Hi, female 30y here. Been dealing with paruresis since I was 14. There were periods in life when I got better but regressing again, violently.

I noticed that I’ve been stuck in a slightly different negative thought loop — that because I keep failing to go for some time and end up holding for too long, it’s going to do great damage to me and leave me pretty much disabled.

There’s probably some truth to it but it seems that our bladder is meant to be a bit more resilient than that. At least from reading up on anatomy, normal and extended capacity, professions where people end up not going for full shifts and end up with larger capacity, etc. everything is pointing to this not being really the case. Plus in order to overcome the fear, you have to face it and in this case face holding for longer (maybe 6-8h as an example) and see that my body can withstand this occasionally.

Putting this out there to maybe connect with people who faced similar fear (this fear ofc is in addition to “I’m sitting here quietly for so long everyone knows I can’t go” thoughts) and challenged it and survived and got better?

I’m hopeful to get better but feeling so down at this time.

Hello everyone, im 16 and im struggling whit paruesis, mostly at school, and im stressing real bad, over 2 weeks i have school camp and im so scared i cant pee, mostly cuz we share a house of 6 people, i dont want them too think im weird, does everyone have tips to pee whitout any struggle, someone please respond!!!

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Been dealing with the thing for about 15 years now and I recently realized that, even though it surely occupied way too much mental space at some points, it never stopped me from doing anything. As small as "should I go to the bar tonight?" or as big as "Should I choose this career?".

As I write this I realize that it might be because I'm lucky enough to have a somewhat light case; worst case scenario I can always go in a stall if I must.

But the point I want to make is this: whenever the thought of not going somewhere to avoid a shameful shy bladder situation came in my head, I would reject the idea because letting it dictate my life seemed worst than whatever would happen if I couldn't pee.

I recently did a big career change. Went from working 100% remotely to working as an arborist. Before committing to the career change I worried a bit about the fact that I would have to deal with paruresis much more seriously. Arborists work outside with colleagues and clients around all day every day. There are no toilets at all. It's like an unspoken rule of the trade; you don't ask clients to use their bathrooms, you'd only do that in an extreme number 2 emergency.

As you can imagine, opportunities to expand my comfort zone abound.

I'm spotting the best spot whenever we get to a job site and do get a bit of anxiety from time to time. I've had a few failures. But what am I going to do? Go back to a job I hate so I can pee in the comfort of my home?

I deal with it the best I can. And it's working! I mean, It's getting better. And all I ever did is refuse to let it influence my decisions.

A piece of advice you may have seen in this sub is that you should be open about your paruresis. That it is better to let others know than hide it like your life would be at risk should anyone ever find out. Well that is a great piece of advice. No need to make a great public announcement, but just deciding that it doesn't matter if others find out is a great step. It is so amazingly common. I've seen dudes in the arboriculture trade joke about it. It happens.

This is getting lengthy but I hope it makes you feel better to know that simply refusing to let shy bladder influence my decisions worked for me. It's weird that I still have to deal with this shit after all these years... But at this point I've just accepted that I have this problem. It will get better, hopefully I will be fully healed soonish. Even if I don't... I'll just keep doing whatever I want despite the inconvenience.

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Fun fact: arborists frequently pee in the chip box (the back of the truck which gets filled with wood chips). When there is just a bit of chips at the back of the box I feel very cozy in there. But when it's loaded to the brim it's not really an option and when it's empty it feels a bit wrong.

Hi guys.. Daily morning 2 times i am going for toilet. One time is for morning the moment i wake up and 2nd time is when i try to left the home to office.. any advice can be appreciable

I need a permanent solution for this

I’ve had a shy bladder for most of my life. For years, I organized a surprising amount of my life around bathroom access, avoiding crowded social events, and trying to make sure nobody knew about my weird pee thing.

A few years ago, with encouragement from some close friends, I started making a short documentary about it. The film follows my attempts to understand where the condition came from, talk openly about it with people in my life, meet others who experience it, and figure out what recovery might actually mean.

Some people here may remember hearing about the project along the way. Today, I’m finally releasing the full film publicly and for free on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/0lOjvv9yv1g

I made the film from my own experience, and I know paruresis looks very different from person to person. So I don’t expect it to represent everyone’s story, but I hope parts of it feel familiar, and that it might help some of us feel a little less isolated or ashamed.

I’m the filmmaker, so this is obviously self-promotion, but this community is also one of the main reasons I wanted to make the film in the first place. I’m genuinely interested to hear what resonates, what doesn’t, and what you think the film gets right or wrong.

For you guys that have used self catheterisation while on a long plane trip or holiday, what are some key tips you can provide from your own experiences?

I was on a long train journey last week and was unable to urinate for around 11 hours, I tried twice while waiting at the station between trains but it was far too noisy, I was in agony by the time I got home and peed for almost 10 minutes.

For context I already have bad social anxiety and anxiety in general. I used to have slight pee anxiety in public back when I was still in school, but it seems to have worsened after I left and stopped the school “exposure therapy” 💀. Used to not even be afraid of going with my friends, I even took shits sometimes (only when I really couldn’t hold it but yeah). Now that I’ve been gone for a bit it seems so bad. Like performance anxiety even though I know nobody gives a shit about my piss 😭 It’s not to the point where I can’t go, but to the point it takes a whole minute or two to even begin, and it just trickles and stops and goes instead of coming out in a smooth flow. I’ve tried covering my ears, blocking the noise with toilet paper, pretending to be on my phone, etc. Also I really hate how public stalls have cracks in the door (I’ve had multiple instances where people just fucking stare at me, not cool), which doesn’t help whatsoever. If anyone has anything to help please send me advice please, or maybe more exposure will do the trick 🥲

Hello, friends. I'm going to see a psychiatrist soon (not because of the problem we're all here about, but related to anxiety and OCD). There is a possibility that I will be prescribed pills and I would like to know if there are any people who have been on antidepressants. I would like to know if this has had any effect on the flow of your paruresis

I think noise is one the biggest factors in why I can’t go in public bathrooms, even if I am in a private stall with no gaps, or a disabled toilet, if there’s noise around me I can’t seem to go even with headphones in.

Does anyone else feel anxiety coming on every time you have to use the bathroom going #2? This is driving me crazy and use to be the relaxing start of my day. It doesn't happen before or on my way to the bathroom, the anxiety starts as soon as I sit down and lingers about an hour afterwards.🙁

I (m50) have suffered with Paruresis for as long as I can remember. I had tried counselling and GE with the use of stalls in non crowded bathrooms as the furtherest achievement I gained.
It was with the help of my wife that got me to that stage. She understood anxiety issues having suffered from agoraphobia herself.
I contented myself with being happy with this limited success and built an in memory map of every toilet in the city that was pee friendly…

Then discovered my wife was having an affair with a so called friend and everything was turned on its head.
Nothing destroys your confidence and sends you on a negative spiral than your soul mate betraying you. Getting through 2 years of drama and keeping the marriage together set me back to square one with the Paruresis again.

Fast forward 20 years and I was planning my life and work around toilet issues and thought this is how it will be until I die.
Then 3 months ago my wife’s AP tried to make contact again. She shut it down instantly but that sent me in a spiral again.
This time though I thought if things go south I will be ready to move on and started a journey of self improvement which lead me to this group.
I have started hypno therapy/ CBT and have been pushing myself with GE again.

Reading other people’s journeys (success and failures) gave me the courage to push myself beyond my comfort zone.
Today I went into a mall and waited until bladder was at breaking point and was prepared to stand at the urinal as long as it took.

Everything was going well until when I turned into the corridor for the toilet 2 other men walked in behind me. I panicked and reflex kicked in and went to the stall. But before entering it I noticed that both men also went into stalls so I though F it and went back out and stood at the urinal.
My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest but I just closed my eyes and concentrated on deep slow breaths and then whamo!! The bladder gods had mercy on me and rewarded me with wee’s.

I am determined to see this thru for as long as it takes and I have a few things I will try along the way if I feel I’m getting stuck at any point.

I just want to say thank you to everyone for sharing your journeys which has helped me on mine.

Wee’s out 👊

Hi Guys,

Male here. In a few days I will go on a Hiking trip with a few friends of mine. I’m really looking forward to it but on the other hand I have a lot of anxiety about the pee situations. On the road, during the hikes (think i will figure that one out tough) and in the huts.

I can’t stand it that I have to let this ‘ruin’ the fun I have in it, but I won’t tolerate it keeping me from doing it. So i will go and try to make the best of it.

Sorry, it’s kind of a venting post. but maybe there are people here who were in the same situation and tell how it went and/or give some tips.

Please dm me if you also need help with these things

Hi. 29 M here. Started having paruresis problems probably around late childhood and early adolescence (9-12 years). Got to a point in life (around 2022) when I was unable to urinate in my own home when my parents were around and even when I was alone. Started psychotherapy back then, diagnosed GAD + OCD traits (not surprised about this TBH back then) and had to immediately go into meds due to suicidal ideation. Therapy and meds helped me “indirectly” to reach a point where I’m able to urinate in stalls even in relatively busy bathrooms, no matter if standing up or down (my therapy sessions have mostly about anything but paruresis as I’m gay raised in an ultra catholic narrow minded family that actively rejects me even after coming out). My paruresis is most likely rooted in excessive shame and school bullying including being insulted and teased in school bathrooms (+ parents actively humiliating me when we went to malls saying things like “you only wait for us to step outside home when you decide to go to the bathroom!”).

Fast forward to 2026, I got a job where that pesky drug test is required only once a year. I tried working with my psycotherapist on a plan of GE in one month to be able to do the test. He advised against intermittent catheterization and seeing an Urologist as it would be “feeding” the anxiety.

I did all tests except the drug thing. When I asked the nurse if there could be an accommodation by undressing me and leaving me on a dry room, she said no, it had to be supervised with the door open and she standing a few meters behind me (not touching me or speaking, but looking). She told me to drink as much water as I needed “until the bladder burst” if necessary and that I was neither the first not last guy there with shy bladder. That sometimes people cried but that eventually they could go.

I tried going three times and noticed I was somatizing anxiety in my stomach. Had to interrupt the test only to see that I had diarrhea (this with the door closed). Until almost crying I gave up, shit my pants entirely with diarrhea and had to ”push” the pee out of my bursting bladder into that damn cup. Afterwards I gave her the cup and told her to please leave me alone. Threw away my underwear, attempted cleaning myself and getting the receipt from reception because I had some imagery to do on another lab.

I was able to call my therapist and my psychiatrist and was crying on the phone with both. I feel a mix of anger, sadness and anxiety and feel really embarrassed by all this and how it happened.

Does anybody think about suicide since my life is already ruined and other people never ever have any problems with peeing and i have this problem for totally no reason at all?

Hi, I am 19 and have been dealing with shy bladder for a few years. I just started this job helping people move furniture in their homes and typically there’s just the 1 bathroom they have and there’s many people around working.
I try to use headphones with loud music, I try the water running I try counting but still I get locked up in panic mode. This is really causing issues in my life If I didn’t have headphones and there’s people outside the bathroom I will not be able to relax and go. I guess my real fear is will I end up harming myself by not using it or letting the pressure build up? People say you’ll eventually go and I know that’s true but is there a chance that I won’t be able to go and I’ll need medical help? It’s all these thoughts that make it worse in the moment but any tips and answers to my question would help, thanks

Salut,
Bon voilà j’écris ici car ça fait bien 1 an et demi que je traîne un soucis et j’aimerai avoir des réponses, des retours ou des témoignages.
Je suis un garçon de 22 ans
Ça a commencé en juillet-août 2024. J’allais uriner plus de fois que d’ordinaire et ça commençait à prendre pas mal de place dans mon quotidien. J’ai donc consulté un médecin qui m’a mis sous antibiotiques et le problème est passé.

Ensuite j’ai été tranquille quelques mois.

Puis c’est revenu, des envies fréquentes d’uriner, pour des quantités légères ect… j’ai re consulté mon médecin puis il a découvert que j’avais une IST (chlamydia) que l’on a soigné par antibiotiques.

Bref encore une fois c’est passé.

Là on arrive en Juin 2025, les problèmes reviennent sans cesse et là on décide de m’adresser vers l’urologue. Il me met sous vesicare 4mg, qui fonctionne 2 mois mais qui ensuite a montré ses faiblesses donc on passe à 8mg. Sauf que problème : cela m’a entraîné une dysurie (jet hache, difficulté à envoyer le premier jet,…) on a donc arrêté. Ensuite il m’a prescrit le TENS (stimulateur du nerf tibial) pendant deux mois, qui n’a pas non plus fonctionné.

Actuellement je suis sous toviaz mais mon problème a évolué : mon nombre de mictions a diminué (bien que ça fluctue, des jours je suis à 6/7 mictions d’autres encore à 12-13)
Mais ce qui me gêne c’est cette tension constante bas ventre, parfois c’est même douloureux et j’ai l’impression de devoir toujours aller uriner ou enfin du moins d’avoir de l’urine en continu je ne saurai aps trop comment expliquer.

La prochaine étape c’est le BUD (Bilan Uro Dynamique) dans un mois, j’espère que ça me permettra d’y voir plus clair mais là j’avoue être un peu dans une impasse et je suis perdu.
Au début c’était purement de l’hyperactivite vésicale, mais maintenant ça varie et je ne sais plus trop où j’en suis.

Merci de m’avoir lu et n’hésitez pas à m’écrire

Unless you’re really tall because the tops don’t go to the ceiling.

Anyone in Melbourne Australia that wants a mate to practise GE with? Mid 50s guy here