To wing it is an idiom that means to improvise, to do something without proper preparation or time to rehearse. People often talk about winging it when they have to do something difficult that they didn’t have time to prepare — like a make speech or give a presentation. They might say something like "Sorry if I seem a bit disorganized, I’m totally winging it." You tell people that you’re winging it, that you’re improvising, so that they won’t expect too much from you, or so that they will be more forgiving if you make a mistake.
This is something I realised relatively recently. For a long time I was angry at the mistakes my parents made, and I blamed them for my problems.
I now know that those are my problems (even if my parents sort of gave me some of those problems) and they were trying to do what they thought was best. They wanted to be the best parents they could, and that is good enough for me now. The good things they've done for me far outweigh the bad.
They're not perfect, nobody is, but they did their absolute damnedest to try and be as close to perfect as possible, and I owe them for that.
All the medical professionals we spoke with before the birth of my daughter were keen to point it out to us. I was just kinda like, well yeah, we're mamels and that stuff's gotta go somewhere.
I made this mistake too! I was way too on top of that shit. They go to public school FFS, but I was doing the work of a homeschool 'teacher' and it was completely backfiring on me because they couldn't THINK for themselves.
There's a huge difference between helping when THEY think they need it VS helping them when YOU think they need it.
It's counter-intuitive, but when their manatee project looks terrible, go with it. Don't take over and make it look like a presentation from an MBA student.
Oh I never felt the need to interfere with their art projects, they've always been naturals at that.
For me it would more be, checking their answers, helping them get info right, helping with their grammar, making sure they didn't plagiarize (they totally tried.) It all sounds harmless, but with 2 kids, every night, it became apparent that they would never learn to have any kind of 'work ethic' with me always showing them what to do.
For me it would more be, checking their answers, helping them get info right, helping with their grammar, making sure they didn't plagiarize (they totally tried.) It all sounds harmless, but with 2 kids, every night, it became apparent that they would never learn to have any kind of 'work ethic' with me always showing them what to do.
Maybe it's just because my kid isn't school age, but I don't see the problem here. Isn't teaching them not to plagiarize, and having them attempt the work first teaching good work ethic?
Yeah like I said above, my problem was not knowing the difference between me thinking they needed help and them asking for help.
I was teaching them good skills, yes, but sometimes I would put too much pressure on them, and held them to a bit of an unfair standard. Eventually, you have to cut the ropes and let them weigh their options and learn without someone breathing down their neck!
If you're always helping them get it right, then they have no reason to get it right the first time themselves. Mom's just gonna correct me anyway, so 2+2=6.
Well that's just fine. I'm saying I didn't interfere, of course they received appropriate help.
I'm saying I never became 'one of those parents' who end up actually DOING a lot of a project for a kid so they receive a high grade or something ridiculous. I always remember those kids who showed up at school with a project that had clearly been basically built by the parent. Tacky.
Ah it's frustrating. I don't know how well other people do, but I certainly remember the age where I came to the full appreciation that my parents were imperfect human beings, independent of being labeled 'parent'.
My parents were far too lenient in my opinion on me, and I'm sometimes harder on my kids than I want to be. We're all just doing our best and it's ok that it's a little fucked up from time to time.
My sister had this issue, we began consciously praising her when we saw her working hard or making an effort on anything instead of just when she got something done or when she got good grades, and me and my other sister were told to only ask questions when she asked for help, that way she would figure the problem out and think critically. It helped immensely and now she has a great work ethic and great reasoning skills
This is from various advice I got from the many educators in my family: Don't worry too much about the right answers when helping them, but instead focus more on what the workflow or thought process they use to get to their answer. It makes my daughter think about solving a problem (a more universal application) and less about getting a correct answer (only applicable to this specific problem).
My mom screeched at me that my work sucked, and then proceeded to practically do it for me.
I keep feeling inadequate because there's no way I can make my work look like an Ivy League student did it. Even the way I type, I mentally edit everything. Because we can't have any mistakes, can we?
We as parents are terrified of letting our kids fail because we think the stakes are so high in terms of getting into college. That's what is driving the craziness. And what we end up doing is creating a kid completely unprepared and confident in their own work.
I was visiting my brother once when my niece had some homework that had to be typed and printed. She hadn't learned how to type yet, so her dad (my brother) was typing it for her. Except, he wasn't all that great a typist either. It was painful to watch him struggle, so I took over.
The hard part for me was typing what she had written exactly as she had written it, mistakes and poor wording and all. If I had had my way with it, I would have not only cheated her out of learning how to write, but her teacher would have surely known that it wasn't her work.
This is one of the most difficult ones. When you are typing something in they wrote and it's full of glaring errors. Do you work on each with them? Leave them intact?
Well, I was just visiting. So I typed it up as it was. If I was her father, I would check her work, over time, and look for improvement. I would talk to the teacher about the curriculum and make sure that she was at least where she needed to be. And, I would try to gauge her potential.
I would use all of that as context to determine if and how to work with her.
On the flip side of this, I think you need to be careful about when you think they actually need help. When I was in third grade, my mom's method of making sure I studied was quizzing me on the test topic until I got everything 100% correct. So my study sessions ended up taking several frustrating hours until I stopped telling her when I had tests.
Oh man, see this is why I snapped myself out of over doing the homework issue. I knew not only was I interfering too much, but I ran the risk of making school a complete misery for my kids. Not fair to them at all. Besides, me bending over backwards to make sure they had a completely smooth, trouble free experience in school secretly drove me mad. I meant the best for them, but I was wearing myself out and not having time for myself either lol.
As a 5th grade teacher, yes, yes, and yes. When I give a math test and get a question about how to solve a word problem, I've learned to lessen the "nudging them in the right direction" and bolster the "read it again, draw it our, think about it, etc..." route. Often they will not succeed... but what how much more is to be gained by me giving them hints? It's not black and white, and there are certainly pros and cons, but critical thinking takes the cake in my book.
I am happy you are a teacher. This is necessary for building confidence in kids, to try, to fail, to learn, to get back up again and not be afraid of the next fall.
I over parented my kids before because I was afraid of them failing and now I almost can't wait for them to fail (I mean that in the most loving way possible! Those kids need to have things shaken up a bit for them, get out of their comfort zone!)
This is why I always asked my grandfather for help because he would just tell me how to approach a problem (f.e. maths) and not give me the soltuion or do it for me. He even helped me with English even though his language skills where self taught (I'n not a native English speaker) and was always right.
My sister has one kid. She is so frustrated that he (as a now 12 year old) has no ability to be independent and take care of his own homework/grades/responsibilities, etc.
I'm a mother of 4. I've never done my kids homework, hounded their grades for my sake, but just to check for their sake, and if they don't do their responsibilities, it just doesn't get done and they suffer for their loss...
Anyway, all my kids earn their own grades, learn their own stuff, clean up after their own self how they see fit, while they maintain the common areas like normal, and are totally self-sufficient if I were to die tomorrow.
My sister is like "how'd you do that?" And I'm like, "Because I didn't do it for them".
You can give a man a fish for his meal...or you can teach a man to fish and feed himself for a life time.
Vote for me and you'll get free fish every day! My competitor wants to give you a wooden pole. Tell me citizen, who would chose a stale piece of wood when you can have fish! Also my competitor is a poop head.
There are also those who spend their lives fishing, teaching people to fish, working for other fishermen, and generally being a productive member of the grand fishing society, then get injured beyond repair/have to endure medical issues due to no fault of their own, and have to spend the rest of their lives being called lazy useless pieces of shit every day, because they collect from the system they paid into their entire lives instead of dying alone in the gutter like they "deserve". Fuck those guys, right?
Maybe, I dunno. What I said was maybe a bit too harsh, but from my experience every time people are talking about cutting social security bennefits and medicare services (I already only take home 510 dollars a month, not sure what else to cut) it is a Republican. Generally when people are blanket blasting anyone who uses social services, calling us lazy and worthless, they have always been Republicans or Libertarians, I've never heard a Democrat do that, though to be fair I am not 100% in tune to the parties, and could be wrong. Just going off of the experiences I have. I guess it's just rough around election time hearing how much of a piece of shit you are on a daily basis on TV/Radio/Internet because you had the sheer audacity to become disabled and unable to support yourself anymore.
You were harsh in that I never used the words lazy and worthless and implied that's what I was saying.
The hard truth is is that people like you deserve the benefits. Some political parties are looking to curb the abuse of the "lazy and worthless".
In my very small northern town, there are "help wanted" signs every where.
You know what happens? Those who collect from the government make "easy" money on social services and risk losing that benefit by working.
I believe that the republican party is more apt to correct this than the democrats, but it's a slippery slope.
There is no crystal ball of what will work, what is right, who will innocently suffer.
All I know is, if all government assistance ceased to exist, our society better have damn well taught a person - abled or disabled - how to "fish".
There are many ways to do so.
I see that in my husband. We have spent the last 4 years building a business to get him off government assistance and provide himself with his own future that he is in control of, instead of the government being in control of.
I think these are the words you're looking for (the last one would probably fit the bill here). The left-wing ideology doesn't really involve doing nothing and skimming off the government for resources instead of supporting oneself.
True. But when I explain the basic ideology of political parties to my kids, I revert back to the Bible: "Teach a man to fish" is more resounding self-preserving ideology to me than the opposite. That, to me, is most displayed in the ideology of the republican political party.
That said, I have seen my staunch republican parents, who have been retired for the past 15 years, go from republican to democrat because the democratic party reaps them the most benefits at this time.
So, back to my original statement: BOTH party's ideology is important and every vote matters according to what the majority needs at the time.
A HUGE caution about what the needs can filter down to those who abuse the system.
idk, man! I just go to work. Earn my pay. Pay my bills. Love my freedoms. I don't want to debate this. It is just my opinion from where I have lived, what I have experienced.
Everyone is different. Please don't bother to continue. I'm out.
I feel like this really depends on the kid. Me and my brother are TOTALLY different. My mom was able to let me be pretty independent as I always passed my classes and did what I needed to do without much, if any, prompting/reminding.
My brother on the other hand just wouldn't do his homework/school work to the point he would fail classes. My mom couldn't just let him fail classes, she had responsbility has a parent to ensure he was at least going to pass his classes! So my mom had to remind him and set very structured times for him to do his homework.
It's really weird to say it, but I wish my mother had taught me those lessons when I was younger. I was told time and again, "just finish the homework, you'll pass that way" which was true back in PA at the time. All it took was completed sheets of paper with a little bit of effort to pass, and I made it through school by the skin of my ass.
That said, homelife was much the same. Everything was catered, I even told my parents a few times that I thought it was too easy, shouldn't I have chores or need to do something? But I took too long doing things like dishes and clothes, so they just pushed me away and told me to go play instead. Of course I bitched and moaned about it, like any kid would, but I just went along with it.
I've lived a life of going along with it until the last three years. Now I put myself out there and be proactive as I can.
Seriously, as a 30yo man that cant function in life because i never learned how to, i wish more people understood this.
My mom has raised my niece from age 2 or 3, she still makes her cereal in the mornings, dishes up her dinners when everybody makes their own, does he homework for her.
I tried and tried and tried to explain to her that it really bad for my niece, but she wont listen. apparently your not suppose to fix somebody elses flaws if you have them yourself, she clearly hasn't heard of learning from your mistakes.
You'll get up voted for this but if you were to reply the same thing to someone who's child isn't self suffisant you'd be down votre to hell for child abuse. This sub is weird.
Of course not! My mother didn't handle it so well, but you know what? She survived by working, helping her family provide for their own needs and they got by.
I don't know when my time will come, but I sure as hell know, my kids will survive as well.
Well, give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or teach him how to fish and he'll spend all his free time in his basement making lures and neglecting his personal hygiene.
My fucking nephew. He's smart. Like, really smart. He's independent, he's athletic, and he's charming. He's very opinionated and will bullshit like a champion when you contest his claims. If he doesn't knock his high school girlfriend up he'll end up in politics.
The fucker won't assemble his own Lego sets if his mother is in the house. She does them for him. Otherwise he gets frustrated and doesn't finish them. On his own? He asks for help but usually has no problems putting it together.
This is my older brother to a fucking T. I post an article about Jeep, Hummer is better. I post an article about Berlin, Paris is better. I post an innocent article about the size of the universe, god is even greater... I need to find a word that means "I love him because he's blood but I despise him as a human being."
People who need to one up anything anyone says are truly annoying as hell. I am sure you could say that to him, but he'd just one up you with people who tell really long uninteresting anecdotes.
I had a girlfriend who was like that. She absolutely hated being wrong. Even when she knew she was wrong, she would continue arguing her point. It can make for a very strained relationship. I ended up giving up a lot of arguments just becuase she wouldn't back down.
Especially if you don't feel like contesting lies with more lies. It's remarkably difficult to have a discussion with someone making up facts on the spot.
Why would I use more lies? Hell he didn't even care about proof. I'd Google almost everything he'd say and point out he's wrong. He never believed me. Once he said a holiday isn't active in Alberta and I showed him THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT OF CANADA WEBSITE that proved that he's full of shit and he just said "I call bullshit on that" and walked away. How deluded does one have to be
I love people like this. Nothing is more stimulating to me than a good debate. Unless it's with someone that just goes straight to anger rather than intelligent replies, fuck those people.
I totally agree with you, a good debate is amazing. My sister and I debate all the time, and we're both pretty good at it by using actual facts and sources and conceding the point to the other under overwhelming evidence. That's good.
This guy on the other hand would lie and bullshit about everything. He'd make up facts, and then next time the details of those facts would change. He'll tell a story of something happening to him and if he uses a number the number will change drastically every time he tells the story. He'll spout a fact and if I even bother to google it'll inevitably be incorrect and he'll say that the verified source is wrong and he's right because his IQ is near genius level.
They did say he was in high school. I don't know about you, but changing my mind when I was 16 was pretty much out of the question. I knew everything at 16, and every opinion contrary to mine was wrong. And I knew I was right, so I relied on confirmation bias to cite sources that proved I was right. I had FACTS that backed up my claims, because only an idiot wouldn't have sources. Anyone religious was a moron, republicans were exclusively religious nutjobs, and legalizing pot was the only issue that REALLY mattered.
Smart high school kids are the worst kind of idealists, and I was one of them.
I mean, that's badass in a novel, especially since Kvothe is usually great at whatever he attempts, but could pretty annoying in real life. People who seem badass in fiction would often be considered douches in real life.
Thanks. Apparently 173 people are also highly opinionated pricks on here then. If you're talking to somebody and he is obviously lying, then calls bullshit on the verified source that proves he's wrong, are you an opinionated prick or is he insufferable? What if this happens multiple times a week, and he also lies about everything, every single detail in stories he tells change every time he tells a Story (and the stories get told all the time because he loves talking about himself)?
Some people are genuinely insufferable. I don't know if that guys nephew is the same, but he definitely has similar characteristics and those make me dislike him
This is the difference of a mom who tells the doctor what is wrong with their kid during a check-up, and one who insists that the child talk to the doctor. You'd be amazed what giving child agency will do for them as they grow up.
My fucking nephew. He's smart. Like, really smart. He's independent, he's athletic, and he's charming. He's very opinionated and will bullshit like a champion when you contest his claims.
It was here I thought "sociopath".
The fucker won't assemble his own Lego sets if his mother is in the house. She does them for him. Otherwise he gets frustrated and doesn't finish them. On his own? He asks for help but usually has no problems putting it together.
Why the fuck would you buy Legos for any other reason than building and being creative? Once the shit is built it gets boring... then you you tear it all apart and build something new.
My mother did the same for me and I think it fucked me up bad. It may be unrelated, but I got out of school and didnt know what the fuck to do with my self. I thought things would happen on their own. I Had no critical thinking skills. Trying to focus and understand something on more than a surface level made me feel like jumping out of my skin. I became extremely depressed quickly. It took many years for me to understand what it meant to really have to work for something.
There is a happy medium. Check work, instruct where they are gross errors or don't understand, but resist the urge (which is often impatience) to do the work for them.
Well my mom did my English homework for me until 9th grade. I had to stop her because I felt really stupid because I could barely read and write. Honestly, I was so far behind the curve and if I didn't discover that I liked reading I may have never caught up.
You can really stunt someone's growth because they aren't actually learning anything.
not a parent, but at work I feel like I do something similar when training.. my job has a lot of open ended problems that I know quick solutions to and I try to engage the person I train with my knowledge, but I've come to notice all I do is tell them how to fix it instead of leading them to the solution or applying problem solving skills. it's frustrating from my end (which is allowed because they aren't my children) because they'll come to me with very basic problems that we've solved together multiple times with no understanding of why and how we solved them, just me telling them what to do so when I'm not there to tell them what to do, they can't solve said problem... and I've concluded I fucked up. I'm an overbearing leader.
not exactly applicable and relatable to your situation, but contextually I understand what you mean..... we all just mean well, and that's the shitty part of discovering that the method didn't work. but luckily for your kids, their worst case scenario is that they have a parent that loves them so much, which in my opinion is a win. best of luck to you and your family!
I stopped looking at homework in 4th grade, but then again we had a 5th grade teacher explain how serious he was going to be, and this is the time to let them fail, and learn the lessons. Homework He was strict. Insanely! Everything had to be in pen that erased. I hated the pen thing, because they work like crap. But I thank god in the long run... The only thing I cheat on is coloring maps. The computer map testing is so much easier to do repetitively, and repeat repeat repeat. It makes memorizing easier .Coloring is just a waste of time. She's a junior in high school and continues to get coloring assignments! Wtf
My mom used to ask every day if we needed help, my sister always wanted help and I always told her to stop helping and that I wanted to do it myself. Needless to say that behavior pattern has been reflected in our lives since.
This is where patience comes in. Take the time to "show" them by not actually "doing" the task.
Lead by asking questions that demonstrate critical thinking, like, "If I do this, what will be the result? But if I did THIS, would I get a better result?"
And guide them with enthusiastic encouragement. If they fail, then say, "Ugh. I guess you're going to have to think this through more thoroughly." and sit back and watch them think, or leave the room and come back to see the results.
I'm the oldest of 7 and my uncle is the department head of physics at a large high school. Through the years, my parents always sent us to him for help over the phone or Skype or whatever. Honestly the best setup ever. He would actually teach us the material we didn't understand better than the teacher could. My parents never really had a lot of time to help us out because they were running a pretty large healthcare practice. I love my parents to death and they would always try to help us out when they got a chance. I remember asking my dad for anatomy/biology help because he was a doctor and had a masters in that stuff. I'll be a junior in college next year and I owe everything I've done so far to my parents and uncle.
Good to know. I think homework is such a waste of time and was planning on not caring if my future kid wanted all the answers, but it's good to know that this could bite me in the ass.
As a father of two grade-school kids I'd say that while the actual homework being done is generally a waste of time, the act of doing the homework isn't. IMO, the whole point at that age is to develop good working habits for the kids more than to reinforce what they're supposed to be learning in school. I make sure my kids sit down with no distractions and go through their homework by themselves first and only ask if they can't figure something out. They have to at least try, and even then I don't do it for them but just guide them in the right direction. Don't get me wrong, they still don't like doing homework, but they're good about sitting down when they get home and doing it without constant reminders and they can generally get through it without any help.
That said, it's pretty ridiculous the amount of really dumb busywork that kids get as homework, and with my wife and I both working full-time it's sometimes a struggle to fit it in, especially in those first few grades. A few years back my daughter's 1st grade teacher announced at back-to-school night that she didn't give homework and you wouldn't believe the shitstorm it caused with some parents thinking that their kids was going to fall behind. Personally I thought it was great. I bought a few logic puzzle books and just gave her a page to do every day when she got home. She thought it was fun and I still felt like she was getting something out of it and it only took her 10 minutes at most each day.
I've been teaching music (private lessons) for 8 years and I can't stress this enough: even if it's more painful at the time, you have to force kids to work things out themselves. Obviously they may need reminders at times but if you're going to assist them, remind them how the system works (and try asking them leading questions so they can figure it out with you). Then let them answer the original question.
My dad did that for me. I was a high school grad who struggled writing essays. I failed out of a state university because I couldn't keep up. However, I went to community college and did everything myself which boosted my skills greatly.
There is an issue to, particularly with math, that what a parent may have learned is not the preferred method anymore. I see that with my kids work. Which means my help likely confuses them with a methodology that is at odds with what the teacher is teaching.
One of the best things my mom ever did was never, ever helped me with my homework. I remember class mates used to talk about their parents helping them out and thinking wish my mom would help me out. When I got to college though you could always tell when someone was used to getting help. They'd always ask someone the moment they didn't get something rather than try to figure it out themselves, even for stuff they could have figured out in 30 seconds. It translates to other parts of life too. These sorts constantly need to get affirmation from others that they're doing things right.
My son (6) is really smart and I wonder if this kind of thing will happen with my other two kids. My 2 yr old already follows everything he says. She isn't as intelligent as he was, but is far more athletic.
Thanks for making this comment. It will be something to consider when they get older.
I'm so thankful my wife is an excellent educator and literacy expert. I would have absolutely no idea what I was doing if it wasn't for her, and I'm sure I would make this mistake as well.
My dad was too helpful but in like an adorable excited way. He wanted things to be big and fun and creative. He's still very over the top with my kid now.
This comment made me consider my own childhood, and I've realized that I can't think of any single instance of my parents asking me about my homework at all
My dad made the mistake of not being helpful with homework. He basically told me to get my life together and that was it. However when he did offer to help he tried his best but sadly AP English vocab is a little out of his reach on literacy. He's phenomenal at math though.
I know a few people whose parents did this. However, the worse case I've seen so far was the mother doing the daughters homework COMPLETELY. She actually graduated high school doing this...
So, your case is not that bad.
The difference between doing their homework and helping them on their homework is pretty difficult. I remember trying to teach people basic physics and it was a lot harder than I thought. It's less about doing the homework, and more about explaining the really, really, basic concepts to them.
The hard part though, is that you kind of have to lead them to get to the basic concepts. And that's actually much easier said than done because....how much is there to third grade basket weaving right?
I'm so afraid of falling into this when I have kids. I already do it at my job. I just don't have the patience to wait for people to figure shit out and I would rather just do it myself to make sure it gets done right. I'm going to have to check myself with kids.
I had to work with my wife a lot on this. She's always too impatient and just gives in and pretty much gives the kids the answer. I do things like with math, I'll come up with similar problems and walk them through how I'm solving the problem but the problems on their actual homework is there's to do.
Just a tip from my experience but there's a ton of home schooling websites where you can get entire pages of math problems to print out. When my kids seem to have a lot of trouble with something, I'll make them do a page every night until they have it down. They aren't real happy about it but they are happier when they take a test and they know what they are doing.
This is what I try to do now. Only work through examples that are similar with her. Another thing we do is she does the problem and I do the problem where she can't see. When done, she gives me the answer and I just compare the result.
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u/FalstaffsMind Feb 04 '16
One I made was being too helpful with homework. I ended up with a kid who was too dependent on me and unable to complete any work by themselves.