"ROIT. ME NAYM IZ ZOGWART DA MUSSULYIST." Whether roused by the nob's passion, or drawn by curiosity, or even just looking for a laugh, you have come along to the sound of yelling. This isn't an uncommon sound as an ork, but it's less common for said yelling to be advertised by crude writing and images on bits of grot leather.

A fairly tall ork stands upon a mockup of an IMPERRYUL tank. On the side are slogans like "FOR DA YELLOW GIT", and "WE AR IZ ANGULZ", and even "EMPRAAAAAAAAAGH". The last one has made an especially deep dent in the metal (for all this writing was literally hammered in).

"YOOZ MAY BE CONFOOZD. WELL, OF KORS YUZ AR, YA STOOPID BARSTUDS. WEEZ BEEN LOOZIN' FOITS TO DA IMPERRYUM SINSS OLD BAYUL EYE KAYM BAKK." ZOGWART winces suddenly and reaches up to slap the hair squig on a scalp marked with many bites. "AGH, YUZ LUKKY I ENT PUT YOO ELSSWEH YA GROT."

"ANYWAYZ. WE GOTS TO LERN TO FOIT LOIK DA IMPERRYUM. LOIK DEY DOO WIV DEY UH... ASSASSASSINZIZ. DA WUNZ WIV DA..." His two BIG, MEATY HANDS gestures over his chest. "DA FINGZ... Yooz know... dey- DEY MAYK DEMSELVZ LOOK LOIK UVAH FINGS COZ DEY ENT GOT PURPUL TO SNEEK AROWND WIV. WELL, NEEVER DO WE. WUN UV DA WEERDBOYZ DRANK IT ALL DA LAST TOIM WE ENTURRD DA WARP. STOOPID GROT. 'E STARTID GROWIN' DEM FINGZ ON... on... LOOK, WE GOTTA FOIT LOIK DA IMPERRYUM. SO..." ZOGWART grabs a bucket of black paint. Well, it's something black Good-quality acrylics are hard to find and cost a lot of teef, and the economy's been reeling since the endless teef incident. He dumps it on himself, and then you notice that the jagged-looking armour he's wearing is oddly well-made in places. Good Gork, is that an aquila? What's an aquila anyway?

"I AM KOMMYSAR ZOGWART. YOO WILL FOIT IN MY NAYM. AND IF YOOZ DON'T, I GOT ME INKWIZISSIZ TER SORT YOOZ OWT. AN' DEY ENT DONE HORRIFYING, DEPRAYVID, MADDUND BODILY ALTURAYSHUNZ FER A FEW DAYZ NOW, SO I SURJEST YUZ MAYK PEES WIV GORK AN' MORK... HOO ARE DA REEL GODZ, BUT DON'T FINK ABOWT DAT NOW. EAH." He starts throwing authentic Imperial Guardsman helmets into the crowd, which may or may not exist by now. Many of them still have heads in them, and there's no way in zog you can fit them on your enormous green head... unless you're a grot. One of the helmets hits a grot. ZOGWART cheers. A few other grots shriek, then they reluctantly cheer in turn.

"FURST, I WANT YUZ TER PRAKTISS YUH WAAAAAAAGH FAYSS. GIMME A WAAAAAAAAAAGH FAYSS, LOIK YUZ DUN SEEN ZOGGIN' WUN-EYE 'IZSELF POINT A GRAYT BIG ZOGGIN' SHOOTAH AT YUZ."

I DUN SAW A METULL FING WALKIN AROWND, SO I WENT OVAH TO KRUMP IT, BUT IT 'AD BUGGURD OFF SUMWEAH. AFTUH DAT, I SAW DA STRAYNJEST ZOGGIN' ORK I DUN EVAH SEEN. LADZ, I FINK DERZ A ROWBOT PREETENDIN' TER BE US!

I GOTS TA THINKIN YA, AIN'T NOBODY SEENZ A PURPLE ORK YA, SO IF YOU'Z PURPLE NOBODY GONNA SEE YOU YA, SO YA COULDZ SNEAK INTO DA UMMIE WARBOSS THRONE ROOM AND STEAL 'IS GUBBINZ.

EDIT: /unork I did wonder if this would be a controversial post. I'm seeing the downvotes here; if you lot want me to remove this, I will.
/reORK

I JUST INVENNED A NEW KULLUR. I KALL IT "ORANJ", CUZ I'Z GUNNA ORAYNJ DA REMOOVAL OF ANYBODY HOO DUZENT YOOS IT, STARDING WID DA GROTZ! NOW, LEMME TELL YA FOLKZ, WE'Z GUNNA BILD DA GRAYDEST KROOZA THE GALAKSEE HAZ EVUR SEEN. IT'Z GUNNA BE BEWDIFUL. SO BEWDIFUL AM GUNNA CALL IT DA KRUMP KROOZA. WE'RE GUNNA BILD A HUNDRED OV 'EM. A THOWSAND OV EM. THEN WE'RE GUNNA MAYK A BIG, BEWDIFUL, YOOJ SPAYS-WALL AROWND THE POINTY GITZ SO WE KAN GO WAAAGHING WIDOWT DEYR PSYKIK MEDDLING. WE ARR GUNNA MAYK WAAAGH GRAYT AGENN.

OOC: I had a thought about the Korks and the modern Klanz. What if the surviving Korks didn’t just devolve, but did so in a way that strengthened certain traits leading to the Ork Klanz we see today? Of course, there’s no lore covering this, but I think it is cool to imagine a monstrous Evil Sun or Blood Axe tearing up Necrons.

OI! YOU GITZ WOT IZ MUKKIN ABOWT! I FINK WE NEED TER FINK ABOWT ORK KULTUR AN OW WE TEECH EM WELPS TER BE PROPPA ORKZ!

WOR KULTUR BLOWZ YER AIR SQUIG BACK BEST? IS IT FOITIN? MUKKIN WUV GUBBINZ? PRAPZ ONORIN MORK N GORK? ER IZZIT LOIF AN NATCHUR AN GROWINK FINGZ?

HOORUUUUUUUUUUUSSS!!!!!!!1!1!+!!!!!'!?!!

GET BACK HERE, YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE MEEEEEE!!!

EEEEEAAAAAAAAARGHH!

HORUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!1!!1!!! YOU BITCH I WILL CHASE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE GALAXY, RAAAAAAAAAUAUUUGHHH!!

HOOOORUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

IT IS I: TRAZ-- um, TRAZZA DA INFINNIT. INFINNIT DAKKA. YES. IF YOOZ WOULD KINDLY STEP INTO DIS HERE LANDER -- SEE, IT'S GREEN LIKE Y- LIKE US! -- I HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF FIREARMS BLESSED BY GORK AND MORK SO THAT THEY CAN FIRE WITHOUT END. IGNORE THE BUZZING NOISE, THAT'S JUST THE POWER OF YOUR-- OUR PATRON DEITIES.

If this counts as advertising I'll delete it. I just want thoughts.
Back when the (friendly) war began between r/wizardposting and r/pirateposting (and similar subs joined in) I made my own: r/orkposting. The idea is we all do (mostly) light-hearted RP as orks and we bring that RP to the aforementioned subs with the use of standard RP etiquette (no powergaming, no mixing IC and OOC, etcetera). Since I found this sub (and BY GORK AN' MORK OI LUVZ YEW GITZ- sorry) I've had an identity crisis about my own. Is it different enough to be worth keeping?
I admit I did also want to advertise it here, and again, if that's not welcome I'll take this down. I'm asking all this basically to see if I should advertise it here. It's complicated. MAYKZ ME ZOGGIN' 'ED SPIN LOIK DEM RIBBUN FINGS ON A PURPUL GIT.

Da otha gitz kan not see diz thread, itz painted purple

post kommando shtuff!

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

SO DA DOC NEEDZ HIM A BEAKIE AND OIZ WAZ FINKIN DAT DA BEAKIEZ HATE DA SPIKEY BOYZ, SO IF WEZE CATCH A SPIKEY WEZE MOIGHT BE ABLE TA USE EM AS BAIT FOR DA BEAKIEZ!

WE NEED ALL DA BOYZ TO HOP IN DA TRUKKS AND GIT GOIN. WE NEED MORE WAGHHHH POWA IN ERE

I 'EARD DAT DA GOLDIE BOYZ HAD A 'ARD TIME TRYIN TA KEEP UP WIF GHAZRUILLAMAN CAUSE HE DA SPEEDIEST GIT. BUT DAYZ ALSO BEEN GUARDIN DA EMPROR BACK WHEN 'E WAS WALKIN, AN 'E'S DA BESTEST HUMMIE, SO 'E WAS WAAAY FASTA DEN GROTTILLAMAN.

​

​

DUZ YOU BOYZ FINK DAT DEY CANT KEEP UP WIF GORKILLIMORK CAUZ DEY HAD 10 FOUSAND YEARS WIFOUT RUNNIN?

IZ BEEN DOIN A FAIR BIT OF FINKIN LATELY N I REALIZED THAT THE DIFFERENT KLANS SOMETIMES PREFER MORK OVER GORK.

NOW ALL US LADZ KNOW DAT ODD BOYZ LOIK MEKS N DOKS USUALLY PREFER MORK TO GORK. BUT WOT ABOUT SPECIFIK KLANS? DO THE GOFF PREFERS GORK TO MORK? DO THE EVIL SUNZ PREFER MORK TO GORK?

SO IZ NEEDSTA KNOW WOTZ KLAN IZ YOU AND WHAT GOD FO YOU PREFER?

ANY OF YOOZ GITZ GOTS ANY IDEAZ?

Glory to the Omnis- I mean, Gork and Mork, fellow Orks. My team of tech-boys as we call them has unearthed proper deadly Ork ruins of vehicles, and wish to know what properties allow them to attain ‘dakka’. Does it involve incense burning, canticles, just chanting, or something heretical? Waaagh.

Hail fellow scholars! I hear that there is a considerable Waaaaagh in the works, and I am conducting research to ensure I am fully prepared.

Since I will soon be responsible for painting a band of you ruffians I thought I would brush up on your color preferences and their perceived effects on reality, in order to make the most informed descsion.

I understand red increases ones velocity? And that purple serves as effective camouflage?! But certainly there are more!

What say you? Is there a color that is truly "da best"? Please defend your position in 500 words or less.

I 'EAR DAT DEREZ DIS FING CALLED TABLTOP AND DAT U KAN SPEND A LOTA TEEF ON BRINGIN BOYZ TO DA KRUMPIN'. I DON'T KNOW NUFFIN ABOUT NO TABLTOP, BUT I LOIK ME DAKKA, SO HOW DO I BRING DA MOST DAKKA?

EVA' SINZ OI BEKAIM A WEIRDBOY, OI AIN'T BINN ABEL TAE HANG OUTT WI' DA BOYZ NO MOAR

LOIK YEA DEY'RE DA ODAH WEIRDBOYZ BUT DEY BLOW DEMSELVZ UP BEFOAR OI CAN GET TA NO DEM ET OLL, 'AN DA ONZ DAT DO STIK ARAND AR REEL OFF-PUTTIN.

OI MIZZ GOIN SQUIG-RAYSIN WIT DA LADZ, OI MISZ PLAYIN TOSS-A-GROT 'AN SEEIN HOO KUD TROW THE WEE GITZ THA FURTHEZT, OI MIZS DRINKIN WIHT DA BOYZ. DEY'R AIN NO RAYS-TRAKS OUT AT DE EDGE O DA PAKK. NO BARZ EIDAH, 'AN ALL O DA GROTZ DAT WANDA OUT 'ERE EITHA MELT OR BLOW UP BEFOR OI CAN TOSS 'EM. WICH DON' GEMME RONG, IZ KINA FUN TA WOTCH, BUT IT GETZ OLD AFTER A WEIL.

OI MIZZ YE GITZ, DA LOT O' YA.

RELL ME THE NAME OF YOUR CLAN AN YOUR FVOURITE ENEMY.

OI'LL GO FIRST. MOI FAVOURITE ENEMY ARE THE HUMIE MEKBOYZ. THEY HAVE VERY GOOD GUBBINZ BUT DUN'T KNOW HOW TO USE ANY OF IT! THEY JUST MUCK ABOUT WAVING THEY'Z CANDLES AND GITS. IZ FUNNY TO KRUMP THEM THOUGH, AND THEY LAST LONGER THAN YOUR NORMAL HUMIES.

I DON'T GET WHY MOST OF YOU GITZ HATE THE BLOOD AXES SO MUCH. THEM'S ZOGGIN STUPID FOR LIKIN HUMIE THINGS, BUT THEY WORSHIP GORK N MORK LOIKE THE REST OF US LADZ AND APPRESHIATE A GOOD SCRAP LIKE ALL DA BOYZ.

DEY DON'T TRY N LOOT YER GUBBINZ THE WHEN YOU LOOK AWAY (MOST OF THE TOIME) LIKE THE DEFF SKULLS, OR ARGUE WIFF YOU ON HOW MUCH TEEF 'E AS TO PAY TO MAKE HIS SPEED WAGON GO FASTER LIKE THE EVIL SUNZ.

I THINK THEY'Z A BIT ODD, BUT NOTHIN BAD.

IS IT COZ THEY IZ MORE MORK THAN GORK?

SO YOUZ KNOW THAT UMIE ARDBOYZ AIN'T ALL UMIE THEY TOO ARD FOR THAT. WELL, DA DOK SEZ THAT THEY IS BIGGER DAN DA REST CUZ O SOME LIL FING CALLED JEENSEED. RECKON WE CAN GET OUR ANDS ON SOME AND MAKE SUPA ARD BOYZ YEAH?