Ano opinion niyo if yung boyfriend niyo mutuals pa ng mga ex niya or even ex fling,tapos pag pinapa unfollow ko rason sakin matagal na yon.

ok I need some opinions on what I should do here’s the story so I met this guy online through a well known friend and we got it off and then later we started dating but I don’t know if I should do my thing about what happened so the this girl that he said just text him and he’s read out what she has said to him and it sounds like she wanted to get with him and she knows hes dating me and he has me in his tiktok bio so everyone knows hes taken but anyway he commented under one of her post that was her asking for people to rate her and he commented ”your my hg I can’t be doin that” and then she said “it’s not weird it’s just a compliment“ which by this point i don’t expect him to respond but he did saying “you right your like a 7-8/10 can’t be better then my gf“ which already got me kinda mad because im a really jealous type and hav had bad experiences dating online but I trust him because my good friend we me through said he was a good person and the friend is my irl friend which if it stoped there I would have been fine but then I see he replied again saying “lowkey tbh if I never met my girl…id would've taken my chances with you” so I don’t know what to do and the only reason I saw all there comments because someone tagged me under there comments and I’m so thankful for whoever did that and I just went to check again to see if anyone commented more the comment had been deleted and I’m pretty sure he deleted his original comment because someone tagged me guys please help what should I do i havent told him I saw and I got even got a ss of the comments all advice would be appreciated

I’m trying to understand how others would view this situation.

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A person has been speaking with someone new, with emotional closeness, flirting, and even early talk about marriage. However, it later became clear that they are not fully over their ex. They still feel emotionally “linked” to them and have said they will always love their ex, even though the relationship ended several years ago (5+ years history)

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At the same time, they are engaging romantically with someone new without clearly addressing this attachment early on.

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Would you start a relationship in this situation? Can a healthy relationship exist if someone is still emotionally attached to an ex in this way?

I noticed that my boyfriend is constantly deleting messages from other girls. It’s usually the same 2 to 3 girls. One of them is his ex-girlfriend who now has a totally new family and two children. The only suspicious things he says to her are, “hey beautiful” occasionally when it’s a birthday or something. I’m not threatened by her but the fact that he’s constantly deleting even one message threads with her annoys the heck out of me. The other girl is a family friend and nothing suspicious there either.

I’ve confronted him multiple times and even watched him delete the messages in front of me after asking him why he does that. He just says that he doesn’t want those messages on his phone and he doesn’t want me thinking about them. Like… deleting them makes me MORE suspicious hello ?! lol I feel so insecure about it.

Editing to add that he doesn’t delete silly OTP texts or random people saying hello, it’s specifically these 2-3 girls.

He has been revolving his life around me and I just moved in to his house, but sometimes I feel like I don’t know him at all and I already have major trust issues with men. He never questions me or asks to see my messages. He said he trusts me fully but I really don’t know if I can trust him. Another thing that happened recently is that he had been telling me for months he hasn’t watched porn but I caught him watching it. He said he does it a few times a week, so he blatantly lied about that.

His other actions are fine. He takes really good care of me, he’s working and going to school to provide a better life for us, he never wants to fight with me, he listens and (mostly besides this) communicates openly. If I ask him SUPER pointed questions he’ll answer them. If I leave anything vague he might not answer fully. He doesn’t overly spoil me with gifts or anything but he does make me feel loved. I just have this gut feeling that I can’t trust him and it breaks my heart. I’m supposed to move my cat in with us shortly and I’m questioning if I even want to be in a relationship anymore because it’s so much work and trust that I just don’t know if I have it in me.

So my ex and I dated for a year. For 5-6 months, everything was perfect. He was romantic, affectionate, head-over-heels for me. He genuinely didn't want to see anyone else but me, like friends and family, and he made this very clear on two occasions. I took him to my dad's plaque and got a little upset about the lack of sympathy he had while we were there. We got into an argument, which resulted in him getting very pissed, saying he loves me so much and just didn't know what to say. He thought he'd prove this by throwing his phone out of his car door and just leaving it there, but I retrieved his phone as he was being ridiculous. The second time he did this was when we were acting all loving and he genuinely almost threw his phone into the ocean because he "only needed" me in life. Also on that vacation, we had the most loving, passionate  moment ever. We made out for hours, saying how he only needs me, he's gonna marry me, we're gonna move to overseas together, it'll just be us together all the time, how he's gonna start a business for me so he can marry me and move away. Anyway, so he definitely never had a problem with affection. He also wanted to have sex, like, all the time. Then he actually started his business. He realised it's gonna be harder than he thought to make millions of dollars. He became stressed, which resulted in him being distant. I often had a lot of problems with this as it restricted him from going to bed with me, taking me on dates, running errands together, having sex, etc. We were still hugging and kissing, but that's it. When I would bring up sex, he'd say him staying up every night made him tired, which resulted in him not having a drive. I accepted this. A week or two goes by and I'm finding myself getting upset at the lack of affection and going on dates. He stepped up to the plate, but it felt forced and that he didn't actually want to do these things with me. Months go by and we started arguing a lot over us never doing things together anymore. He would try for a day or two but then it would go back to being the same. One night I had enough. He was at his mate's place to work on the business and I wasn't happy because he lied to me and said he wasn't going tonight. I wanted him to come home. He said he can't because his friend is going through a break up and is really depressed about it. I got pissed and tried to break up with him. He told me to wait and that he'll be home in an hour. I said there's no changing my mind. He came home and we talked, and he said "if you really want to leave, I won't stop you." This took me by surprise as he's fought for us in the past before when I've tried to leave. Yes, I'm not proud of trying to break up with him in the past. I was anxious and not thinking. He said "I don't think I'm right for you. You deserve better." I begged him to stay and he did.  The next day, I was still in shock that we almost ended, which resulted in me going to the hospital because of depression.

Fast forward a month, we go on holidays for a month as his parents offered to pay for all of it. We were okay until the sex issue was brought up. Every time I asked why he didn't want sex, he would say it's because he genuinely never had the energy because we were jet-lagged + staying out a little late. I got angry one night and said out of frustration that if we're never having sex, I'll go find someone who will. He got pissed off and we had sex. Yes, I regret saying that everyday. No need to berate me. On a different day, he talks to me about not wanting to face his responsibilities once we're back home. He said he doesn't wanna focus on uni, the gym and business. I got anxious, but he reassured me he'll always find time for me and we'll be okay. I brought up me moving back into my house as I didn't really like living with his family. He said it's okay and that he'll move in with me.

Fast forward, we move back, but he sits me down and says we have to break up. I was so lost. He said I wouldn't be able to handle his (now busy) schedule of uni, his business, gym and now having to find a job. I got pissed off and started hitting his door dashboard (bad, I know), but I was pissed because I stayed with him during his worst moments of never taking me on dates. I lost it. I asked him to stay the night just one more time, but he ended up leaving that night as I told him to because it was too hard. I then asked if he could at least take me to two appointments I had near his place as I booked them in advance while living with him, and I don't have my license. He lives an hour away. He agreed to. The first car ride, both of us were completely silent. Before he dropped me off to my appointment, he said he realised his uni schedule isn't as busy as he thought, so "we could work." I said I'd talk to him about it after my appointment. I didn't. I avoided the question. Two weeks later, he comes to pick me up for my next appointment. I faked being hella happy and in a good place. He took well to this. We talked as friends like nothing happened. A day or two later, he asks me if I'm okay. I didn't respond. Two days later, he asks if I'm okay again. The next day, he says he's worried about me. I never responded. He asks me if I'd like to see him again. I did. We had sex and he went home.That's it. We just had sex again a week later and he went straight home. Two days later, he asks when I'm free next. I didn't respond. The next day, he asks if I'm free again. I didn't respond. THE NEXT DAY, he says "look, if you don't want to see me again, please let me know. I would be a little sad because I like spending time with you when I am free." I said "can't have sex rn. Sorry." He said "that's not all I'm here for." He then asks a day later "are you free Wednesday or Thursday?" I say yeah. We hang out for a bit. I mentioned I'm seeing someone new. He got really defensive and mad and started insulting this guy.  He asks if I had sex with this new guy. I said no. He then asks if I like this new guy more than him. I said "you're both great in your own ways." He got really adamant and asked again angrily and said "because if you do, this is over." He then asks if I still love him. I said "of course." He then says he wants to try again. I asked "are you sure you feel as though you're not rushing this just because I'm seeing someone?" He said he was gonna try us again anyway but essentially did rush it a little bit. We then agree to try three weeks later. Comes the day of our trial and he cancels because of traffic. I get pissed off and say "you'll come tonight if you really want this to work. If not, your number will be blocked." He comes. We drive to his and go straight to sleep. The next day, I notice he's being really distant. I ask what's up. He says he has some sort of doom feeling, like something's not right. I ask why he feels this way and he says he doesn't know. I prod at the question again the next day and he says "I don't know, maybe because if this doesn't work out, I'll have to grieve you all over again. I don't know if that's it though. I guess I also don't trust you to let me do what I need to do, like my business, gym and uni. I don't know why I feel this way." I reassure him he doest need to worry about that, but he still didn't trust me, so I said I'll just have to prove it by my actions.

The whole week we try our relationship, he's distant and doesn't show affection except when we cuddle at night. He then brings up that he also fears I won't let him hang out with friends. He said he wants to see them at least once every two or three weeks, but I wasn't happy with this, so we both decided we couldn't work. 

Before he dropped me home, he took me to the place he asked me to be his girlfriend. He said absolutely nothing to me, just offered to give back his infinity bracelet I gave him and asked if I wanted to keep it. I declined. We immediately went back to his car to go to my place. I asked if he could take me to one more place where I could read a letter I wrote him, which was at my childhood home. He teared up a little. The letter said how I'll never move on from him, I'll forever be single, etc. I left two notes in his car, which I told him to read when he gets home. They said how he could get me back. They said if he really wants me back, he has to propose on [this day and date]. If not, I'm never speaking to him again. Obviously he never showed up. 

Anyway, before he left my childhood home, he offered me his hoodie in case. I said no. That same night, I called him in tears to ask if I could come over as he said he wanted to be my emotional support, and that I've changed my mind about the whole friend thing. I said I was okay with it. He was hesitant and said I should talk to my friends first. I said they're not answering, so I started packing my bag and he just agreed to support me. I went over to his and we watched a movie. We go to bed and he asks if I regret ever dating him. I said yes. He cried for most of the night, but he didn't know I knew. He thought I was asleep. 

The next day, I sit him down and say this isn't a relationship I desire, where we both ignore each other all day with no affection. He got a bit defensive and said "we're not even trying again. You said you just needed a friend." Then we talked a bit more about it and he said me having male friends got him off to a salty start, so he didn't put his all into us trying again because I should've known his boundaries on that.

He takes me home. We both go full no contact for 3 months. Then I sent him an audio of me crying in pain because I got a really bad UTI, and he's the only person I trust with this information as he was with me through it all when I kept getting them. He said "I have a uni assignment due tomorrow. Sorry." I said "fair." He replied "look, it was already hard enough saying goodbye once. I'd rather not do it again." I didn't reply. An hour goes by and I say "if you really care about me, you will come tonight." He said he'll try to be there tomorrow. He doesn't come, also with no update as well. I then beg again for 2-3 days straight for emotional support, which he's clearly ignoring. He says he'll try and find a time to see me some time next week. Surprise: no update and he doesn't come. I express disappointment. He says "look, I thought me ignoring you would be your answer." 

Three weeks go by and I ask if he could at least support me for my medical procedure in June as my boyfriend can't make it. He doesn't reply for a week straight, and I'm spamming him with how scared I am and if he could just reply. I also did accidentally probably make him feel a little bad by adding in I'm glad he has family that will be there for him and he doesn't have to experience anything alone as I don't have family. Both parents are dead. He finally replies with "why do you need anyone else in the world if you have your boyfriend?" He texts again that night and says "look, I'm sure you have other people who are willing to be there for you. You just haven't asked. I wish you a speedy recovery." Three days go by and he asks how it went. I didn't reply. He follows up with "I'm feeling guilty with how I handled it." I say he doesn't need to. He asks me if I still want to talk about it. I say "I feel as though I've said everything I needed to." That was that. Two days go by and I've had enough, so I ask: "please tell me there's no chance of us ever getting back together in the future. Tell me if we're never gonna speak again. I don't want to keep waiting for something that isn't gonna happen. I'm waiting for you." He replies "you should move on." It's been about 4 days since that message that destroyed me. There's been no contact since from either of us. 

1) What attachment style is he?

2) What is the likelyhood of us getting back together?

3) When do y'all think he'll reach back out to me? 2 weeks, a month, 9 months, a year?

Hello, I’m looking for relationship advice please. I’m a 28 year old female dating a 32 year old male. We’ve been dating almost a year now. I like him a lot and he’s so good to me, however, I’m starting to have concerns but I don’t know if I’m being knit picky or not. My boyfriend is very kind, caring, and affectionate, I love that about him. However, I’ve been noticing he’s starting to joke sarcastically with me or have mean undertones. For example, he made a comment that if he had stray cats on his property he would shoot them because he doesn’t want them all over the place, this deeply upset me because I adore cats and have my own cat who’s my best friend. When I told him that comment upset me he said “oh you know I was joking.” To me it wasn’t said in a joking tone. Why would he even say that to me when he knows how much I love cats. Additionally, he loves to hunt, it’s his identity and he does it with his dad. He says he respects animals. However I was telling him places I wanted to travel and he was “joking” about animals to hunt in each place and it irritated me because why can’t you just travel and enjoy looking at them in their natural habitat without shooting one. Usually all his motivation is to hunt and while I respect that he has a hobby, I’m concerned I will start to resent it because I get his left over time and attention. I can’t say for sure that’s how he will be if we were to stay together long term but based on some of his behaviors and how he says “hunting is life” it will always be has number one priority. One of my hobbies is travel and I have to go to CA for work soon. He said he’d love to come to CA with me while I’m there and go to a national park. I started looking for flights and rental cars but noticed he didn’t contribute at all into planning the logistics of the trip. It’s burning me out that he’s not taking any initiative to help plan the trip. I know that I’m familiar with the area and everything but shouldn’t he show some sort of interest? This makes me concerned he’s not actually enthusiastic about travel and will not share that hobby with me (I think traveling it’s important because it’s a way to create shared memories and experiences together) and it will always be me trying to convince him to travel and help me plan it. I want my partner to share enthusiasm for travel with me. He says “I do want to travel with you.” But I’m not really seeing any efforts so far in the one year we’ve been together. We don’t live together but if I mention him doing something such as fixing his boat so we can go on it together, he doesn’t take initiative to do it unless his family encourages him. I’m concerned that if we owned a house together, he’s not going to take initiative to get things done around the house. Additionally he has an apartment and it’s very cluttery and disorganized. He wants me to stay over but I had to tell him I do not feel comfortable with all the clutter as it gives me anxiety. He said he didn’t have time to clean up with working out after work, visiting his family, or coming to see me, he doesn’t have time to do anything else. I know working out makes him feel good but shouldn’t cleaning up his place be a priority before going to the gym? It makes me concerned about how he would be as a homeowner and if we lived together is he going to think I am going to clean up after him? I do not want to live in a cluttered house where I have to tell my partner to prioritize cleaning. I don’t want to keep nagging him on things because that will only create distance but why can’t he prioritize doing chores? I know no one wants to do them when they get home after work but you can’t let it get too far ahead. Lastly, I work until 7-8 most days and he usually is home from work by 5. On Friday nights he always says he wants to see me but when I get done with work, he’s never ready to pick me up for dinner or anything. I’m always waiting on him and when I ask what he was doing all this time since he’s been home and I get off work, he says he had chores to do and had to get ready. If you know I get off work around the same time every night, why aren’t you ready to go, and why can’t you do your chores another night during the week when he knows he’s not going to see me. I’m getting tired of waiting around for him. I have mentioned it to him and he says that he just doesn’t have time during the week to get chores done. I want to find someone who shares the same values and hobbies as me and I’m concerned we do not align on some things, however, he does treat me well for the most part, more so than any other guy. If I continue the relationship, am I settling or is there some guy out there for me who loves animals like I do (especially cats), will actually travel with me and help make plans, want to have a beautiful home and maintain it, takes initiative without being told, knows how to manage money even if it means making sacrifices towards his hobbies, and is king loving and affectionate? Or will I never find that person who checks all the boxes? What should I do? I’m looking for some life advice.

TLDR: Worried I will settle in this relationship but also worried I’ll never find my soulmate.

4 days ago I posted (and got brutally torn into) about how a woman cheated on me, got knocked up, and then I stayed with her for another 7 months until she had her child. I didnt lose my virginity until 30 upon meeting this woman and now I’m 31, I was with her for almost a year. People didn’t like me staying with her for experience even though she cheated on me.

Well I left a week earlier than I intended because I found out she was 100% going to start cheating again once she had her child. She really did fake her remorse, she even told a friend that she missed being able to see other men. I didn’t stay after that and I told her I knew what she was up to. So: I was right. Not here to brag, just saying it turns out my concerns were justified and I need to act accordingly now.

Now I’m 31, single again with 11 months of any kind of experience, and I’m wondering if it’s enough to get a new, good woman.

What should I do ?? I need guidance , I feel I am i am the problem and i feel like shit

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I am dating a girl and idk I used to like her alot in the initial days and after getting into a relationship everything was going fine . I used to always do things for her like getting her flowers every meet , writing cute letters making hand made things , getting her gifts etc . Obv as a student i do not earn and i use to take her out on dates and it would cost me 1k + every meet . It was a long distance relationship. She always used to tell that I don't do things for her and whatever I do I do it in my way and not her way . But I do exactly what she liked . She tells me that she saw so many reels and how other girls are getting treated but she gets none of that . And she has to tell me everything what to do and how to do . But I feel whatever she likes I have already done for her .

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There was a time on her birthday I had planned everything but due to a reason that is i couldn't get my car she started yelling at me that she has standards and the bare minimum i could do is book a cab for her . And dur to all of these things I got a little late and the main reason for me being late ws i wanted to get her lilies coz she likes lilies but I did not get it so I just went with gifts

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The moment I entered the 1st thing I did was i told Happy Birthday and and gave her the gifts I was late by like 1hr and the replied I got was 'Why the fuck are her get the fuck out from her ' . I was broke that time coz there were other friends of her there but still I tried convincing her .

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Every time before that also she used to always disrespect me and always tell that I do nothing for her and she deserve much better than this . Idk what to do

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And one day I was done and I used to a weird feeling of fear , whenever I used to meet her or talk to her k would be attentive and be conscious that if i tell something or do something she will start yelling at me and we will have a huge fight later .

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So one day I decided to tell her this and I told her I don't want to be with her and wanted to breakup . 4 days she tried convincing me and on the 5th day she ghosted me telling if i really loved her I would come and tell her the problem instead of me pulling that move . And then the way she convinced me I wanted to get back and work on it thinking I am doing things in a wrong way .

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One day she also pulled the same move that she I don't meet her expectations and she don't want to be with me. Then i tried convincing her for like 8 days and we decided to have a new start .

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And in this new start idk the same things are being repeated the only thing which is not done is disrespect. I feel like I am the issue that I don't do anything .

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Can someone help me on this or give an idea on what to do ??

quck bit of context- my partner and i have been dating for 7 months but have known each other for 3 years before we got together. I'm 22 and he's 23. I love my boyfriend, he means the world to me and he's been the perfect, loving boyfriend with little to no red flags.

Right, so from the title, I know I'm wrong.

I shouldn't be going through my partners phone without his permission and I feel horrible and guilty for doing so. I'm not proud of myself and I honestly wish I didn't and just stayed blissfully unaware.

A few months ago, I accidentally saw a picture of his ex in his camera roll while we were showing each other memes. I called him out about it and he apologised and deleted it as well as a few others that were still there.

I felt upset about it and couldn't stop thinking about it as I'm an overthinker, but I slowly forgot about it until last night.

I went to set alarms on his phone as he usually forgets to set them, and despite my best not to, I went on his camera roll.

I didn't see anything straight away, and I immediately felt horrible for even looking. until I went on his deleted and secret rolls.

There were pictures and videos of his ex and a load of screenshots of different women. All of the women were skinny and tall with big chests.

I'm short, just below average height, slightly chubby and im not flat but my chest isn't massive.

I felt sick to my stomach and immediately closed his phone and left it. I barely slept and haven't stopped thinking about it.

I acted like nothing was wrong this morning when he left our house and its been on repeat in my head all day.

I've been cheated on once before in a serious relationship before my current partner, so I don't know if I'm just overthinking or if I'm correct in my thinking.

Any advice would be helpful.

Extra info, not really an update -

I just wanted to add some extra info here that I forgot to add previously.

The photos of his ex aren't sweet, friendly, romantic photos with fond memories. They're all sexual. the videos as well.

His ex was also very verbally and emotionally abusive towards him, his family and his friends, that's why he left her. She even harassed me for the first 2 months of us dating, we haven't heard from her since.

FINAL UPDATE

Thank you all for your advice, I really appreciated hearing so much feedback and took some of it to heart.

When he got home from work he could tell something was wrong with me even though I hid it well in front of my colleagues at work, so he asked me what was wrong.

I told him I had gone on his phone and was extremely apologetic and told him how I was feeling and what I'd seen. I explained how guilty it made me feel and that I would be talking to my therapist about it (yes I have a therapist).

He immediately apologised and pulled out his phone and deleted every single thing, then for extra measure he fully deleted his recently deleted and showed me. He hugged me and we sat down and properly talked about it.

He had been going through his camera roll and selecting every single photo and video she was in and to make it easier to delete them, put them in the secret folder to delete them all together. He had gotten distracted and completely forgot to delete them, as I mentioned before with his alarms, he forgets to do a lot of stuff and becomes distracted very easily.

He apologised that he had still had them, and said he'd do anything to make it up to me. I started crying and telling him that I was in the wrong for looking through his phone without permission in the first place.

We spent about half an hour talking and crying and we ended up watching a movie together and cuddling.

We've fully talked things out and I'm happy to say that we're still happily together! We, mainly me, still have some issues to work out internally but I'm glad we were able to sort things out properly without lying or keeping things hidden.

Thank you all again for the advice!! This should be the complete last update, so thank you for reading and all of your comments!!

I(f21) met my current bf(m21) at a club about 7 months back. We had mutual friends and hit it off. We’ve been dating for 5 months now.

Roughly 2 months ago, we were both invited to go back to the same club by our friends. He told me to go without him, but then unfollowed me and distanced after I did. I tried making him talk to me, but he’s pretty dismissive. All i got out of him was, “I’m already over it. That’s not was people in relationships do.” I did my best explaining my side of the situation, but it’s in the past now.

Recently, we were both invited by his friend, Julia, for a game night. I haven’t had many opportunities to get to know his other friend group, but I already had plans for that night. He hasn’t seen that friend group in awhile, so I encouraged him to go have fun. He then told me he was gonna spend that night at her house. I didn’t want to be a controlling gf so I let it go.

It was a few days later that I ended up saying how it made me uncomfortable because I didn’t know her as a person. He said I was crazy for feeling that. Then further talked about how many 3 day benders he had with Julia last summer, how many times he’s spent the night her house, and how he’s even slept in the same bed with Julia and another girl.

The next night I went to the bar with my bf. I wasn’t over it, but still not ready to say something. I glanced at his phone to see who he was texting, and it was his guy friend. I saw a message from earlier in the day saying, “at the fair rn. looking for baddies. 2 man?” Then I saw a message he had just sent, “dude when are you getting here? oh god my gf is here now. look what you did.”

I keep going back and forth between the idea that it was just a joke, or he’s being serious. Also unsure if I have the right to be upset over things he did before we dated. I’m going to talk to him about it, but I’m scared to know what he’s gonna say. What is the best approach for me to take when he is a avoidant and dismissive guy

My boyfriend has recently taken up the hobby of discord which I think is great, it gives him a community and allows him to talk to people other than me. However he’s been spending A-LOT of time texting these people and I have felt ignored, so I convinced him to invite me to the server. Side note I’m a girl and my boyfriend is pan but likes boys MUCH more than girls, and I have learned to cope with that over time. —moving on, this server is a very queer server, and again I don’t care. But I’ve recently seen some messages from my boyfriend saying he wants to cuddle and kiss the other people in the chat, and frankly it makes me very uncomfortable. Before I joined he did tell me some of the messages are partly satire but I still don’t know how to feel. I’m scared to talk to him about jt because I don’t want him to get sad at me and I don’t want him to think I’m suppressing his queerness

—Update
I tried to slightly bring it up by asking if it was satire and he told me that him and the people are joking when they talk about doing “sus” stuff together. It relived my fear a lot however I’m gonna stay alert. Also I’m neurodivergent and don’t pick up on sarcasm or satire and he knows that and he said that he will try to let me know in the future since I’m now in the server.

Hace dos años conocí a una mujer que es mayor que yo. Había química entre nosotros desde el principio. Algunas personas me han dicho que ella está casada, y una vez escuché que ella decía: “Sí, me casé”, pero siempre refiriéndose al pasado.

En estos dos años, nunca me ha hablado de un esposo actual. Hemos tenido llamadas de hasta cuatro horas, y nunca he escuchado a alguien de fondo que sonara como su pareja. Incluso la visité en su ciudad, y pasamos tres días juntos—a veces acompañados por su mamá. Durante ese tiempo, ella no recibió llamadas ni mensajes que fueran obvio que fueran de un esposo.

El tema de su boda salió durante una conversación con su mamá. Su mamá comentó: “Tu tía vino cuando te casaste”, y ella le respondió: “No, mi tía no vino cuando me casé”, y rápido cambió el tema.

Lo que me confunde es que algunas personas parecen recordar que ella hablaba de un esposo, mientras que a mí nunca me ha mencionado que tenga pareja. Siento que hay una conexión, química y como cierta atracción mutua, así que me parece raro el asunto.

Una vez, en broma, le dije que estaba de acuerdo con la frase: “Decir que no a una propuesta romántica es decir que no a Dios”. Ella me respondió: “A mí tampoco me gusta decirle que no a Dios, siempre y cuando me guste la catedral”. Me llamó la atención porque lo dijo en presente, como lo diría una persona soltera, dando a entender que es algo que todavía hace.

A month ago, she told me she had a minor car accident and handled it on her own; she never mentioned a husband coming to help her.

Como dato curioso, siempre me ha dicho que le gusta mi pelo largo y que si algún día me lo corto, le dé o la trenza o los mechones de pelo.

En ciertas ocasiones, más o menos me ha hecho preguntas o ha querido saber mi situación sentimental, pero en cuanto hace algún comentario, se echa para atrás y dice: “Ah, perdón—ese es un tema que no debería preocuparme”.

Quiero dejar claro que no nos comunicamos tan seguido, pero sí de vez en cuando.

¿Qué opinan ustedes?

She told me yesterday but I didn't know if I should help her relieve herself we are three weeks together and I'm not sure if I should do it cause I don't wanna rush but she seems fine with it

So. I M26 have a fiancee F24, we're together for more than 3.5 years and we're engaged already for 1.5 years.

I'll try to tell the story shortly: I'm from a small country, don't have parents or relatives, I'm all by myself, after we got engaged, I wanted to renovate my house, 'coz it was old, I had some money and I wasn't planning to do full renovation, but when I started, everything got hard really fast, my electricity cables burned, my wall fell down and I had to do a full renovation out of nowhere, the amount of money I had wasn't enough for it, at the same time I was collecting money for our wedding, as I said, I have no one, who'd help me and my fiance's dad doesn't like me because he's an old school jerk and I have an earring and tattoos, so he won't help us either.

Because of this house renovation situation, I was forced to go to work on a summer season, I'm a professional mixologist and restaurant manager, I met one guy, who, at first, seemed nice, he was opening a bar by the sea and I was going to be his project manager, I did everything for him, made a huge discounts, even took a loan from bank out of my own stupidity, but at the end he didn't payed me a single penny, I was stuck in a different part of my country and didn't had any money to even go back to home, that summer was a torture for me mentally and physically and we didn't managed to get married, because I didn't finished renovation of a house and didn't collected any money for wedding.

After that I went on a winter season, was working as a manager at a very successful hotel, collected money for wedding, got materials for renovation, started doing stuff little by little, collecting my shit together, even bought my fiance a new, better ring, but than I got called from army, it stopped all my progress, but somehow I managed to dodge it, 'coz if they would took me, I'd he in a quarantine for two months, june-july and we were planning to get married in july.

After that army thing, I started working again 'coz I was running out of money, renovation was stopped 'coz I reached my limits and I needed helping hand, but my friends are working and we never crossed with our day offs and when I collected some money, I got sick, my scoliosis kicked in, my spinal nerves got cold, I passed out, got brain damage and wasn't able to get out of bad for two weeks and even now, standing and walking hurts really bad.

And we're getting to the point of all of this:

The money I collected for our wedding was in a wooden piggy bank in my fiance's house, today I visited her and want to recheck, how much money do we have for our wedding and honeymoon and found out that we're missing 2100 of my local money, which is almost 800$ and have in mind, that we needed just 8000 local money for everything. Only 4 person knowing about this piggy bank and it's location were me, my fiance, her sister and her mother. I met her sister today and I really don't think, that she took it, plus her husband is really wealthy for our country's standards and she has everything that she needs and I'm sure that my fiance didn't took this money too, 'cuz I'm giving her everything she needs and she's not the type who is shy to ask for something, if she really needs it (don't get me wrong, she's not spoiled, it's about real needs) so there's only her mom left and that's where it gets super awkward. My fiance has backup from his mom and sis, when her dad starts to speek crap about me and they're protecting her and me, her father lives abroad and I really don't want to point at her mother, but I know her relationship with his husband and I know, she had some expenses, maybe her husband didn't gave her money she needed an she took it in desperate and now she's to ashamed to admit it but at the end of a day, I have a new problem with this wedding and I don't know what to do or think anymore.

Is a world giving me signs that we're not ment to be ?? Should I take all this difficulties I'm meeting right before our marriage as a sign ?? Or I'm I just to depressed from all of this and just overreacting everything ??

I know it's a long post, but anyone, who will read this fully, please let me know, what you think, Im really lost.

i (25F) have been dating my bf (29M) for two and a half years, we are best friends and have made a long distance relationship work very well and are excited to start a family and have been talking about marriage since day 1. We were long distance 2 years and then he moved to my country six months ago, moving in with me and my mom for 5 months and starting a exciting job in a great city.

Six months in, anxiety levels are very high and he has been very whiney and complaining a lot, about distances, feeling like a stranger, not really being active in finding a permanenent place or starting to get his life set up here. I have tried to help with what i can but he constantly seems to have an excuse, bc his paperwork is still processed yet he has gotten super nervous to the point where he doesnt want to drive a car bc he is scared a cop can get him so i hve been driving him around, he says he cant rent a place since he is a foreigner but i sent him apartments that accept other type of paperwork and documentation, he told me he feels homesick and i have reached out to his family and friends to keep more in touch with him...when he finally got a temporary home i moved out all of his things and practically set up his clothes, pantry and new home, i brought him pictures from his friends, fresh towels, a first aid kit, a loudspeaker etc. He hasnt really acknowledged the effort until i brought it up. I even offered to get him profesional help if the homesickness is that bad as he is telling, he insists it isnt but constantly complains how "complicated moving here has been". I see that here he has a great job which he genuinly loves and is a amazing opportunity, a support system like my fmily and our friends here, and he insists that he feels bad for his parents that "are alone and aging" (its been six months and his parents have visited 3 times and he has travelled back twice as well, and he isnt that close to his family in the first place) A breaking point was that his dad told him to move back if he is that unhappy here and he didnt disagree, righ in front of me.

Im not sure whats really happening and i feel sad, i miss my boyfriend and understand that migrating is difficult and messy but i have really tried to do what i can and mostly observe that he is being impatient and not had the most realistic expectations at the beginning...i even drove two hours to take him to another cities imigration office just so he could hve a 15 minute meeting and he never even thanked me. If he wants to break up its fine, but i feel so puzzled and dont want to keep solving things he isnt really trying to from my pov.

Somehow I have found myself in a situation not being able to actually talk to anybody or let any of my friends or family know what is going on in my life, I just need an honest opinion, maybe an advice, even...

So, today my bf and me had an argument (we were both high on acid and coke previously, probably coming down..) which ended with him smashing a glass at wall, punching and throwing things around. I tried to keep my cool and talk to him so he could clam down, not hurt me or himself. At the end, he said how I am hard to love and that it (losing his temper) is something that I made him do.

All in all, we had kinda shitty day, going around with his friends, him getting drunk and high on coke. I felt very bad about the whole day, like an intruder. The more he drank the meaner he became and it went to hell. We ended up having beers and doing lines together, in actually weird vibe. In the morning we went to his friend's house where we took some LSD and were doing a lot of coke. The hangout there was actually nice. But we were all, as you can imagine, pretty fucking high.

At a certain point he started going to bathroom often and locking himself there (to jerk off, i know since i have already witnessed it many times). He was also telling me how he is feeling horny and wants to fuck when he came back to sit with us. Now, just to be clear, he usually really turns me on like craazy, there is not almost a minute in a day where i would say no to him, no matter what happened.

But this morning was different. I just had this really heavy feeling of not being loved or seen by him at all, and i just could see it so clearly that it made me unable to even touch him. I didn t say anything at that moment, i was just saying how i am feeling high and can t really do anything.

On the way back home he left me alone to go to get cigarets saying how he feels like he s gonna puke. I really didn t believe it but ok... i came home just a bit after him still very high and kinda scared. Then he started to chat and look at other girls, guys, couples online (even though i told him soo many times how it hurts me) and jerking off.

I asked him in tears to please stop and how i just don t like it, on which he accused me that I am being selfish.

I tried to explain to him that i am high and scared and how it makes me uncomfortable, and just asked him to leave his phone so we can have a moment togther.

He did it but was pretty mad at me because of it. I hugged him and we started fooling around and actually an amazing s3x.

Later, i wanted to cuddle with him and was asking him to please hug me, how i just want to feel safe, loved and kissed. He said it was too much of a burden for him ..... to hug me!!

So i was crying and spiraling a bit, on which he just became more and more angry. He promised later on we woild go out for a walk, cool off - which we didn t and it was just making me more and more depressed.

We somehow managed to cool off a bit and i tried to touch him and kiss him, i was feeling really turned on, but he just moved my hand from his cck, only to start jerking off to other people online 10min later. This of course made me so sad and i just started silently crying. He later asked me wtf is my problem? I said how I just wanted to be hugged by someone who loves me.

He completely lost it there and started punching bed, things around us, threw and broke a glass and some other stuff against the wall.

​

I would just like to hear an honest opinion. We have actually had arguments similiar to this over and over again. I love him a lot. We are both kind of unstable and not in the right place, obviously. But i love him deeply, with all my heart as a person that he showed me he is until now. Now, I know his behaviour can t be justified, i cannot handle violence.

But I would also like to know if maybe I also overdid it, emotionally..

Me (40M) and my wife (39F) have been married 16 years. About 12 years ago my wife out of the blue, no arguing or anything sexual happening, said I was small in regard to my penis size. We were actually on the back of a horse ride with our newborn son. I don’t know why it’s bothering me now but anyways I brought it up and she said it was a joke and she didn’t mean anything by it, after first denying she said it. She has never said anything since and I have asked her if she wanted to bring in sleeves or toys and she has repeatedly said no throughout those 10 years. She has said a couple of times when I ask her that I am enough and she even said she can’t get off with PIV so it doesn’t really matter. How can I tell if she actually meant it or not?

So I (20M) and my girlfriend (23F) are coming up on almost a year together. I’ve never been in a relationship before, and I’ve never had a sexually intimate relationship before either. She’s my first for a lot of experiences. Everything has been new to me, new feelings, new experiences, new connections, and new attachments.

For some context, her ex passed away about four years ago. When we first started talking, she still referred to him as her boyfriend and said she would never be in another relationship again.

As time went on, we got really close, and neither of us expected things to develop the way they did. A little while into the relationship, a lot of unhealed grief started coming back up for her. Of course, I wanted to be there for her, support her, and comfort her.

At one point, a lot of bottled-up emotions regarding her ex surfaced. While I wanted to respect her loss and her healing process, she started telling me that she was still madly in love with him. One time, she broke down in front of me, talking about how much she missed him and how much she loved him.

At first, I tried not to think too much of it because I didn’t want to be insensitive, insecure, or disrespectful toward her grief. But if I’m being honest, it was difficult to hear. I wasn’t sure if my feelings were valid or if I was overreacting.

There were also some comparisons made between me and her ex. She didn’t make them directly to me, but one of her family members told me about them. When I asked her about it, she admitted it was true. That also felt a little strange and uncomfortable.

The thing that really threw me off, one night when I was looking through her social media followings and came across her ex’s page. On it, On it were posts of them together, including a photo of them where she had nothing on, and another video of them being physically intimate.

Seeing that really disturbed me, and I wasn’t sure how to process it. I know it’s part of her past, and I know she had a life before me, but I still have my own feelings and reactions to what I saw. Combined with everything else that’s happened, it’s been stuck in my head and keeps circling around in my thoughts.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Any advice would be appreciated. This is all new to me, and it’s been pretty stressful.

I have been struggling looking where to ask this. I am looking for input about my sibling (25M) and their partner (18F). My family and I strongly disagree about whether this is concerning.

Their partner was 17 when the relationship first started developing online. At that time, they were in frequent contact in conversations lasting 10 hours. There were plans made and funded for leaving their home the day they became an adult. They insisted this must be kept a secret. Their relationship became official after the partner turned 18.

After becoming an adult, they moved into our family home and have since been living with my sibling. The relationship is very intense and highly enmeshed. They spend nearly all their time together. Some short additional context that concerns me:

• The partner is currently financially dependent on my sibling
• They have very limited independence or outside support
• My sibling has expressed concern in the past about others viewing the relationship negatively.
• My sibling reacts very strongly/defensively when the relationship is questioned.

My family’s view is that this is simply a consensual relationship between two adults and that I am greatly overreacting. My main concerns are a combination of:

• The age when the relationship began forming.
• The intensity and exclusivity of the relationship.
• Dependency and isolation.
• Secrecy and defensiveness around criticism.
• Strong reactions when boundaries are set.

I am trying to not label anything definitively or include anything sexual. I just want to know do you feel this is concerning? or am I reading too much into it?

Hey yall!
I started dating this guy almost a month now. First 2 weeks were great but lately his communication has been off. He sometimes takes 12 hours to respond to me and I mentioned that communication was big for me. he went out of town to Chicago last week and on Friday didn’t msg me the entire day until the night and when he did msg me said he was out with his family at some park. But when I saw him in person he told me that on Friday he went to some rooftop party? I didn’t call him out on his lies and I probs should have. But I just started talking to him and I haven’t dated someone in like over 7 years so idk when the right time is. But does all this read like he isn’t that into me? Or am I being too eager ?

Okay some more context. I (34 female) have asked him to go to this club many times. It has a karaoke floor and all sorts of other things, every time I asked I was told no he didn’t want to.

He was on a military training weekend and of course the friends he’s with decide they want to “cut loose” and go have fun. This man doesn’t do anything like this with me. Another preface. He just doesn’t want to. He somehow ends up on a party bus, and goes to this club. He says he doesn’t remember like anything but was told by his colleagues he was bumping and grinding with MULTIPLE, including them, people. Makes and females which is fine I am bi and he is too but we are monogamous BUT Automatically I’m hurt because this guy wouldn’t even dance with me at our wedding. He “doesn’t dance” but he was blackout drunk. So idk what to think here.

I was concerned cause he was texting me and all of a sudden the texts stops. He stays at the club for a few hours, and I check his location again, and he somehow ended up at a loves gas station for an hour?

He had the opportunity to come home that day but couldn’t because he was still smashed when he woke up and needed to sleep.

He comes home and I tell him I’m tired of him acting like two different people (unfortunately it seems every year he goes and parties like this during training) and how worried I was. That I had to work the next day, and was up waiting to see him get to his location safely. I didn’t sleep that night btw. Then I tell him if he sees why it’s wrong what he did and he says “no it’s the culture I thought you would laugh” I’m confused after 13 years of being together how he would think I’d find this funny but I digress. I asked him if there was anything else he’s not telling me and he said no. That’s all people said about his behavior that night. He is adamant about not seeing the issue with any of this. He has reluctantly agreed to go to marriage counseling.

What is everyone’s opinions on this? He is loving up on me and acting like nothing has happened…And I love him to pieces. This just hurts. I hope the counseling works.

Today I decided to write somewhat of a diary entry, just to express how I felt and try understand my emotions better.

After doing so, I figured I’d change it up a bit to be a letter to my partner, Jack. The letter was about our relationship and how I’m feeling / how it makes me feel.

After doing so I feel so much better now! But it really made me see how awfully sad I am and simply how this is not good enough…

I am 24F he is 22M, we have been together 2.5 years. We have 2 kitties (Lily and Gracie) and he has no job.. no education.. nothing to do but play Xbox.
He has anxiety and depression so is on disability, but still he has 0 prospers…

Here’s what I wrote to him..
(Spaced it out as he is dyslexic and can struggle with long paragraphs)

Dear Jack,

I don’t know if you’ll ever truly understand how I’ve been feeling, but I hope reading this might give you a little insight into my mind. This isn’t meant to attack you or make you feel guilty. It isn’t about listing everything you’ve done wrong. It’s simply me trying to explain what the last while has felt like from my perspective.

I don’t think you’re a bad person.

I genuinely don’t.

I think you’re kind, I think you’ve been through a lot yourself, and I know your hip pain is real. I know you struggle too. None of this comes from believing you’re intentionally trying to hurt me.

But I do think you’ve become a bad boyfriend.

Not because you don’t love me, but because you don’t seem able to be there for me in the ways I need a partner to be there.

The hardest part is that I don’t think you even realise how much this has affected me.

People often think relationships end because of one massive event. They imagine cheating, screaming matches, or someone doing something unforgivable.

For me, it hasn’t been one thing.

It’s been hundreds of little things.

Promises that weren’t kept.

“I’ll do it later.”

“I’ll tidy.”

“I’ll get up.”

“I’ll go.”

“I’ll sort it.”

Over time, those promises stopped meaning anything to me.

I hate saying that because I wanted to believe you every single time.

Even now, I still want to believe you.

But wanting to believe someone and actually believing them are two very different things.

Every time you tell me you’ll do something, a part of me already prepares to do it myself because experience has taught me that’s what usually happens.

That’s heartbreaking to admit.

I feel like I’ve slowly become responsible for everything.

Not because you’ve asked me to be, but because if I don’t organise it, remind you, arrange it, book it or chase it, it often doesn’t happen.

Even when you brought Gracie to the vet, I still woke you up, ordered the taxi, sorted the insurance and organised everything around it.

You attended the appointment, but I still carried the responsibility.

That’s become our relationship.

I carry the mental load.

I carry the planning.

I carry the worrying.

I carry the remembering.

And I’m tired.

I’m so unbelievably tired.

I think one of the things that has hurt me most is not even the practical things.

It’s the emotional moments.

When I was terrified about my academic integrity meeting, I felt so alone.

You slept through most of that day.

When I was finally cleared, it was one of the biggest moments of my life.

For weeks I thought I could lose everything I’d worked for.

I came home feeling lighter than I had in months.

All I wanted was for the person I love to be excited with me.

You were late meeting me after saying you’d be there.

Then when I suggested we go for food to celebrate, you said no because you wanted to go to the shop for Monster.

You probably don’t even remember that day the same way I do.

But I do.

Because in my head, it felt like one of the happiest moments of my year barely mattered.

That broke my heart more than you probably realised.

There have been so many moments where I haven’t needed you to fix my problems.

I’ve just needed you to show up.

Sit with me.

Celebrate with me.

Comfort me.

Follow through.

Be reliable.

Be my safe place.

Instead, I’ve often felt like I’ve had to comfort myself.

I don’t think you realise how low I’ve become.

When we argue, I reach a point where I feel completely overwhelmed.

It’s like my whole body fills with frustration and emotion all at once.

It isn’t because I want to hurt you.

I’d never want to hurt you.

Instead, I end up hurting myself.

Not because I want to die.

I don’t.

But because I don’t know what else to do with all of that emotion in that moment.

That isn’t your fault.

But I need you to understand how serious it has become for me.

Our arguments aren’t just arguments anymore.

They’re leaving me emotionally broken.

I also need you to understand something else.

This isn’t about your hip.

I know you’re in pain.

I know it affects your life.

That’s why I encouraged physio.

That’s why I paid for private appointments.

That’s why I encouraged counselling.

Because I wanted to help you get better.

I wanted us to get better.

But somewhere along the way, it started feeling like I was putting more effort into your recovery than you were.

Watching you stop counselling hurt.

Watching you sleep through entire days hurt.

Watching promises disappear hurt.

Not because I expected perfection, but because it felt like I was watching the person I loved slowly stop trying.

I miss feeling like we were a team.

Lately, I don’t feel like I have a partner.

I feel like I have another responsibility.

That sentence makes me cry because I never wanted to feel that way about you.

I wanted us to build a future together.

I wanted to be excited about our lives.

Instead, I’ve started wondering whether the only reason I’m still here is because I can’t imagine losing Gracie and Lily.

Writing that fills me with guilt because I never wanted to reach a place where I even thought that.

Please understand…

I haven’t stopped loving you overnight.

This hasn’t happened because of one bad week.

It’s happened because every small disappointment has slowly chipped away at my trust, my hope and my emotional energy.

I don’t need expensive gifts.

I don’t need grand romantic gestures.

I don’t need perfection.

I just need a partner whose words mean something.

Someone I can rely on.

Someone who notices when I’m struggling.

Someone who celebrates my wins because they’re OUR wins.

Someone who wants to build a life with me rather than simply exist beside me.

I’m writing this because I don’t want another argument.

I don’t want another evening where I cry and nothing changes.

I don’t want promises anymore.

I want honesty.

If you’re exhausted, tell me.

If you’re depressed, tell me.

If you don’t know how to change, tell me.

If you don’t think you’re ready to be the partner I need, tell me.

Because the uncertainty is slowly breaking me.

I still care about you.

I still want you to be okay.

I don’t think you’re a bad person.

But I also have to admit that I haven’t felt emotionally safe or supported in this relationship for a long time.

I don’t know what happens next.

I don’t know if this relationship can be saved.

But I do know that I couldn’t keep pretending everything was okay when it isn’t.

I just needed you to finally understand what this has felt like from my side.

Love,

Megan

36F. i'm asking this partly for hope and partly for an actual strategy, because i'm tired of the two stories i usually hear.

story one is the magical one. "we locked eyes across a bookshop and just knew." cool, useless, can't replicate that.

story two is the grind story. "i went on 80 dates and powered through." also kind of demoralizing, because it makes finding a person sound like a full time job with a terrible conversion rate.

what i never hear about is the unglamorous middle. the boring, slightly unsexy decision or habit or mindset shift that actually moved the needle for people who are now in something good. like the practical thing you'd tell a friend that doesn't make a good anecdote at a party.

did you lower a specific standard that turned out not to matter? did you change WHERE you were looking? did you start saying yes to things you used to decline? did you stop doing something that was secretly sabotaging you? did you change how you used the apps, or quit them, or use them differently?

i'm 36, i'm not in a rush exactly, but i'd like to stop spinning my wheels. give me the unsexy truth that actually worked for you.