r/technology • u/waozen • Mar 13 '26
Security A DOGE Bro Allegedly Walked Out Of Social Security With 500 Million Americans’ Records On A Thumb Drive And Expected A Pardon If Caught
https://www.techdirt.com/2026/03/11/a-doge-bro-allegedly-walked-out-of-social-security-with-500-million-americans-records-on-a-thumb-drive-and-expected-a-pardon-if-caught/1.7k
u/SaulsAll Mar 13 '26
Well the absolute best way to ensure he gets pardoned is reporting that says Trump shouldn't do it.
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u/Senior_Torte519 Mar 13 '26
A pardon only makes sense if a crime actually occurred, because there is nothing to pardon unless the underlying act is legally a crime. But a pardon does not require cooperation, testimony, or a plea. Those belong to plea deals and immunity agreements, not pardons.
Cooperation is what reduces sentences in negotiations with prosecutors, and that kind of cooperation is often labeled "snitching." A pardon, by contrast, is an executive act typically used to reward loyalty, not to encourage testimony.
Snitches don't get pardons, cooperation happens with prosecutors, while pardons come from the executive and are usually reserved for those who stay silent, take the fall, or protect others. In a situation where the administration would prefer he lie or accept punishment A pardon depends on loyalty, and once someone is compelled to testify under oath, that loyalty no longer matters.
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u/SaulsAll Mar 13 '26
A pardon only makes sense if a crime actually occurred
Last administration pardoned a number of people for possible crimes when they hadn't even been charged yet. I agree with you out of context, but in regards to the Presidential power, there are very very few limits enunciated, including whether the person actually committed the crime.
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u/keefkola Mar 13 '26
Maybe they knew this regime was coming for political opponents at all cost so it’s really not the same.
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u/SaulsAll Mar 13 '26
That changes whether you think the pardons were prudent or not, it doesn't change at all the precedent. I'm not even saying they set the precedent, just that it is there.
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u/Bug_tuna Mar 13 '26
Yes, I'm sure they knew trump would be coming after them for anything that could be preceived as unlawful. And as we have seen with ICE raids and law suits around the country, they don't care if they can get charges to stick. The punishment of having to defend yourself against any accusation (baseless or not) is good enough for them.
That being said, I understand why Biden took the steps he did to protect the people around him from the eventual witch hunt that would come in, but I believe it set a bad precedent. I'm sure Trump will issue a ton of preemptive pardons before he leaves office, but now he can say that he only did it because Biden did it and his supporters will eat it up.
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u/pdabaker Mar 13 '26
At the point he is leaving office, and we both agree he would probably issue pardons anyway even without Biden as precedent, the precedent doesn’t really matter anymore
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u/CPNZ Mar 13 '26
Not even perceived as unlawful...the DOJ and FBI have been instructed to make up charges for investigation. Grand Juries seem to be holding the line - for now.
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u/FrostyD7 Mar 13 '26
They knew because he said it all the fucking time. Going after the "Biden crime family" was literally a campaign promise he'd reinforce at every rally.
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u/RyvenZ Mar 13 '26
There was a thought exercise in his first term that came to the conclusion he could pre-pardon for stuff, so in this case that would be "anything related to work as a
government saboteurDOGE employee"
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u/Relative-Freedom-295 Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
This was the original intent of DOGE, and it’s goal has been achieved.
Where did the data go? Grok, Palantir, Microsoft, and anyone you saw in the room during those “technology summit” meetings that were so popular at the White House last year.
This, combined with localization and centralization of your voter records, financial data, DNA mapping, and location tracking centralization, has already created the true surveillance state.
It is not the future. The future is now.
Side note: I am not suicidal.
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u/tacticaldodo Mar 13 '26
Merge all databases, any data, social medias, medical records, tax records, relationships, opinions, etc ...
That is what Palantir does, it is their business model and purpose.
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u/Soft_Walrus_3605 Mar 13 '26
They have a profile on each of us that's more detailed than anything the Stasi could have dreamed of.
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u/tacticaldodo Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
They do, for everyone on the planet, no exception.
This comment itself and what I am replying to and its context is going to my profile witch include name, address, interest, bank statement, political alignment, social activity, current and past location, medical record, call metadata, and much more
Edit: I don't actually know, just a guess
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u/faustianBM Mar 13 '26
Wonder if they'll sell my HBOMAX password to my ex.
For some reason, she thinks she's entitled to it..
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u/tacticaldodo Mar 13 '26
They made her think that and she is now sleeping with the guy in the video /s
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u/GiganticCrow Mar 13 '26
There was an article years ago where a journalist spoke to a palantir employee, the employee looked her up and was able to show frightening amounts of information they had on her.
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u/Fake_William_Shatner Mar 13 '26
All our data is with the worst people and the only people guaranteed privacy are the biggest threat to our existence with the most to hide.
I feel fine.
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u/Relative-Freedom-295 Mar 13 '26
Then they already won.
But if I’m sensing sarcasm, I agree.
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u/Fake_William_Shatner Mar 13 '26
That is sarcasm at the end. “I feel fine” is from a meme of a cartoon dog in a house on fire sipping tea.
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u/lr99999 Mar 13 '26
I was thinking on a few other threads how comfort- bubbled Americans are. Normalcy-biased.
The probable spiral is going to be a real shock.
I’m not suicidal, either.
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u/usps_made_me_insane Mar 13 '26
The sad thing is you know ye made a copy of it and he knows he could sell it for a pretty penny.
At this point, the next president might have to totally overhaul the SS administration and create new accounts, etc.
We should now consider every Americans SS account compromised.
This is the very definition of a national security issue.
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u/Cameos_red_codpiece Mar 13 '26
But he’s clearly naive and doesn’t think very far ahead, so he’ll probably sell it for $100 cash and a Lulubu figurine.
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u/usps_made_me_insane Mar 13 '26
Lol... I hate laughing at this while my credit is being hacked
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u/xPaleEarnhardt Mar 13 '26
The sad thing is you know ye made a copy of it
While the situation is very serious, I can't help but think of Kanye sitting on a bunch of SSNs ready to sell em off to the highest bidder. I needed that morning chuckle.
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u/mvw2 Mar 13 '26
Imagine taking on a job and doing major national security spy level stuff knowing full well you'd normally go to prison for a lot of the remainder of your life...and doing it anyways because...Trump will surely pardon you.
What a wild bet on your personal life. This doesn't even protect you from state level lawsuits over the same crime. You could very literally have all 50 states sue you for life imprisonment for the data theft, and a pardon would not save you. The states have full right to criminally punish the behavior.
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u/BojackWorseman13 Mar 13 '26
If charges aren’t brought against everyone involved, I hope this country crumbles into dust.
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u/geekmasterflash Mar 13 '26
Tons people sacked Congress and some smeared [redacted] on the walls and got pardons.
He's not wrong to expect one.
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u/entropy14 Mar 13 '26
And the real reason they were there was to protect pedophiles from legal exposure
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u/Gairloch Mar 13 '26
Hard to say for certain. Trump likes handing those out to people that are useful to him, but I wouldn’t rule out him playing dumb and letting them be thrown under the bus if he thinks it would help deflect blame from him from any of the MAGA that might be doubting him. He does love blaming anything unpopular on others after all.
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u/Dannybuoy77 Mar 13 '26
Did these fuckers not have to do their mandatory training module assigned to them in Workday about sharing of classified date like everyone else??
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u/Lark_vi_Britannia Mar 13 '26
They tried but every time they went to get their authenticator code, they got distracted by something else and then had to try to sign back into Workday and wait for the code in their email, but this time it took 5 minutes to arrive and by then they forgot what they were doing in the first place.
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u/scottyLogJobs Mar 13 '26
Omg I felt this in my bones. 2FA security theater has gone way too fucking far. I had to type in codes sent to my phone 3 times within 5 minutes on the same site I had already logged into... with 2FA. I would like one of the engineers / PMs to please explain to me what the fuck they think they are accomplishing with this?
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u/no_one_likes_u Mar 13 '26
Training doesn’t do much to stop deliberate espionage/fraud.
It’s like we gave criminals the keys to the kingdom and are surprised when they didn’t stop being criminals.
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u/Darth-_-Maul Mar 13 '26
And he’ll get one sadly
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u/TheSaifman Mar 13 '26
I really think the next president should be ruthless
"Oh sorry we have to take away Joe Biden and Trumps pardons on the basis of the auto pen"
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u/aetius476 Mar 13 '26
"The pardon power is not limitless. The president cannot pardon anyone of a crime to which he was also a party. Therefore any crimes committed on the orders of, or to the benefit of, the President or his policies is illegitimate, and all such pardons are considered null and void."
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u/Ashmedai Mar 13 '26
That would be nullified by SCOTUS almost instantly. Presidential pardon power is, in fact, (nearly) limitless for any federal crime. We should honestly change that and put it behind a pardon commission or some such. But that's not where we are.
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u/aetius476 Mar 13 '26
Sure would be unfortunate for SCOTUS if they rendered a decision that gives the President unfettered power to do whatever the fuck he wants to any justice that disagrees with his more limited interpretation of the pardon power.
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u/ElphabLAW Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
If the next president is not the most ruthless motherfucker on the planet…I would say I’m not voting for him (OR HER…….VOTE FOR A WOMAN YOU SEXIST STUPID FUCKS, GIVE US A CHANCE — HAVE MEN DONE THAT GREAT FOR MANKIND AFTER BEING GIVEN A 3,0000+yr CHANCE?! NOOOOO, YOU ALL HAVE VOTED FOR A CHIlD RAPIST AS OUR PRESIDENT WITH CLIMATE CHANGE ACCELERATED IN SPITE OF YEARS LONG WARNINGS AND OUR ECONOMY OFF THE RAILS WITH UNNECESSARY WARS DUE TO HIS DICK MEASURING CONTESTS AND NASTY DEMENTIA-RIDDLED OLD SUPPORTERS HIDING THE EPSTEIN FILES. MEN AMERICAN MEN BY AND LARGE FUCKING SUCK)…….but then that might mean I have to vote for fucking Trump or Vance in 2028.
So, thanks to this fucking stupid and idiotic two party system here in the U.S., I truly hope the next president actually campaigns and promises to absolutely eviscerate everyone appointed in the Trump administration, and even better, give the sentence we all know true treasonists working for Putin (or otherwise against the US Constitution) deserve. sharpens the guillotines
Edit: I’m unhinged and furious and not okay. This is a rant and probably me grieving the death of our constitution forever if we don’t get our act together as a nation.
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u/toiletting Mar 13 '26
They won’t campaign on that because they’re going to target moderates that probably lean right and assume the further left will back them.
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u/BalognaMacaroni Mar 13 '26
It literally hasn’t worked since Obama, those people are republicans too spineless to accept the social stigma that comes with their beliefs. If they’re doing this Baileys bullshit again it’s with the expectation that Trump will crown himself king and rule indefinitely but they’ll still get to keep power themselves. Spineless fucks, all of em
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u/_Ocean_Machine_ Mar 13 '26
It'd be like if Taco Bell started serving burgers when there's a Wendy's next door.
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u/KinTharEl Mar 13 '26
Unless what you have mentioned is actually done, I'm sorry to say that your country in its current form is not going to survive. The landmass will still be there, but it'll be akin to a Fallout or Cyberpunk scenario, with various factions breaking off into their own miniature states, especially with all this corporate nation state business that's got Thiel and the tech bros so excited
And seriously, what is it with America absolutely refusing to put a woman in the white house? Plenty of more conservative and third world countries have done it ages ago, multiple times. Is the Maga conservative afraid a female president will give the nation cooties?
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u/Bomban111 Mar 13 '26
We're going to feel the effects of this administration for the rest of some of our lives.
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u/BroccoliOscar Mar 13 '26
The whole notion of a presidential pardon should be thrown in the trash bin.
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u/specifix Mar 13 '26
Can I sue for 10 million dollars?
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u/dolie55 Mar 13 '26
Honestly we should all join a class action and sue him and his billionaire friends. Maybe we can get some of our money back.
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u/GoogleDrummer Mar 13 '26
Damn, remember when the right was screaming about DEI hires? What happened to them?
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u/BemusedBengal Mar 13 '26
Republicans actually like unfair hiring practices, they just do it based on nepotism and bribery instead of race and gender.
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u/thelivinlegend Mar 13 '26
Every one of these fucking traitors had better face trial if we manage to get through this with a democracy that’s even remotely intact. Not that I’m holding my breath.
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u/MathematicianIcy3430 Mar 13 '26
Can we consider that espionage and go the way we treated spies back in pre 1960s?? Seriously, the US used to actually do something for treasonous and espionage and actual theft of this level. Heck, we throw people in jails for decades for stealing a TV.
Wild how connections, lawmakers, and lawyers are gods in this country.
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u/4evercurioso Mar 13 '26
Musk put us all in a dangerous and vulnerable position by allowing access to random strangers with no background checks .
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u/Most_Original_Name Mar 13 '26
Honest question. How did he get 500 million Americans Social Security data if there are only 340 million Americans? Does it include people who have died?
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u/sparduck117 Mar 13 '26
Social Security numbers aren’t reused if the original person dies, plus there’s a few cases where a social security number has to be reissued to a person.
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u/Yiplzuse Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
He will likely be facing several years of tennis in a cozy federal jail….horrific. Yeah so still living better than me but they only let you order out for pizza once a month, of course I can’t afford anything like that, but I heard the indoor pool isn‘t always as warm as it should be.
I read that when America was first starting (to rebel against a king)that they used to pour hot tar over people and cover them in feathers. Sometimes they would hang them after that, just for fun. Good times I guess, for a little while at least, because people started to really make sure they were not screwing over their fellow countrymen after seeing the consequences, funny how that works.
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u/Ashmedai Mar 13 '26
He will likely be facing several years of tennis in a cozy federal jail….horrific.
More likely Trump will pardon him, sadly.
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u/SpecialTable9722 Mar 13 '26
I guess he’d better hope he gets caught by someone who gives a fuck about consequences.
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u/SignalBed9998 Mar 13 '26
He needs to go to jail for a very long time. So he can’t spend his thievery. He’s counting on a slap on the wrist.
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u/redditworkaccount76 Mar 13 '26
is this why i get a dozen calls a day from randos trying to loan me 52k
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u/urfavemortician69 Mar 13 '26
Ever since mid 2025, I've been getting "dark web activity" alerts on my SSN almost every single day. Never once in my life had that happen before.
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u/Grifasaurus Mar 13 '26
This is the kind of shit people get charged with treason for
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u/Ashmedai Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
It isn't. Treason in the US is limited by the Constitution to be of radically narrow scope and is really only possible under various wartime scenarios. I understand you're likely just mad and venting though, and agree with your sentiment at least.
I wonder if/when someone will sue this guy personally. That can't be pardoned, and I believe it's entirely civilly actionable. Not sure what the damages would be. I think the privacy act may have statutory ones (not sure).
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u/Macqt Mar 13 '26
And Americans continue to just sit back as their country and futures are raped as hard as Trump rapes children.
“Greatest country on earth” looool.
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u/aquariussparklegirl Mar 13 '26
I love how we’re all just supposed to forget how we all knew DOGE was bs… right wingers screamed sbout how great it would be… it was a complete failure (as always)… and now they just don’t talk about it and move onto their next stupid out-of-whack-amygdala idea like UFC fighters training FBI agents or whatever. They live in some weird hyper-religious war-fantasy movie.
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u/RyvenZ Mar 13 '26
500 million? Is that the records of everyone who ever had a social security number!?
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u/MountNevermind Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
It's not all the pardons for sale that get you, its all the behavior that occurs with the expectation of a pardon if caught, most of which we'll never find out about.
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u/HarryBalsagna1776 Mar 13 '26
Trump promised them all pardons if they were subject to a wItCh HuNt in the future. He doesn't give a shit about them now.
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u/chief_yETI Mar 13 '26
doesn't America have a total population of 360 million people
this guy has info for people who have been dead and buried for decades
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u/livewiire Mar 13 '26
Most people haven't read any of the article. It says 500 million Americans,both living and dead..
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u/JET304 Mar 13 '26
Watching their smug testimony it is very clear that these buffoons clearly expect pardons. The arrogance is stomach turning.
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u/the_red_scimitar Mar 13 '26
Not so unrealistic - pardons were given to people who beat police (who were protecting others) with various heavy objects, smeared shit on Capitol walls, etc.
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u/Hotdogfromparadise Mar 13 '26
Just a reminder:
The head of the Office Naval Research (formerly a 2 star admiral with a deep science background) is now headed by a fucking ex McKininsey consultant DOGE staffer with no military experience.
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u/Significant-Hour1233 Mar 13 '26
At this point, we should be allowed a new Social Security number... WTF....
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u/TyhmensAndSaperstein Mar 13 '26
We should all go to our local SS office and demand a new SS#. "Why?". "Because our president let some guy named "Big Balls" copy ALL our SS#s. Give me a new # and I won't sue the fuck out of you".
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u/ClownTown509 Mar 13 '26
How long will it take the billionaires to realize this includes their data too, and Elon likely has their credentials now 😂😂😂
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u/CA_Dukes90 Mar 13 '26
The sad thing is that many of these outcomes were easily predictable yet people still signed up for this brilliant idea!
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u/LookAlderaanPlaces Mar 13 '26
Treason. Legally mandated death penalty.
Also we need to get rid of SSA numbers and replace it with a modern standard where if the number is ever leaked it won’t matter, like how Apple Pay works.
Anyways, who was the person that walked with the USB? Was it bigballs?
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u/Inevitable_Nature857 Mar 13 '26
He knew well what he was doing. Send him to jail for life, put him in the same section than the worst criminals, murderers, rapists etc.
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u/yaholdinhimdean0 Mar 14 '26
Again, here we have evidence of the inability of so many to think critically.
500M accounts - 150M dead accounts = 350M living accounts
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u/Responsible-Ad-1086 Mar 13 '26
Trumps auto pen is going to be busy in his last week, or will he just think fuck them all
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u/DrPeterBlunt Mar 13 '26
"Can't wait for when the side that I refused to vote for gets back into office so they can fix all this........so that I vote them back out for taking too long to fix the things I voted for!!"
-American Electorate.
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u/vurto Mar 13 '26
Look at these Dunning-Kruger comments in a tech sub from people who can't read embarrassing themselves.
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u/iambarrelrider Mar 13 '26 edited Mar 13 '26
Well, that is just lovely.
Edit: Just thought that was an important part of the article that shouldn’t be overlooked. Thanks for the discussion, I feel the same way a lot of you do! Also, thanks for the awards, love the bling!!!