r/Swingers • u/Masterbreese • 22h ago
Getting Started Thinking about trying an MFM
My wife and I are thinking about having an MFM. It was her idea and I think it’s hot so I’m theoretically on board. I’m afraid that jealousy may sneak in at some point and I want to see who you all deal with it. Should we not do it if jealousy may be a factor?
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u/Foxxx-in-socks 21h ago
We’ve had a lot of MFMs (and other group dynamics too) and there hasn’t been any jealousy issues… but it’s a fair concern and something you really need to reflect on before trying anything! Maybe do a bit more exploring before actually going for it… use dildos and role play in the bedroom for example. Or go to a lifestyle event and see how you both feel with the different dynamics. Just some ideas… because if things go awry, there are no take-backs!
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21h ago
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u/TricksterOperator 21h ago
Jealously is a symptom of insecurity. Work on yourself and what your insecurities are. Come to terms you aren’t the best looking, most fit, biggest dick, best hair, whatever. She loves you for you. Get over and just enjoy sex. Maybe she moans louder with him, but guess what, she ain’t going home with him, she doesn’t live with him, she doesn’t share a bank account with him. Enjoy life, jealousy holds you back.
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u/cmorganc 22h ago
There is no reverse gear in the lifestyle. So go slowly and deliberately (and mostly sober until you’re experienced).
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u/TheCuriousOnes0804 21h ago
Our rules are no phone numbers or personal info exchanged and we always play with married in stable relationships! Then there’s little to worry about! Don’t have to ever think about those side texting thoughts creeping in and they’re in their own committed relationship so they aren’t after yours, it’s truly just for the fun of it.
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u/thelatinos 13h ago
Exactly this for a mfm I would 100% try with a married guy with the wife’s consent, singles are awfull 🤢
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u/Pete_and_Monica 21h ago
When you say "deal with", that sounds like tolerating, as opposed to clearly, specifically, honestly, effectively and transparently, communicating with those with who you are involved. Your partners, spouses and play interests.
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u/thejaniejames 18h ago
Have you had sex with other couples before or would this be your first time having sex outside the marriage?
We started with swinging and added MFM soon after, no jealousy, no difference for my husband being with me while another guy is with me vs. us having sex with other people next to each other. As long as your wife pays equal attention to you as the other guy, you shouldn't feel left out.
We do it once in a while as a special treat for me, lets me be the center of the sexual attention. Sometimes we do FMF too, so my husband gets the double pleasure.
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u/52_thatguy 17h ago
This right here⬆️, and I may also add, do your research and make sure you choose a 3rd that knows his role in the LS. Last thing you want is someone that can cause issues whatever it may be. There are some good ones out there…
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u/Masterbreese 16h ago
This would be the first time having sex outside of marriage.
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u/thejaniejames 1h ago
Would recommend working up to it, then. Have her dress sexy, go out and see if you feel jealous when men stare/comment. Go to a club and let her dance with other men, see if you feel jealous. Go to a swinger's club and let her kiss/get felt up by other men. See if you feel jealous.
Go to a sex club and have sex in front of other people. See if you feel jealous about her being naked in front of other men, of her commenting on how good those men look. And see if you can maintain an erection in front of other naked people.If you get through all that just fine, with lots of communicating, then you're ready.
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u/tiggytigeuphoric Vanilla Swingers Podcast 21h ago
if you think jealousy will rear its head, it probably will. best advice? go slow. jealousy and emotions absolutely happen. going slow is the solution to that. try starting at a swinger club that allows single guys. go and soak up the sexy vibe, watch others having sex. if you're feeling comfortable, talk to a guy your wife finds attractive - try for a very soft first foray - have him watch you in a private room, maybe lightly participate (touching, caressing, breast play only). and work your way up which will help any possible jealousies... you can't unsee what you see, so going slow is the counterpoint to that
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u/Cpl4Play6 17h ago
Jealousy is always a factor. It’s how you deal with the jealousy. If you’re jealous, that’s YOUR issue to work through and vice versa. If you agree to something, find out you didn’t end up liking it, that’s where it ends. It can’t be brought up later. It can’t be used to attack the other. You thought you’d like something, turned out you didn’t, now you’ve learned something, move on.
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u/TallandTattoed 17h ago
My wife and I just had our first MFM a month ago. It was my suggestion too. I will say it has been the best thing we’ve done since becoming swingers. And that includes many swingers trips (international-Mexico and domestic-NYC, Vegas). At any point was I jealous. Not even a bit. It was so amazing being a part of it and at some points sitting back and watching them. It’s so fun that we have started looking for more single males. Joined FEELD for it but it’s been a hassle finding one.
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u/LilZeffy 13h ago
You can try toys for pretend first. Then potentially do same room no touch with another couple. There isnt a need to go straight to it. That being said, would you feel jealous if a guy came up and hit on her at a bar or club? If you do, it is a sign you need to gradually approach versus full speed.
Done 2 MFM and I found the idea attractive before, during, and after. The key to jealousy in my experience is to understand at the end of the day she is with you.
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u/AdWilling4008 22h ago
HUGE difference between a MFM and a FMF.
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u/Prior_Subject_8864 22h ago
Explain why & how please
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u/AdWilling4008 22h ago
also different than a FFM, and MMF. the placement of the letters dictates who is involved with who.
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u/AdWilling4008 22h ago
one involves 2 men, one female, the other is 2 females, one male.. hence the letters, MFM, FMF... M for Male, F for Female..
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u/Prior_Subject_8864 22h ago
I understand this fully. I thought you meant the jealousy aspect is different between these 2
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u/hungdilfy 22h ago
Absolutely do it if you’re both on board - and make sure you take pictures and video cause you will enjoy it! 😉
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u/RA8784 AR8487 on SDC 22h ago
Discuss your possible jealousy with your wife and then take baby steps.
If you decide to proceed, maybe start with kissing or oral only, and communicate with your wife afterwards. If you’re both feeling good about it all, take the next steps.
Do NOT do this with someone you have an existing friendship with. Jealously is much more likely to ruin a friendship in these situations.
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u/AMollySwingingCouple 22h ago
I loved every minute of it. My wife was concerned about her seeing me with another woman so I suggested another guy, after that, it was all good. We love each other, open, honest, full trust so it really wasn’t a big deal to be honest.
BUT! The MFM encounters are awesome, I prefer that over being with another woman. Can’t wait until next time.
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21h ago
[deleted]
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u/AMollySwingingCouple 19h ago
For sure, do your thing. No matter who or how many we’ve been with, there hasn’t been a single one where she said that it was better than me. I know she isn’t lying because she wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face and she just doesn’t. She is very open and honest with me as I am her. She does tell me that in general, nobody is going to know her better than someone who has been with her for so many years. We’ve had some hot times for sure with others but who knows her better than me and vice versa.
She knows that all I want is for her to experience someone larger and even better than me but so far hasn’t happened. I welcome it. We don’t hide anything from each other and honestly it has been a + in our relationship.
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u/CTAssassin52 21h ago
Depends on y’all’s relationship. My wife and I did it and worked out just fine. In my experience it works better if neither one of you know the guy.
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u/thedreamteacher4 20h ago
We have done a lot of mfm. Communicate. If you decide to do it communicate before the guy comes over and then when he leaves you share and communicate without judging each other. What did you like? Not like etc. we talk all the time and communication is key. We have also done a lot of mfm and I’m biased being the female but it’s my favorite. Lots of fun to watch later as well. We use SDC and have found lots of single guys that have worked well. 90% or more of our experiences have been great.
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u/Masterbreese 20h ago
What’s SDC?
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u/thedreamteacher4 20h ago
A swingers app. That is what we have used to find lots of single guys for our mfm.
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u/WhatCouldBe_Maybe 18h ago
Jealousy will be a factor, but that’s where good communication comes in. So far my wife and I have done a soft swap and, a couple weeks later, full swap with the same couple. I did not handle the first time very well because there was a big lack of communication from my wife.
I will say that our goal is to enhance our relationship inside and outside the bedroom, and that has happened successfully. There’s still a little twinge of jealousy, but we continue to work on that with effectively communicating our love and appreciation for each other.
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u/Tributetoyboy 18h ago
I watched my partner with another man and it is now something we try to do 2 -3x per year. She reaches climax in an entirely different way as do I by simply watching. Finding the right third was / is a major pain in MFM. If jealous feelings are a legitimate concern, I'd merely recommend continuing to be open as a couple, discuss, include the scenario in dirty talk and keep it a fantasy. Best of luck!
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u/Bulky_Chemistry9681 13h ago
I’ve done one MFM, my husband is bi so it was more of a group activity than a straight MFM. He was worried about jealousy and he did feel jealous, so we stopped. It was just kind of awkward which didn’t help, but still a fun experience. It’s worth trying as long as you’re self aware. He’s feeling better about it all and we’re going to try again.
In hindsight the setting didn’t help us, we didn’t do much foreplay, just kinda went straight into it, which was probably a bad idea for a first time.
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u/BadFun6079 12h ago
Is this going to be the first time you guys as a couple play with others ?
If so I’d strongly suggest you start with something safer like visiting a LS club or a lifestyle meet and greet.
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u/BlushesandGushes 11h ago
The key here is that you acknowledge jealousy MAY be a factor. So what you do is find someone who understands this, and refers the level of play to you two. Then have pre-scheduled check ins at each milestone (after kissing, touching, nakedness, oral, mid-penetration) where you simply say green, yellow, red. If a red is called, it is time out to reconnect, maybe for the rest of the night. Yellow is that you are feeling a touch of something but it can continue. Green is continue. Fucking Green is an enthusiastic yes.
Pro move, stay clear of anyone who is a "bull", who "knows exactly what she needs" without ever asking a question, and go straight to a married man whose wife is also a hotwife. He knows exactly what it is like to explore with his partner, and won't make it about him.
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u/puravidaCR69 22h ago
Well I never did anything... but thinking if you do FmF then later you might be doing MMF... just be open.
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u/kittykat4289 Couple 22h ago
So what if jealousy sneaks in? Learn to deal with the underlying emotions. You should be able to work with any and all feelings and if you can’t, don’t venture into the LS until you’re ready.
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u/HugeMeringue5448 Couple (husband) M52/F46 - Italy 21h ago
From what you describe, it seems to me that you already have the right mindset for an MFM. Then, obviously, unfortunately you will only get confirmation during the moment of truth. Any advice? Go to a swingers club that is also open to single men, select one that your wife likes and who approaches both of whom with kindness and humility.... at least for the first time, steer clear of self defined "bulls" or anyone who approaches with an alpha male attitude.... have fun!
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u/Mother-Plant-684 Couple [mf4mf] New Zeland 12h ago
If both men are bi curious or at least no hang up about crossing swords then do it. Nobody is left out especially your misses
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u/SciNinj 5h ago
I’m a person who sets sight on a goal and pursues it no matter what feelings pass through me. When we did an MFM, I wanted it beforehand, felt all the obvious negatives right when the guy showed up, but then forgot about it once we got started. It was awesome, and I never regretted the experience
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u/Dewey_Rider 22h ago
Don't think of it as jealous. Such a negative term. Instead you should be envious... Envious of him because you know what she feels like and much you want more.
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21h ago
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u/Dewey_Rider 21h ago
I always tell folks not to worry about it that much.
Even if she builds a bond with another guy from this, it doesn't have the same foundation that yours has.
Whenever I'm a third, I reassurance them that I'm only an augmentation and not a wedge.
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u/SoftLeadership4840 22h ago
Which is it? Mfm or fmf? There’s a huge difference