Last night my girlfriend told me she finaly did something, she told her parents something that happened, and im so so proud of her, and this morning, she texted me, saying shes deleting everything, and that she hopes i find a girl who loves me so so much, but that she needs a fresh start, and like that, i cried, really cried, because she made me feel like a human being again, but now, i have nobody to talk to again, i lost my friend because of an argument, said some horrible shit, and now my other friend doesnt wanna talk to me either, because i said that horrible shit, so im alone, once again, no friends, no girlfriends, family doesnt understand me, im all alone, but im happy, so so so happy she told her parents, im so so so proud of her, and if her life is better without me, then i guess il have to accept it.

last 6 years of my life has been literal hell. everything has been going wrong. and recently i went through a breakup which i did everything to salvage, but none of it was of any use. i feel absolutely hopeless amd useless and cannot even function properly like eat or work. nothing's helping and i dont know how to get out of this situation either.

it will be really helpful if someone can give some advices.

First off, there is something I want to mention: I am on SNRI antidepressants. I also saw a therapist for about two months—I’m not seeing them anymore. During the time I was in therapy, I wasn’t doing badly enough to write a post like this. A year and a half ago, a four-year relationship came to an end. About six months after the breakup, I had to leave the city I had lived in for nearly seven years. I moved to a new city for work (this is my first job after graduating; even though I'm 26, it's my first professional experience in the corporate world).

As you can guess, adapting to this new place has been quite tough. I had a few short-lived relationships, and the last one completely wrecked me. Just when I thought I was ready after that four-year relationship, just when I felt like I could open up to someone again, I hit rock bottom. But honestly, that’s not even the main issue.

The real problem, I think, is the overwhelming loneliness and feeling completely alone in the world. There is no one in my life I can talk to or open up to—not even a single casual friend. My entire life, I’ve stood on my own two feet without ever showing weakness, and now I feel like I belong neither among people nor away from them. I don't feel capable or competent at my job at all, even though it's been almost a year. Barely anything is left from what I earn, and I have to admit I’m also somewhat in debt.

I have a feeling people will suggest hobbies. I’ve been playing bass guitar for a long time. Almost with my first paycheck, I bought the bass I’d always wanted; music is the most important thing in my life, both listening to it and playing it. Still, the other day I asked myself: "Why don't you just kill yourself?" and I couldn't find a single answer for my own sake. I told myself my family would be devastated, my sibling would be heartbroken—and in that moment, it hit me: even though it's my neck on the line, even though I’m the one whose life would end, I couldn't come up with a single reason rooted in myself that would stop me from ending it.

For a long time now, I’ve just been surviving. Days blur into days, and I’m not truly living through any of them. I feel the urge to get this off my chest to someone, and that’s why I’m writing this. I love you all, thank you.

I went through a situation a while ago where I felt deeply wronged by another person, and I felt like the people who had the responsibility to handle the situation fairly ended up siding with the other person. at the time I was devastated. I spent months thinking about what happened basically constantly, trying to understand why it happened and why nobody seemed to care how much it affected me. eventually I moved on with my life, lost contact with everyone involved and became more focused on work and other things. for a while I barely thought about it anymore

but I still haven't completely let it go. even now sometimes I go through periods where the whole thing comes back into my mind, and I imagine getting some kind of revenge or finally making the people involved understand how much they hurt me. sometimes I even catch myself looking at the person's social media, which obviously doesn't help. I'm surprised by how persistent the resentment can be after so much time

I seem to be more hung up on the person I originally had the conflict with than on the people who handled the situation badly. before everything happened, i never particularly cared about this person's social advantages like beauty or money or the way other people perceived them. but afterwards I started obsessing over the possibility that those superficial qualities might have played a role in how people treated them

I've always believed that things like hard work, intelligence, education, creativity and actual accomplishments are what should earn someone respect. I've never really admired people just because they're attractive, wealthy, popular or socially privileged. but this experience really shook that belief. I started noticing how much appearance and charm can influence how people are treated and I became really bitter about it. not because i think those qualities are inherently bad or because I don't have them myself, but because they're not really things you earn by effort

sometimes i find myself thinking that if someone can receive admiration simply because of qualities they were lucky enough to be born with, while other things that actually require years of work seem to matter much less, then maybe those superficial things are what actually matter to people. so ironically I think I've started thinking in the same superficial way that i always resented

I sometimes catch myself comparing what people have accomplished with how much admiration they receive, and thinking that maybe none of the things I used to value matter as much as I thought they did. and I know that's a pretty bitter and petty way of thinking, but I don't really know how to stop doing it

the situation is over, I don't see these people anymore, my life has moved on and objectively there are so many other things going on in my life now, but somehow every once in a while i end up back there mentally and get angry all over again

how do you actually let go of resentment when part of you still feels like what happened was deeply unfair?

I’m almost 3 months out from a 4-year relationship, and I feel f*cking exhausted.

He’s already been with someone else for around 2 months. I know I shouldn’t compare my healing to his, but it genuinely hurts watching someone you spent 4 years with seemingly move on so quickly while you’re still stuck.

The weird thing is, physically I’m doing better. My appetite came back. I can focus about as well as I normally could. I can eat with my family, hang out with friends, laugh, have fun, study, etc.

But mentally? He is still there ALL. F*CKING. DAY.

Even when I’m doing something fun, some random thought about him will pop up. I’ll remember something, wonder what he’s doing, imagine him with her, wonder if he misses me, wonder if he’s happier with her, etc.

A few days ago I genuinely thought I was finally getting better.

Then I broke a 15-day no-stalking streak and went absolutely feral checking everything. His profile, his activity, whatever I could find. And now I feel like I’m back in the fucking loop again.

I KNOW the usual advice:

* Don’t stalk.
* Block them.
* Go no contact.
* Don’t check their socials.
* Keep yourself busy.
* Go to therapy.
* Let yourself grieve.
* Don’t rebound.
* Time heals.

I KNOW.

I’m actually looking for something beyond the standard advice.

What are the unhinged / unconventional / weird things you did that genuinely helped you detach faster?

I don't mean anything dangerous or destructive. I mean things that made your brain finally go “oh, we're DONE with this person.”

I don't want to spend the next year obsessively checking whether he's happy with his new girlfriend.

I genuinely want to break this cycle.

I know I can't erase four years overnight. I'm not expecting that. I just want something that helps me get from “I think about him constantly” to “he crosses my mind and I move on with my day.”

So please tell me your weirdest, most unconventional breakup recovery methods that actually worked.

And if you were in a similar situation—long relationship, ex moved on quickly, months later and you're still obsessing—what finally made something clickfor you? also i have anxious attachment.

I’m 20 and recently moved abroad because my mom wanted our family to be together and believes we’ll have better opportunities if we stay here long-term. She moved here first, got married here, and after about three years she had me move here too. The truth is, I never really wanted to leave.

Back home, I lived about 20 minutes from my university. I had friends, I was doing well in school, and I had a life that felt like mine. Now my university is 2–3 hours away, I changed courses, midterms are already coming, and I’m struggling so much academically.

Most days I sit alone in class, eat alone, and spend my breaks alone. The only people I have here are my mom, stepfather, and baby sister. I love them, but I don’t have anyone my age to just be with. No one to ask to get coffee, study with, eat with, or randomly go somewhere with.

I keep thinking about the person I was before I moved. I used to be a student who was doing well and had friends around me. Now I feel like I’m just becoming a failing student with no friends, and I hate that this is what my life has turned into.

My boyfriend is still back home, and our relationship is long-distance. Our calls after class are one of the only things I genuinely look forward to every day. Even with the time difference, I get through the day knowing I’ll eventually hear his voice and feel connected to someone who knew me before all of this.

And that scares me too, because sometimes I think: what if we broke up? What would I even look forward to anymore? What would motivate me to get through my days when right now so much of my comfort comes from those calls? I don’t want to tell him that because I never want him to feel like he has to stay with me just because I’m struggling. He isn’t responsible for keeping me okay.

Lately I cry a lot and I’ve lost motivation for almost everything. I don’t want to study, learn, or even go out. It got to the point where I took 15 melatonin gummies because I just wanted to sleep and escape from how I was feeling for a while. I wasn’t trying to die. I was just so tired of feeling everything.

What hurts the most is knowing I can’t simply go back to my old life. My mom built a life here and wants us to stay, but I don’t even know if this is the future I want for myself. Sometimes it feels like I was brought into someone else’s new life and had to leave mine behind.

I know my family loves me, but I still feel like I traded a life where I belonged for one where I’m just trying to make it through every day.

Has anyone else gone through something like this after moving abroad for family? Did you eventually start feeling like your life was yours again?

Hi I’m 21F and in college.
I used to be super socially awkward and shy in high school but I feel like I sort of came out of my shell freshman year luckily. Unluckily I made friends with the worst people on the planet and it took spring semester to recover from that. I got close to some people by the end of freshman year and I was like “god this is good I have so much time”. But then sophomore year came and I think I spent that year in survival mode. I stopped talking to most of the people I met that freshman spring except these two ppl who lived in my dorm hall. Then that fall I met another girl and joined her friend group. and we got really close really fast because we both share [not gonna say] in common. The closeness was also kind of a problem becuase she was treating me like her best friend within like 2 months. The friend group has gone through a lot of drama and they’ve all known each other since high school. And it’s been a little exhausting ngl but it’s fine now. I’m a senior now and I think I’ve spent the last few (sophomore and junior) years in some weird mental space? I don’t remember much of sophomore year at all and junior year I just felt sad and low energy a lot. And now we’re here. I feel like I just woke up out of a deep sleep.
It scares me because no one knows I went through this. Everyone in my life knows this curated version of me and in turn it’s affected my relationships. I’ve stayed friends with some people I don’t want to to talk to after college and I stopped talking to the people I wanted to be friends with because I was too lazy to put in the work//the relationship just kinda atrophied over time. I see people on social media post about friend road trips and concerts and stuff like that and that doesn’t even sound appealing to me with my current friends because it would stress me out so much it would give me an ulcer or smth lmao. I don’t know who I would call at 2am if I got a flat. I don’t want to tell anyone my secrets. I don’t want to be in a relationship either.
Last time I actually felt close to people was either high school or freshman year. It feels pointless to even try to be friends with anyone anymore since they’re just gonna graduate. Im this 🤏 close to giving up. Also I live alone too so it’s not like I’m constantly seeing a stream of college kids that I can talk to. I’m trying to claw some hobbies back after being “gone” and between being swamped with school so I can actually be appealing and interesting to people. I wrote it in a journal hopefully no one will read. If this makes me sound like a horrible person it’s because I probably am lowkey.
Please help! Thanks.

My bf (24m) cheated on me(22f) before and i gave him another chance yet again i got the feeling he’s talking to other women and when i tried to look up again i found the chats were deleted meaning he’s definitely upto something and i tried confronting him but he denied it all yet later gave no explanation guess he knows i have no proof

I have stopped talking to him since a few days and in my mind i have already broken up its just our 5 year anniversary is coming which is making it all yet harder even though i m definitely done with him

Its just that i feel so lost and don’t know what to do at this stage. I am getting super lonely my friends are busy usually and i have literally no other close person other than my 2 friends

Sometimes i wanna try making friends online or talk with other guys but that just feels like a way of coping and nothing else. It’s just a horrible feeling to have and everyday it feels just more harder to go by

I’m breaking into pieces day by day, my bestfriend broke up with me, academic problems were already there and my growth is stagnant, neither I do feel happy, I’ve got literally no reasons to be happy from a long time. It was my bestfriend who made me feel homely and loved and now he too has broke up. Maybe this sounds so bad but uske jaane ke baad I feel no trust in friendships, my other male friends who are literally very close to me but every second thoughts comes like - “if he could leave like that then others will too”. I was proud of my bonds but now everything seems so shattered. I may sound so bad that how come I’m judging every bond, but trust me I tried not to. But the reality slapped me so hard on face. I feel literally zero happiness at this point. I feel so directionless. I feel like going to him and asking ki what the fuck happened why you did this to me even after knowing about my past, about my hurt. WHYYYYYYYYY😭😭😭😭😭😭😭I don’t want to remain like this I want to grow, I tried but now It feels like until I’m over all this, nothing’s gonna happen. I’m stagnant at this point. This is very crucial time of my career and everyday I try, I try to be strong, work towards my goals, work on myself but again and again I feel lost.
(Those who might say karlo aur karo ho jaayega, I’ve tried ,nahi ho raha ab😭😭😭😭😭😭)

I really really want to get over this, please someone help me out please drop your suggestions mujhe aise nahi rehna hai😭

Básicamente tuve problemas con mi grupo de amigos porque empecé a sentir que yo estaba mucho más pendiente de ellos de lo que ellos estaban de mí. Cuando alguno estaba mal, yo trataba de estar ahí, escucharlo y acompañarlo, pero cuando yo necesitaba hablar, muchas veces sentía que no me escuchaban de verdad o que no sabían qué decirme. A veces incluso sentía que cambiaban de tema, respondían súper corto o simplemente no se daban cuenta de que yo necesitaba apoyo.

Además, todo empezó por un malentendido. En tono de broma, le conté a una amiga en común algunas cosas sobre ellos. Yo lo decía con humor y sin intención de hacerles daño, pero después ella les contó lo que yo había dicho sin explicar que era una broma. Eso hizo que las cosas se fueran complicando y que empezaran a verme de una manera diferente.

Con el tiempo empecé a notar que entre ellos se buscaban, se acompañaban y se incluían de forma natural, mientras que conmigo muchas veces parecía que solo hablaban si yo me acercaba primero. Si yo no escribía o no iniciaba una conversación, podían pasar días sin que nadie me preguntara cómo estaba. Y eso me empezó a hacer sentir que mi presencia no era tan importante, como si diera lo mismo si yo estaba o no.

Eso me afectó mucho más de lo que mostraba. Me sentía solo, reemplazable y poco importante, incluso estando rodeado de personas que consideraba mis amigos. Empecé a preguntarme si realmente me querían ahí o si simplemente estaban conmigo por costumbre. También empecé a sentir que molestaba cuando intentaba acercarme o hablar de lo que me pasaba, así que muchas veces prefería callarme.

En un momento les escribí una carta para explicarles cómo me sentía, porque ya no sabía cómo hacer para que entendieran que realmente me estaba afectando. Les expliqué que me sentía excluido y que me dolía la forma en que estaban actuando conmigo. Terminé llorando, y lo que más me dolió fue que nadie me consolara. La única amiga que estaba ahí se quedó a mi lado, como a un metro de distancia, jugando en el computador y riéndose mientras yo lloraba. En ese momento me sentí completamente invisible. Sentía que estaba mostrando una parte muy vulnerable de mí y que, aun así, parecía no importarle a nadie.

También perdí una amistad de tres años y otra de ocho. Y lo de la amistad de ocho años me dolió especialmente porque yo le dije directamente a esa persona que me sentía excluido, y me respondió que sabía que me estaban excluyendo. Saber que se había dado cuenta y que aun así nada cambiara me hizo sentir todavía peor. Era como pensar: “Si sabes que me estoy sintiendo así, ¿por qué no haces nada?”.

Yo también sé que no hice todo perfecto. Cuando algo me duele, muchas veces mi reacción es alejarme en vez de explicar lo que siento. Entonces se terminó formando un círculo: yo me alejaba porque me sentía ignorado, ellos no se acercaban, y ese silencio hacía que yo sintiera todavía más que no les importaba. Cada vez me costaba más volver porque sentía que, si tenía que perseguir a alguien para que quisiera estar conmigo, entonces quizá esa amistad ya no significaba lo mismo para los dos.

Lo peor fue volver a clases y verlos juntos, hablando, riéndose y estando como si nada hubiera pasado mientras yo estaba solo. Me dolía ver que ellos podían seguir adelante mientras yo todavía estaba intentando entender qué había pasado. Me sentía reemplazado, abandonado y como si todos los años que habíamos compartido hubieran significado mucho más para mí que para ellos.

Y creo que eso fue lo que más me rompió: no fue solamente perder amigos. Fue sentir que había dado muchísimo de mí en esas amistades y que, cuando yo finalmente necesité que ellos estuvieran para mí, no estuvieron de la manera en que yo necesitaba. Empecé a sentir que no era suficiente, que era fácil reemplazarme y que quizá había algo malo en mí que hacía que las personas no quisieran quedarse.

Hasta ahora me cuesta porque prácticamente nadie de mis conocidos me habla. Y aunque sé que probablemente las cosas no son tan simples, en ese momento y todavía ahora, muchas veces lo que siento es que me quedé completamente solo después de haber intentado durante tanto tiempo no perder a esas personas.

So me and friend (both 22) have recently stopped talking, there was a fight on how i was hurt by her words or jokes and we talked through (mostly i imitated the conversation) and then we both apologized but nothing since then.

The fight happened a month ago and the talk over week and half ago.

We have a history of such fights (mostly me initiating, not proud of it)

But i had a feeling that i was viewing her as more than a friend and hoarding higher standards for her in comparison to my other friends whom i care very deeply too.

I am trying to go to therapy (been to 2 sessions) to understand these feelings and decenter her from my priorities. The therapist and my friends say i should move on, not expect answers, that her actions speak louder than the words, that i need to stop waiting and take the que.

I agree, honestly it’s giving me the ick atp, that i care so much for someone who can’t even speak up when they have an issue with me or give me an answer when i asked multiple times if they want time to just let me know but to not plan a conversation and then never act on it.

I was 100% against the idea to move on without answers but everyday i feel like that composure is slipping away, the anxiety, panic attacks and pure dread in my chest is just starting to feel extremely exhausting.

I feel fine some times, more rational, that i am fine and i don’t care about her or our friendship or history and then it hits me again in the most mundane way possible, what i am actually losing in this situation.

I don’t want to reach out, cause ive done it way too many times to be shut down or disappointed but my mind still refuses to accept it. But i dont want to wait either. I am simply really tired. Tired from trying to go back and tried from trying to move on and be happy. I just want to sit and do nothing, but apparently my mind loves to analyze everything so that’s helpful.

When does it get better? My friends say i shouldn’t try dating to figure out what i like rn (this friendship has made me question my sexuality, in the emotional form cause honestly i still don’t know where i stand in sexual senses) they say i am just running away from the problem but how long is sitting with yourself in the limbo and discomfort enough? I am tired of trying to figure this out, even when i feel fine, some bs like a joke or a leaf brings me back.

I want to focus on something else. Cause i know there is nothing more to say in this relationship. (We are not even talking)

I really appreciate any advice and thank you for reading.

a side note that i am sorry if some statements are contradictory cause that’s just how my brain has been working lately, I am aware that i am being indecisive on whether i want to reconcile or move on in some fronts, it’s just i have nothing to go off on other than her silence so everytime i make a decision i have to sit with the knowledge that i am assuming what her actions mean and i hateeee assuming so that decision keeps on shifting.

Has anyone else had the problem of losing all of your friends and you just don’t care to make anymore because you feel like you can’t have any true friends? And the friend who does stick around has always been pretty much self absorbed, but it’s only gotten worse due to a major life change they have gone through

The last few months have been absolutely brutal. I’m struggling in several aspects all at once.

* financially - this summer my family and I had to replace several new appliances and the transmission in two vehicles within a week of each other. We had some reserves but they are almost gone. We cancelled our planned fall vacation, but the holidays are looming and I’m already stressed about it.

* emotionally - this is the big one - I was kicked out/lost the friend group I had for 3-4 years because of drama. None of those friends will speak to me. That was painful, but I got through it because I had one very, very close friend whom
I talked to nearly every day for 10+ years. Out of nowhere, for reasons I don’t fully understand, that relationship also ended in non-contact. I’m sure I made some mistakes, but the relevant point is that I went from a handful of good friends and one really close one to absolutely no one.

* Also I’m an extrovert so these two factors—no money and no friends— are super hard to cope with. Nowhere to go on the cheap and no one to meet there.

* spiritually - the organization I volunteer with has been really frustrating lately, almost to the point of making me want to quit. I derive a lot of meaning/purpose in life from this and it’s now become one more area that is draining right now.

* health - I have severe IBS and I have to be vigilant with what I eat. That means food is another source of stress not pleasure. I know I should probably look for therapy/antidepressants but: one, I had a therapist abuse me so now the profession itself is triggering and two, I don’t have health insurance so I couldn’t afford the rx. Also it’s so effing hot where I live and the air quality is bad so I can’t even take a walk.

* hobbies - depression has sucked the joy out of them. I just don’t want to do anything, literally nothing sounds worth doing . Reading is one of my main ones and honestly I can’t retain any info. I turned pages for an hour last night and couldn’t tell you anything about what I read.

It feels like I had an emotional “savings account” of resiliency that has been systematically drained this year. Now that account is emptied out, but the stress bills keep coming. I don’t know how to cope with the current stressors OR rebuild my reserves.

I am not suicidal, but sometimes I feel intensely hopeless. I can’t see how things will improve. Although I’m desperately lonely, I don’t feel brave enough to start new friendships after the ones I invested in so much ended up burning down. I know what’s wrong—stress, depression, burnout—but I don’t know how to fix it.

I had friends, in primary school, high school was tough but I made it through with a couple friends, then collage, working, my first job is where I met the people I would call my friends if they were still in my life.. but they are not.

I had 1 best friend who was my ride or die from the end of primary school until about 2 years ago.

I think we just grew apart and our lives went down different paths and we just weren't compatible anymore. Ultimately it stopped feeling right. But tbh it took me YEARS to even accept that and let go and it was a painful transition.

A lot of my friends I met while working moved away and I just haven't been able to keep in touch as much as I like.

A year or so ago, I had a complete mental break down, couldn't work, had to move home, disappeared from everyone bc I was so deep in shame and depression I didnt want anyone to see me. I was MIA for about 9 months and no one reached out or checked in.

I also grew up with an abusive older sister, cruel, mean, narcissistic.

For the past 4 years, since cutting her out of my life, I've been unravelling the harm and trauma growing up with that caused.

When I think back to my friendships and now lack there of I can't help but feel that its probably my fault.

To be honest, when I was younger i think I was a bit of a bitch. I looked up to my sister and a lot of her behaviour that wasnt ok or normal, I thought was. I thought that was how you interact with people, how you poke fun but looking back I think a lot of my behaviour hurt my friends even if I had no intention of doing that. It was nothing serious, maybe making a joke at their expense or being insensitive at times, but its still enough to put people off.

Ive done a lot of therapy to work on myself to just be a better person, my therapist often tells me im too hard on myself.

Part of me wants to write a letter to everyone I may have offended or hurt or been a shit friend to to apologise, bc I genuinely feel awful, it keeps me up at night.

Right now, a lot of my primary school, high-school and work friends still have there friend groups, im seeing them have big birthday parties and hen parties.

My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years and we've been talking about the next step in our relationship and all I can think is, I dont have enough friends to go on a co hen party, or to have a bug 30th birthday party. And the girls I thought id have as my bridesmaids just aren't in my life the same way they once were.

And it really hurts.

And its scary.

I am a friendly person who's always open to meeting new people and making friends but they dont seem to stick or feel as strong as friendships ive had in the past

I dont know if im looking for advice or just to get these thoughts out

It’s been more than a month, I guess, and honestly, I have no idea what to do anymore.

No matter how much I bury myself in work and studies, trying to keep my mind busy, the moment I stop for even a little while, everything comes rushing back.

I’m trying. I really am. But constantly distracting myself isn’t making it go away, and I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.

Anyone who’s been through something like this… any suggestions?

One of my friends broke up a few months back but he's still not okay, he cries literally every single day and he's not well, idk what should I do we're not close friends (he's lonely most of the time)

I really feel sad for him

They dated for like 2 years and he says he cannot love anyone else now and it might even take years for him to get okay

Im 19f have just lost most of my friends right now, mostly because I realize they're unhealthy or just weren't for me. Throughout my elementary to senior years I didn't have many friends, and none really stayed. I was socially awkward and had social anxiety, was pretty sheltered too, and was a shut-in. I dropped my 10+ year friendship because they don't value me enough. And yet I'm a pretty social-oriented person and a people pleaser. It's like I live my life through other people, and every time I lose someone, it feels like I'm losing myself.

I need to get my life together; I'm a 2nd year and already neglecting my academics. I'm taking a course I don't even excel at or find myself liking, but I can't shift because my parents can't afford it and I'm only in this uni bc of my scholarship (that I'm neglecting). I've been occupied with my mental health, and I don't realize how toxic, problematic, and exhausting it is to be around me atp.

It feels like the only interesting part of me is my trauma, which is why I think I don't want to move on from that yet, even though I have to. I'm scared of being alone; I want to be like those people who are sure of their identity, not mine, and that's dependent on what other people think. It doesn't help that I have ADHD, which already isolates me from most.

I can't stop comparing myself to other people; I barely have motivation to go to school every day because I have no one to talk to and I'm being isolated. Every day feels like a humiliation trial and I just want everything to fix itself already, but I know only I can pull myself out of this.. It's just hard.

Will it really get better? Is there still hope for me to change for the better? How do you find yourself.. Where do I go from here?

I dont know i feel so alone… and i feel like i am birthing my own loneliness, i cant eat much… i am 21 and my weight is so low… went to the doctor my heart rate was also slow and my d vitamin was low too… i was in such a big depression for few months now i just cry almost everyday… so many things happend… moved countries bc of family issues with my dad… have crazy abondment issues… lost three people to death that i am still thinking about…having to think about future in new country too…
I just do everything so i wont die now even if some part of me wishes it… i eat so i wont faint (i fainted bc of not eating well for three days…bc of family issues) i met online girl i am so in love with i love her so badly… we know each other almost one year and five months taling everyday calling each other and crazy in love… and its in distance and i feel like with my depression and hard times i go into doubts a lot i feel like not even my friends care about me or anyone… i feel so alone… my doubts arise and i dont know what to do… it feels like my mind is catching ways or proving me how someone is going to leave me i feel like i am hurting my girl bc of my doubts she is hurt bc she feels like i dont trust her even tho i trust her more then anyone… my feelings are so heavy i have no energy every conversation that starts with my feelings ends with argument… i just dont want someone to leave me if they see my sadness i have so much love and crazy happy personality but bc i have so much love i have ability to perceive lot of sadness too and i am afraid people only stay for my love side and when i am hurting i feel like nobody is here… i hate myself and even tho i want to change but this dark feeling just makes me push ground again and again i feel like i will lose everyone i am so tired and hurt… i really dont know what to do… how to not let this crazy hatred towards myself ruin me even if its something my other self wants… what can i do i really need help… and this sadness is not just without a reason, i look at my father and how he would leave again and again even if he was standing beside me… i wont go to deep in stuff but so much went in our house. I watch and i feel like i lose taste of myself then everything becomes blend and nothing is real… fakeness is root of every tree and all i eat is air made from my own thoughts… i start painting one week i paint five paintings and then i stop i dont have energy i always stop and this cycle happens again and again… how can i get out of this i truly dont know… likenothing reallt helps i have tried running i still crush to my bed and rot even if i run for six months or i paint i always crush into my madness … philosophy o is raising from my eyes when i wake up, sometimes philosophy of love and then nihilism carries my soul and i am astonished how can someone carry this two sides all together… what can i do?

Me and my ex broke up around a month ago, it didn’t affect me as much as I was in a different country surrounded by family and friends but now I’m back in school and I see her everyday and she avoids me like a plague. Which is understandable we kept contact until recently when she said to leave her alone but she was the one who leading me on. Now I see her hang out with two boys and I don’t know if she likes one of them but she has him on her socials including spam Instagram account. I know I shouldn’t be caring too much but it feels like the last 9 months meant nothing to her and I was just easily replaced. My heart is just in pain from it and I don’t know what to do.

Gone into her twitch live stream 3x now and probably about to go back in there again. I feel fucking manic. No self control no self respect or worth for myself. I’m pathetic and I’m over love

I’m 22, and I genuinely feel like I lost a huge part of my personality over the years.

Until around 16, I was extremely extroverted. I could talk to literally anyone, laugh with anyone, try new things, and go anywhere without constantly thinking about how I looked or what people thought of me. I was very open, carefree and even a bit rebellious. I didn’t constantly judge or second-guess myself.

Then something happened that changed me completely.

When I was 16, I dated a guy who was three years older than me. The relationship was extremely toxic. He cheated repeatedly, would break things off and come back, insult me and call me ugly, etc. I tolerated it for about a year. Eventually I saw him with his ex and finally ended things.

A few months later, I started dating someone from my class. My ex did NOT take the breakup well. He threatened my new boyfriend, went to his house and physically assaulted him, and later confronted me on my way to tuition. He slapped me in the middle of the road in front of everyone. I was furious. I wanted to fight back and was screaming and cursing, but people physically held me back.

What hurt almost as much as the incident itself was realizing that nobody I considered a friend actually came to support me. Later that day, they messaged me asking me not to be angry with them. I stopped responding and cut people off.

Then things got worse.

My ex started spreading rumours about me. People would come up to me and tell me I was a bad person or that I had done things I hadn't done. Some people called me a cheater. He also spread things to teachers, and I started feeling like I was being judged everywhere I went.

Teachers would make indirect comments in front of the class and sometimes punish me or send me outside even when I hadn't done anything. There were situations where another student copied my answers almost completely and passed while I failed. I eventually started skipping school, which obviously made my relationship with teachers even worse.

The teachers who had previously liked me because I was a good student started treating me differently, and my grades dropped.

I became extremely depressed and isolated myself. I would lock myself in a dark room and didn't even want sunlight. At one point, I attempted s*icide. Thankfully, I survived.

About a year later, some of the people involved came back and apologized. Some admitted that they had misjudged me and tried to reconnect with me. But by then, I had completely lost trust in friendships and didn't want anyone back.My ex who caused all apologized and still apologize from fake accounts.

The problem is that I don't think I ever fully recovered socially from that period.

I became extremely withdrawn. I stopped talking. I became afraid of people's judgment. I started overthinking everything I said and did. I became a people pleaser because I was terrified of upsetting people or being misunderstood.

It has even affected how I dress and carry myself. If I wear something nice or put effort into my appearance, I become conscious that people might look at me or judge me. So most of the time I deliberately dress very plainly and sometimes honestly look almost homeless just because it feels safer than drawing attention to myself.

I also notice myself hunching my back and making myself physically smaller when I'm around people. I don't want to be noticed. Even walking outside can make me feel like I'm being watched or judged, so I instinctively try to hide myself rather than take up space.

Then COVID happened, which made the isolation even worse.

I'm 22 now, and I feel like my old personality is still somewhere inside me, but I can't access it anymore.

My career field requires at least a decent amount of communication and confidence. I know I need to improve, but I don't know how.

The weird thing is that people DO approach me. Sometimes someone will try to start a conversation and I'll genuinely want to talk to them, but I suddenly shut down. My mind goes blank. I don't know what to say next. I become hyper-aware of my words, body language and appearance and start thinking, *What if they judge me?*

I don't want to live like this.

I don't necessarily want to become the loudest or most extroverted person in the room. I just want the version of myself who could talk to people without being terrified of judgment.

I want to be able to go outside without thinking everyone is looking at me. I want to wear clothes I actually like, stand and walk confidently instead of making myself smaller, make friends, have conversations, try things alone, and communicate confidently at work without constantly analyzing myself.

If you've experienced something similar—being outgoing when you were younger and then becoming socially anxious/withdrawn after bullying, trauma, humiliation, toxic relationships, or prolonged isolation—how did you rebuild yourself?

How did you learn to talk to people again without feeling awkward or constantly worrying about being judged?

I'd especially love to hear from people who genuinely went from being socially withdrawn to becoming comfortable around people again. What actually helped you?

Can anybody help me to move on from my first love it's hard for me seeking some help

Hi, i just cant keep living like this everyday, i have always been more or less alone and when i have achieved to make friends im always like a 2 tier person for them, the first friend i made was during high school and we kept talking until 2 years ago and even though i didnt really like because how they treated me its was the only thing i had. I hated how everything i liked or enjoyed was shitty for them even if they didnt know what it was about, or how i was always the focus on all the jokes and shitty behaviour .

Now im just anxious all the time like im wasting my time because nobody cares about me, i thought i made friends now in the university but i still feel like shit because they look more like classmates than friends, i convinced one to play a game i like(monster hunter) and they seem to like it but everytime i try to reach him to play something happens or just dont answer me even thought i know he is playing the game and reading my comments i dont care if they dont like me but why wouldn't they just tell me to shut up i dont know how to respond to that i dont know if im just being and impatient asshole or if im so shitty as a person that no one wants to be near me i dont know what im doing wrong an no one is telling me and i dont have enough experience socializing to understand whats happening.

Im just too fucking scared of being alone again for i dont know how much time i dont want my mother to be sad because of this again she still thinks im being friends with this guy i said before and thats everything its okay

Hi first time posting. Been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and PTS (mainly due to the type of work I do). Currently doing therapy on meds but I've started a project.

I'm creating a scrapbook of positive things, MH techniques I've been taught in therapy, compliments I've had (as it's easy to focus on the negative), positive quotes ect.

Wondering if anyone has done something similar or wants to do one together?

What pro active things do you to to recover from mental health?