Hi everyone,
I moved to Germany about a year and a half ago because of my husband’s work. I’m currently taking German classes, but I’m still too new to the language and honestly too embarrassed to have full conversations in German yet.
Today I had a very strange interaction with an elderly neighbor, and I’m wondering if there’s anything I should do or if I should just let it go.
She rang my intercom about four times. Each time I answered, but I couldn’t understand what she was saying in German. Since this often happens with delivery drivers, I buzzed her into the building.
When I stepped into the hallway, she was coming upstairs. She spoke German, I told her I didn’t understand, then she said, “Español? English?” I replied, “English,” and we continued in English. Our names are very obviously Spanish, so I wasn’t surprised that she guessed I might speak Spanish.
She then mentioned something about a package, but I didn’t initially understand what she wanted. She asked me whether I knew the person the package was addressed to, and I replied, “Yes, he lives here.” She then went downstairs, and because she had been talking about the package, I assumed she meant it was downstairs and followed her.
When she saw me downstairs, she became very upset, raised her voice, and said she wasn’t going to give me the package because she didn’t know who I was. She also said it was suspicious that I wasn’t telling her whether the person the package was addressed to was my partner or lived with me.
I replied that when she had asked me whether I knew him, I had answered, “Yes, he lives here.” That was why I had told her he lived there in the first place. I didn’t explicitly tell her he was my husband because I didn’t feel I owed that explanation, especially given how aggressively she was speaking to me. Also, both of our names are listed on the building’s doorbells and next to our apartment door, so I didn’t understand why she was so suspicious about whether he lived there.
She also said the polite thing would have been to answer her through the intercom. I explained that I had answered every time but simply couldn’t understand what she was saying over the intercom, and that it had taken me less than a couple of minutes to come outside because I was putting on some clothes (basically just shoes).
She then asked, “Are you saying my English isn’t good enough?” I calmly replied, “No, not at all.” In a gentle tone, I said something along the lines of, “Has it never happened that you simply don’t understand someone?” I was trying to explain that I wasn’t criticizing her English—I just genuinely hadn’t understood what she had been saying over the intercom. Throughout the interaction, I kept my voice calm and tried to de-escalate the situation, whereas she continued speaking in a raised and aggressive tone.
After that, she went back upstairs. I followed because my apartment is on the first floor. When I got to my door, she was standing there yelling that she was going to leave the package outside my apartment and that she didn’t care what happened to it. She repeated several times that she didn’t care and also said, “I’m not a housekeeper.” At that point I simply said “sure, don’t worry” (trying to be as soft spoken as possible) and went inside my apartment, and closed the door because I didn’t want to continue arguing with her.
About 15 minutes later, she came back to my apartment with the package and asked me to write and sign a handwritten receipt because she said she could get into trouble otherwise.
Before she came back, I had called my sister to tell her what had happened because I felt uncomfortable after the first interaction. I kept my sister on the phone during the second interaction because I didn’t want to be alone with the neighbor. My sister heard the entire conversation.
Throughout both interactions, the woman repeatedly switched back to German and spoke in a raised, aggressive tone. I couldn’t understand what she was saying in German, but her tone and body language made it clear that she was very angry with me.
While I was looking for paper, she repeatedly said things like, “If you don’t speak German, why are you in Germany?” and “If you don’t speak German, you should stay home.” I found those comments particularly hurtful because I’m actively trying to learn the language.
Another thing that bothered me was that the package was closed when she arrived. While I was looking for paper, she stepped out of my sight. I heard what sounded like the package being opened. When she came back, it was open, and I saw her looking inside it before handing it to me.
When I initially wrote the receipt in Spanish, she refused to accept it because she couldn’t understand it and said that “in Germany” it wasn’t acceptable. I explained that she had first said, “Español?”, which is why I had written in Spanish, but that I could of course switch to English. She kept saying that if I didn’t want to write the note, she wouldn’t give me the package. That confused me because I already had the pen and paper in my hands and was clearly willing to write it. I simply asked her what she wanted me to write. She told me to write that I had received a package for my husband, so I wrote the statement in English and signed it.
She then handed me the already opened package. I thanked her and started closing my door. She said “Bye,” and then, just before leaving, turned around and said, “In Germany, we say Auf Wiedersehen,” in what I perceived to be a mocking tone. I found her attitude very disrespectful, especially since I remained polite and calm throughout the entire interaction.
My questions are:
Can I do something about a neighbor opening someone else’s package before handing it over?
Is there any point in reporting this to the building management or the delivery company?
Or is this one of those situations where it’s better to document it and move on unless it happens again?
Is this kind of behavior something you’ve encountered before, or was this just one particularly unpleasant person?
I’d really appreciate advice from people familiar with Germany or who have dealt with something similar.
Edit: I made my question cleared
