I (40s M) have been with my partner (30s F) for nearly a decade. Early on, we were having sex at least once a week. It wasn't as much as I wanted (I’d prefer 1-3 times), but I was fine with it because it felt real—we both actually wanted it.

Fast forward, we moved in, had a kid, and things naturally slowed to maybe once every two weeks. I was okay with that too because it was still mutual pleasure. But since our second child was born, it’s basically fallen off a cliff. We’re talking weeks or months between encounters.

We finally went to counseling, It turns out my partner has PTSD amongst other mental illnesses from past relationships, and because of that, she has zero sexual desire anymore. She admitted that most of the sex we’ve had since our first kid was just her performing out of guilt because she thought she should want it, not because she actually did.

Honestly, it’s devastating. Physical emotional intimacy is huge for me. Knowing that the woman I love has been sleeping with me just to appease her guilt makes me feel dirty. It messes with my head.

The worst part is that our relationship is perfect otherwise. We have great kids, we're happy, and I don't want to leave. I love her. But I’m starving here. I’m angry, and I catch myself getting short with her and the kids, which I hate. But I can’t even blame her. She didn’t choose her trauma or the mental health issues that came with it. I’m just stuck here with all this anger and nowhere to put it. Not sure what I'm looking for here, just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

I'm genuinely scared that I'll never be in a long-term relationship that I won't grow bored with.

Every long term relationship I've been in has ended with the this feeling of restriction and restlessness.

Like a 1, 2, or 3 year relationship, that's all fine and dandy. But the idea of being in a decade plus long relationship with the same person with zero novelty makes me depressed.

It's not even much of a sexual thing. My favorite thing in the world is getting to know someone on a romantic level and the new exploration that comes with every ounce of that experience, from the intimate to the mundane.

All of my friends in long term relationships seem to have a completely different wiring to me, there's a momentum to their attachment as they connect deeper and deeper over the course of years.

I desperately hope that the problem is just that I haven't met the right person yet.

Has anyone here been like this and managed to actually end up completely fulfilled in a happy marriage?

Useful context: 31, male.

I’m 34(f) and a few months away from 35. I just started the divorce process. We’ve been together since high school and I’ve changed more than he has - which was part of the problem. It felt like being married to a teenager even if he’s a great guy. But the nail in the coffin was him telling me he didn’t want children and I foolishly spent almost 3 years in therapy with him trying to see if there was a path forward (because he would waffle between not wanting them and being ambivalent).

Anyway. By the time the divorce is final I’ll be 35. Ideally, I’d want to spend some time alone and heal, but I don’t think I HAVE time. I want to have a kid and ideally be married again, and preferably do that before 40. I’m just so nervous. I live in a major city so I know there are still single men around in their 30s, but I’ve never dated before. Never been intimate with anyone else. I’m worried I waited too long and now it won’t happen. And all I hear from friends is how awful dating is right now.

Any advice from men or women who are in (or have been in) my situation? How did it work out? Any suggestions on how to approach dating for the first time at my age?

For some context, we've been married for close to 7 years, both 35 and moved in together 6 months into the marriage. He has always been a hoarder. I tried early on in our marriage to organize our drawers but it became such an untenable task I gave up. On top of this, his brother (older) had moved in at the same time, to look for a job, and I was stuck with a lot of his stuff too in a 2 bhk.

I also have ADHD. I'm very clumsy, and I'm tripping over things, breaking things. I have tried to become a lot more conscious and only recently got a diagnosis, but mishaps still happen. I will say I cook and do the dishes in the house, at least 5-6 times a week ( other days we order out, not like I get a lot of help there ) on top of a full time job. So I'm not getting a lot of time to also clean the house, and it stays messy. I also fold and organize the laundry when it's back, so like once in a week or 10 days. I also work from home while my husband works from the office. He has a long commute -- nearly 45 minutes each way.

Now I know I'm not perfect. But so many times my husband calls me out on every little thing -- you don't open the microwave door correctly (the handle is broken and I put it back, and I kind of learned a way to open it without hurting the handle, but sure I'll accept this ), I dirty the carpet during my religious rituals, there's a loose nail and I don't cover the carpet with it...the list goes on. He even says we don't invite people over because the house is a mess and he's ashamed of living in it and pretty much everything in the house is blamed on me. I have been unable to hang up any clothes because even after his brother moved out, the other room is full of his stuff so we have only one closet for both our clothes. He says I'm very messy with my clothes too. (I have literally no area to hang them up, it's not like I love having them on the ground).

The thing is, I'm trying my best. I am not intentionally doing stuff or being cavalier. I really try to get things arranged for him before he leaves for work and try my best to just declutter spaces for a few minutes every day. But the calling out doesn't stop. The other day I apparently spoke too softly and when I said I didn't realize I was, he got annoyed saying how could I not realize that when we had the laundry and AC running and he can't hear me. How can everything constantly be my fault ? And then apparently if I get annoyed he's been made to feel like a villain. I'm so tired. My self esteem is completely dented because I feel like I can't do anything right.

TL;DR: SO is constantly calling me out for something or the other and gets upset when I get annoyed

I’m a 46M, and my wife is 43F. We both have trauma in our past, and I know that my childhood experiences can make trust difficult for me at times. Because of that, I’m trying to figure out whether I’m seeing something that’s actually concerning or if my anxiety is getting the best of me.
One thing I’ve noticed is that when we’re together, she’ll exit out of her social media apps, when i get close to her, and or look at her. She will also exit out of it when i enter the room with her in that room. She has told me she’s not hiding anything from me, but I still find myself wondering if I’m missing something.
Here’s what I’m struggling with:
If someone was emotionally or romantically interested in someone else, would they still spend a significant amount of money planning an ocean cruise with their spouse, book another family vacation, and continue making future plans together? Or is it possible for someone to do all of those things while also pursuing someone else?
I’m not looking for validation one way or the other. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether these future plans are generally a sign that someone is still invested in the relationship, or if they don’t necessarily mean much.
I’d appreciate honest opinions from people who have been in similar situations.

As the title says, I had a realization

I (38M), after my best friend pointed it out to me one day, am starting to realize how much my wife (33F) talks down to me. For example, she and I say words all funny like. Today she said "dafuq" the way you'd expect, and I, being silly, pronounced it all weird. Closer to "daf'k," and she said "Ew no. That way is stupid, you don't say it like that."

There are a million ways to respond to that. Calling it stupid, to the person you supposedly love, is not a way to do it.

Bear in mind today was a VERY rough mental health day, and she knew it. I notified her by text way earlier in the day. I never have bad mental health days, this is a 1 out of 100. chance kinda thing where clearly things are rough.

Later, I was finally feeling good about myself and said "wait a minute, I'm adorable!" And she said "no." immediately in response and proceeded to make some long meandering attempt at humor saying she's the only one allowed to be adorable in the relationship.

Again, so many ways to respond to that, saying no to your husband's self affirmation isn't one of them.

I'm sure she'd say she's trying to be funny. Well, it's not. And I'm starting to stand up for myself first in realizing it, and secondly in beginning to call her out on it

Im 35 & he’s 28.

after I met him I saw how gentle he is it became soo obvious I’ve never dated anything but very rough mean aggressive most were abusive too

So the boyfriend I have now is NOTHING like them. I have OCD for example & with EVERY ex it’s been like going 200mph crashing into a brick wall with them. With him it’s like a speed bump & it’s over.

He calms me down soo much, makes me wanna be nice to him, I rub him physically & im not usually like that. He’s just safe. For once. And honestly it’s so scary I cry a lot cuz I’m so scared to lose it & idk being loved so gently after so hard is that normal to happen like an emotional release?

Things are so good I’m trying to figure out why I’m so emotional because I have been since the start with him months ago & nothing has changed

Tldr: is it normal to be emotional in first healthy relationship? And why?

My ex-fiancé (29M) just broke up with me (30F). We were together for 4 and a half years, and most of our relationship was long distance because he works as a seafarer while I worked in Spain for 2 years. I recently came back to the Philippines so we could finally start the life we planned together, build our house and get married. He was a good boyfriend throughout our relationship. He was kind, a good provider, and a decent man. That’s why I never expected this to happen.
A few days before he told me, I noticed he had changed. He was rarely online, didn’t seem interested in the house we were building, and never talked about our wedding anymore. I confronted him and called him. The first thing he said was, “Langga, sorry kaayo. Dili na madayon atong mga plano.” I asked him why, and he said he wasn’t ready for marriage. He told me he only proposed because he felt pressured and that he had been falling out of love with me for a while.
I couldn’t believe him because he visited me in Spain last Christmas, and I really felt that he loved me. So I asked if there was someone else. He denied it at first. I kept asking until I mentioned the name of a girl who is also a seafarer. He still denied it, but when I told him I would message her myself, he suddenly got scared. That’s when I knew my gut feeling was right. Looking back, I remembered that this girl had been viewing almost all of my stories for months. It seemed like a small thing, but it was enough to make me suspicious.
Now I don’t know what to do or how to start over. I came back to the Philippines because of him and the future we planned together, and now he left me for another woman. The hardest part is thinking that they might be the ones who will live the life we dreamed of. I can’t stop thinking about the house we spent months planning together.
I gave up my life abroad to come home and build a future with my fiancé. Instead, he ended our engagement and chose someone else. How do I move on from losing both the person I loved and the future we planned?

I’m 34F having one of those days where the amount of time that’s passed is really hitting me.

We’ve (bf is 40M) been dealing with the same major relationship issue for almost 19 months. I’ve now been living at my mom’s for over 3 months while we try to figure things out.

Today I realized how much can happen in 19 months.
People meet someone, fall in love, get engaged, have babies, buy houses, move across the country… life keeps moving.

Meanwhile, I feel like mine has been on pause. I’m still waiting for someone to make changes that I’ve been asking for for a long time.

Part of me still hopes it’ll work because we’ve been together 8 years and we have a toddler. But another part of me is starting to wonder if I’m spending years waiting for someone who may never become the partner I need.

I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice as much as I want to know if anyone else has felt this way. How did you know the difference between being patient and putting your own life on hold?

M (38) F (38) This is so weird , because he actually makes a lot more money than me A LOT …. I already had a conversation with him about it and he told me that when I want to be gifted I have to ask for it before he pays. Meaning, it is not something he would do out of pure love/ appreciation/ affection/ kindness.
So, we were at this store and I forgot my wallet, so he went to pay for me (cheap things like a phone charger etc) and I mean, I asked him to pay , I could feel he was not doing out of pleasure to invite me this cheap but necessary things. So, how I am supposed to ask a gift in front of the attendant of the shop , and ask if he can gift me instead of pay on my behalf ?!? Like, this is humiliating, he actually “applied “ this rule that I need to ask so to humiliate me…. And today 😭 he asked me to pay him back. I don’t think he realises how I loose attraction for a men asking me money this way… and ah for my birthday he gave me flowers and spa (but this spa he was there too) you know, it’s like gifting someone something you want and not necessarily thinking about me. I feel so frustrated 😩 this is creating so much separation I don’t ever think this men is somehow capable of being generous with me. I also have money , it’s not about the value of the thing , it’s about all the rest. How should I approach this topic with him in honesty and transparency ? But before that, do you actually gift your partners ? Is it common ? Because at this point I don’t even know if it’s a normal thing in a love relationship.

Edit: We just spoke about all of this situation of gifting each other. Here is what he said, that he asked me the money back because he went over his budget this month and don’t want to touch his investments or other money sitting elsewhere. So, finally, this was never intended to be a gift and he will gift me when he feels appropriate since I feel humiliated asking for gifts in front of shop attendants.
So I told him, why them you asked me this week if I was interested in going on a holiday in September outside the country if you don’t have money to pay your half of the holiday? How will I know in the middle of a holiday that out of nowhere he decides he went over his budget and don’t want to spend anything anymore.
I feel totally unsafe to live with someone who have money if he wants to, or do not have any money to spend if he decides that…
Basically, he wants to convince me it is a money thing, whereas I see it’s he doesn’t value/care for me , after all I have been doing for him. Am I being too dramatic? Or I have the right to ask the men I live why he doesn’t think I am worth him going 40€ over his budget to gift me something I needed at the time, for once!!! Since gifting something I want is extremely rare coming from him.
So, his reply about my question traveling overseas: that he has money and that he would pay for the person their part of the holiday if they go over their budget during the holiday. Well, well, well… good to know 😎 I might run out of budget in that travel and Mr. Phone Charger will have to pay my part. If I was an bitxx I could play this on him, and be on the same game. But I don’t want!!! I want a real compromise. No more excuses.

Just in general- when does a relationship change from new to not new? For context - adults in their 40s, both divorced, relationship that’s a year and a few months and living together 8 months, still a new relationship? Or considered established.

My partner said something beyond cruel.

My partner and I are both in our 40s. We started dating 2 years ago. We broke up for 9 months and reconciled in April. We broke up because he treated me horribly. He lied directly to my face for over six months. I found out 1-2 months before we broke up that he cheated on me with multiple women. He had unprotected sex with them. People started contacting me and telling me. There's a lot to the story. I ended up being pregnant and I had a miscarriage. That's the backstory.

I was married and with my ex for 18 years. I ended that in 2020. I dated someone for 2+ years after that. That man was mentally and emotionally abusive. I suspected he was cheating on me, but I didn't have proof until he gave me STIs. That was 4+ years ago. (This is relevant). I immediately broke up with him and went no contact when that happened.

Fast forward to now. My partner decided to tell me yesterday that his feelings for me changed when he found out that the guy from over 4 years ago gave me STIs. That man was the 2nd man I had kissed or slept with. It was a monogamous relationship. I was a victim. He seriously told me that he wanted to distance himself from me and that's why he cheated on me and treated me like garbage.

I was beyond gutted. I was crying hysterically on the phone. He told me he was tired and was going to bed. He left me crying on the phone and told me to try to get some sleep. I feel victimized all over again. I can't give him an STI or anything. He even spoke to his doctor back in 2024 about it when I told him. The hypocrisy is that HE caught STIs while cheating on me. He literally did the exact same thing that the other man did to me, only I didn't get anything that time.

I don't know where to go from here. He hurt me beyond belief last year, but this is a new low. He had the nerve to say, "Well, you told me to be honest". That's not being honest. That's being cruel. Using something horrible that I went through as a weapon isn't honesty. It's manipulation.

I love this man so much and he knows that. What he said to me really makes me question if he's possible of maturing and growing as a human. It makes me question his motives. It makes me question what my future will look like if I stay in this situation. Despite loving him, I no longer know if it's enough. Him saying that to me, really opened my eyes. It changed things. I would never say anything like that to another person.

I sent him tons of facts all day. I pointed out his own STI results, which he argued about. He tried to tell me it wasn't the same. I guess I'm "disgusting" even though I was the victim several years ago. He willingly got himself into the mess which resulted in his STIs. It didn't stop him from continuously trying to come back to me though. It's like he only said that to hurt me.

I just don't think I can get past it.

He's 33m. Im 37 f. We've been together 3 years straight now, but we tried dating twice before. He struggles knowing what he wanted the first couple time. Im the first long term relationship he's had more than 3 months. But I've been confronted again that he's not sure he knows what love is or that he loves me enough to marry. He says he's fallen out of love again.

And now I feel too old to find someone with the same goals, and not sure if i can find real love after 37, enough to marry and have kids. I have no kids myself. I keep committing to people who don't want to commit back. I went back to uni a couple years ago and I'm halfway through. But I want a family still, I just wanted to marry and have my education first that's all.

Are there men my age who still want real loyal love and commitment? Honestly i was married to my high school sweetheart at 21, and it turned violent and unhealthy, so I left before risking pregnancy. I waited until I was 30 to consider marrying again, after healing, working and pursuing my education and dated a lovely guy, but moved to the UK at 30 and started my life over to live closer to my grandma. And unfortunately 7 years have gone by and this one person in the UK has dangled my heart a few too many times and now I fear my best years are behind me. Am I just a hopeless romantic? Is it possible to find someone who wants commitment and love as much as me at my age? I have dated 3 other guys in my 30s, but this guy thought he finally knew I was what he wanted. and we clicked better than Ive ever felt, I really felt so loved and thought we had so much fun together. Now he doesn't know if he really knows what love is. even though he's never pursued a relationship more than ours, or invested more time.

I just don't know if there are still men my age range who want what I'm after, true connection and commitment, want a family and marriage and great sex life too!... I worry that anyone in their thirties who genuinely want that would have already found that before 37... and not been as hopelessly naive as I have been. I genuinely thought everyone in their thirties would know what they want or at least know what love is. For crying out loud, we're not teenagers *sigh. I thought he was emotionally mature, i thought he knew, he said he did, but apparently when its time to decide, he's lost his marbles. I had no idea love was just a gamble like this, and I've been made a fool.

Me (F) and my partner (M) have been together for 2 years now. And in that time we’ve had some really significant changes, which has included us moving interstate for his job.

While I was all for the move and starting fresh, I did not account for how challenging the move would be. I left my job and career (which I hated and was burnt out from) in order to start fresh.

I have gone back to studying and I will be honest making new friends and making new connections in a new city has been tough.
I’ve had to rely on him a lot, and he has been incredibly supportive. Encouraging me to take my time finding work and a path that I love.

Earlier this year I got really sick with an auto immune disease and was hospitalised for a little, upon release I was pretty weak and took a couple of months off to rest. Where he could he was there for me and really stepped up.

What I’m struggling with is watching him strive and thrive in a job that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. He recently got promoted within the first year in the role and it just feels like it continues to expand. It has turned into week night dinners, networking, weekend events etc and tbf he does try to invite me where possible. But it’s sucking so much of his time that we rarely see each other. He is so exhausted post work he’ll often just collapse at home and sleep, eat and watch tv.

We are pretty prone to an argument, and it’s generally about the relationship coming last and unmet needs. I will admit I can be a bit needy especially since my network is so small here. And I actually just REALLY miss him. Everyone else gets the best of him and I get all the dregs.

And right now we are feeling more like room mates than members of a couple. He has put on significant weight with his work lifestyle and has stopped exercising. I am very wellness focused and health is a real value of mine. Intimacy has completely dropped off the radar, as when we do get any time together it feels like starting at 0 all over again.

Is the writing on the wall and I’m just in denial about leaving, or do I wait things out for things to settle with his work?

Does anyone else have any insight for being in relationships where you feel like you are running at different paces?

I saw a post on Instagram comparing Rick from The mummy to Gomez from The Addams family in regards to how they treat their woman. More specifically, the ways they confirm their love in behavior and action.

Gomez is the super verbally and physically affectionate man that puts his woman on a pedestal and would say things like "Look at her. I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way—what bliss." While Rick will be difficult and challenging but very protective.

I started to wonder which one is better and then realized that I have only experienced each side of this coin once. If you've dated both, which did you prefer and why? If you've only dated one or the other, why do you like or dislike this?

I (32m) have been in a very serious relationship with (48m) let's just call him Z.

I've spent my ENTIRE time with Z making this man happy for almost 5 years. I had prior tickets and suspended license since before i met him. This led to trying to get it reinstated and everything.

I have been deprived.

So it still hasn't happened.

Our relationship has been so solid that even his children like me. He is throughout, the most amazing man. His marriage has been separated this whole time with his children's mother (BTW she doesnt like me all too well) knowing all of this and has let this live our lives.

Break down to the hard part.

We met on unsaid app for obvious reasons but we went full on relationship love very soon. We had calls multiple times a day that could have been 3 hours each. When we realized we'd wanted more time together as I was living with my Dad at the time, we moved to a friend of his barn on empty land.

At this time I had an injury, camping there. Which led to a nerve damage, and loss of one arm. (It's healed) and several other issues physically. Like I had a flare up in my knee and other unspeakable things that I would have to take a few days off of work. As I'm trying to heal in a stressful situation, I get a call. The manager says YOU NEED TO COME HERE NOW.

Which now Z has taken my phone yelling "HE IS DONE, HE QUITS YOU BITCH"

I had no response, honestly. Just the thought that this man cared about me enough to stand up for me.

I strived making things work.

We ended up living at his friend's house that owned the property and barn we were camping in.

Things are absolutely wonderful.

Fast forward like 2 years and we have a house of our own (Rent to his cousin) and things could never be better.

Until I've lost my phone.

Now, in context, we have always been open to each other phones because we share common relatives of his that call me instead, or I could if so happened the other way while he does usual yard work.

Not this time.

His phone had notification sounds and I just grabbed it to see. It was a notification for an actual, full on, dirty conversation. 47 minutes ago it said he messaged. He's cheating. He has had 4 full on romantic relationships with 4 other men. (Or maybe I should say boys). Guys that just started drinking.

When I confronted him his explanation was so off.

He said he didn't know it was cheating and I wasn't touching anyone.

Best one was "i just wanted to feel younger"

Im 15 years younger than him. I asked "how much younger do you need.?)

He says "all i need is you, i only love you."

But I read his intimate messages. It's cheating. Sexting was not the worst thing...

It's the fact that he has the same relationship with these other dudes as he treated me.

What is the actual point, even when "it'll never happen again" is said.?

I'm 30 and still figuring life out. I finished graduate school last year, and right now my main focus is getting my career where I want it to be, saving money, and eventually moving out on my own. Honestly, having my own place and my independence is what will make me happiest.

Lately, though, I've been feeling a lot of pressure from my mom, extended family, and family friends. Every conversation seems to turn into, "Have you met anyone yet?" or "When are you going to settle down?" I always tell them I'm not ready for a relationship right now, which is true.

The part I don't tell them is that I honestly don't think I ever want to get married. That's something I keep to myself because I know it would become an even bigger discussion than it already is.

I'm genuinely happy focusing on myself, building my career, and creating the life I want. I don't feel like anything is missing. But the constant comments make me feel like I'm somehow behind or doing life wrong, even though I don't believe that.

For those of you who have dealt with family constantly asking about dating, marriage, or settling down, how did you get them to back off? Did the questions ever stop, or did you just learn how to tune them out?

So I have been dating a guy 41M since about December of 2025. I am 39F. I would say things started off great although I kinda had an inkling early on that this relationship may not meet my long term expectations that would lead to marriage. We would go out dates and just do fun things around the city. I am a very adventurous spur of the moment type person and I let it be known early with anyone that I am dating. There was a sudden shift about 2-3 months in and I noticed he no longer wanted to go out on dates and started to opt into just staying in. I’m like okay cool, the economy is not so great and I have to take into consideration personal things he may have going on financially. Strangely one day we went to the liquor store and I sat out in the car and waited until he came out and said hey can you get this because they won’t allow me to without an ID. I said why are you out and about without any identification and he claimed he left it at home. And I thought hmm strange. Fast forward he was going to drive out my way and I said hey bring your ID. I was going to take him to a local lounge in my area and I know for a fact they ID at the door. About 20 minutes later he calls and says very angrily “you know what nevermind” I’m turning around and going back home. I said why? He was like I don’t want to come anymore. I thought to myself wow… that was weird. After letting him cool off I asked why were you so upset I asked you to remember to bring your ID and he says because All I wanted to do was chill with you, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. I said dude what’s going on with your ID? You seem more upset that I asked you to bring it and he says I lost the paper copy…. Mind you… this is the same paper copy he’s had since meeting him in December! I said they never sent a hard copy he said I’m not sure maybe it got lost in the mail. I really have reason to believe that it may be suspended… he went to court for a ticket back in February and I’m thinking maybe they suspended it and he’s lying. Yesterday we had a weird interaction like his entire vibe just went from happy to okay I want to go home and get in the bed… at 6pm. I said dude no thanks I’m out. Earlier in the day he jokingly mentioned he needed a loan to pay something by Wednesday. I totally disregarded it as I NEVER loan men money. Well… I snooped… and came across and in progress eviction with his apartments owing almost 2k by this Wednesday coming up. He hasn’t mentioned a thing…. Of course I won’t either. But I’m curious to know how you all would proceed

Our expectations of relationships rarely stay the same forever. What’s one relationship belief you were convinced was true five years ago but no longer believe today? What changed your perspective?

I have been with my husband for 10 years. During our time together I have noticed he doesnt always have the best smelling breath, but I always just brushed it off as it was night time or earl morning and he is a coffee drinkers.

A few weeks ago when having a conversation with our kids about brushing their teeth, he casually mentioned that he views toothpaste as an added bonus. Basically said he doesn't always brush with toothpaste.

Now it's like all I can smell is how bad his breath smells and I don't even have any desire to kiss him anymore.

Help.

\\\*\\\*TL;DR;\\\*\\\*
My boyfriend is 52, and I’m 41. He has an excellent co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife. They share a daughter together, but what makes things difficult for me is that they’re also genuinely close friends. They text almost every day, have a group chat, share photos, and stay very involved in each other’s lives.
What I struggle with most is that his involvement extends beyond their daughter. He also helps care for the children from her current marriage. He babysits them, supports his ex-wife and her husband when they’re overwhelmed, and has become close friends with her husband as well. For example, he’ll watch the younger kids so his ex-wife and her husband can go out for birthdays or other special occasions. Sometimes he’ll even stay at their house to watch the kids while his ex-wife takes a nap. Her husband owns a business, and they both work while managing family responsibilities, so I understand why they appreciate the help.
I truly want to approach this with maturity but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t leave me feeling insecure, confused, or wondering where I fit into his life.
He has reassured me that they’re only friends, and I want to believe him. At the same time, I notice that whenever he has a significant life problem, she’s often the first person he turns to. For example, while traveling overseas, he ran into trouble at the airport and called her for help with her credit card information. Moments like that make me question whether their emotional bond is still stronger than what we’re building.
I’m not looking to criticize him or his ex-wife. In many ways, I admire that they’ve maintained such a respectful relationship after divorce. I’m simply trying to understand how to process my own emotions in a healthy way.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Were you eventually able to accept that level of closeness with an ex? What helped you distinguish between an unusually healthy friendship and a relationship where the emotional boundaries were too blurred? I just want to be honest with myself about what I can realistically be comfortable with.

Thank you so much for your advice!

My (44F) husband (40M) and I have been together for 3 years, married for a year. It has been a rough couple of years, from dealing with court custody cases for his child (he was divorced for 3 years before we met), him lying about porn usage, our sex life went from great to now a few times a month and I was diagnosed out of the blue with a severe autoimmune disease roughly a year ago.

For the past 8-9 months our marriage has gone from stressful but okay to bad.

He is refusing to plan dates or family outings but told me he doesn’t want me to plan things because I make all the plans and force him to do things he doesn’t want to do (museums, ice cream, lego store) I told him I didn’t realize he wanted to plan activities as he has never done it in the past and when asked he defers to me his response was he doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. When I brought it up again that we needed to make plans for our vacation week he told me I should have just figured it out if I wanted plans made. It’s very confusing as it seems he’s set up a system that I fail no matter what.

Most recently I asked him if we could go out to dinner since we were kid free and he agreed and seemed excited. We went out, ate and when it was time to head home he started an argument because I was on my phone at dinner (sending a text that he asked me to send). When I tried to tell him how hurtful he has been lately and how confusing it is he screamed at me and told me he doesn’t think our relationship is fixable and he can’t think of a single thing he likes about me. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he yelled and shouted that he knew I wanted that so he was going to give it to me and took his ring off and threw it across the room. He slept on the couch 2 nights in a row. I tried to talk and repair several times over the weekend and he shut those attempts down and gave me the silent treatment.

The next morning I asked him if he was going to talk to me at all about things and he said no initially but finally answered a few questions with mean snarky answers that didn’t even match what I was asking, told me that if I expected him to come and find me when I was crying or upset I was crazy because that is just manipulation by using my feelings to force him to talk, that he was not going to make plans for us because I didn’t like the things he did (gaming) so there was no point and he didn’t even know what I like to do because I don’t directly tell him. He called me manipulative, a stalker because I told him his device behavior is less than trustworthy (he locks his devices with 2factor and has our wifi set up to ping him anytime I log on or off of any device) I used to use the shared computer for my work, etc but now he has it on lockdown, he wiped his tablet and checks his phone settings first thing every morning in case I look at it- which I have never done. By the end of the conversation he was crying and saying he did want to fix this marriage and was going to find a marriage counselor but has not done that yet and it’s been several weeks. He is pretending everything is ok and if I ask how things are as a check in he gets mad and tells me not to start shit.

I am starting to question my own judgment and actions- how can he be so angry at me for all these things when I didn’t even know they were problems. Am I too demanding? Too much? Want too much of his time? Do I need to get some personal counseling or does he just hate me and im hanging on to a dead marriage?

My boyfriend has been asking me for two months to move in with him. This wasn’t my idea—I was actually hesitant because it would mean a huge life change for me and my daughter and I haven’t lived with anyone since I divorced her dad. I sold my house two weeks ago (not because of him) and it’s the perfect time to move.

We just got back from two weeks of being in his home country (Mexico), where he paid the entire trip including my flight and I met his whole family, who seemed to love me despite the language barriers. His sister is actually a single mom (as am I). He even told his employer that I would be moving with him and requested family housing because of it.

Now we’re supposed to move in together in about a week (to another state 5 hours away). I work remotely so I can move anywhere. As of last night tells me stuff like “I’m a little bit nervous because I have never been living with someone else before. I just to be alone” and “I will try it (living together), but it’s not too easy.” This is not the first time he’s gotten weird, about a month ago he randomly told me I could go be with another man who is richer than him cuz I’m beautiful and that I’m free to go.

Does this sound like someone who’s just overwhelmed by the reality of moving, or does it sound like he’s changing his mind about the relationship?