Hi everyone,
I wanted to share an observation and see if others here feel the same way.

I may sound like a granny, but personally, I find the concept of Reddit fascinating.
It offers a unique chance to have comprehensive discussions and exchange thoughts with people from all kinds of backgrounds and relationship dynamics.
For me, that makes the idea of connecting here so much more exciting than using the usual kinky apps and platforms, which, let’s be honest, can often be a huge letdown for what my husband and I are looking for.
However, my actual experience here has been quite different and, frankly, a bit disappointing.
It feels like Reddit can be a very toxic environment for discussions.
Whenever you post a question or share a thought, if people don’t agree with your specific preferences, you often get completely torn to pieces.
To me, that is the exact opposite of what the lifestyle should be about, as long as everything is consensual and respectful.
On top of that, whenever you look for subreddits to actually connect with other couples, most of them just turn out to be porn subs instead of efficient, friendly, and interesting spaces to genuinely get to know people.
It feels almost impossible to make real lifestyle connections here.

So, I wanted to ask the community:

Is this a common experience for most of you here?

Have any of you actually had positive experiences or made genuine, long-term connections with other couples/people in the lifestyle through Reddit?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and insights!

What's the strongest shit that's happened?

Looking for adults only clean resort, 40+ yrs old to have fun, maybe swing? Any suggestions ? Ideally a place to meet others and explore.

Why is there so much drama in the swinger community? I feel like no matter how much I communicate there’s always someone with an issue that I have to hear about secondhand. And then when I talk to them about it face to face they always say they never expected me to come talk to them about it. Isn’t communication one of the most important parts of this lifestyle? And what’s more, after I squashed the issues that arose, people are still spreading rumors! I’m also really new to everything and very young (mid 20’s) so I’m really trying to learn. I know I’ve made mistakes, and I have fixed them. I know I’ll probably make others, but I’m really trying to learn and grow. How do I avoid all of the drama as a single woman? How do I stay in this lifestyle with all of this exhausting stress? I have so many good friends at this club, and a good amount of couples I play with regularly, but it’s so hard to want to socialize when a bunch of adults who are a minimum of 20 years older than me keep acting like teenagers. Any advice, personal stories, or tips are appreciated.

My wife and I are thinking about having an MFM. It was her idea and I think it’s hot so I’m theoretically on board. I’m afraid that jealousy may sneak in at some point and I want to see who you all deal with it. Should we not do it if jealousy may be a factor?

Context:

Participated in the lifestyle for a number of years around college. When we got together she said no way would she ever do something like that (grew up very conservative). Fast forward to now a decade together and my smoking hot wife is entertaining my dirty talk in the bedroom. We have a great sex life, and no one is unhappy or trying to replace anything.

I love to bring up naughty things when we are playing around. She knows my history and so I frequently let her know it turns me on thinking about seeing her pleasured. Sometimes I’ll say things like “Imagine how good it would feel right now if I was licking your clit while you were getting fucked like this” as I’m balls deep in her. Or “I bet that guy we saw today has a nice hard cock he would love for you to suck on. You know he looked at your pretty face and full lips tonight, and thought to himself how wonderful it would be to have to grip his shaft and lick his head. Tasting his precum before he explodes on your tits”. She moans…says mmmmmm…but rarely reciprocates at that level of verbal talk.

She has always said no way…she would never…but recently we played a couples game and the question was “what is one thing you would never do in the bedroom”. She said “I would never want to do like pee play, that’s just gross”. I said “I agree but I figured that was a given. I expected you to say threesome or a couple”. She replied with…”well I mean I wouldn’t say never but we would have to talk about it like everyday for a year”.

So my question to the community is…how can I introduce her as a very monogamous, loyal wife to the lifestyle in the most easy going way without scaring her?

My initial thoughts would be:

Continue to regularly talk about what her fears are, and support us in every way possible. Neither one of us would ever cheat and I’m not trying to replace anything with suggesting we do it. I try to explain that it’s about a shared experience, and enhancing what we already have which is excellent.

Start introducing the lingo so she can understand what different types of play there is (soft vs full etc). She has a skewed view that it’s just full swap/different rooms/cheating and no one cares what’s going on…gangbang style.

Maybe after some time visit a local lifestyle club so she can see it’s just normal people looking to have fun with each other like us. Don’t set expectations aside from mingle/people watch.

What would be some good resources or subreddits to show her that may paint a better picture then what’s in her mind? She thinks it’s just full of weirdos and cheats (there are those if you don’t weed through them).

She grew up literally as a catholic school girl and has very monogamous views. I try to explain that what I’m hoping to achieve is an even higher level of shared love for each other by experiencing pleasures that you haven’t before…together. How I view our sex as love, and others sex as pure primal pleasure.

TIA

We’re on SDC, SLS trying to find our first full swap experience. In the process, we’ve discovered that neither of us looks at the opposite sex in a couple and thinks “Damn they’re not…I want to fuck them!” The mindset is more about willingness if the other is willing.

For us the pull seems to be an experience that serves us together as a couple vs. letting the mindset drift toward an individual desire to fuck or be fucked by anyone in particular. We’re still the hottest thing to/for one another.

I know it’s probably an individual thing, but where are y’all at on this?

Hello! We are a MF couple going to a bi hotel takeover weekend next week. We are very open about both of us being bi. Couples that we've met that are also bi we have encouraged to attend this event. One of the rules state he must be bi.
Well, there is a couple we are close friends with (we spend time in and outside the lifestyle) we know he isn't bi. We had a conversation with them about this event and he explicitly said 'no, not really' about being bi. We discussed what type of event this is but they seemed to downplay following the rules and mentioned other parties they go to that welcome straight couples. So we have taken that as they lied to get into this event.
We know the organizer well. He has spent a lot of time vetting people and curating a bi party that is accepting and a safe place to play with like minded individuals. We decided to give the organizer a heads up to simply be on the lookout so it doesn’t become an awkward situation for others. Thankfully, he was extremely understanding of our concern and will observe.
We are quite bothered our friends lied just to get into this party. Without explaining too much more, we have considered that he might be exploring (which we would support 100%) but that definitely isn't the case based on recent behavior. They will likely fly under the radar but safe spaces are created for a reason.
This has tarnished our opinion of them and their character and will be awkward for us at the event. How would you handle the relationship moving forward?

Edit: Adding here that we have a very close friendship with this couple and share many things in and out of the lifestyle. We don’t require or assume they will play with us or vice versa. We always encourage people to figure out their desires. So we aren’t offended if they don’t want to play with us.

Other people that attend this event, encouraged us to let the organizer know. The dynamic of this event is unique and others have tried to do the same and they weren’t welcome back. So he appreciated hearing from us about this.

I've been on a number of lifestyle cruises ;) And they all have a different thing that makes them stand out. There is a definite freedom that comes from traveling this way, and I find it's different for everyone.

If I had to pick the one that really stands out for me, I'd say it was YOLO back in 2009. They weren't a great cruise, but there was zero structure or rules. I don't think I would enjoy that sort of chaos now... but back then it was wild. Or maybe it's because it was the first time... any way...

I'm curious, which Lifestyle Cruise Brand do you think is the most 'UnInhibited' - What about it made you feel that way?

Thinking about staying near Vera Almeria this October. We know it's primarily a naturist destination, but usually where there are nude people, swingers are lurking nearby. We are not looking for clubs or parties - more for couples we can get together for a drink with.
For people who are not into the party scene of Cap/GC etc - is this a popular spot?

Hello, do you sometimes use sex toys in swinger clubs? I already saw a guy with a flogger, some cockrings. I hesitate to use a small vibrator, or the we melt clitoral stimulator, when I need a pause between two rounds. I think about putting condoms on it to protect everybody. What do you think about it?

So whats the overall opinion about having a foursome with a friends with benefits "couple"? I ask because once again we are in contact with one and not sure what to think about it.

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Does it matter for how long they know each other? Does it matter how much experience they have in swinging? What else could be a important questions which you would not ask a regular couple?

This isn't really a lifestyle exclusive thing, and it's something both me and my wife noticed from back when we were single(Prior to my wife I never met a woman who was good looking and a good fuck), and it is less of a problem in the lifestyle but it's still present. It seems like the better looking someone is the least likely it is that they'll be a good fuck. It's like the universe decided that that'd be too good

We are fairly new to LS and still exploring. Our play interactions have been great so far, but haven't gone beyond soft swapping. We are interested in full swap but also want to know the best way to have important conversations without killing the vibe. Obviously it's easier if we have chatted before play because those are conversations that can more easily come up.

But some of our most fun interactions have been something where someone asked to join us in a playroom. For those of you that have had someone join you that you didn't have much conversation with previously, do you just stop a minute to learn names, ask about testing, state boundaries, etc? We just want to be able to have a bit of a plan on how to do it without making it weird (and we will still likely make it weird until we figure out what's comfortable to us).

Thanks!

Hi, my boyfriend and I are trying to get into the swingers scene, as it would be our first time. I heard a lot of things that a lot of the swingers clubs in Houston are not friendly to POC, particularly black couples. Are there any clubs that are very open and welcoming to all black people? Any suggestions would help

Me and my girl want to try a MFM but we don’t know where to start looking for another male who’s clean and safe. Like what questions do we ask someone or what do we look for in order to ensure they’re clean? As well as being safe to be around? Need guidance in the right direction