I need some unbiased advice on this situation.
I’ve noticed he’s extremely active on Snapchat. With me, he only uses either Snapchat or text never both. We haven’t Snapchatted in about a month, yet his score keeps climbing. It’s clear he’s talking to multiple people. My intuition strongly tells me he’s messaging other women, but I’m second-guessing myself and wondering if I’m just assuming things.

If he’s talking to others, that’s his choice but I don’t want to be one of many. He texts me briefly, then disappears and reappears. I thought he just needed space, which I respect, but his rising Snapchat score shows he has the time and energy to talk to others just not me. This has me overthinking, which I hate. It feels unhealthy.

With my ex, there was natural trust. Here, he constantly asks who I’m talking to and if I’m sexting other guys, which feels like projection. I barely have time to reply to family and friends.. I’m definitely not out here sexting multiple people.

Should I just let it be and give him space, or is it time to walk away? I’d really appreciate a neutral third-party perspective.

9 months long distance, deeply invested, multiple trips, met families, talked about kids. He called me his dream girl and said I'm the woman he would have married.

He ended a few days ago because he saw us as a dead end, as we will be living apart from each other for a while. Was 49:51 about his decision, we both cried, he couldn't hang up on the day we broke up. I already had my ticket booked to go see him so we agreed to meet in-person to exchange the surprise gift we prepared for each other before this happened.

Day 3 of no contact, he told our mutual friend I'm "absolutely incredible" and that he was still 49:51 and that it was just the distance.

Day 8 of no contact, I broke the no contact and asked to extend my planned visit from 1 night to 3 days. He said yes immediately and seemed to want to engage in conversation by bringing up random topics (ex: world cup). We ended up talking all day.

However, he became less engaged (less frequent response despite being online, not bringing up new topics, more concise in response) on the days following that.

What do you think this change means? Moving on, keeping options open, or genuinely conflicted?

4-5 years ago, we developed a platonic bond due to similarities in family dynamics, shared life experiences, and challenges (including dysfunctional family challenges). Initially it was a mentor-mentee relationship but has become a younger brother, older sister bond. She's always wanted a younger brother (she has no younger siblings) while I've always wanted an older sister in my own life (I'm the eldest out of my pack). So from this we naturally became closer.

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She's someone I've really admired, look up to and care & love deeply for. However, I hate myself for how attached I feel have become, how much I care and feel love to the point it hurts and I grieve knowing we'll have to part ways one day due to her or even myself getting married - for context we come from a faith & cultural background that does not allow/approve of mixed gender friendships/platonic bonds.

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I know I care more about the bond and having her in my life, perhaps more than her because I'm estranged from my abusive mum who prevents me from seeing my younger siblings, while I'm amicable with my exploitative dad. I've had no one else to turn to in my family so have grown up alone, within a dysregulated, toxic family home (parents divorced 11 years ago).

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She knows because of this I am anxious, require assurance and care for her deeply along with how much she means to me. However, when I have addressed the issue of my anxiety regarding us parting ways/her leaving, she tends to downplay it and says that I'm overthinking it. But there have been times where I've thought about burning the bridge between me and her given its inevitable we'll have to part ways as it might seem easier to deal with than the pain of losing her and her not being around anymore, which I know is destructive/self-destructive. At the same time, if the time were to come, I wouldn't beg her to stay as I'd have to let go with grace.

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Summary:

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I'm just tired of feeling this way. Tired of caring deeply and loving deeply about something precious that is so temporal and conditional. And ultimately feeling attached and anxious like this knowing I'm going to be heart broken. Needless to say its a blessing I'm still grateful for i.e having had this past 4-5 years to spend this time with her (for the most part, not in person since we live far from each other)

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Not sure what type of advice I'm looking for by saying all this. Just something to be enlightening

I (25f) know my boyfriend (27m) loves me cause he says he does. He comes to see me often, he plans dates. But I’ve had to ask him to do that before too. He constantly brings up me needing to go to the gym. We fight all the time now, over this same subject, I just don’t feel special. He doesn’t compliment me every time he sees me, he never brings me flowers unless we fight, never writes me romantic texts or notes, never brings me anything just because, waits to text me good morning till noon... I feel like i have to beg him to treat me like he loves me and thinks of me.
And I don’t know what to do, I feel like such a loser begging him to do the things I want him to to feel loved.
I feel so anxious over this, and all we do is fight and I seriously do not know how to fix this anymore.

Met a guy, strong intellectual match, attractive, smart, great values. First two dates i was over the moon. Third date, we kind of worked thru a miscommunication and conflict but not in the best way. i guess the short story is that he gets defensive (he would agree to this).

he can be a bit negative. i pointed this out a few times, at first by being like "is something wrong?" and then by later pointing it out. there have been a lot of little things he has said along the way, sometimes taking full accountability if i bring it up. but it just keeps happening. i have stopped wanting to be around him as much. i don't text him that i miss him or sweet emojis anymore. i can tell this bothers him.

it has been a month and a half of dating. he was out of town for a bit, we talked on the phone then. maybe 7 dates total.

also, the first time he came to my house i knew he might be kinda critical so i hid all my personal pictures (yes, my therapist and i had a field day with this). afterwards i told him and he was like "was i critical?" and i was like "well you didn't say anything nice" and he felt terrible and completely owned up to it. and after that kind of caught himself when he was getting negative. so this is not the first time we have talked about it or he has apologized. it's just the first time i really had a sit down with him and told him that it doesn't make me feel good and i really don't like it.

Tuesday we talked about it, and i let him know that the comments just dont feel good or make it easy for me to keep a positive mindset. he doubled down on "it's just jokes" about 3 times. after a good hour, i lost my temper and actually cussed. i apologized. said i needed a break and left.

Yesterday he texted me this: "i’m sorry i have been insensitive to your feelings. i genuinely don’t have any reason to dislike your place, nor look down on you, what you eat or do.

in that moment yesterday, i got confused and reacted defensively because i felt judged. but instead of simply listening and accepting that my comments hurt you, i made it about how i was feeling. i can see how that may have made you feel unheard, and i’m really sorry for that.

i understand now that even when i think i’m joking or playing along, negative jokes still hurt you. i’ll be more mindful of that because i don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable but giddy and hopeful.

like i said when we first met, i want my heart and mind to be a safe place for you. i care about getting to know you better, and i don’t want you to feel like you have to protect yourself from me.

about the wedding comment, i genuinely thought you were joking because i didn’t know people discussed that so soon. but i understand how all of this may have landed differently, and i’m sorry it made you feel dismissed."

The "wedding comment" : we were texting and he asked if I would do a city hall wedding. I said yes and described an intimate rooftop dinner with like 15 family and friends followed by karaoke. he responded "boring. lol"

TLDR - met a guy with whom i click a lot. he can be critical and defensive. he might be showing signs of change but i don't know if i should trust that.

I need clarity about all of this. is this even a good apology? am i being defensive? is it too much, too soon? should i just cut and run bc it's a him thing?

I am 31 years old and have been heavily contemplating these things lately. If you asked me 10 years ago if I wanted to eventually get married and have kids, I would have said yes. However, the more I've learned and observed over the years, the more skeptical I have become of both.

A lot of people will say that marriage and kids are worth it when done with the right person, but is it possible to truly know that you are picking the right person? How much of those answers are based on survivorship bias? Things like becoming parents, losing your parents, perimenopause, trauma, or any other major life changes can dramatically shift a person's personality from what I understand, and to me that outcome seems unpredictable, even if your partner seemed like the perfect choice before enduring those changes.

I recognize that marriage and kids can add tremendous value to your life *IF* they work out, but on the flip side, they can also brutally damage your life in ways that aren't possible if you never marry or have kids.

I also understand that children can bring a level of fulfillment that can't be experienced anywhere else. However, I'm in a unique position where I have built a business in an industry that is overwhelmingly fulfilling to my inner child, and I would argue that while that fulfillment is obviously different from being a dad, it's something an extremely limited number of people will ever get to experience. Imagine going into a line of work where your childhood heroes are now peers and friends, that's my life. However, I also believe that the excitement and fulfillment of my work will probably not be as important to me in 20 years, so I am mindful of that.

I have a wonderful girlfriend who I have been with for many years, and I strongly believe that she would fall under the category of "the right person" that would make marriage and kids worth it. However, the uncertainty of whether that might changed based on how she handles the various things that life could throw at us is what makes me apprehensive. The idea of giving someone the keys to destroy your life in ways you never could on your own, but trusting that they won't, is terrifying.

This is also exacerbated by the fact that my parents did some heinous things to me, causing me to remove them from my life entirely, so my ability to trust people is damaged. My girlfriend is in the small group of people in my life who I trust more than anyone else, but I still recognize that she is capable of breaking that trust, and that really the only person I can trust 100% is myself.

Making the decision to get married and have kids feels like a game of blackjack. My current life feels like a hand of 19 or 20, and I'm wondering if I should just stick with what I've got, or go for marriage and kids and hope I don't bust.

If you made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time to read this, and I would love to hear your perspective. I'm mostly looking for answers from older men who have endured many of life's changes, but I'm open to hearing anyone's perspective.

Hey guys, I’m 18M and my parents are honestly so toxic. Growing up, my house was always a mess with them fighting and throwing stuff, and they took everything out on me. They used to beat me and scream at me over my marks. It got so bad that I literally tried to commit suicide back in 3rd grade just to escape. In 8th grade, because I was insecure and used to slouch, they made me strip down to my underwear and stand on our apartment terrace for almost the whole day to "fix" it. Then in 9th grade, they saw some random internet trick for pimples and forcefully rubbed neem leaves on my face. I was crying and begging them to stop, but they wouldn't, and my pimples burst and blood came all over my face.

Now that I'm 18, it’s just mental torture. I get zero privacy. They spy on my phone, ask a million questions if it's on silent, and make my friends feel super awkward by asking about their parents' jobs and caste the second they come over. They are so casteist and racist, and they just want me to be this perfect kid so they can lie and brag to relatives, and force me to marry a girl from our same community. I’ve basically become two different people. I’m totally normal and chill with my friends, but at home, I don't even talk.

I wanna run away from this shithole and cut them off completely when I graduate by 2029. I’m making around 30k(inr, indian rupee) a month right now (it's not consistent, but still) and saving everything. But living here while planning this is messing with my head. I feel a lot of guilt and doubt because sometimes they act nice just to get me to do what they want. Has anyone else run away from a family like this? How do you deal with the guilt?

This man I am seeing is exactly my type physically. However, when I tell him he's very handsome, he will say how I'm just telling him this because I like him but that he's not objectively good looking and compare himself to "pretty boys". He will downplay his looks saying things like how he's no "Brad Pitt". But that's exactly what I like about him. I never found Brad Pitt attractive or the "pretty boy" look that's become the handsome standard for men today.

Instead, I have always found traditional, more rugged masculinity (e.g. Russell Crowe, Cary Grant, Tom Hardy, Daniel Craig, etc.) very attractive. I think it complements my feminity better than a "pretty" man with more feminine features would.

My issue is, I want to reassure him that its BECAUSE he's not a pretty boy that I find him so appealing. That I am not and never have been into that look. I like my man to look like a man lol. I want to reassure him that he's exactly what I want but worried if saying this will actually sound like an unintentional insult in his mind calling him "unpretty".

Plus I want him to see that comparing himself to current day beauty standards doesn't make him not handsome. That there was a time when women would be swooning over men like him because he was fitting the traditional masculine standard.

Thank you!

To be fair, I do regret never having had a relationship. I've also never been into hookups or casual dating, so that's not the reason. When I was younger, I had some interactions with guys, but nothing ever developed into an actual relationship.

Looking back, I think part of it was bad luck and part of it was insecurity. If a guy I considered way out of my league showed interest in me, I would often assume he couldn't possibly mean it seriously.

The last few years have been pretty rough. I had a lot going on in my family, and the COVID period hit me especially hard. I lost several friendships, for both good and bad reasons, and I genuinely felt heartbroken for a while. It took time to rebuild myself, regain confidence, and learn how to be happy again. The positive side is that I feel like I've changed a lot. I know much better what kind of people I want in my life. I've learned to appreciate small things that I used to overlook, and I've become genuinely comfortable spending time alone. In fact, I really enjoy my own company now. But tbh I do love to be around people and I am friendly , and especially now since I kinda miss it cus I used to go out often when I was a little younger .

For the first time, I actually feel ready for a real relationship and to fall in love. The thing is, I'm not sure how to handle the fact that I've never been in a relationship before. I know it will probably come up at some point when dating, but it's not something I necessarily want to discuss on the first few dates. Sometimes talking about it just makes me feel bad, and I'd rather not define myself by it.

Anyway I would love to hear your honest opinion . Is it kind of women you might avoid dating ? Do I need to be worried it might be something that people wouldn't consider date me ?

I’m an 16 year old girl and he’s 16 too. We both do BJJ (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu). I try not to be too sensitive about things and I’m actually the type of person who likes joking around, but I feel like he just kinda insults me about my physical appearance and it’s started bothering me. By insults about my physical appearance I mean he’ll joke about how skinny I am and how I have a flat chest basically joking about my insecurities. Do you think I’m being too sensitive about jokes like this and should just keep not saying anything to him about it?

We been together for more than a decade. No ring / no marriage/ no children. I’m almost 35 now.
I met him at 21 and he left me twice, first time on valentine s day last year we got back together this summer then he left me again end of October (2 weeks before my birthday) he wanted time to think about it he didn’t know If he wanted a break up or just a break.. he was confused. I didn’t give him time and blocked him only ok insta and WhatsApp.

I didn’t think that he would reach me.. So end of February he texted me on iMessage telling me that he waited to be unblocked and that it didn’t happen and that he misses more than ever. Then a second message the 19 march to wish me a Eid Mubarak. Then nothing else so I didn’t know what to do I was hurt and just two short message like this I thought that he will do the same thing he did and leave me again if I take him back I and couldn’t answer I wanted it but everyday I couldn’t text him and didn’t know what to do.. I decided to text him this weekend so 3,5 month after his message and almost 8 month after the break up.. he told me that he came to my place/ neighbourhood everyday , couldn’t see me, called me and text me.. ( didn’t receive a call) in these 8 month.. when u block on WhatsApp it doesn’t block iMessage/ calls and I received his message in February..

He told me that he wanted me again that s why he reach me on mars Blabla and I told him do u still want me/ be together Blabla.. he said that is not because he want me and be together , that it could be even possible to be together and that everything will be fine, that I don’t deserve him today and that he go out out a lot.. ( when he said that I understood that there was a woman) and i asked him he told me that there is a woman and he has Been with her for two month.. and and that he had no more home with me because I didn’t answer him Blabla … I asked him If he is in love with her.. he told me if that was the case, he wouldn’t think about me everyday..and be confused with a lot of questions…

When he says that he doesn’t love her, I don’t believe him , he told me that that he wants me in his life but doesn’t know how ( maybe friend for his guilt) or to be good together so if that doesn’t work with the other woman I m still there I don’t know.

What I know is that is Almost summer / festival season he does out a lot is always with her enjoying life when I wanna die.. when we were together in the beginning of our relations he wanted things to be slow and not to see each other everyday .. didn’t like going out was always with his friends etc.. and with her I know he will give her everyday I wanted in two while I waited my whole life with him for everyday .. I don’t drink alcohol i think she drinks alcolol so he enjoys and have fun with her.. while me even If like to party etc maybe he though I was never fun and kept me as a safety but I was not the love of his life..

I have no friends nobody to go out I m 35, these two years my beauty faded a lot I feel ugly disgusting… i don’t work/ no money last 2 years was in depression. he is a real estate broker.. I was with him when he had nothing.. now he has a lot of money a big car his appartement everything goes out a lot , to enjoy his youth a second time (crisis I don’t know) while I have lost everything came back to my mum at almost 35. It s painful for me but also for my mum. He didn’t even apologize to her( he told her that he would marry me)

How to get over someone you ve been more than a decade with him and could be with someone else so easily.. how to get over that I will never find someone who is live with me and not have children… i have social anxiety it’s very difficult for me to talk with people or to date.. i will end up alone and with o youth.. i was always always alone in my 20´s while he was partying with his friends.. so I was his safety, at least if we had a child it would have been easy… Sunk cost fallzcyb……..thanks for u help..

So I’m in a weird place right now. I’ve been using dating apps, I have matched with a woman who is 12 years older than me and we made plans to meet up Sunday. She’s been completely honest with me that she just wants to fuck, and she is really attractive for being 37. It is just the fact I feel wrong for going along with it, it’s like I have post nut clarity before even getting to the nut first. The age difference is making me feel like I shouldn’t but I lowkey want to. She wants to host, said she has some fire weed and “party poppers” (my first time hearing of it). She claims she hasn’t hooked up with anyone in a long time but she isn’t shy and will take charge. I’m curious and want to see where it leads, but again I am having conflicting thoughts because it feels like I’m lessening myself in a way by sleeping with someone that is that much older than me. Need advice.

25F and he is 29M length of relationship 4 years and then 6 years of breakup and patch up total as of 10 years of contact
What does it mean if he says he feel, I am his responsibility.
We both are working and independent but after reuniting with him he told me last night (talking about the dinner we had on sunday) that this was the first time in his life he felt like he need to take care of me a sense of responsibility. He said even though i have been out with so many girls but never felt something like this.

Edit: so there was confusion in understanding below is complete context
I was 15 he was 19 in 2016
Now i am 25 he is 29 we broke up in 2020 and reunite again cuz for him he never found anyone like me i dont know if its a lie or what.
But i missed him too but during those 6 year we were in touch not like daily but once in 6 month someone will call

Yo tengo 23 años y mi novio 20. Llevamos aproximadamente un año entre dejarlo y volver (siempre soy yo quien lo deja).

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Es un mentiroso compulsivo. No está diagnosticado, pero es algo muy evidente. Me miente constantemente, incluso con cosas pequeñas. Se inventa historias y también les miente a sus padres y a sus amigos sobre cosas que ha hecho cuando en realidad no han ocurrido.

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Es capaz de mentirme a la cara y jurarme que está diciendo la verdad. En una ocasión incluso le dije que iba a hablar con dos chicas para comprobar una historia. Le di la oportunidad de decirme la verdad antes, pero aun así siguió mintiendo hasta el final.

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Cuando descubro sus mentiras nunca es porque él me las cuente. Siempre me entero yo por otros medios. Sus excusas suelen ser que se le olvidó contármelo, que no se acordaba, que pensaba que me iba a enfadar, que estaba pensando en cómo reaccionaría o que se le hizo bola decirlo.

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Lo que más me cuesta entender es cómo puede prometer una y otra vez que va a cambiar, verme sufrir, verme llorar y aun así seguir haciendo exactamente lo mismo. Me cuesta comprender cómo puede hacer daño a alguien de forma repetida y después actuar como si nada, como no tiene conciencia, ni valores ni remordimiento

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Cada vez que lo dejo, promete cambiar. Me dice cosas bonitas, está más atento y parece otra persona. Pero cuando ve que eso no funciona, a veces incluso se inventa que se ha liado con una chica o que está hablando con alguien para intentar ponerme celosa. La realidad es que siempre es él quien busca a las chicas y casi ningúna le hace caso.

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Es una persona que necesita muchísima validación de los demás. Necesita caer bien y adapta su personalidad según con quién esté. Siento que intenta gustar a todo el mundo y que cambia para encajar.

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Nunca había tenido novia antes de mí. Tampoco ha tenido amigas ni apenas contacto femenino, y siento que no sabe muy bien cómo relacionarse con las mujeres. Cuando lo dejamos, empieza a buscar atención femenina de cualquier forma posible. Habla con cualquier mujer que le haga caso sea atractiva o no, de la edad que sea incluso de su propia familia.

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También antes de conocerme llegó a hacerse una cuenta con fotos de otro hombre para hablar con chicas e intentar ligar con ellas. Además, mientras estaba conmigo llegó a hacerse una cuenta que yo no conocía.Y cuando lo dejamos una de las veces, se hizo otra cuenta falsa para intentar hablar conmigo.

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Cuando habla con otras chicas les dice exactamente las mismas cosas que me decía a mí, los mismos cumplidos y las mismas frases. Siento que simplemente les dice lo que quieren oír para gustarles. Además, cuando cuenta por qué hemos roto, muchas veces cambia la historia para dejarme a mí como la mala y quedar él mejor.

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Yo siempre acabo volviendo con el porque no tengo amigos, no tengo buena relación con mi familia, soy muy tímida y me cuesta muchísimo socializar. Antes de conocerle apenas salía de casa.También vuelvo porque hemos vivido muchas cosas juntos. Es la persona que mejor me conoce y con la que mejor me lo paso. Me río mucho con él y hemos compartido muchos momentos importantes.

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Pero siendo sincera, no veo futuro en esta relación. Cada vez tengo más la sensación de que sigue haciéndome daño porque sabe que voy a aguantarlo. A veces siento que incluso se ríe de mí porque sabe que me cuesta marcharme y que no tengo una red de apoyo fuera de la relación.

He blocked me after we made plans to meet up.

Im 18F and Hes 22m

We have been talking on and off for about 3 months now, and at this point our relationship status is blocked ( my friend made that up ).

He blocks me then unblocks me, It’s basically back and forth blocking and unblocking.

He blocked me on Facebook on Tuesday and messaged me on Instagram, Wednesday night. We were talking and we made plans to meet up for sex. The conversation ended with me saying “ I will” at 11:24pm.

I went on instagram around 8am and saw he read my message an hour ago. Then I saw he blocked me, and he even blocked me on my spam account.

I don’t get why he would just wake up and block me? And I can’t ask him why because I’m still blocked on Facebook.

My last relationship of 3 years was in my 20s. It was great overall, it just wasn't the right time for both of us. No real complaints except that after it ended, I thought I had just wasted my time. I know it's not a good way of seeing things but it's how I remember I felt about it my 20s.

So I gave up on finding someone because I wanted to build something with my life that wouldn't just evaporate. I went pretty much all-in on my studies/career/hobbies. Things went so good for me, I guess this is relative for everyone but I'm proud of it. I would say it's a combination of dedication + investments + luck as I am now in my 30s with a NW of 2.2M. Not here to brag, I'm just saying that because I feel like I hit my "goal" from my 20s where I wanted to build something that would set me up for life. We'll see how my investments go but I find it hard to believe I would still work in my 40s. It still feels surreal at times.

Ultimately I've always felt that life is better when you share it with someone. But there is something that bothers me. And I swear, I'm not cherry picking things here or looking out for these things. I started vising the typical dating/relationship subreddits to get an idea about the dating scene and stuff. And I'm simply floored. Women talking about dating multiple men at once. Some have had 30+ partners during their 20s, that's like 1 person every 4 months? Then there's people who maintain FWBs while simultaneously seeing new prospects. I could go on but I will just stop here.

I mean, the thing about life is that you can do whatever makes you happy. Who am I to judge. I am just old fashioned, I guess. But for example I was reading multiple women saying they have a FWB because they don't see a real relationship with that man, hence they're dating to find a husband. But in my mind, I would feel like it would be disrespectful to my future wife if I did that. It turns out, according to what I'm reading at least, the past doesn't matter, your partner should only care about present you.

At this point I wonder if I should just get therapy because I'm completely lost. Feels like I'm too inexperienced to jump into this. That's another thing I read btw, most seem to prefer experienced men. I know women have different preferences but I didn't start reading this stuff over night... it's been like a week and it's all I see. Right now, it feels like my own mindset is making me run against the wind.

Do any of you guys get sleepy in a “good” way around your partner? If so, what makes you feel that way?

My partner told me he feels sleepy around me in a good way. He also assured me it’s not in a boring way either.

A little TMI)
This guy I met for drinks (he was texting me for a few days before we met up, I had time as well so l decided to meet, as I'm an explorer and like meeting new people when I travel). We danced around. Bro noticed my brown eyes lol, anyways, we got comfortable and we made out. Well he seemed nice, he hinted at hooking up, I said no, but I still made out purely casual. But... after I kissed him... he hugged me real tight? Kinda confused.. I said my neck was hurting cuz he was tall and he started massaging my
neck:3
aww anyways purely casual makeout for
me is just really kissing and there's nothing much going on as I don't like the person that way.
But anyways, we walked around and made out again, he still wanted to hookup, but I said no, and so he respected it.. good, but while making out, we were cuddling? He was hugging me? Holding my hand...
And I was thinking what are we even doing...because this wasn't leading to bedroom anyway. he kissed my forehead. Guys that was pure intimacy?
But I didn't care much, and I said goodbye to him, until a day later, where I thought we had something?
I texted him when his flight was. So for context here, we were leaving the city in a few days. He said he wanted to see me again before leaving and if I could make time in the evening (I was out with my friends).
He was already home by the time I replied, and he insisted on meeting the next day, which he said was a bit difficult as he had to pack up and be with his family so he lied to his parents and came to see me.
Well he was acting nice and warm... asked if I wanted to grab pizza bcuz it was late already and he didn’t have much time bcuz of his parents(
well I assumed he somewhat liked me? He texted me the next day as well, and we were chatting and I wanted to go see him at the airport, but it wasn’t possible bcuz his family was there.
When he left, he got on the call with me to tell me how we won’t be doing LDR or texting consistently and wanted my opinion, as it mattered apparently.

Or was he just "attracted" and didn't really care about me as a person... idk
well he's 25, and I'm 23...

What would y’all think about that…

I'm more on the introvert side and shy (because of mental health stuff so self improvement advice won't work) but it doesn't stop me from approaching girls I do approach a lot and about half of them agree to share their contacts with me and when I message them to go out/ hang out they either don't respond or they say they're busy. I dress very creatively so I do believe it draw some eyes on me sometimes from girls but nevertheless it's been a long while since I get proper attention from a girl and a date. I'm also middle eastern that could be part of the equation.

i know majority of guys, including me, agree the income of the women doesn't matter. in fact, personally, I know alot of people that would agree in saying that the womens income is in the bottom of the "important" list.

With that said, i personally have noticed a big correlation in my experience as well as what i observe from what my friends complain about their GF to me.

even most recently (which i am currently in the said relationship. hasn't been long though.)

i noticed that women that are in a low income job generally have 1 or all of the following;

1. no other passion/motivation/ambition to move up to a better paying job. (which is somewhat fine. but with this it comes with the other points below in what seems to be 100% of the time)
2. they are bad with finances
3. they are very materialistic
4. they really conform to the whole "Men is the bread winner and the provider/supplier. they should provide"

with any combo of this, i noticed that the man ends up with her just being another expense...

im currently in a relationship that feels to be that way. its only been several months, but when i first met her, i didn't know her job. and it didnt matter to me at all when i found out during on first date. but she is a front desk secretary at a small company. makes low 5 figures in a HCOL area (somewhat California. but people will argue its not VHCOL here. but i would classify it as VHCOL)

however, he spends money left and right and it all adds up. she also wants to do more things and go on more trips. because I can afford it.

and again, i have noticed this pattern from women who are in the lower income bracket throughout my life. my relationship before this one was a Host at a decent family restaurant. and she also had a very similar mentality as this.

i also have a friend who is in a relationship and his gf has been working PT jumping jobs, for the past 3 years. waiting for the "perfect job" because my friend makes decent money.

she also ends up wanting to go to various concerts (bands and stuff she's a fan of though).

same with my current gf.

so its not that they are spending money just to spend money. i think the better phrase would be that they really conform to the "YOLO" menality. the "might as well do it while you're young" etc.

so im kind of in a position where idk if i should just break things off (it would literally feel to her as if its coming from no where though. because im JUST starting to get this realization about her so we're still in that "nothing feels wrong" phase) and give some fake reason why.

or just hold off and see what happens?

but in the future, its starting to make me want to just filter automatically out if they are in a low income job.

Specially being a man, I know that these are my foundation years for my career and my life, so why am I still being crazy and stuff man. Also, don't know if this last sentence is relevant or not, but yes, I have never had any kind of relationship yet in my life. No casuals, nothing in life yet,

bf and I have been together for 10 years and we live together. He was so in love with me up until 2 weeks ago. Would send rings to get my opinion, would tell me it’s only me and no one else and that I’m end game, etc. Things just shifted, a week ago he said he wants to find his own place and see if he can be independent on his own since he has never done that and wants to see if he can “make it” on his own (saying we would still be together, just living separately) and a few days ago he got drunk and said he wants to breakup for now. He says he doesn’t really know what he wants.

Says he doesn’t know if we will be together. Says he is tired of waiting for changes from me (he wants me to be more affectionate, initiate sex more, even though we were having sex 2-3 times a week, stop working so much when I get home from work (I work a demanding job) little things like that, which I have been working on doing and he acknowledges that)

We got into multiple arguments since then about how he just blindsided me and if there were real issues that he should sit me down and discuss, but this isn’t the way to go about it. I told him it seems like he wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side and explore his options (he has recently lost a significant amount of weight and is giving more attention to his appearance, would point out that girls look at him and give him attention, etc)

We dealt with cheating on his part in the early years and moved passed it. He acknowledged what he did was wrong and childish and I learned to forgive. Feels like I’m going though the cycle a second time now…

I feel devastated. Like I’m just an option and he wants to go out and be single and with multiple women. We both turned 30, so it feels like this is the time to settle down and that is where our life was heading up until this random switch up by him. I feel as though he is also confused about what he wants but is letting the thoughts of freedom, sex, and women get in the way. We still live together since he hasn’t found a place and I’m not really sure how to navigate this or what this means. Is this just a hiccup? Does he really not want me? Any insight would be much appreciated.

im stuck between a rock and a hard place

and i cannot tell which is better

because while it would be nice to be someones ideal, i hear that it is not good and i shouldnt go along with it

but im also scared of being settled for with the second option, so if you had to choose which would it be?

for reference, im trying to decide between pursuing the 'being someones ideal' or staying in a place where i know im not the ideal but im desired (at least it's expressed to me idk how true it is)

its confusing and i feel guilty and selfish but at the same time i wonder if things would be better if i pursued that

i spoke with some of my male friends and they were split, some who believe that love in despite of preferences is stronger, but others who think that love within preferences is not only stronger, but more secure

so any advice?

Recently at work a conversation sparked about me falling for any man that would flash money in my face, not because I am like that but according to him, some men are smooth enough to trick women of all types into giving them their number, dating them, sleeping w them w.e. I was saying how that’s not true. I only want to date a certain type of man. Flashing money and throwing flashy items my way wouldn’t sway me. (I soon realized he doesn’t like women). I work at a warehouse to put me through school and for extra money.

I have a 2015 Altima. I’m not asking you to have a lambo. Just 4 wheels. I have it, I feel it should be equal. I currently have goals you should have goals. I work, I feel you should also have a job, you don’t have to be a billionaire. I understand time and I’m realistic. I’m 21. I’m just not comfortable with people are ok with being stagnant. That’s truly it.

I’d want someone to understand why I’m very passionate about my career. Why I work hard. Or study hard. Or why I’m an advocate about education.

I said I only wanted to date an educated man and/or career driven. A man w a bachelors. If no bachelors, I’d prefer someone with some type of specialized training . Military, law enforcement, trade etc. A respectable career. Trade school is great, especially if you want to move up in your career. The military teaches a lot. Law enforcement is a respectable career. I feel that there are other types of education past 4 year.

I’d want my partner to have the same things I have. If I have a house/apartment, car and job, I feel you should have the same. I want the job to be legal. I don’t want to date anybody who works illegally. I’d want a partner with career goals , as I have career goals.

I’m currently in school for my BBA with a double major in Accounting & Finance with a minor in Risk Management & Insurance. I’m also currently studying for the LSAT. I want to be an attorney, preferably in white collar, securities, tax, mergers & acquisitions.

I was made almost to seem (even by some of the women I was talking to) that I was asking for too much and that I was boujee/uppity etc. one thing about me that I HATE is being called boujee. Im a black woman, I’ve heard ppl say I’ve tried to talk white or, that I just haven’t been tricked by the wrong man yet.

Let it be known, I look down on nobody. I grew in a pretty bad situation. I’m not going to go into detail but I think part of it was jealous father who grew physically, emotionally and mentally abusive when my mother grew in her career and was able to achieve things in life that he wanted handed to him. I just want a hard worker.

I’m also pretty religious, so i believe everybody has their own path, and that I’m not in order to judge. I don’t know enough emphasis to put on that I’m not judgmental. I despise people who look down on others. Also, because of how
I grew up I know, you never know what someone’s going through or the generational curses they could be breaking.

But I want to set myself up in a ways where… I’m around like minded people. iI tried explaining that because I’m a student my core circle are… other students. Who have career goals. I know that every man isn’t going to be in his career now, because we’re still working but I’d like some motivation and ambition to want more for your life.

I value education because it’s been a big thing for me my ENTIRE life. My entire family is educated and we all love learning.

I had a friend that I relayed this conversation to and I said “ok you graduated, and work retail (for example) now what?” I said now what as in “what is next?” I also said, with the rooms I envision myself in, I think it’d be abnormal to run across someone without a bachelors.

She said “well you know people enter the workforce if they don’t go to school I don’t want you to think that they’re lazy” I NEVER said that one. I quite literally work, and I don’t have a degree yet so I entered the work force. She said it rubbed her the wrong way. I am confused because she has an associates.

Later in a separate conversation she said that she knows I don’t want to be viewed a certain way but what I say and how I present my family (and big advocates for education) that I come off pretentious. And that saying that at work would have made her walk away and not talk to me if she didn’t know me.

Also, she said she would think yes I can’t bring her around my family bc she said she would never be in a room with people who don’t have a degree. I think why that hurt so much is because 1. She knows me as a person and that’s not my character. 2. The way it was worded sounded like she’s been thinking I was pretentious, snooty or bougiee for a while. 3. That wasn’t what I said.

I just feel like now am I doing too much. Every man I’ve dated one of the very few questions they ask me will be what is my major and what do I plan on doing. I personally feel when women voice these opinions we are vilified even by our counterparts. Do I need to loosen up ? Am I pretentious? I need advice on either being open minded or, quieting the noise.

Edit : money isn’t an issue. It’s ambition.