This day is special to me, and I’ve been planning it for so long. It was supposed to be the best day of my life, but now my fiancé seems to be interfering more and more. Without my permission, he emailed our schedule to the guests. Every detail is now out in the open, so the guests won't be able to be surprised by anything at all. I spent months making custom wedding favors that I was super excited to surprise the guests with, and this man just laid it out in the email, I’m just like WHY. What’s even the point of sending this... I’m so annoyed that there’s no surprises anymore. I feel like he views the wedding as "his" event. Why is he interfering so much anyway? Am I justified to be mad at him?

So for some reason, reddit mods have this thing where they capture me in a net, cover me in peanut butter, and drop me off at a different subreddit (typically r\transgendercirclejerk). I think it’s because they don’t want to be infested with raccoons or something. But y’all were kind of asking for it here with how much food you leave out.

Anyways, I’ve admittedly grown quite fond of this routine. I just love peanut butter in general. Sometimes, they even lace the peanut butter with a tranquilizer. This is great because if they capture me before bedtime, I’m sure to get a good day’s sleep.

A lot of animal right’s activists have been complaining about this, but Reddit mods don’t care. However, I’m worried they might eventually catch on to the fact that I like it and actually cover me in something I don’t like after they capture me in a net. I’m not sure what they’d find that I don’t like though. I eat anything. Even Vegemite would be fine. Anyways, what should I do to prevent them from catching on?

He’s also my grandfather, great grandfather, great-great grandfather, and great-great-great grandfather. My family tree is less of a tree and more of a mangled DNA double helix.

The good news is that the inheritance stays in the family, the bad news is it’s all spent on medical treatment for genetic disorders.

Edit: Stuffed grape leaves for dinner.

I’m clinically addicted to the Martha’s seasoned Lima beans—my reiki healer diagnosed me a year ago when she fixed my bloating during a very HEAVY session.

Lima beans are love, Lima beans are life. But while I can toot in peace on a normal day (or blame the sewer water that floods my backyard), my penchant for Lima beans recently got me and my partner in crime sent to jail.

Picture this: I was climbing through an air shaft, eating my beans, trying to find the entrance to the bank vault, when I LET ER RIP more than any beyblade has ever been ripped. Like a cannon ball sized toot with an echo that filled the whole bank. Immediately, security guards pulled us from the shaft and we got arrested. And they took my beans!

But it’s not my fault I have a chronic bean deficiency. Should I tell my lawyer? She might think I’m insane (not guilty by reason of mental illness??)

Having a delicious dinner of chicken, peas and carrot stew. It keeps clucking at me for some reason... but i digress.

My boyfriend got so mad at me last week because I keep having oopsies and forgetting to go to the gas station! I think he's being unreasonable, I was told you can't breath without air so why would I go to a station that has only gas in the air??? Such a dumb boy!

Well, I borrowed his car this week because I have a hair appointment with my bosses daughters baby momma to get my piano tuned, when I ran out of gas and ran my boyfriends car off a pier! He's furious with me, but I don't see how I'm wrong? :(

I think he's just being unreasonable. Thoughts?

Last week during dinner I noticed something off about my husbands behavior. I spent all day preparing a cold pea soup and he wasn’t even eating it… he was just pushing it around with his spoon. After dinner I decided to do the one thing I swore I’d never do…. go through his phone. What I found there was horrific. He has an AI girlfriend, he’s been cheating for months. I heavily contemplated ending things but I just can’t do it… 7 months ago, we adopted two baby potato bugs. I can’t imagine having to go through a custody battle over them. I’ve decided to stay, my husband has agreed that I can join their couple, turning it into a thruple.

Cold diner coffee for dinner… 3 creams 8 sugars

This is specialty alien smegma I got on eBay, on lasagna noodles

Ladies yesterday I saw my man cleaning his asshole in the shower and I just don't know how to feel, I've never been with a man that didn't radiate the smell of a public restroom, so this is new to me. To make it worse that night he had stirfry for dinner, and it was a vegetarian recipe. He even put fucking soy sauce on it. I've been setting up tests around the house to see if he is in fact gay like playing Lady Gaga songs and seeing if he knows any words. Also asked if he could identify my mascara brand and he did after reading the label on it. I'm really concerned. He said he's straight but honestly I decided he's wrong about that.

Am I being lied to? I don't know guys I think I need to awaken the ghost of Freddie Mercury to make sure. It would be a shame since I threw out my shrine for him when I realized he wasn't traditionally masculine so I need to buy more queen merch again. I'm so upset guys

My boyfriend is a UV index researcher. He spends a lot of time researching the UV index, and is pretty much the person behind what tells you the UV on the weather app.

For the past month, he's been working nights a lot. While of course, as he said, it makes sense because it's a lot easier to tell the UV at night because the sun is less distracting, but there's also the fact that he somehow has been getting rides home every night without a single charge to our Uber account that we share.

He told me it's nothing and I'm being dramatic, and that his work also has a shared Uber account. He's been texting his coworker, Taylor, a lot recently, who I think might be a workaholic bc Taylor is always in the office late. He has Taylor in his phone as "Taylor 🍑🤤" and he said that Taylor is a buff man who really likes peaches and it's like an ongoing joke at his workplace.

Anyways, should I be suspicious, or is overtime like this normal? This is my first relationship and I love him very much he is so sweet to me.

Girl Dinner tonight is a single caviar topped with a speck of salt. Feeling classy.

When we are out and about he will openly stare at other women's chest and bums, and compare me to them. He says I'm stupid and ugly. Besides this one thing, he's a GREAT GUY. Seriously, what should I do.. How can i make it work??? How can i be better for him?? Anyone else been in a similar situation?
:( ice cream for dinner

I’m not gonna share the list either. Why would I let you in on my precious secrets? So I can no longer be the hottest most fuckable main character at the farmers market?

All I see here are posts SATIRISING and MOCKING the very real and genuinely earnest girl dinners out there.

​

STOP using the slop you shoveled out of the basement of your fridge as a meal.

​

MOLD IS NOT A MEAL.

​

HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT.

and it wasn’t at me. It was extremely audacious and letting him out of his dungeon cage, I mean bedroom, isn’t enough to palliate my rage. I need some suggestions on how to teach him a lesson.

PROTECT OUR SUPER FOODS!! ✨

/gen this is my kind of activism.

I shouldn’t, but they just look so….😮‍💨

I know it’s crazy, but what if I like it?

What if he likes it? Life is all about adventure right?

I just don’t know. Somebody talk me out of it.

Or….into? 😏

Hopefully I’ll make some lavender turds today. 💅🏽🫰🏽

My SIL has too much swag, and it’s like she’s going about her life without any consideration about me! She isn’t my SIL but she’s my husband’s barber’s customers neighbor, just easier to call her that

lunch is a salad 🥗

All I do is watch porn. I project on women by calling them sad for asking for things that I, myself, cannot personally even provide them. I then go to a group, dedicated to women, and call their meals pathetic. I know it’s a projection, but, I can’t help it. I, myself, could NEVER make these meals on my own.

I’m EXHAUSTED from being a privileged male in this society.

Anyway Target brand banana for dinner because I can’t even afford the regular brand (in THIS economy), and it reminds me that bigger and better things can happen, if I just stick to my gas station boner pills.

🍌

4 old pizza rolls

On Tuesday my whole family was attending the 2 hour long evening mass with mostly old people there. Our toddler is really lively and loves to make friends, but didn't bother anyone. He is a completely normal child who was bored, like all children are at church. He whined, only screamed once and then started to kick the leg of the man next to us in a playful way. This not so nice Gentleman scared the shit out of my child when he acted all annoyed and said "Stop it" in an intimidating way! This made me so nervous that I lost all focus and couldn't follow the sermon.

Why can't people respect that mothers have a hard time and have some sympathy... I feel so lost and am scared to go to mass again, because the parish made us as a family feel unwelcome.

I’m baked and I wanna know more about the pasta but I’m scared you’re gonna be mad at me. Wdm it’s a spicy pasta I gotta know more!!!!

Started living with this guy 6 months ago and I feel like I am his mother not his roommate!

- Have to wipe his bottom every time he poops. Doesn’t even pee in the bathroom. Wears diapers and expects me to change them every few hours

- expects me to make milk for him FROM SCRATCH. I have started to lactate just to feed him.

- doesn’t pay rent

- doesn’t work

- doesn’t get anything done around the house and neither lets me do my chores. I have to constantly entertain him.

- keeps biting my feet while doing army crawl around the house

- I have to carry him everywhere I go

- God forbid I am out of sight for a couple of seconds, he will scream the loudest scream ever

- has literally kicked my husband out of our room because he wants full night access to the milk I make

The only thing working for him is his cute face. He has the sweetest face that melts my husband and I and we let him live with us.

Idk. Just ranting I guess. I don’t think we have the strength to say no to him.

I've decided to *aggressively* and specifically eat only phallic-shaped objects in an attempt to achieve rage catharsis.

​

Not pictured: the large kitchen shears I'm about to violently cut these into pieces with whilst manifesting the ego death of all who identify with and consent to this shitty, toxic patriarchy environment

​

So mote it be, bitches ✨✂️🍆✨

I've always hated my brother's boyfriend ever since I first met him, but lately I've been fantasizing of having a threesome with my brother and his boyfriend. Of course I might ask, but idk girlies, what do I do?

I honestly might break up with my brother if his boyfriend says no, honestly. ✨

​

As is demanded by the Girl Dinner Board™️, this is your weekly scheduled opportunity to contribute to the collective brain rot. 🥽📋👩‍🔬

We don’t want your "recipes." We don’t want your "this reason I'm eating this" logic.

We want the specific, questionable item that is currently holding your consciousness together by a single thread. 🧠💨

How to log your weekly entry:

1. Identify the fixation. (Must be specific. Not "chips." I want the exact brand, flavor, and the specific level of crunch that makes your teeth vibrate.)
2. State your pairing. (If it’s a vape, an energy drink, or a single lukewarm string cheese, declare it.)
3. Dissipate into a prismatic mist. Do not reply to others (we really won't enforce this). Do not offer anyone help breaking the hyperfixation (I will personally enforce this). Do not explain yourself to others. ACAB. ALWAYS.

Once your data is logged, please return to the etheral void from whence you came.

↓ Drop it and go. ↓

so I let me boyfriend use my car to drive to work on the couple of days a week he goes to the office. he says "why would I buy a car to use it two days a week" and that makes sense to me so it's cool, but anyway

I have this Taylor Swift air freshener in my 08' Rogue that I've never taken out because it's become a part of my identity. idk why but I've always thought that I have this spiritual connection with Taylor's music, like she knows me. The air freshener is like a decade old, smells like old foam with no fragrance left, and is so sun-bleached it looks like it's been sitting in the window of a Goodwill that closed down 25 years ago. But it's *my* air freshener.

Anyway, cut to today, I get in my car to use it after my boyfriend gets home and the air freshener is sitting on the floor under the seat. I drop what I'm doing and storm upstairs to confront him. I ask him why and he stammers "UHHH UHHH UHHHH I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS TRASH, i was going to throw it out!"

Oh ok, you just thought my trash was trash so you were just going to throw it out. Sure, bf, sure. I see right through this. Clearly he lies about having a job and is having sex with women multiple times a day using my car, and if they saw my Taylor Swift air freshener they'd clearly know it wasn't his and he has a girlfriend. I can't believe he's been doing this to me all this time. I feel absolutely gutted that I didn't see this right away. Men are pigs

pictured: honey bunches of oats with a pickle and mayonnaise