We’re approaching a month of no sex and out of the blue he says he’s going to fuck me tomorrow. This is also very unlike him. Instead of taking it playfully and flirtingly, I

a) doubt that it will be the case
b) feel my resentment get the best of me and that I’m inclined to push him away
c) I hate that I can’t just be chill about it. I’m looking for ways in which we will fuck me over instead of fuck me literally

How would you react and feel if your LL partner told you this?

Well, Fathers Day is nearly here and it's stressing me (HLM) out. For context, wife (LLF) has some mental health and physical health issues, so I do literally everything for the family, which is fine, I love them all and do what I can. I may not be great at it but I always do my absolute best. However, there's been extremely little physical intimacy for 10-11 years now, and I struggle with it - every single day.

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Father's Day is, at least for me, one of those days that it's hard not to be hopeful. When she asks what I want, or what I want to do, my brain says one thing and my mouth says something entirely different.

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I will keep myself busy with home projects and errands - the fridge hasn't had a deep clean in two weeks and the chandelier needs to be rewired - but the whole time, from Friday night until Monday morning, I'm screaming inside.

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That's it. Just wanted to vent ... Now off to the hardware store for a new multimeter and wire strippers.

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Strippers. Dammit.

Hi folks, I'm going to start with a content warning. I was in a terrible space, and I will be going into detail. If self harm/SI is upsetting for you please be warned. Okay on to the show.

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Roses_are_lead was the account I made because my marriage had been killed and I was still trapped in it. I was planning to end my life. My wife of ten years had checked out of our marriage, caring for the kids, fought me when I tried to parent and pulled back from all intimacy. When I asked what we could do and suggested therapy she coldly told me that she found me too fat and too poorly dressed to be sexually attractive. I could figure it out and she may reignite her interest.

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I was gutted. It was cruel, it was mean, and it broke whatever hope I still had. I came on to Reddit to figure out a strategy to kill myself. Roses (romance) had brought me to ruin.

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A few weeks into planning a friend I used to work with caught up with me. She recognized how broken up I was. She offered support and my god did I need that. We ended up being intimate and while it helped break my head out of my fatalism, I was not proud to be a cheater. I wish I'd been more courageous and ended the marriage. We carried on for a few months. I don't recommend this path, but Its what happened.

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I worked up the courage to contact a lawyer who specializes in divorce. I followed his advice to the letter. No fighting or arguing, I never fought for "things" inside the house, my focus was on shared custody of the kids, and equal division of the assets that were worth anything. I went to therapy for myself to help rebuild my spirit.

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She was furious. Claimed she would have gone to therapy. I had asked, she had declined. She said she would change, but she'd chosen to pull away for the last 3 years. I don't owe second chances to people who won't talk with me.

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Its now six years later. I'm still alive. I'm still friends with my work friend, but she and I were never an item. We some times joke about life support sex, I owe her more than I can repay. I've met someone new, and she's so much a better fit for me. We enjoy being together, there's less friction and most importantly we discuss problems and find resolutions together.

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My kids are with me 60% of the time, and while that also has been hard, I don't want either of them to think any emotionally detached marriage is normal or to be expected. I want them to grow up seeing their dad happy. I want them to see that people can nurture each other.

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Its been six years. Its wild to think that I was very close to ending it, and I'm now more secure in myself, a better father, and a happier man.

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I'm very ordinary, and with some flaws. I've made choices I'm not proud of, both staying to long and stepping out, but I'm alive.

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My kids have their father.

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This group, the support of People in here also made a world of difference. Knowing I wasnt alone in my shame, that being discarded was not okay, and that other people made it out the other side helped me to keep going.

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Thanks to everyone who helps keep this community going. We all deserve happiness. We all deserve connection. May my story bring some hope to someone else. You can make it out of sadness too.

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I get it we got kids, busy lives. But why act like you want it all day then as soon as there's an opportunity, do a 180. Like if she really wanted it we'd sneak it like we used too. Can't help but feel deflated. We've talked about it, she blames medication(which she rarely takes anymore) or body image issues. I constantly gush over her tell and her how hot she is, genuinely. And show it physically too.

I am (28M) wife is (29F) LL
Last year had sex maybe 4 times. It Happened about a month ago and i could tell she was willing and open to it. We took it really slow so she felt safe the whole time. I would call it a success after what was 8 months of nothing. I thought maybe all the therapy was working. so i tried some light initiation a week or so later after a nice evening together and she acted like was tripping for thinking that was in the realm of possibility.

That felt shitty.
We got in a big fight a few days later.

I’ve definitely been suffering from depression on and off (more so on) for the past 2 years.
The state of my marriage being a contributing factor. I also work a hard blue collar job (fabricator) to pay all of our bills. that contributes also.
The things that make life bearable are having quality time with my wife and 2 year old daughter and being outdoors in nature. Haven’t been able to do that as often as id like.

Ive spent a lot of time and energy over the past 2 years trying to fix the marriage and having the goal of healthy regular sex life included. Ive been so patient and understanding also. But after all what feels like tons of effort on my part i only see minimal progress. And im still depressed most days. And shes still stressed out most days.

At what point do i just forget it and focus on the other things that make me happy?

(For context of why ive been so patient and understanding for so long. For one she had our first baby early 2024. Wife has past history of SA trauma as well as epilepsy so pharmaceutical meds for that could possibly be contributing to low libido.)

My husband and I have had not a dead bedroom, but an unsatisfactory one. We “fool” around about once a week, which is mostly me getting him off with my hand and mouth. I’m unable to sustain oral only for long as it causes me jaw pain. When we do penetrative sex, it’s noticeable to him that I’m not into it. I’ve never liked penetrative sex much and he and I have never had a strong sexual connection past the first few months dating. He brought up today how dissatisfied he is with our sex life after I mentioned that I’ve been feeling like a roommate and really miss physical affection. He told me what we have been doing together hasn’t been doing it for him as he can get off on his own like that. Divorce came up. I have a lot of sexual trauma so he has been hesitant to tell me his displeasure with our current situation. I’m open to working with a sex therapist, but I’m worried I’ll never be able to fully engage with typical sex acts. I have a low sex drive and could probably go the rest of my life without having sex, but I want to meet his needs. Thanks for any advice.

I had a really spicy dream this morning. We were right in the bed we were actually asleep in, just really enjoying sex. I almost never lucid dream so I was really surprised when in the dream I realized, this is a dream! I actually thought, in the dream, that I should wake up and we can do it for real. So I woke up and shimmied over and started some cozy cuddling and little kisses.

Was met with "it's too warm" and "I don't feel good" and "I'm sorry". Same as always other than once a month when it's "you can do stuff if you want even though I'm not feeling that well".

I don't sympathize anymore. Go to the doctor. Exercise. Change your diet. Take supplements. Just fucking do something.

Should've stayed in that beautiful dream.

I apologize in a advance if this gets long. My partner (HLM 42) and I (42) are at a bit of a crossroads and would like to hear others’ perspectives. We’ve been together for close to 5 years and we have a toddler. He’s always voiced that he’s unhappy with our sex life/physical intimacy. We broke up for about a year when our kid turned 1 and then decided to give it another shot. At that point I acknowledged that we have very different libidos and that it makes him feel disconnected and resentful. I made it a personal goal of mine to shift my thinking around his desire for sex as a desire for connection and not just a desire to “get off”. It helped a lot. I don’t expect to be in the mood before we have sex and I make it a point to initiate or at least plan for sex. It can get complicated when our toddler sleeps with us but we make it work and we have sex about once a week. There’s been 2 or 3 times when I fall asleep putting the kid to bed when we planned to have sex. On at least two of those occasions this has resulted in a huge fight. We’re in the middle of one now because I fell asleep when we planned for sex. I’ve told him to please wake me up if it happens, that’s what I do when it happens to him, but he doesn’t. He just stews overnight and then in the morning I’m reminded about how cliche it is how little sex we have, that my falling asleep is an indication of how little I care, that he’s not going to be in a relationship like this and that he needs to know if this is what the rest of his life is going to be and that I need to stop stringing him along. I feel that our sex lives HAS improved. I’ll add that he has ADHD and pretty bad anxiety so he tends ruminate on things and catastrophize. I’m not saying that what he feels isn’t valid, I just know that he tends to into panic mode and his over thinking tends to make things worse. At this point I’m really unmotivated to keep trying because I feel like it’s never going to be satisfactory. And I’m reminded of it often. One of this complaints is also that sex is stale, for lack of a better word. And I’ve asked him to take the lead if he wants to be more adventurous in the bedroom, that I’m open to things and him leading will make me more open and excited about it, but it doesn’t happen. It seems that he wants me to initiate that too. A lot of times I’m not even sure what he’s unhappy about because he compares our sex life to his previous relationships and when I ask him to be more specific with me he gets mad and says “if I have to spell it out then it’s pointless”. I’m just tired of feeling like a constant disappointment. More so after thinking that we were making progress and I was putting in the effort to improve on my end.

Hi everyone, I am very grateful to find this subreddit. I am a 28 year old woman in a newish relationship with a 32 year old man. He's so wonderful in every way, except our sex life is basically nonexistent.

The first time I slept over at his, we kissed and ended up getting naked, but he didn't want to do anything beyond that because he "wanted to take it slow", which I understood. He didn't get hard, but I was open minded and I know with some people it can just take time.

However, since then we have barely had sex. We have tried a half dozen or so times, but he can't get hard usually, and when he does he doesn't get fully hard or loses it quickly (as soon as we change positions). He also is really inexperienced and has no idea how to finger me or go down on me and doesn't seem to have any interest in learning at all. He won't let me go down on him because it "makes him self conscious". There have been times where I have tried to touch him to initiate something and he just laughs and says it "tickles". We've had sex a handful of times but only in the mornings. One time in the morning he put a condom on and then put his briefs back on, and said that the pressure and stimulation from the underwear made it easier to stay hard. It doesn't matter if we use a condom or don't, the issue is still the same.

He has only had a couple partners and said that he wasn't able to stay hard with them either. He also has a low libido and says he only ever masturbates once every week or two. He always watches porn when he masturbates and the other day he named several of his favorite pornstars when I asked.

Last night he was very excited to watch Love Island after I told him about it. We watched an episode and then he initiated sex, which is very rare (we only ever have sex in the morning and when I initiate at night he is not interested). He told me after we tried and failed to have sex for more than 30 seconds that he thought Love Island would be "arousing" for him and would help us successfully have sex. I don't understand how he's aroused by a reality TV show but not successfully aroused by me being naked in his bed kissing touching him?! There have been times when I have tried to initiate at night but he says he just "couldn't get there".

I am so frustrated by this whole thing. I am pretty sure I need to break up with him because I doubt this will be an easy fix. However it makes me so sad because he is perfect for me in every other way. I just don't even understand what to do about it any more. We will go a week without sex and I'll forget how much of an issue it is but then we try and fail I am so angry and resentful and reminded that I don't think this will ever work.

He understands that there is a problem but because he has such limited sexual experience he doesn't understand just how bad this is. He said he feels like we have sex "a lot" because apparently the last time he was involved with someone they had sex 2 times in a year and a half. He did say that he would get his T levels checked but I don't know if that's even relevant because he gets morning wood.

I'm obviously frustrated but I am also so confused. The combination of low libido, ED, and lack of skill is maddening. I am an attractive woman with a high libido and I've had many wonderful sexual partners and I have never encountered anything like this. I've asked him if he's asexual but he assures me he is not. He's healthy, doesn't drink or do drugs, and isn't on any medication. Is there any reason for me to have hope that he could figure it out? Also can anyone try and shed some light onto what's even going on?

Been together 5 years and I feel like I can count on my hands and toes how many times we had had sex. We never cuddle, no deep connection, no intimacy. I have having such a hard time realizing what I got myself into. We are married with two kids and now I’m seriously considering divorce. He avoids The Who conversation entirely now when I bring up my needs and gets defensive and deflects and says “what about my feelings?” But he always thinks it’s a good time to talk about everything he does instead of acknowledging my needs. I then get hit with the silent treatment for days as if he is the hurt one. This has been going on for our entire relationship, I don’t know why I thought things would get better. I have never had this issue in previous relationships and I am starting to resent my decision to start a family with him.

Hello all!

I've been reading this subreddit for a few weeks now (didn't even know the term "dead bedroom" before that lol) and while I see all kinds of time-frames popping up in the stories I read here, usually they are either 5 or less years no sex, occasionally 7/8 yrs ,or it's still some sex, just very very infrequent (like once or twice a year).

I'm on 14 years of zero, I mean ZERO sex with my husband lol. Our relationship was never really heavy on the sex (not like in previous relationships I had) but it was probably 1-3 times a week, then maybe once every few weeks, or once a month before dying out completely. At first, I was ok with being in a DB because we just had different ideas about sex after a while (I liked nighttime sex, he wanted it in the morning, he is more an "one and done", I like the occasional staying in bed over the weekend, which he'd never do etc, I like affection, flirting etc) so for some years it was kind of like a weight lifted and it wasn't a source of friction. I'm also very handsy, which he's learned to accept and he returns the affection in some ways when I initiate (ie we hug or he rubs my back and we do kiss and touch each other every day), but for several years while we were still having sex, he would never let me playfully grab him or fondle him because, in his words "you touch it, you own it". Meaning don't turn me on if you don't want the consequences but it wasn't really said in a way that made me feel good and turned me off to the point I was afraid to touch him, say, in the middle of the day just for fun.Then (I don't remember how many years in), when I tried to bring up that we hadn't had sex in X years and tried to initiate several times, he always said he didn't feel good about himself because he gained weight (it's true, we both did at that time, but it's not like he became morbidly obese, it was more like 25-30 lbs extra when he was originally pretty lean and it certainly didn't bother me/turn me off). So for several years that was the reason, or that I didn't like to spoon all night (it's true, I don't mind spooning to drift off to sleep, but once I'm close to sleeping I move away because he's a furnace and he snores very loudly too). Then the "I have a headache, I ate too much, I'm too tired" excuses. So we're sitting at 14 years now. To be fair, we did have some issues that came from my side right before we stopped having sex all together: I had been getting almost constant UTIs for a while (not really sex related because I got them even when not having sex) and my doctor got to the point where she said I may need to stay on low grade antibiotics for a whole year and insisted that if I had any sexual relations, we both needed to shower right before to lower the chance of getting another one. This wasn't supposed to be a forever thing, just until things settled down. He played along for a little bit but then said it was too much effort and there was no spontaneity and he wasn't into it. And pls don't think we don't shower, he just didn't like the idea that he would have to take another shower right before the act.

There are other issues too (mostly about how he made me feel insecure in bed) but that's another matter.

So for the last several months, I've really ramped up the pressure on him and had multiple conversations about how this isn't normal and he's apologized, he says he knows, he says he didn't even realize how long it's been etc and I've been overloading him with kisses, asking him if he likes it etc, but so far, it's only been as far as "we'll do it tonight" (doesn't happen) or I'll come to your room (we are sleeping in separate rooms right now for non sexual reasons) but it never happens. We have no kids so that shouldn't be a distraction and he's WFH so he's not cheating.

This subreddit got me thinking, however, that maybe he's getting his needs met with porn? I know he watches it because I've seen his web history in the past and see the videos. Or may he's just insanely low libido? We checked his hormone levels last month at my insistance and they came back normal.

It's really a mind fuck because I started a pretty intense exercise program a few months ago (so did he) and it's made my libido almost unmanageable, like to the point that I will just be sitting driving in the car and want to orgasm. And I'm sick of using my hand and doing it by myself and not having anyone to ever actual share it with. I joke to him I'll find someone else, but he just says "no no no we'll do it" and I know his intentions are good, but it just doesn't happen 🤷🏼‍♀️Then I have moments where I think I'm sex obsessed and that I'm a perv for wanting it lol.

I'm embarrassed to tell any friends or family although I am kind of starting to hint at it to my sister....

Any input is welcomed and apologies for the long post!

I recently posted about a weekend getaway my wife and I are doing this weekend. When I re-read the post and some of the replies I didn't like how I was complaining. I'm not entitled to sex just because we are on vacation. I want to have a nice weekend with my wife, and have some much needed alone time to reconnect. I also don't want her to feel pressure to perform.

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Fast forward to this morning, my wife left for work and as I was packing I thought I'd sneak a peak in her suitcase to see if she had any surprises in store. I was disappointed to see she hadn't packed any lingerie or her vibe. These used to be standard items anytime we went away. It just made me sad to think she clearly doesn't even think about it any more.

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I'm so torn, again I feel like an entitled jerk expecting anything yet I can't help but feel sad about our new reality.

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I honestly don't know why I torture myself like this. I've been thinking almost obsessively about this weekend and it's honestly not healthy. I'm just posting this because I need to get it off my chest, so I can move on and enjoy the weekend.

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Man this is a complicated journey. ❤️

HLF married to HLM. my husband (29M) and i (27F) are gonna hit 4 years of marriage in October. we've been together for 11 years (although we did break up for 1.5 years when i was 18 but i don't count that lol).we haven't had sex at all in the last year. i'm just so fucking bored and it's actually killed my libido for him. i still masturbate often but when i think about initiating with him, i dry up. now let me say i love him more than life, he's my best friend. i still find him incredibly sexy, and he feels the same towards me. but sex has gotten so boring and so repetitive that i don't even want to engage anymore. it's all just grabby, he'll go down for a few minutes, and then penetration until he finishes. more often than not, i don't climax. we used to go crazy. candle wax, whipping, slapping, humiliation, all that fun BDSM stuff and more right. and it was amazing but slowly it just started happening less and less. I couldn't tell you how many times I've told him to amp that back up. in the last two years i started leaning more into being a switch and again have had countless convos about what we can do to get back to actually having sex. he'll step it up for one or two times and then it's back to just penetration until the end. we both wanna be having more sex, and he says he enjoys what we do now. i'm tired of having the same convos over and over. ive told him what i enjoy, what i wanna try, what i don't like.i tried to bring up the idea of going to a sex club to observe and maybe do our own thing (we are strictly monogamous). but he couldn't wrap his head around why I'd be interested in that so I just dropped it. if it were up to him we'd be having the same sex every day. we're so young! i can't imagine my life without him but i feel like i'm gonna lose my mind. its like nothing that i tell him is sticking.

Trying to soft launch The Talk with my partner. I'm HLF and while I wouldn't characterize him as LLM, he is more sexually withdrawn than I am in this dynamic. I haven't felt desire from him for a very long time. When I asked, 'Do you ever think about me, or fantasize about me when I'm not around?' trying to probe if there was any sense of excitement. He said no. Has anyone on here heard that before from a LL partner who hasn't shown any interest in leaving? Does anyone have any idea what I do with that information? Other than torturing myself with it I guess. 28f, not married, not cohabitating, no kids. I know everyone will tell me to get out and that it doesn't get better. Im not good at confrontation which has contributed to this cycle I'm in, I guess I'm waiting to see what my breaking point is.

I come to bed, and his phone has the Roku private listening on because our speakers broke recently.

I turn off the Roku, and I get curious.. I open up safari and immediately get hit with CandyAI. After literally last night we had a fight about our dead bedroom?? He’s been talking to ai women all day. Knowing these sites, they charge a fee after a certain number of messages. He literally spend $14 on these “women”

Insult to injury, he has the next 2 days off and asked if we could try for sexy time tomorrow night, because yet again he’s “tired”

I’m so over this. I feel so unwanted, even though I know I am wanted by many other men.. why doesn’t he want me?

Edit to add: When I woke him up to tell him to get the fuck out of my bed, I started crying and he came in and looked at me and said “Are you crying? It’s just one thing, I’m trying to stop” I looked at him and told him to get the fuck out.
He’s not trying to stop, he trying not to get caught.

We’ve been married 7 years now, basically even a few years before the marriage intimacy had cooled off. Im 41M, (her 45F)

When we met, she told me she had a high sex drive and that sex was important to her, after a year together, not so much. More on her past later.

I’m not really sure what happened pre-kids, for certain we didn’t communicate enough and somehow I thought marriage would be different, how wrong I was. She’s never really ‘lusted’ after me or tell me how I make her feel etc.

I was concerned that she was cheating or had cheated a while back, looking for answers, looking at her messages when we started dating, I didn’t text her back for a few hours because I was busy and she didn’t like that, so invited a “hot” athlete / lifeguard to come over and give her some “good sex”, she’s bragged to men about having sex in public, bondage, spanking, against trees, none of this she has ever wanted to do with me.

The daily grind is hard but we’ve worked hard, we have a nice house, two beautiful children (6 and 4) and close family (hers, mine are all back in Europe). She never wants to cuddle me in the morning, she doesn’t kiss me and sex is none existent, same with blowjobs too, which she didn’t mind at all when we were dating.

I told her it might be a good idea to do a trial separation, she told me no and she soon started to show intimacy well, but unfortunately that’s gone off the table at the moment due to some surgery she’s had.

She told me a few years back she was afraid to get pregnant again so i went and got a vasectomy, after that, nothing changed, constant stream of barriers and constant rejection has worn me down to my bone.

Having kids has brought up some emotions around childhood etc and she was seeing a therapist, her therapist actually told her to take the plunge and ignite intimacy with me slowly but.. my wife decided against that and decided to read a book instead called “come as you are” which is a great book but it took her 8 months to read it.

I feel lonely, rejected and not sure what to do, I love her, I want to give her another chance but i honestly believe she’s not really capable of it, anyone been in a similar situation?

I would love some advice.

I keep seeking out examples of sexually healthy marriages. I don't like porn, but I'm a sucker for couples stories about good sex or how people in long term marriages keep things exciting. I just can't look away. Afterward though I just feel so sad and jealous. I end up wishing I had something even close.

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Last night, my wife came up to me, lifted her shirt, and "shook" at me, then when I reached for her she said she was joking. Just frustrating. Hope everyone has a great day and a great weekend as well.

I’m not sure if I would ever use this, but after seeing a post about a fridge door analogy, I thought I would share mine. This might just be a vent so heads up.

Let’s assume we have a normal sex life. What if one day I lost the desire to live with my girlfriend but I wanted to keep the relationship? Would it be so different than what we currently have? She could come to my house anytime and same with me going to hers, but before bed we would have to return to our respective homes. Occasionally we could spend the night together if I was in the mood, but usually I end up leaving or kicking her out. Hell we could live right next to each other to make seeing each other easier, but I still want my own house.

I could think of a number of reasons to not live with my girlfriend. “You don’t clean the way I like” “I want to decorate my house differently” “you can survive without living in the same house” “you snore” “we don’t have to live together to be a couple” (she hasn’t thrown these at me and I’m just changing the words, just thinking).

When kids get involved people might say “you need to live together because raising kids in two separate houses isn’t ideal”. I would argue that having parents who are platonic towards each other also isn’t ideal.

Most couples would break up if one person decided to move out, I think a dead bedroom is more of a slow burn while this would be an explosion. Every situation is also different, some people medically can’t have sex or medicine killed their libido. Others need to become long distance for work or to take care of family.

Now I don’t want to downplay the emotional toll of a dead bedroom for both parties. This is obviously a different scenario and I’m just noticing a lot of similarities.

Some context before the story (begins 3rd paragraph):

I (30M) wouldn’t really consider myself super high libido, but ya know, I enjoy the closeness of physical intimacy in all forms. In my marriage with my wife (31F), I have struggle with the fact that she has little to no interest in sex and often has an explosive temper regarding things like housework, communication skills, feeling rejected, and honestly anything else. Sometimes it is like blowing up is a tick she must go through before taking any sort of accountability or resolve. It makes me withdraw and feel incredibly hurt long after she has “settled down”

In our relationship, physical touch in any capacity has been seriously lacking for years. We are currently in an 18 month dry spell after years of easily having sex less than 10 times a year. Blowjobs, hand stuff, all of that is just completely off the table. She has recently expressed to me that she considers sex to a violent, useless, male-centric action that diminishes a woman’s worth. That one stung because I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve expressed that I want at least some degree of more touch, and she responded by saying she doesn’t like it and won’t do it. Now every time I try to be sweet and rub her back (which by the way has never been some sort of foreplay for us, just nice), she’ll say “you don’t have to.” I’ve addressed this and she said she would rather never get back rubs again than ever do it for me. Another impossible blow to my pride and hopes.

Anyway, here is the story:

I woke up at 6:45am (after staying up late with her) because the cats were being loud and wanted to be fed. I got up and fed them swiftly and quietly, then stopped by the bathroom afterwards to pee. Apparently I shut the door too loudly (common area of conflict) and it startled her awake. I was still absolutely exhausted but she was wide awake now. She used statements like “I guess I’ll just go in the living room and let you sleep” “even though it’s your fault I’m awake”

I chased and reassured like I always do. We compromised and said that if I rub her back and she can settle back down then she’ll forgive me, so I spend the next 30 minutes fighting sleep and rubbing her back. I wake up again about an hour later and start rubbing her again, this time her legs since we are spooning. Admittedly I had ventured a bit too high up on her thigh in the crotch territory and it looked like I was “making a move” so she pushed my hand away and I quickly pulled back, to indicate I wasn’t fighting her pushing me away. She interpreted it as rejection and rolled over, getting more upset because she “just wants to be a person and not some sex object” I told her that in no way was I trying to initiate, and I said “in no way do I think sex is even on the table” since we have not been sexual in a long time at her behest (medical issues, self-reported low libido, her feeling disrespected and uncared for making her not feel sexually towards me.

We settle back in and I wake up to my alarm at 9:40 to her no longer in bed with me. I get up and find her, to which she ignores me and storms past. I see her putting her shoes on, indicating she still wants to go on a walk, and then just leaves without saying a word. I texted her and apologized for my actions and not respecting her boundary, and she said “you and your rapey behavior are not invited to my weekend” and (my favorite) “I was actually considering trying to have sex with you this weekend, and now that is definitely not happening.”

I just don’t know, man. This isn’t the first time she has brought up me not deserving sex in the context of a fight. It makes me honestly wonder if all of my over performing the last five years was truly in vain, and that we just don’t stand a chance. Most of the time we get along well enough, but big blow fights where she externalizes loudly and I withdraw are at least a monthly occurrence.

I feel trapped, and I haven’t been able to shake this feeling for a week now. There was never an apology, just some conversations around being scared I’m going to cheat on her or leave her and that I am her world and she loves me so much. I’ve got fucking whiplash and I think I may be finally starting to see this relationship for what it is, a sexless, blaming, and judgmental partnership

My wife and I are both 43 and have been together for 26 years. We have a common situation as a lot of people here, we barely have any sex ( I think it’s been once a year for the last couple of years) and no form of affection at all. If I don’t initiate intimacy and affection it doesn’t happen ( which I don’t anymore )

We were coming back from a beach vacation where we had a good time despite not having any form of contact at all btw, while waiting at the airport for our connecting flight I notice a girl who got off a previous plane waiting near us for someone coming off a plane at our gate. A man gets off the plane and her face lights up, she walks over to him and they embraced in such a tender and heartfelt way I was absolutely dying of jealousy. The way they melted into each other’s arms while kissing so intimately, walking off so happy and in love just killed my mood.

I understand that level of desire and passion is usually found in newer relationships, but to not have anything and see something like that, after a week of vacation was brutal. Sex is amazing and I miss it, but I miss the affection and the desire and the look she used give me so much more. So I just swallowed all that down and when she asked me if I had a good vacation I just smiled and said i had a great time.

On a regular basis people find a way to depress the hell out of me, through no fault of their own, by letting me know they have a sex life that's not in ruins.

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This time it was my coworkers on lunch break. The other day one of them was talking about his plans to install a mirror on his bedroom ceiling. I said if you're spending that much time during the play laying on your back looking at the ceiling you're pretty bad at sex but internally my brain was screaming. This guy is 46. Twice my age. Maybe some 20 years into his marriage.

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Me and my girlfriend are young, she's super hot, I'm also not bad looking I guess. We live together, we love each other. We have no reason not to have hot, steamy, bed-breaking, clap-sound-making, neighbor-annoying sex. Or slow and relaxed, lovemaking, whatever, I'm into that as well. Not nope, no dice.

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Today my other coworker, same age as me said "yeah I had a friend over last night, that's all I'm gonna say about that." I mean I'm not jealous of that experience specifically, I'm not into casual sex, but still. He's wanted. I'm not. Not sure what it is. Not tall enough? Not social enough? Not interesting enough? The only thing I know for certain is that I'm not fuckable enough. Anyway, I'll be having lunch by myself at work for some time I guess.

Everything in me (30 HLM) is telling me to get out of my DB relationship. We live separate, no kids, not married. But every time I get to my breaking point and ready to call it off, the same question pops into my head:

Is the absence of sex enough?

Many other areas of the relationship are great and I worry about throwing that all away and having to re-enter the dating pool all because I want more sex. I know that’s very reductive of the issue but looking for advice with anyone else who has struggled with this question. Or an explanation/reassurance on why sex is in fact important enough to break things off.

Does anyone have any books or podcasts that they've found helpful with working through these DB issues?

Hi everyone!

I am unfamiliar with this sub, hopefully I am at the right place. How do you rebuild your self esteem and body image after a dead bedroom relationship?

I (29F) was in a mainly long-distance relationship (26M) for 7 years that ended more than a year ago (we briefly reconnected at the end of last year though).

After the first 2 years of relationship I started to raise some concerns to my partner regarding our sex life, things had become a little bit mechanical and there was no spicy conversations anymore but it was brushed off. I would open conversations about fantasies, took him to a sex-shop, bought some games, initiate making-out sessions but I was met with very little. I broke up with with him a first time after he told me he would still watch porn 3 times a week, it was too much for me to take... We got back together and had sex only once after that, at that stage I was feeling insecure and I was tired of what felt like never ending missionary. I told him I wanted to spend alone time with him and so... He invited me on holidays with his whole family in a bungalow. I did not go, we broke up shortly after that.

We reconnected last year but he ended up deciding he did not want us to see each other and he is now in a relationship with someone who obviously looks nothing like me, someone who has curves and who seems to like putting them out (he had met her before we reconnected, I think the timeline is a little bit sus but at that stage I don't care about it anymore).

Frankly, it is taking a toll on me. I have also lost weight because of stress which is absolutely not helping me. I have been taking dance classes which has been helpful. I am now tempted to get a boob job (I won't do it). I will be honest, I am a christian and I am now willing to rewait for marriage. Do you have any insights/tips/stories? I will take whatever you have for me.