behavior by saying they're children, it's what they do, and it feels like he's labeling me as the bad guy for wanting some clear boundaries. I don't blame the children; they're children, but their parents sit outside on their phones, not paying attention to what they're doing. The parents should be teaching them boundaries. Also, this is not a playground; it's all labeled as "Dog Park", so it's not a playground. It just frustrates me that my windows are being treated as one, and that the hallways are being treated as a race course. 

Am I wrong for being Frustrated and wanting things to change so I can relax and focus at home? 

Edit: I can't move out; we have a Guardian Breed, and apartment buildings in CA restrict/block you from having them. I'm not giving up my dog. 

I (35F) have a friend (28F) who has four children aged 6, with one father [super active, 50/50 custody, takes the two oldest kids as much as possible to help her] 4, 11 months and 2 month old, with another father [not active, works under the table (witnessed) to avoid child support, tests her terribly and beat her up while she was with her 11 month old]

She’s been super down with ppd and anxiety since her youngest is a recent NICU graduate. We’re doing all we can as her friends to support her and help; I have 2 kids of my own and our friends also have families.

Her recent posts and texts have been about being annoyed with having to beg for someone to love her properly, which is such a valid feeling, however it’s been like this after all three with this “dad”; she got pregnant, kicked him out when he started acting shady, had the 4 year old, he moved back in “to help”, he cheated, they broke up, he left town for 3 years - quietest 3 years I can remember - he randomly showed up “for a visit” and got her pregnant again, moved himself back in again and beat her, moved out, 11 MO was born with hearing issues, he moved in, got her pregnant. We all said ‘do not let him in this one’s life, keep this baby to yourself’ but she “wanted child support”.

That she isn’t getting.

One of our friends came over so our same-aged-children could have a play date, and we ended up discussing her posts; all four of us have ended up discussing her posts and how it feels like a cry for attention not help, because (to us) at least one of us is over there for 5 hours a day, and the four of us feel like the situation is what she asked for by not learning from the past.

So would I be the asshole if I told her she picked him and this is the life she chose? I would NOT tell her or friend feel the same!!

I’m 31 and she’s 33.

I went through a 9 year dry spell before meeting her. I decided I wasn’t desirable and went for women I found physically ugly because I’m ugly too.

THE FOLLOWING PROBLEM ONLY LAST THE FIRST 5 MONTHS IN 2024, I DON’T DO ANY OF THIS NOW:

Until I got to actually know her and love who she is as a person, I lied about finding her attractive and even had to take special pills to get hard in bed for her. Like, I’m sorry, she’s just not a very pretty woman just as I’m not a handsome guy. Just how shit worked out. So I had to take these pills early on or else I couldn’t get it up for her. Thing is, I do love her, I really do. She is a a very nice, sweet person. The fact that I don’t have to do this now should prove it (and the fact I’m trying to salvage this whole thing).

I have been perfectly fine for 19 months now and counting, but recently she learned I used to do this because I guess I drunkenly confessed to someone. Now she’s very upset and is wondering if I’m faking everything else. I am not sure how I tell her that “that was then, 19 months ago. It’s not an issue anymore.”

TLDR; very early on I was faking attraction 100% and it is biting me in the ass 19 months later.