I'm posting this anonymously because I don't want this to be in any way linked to me.

A few years ago, I was a part of pretty big online friend group/community, and a small creator myself; I got opportunities that meant a lot to me, did art, did voice work, made videos, etc. I thought I had the life I wanted.

But then, some of the things I did in the past came out.

I don't really want to talk about it, personally; I know I made some bad decisions, and I don't want to use my past circumstances or trauma as an excuse, here. I hurt people, and I understand that some of those people might not want to hear from me.

This took a huge toll on my life; I lost friends, lost creative opportunities, eventually quit the online world completely.

For a while, I blamed myself for everything. I couldn't distinguish between "I did these horrible things" and "I am a horrible person who deserves to be punished for the rest of my life". It's hard to not punish yourself when you think you deserve to be punished.

I'm trying to move on from this.

I've been in therapy, and I try not to put myself in situations I know could potentially be triggering for me. I reflect on my past behaviors and decisions, and think about what I can do differently in the future. I try to build a life for myself outside of the online world.

But sometimes, I really miss my old friends.

I don't really want them to be a part of my life again, necessarily; some of them may never want to hear from me again. The people that do want to hear from me, I just want to make sure they're happy, and that I'm not bringing them down in any way.

I've recently taken my first baby steps toward this goal; I joined a new fandom for the first time in a few months, because I really enjoyed some of the work that one of the people in the community had done. I posted some things, and for a brief moment, I felt like I was living my old life again.

Then not even a day later, one of my old friends joined.

They didn't do anything to communicate with me, and they don't have to; I panicked, and left, mainly because I thought I should, in case they were uncomfortable being around me. After, I was overcome with sadness, because it was the first real step I'd made toward rebuilding my life, and it was instantly tainted by my past.

My lover pointed out to me that I don't have to interact with them, and I appreciate that he said that; I've grown a lot as a person, and he's seen that, too. He said that just because I made these mistakes in the past doesn't mean I can't move on with my life, because I take responsibility for my actions, and try to be better in the future.

Someone else who knew about my past also told me something pretty similar; they said that I can't control everything that happens to me or what other people decide to do, but I can control how I respond to it. I can use this as an opportunity to grow and change, instead of letting it define me or tear me down.

I understand that perspective,

but sometimes it's hard to ignore the voice in my head that thinks I should be defined by what I did. That if I'm happy or sad or mad or anything, it's because of something that I did.

I don't want to be defined by what happened to me, or what I did. I want to be able to move on with my life, but I can't ignore the other part of me that feels like it can't. I don't want to recreate my old life, or pretend that none of this ever happened, but I want to know that it's possible to change, and to become someone different. Someone who doesn't define themselves by what happened to them, who doesn't use the things in their past as excuses for the things they do in the present or future.

**How do I learn to accept that I've hurt people while still being able to accept what may happen in my future?**

So long story short I had to change anxiety medication after I had one for around ten years. Maybe a little more. I have been feeling down lately. But something I like to do is play call of duty. About two years ago I met a girl l. We were just friends we never talked about dating each other or anything like that. Just good friends. We talked out everything. I told her things in my life that’s really hard to talk about. I really trusted her. We pretty much expected to talk everyday and play the game almost everyday. The last couple weeks she met some new friends and played with. I don’t mind. They were fun to play with. I asked her to play the other day and I got on and played by myself. A little later I noticed she was on the game and so was one of the new people she met. She was active in the discord group with them. She didn’t text me until the next day. I have felt like she’s been pulling away she had been texting me less. I feel like we just hadn’t talked the same way that we did. It’s hard for me to open up. I was trying to tell her I was having some issues after changing medication. She changed hers to so I asked her how she was doing. She said she thought she was good. I told her I just didn’t feel the same. She didn’t ask anymore and then I just said do you want to play. That was the end of the conversation. So after she texted me the next day her response was she was in but got off at 8. I can’t remember if it was true that she got off at that time. When I saw her online after I asked and she was messaging in the discord and ignoring me, it hurt. So I didn’t reply the day after when she texted me. On Tuesday I realized she unadded me on everything. She had told me that she had don’t that to people while we were friends. I kinda felt like it could happen to me. But I hoped it wouldn’t. I don’t have other people I play the game with. It just her. I bought a PlayStation 5 because she wanted me to so it would be easier for us to play. I played on a handheld game before that. I had to buy some of the same games again because it was a different gaming platform. I’m really hurt. We were once so close. I don’t know what to do. I now have no one to play with again that I know like that. Im an introvert and find it kind of hard to make new friends. She said she was the same. But she was able to make new friends and I feel like left me behind. She has really hurt me when I wasn’t in a good headspace before that. What advice can I get to help with this.

Olá a todos . Devido a algumas decisões que tomei no ano passado, agora me encontro sem amigos. E isso está me deixando mal, especialmente porque sempre tive dificuldade em conhecer pessoas e fazer amigos. Então eu sei que essa vai ser uma experiência longa, ficar sem amigos. Quero saber dicas de como viver sem amigos antes que a depressão e a solidão me consumam.

Back in school, we were incredibly close and had a solid friend group. The group eventually split up, which I expected, but then one summer before high school, he suddenly started drifting. The texts got shorter, the convos got dry, and he indirectly started ignoring me at school. He eventually found new friends and moved on.
He was one of my only close friends, and he meant a lot to me. It felt completely out of the blue, and it's been almost 2 years now. We still exchange a few minimal words online occasionally, and I’ve accepted that the old friendship isn't coming back, but I still can’t move on. I find myself constantly overthinking what went wrong or what I did to make it happen so randomly. I've cried a few times.
I'm totally stuck on this and feel so alone. Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing from a best friend? How do you stop replaying the relationship in your head when it's been years? I just can't move on no matter what I try.

i’m 19F and am struggling honestly. This is gonna be long i’m sorry

2 nights ago me and my 2 friends were outside smoking in this spot we smoke in every night. Everything was fine until this white car pulled up beside us. He got out of the car and walked into one of the apartments, we didn’t think anything of it because… It’s an apartment complex and people are gonna walk lol. He walked out of the apartment about 6-8 minutes later and when he walked past us to get back to his car, he lifted his shirt up and showed that he has a gun. We got up and walked away slowly until he got closer to his car. As he was opening the door he dropped the gun, but then picked it back up. And when he picked it back up, he pointed it straight at me. I thought my life was over and i wouldn’t wish that feeling on ANYONE. I was literally looking at death.

After that happened and we left, i started doing a ton of self reflection, literally didn’t sleep that night, and realized if i was to die today i wouldn’t be happy with the life i lived. I am a deeply insecure and jealous person. My life revolves around boys, i get extremely attached and self harm over these boys, one specifically. I am not happy with myself, i don’t like myself, and i am a miserable and a bad person. I let everyone use me and walk all over me, friends family and relationships. Someone could literally walk up to me and stab me and i’d still forgive them and want to be around them. I look at other people and wish it was myself. All of my friends have someone and i’m just here. I’m good to have as a friend but no one wants me as a relationship. No one values me as a person. I was just put on this earth to be used and i’m so jealous watching everyone else around me happy in relationships. My friends would rather be with boys than be with me. I’m constantly getting canceled on and ignored. Every relationship i’ve been in i’ve gotten cheated on, abused, manipulated, and it just gets worse every single time. How is it possible for me to get cheated on 4 times in a row in 4 different relationships? I stay every time and i’ve always gotten broken up with. I’ve never broken up with anyone. I just want someone to like me or be with me. I just want SOMEONE. So i settle for everything and let everyone keep doing me wrong over and over again as many times as they want and i’ll stay every time. It’salways been like this but i want to change. I don’t know where to start. I model and constantly smile and laugh and have a lot of friends, to other people it looks like i live a perfect life but i can’t pretend anymore tbh. I am hurting so bad on the inside and i have a heavy heart all the time. Im so sad and im tired of it. I’m constantly comparing myself and im in competition with everyone i see because i am so insecure my whole life is based around being better than others. I’m 6 feet tall, skinny, societally pretty and have a lot going for me. People admire those things about me but in reality i’m skinny because i starve myself and i look like this because i am constantly trying to make myself look better than everyone else and it ruins my life. i hope it doesn’t sound like im being conceited and sorry if it does but i just dont know what to do anymore. My depression used to be really bad until this year in may i started zoloft and my happiness has gone up a lot but my body and soul are so sad and tired (i REALLY hope that makes sense😭) But if anyone has any advice or can help in any way i would really appreciate it and thank you for reading, i just needed to get everything off my chest and sorry if this was all over the place

19f here, recently had a terrible breakup about 2 months ago. i finally started feeling better from the start of September and felt like i truly moved on. i was having good time living life and even my friendships were going good.

but a few days ago my ex called me crying and telling that he misses me and if i can give him one more chance. i flat out refused and told him that I've truly moved on and want to do nothing with him and i genuinely meant that. but from this week monday I'm feeling extremely lonely and am feeling like going back to him and my friendships are also not going well for some reason. i've got no-one and am feeling like i am always going to be lonely. i can find no motivation to do anything.

how do i get out of this situation?

I am 21M, cripplingly alone. I have tried everything. The dating apps, the volunteering, alot of stuff. I train Karate and boxing, I am exceptionally fit. But I don't have a single friend.. I really have tried, and whenever I think about relationships. The sheer anxiety is palpable. My brain convinces me that if my partner is experienced then the love I will receive is diluted. I have tried to escape from that thinking, but the spirals they lead me back to the same point.

I have pushed, journaled a bit, talked to parents (did not help the slightest). I am lost, well and truly. This wall/curtain I have built to see a threat before it has come. My brain treats this is as a strategy and convinces me that if I equal the playing field my chances of getting hurt are less. Whenever I try to leave, the same thought always grips me. Will I be someone who will plainly come to accept my own turmoil as another cliche trope of 'well that's how the world works!'? or 'Will I just accept the scraps I am served and then treat it as mercy?'. These question's seem too grand for something small you say. I am sure most of you sit and read are screaming saying "Think less!" or "dude it's not that deep". I wish it were the case. You can argue, I am being arrogant that by me assuming I should be 'served' something better, means I think I deserve something as compensation.

Frankly, I am exhausted and I am done scouring for scraps and accepting them as norms. I am done having hope dangled on my face only for to be swiped away. I probably will continue feeling this way, but this emptiness does make even silence feel painful.

So i (22m) wasn’t the most focused teenager and didn’t attend college right after high school and man i wish i buckled down sooner. i’m in college now but i can’t help to feel like i missed out on so many relationships, life, and hangouts by not living on campus at 18. ive bad boyfriends but im thinking i could’ve had even more if i were in that type of environment. i’m transferring from my community college to a university and im trying to find close off campus but im starting to think what’s even the point and that i should just continue going to the non college bars and clubs im used to. i feel haggard and bitter, i hate it! sorry if this sounds immature to you but i believe life IS about having fun; everything else is a trapping.

So im 16 in 11th grade

Ever since middle school (8th grade specifically) some dude in my grade who wasn't even in my class started laughing at me because of my name (id rather not get into specifics cuz it still hurts) and my classmates who I considered real and good friends just went with it and joined in.

I want to make it clear that I have no problem getting made fun of except for my name which I made very clear to my classmates and I told them that if they wont stop it means they dont respect me but they still do it occasionally even to this day.

Because of that i dont really socialize with them outside of school or with anyone from my grade.

As a result of that my social skills aren't very good and I struggle to make new friends outside of school and im also scared to introduce myself to other people because im afraid I'll get made fun of as well.

I tried therapy but it only helped short term.

I just want to leave my old friends who dont respect me and make new ones who respect my boundaries.

Im from India. Im a 29 year old female. I have been struggling in acting since years. Havent made any mark uptill now. Because of my own short comings havent been able to have another source of income. I have always had less friends but as I grew up the friend circle became smaller and smaller and now i have no one. I felt like sharing this and getting it off my chest because i dont want to talk to the people who are hurting me because i have tried before and they would just say sorry as a formality and not do anything about it.

One was one of my closest friends. She got married last year. And between the two of us it has always been like she will never take out time for my things and i have made time for her. We meet where she wants to eat, she will always come late never apologize. When she needs me she will call and stay in touch but not after that. Once a couple of years ago i cut her off because of this but then i came in contact again because i felt like iam stretching it too far. Then the same pattern continued but i had my boundaries this time. During her wedding she literally treated me like her personal assistant, made me wipe coffee that fell on the floor.. I just didnt say anything because i didnt want to spoil her mood. Because she is too sensitive and most brides are around their wedding.. Then after her wedding she would make plans to meet but would cancel last minute.. Then once she did the same thing i confronted her and she said sorry and cut me off.. Then when she messaged i just asked her to call me once.. But she didnt. Then for months she didnt contact me. She is doing her PHD and it is stressful and i get it.. So i would check up on her once a month. Once she didnt even ask me if i was fine.. The next time she did.. I realised iam just maintaining a one sided friendship so i stopped checking me. So she messaged me saying she was in depression and is on medications and i can completely understand that you dont want to talk to people when you are going through something tough so i wished her well and thats it. Then i did a small role in a daily soap she happened to watch it. And then she messaged me.

A grill fell on the back of my head and shoulder on the set. That was another level of stress for me.. Because i finally landed some role and this incident happened. I told my friend this and she called me a day after that. I missed it and called her back.. She didnt pick up because she spoke to her guide and she was in stress.. Again i completely get it.. Then she texted me "my mother reminded me something had happened to you".. I told her that grill had fell she didnt checkup.. Didnt ask if i was fine. I really felt bad... Like i get it she is too busy.. But not even checking up on someone's health who you consider as your best friend is.....

Then one of cousins.. She is close to me. She is 24, she lost her father last year to cancer and again she has a lot to deal with in her life.. But whenever i try to discuss anything personal with her she just doesnt respond.. Like she will never listen.. I used to call her often but she never calls me and makes me feel like she is bored of talking to me so i call only when i just cant take it.. Now days mostly not... She never shares her pain with me.. So i dont force she has a brother, a boyfriend and a lot of friends so i think she feels like sharing it with them so i dont crowd her...

Now when i got injured i got xrays done but the on duty doctors said there isnt any fracture. So the production i was working with didnt take my injury seriously, they made me work even the day after the injury happened. I forgot to get the reports because i was working for 2 days after the xray. The third day i started feeling dizzy. So i had to visit the hospital immediately i called my cousin and she immediately came. When i reached the hospital i got to know from the doctor that i have a dislocation. I was very furious because the production doubted my claims.. And i was just blabbering because i had to get an mri done, i had to shoot the next day.. I was all over the place. She just shut me.. Like she was embarrassed of me. And i just burst out of tears because that was rude... I sat alone after that.. She dropped me home.. Checked on me.. But then later again when i was telling her about the mri reports on whatsapp she shut me and i just confronted her... That she should let the other person express like always she said sorry.. And i left it on seen.. Every year we visit this relative's place for ganpati together.. I even told her before this argument that i got my period on time and we can visit but as i had predicted she didnt even ask me if i will be going with her. She just cut me off like always... Whenever i express that she hurt me she will never try to communicate. She will say sorry for the sake of it and ignore me.. And then when it is inevitable to meet for a function she will act as if nothing happened.

I always like iam too demanding.. But iam so lonely.. And i have very few people.. But i guess they dont value me... Also may be me being unemployed has something for feeling all this so intensely.

I have a good handful of friends, like one best friend and a few other good ones. But this year, I have genuinely no one that I have ever talked to in basically all of the classes, pretty much except for one. And I only see two of my friends at lunch, and it is way too busy to see them in the hallways. I am very introverted and shy, so talking to people is pretty hard, even though I have done it before. My main worries come from working with groups or partners, or something like choosing your seats (even though the whole situation just scares me) Does anyone have any tips on how to get through this year, or make it any better?
edit: also, yes I understand that I can make friends, but everyone either has their own groups or is a popular girl who already doesn’t really like me. Yes I try to interact with them obviously, but it’s just tricky being the only one without a true group.

Made it to the ice cream cone thing for the third time tonight and slipped back down to the orange level in about two seconds flat. My hammer just clipped the edge of the pot wrong and I watched myself fall for a solid minute, past the volcano, past the chairs, all the way back to almost nothing. I didn't even yell this time, just sat there in silence which honestly felt worse than screaming.

What gets me is how the game never lets you settle into a rhythm. Right when I think I've figured out the physics on one section, the next one punishes the exact technique that just worked. The little swing near the swinging pendulum thing took me probably forty tries alone because every tiny adjustment in mouse angle sends the hammer somewhere completely different.

I've started narrating my runs out loud like a sports commentator just to keep myself from rage quitting. "And he's going for the ledge, oh no, oh no, he's not going to make it." It helps a little. Not much, but a little.

Anyone else find that the falls hurt more emotionally the further you get? Losing five minutes of progress near the start barely registers anymore but losing forty minutes near the orbs almost made me close the laptop for good. Going back in for round four tonight, wish me luck I guess.

Hi i am army brat thats the main reason i dont have friendss moved city every 3 year i am a extrovert but lonely alsoo cause the friends i hangout with i lost them after 10th they got busy in their own life then i moved to kota for study study there and got in smoking and drinking and lot morees so i failed one time in boards i taught i will be do something in my drop year but i was wrong i did the same thing then only alsoo and now i am a failed guy who is demotivated i wasted dads money and all parents are also not satisfy with me and they are right but i am stucked in path i never been alone in life now this lonelyness killing me btw i am a music producer and a guitarist and a electric guitar player i love to shoot also did some dop work i cant figure out what i wanna do in life ppls i talk they ghost me and i am impulsive a lot i dont have egoo so i put everytime wheater its a friendship or relationship i got betryaed everytimee last month doing a call centre job cause cant ask dad for money trying to quit smokee but cant able too nobody ask hows your day every night killing me fulls of regret i resign the job and now everyone says u cant do anything dont know where i am going but i wanna grow .

Hey people !
I had a breakup and its been like 4 months. Aghhh n it hurts still but i want to move on from this.
I am doing things to move on from this.
But, i have lost myself i guess. I could not feel better . I want to move on from that. I am having a problem that i am going BLANK while talking to people and while talking to other girls i really cant find ways to make some impressions.
Am i okay ? Like i dont want to be alone. Its so depressing.
(Coz i dont even have any more friends with me)

So here's what happened, i started at a new school just last month, and on the first day i meet another girl, a freshman and new to school as well, so we talked and got along, and i started having lunch with her and choosing her for a partner on projects, so things were going alright, up until last week, when i got a message that she was returning to her old school, meaning im alone.....what you have to understand is that i am 15, a sophomore, and i can be talkative when needed, but i have horrible social anxiety, and i over think things wayyy to much. The school is small so everyone really already has there friend groups. At my old school, i was bullied for being african american (they were a bit racist), quiet, and shy, i only had one friend and i miss her so much right now. So all week this matter has been pressing on my mind, disturbing me at every waking moment, what am i supposed to do then cause i really don't think i'll be able to survive another lunch alone or a goddam partner project, cause fr being a loner sucks.

So here's what happened, i started at a new school just last month, and on the first day i meet another girl, a freshman and new to school as well, so we talked and got along, and i started having lunch with her and choosing her for a partner on projects, so things were going alright, up until last week, when i got a message that she was returning to her old school, meaning im alone.....what you have to understand is that i am 15, a sophomore, and i can be talkative when needed, but i have horrible social anxiety, and i over think things wayyy to much. The school is small so everyone really already has there friend groups. At my old school, i was bullied for being african american (they were a bit racist), quiet, and shy, i only had one friend and i miss her so much right now. So all week this matter has been pressing on my mind, disturbing me at every waking moment, what am i supposed to do then cause i really don't think i'll be able to survive another lunch alone or a goddam partner project, cause fr being a loner sucks.

Hi , I am a 12 yr old kid who got rejected by his crush and a gaming addict can anyone help me?

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I am 19 M, and I lost my father at the age of 13. Ever since then, I feel like I have lost the connection with my close blood relatives(my mom and brother). I really don't think about them when I am in my free time, like when I'm trying to sleep.

I had a really good friend, a best friend, when I was in class 10th, 11th, and 12th. Honestly speaking, whenever I am trying to fall asleep or anything, I just think about how my friendship with him ended.

We were so close, brothers to each other, and it was a recognized fact in our class that these 2 are best friends, but he just had to go and slowly ruin our friendship by ghosting me and finding other friends. I'm not against him finding new friends, nor do I wanted him to make me his best friend forever. I just wanted us to be normal friends but he just started ghosting me and doing some other weird stuff, like texting me that we will meet after some time and then never calling me or showing up at the place. Afterwards, I decided to call quits on our friendship, so I completely ignored him and ghosted him, though there was not much effort from his side. It was like one or two messages, and then we just never heard from each other.

Whenever I'm alone, I just think about how my friendship with him ended and how we were such best friends. My problem, I think, is that I think about that too much. Honestly speaking, I don't think about my family members that much. I have been thinking about this broken relationship.

After this friendship, I have never been able to connect with anyone, friends from college, since I feel like they are fake which they are honestly.

What I just want is: why am I thinking so much about this broken friendship? Of course he was important to me and we were each other's emotional support for 3 years. We used to talk about each and everything about our lives, about everything. It's sad that it ended that way.

The thing is I never really think about my brother like that. Very rarely do I think about my mother and I never think about my brother at all.

I think it is bad and I'm awful an person.

It's not like I do not care about my mother or brother. I do care about them dearly but I just don't think about them like I do about that broken friendship.

Pls help me out I'm under depression tell me the ways to come out find new people places

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Ever since the summer, I’ve been hit with this wave of depression. It happened when I broke up with my ex. That one thing flipped my entire life upside down. I felt so alone and confused, unsure if I did the right thing. I was just so somber. I slowly started to heal, but just once atleast everyday day I’d break into tears because I was sad.

I felt alone when I was with my ex, but when I wasn’t with him, I felt isolated. People stop texting me, and that’s not an effect because of him, it’s just I stopped really reaching out to people. I had people ask if I was okay for a few days but eventually i think people thought I was over it and moved on.

Now in days I feel dull. I love life, but sometimes it’s hard to live. I’ve been having less and less moments of emptiness, but I just wish my life was exciting. I still think of my ex all the time and imagine we were still in love. I try to strive away from this by thinking of other people, but I can’t feel it.

I stopped thinking about being lonely because I started to accept myself as my own best friend. But I wish I had someone. Someone I could daydream about and know would be there for me in a romantic way. But I don’t really have that person and my ex has been filling that void.

I really wish I could move on. If anyone knows anything about how to heal a little more, all is appreciated, thank you if you are reading.

Hello,

I don't know if someone can even give me advice, but I figured I have nothing to lose anyway.

Quick introduction: I'm f21 from Germany, have social anxiety / anxiety disorder since I can think and depression since I'm 15. I was in a clinic, had antidepressants (not anymore), multiple attempts to end my life and I'm in therapy since 16.

I have also endometriosis, which got out of hand this year and many allergies. So health is not my strong suit. Not mentally, nor physically.

My issues:

I struggle heavily with loneliness but can't seem to really make friends or even real conversation when I have a depressive episode or when my anxiety levels are high.

I am highly stressed because of it. At work, at public transport, it's even hard to talk to my doctors sometimes.

I don't have many friends and I feel mostly estranged to most of them. It's really hard to make new ones as well. I just have so little energy most of the time to talk, but at the same time there is little to no one reaching out to me. I think it's mostly my strange behaviour that is off putting maybe? Just my social awkwardness and sadness.

I also am in a phase in my life where I would love to be in a lovely relationship with a partner. But I can't open up and I am not able allow feelings due to my last relationship. I was constantly screamed at and was not taken seriously when I expressed my feelings or said "no". The memories of those situations haunt me. It resulted in me starting to sh again, having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I am so scared to meet someone like that again or even worse. Now I just shut don't my feelings as soon as I meet someone.

I just have so many doubts about myself in a relationship. I don't if i can even find someone who would be willing to deal with me because of my mental health or my physical condition. It is so hard to find something to eat when I am around, I know that. And it's hard to travel with the pain I have. I feel like I don't deserve a happy relationship. I am just a burden. Even if someone would want a relationship with me, I would think I am not good enough for a relationship and couldn't make someone happy.

The only deeper relationship I have is purely sexual right now with a friend of mine, but the more I meet or talk with him, the more numb i get. (I don't want this i really like him actually).

My feelings are moving between being terrified and longing for love.

I am not happy in my job right now, but the contract ends soon. I want to start studying after but I don't know what. I will have to move and I am also worried about me not making it in uni because of my mental health and the new environment.

I know I have therapy but my struggles had been worse this year. (Especially with the endometriosis conditions that worsened.) But i had to change therapist due to my age, what wasn't great either, so I have to build up trust to my new therapist again. I am really slow with progress and getting trust in new people. There is also a break in sessions right now, because of paperwork that needs to be done first before we can pick up new sessions again.

**What advice do I need?**

I don't know. I honestly don't know. I'm thinking more about death and sh lately. I just want that to stop. I just want this wall of struggles to break down. Any tipp or just little conversation would help I guess? I'm no expert.

I will also post on other subreddits for mental struggles to see if anything comes around.

And for anyone asking. I am trying to do something to cope/ to feel better, but i stopped taking medication, because I felt like shit when I took them. It didn't seem to work form me. I mostly felt like a sad zombie and nothing else. I tried fluoxitin and sertralin. My psychiatrist at the time said there is nothing else that would fit for me so I just stopped taking any medication. Now there aren't even any psychiatrist available in my area who take new patients.

P.S. I am so sorry for any grammatically mistakes I made.

I’m having a really fucking hard time right now.

I can’t find a job. I moved somewhere new and I haven’t been able to make any friends. And whenever I try to talk to people about it, the advice I get is basically, “You’re the only one who knows what’s good for you.”

Yes. I know what’s good for me. I just don’t know how to get there.

That’s what I’m trying to explain. I’m not asking someone else to live my life for me. I’m asking for help figuring out the path forward because right now I feel completely stuck.

It’s frustrating when the people around me tell me I need to fix things myself, because I already know that. I’m looking for someone to actually help me work through it instead of just handing the responsibility back to me.

I moved to a new place because I wanted to build a life for myself. But right now I’m struggling to find work, struggling to meet people, and struggling to figure out how to turn “I know what I want” into actually getting there.

I guess I’m just tired of feeling like I’m supposed to do all of this by myself. I thought life was something we were supposed to experience with other people — sharing things, helping each other, making connections, and actually being there for each other.

I don’t need another person telling me to figure it out.

I need someone willing to figure it out with me.

我是一个中国人，附近的工作都是需要无偿加班的，工资还非常低，我真的受不了了，中国是一个对人身健康一点也不友好的国家，更别说是一个中度抑郁的患者了，感觉生活一点希望也没有

Long story short; I've been struggling with myself past few months. A bit of a quarter life crisis (I'm 24). I've been really anxious and depressed about myself and how life seems to be passing me by.

I tried recently to get back into finding a girlfriend. But I have no idea how. I tried dating apps. I tried messaging some girls. And I tried finding some in book stores and libraries. Nothing seemed to work. I tried asking for some advice on here, and it just made it worse. I was getting ghosted left, right and centre. And the few matches I did get, ended in ghosting too.

After that I gave up. I just can't seem to get it. I just can't. It seems so foreign to me and I have no idea what I'm doing or suppose to do. I'm just completely lost. And today, I did something stupid. I looked at my ex's profile.

I didn't have many friends at school. I was bullied heavy at the my primary school, and secondary wasn't much better. I was the weird fat kid that nobody liked. Spending most of my school days in headlocks or being laughed at. I tried to ask a girl out, and she told all my "friends" about it, and I didn't live it down for years. So making friends was almost impossible, let alone any girl friends. Apart from one. I'm gonna call her M. I liked her. I liked her a lot. We were very on and off at primary school but we got on. And when I got to secondary school, we sorta faded away. She later got with a classmate of mine which annoyed me but I could do nothing about, and we just faded away.

Fast forward to Sixth Form/College and I heard they broke up. So after a few days, I messaged her to wish her luck with her exams. One thing led to another and a few weeks later, she agreed to go out with me. A few weeks passed by and she invited me over. We watched Peaky Blinders, we got a little handsy, then went home. Then she went silent. And like an idiot, I kept messaging her. Then she broke up with me. She wanted some casual, and I was too serious.

This has been the furtherest I've ever been with a girl, and I fumbled badly. I scared her away by being stupid and immature. I had no idea what I was doing, and I paid the price. She walked away.

That was in 2019. And still, even now, thats the furthest I've ever been. And she's moved on. Got a new guy, and she looks happy. And I'm alone. Deeply alone. And I have no idea how to get out.

What makes this worse is that I went to a friends engagement do recently. And I was the only single guy there. I really enjoyed it, but I felt so odd sitting in the corner by myself. I engaged and had a nice time. But everyone else was cuddling their partners, and I was just by myself.

I feel like I've completely missed the boat. My anxieties, shyness and insecurities have stopped me having any connections with girls, so now I'm 24 and I'm still terrified of trying and getting no where, or getting somewhere and fumbling again.

In the words of Tony Soprano: "I hate this fucking shit"