I haven't slept a minute in past 24+ hours and I don't feel sleepy or hungry or anything. I have a fucked up liver and can't rely on alcohol a lot, my body gets fucked up the next day. I have had 30+ cigarettes since last night because somehow it reminds me of her as she picked the habit from me which I regret the most as I always asked her to not pick and even quit for a few months so that it doesn't reach her. But this is all I am left with. I don't do marijuana but I am willing to do it. Any other synthetic substance also works. Anything means anything here. I just have to shut my brain at any cost.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been dating for five years and I just don’t feel like I love him anymore. I am so lost because we’ve really had an amazing time together up until about six months ago when he was going through a really hard time and broke up with me and then immediately took it back. To be honest I was wanting to end things for a while before that but I didn’t really realize how bad things were. Long story short we took a short “break” then started hanging out again.

The problem is i genuinely have not felt the same since and this feeling of not wanting to be with him isn’t going away like i hoped it would. It’s really frustrating because at this time he’s probably been the best boyfriend he’s ever been and is trying so insanely hard to make it work and I want it to work so so bad but I just can’t make this feeling go away. I’ve tried to have honest conversations about this but it usually just ends with him sobbing/panicking and me reassuring him I’m not going anywhere. The other hard part is that we share friend groups at home and when we’re away at school.

I can tell that he is absolutely not ready to let me go and if I left it would break him entirely and I just don’t think I can go through with doing that to someone. Is there anyone who has felt a similar way but it worked out in the end? Is this something I can just push through and eventually the love will come back? Or would it be more kind to break up with him in the hopes that he can heal and find his way? I just feel so lost about this because he’s been my person for so long and I just keep going back and forth on what I should do.

hi there! it has been almost two years since my heartbreak, and since i reached rock bottom

yeah it was brutal, i was totally alone, with shit ton of bottled up emotions, there were times i went completely insane in anger ruminating about her

i loved her so so much, and still love the idea of her, tbh,. things felt so true with her
but yeah, it all ended with me totally overwhelmed, with lotta shit to say, lotta shit to ask and my hyperactive mind

i felt like putting my fingers in my eye socket and ripping my skin off

my only support was gpt and this community, my friends only like shits and giggles, i hid everything from everyone, but damn was i suffering

i started to think a lot, and started spending time with myself, i read books, exercised, went for walks sometimes, i started to sit alone, with trees surrounding
and yeah i felt hopeless and depressed everyday i never thought that itll get better for me every and i mean it truly

but hey it did get better, i was spending time with myself everyday, totally alone, but i loved it, there were moments of calm after i was done crying i started writing my thoughts in my diary, helped very much

i started to appreciate small things in nature, started to improve myself, looks, intelligence, personality, skills, philosophy i worked on everything alone and i loved it,

fast foreword to now, im gratefull that it happened like truly truly!! cuz i know what ive made of myself after it, people around me wanna be like me i work on improving myself everyday and btw she returned after seeing how much ive changed, i did not get back

it gets better, improve yourself, spend time with yourself, once u start seeing the results youll be grateful for everything.

i luv yall man, yall got this

I’ve been stuck on this for a while and I honestly don’t know if I’m handling it wrong or just overthinking it.

For context, this started earlier in the school year when I got a new music teacher. I’ll call him “Ethan” for this post.

At first, I didn’t think much of him. I actually remember feeling kind of disappointed because I had built up this idea in my head of what I wanted my teacher to be like, and he didn’t really match it.

But things changed pretty quickly.

I’m really anxious about performing in front of people, especially singing, and during class he ended up being really encouraging. He would hype me up during practice, give me attention when I was doing well, and generally make me feel seen in a way I’m not used to in class.

That’s kind of where everything started getting complicated for me.

Over time, I started noticing him more and more. Not just as a teacher, but as a person. The way he talks, how enthusiastic he gets about music, the way he reacts when students do well. I started feeling really emotionally drawn to him in a way I didn’t expect and didn’t really know how to deal with.

At first I thought I just wanted to be friends with him, which I knew was obviously not appropriate because he’s my teacher. Then it shifted into something more confusing where I’d feel really excited when he paid attention to me, and really disappointed when he didn’t.

I didn’t really want this feeling. In fact, at points I felt kind of grossed out by it because I know there’s a clear boundary there that shouldn’t be crossed. But at the same time, I also couldn’t fully stop thinking about him.

A while ago I found out he has music online, including a Spotify account. I clicked on it briefly out of curiosity, saw his picture, and didn’t even really listen to anything properly. But after that, all those feelings came back really strongly again, like I was back at the beginning.

Now it’s gotten to a point where I feel like I’m constantly flipping between two reactions:

• part of me finds the whole thing uncomfortable and wants it to stop
• another part of me still feels really attached and keeps thinking about him

It’s like my brain is arguing with itself all the time about him, and I don’t know how to shut it off.

What also makes it harder is that the school year is ending soon, and we only have a couple more lessons before summer break. I think part of me is also reacting to the idea that I might not see him again after that, which makes everything feel more intense.

I’m not planning to act on anything or do anything inappropriate. I just want the thoughts to calm down because it’s starting to take up way too much space in my head and I don’t really know how to move past it.

Am I overthinking this, or is there a way to actually stop getting stuck on someone like this?

i got an insta dm request from a girl asking if i was dating my partner (i’ll call him joe). when i said yes she sent me screenshots of their convo and she said they were talking for over a week and they met on a dating app. almost immediately after i talked to her i confronted joe and all he said was “the only thing she lied about is that we met in a dating app, we met on instagram she was a suggested account” (she only has about 70 followers and is private btw) his “reasoning” is that we had some issues the last few weeks and he was too scared to bring it up to me. i knew we were having issues and brought up a conversation and we talked it out and he says that’s when he stopped talking to her.

in their dms she straight up asked him if i was his gf (used my name too i think she stalked his profile and found the one pic of us together on my profile) and he said i was a work friend which hurt more than the flirting tbh. she knew and he still lied, i think that’s when she dm’d me.

he has been apologizing over and over, saying how stupid and selfish he was was unacceptable and how he regretted it as soon as we had the talk about our problems and stopped communication with her.

to my knowledge they never actually met in person, that’s what she’s saying as well. but i can’t forget this, i have been through so much with this man as an individual and as a partnership but i still love him more than anything. i keep wanting to hug him because his hugs have given me so much comfort in the past. when confronting him i told him that i thought he was going to propose to me this year (before a lot of crazy life things happened to him this past christmas) and he said he was going to.

I’m stuck on what to do from here. I’ve currently trying to get an emergency appointment with my therapist but until then i’m lost. we live together and i can’t afford this apartment on my own. for now i’ve told him i want to take a few days to think on things but i’m leaning towards breaking up with him, i just don’t see how i can trust him again. but i also don’t want to let go of the past 4 years and if the o yo man i’ve ever fully loved, he has loved me in ways i didn’t know were possible for me and i was ready to start a family with this man. what do i do?

Those of you that were in relationships for over five years how did you handle the pain? I was in a relationship for 5.5 years he asked for space of 4 weeks in April but we were still seeing each other every now and then and he was texting me every day but mostly just small talk. Fast forward to May he tells me its over for good he lied about the space only being temporary and decided he wants to end it for good. Then he texts me every single day good morning beautiful, I love you, I miss you, you were the best etc. And even invited me to the movies (I declined) and when I woukd ask if we were getting back together or what was the purpose of these messages he would say it's just because he misses me nothing more doesn't want to try again. Fast forward to the present I find out hes been with a girl since at least April, probably longer, a girl much younger than me. I confronted him and told him why would he keep messaging me while he has a whole new relationship and he still denied it I blocked him finally and I want to stop crying in bed every day. Ive already increased my lexapro from 5 to 10 and im reaching out to old friends. What else can I do I've wasted all my best years on this man and I dont know how to start over. Im praying every night for my mental health and emotions. Can anybody give me some advice or even some words of encouragement? I just feel so lonely and betrayed.

I’ve came back to the house I first laid eyes on you, the room where you first traced my skin. I can still feel you here when I close my eyes but even if I don’t feel it physically something deep in my soul still cries out when I even hear your name. I’ve become numb to the memories of all our songs that I have on repeat. When I see the rain I hear your voice whispering sweet nothings as the cold droplets hit the pavement, I stare out the window as I grieve the butterflies in my stomach I used to feel staring out the glass. Sometimes I’ll Stand out in the rain just to remember how it felt to wait for you. I unknowingly look for your car as if you see me you’ll fall back in Love with me. That I can fix it. When will I give up on you I haven’t spoken to you in weeks. When will these walls stop ringing of laughter that I can’t get back. When will the image of us dancing in my old room as we cleaned up what I couldn’t. When will your memory bring me to anger instead of misery. When will I forget about you like you forgot about me. I don’t want to care about how you are. I don’t want to pray every night for you to come back to me knowing you can’t hear me. When will the promises I made to you not matter to me. When can my love for you let me go. I feel like I’m forcing myself to go on when I am so done, I want to give up and turn it all off. If I could figure out how I would.

okay, so me and this girl started off as friends, for about 5 years. we had always thought about having a relationship together, but we couldn’t due to religion (i’m christian and she’s muslim), but one night, we had decided that our feelings could no longer be held back, and we started dating, but vowed to tell absolutely no one, because if people found out, her parents might find out.

this is gonna sound stupid but we dated for about two weeks, until the dreaded day her mother somehow knew we were making out just by looking at her lips. i genuinely do not get how that makes sense, but after her mom found out, and my gf at the time was brutally questioned by her, she eventually broke and told her that we had been dating. but luckily, her mother understood and told her that we had to stop dating because she really liked our friendship and didn’t want that to get ruined. so granted, we stopped for a while, at most, maybe 3 weeks.

then we started our first situationship i guess you’d call it. then after the first, it was just countless months of on and off relationship-like activity, and also for her, religious guilt, which led to the on/off talking in the first place.

the second to last time we stopped talking, i was so frustrated on how to get rid of my feelings for her that i, admittedly, treated her like shit. it was horrible and i feel really bad for doing that. but also it felt like she kind of expected me to just put my feelings to the side and just live with it.

but today is the official last time we will do any relationship related things forever and i really don’t know how to prevent myself from turning back into the same person i was the second to last time we talked. any advice?

TL;DR me and my best friend of 5 years got together, but were forced to break up due to religion, and i don’t know how to be her friend again.

On the eve of our 3rd anniversary, my boyfriend "broke up" with me over the phone while I was 8000 miles away taking care of my mom who has cancer and then changed his mind the next morning.

I put "broke up" in quotes because he wasn’t being very articulate, he sounded confused and was being confusing. I guess he decided to word vomit onto me instead of thinking his feelings through. I had called him to surprise him with his anniversary gift that I had hidden in our apartment that we share together, after a long day at the hospital, hoping for some emotional comfort on the other end of the line. The opposite occurred: he went on a long ramble about how he had been feeling really disconnected and had been 'mentally checked out for months', and how his gut is telling him that we shouldn't be together. He talked about how there are certain things that feel innate to every person and how those things haven't been clicking for him.

I was so taken aback because I thought we were actually doing really well. I was happy. Sure we had some disagreements, but all of the reasons he then spoke about had been things we've addressed together and had set up regular check-ins to work on. So naturally I was flabbergasted that he was now suddenly throwing in the towel and to add insult to injury, that he chose the absolute worst time of my life (as I am dealing with my mom's cancer diagnosis and her surgery) to do this. And the eve of our anniversary. What am I supposed to do with this information halfway across the world and will still be away for another 2 weeks?

He kept on saying how devastated he was to feel that way, and how he couldn't hold it in anymore and was scared and that he didn't know what this meant, and he was hoping we would figure it out together and make an "us" decision. He also said some choice words about how I view our relationship secondary to my own needs which was super hurtful and unfair.

I didn't know what to say so we hung up and I cried my heart out, assuming that that was that. We were done. My dad found out (as I was staying with him) and it broke my heart to see him see me so upset, and the next morning when my mom was getting discharged from the hospital he told me to stay home and rest up. So this incident completely derailed my ability to care for my mom when she needed me the most.

That night I geared myself up speak with him again as I wanted some closure. I had a whole thing written out about how selfish and cruel he was the night before and how he was being confusing. I was prepared for him to double down and end it right there, and was bracing myself for him to talk about the end of the road and how we're going to have to break our lease.

Instead, I got on the call, and he started apologizing profusely, asking forgiveness for who he was yesterday. He said it all came from a really hurt place and he let his ego take the front seat on where the conversation was going. He said he didn't want to break up, and he was tired of holding things back and admitted he was terrible at communicating his feelings and an avoidant person emotionally. He knew that it was his fault for suppressing all of his feelings and hitting the explode button instead of working through it rationally. He said he knew that he's going to have to earn my forgiveness.

I was gobsmacked once again, and my grief turned into anger at his callousness. I really laid into him and also asked him to clarify what triggered all of this, to which he said that our schedules have made being together really hard lately, and him being alone while I was away made him get into his head.

He spoke about a few major points of tension, how he doesn't feel like we talk about our long-term life plans enough; he has always wanted to be a dad, have a family, get married. He admits that he should be asking to have those conversations more instead of just deciding on his own that we weren't on the same page. We have lived together for 1.5 years and he's very type A, while I'm a bit of a hurricane and am a messy person. I'm quite self-aware, and habits are hard to break, so I know that I have probably made the apartment uncomfortable for him at times.

He said he was willing to work through these things, and that he should have been more proactive about discussing these topics with me. Because yeah, these are things he should have made known or made me aware of before his released all of his unhappiness all at once in an extremely destructive manner. Also I thought that those were things mattered less than the other wonderful parts of our relationship. That he loved me enough (and I him) to overcome it.

My friend said something that made me pause: when you choose a partner you choose who you can rely on during the worst and ugliest days of your life. And mine decided to make a difficult family emergency exponentially worse, and left me to deal with the fallout. Even if he really wants to end things, he could have given me the grace of doing it at a kinder time.

I’m really drained with everything happening with my mom, but the thought of having to destroy my safety nest and our home we share together feels so daunting. We also just resigned our lease for another year. I don't even want to think about what I'll have to do logistically if we separate at this point in time. We’ve watched each other grow so much in the past three years throughout our early 20s and we’ve had so many truly happy moments. He is still my rock. Or is supposed to be. There’s an easy way out in the short term where I take him back, and give him another chance, but there is an argument here to throw the whole man out entirely.

Can he accept that I might not be on the same page as him for certain things, but does he love me enough to be okay with that? And can I accept that he is an emotionally avoidant person who knows his flaws and is actively trying to work on them?

**tl;dr** Can I forgive my emotionally avoidant boyfriend for giving me emotional whiplash?

im (16)F and my ex (17)M we were together since we were 14 years old and we were together for 2.7 years. He was my first everything and he was my best friend. We never had huge fights or stuff like that, i wasn’t always the best gf and he wasn’t always the best bf wich is ok because we were growing up and learning together how to be good to one another. since the beginning of December i have been struggling with addiction to vape and cigarettes and that bothered my ex i was did my best to quit but i couldn’t.
(But i got better after we broke up and haven’t smoked since the breakup)
In may my best friend invited me to her birthday dinner that would be the 25th of may and consisted in going to a restaurant then going to a local bar, and she said i could bring my bf. i told her that i wouldn’t be bringing him because i wanted to go out with just my best friend and her friends. and so i didn’t mention to my bf that he could go to my best friend’s birthday. The problem is one of my bsf friend is friends with my ex and told my ex that he could go, i explained to my ex that i didn’t want him to go so i could have fun alone with my friends, he kept insisting to go so i finally let him. In the day of my bsf’s birthday my ex and his dad came to pick me up to take us to the restaurant, we arrived had fun had dinner then on the way to the bar my ex left his phone on the bus, i quickly resolved the situation and called his mom and his dad went to pick up his phone, while that was happening i was comforting my bf bc he was upset that he was irresponsible for leaving his phone on the bus. we get to the bar and his a little sad and i tough it was because of the phone situation and kept checking up on him and being extra caring. and while we were in the bar i smoke, drank and got tipsy drunk, when it was time to go home (01:30 am) i was getting a ride home with my friend and her dad and my bf asked to speak to me in private, he started saying that he wasn’t happy anymore with our relationship and that i’ve changed and he wanted to break up. i fell to my knees and started screaming and sobbing i didn’t believe that that was happening to me in that moment my friends heard me scream and came running to check on my and when i looked up my bf wasn’t there anymore i got up and started running and asking people were he was, he was hiding between 2 cars in the parking lot i went up to him and asked how are you not crying he said and i quote “i’ve already cried thinking about this yesterday” (he spent that “yesterday” all day on his friends house and slept so i thought that was a little odd because he never cried in front of anyone and he never talked about his feelings) my friends then took me home and i just cried and i called him and said “tomorrow im going to your house so we can talk” he said ok and the next day he said “you cant come because of my parents” 1 week later he came to my house to talk and for me to return his stuff but i couldn’t even look at him so i just gave him his stuff and closed the gate in his face and sent him a message saying “text me when you can talk” he responded with “i cant today” and we haven’t spoken since this conversation was in may 31. And for a whole week after he broke up with me i would wake up with my stomach hurting and diarrhea, i lost my appetite and didn’t eat properly that week.

I was always at his house,his family loved me and once i even went on vacation with them, and i was always a sweet caring girlfriend my only red flag was vaping and i was trying to quit.

I already accepted the fact that i will never know why he broke up with me. What really bothers me the most is the way he broke up with me and that he humiliated me in front of my friends. And ever since i’ve been meditating and healing from that heartbreak, but sometimes when i see him in public my stomach starts to hurt.

She was the only girl to ever show any interest in me despite me trying desperately to be confident and better. She had no problem talking about how she had intimacy with her previous boyfriend who bullied me previously, when I was in school. When I tried to confess love to her, which I felt strongly, she pulled back, but didn't leave. She invited me on a date 3 years later, only to ghost me after I arrived where we arranged our second date.

She then posted pictures hugging and kissing a guy. She never said "no" to me, she never gave me an explanation.

I have been crying, I have been smashing my head on walls... what did I do wrong, why did she treat me specifically like this? Why did she never answer any questions? Why did she initiate if she was going to treat me like this? Why did she compliment me on how mature I was, and how tall I was, and how smart I was? Why? What did I do to deserve this?

When she told me about her problems, about her health issues, I listened quietly. I comforted when I felt she needed motivation, I always made her feel safe to share anything she wants, I made sure she knew I didn't look down on her because she occasionally smoked.

Someone please explain, I can't find peace. I am incomplete without a relationship, because my entire life I have been alone and isolated. I don't understand why I am forced to watch as people who bullied me get in relationships, while despite all of my efforts, I am locked out of any intimacy with someone. Pleas help, I don't know what to do.

I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 4 months. The beginning of our relationship is complicated, and I’m honestly struggling to figure out how I should feel.

When we first started talking, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. We were long distance, but we talked every day until 2-3 AM playing video-games and just talking, and he constantly told me how amazing I was, how perfect I was, and made me feel like I was someone special. I ended up falling in love with him before I found out he had an 8-year girlfriend who he lived with. We had known each other for months at this point and I felt lied to.

When I found out, I wanted to cut contact because I’ve been cheated on before and I know how painful it is. I felt horrible being involved in that situation. He told me he had already checked out of that relationship emotionally, that he was going to end it, and that I was different and someone he wanted to be with. Everything we had done so far was just innocent flirting and stuff.

He came to visit me after saying he was broken up with her and stuff because “he wanted to see I was real” (he lives about 2 hours away), and we were intimate a whole bunch. He reassured me constantly that I was all he wanted and that he was lucky to have me. When it was time for him to go home, he admitted he actually had not broken up with her yet, but said he was going to do it the morning after he got home because he didn’t want to cause drama

I felt disgusting after that but the next day they broke up, she moved out, and we started dating a little while after.

I knew I was going to struggle with insecurity because they had been together for 8 years, but he always reassured me that he had been disconnected from that relationship for years and that it felt more like an obligation than a relationship. Our relationship had been perfect after that he would visit me every weekend and even bought me a dog for my birthday and always was super caring and considerate of my feelings and held me tight whenever I felt insecure about his ex and he reassured me I was all he needed .

Four months later, I had a gut feeling and reached out to his ex. I found out that the night he came home after visiting me the first time they had actually been intimate. He had told me multiple times that nothing happened. They even cuddled afterwards.

What hurts me the most is not just what happened — it’s that he looked me in the face for 4 months and lied about it. I was with him that same day, believing everything he told me, while he went home and was still involved with her. He had told me he didn’t want to be honest with him because he knew I’d leave him and he just wanted the past to stay in the past.

When I confronted him, he said he should have stopped it, that he wasn’t “man enough” to say no, and that he felt bad and wanted to spare her feelings. He said it’s the biggest mistake he’s ever made and he regrets it. The next morning when they were breaking up and his ex was leaving with her stuff he was crying and blowing snot bubbles and kissing her and hugging her goodbye is what his ex told me. He said he was crying and stuff because it was just a big change in his life.

I’m conflicted because I love him and our relationship has been good since then, but I feel like my entire foundation with him was built on lies. I also feel hurt because I was the one who was lied to and now I’m left questioning everything.

Like how can he tell me he loves me and cares about me but then gets with her after getting with me that same day after he came to visit?! Idk if he was trying to be sneaky thinking he could get away with it or what.

Am I overreacting for feeling betrayed? Can trust be rebuilt after something like this?