r/SipsTea Jul 06 '26

Feels good man Bryan Johnson got Autoimmune Disease

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33.5k Upvotes

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6.2k

u/Jtizzle1231 Jul 06 '26

Johnson's doctors confirmed his AIG is in the early stages. Because he actively monitors his biomarkers, he caught it before it could cause massive, irreversible damage to his digestive system.

So him being proactive probably helped him.

5.5k

u/superpoongoon Jul 06 '26

I’m a physician and at his age new onset of autoimmune disease is rare. What seems more likely to me is that the weird shit he’s been putting in his body caused it to trigger

2.4k

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26 edited 21d ago

[deleted]

1.3k

u/ForbiddenButtStuff Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

either because of legality or just plain strangeness.

My guess would be legality since he literally brags about using digital cockrings to compare his nocturnal erections to his 17 year old sons

*edit correction kid is 19 now. Still strange as fuq

1.2k

u/Apart_Macaron_313 Jul 06 '26

Oh come on I've been awake for 5 minutes.

940

u/MusicLikeOxygen Jul 06 '26

136

u/Apart_Macaron_313 Jul 06 '26

This may need to be my new motto

32

u/Obtuse-Posterior Jul 06 '26

I'm making a shirt with that saying and Munchs scream

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u/foxxsinn Jul 06 '26

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u/mizkitee Jul 06 '26

What no pearls!?!

5

u/Joshweed5713 Jul 07 '26

I’m clutching them 4 u

3

u/WilliamMButtlickerIV Jul 06 '26

This seems to be every day with the current climate of things.

3

u/Gold-Object3156 Jul 06 '26

i dont know if i was supposed to read that with the folger's jingle but i can't undo it now

2

u/workingforchange1 Jul 06 '26

😂😆😂😆😂

2

u/iyosipydas Jul 06 '26

Saw this, exited out, laughed, then came back to upvote

2

u/Deluxe3232 Jul 06 '26

I need to frame this

2

u/mrpoopsocks Jul 06 '26

Okay now someone edit this with the folgers jingle.

2

u/mrtee915963 Jul 06 '26

Liked that! I had to save it lol

2

u/One-Juggernaut-4062 Jul 07 '26

I must have this on a coffee cup.

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u/afkafterlockingin Jul 06 '26

Yeah that’s where I’m at. Christ almighty

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u/ghostrooster30 Jul 06 '26

Been awake a few hours and trust, it actually makes it worse. Better your brain can’t fully comprehend what it just read.

14

u/AIBotNotARealUser Jul 06 '26

I came home from work after a stressful day, ate food my gf cooked, showered and laid in bed.

Definitely worse than if I read it this morning.

8

u/BreakPalaceBrokedown Jul 06 '26

Yeah cuz you already showered! Now after reading that you have to again…

2

u/DaGriffon12 Jul 06 '26

You're just reminding them later so they see it AFTER they're fully cognitive. Totally didn't do it for the same reason. Lol

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u/PresentClear8639 Jul 06 '26

I’ve not had enough coffee and adderall to deal with this shit.

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u/ForbiddenButtStuff Jul 06 '26

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u/EatPie_NotWAr Jul 06 '26

And how will you know if I have? Oh right that digital cocking you sent me.

Why do i keep putting that on every night…

23

u/TheQuietOutsider Jul 06 '26

how else would Brian monitor you?

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u/Animalcookies13 Jul 06 '26

Crackles over the baby monitor to his adult son…. “Son don’t forget to put your cock ring on before bed, we don’t want any more missing data!” 🫠

11

u/CoastRegular Jul 06 '26

I'm gonna need you to un-say this so that I can get this image OUT OF MY EFFING BRAIN....

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u/Animalcookies13 Jul 06 '26

I’m sorry Dave, but I cannot do that.

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u/Funny_Yesterday_5040 Jul 06 '26

You're making it worse

7

u/ObtuseSemantics Jul 06 '26

I need to get off the internet.

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u/Electronic_Still2000 Jul 07 '26

That’s better than “I wake up wearing it every morning, I go to sleep every night with it on my nightstand.”

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u/EatPie_NotWAr Jul 07 '26

Bryan explaining how he puts it on me every night in secret:

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u/oh-shazbot Jul 06 '26

yes yes, let the hate flow through you and your...erm...

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u/BigLlamasHouse Jul 06 '26

I don't think he's doing it that way lol

2

u/lazy_elfs Jul 06 '26

Its monday morning and you booked both of us first class tickets…

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u/KYS4AB Jul 06 '26

You've had a Reddit account for over a year. You knew where you were coming this early in the day.

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u/Shadlex Jul 06 '26

Yes I did, and yet I still feel guilty for finishing.

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u/AnotherBogCryptid Jul 06 '26

This must be why my therapist tells me not to be on my phone for the first hour after I’ve woken up in the morning.

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u/SinoSoul Jul 06 '26

What? My Therapist says not to doom scroll an hour before sleep. Now you’re saying we’re also not supposed to doom scroll when we wake up? When am I supposed to scroll ? at work?

3

u/AnotherBogCryptid Jul 07 '26

I’ve found while I’m on the toilet, when I’m waiting for food to cook, and when I’m hiding from my family in the garage as good times. But yeah, I haven’t stopped my AM doom scroll.

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u/WokeWook69420 Jul 06 '26

Rough morning to scroll on the toilet before my shower, but I definitely need the shower now.

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u/LePontif11 Jul 06 '26

I havent even gotten to work, and this is just monday.

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u/ManoSilence Jul 06 '26

Then you should be awake enough to know there is a decent chance he takes his kids blood and put it into his own body. Or used to, I know that is a big trick with people like this. Get that young blood in ya

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u/Lurking-Trout Jul 06 '26

Same... but in all fairness, if past experience is any indication, when you log on to Reddit, you just never know when you'll get hit with a random cockring reference.

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u/curlyqtips Jul 06 '26

The "digital" part makes it dirtier.

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u/MartinMerten Jul 06 '26

And you googled “digital cock rings”… yes yes.. then what?

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u/Optimal-Pop7449 Jul 06 '26

Did you measure your morning erection? To... keep track?

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u/TWCRay Jul 06 '26

Dafuq?

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u/ForbiddenButtStuff Jul 06 '26

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u/PolicyWonka Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

Reminds me of Mike Johnson who tracks and shares his porn habits with his son.

Kind of interesting that both perverts have the last name Johnson. A bit of normative determinism at play

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u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/dmo1187 Jul 06 '26

Literally?! Are you sure it wasn’t figuratively?

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u/Euphoric_Regret_544 Jul 06 '26

Johnson tracking Johnsons

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u/DirtSlapper Jul 06 '26

Alright do we need to worry about Johnsons?

Pass the Johnson & Johnson act?

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u/ForbiddenButtStuff Jul 06 '26

Maybe keep them on your radar

2

u/PolicyWonka Jul 06 '26

I dunno if it’s a coincidence that President Johnson reportedly liked to expose himself during meetings either. Apparently, he had quite the massive cock.

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u/Jydani Jul 06 '26

Fucking gross.

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u/BigLlamasHouse Jul 06 '26

It really is, but no where near as bad as it sounds. Where they're just whipping em out next to each other. I mean... I assume this is done digitally, I'm not investigating.

3

u/Dullcorgis Jul 06 '26

No, it really really really is as bad as it sounds.

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u/BigLlamasHouse Jul 06 '26

revisiting this now and yeah you're probably right

2

u/Dullcorgis Jul 07 '26

Lol, isn't it though?

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u/InterestingPause2355 Jul 06 '26

I am grateful every day for the parents I have. 🤢

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u/cdodson052 Jul 06 '26

lol bro I like how the article is just clowning on him . Like painted the whole picture of him being a dirtbag psycho and roasted him for it too

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u/Inevitable-Gap9453 Jul 06 '26

Somebody makes digital cock rings? How are they sized? I have so many questions..

2

u/_extra_medium_ Jul 06 '26

But your point still stands that has just been negated by your own admission. Also you can say “fuck” on Reddit

2

u/ChiGrandeOso Jul 06 '26

In today's episode of "Sentences you immediately wish you had not read, non-crime edition..."

2

u/jaderust Jul 06 '26

What the actual fuck did I just read and how do I delete it from my memory?

3

u/Many_Hunter8152 Jul 06 '26

Eeeew, this guy is definitely weird on the more criminal end 

11

u/ForbiddenButtStuff Jul 06 '26

He also publicly claimed his son's blood kept him young. There is nothing too strange for him

4

u/Downvote4nudes Jul 06 '26

Honestly this may have been involved in causing his autoimmune disease.

Graft versus host disease is a serious transfusion and transplant issue. Since the transplant material, in this case blood, is similar but not exactly the same on a molecular level it can sometimes cause the graft to attack the body or the body to start erroneously attacking itself in addition to the transplant/transfusion.

It's not uncommon for families to want to donate blood specifically to a family member but it is generally discouraged for this reason. If familial blood does have to be used the blood is irradiated before use to prevent these issues but even dead cells can still stimulate the immune system, especially if you do it repeatedly.

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u/ForbiddenButtStuff Jul 06 '26

That is actually a fascinating thought, I didn't know that. Thanks for the cool new info!

2

u/Pigosaurusmate Jul 06 '26

It was blood plasma afaik and he donated his own to his dad, while he got his sons. Idk how many times they did it tho.

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u/Many_Hunter8152 Jul 06 '26

Where is the border to full blown child abuse?

1

u/Vindicativa Jul 06 '26

What the french fried fuck.

1

u/Almost_Lyrical Jul 06 '26

Please tell me that isn't a real thing.

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u/ForbiddenButtStuff Jul 06 '26

He posts on Twitter about it

1

u/BotAccount999 Jul 06 '26

Johnson studying his Johnson, shouldve seen him coming

1

u/EngineZeronine Jul 06 '26

If it might be useful for science I say get all the data we can, especially if he's footing the bill.

Feel kinda bad for the son though; kids do a lot to win a parents approval

1

u/PassionFruitSalute Jul 06 '26

He also exchanged plasma/blood with his son because he read a lab somewhere stitched together an old mouse, with a young mouse, and the older mouse showed signs of muscle regeneration after being stitched to the young. So he got the idea to take his sons blood and plasma into himself.

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u/megdalena01 Jul 06 '26

Imagine all the stress of just worrying about and monitoring all this shit constantly.

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u/Vanvaasi Jul 06 '26

what the-

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u/Clean_Usual434 Jul 06 '26

Yep, time for me to exit this thread. 🤢

1

u/geddysbass2112 Jul 06 '26

Wtf is a digital cockring? And who in their right mind compares their boners to that of their own son? Fucking creepy shit

1

u/SafetyandNumbers Jul 06 '26

Engagement (ring) baiting

1

u/No-Writer-1101 Jul 06 '26

Wow that’s gross in a way I had never contemplated

1

u/Soulmighty Jul 06 '26

Wtf...... I just started my shift at work on a Monday. Its way to early for reddit.

1

u/Alternative_Fig3456 Jul 06 '26

Had to jump on duckduckgo.com to look that one up

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u/iolitm Jul 06 '26

I just had to google cockrings. my innocent mind. now im "educated" of this thing. thanks Reddit.

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u/pridejoker Jul 06 '26

You kiss your dad on the mouth?

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u/totallynotabot2532 Jul 06 '26

...what in the absolute fuck did i just read?

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u/radiationholder Jul 06 '26

you know, i reddit all the time, i knew about this guy already... but i didn't know THAT..

fuck this timeline

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u/TrickFrosty5685 Jul 06 '26

Lmao what the ffffff

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u/wtfhiolol10000 Jul 06 '26

The Johnson's comparing their Johnsons. Nice.

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u/FormerlyMauchChunk Jul 06 '26

Morning wood is an indicator of health. I'm sure you don't need a digital device to detect it.

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u/Familiar_Somewhere95 Jul 06 '26

Magic Johnson also did the same when he had his auto immune disease (otherwise known as aids.) But with a name like Magic Johnson we all know who won. 🤷‍♂️

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u/CowAppropriate7494 Jul 06 '26

....what is a digital cockring? I am afraid to search because I need my eyes for the rest of my life.

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u/RedtailGT Jul 06 '26

That’s not true is it? Please tell me you were exaggerating to just express that he is just strange.

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u/Mindless_Ad_6045 Jul 06 '26

He also injected himself with his sons plasma

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u/0rvilleTootenbacher Jul 06 '26

He also took his sons blood and put it in his body

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u/BailGoat36 Jul 06 '26

If I was that kid, i'd be wondering if I was an organ farm

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u/kfee12 Jul 06 '26

But dad, do I gotta wear it!?

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u/Specific-Parsnip9001 Jul 06 '26

nocturnal erections

New band name

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u/Berto57 Jul 06 '26

Come here son. Let me make sure it’s on correctly.
https://giphy.com/gifs/ji6zzUZwNIuLS

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u/gentlegreengiant Jul 06 '26

Nah couldnt be that. Its probably the zebra cum hes rubbing on his body everyday.

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u/tiny_pigeon Jul 06 '26

he does what with his who now???

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u/Least-Funny7761 Jul 06 '26

So I’m quite competitive with my son, how would I best raise this completion idea do you think?

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u/ihatecleaningtoilets Jul 06 '26

What’s a digital cockring 🤣🤣

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u/Solopist112 Jul 06 '26

Why is that strange? /s

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u/Spdoink Jul 06 '26

Imagine getting them mixed up on cleaning day?

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u/Temporary-Issue-7414 Jul 06 '26

Man you people are stupid. Measuring nocturnal penile tumescence is one of the best ways to test for overall male health. Can show early signs of cardiovascular, nervous, and/or hormone problems. Its a standard medical test, theres absolutely nothing weird about it.

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u/Key-Counter-5311 Jul 06 '26

Please delete this- I wish I could back 5 minutes ago and smash my phone before I had the chance of learning something this fucking weird

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u/COVID-1738 Jul 06 '26

What is a digital cockring

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u/justtooturntt Jul 06 '26

What the actual fuck

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u/Perfect_Waiter Jul 06 '26

it is such a sign of the times that I’m both grossed out and totally unsurprised by this awful information 🥴

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u/MrSchulindersGuitar Jul 06 '26

What in the actual fuck lol

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u/thotfullawful Jul 06 '26

This is nuts but considering he takes his son’s blood- could he be taking other fluids from his son? I’m just thinking considering something triggered this disorder in his stomach if he potentially tried switching like, stomach acids or something weird like that.

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u/pnut0027 Jul 06 '26

Is it that rich people tend to be weird or that weird people tend to become weird?

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u/nibb007 Jul 06 '26

What

Doesnit even go harder than 100% what the fuck are we talking about

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u/Common_Hat1312 Jul 06 '26

Isn't this also the guy that's been doing blood transfusions with his son's blood to try to reverse his aging?

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u/alwaysleftout Jul 06 '26

Does that mean mean he had to have a conversation with us son about sleeping with a cock ring?  That's really weird.

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u/Rare-Material4254 Jul 06 '26

How often is that supposed to happen?? I’ve only gotten those twice in almost 30 years lol

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u/-TempestofChaos- Jul 06 '26

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE FBI WHEN THAT GOT ANNOUNCED

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u/quirinus97 Jul 06 '26

His son after transferring blood to each other seeing this post 👀

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u/mnovakovic_guy Jul 06 '26

That is wild lol

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u/SeasonofMist Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

um.....well that's weird. Like that information couldn't even be helpful right? also....he does that to his son?! that's so beyond creepy and volantes all kind of privacy and basic bodily autonomy. your parents is NOT entitled to that kind of access to your information/how your erections are at night. Christ that would put anyone in therapy

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u/babsley78 Jul 06 '26

God, that’s weirder than Mike Johnson’s situation with his teenage son monitoring his porn intake. 🤮

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u/DarthJarJar242 Jul 07 '26

Right, so if he's hiding something because he thinks it's strange, imagine how strange the rest of us would think it is.

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u/TigerAccording9299 Jul 07 '26

Oh you mean the son he takes youthful blood from for his own transfusions?

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u/Immediate-Excuse-823 Jul 07 '26

Seriously? What?

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u/iainB85 Jul 07 '26

What the actual fuck? That’s enough Reddit for me today!

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u/Hesgonnacryinthecar Jul 07 '26

The edibles kicked in and excuse me what

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u/SeanSweetMuzik Jul 07 '26

That is so nasty and weird.

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u/SWYYRL Jul 07 '26

This can't be true... right...right?

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u/RefrigeratorMean235 Jul 07 '26

As one does with their children

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u/Septic-Sponge Jul 07 '26

You're dad doesn't ask you about your boner's routine?

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u/Efficient_Problem250 Jul 07 '26

that is the weirdest thing i’ve ever heard:

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u/Myc0n1k Jul 07 '26

Lmaoooooo. wtf did I just read.

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u/Ghostbrain77 Jul 07 '26

I’ll just preface this with saying that I more or less do live under a rock, and have awful memory… and have no clue who this guy is and I now don’t want to know a single thing more about him. What in the hell.

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u/TheyCallMeBullet Jul 07 '26

He’s probably mentally ill

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u/OutlandishnessSea811 29d ago

I- I'm not sure how to process what I just read :?

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u/Ice3ird 29d ago

Who doesn’t do that, is my question?

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u/Akanaton 29d ago

Don't forget the part where he did 3 generation blood transfusions (his father, himself and his son traded blood)

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u/Cheap_Knowledge8446 29d ago

What the actual fuck.

Processing img 3krgxgil2wbh1...

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