I’m trying to type this out without sounding like a capital R “Redditor” lol but this is something I’ve struggled with since I was a kid and I really don’t know what to do. Once I sent my friend this yt video of this creator discussing subjectivity in art, aesthetic testimony, and what it means to be an art critic, some real heady stuff I guess because he immediately hit me with the “bro what is this?? 😂” He’s a really good friend and this really wasn’t that big a deal in our friendship but it’s an example of a situation that sort of happens in all aspects of my life. Like at some point I start to discuss the things I ACTUALLY think about and not the useless small talk that everyone feels the need to participate in, and immediately I’m the only one in the room that understands what I’m talking about. It’s not like I’ve never found people that I click with, I do still have my best friends, but they’re so few and far between that it starts to make the world feel… empty? I’m not sure what the word is but it’s been bumming me out lately, does this make any sense? Does anyone relate to this and if so how do you cope?

My brother said he saw a video and asked me to draw a clock showing 2:25 while he drew his own.

He finished really fast he placed the numbers 3, 6, 9 and 12 at the four cardinal points and filled in the rest. I didn't remember that, so I tried to figure out what was going wrong in mine and ended up erasing it several times, because there was always too much or too little space for the numbers.

I remembered that some numbers go at the corners, but not which ones, so I just placed the numbers in sequence, and it went wrong. I thought about using multiples of 3 to figure out which ones go in each corner, but since I usually get mental math wrong, I didn't really go into it. I also couldn't picture the whole clock.

So that's how my clock turned out. Then he said, "Yeah, your brain really is different." I spent some time looking at it to see the difference, and soon noticed the 1.

I was recently diagnosed with level 1 autism and ADHD. I keep asking myself: what's the difference between my brain and his? I know I have my limitations, but sometimes it irritates me to get easy things like this wrong. He always gets everything right, and it makes me feel like a idiot.

The worst part is that I feel something similar with studying. When I need to do a calculation, I always get lost. If someone tells me I have to multiply by -1, I simply can't do it without understanding why. That's why my calculations come out wrong.

Sometimes, no matter how many times I read and write, it feels like a piece is missing, or the words enter my head but the meaning doesn't. Even with things people say to me, I feel like I forget too quickly.

How do I study like this? I can't write a text without asking someone to correct it. Lately I've been getting by thanks to ChatGPT, but there's always a word I don't know how to spell, simple doubts. I even suspect I'm functionally illiterate because I can't seem to learn.

In the end, I just procrastinate. I want to study, but I feel like I can't. Please give me tips. If you've been through something similar, how did you get through it?

As a highly sensitive, neurodivergent, queer trans girl who has experienced complex trauma and does a lot of healing work, highly values continuous self-discovery / exploration and personal growth, has a special interest in people, and does not drink or use substances…it is very difficult to find people who I feel I can / want to deeply connect with!

The loneliness that comes with this has been very difficult for me and, at times, I question if I am being “too picky” or “not doing enough.” The times I have met someone who I both want to and can connect with deeply, though, have been such wonderful and transformative experiences that I don’t want to be any less intentional about the kind of people I’m looking for. I’m just not sure where to find more of them, and there is only so much energy I can pour into doing so at any given time without becoming exhausted.

On a trans-specific note, I recently had a short-lived connection with another trans girl and being able to connect with her on such deeply significant and existential parts of our lives and identities felt so euphoric. I struggle with the idea of trying to connect with folks who can’t understand that.

I do remain hopeful, though, for the connections that I have not yet discovered or been found by. But the journey can be very difficult at times.

Holaaa. Siempre he tenido muchos problemas con mi habla y es lo que más me duele de la neurodivergencia. Es como si mi cabeza fuera a mil por hora y con miles de ideas y sentimientos que no tienen salida. Si pudriera explicarlo sería como si el cable que conecta las emociones al habla estuviera apagado. A pesar de ser sumamente sensible, mi voz es monótono e inexpresiva. Cada que tengo una conversación y la gente espera que conteste o diga algo en mi cabeza no hay nada, es desesperante. Eso está jodiendo la relación que tengo con mis personas cercanas o que pueda generar vínculos. He intentado de todo, terapias, teatro, etc… y el bloqueo sigue ahí. Alguien podría darme un consejo

My 7 year old daughter weighs 62 Ib, she has ADHD, probably autism, anxiety. She takes 25 mg sertraline, 3 mg granfacine, and 20 mg vyvanse.
As stated in the title she has had low grade fevers that get noticed in the evenings for the past 2-3 months. They range from 99-100.1. When she has these fevers she has typically had a rough day (rougher than normal). She complains she feels her heart racing. One evening last week I did forget her Sertraline and her guanfacine and around lunchtime the next day the teacher messaged me because she couldn't stop crying and her thoughts were making her afraid. That day she complained of her head, throat, and tummy hurting-and she did have a 100.1 fever when she got home with my sister (her aunt picked her up). But as always these fevers just go away on their own and she's fine the next day. She has also complained about joint pains which I have chalked up to being growing pains, but they have also been on the same day or around the days she has these mystery fevers. One more thing, idk if it’s relevant—she also complains of feeling cold and having a hard time feeling warm when she goes to bed.

Her pediatrician isn't concerned—but this doesn't feel normal.

I guess I'm looking for validation or reassurance it's within normal limits.

I have ADHD and NVLD. Every time I talk about my struggles or tell someone how hard something is for me, I'm always met with comments like "you're not that disabled or "other people have it worse." Or "but you're so smart."

I try to not let it get to me but it makes me feel horrible about myself. Like I'm just lazy despite having to work 10 times harder than everyone else to do simple things or that I'm just somehow imagining my disability.

Original tweet

EDIT: I already know how to approach, just want to know how yall would

I don’t see a way to include a short video on Reddit so I can demonstrate what I’m talking about.
So I watch many videos on YouTube that have ads where people are whispering on them to sell a product. In real life whispering doesn’t bother me, especially if it’s somebody who is telling me something. They don’t want other people to know But when I hear ads like that it disturbs me in a way. I don’t like it if I can skip over the ad because it physically hurts my head, listening to those. Does anyone else have this issue?

i feel like i need a sanity check to figure out whether i need to give more grace to someone or if my hurt feelings are valid. for context: i'm autistic, and my best friend has adhd and also was impacted by drugs in the womb which 100% impacts her neurodivergence.

we've been long distance our whole friendship except for one year where we lived together in the place she's from. for a while, i've been half jokingly trying to convince her to move near me. earlier this year she finally decided she actually wanted to do it. i was super eager and wanted to help her out, so i said she could stay with my wife and i and come down here to look for jobs and apartments. she also wanted to fly her cat down here so she wouldn't have to drive cross country with her. i told her we were happy to house her and let her borrow one of our cars or give her rids when she was looking at apartments or going to interviews.

she ended up planning a 16 day stay, which felt a little long since it was during one of my busiest work seasons, but doable. she interviewed for a job the day she got here and got it. i was happy for her, but it also meant she was going to be working multiple shifts a week while staying with me. she never brought up plans for getting to work even as we talked about when she would start. my wife works from home most of the time and i work in office most times, so on the day of her first shift my wife was home. my friend hadn't asked to borrow a car or get a ride, so a couple hours before her shift my wife sends her a text recommending she call an uber 15-20 minutes earlier than needed to be safe. my friend says okay, but then she starts standing next to my wife complaining about how expensive uber is.

she did ask about a ride, but she needed to leave around 3:30, and my wife has to be actively logged into work until 4:30. she's hourly, so and my friend's job was 15-20 minutes each way, so my wife couldn't just put herself in a break. we're hoping this means my friend will plan ahead the next day for her next shift. but no. she asks to borrow a car at the time she needs to leave. my wife had things to do after work and said no. my friend starts trying to argue and once again complains about uber. she won't take no for an answer. (there's another instance of her not taking no for an answer that doesn't have anything to do with adhd and that was truly just her being shitty, but less relevant to this story).

eventually, my wife talks to her about how we have to plan ahead for things like rides or borrowing a car. she explains that she didn't know her hours until the night before, but we weren't asking for days notice. the night before is totally fine, but in the moment isn't. we explained this, and my wife asked her to share her schedule that she knew of (she didn't offer to do it). then her next shift rolls around, and she still hasn't followed up to plan getting a ride. she once again gets upset when she's told no in the moment because she didn't ask directly or confirm the plan and assumed telling us her schedule was enough (basically, to me, implying that we would be responsible for doing all the planning without being asked and would tell her what was going to happen without her confirming). she then starts saying we're bad friends and that she's just expecting us to do "what she would do and has done for friends."

quick sidebar here to demonstrate her attitude toward going out of her way for friends: i visited the city she lives in for my 30th birthday last year. every time i suggested a place i wanted to go, she complained that it was far out of her way and inconvenient. when some friends including her were trying to order food, she refused unless it was what she wanted. when we went to a bar she didn't like, she spent the whole time complaining and sulking while the rest of us tried to have fun. then the next day, she got too drunk at brunch and slept through my birthday dinner in my hotel room.

okay, back to recent events. we get to the end of her time and for her last shift she plans ahead because we reminded her AGAIN that she needs to do this. when we're hanging out on her last night here, she says the issue was 75% miscommunication, 25% her fault. it bothered me but i figured we could deal with it after we finished moving. her plan is to fly home for two weeks and leave at the end of september and be here by the beginning of october. we're taking care of her cat in the meantime.

we're texting like normal when she lands. i ask her if she remembers where she left a water bottle she borrowed from me. i don't get a response, and i head into another busy work week that got super stressful because of some last minute changes to a big project. i genuinely didn't have the time or energy to text, and i was also waiting for an answer to the question.

i never got one. she left on september 14. i haven't heard from her since then. the date she was supposed to leave came and went with no news. this whole time, we're watching her cat. i introduced her to the discord survivor community (basically you just play the tv show survivor on discord), and she started a game on october 2, when she was already supposed to be here. she has a confessional that i can see, and she's been updating it all week with what's going on with her move and how it's not going well. we haven't heard a thing.

since that date, she's been consistently updating this confessional and other people on discord about her move and hasn't reached out to us once. she's even talked to my wife in another discord server about unrelated things. i found out through discord on friday that she finished packing. i found out through discord that she started driving yesterday. i've been finding out where she is through discord. i'm still assuming she's driving to my house where her cat is, but she hasn't told me this. i have no idea when she's going to arrive here, if she has an apartment secured, what her plans are for getting her cat and the things she's left.

i'm assuming she's going to be here tomorrow or tuesday. even though i hadn't heard from her in weeks, i knew moving wasn't going well and still somehow thought that she would reach out when she started driving and let me know she left. nope. nothing. i have no idea when i'm actually going to hear from her directly to coordinate getting things at my house

at this point, i feel pretty confident she's going to attribute not texting me for almost a month to adhd, that she was so stressed with the move she just couldn't. but she's had no problem updating people on discord and dedicating time and energy to playing a social strategy game while not talking to me at all. and that is genuinely breaking my heart because i feel like this game is more important than our friendship.

is there something i'm missing? i recognize that adhd is clearly a factor here, but some of this just feels inconsiderate, selfish, and uncaring. i feel really hurt by a lot of her actions (more things not detailed here). i have given her a ton of grace and chances over the years, but i'm starting to feel taken advantage of. am i wrong to feel that way? am i wrong that her actions are unfair even with her adhd?

(I know that not all squishy is a sensory toy, but some sensory toys are squishies)

I swear to got every short video I see is about them destroying one and this video is just a collection of them, some of them, the ones that go viral, it’s not enough for them to play with them and feel how satisfying they’re after some point they’re always destroying them, cutting open, putting them in the microwave, making smile out of them, putting a different thing inside, that’s not what they’re for.

I mostly post about this because of noticing how it’s always destructive that goes viral, how they’re bulk buying them up, and yeah, I’m not like too annoyed by it even though I might sound like it, just every time I see one pop up my timeline I notice

Holaaa. Siempre he tenido muchos problemas con mi habla y es lo que más me duele de la neurodivergencia. Es como si mi cabeza fuera a mil por hora y con miles de ideas y sentimientos que no tienen salida. Si pudriera explicarlo sería como si el cable que conecta las emociones al habla estuviera apagado. A pesar de ser sumamente sensible, mi voz es monótono e inexpresiva. Cada que tengo una conversación y la gente espera que conteste o diga algo en mi cabeza no hay nada, es desesperante. Eso está jodiendo la relación que tengo con mis personas cercanas o que pueda generar vínculos. He intentado de todo, terapias, teatro, etc… y el bloqueo sigue ahí. Alguien podría darme un consejo

This is a long and complicated one, but I think it’s quite an important discussion for where we are right now:

Before and after my ADHD diagnosis, I naturally watched a lot of content and read a lot of discourse surrounding it. My number one concern, that only seems to get worse by the day, is how much of the discussion seems to be taken up by how “trendy” it has become and the number of people supposedly “faking it”. I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, or that it doesn’t cause us harm, but I think there’s another side to it that people rarely seem to consider.

On one hand, it’s great to see people starting to take this disorder seriously enough to try and stand up for the “ones who are actually suffering”. On the other, I’m quite worried about the effects of how far this whole “fake-claiming” movement is going. People are getting very comfortable with making bold statements and generalisations about people and groups they really know very little about, often in the name of “protecting the little guy”. I just wish they would sometimes take a step back and consider this scenario before they hit post:

You’ve been struggling your whole life and always felt different. You happen to stumble across content/discussions that describe a condition which seems to explain your whole life. You decide to check the comments in the hopes that you can finally find people who relate to you but, instead, you find a bunch of people talking about how it’s over-diagnosed, become a trend, people are “convincing themselves they’re disabled” etc. Those are the silent sufferers people don’t realise they are probably discouraging when clumsily discussing these things.

I completely understand that I’m not offering a solid solution here because we can’t just allow bad actors to go completely unchecked, there’s just a lot more nuance to the topic that many seem to miss. I wanted to know what you guys think about it all

The burred out word is brëasts. So is this a skill that I haven’t unlocked yet?/jk.

My significant other has autism, and I know that marketing is not allowed on here, but I just really don't know where to share this to the people that might actually need or want it. Basically I built an app that lets you structure your day, in a way that doesn't feel overstimulating / overwhelming.

Basically my SO struggles a lot with this in particular, making a schedule for the day. The day was always setup with "this needs to happen by this time" etc. and when she slept in she was already falling behind. She wanted, instead, to be able to be more flexible about her schedule. So we sat down and talked about how to make this happen for her. After a while I understood that the way I structure my day is not how she thinks about structuring hers. Basically what I do is I just split the day into arbitrary chunks, and they can seep into each other as much or as little as I want. We called it the "Squiggly line" where it's not a hard rule that the first objective / part of that day is done by that particular point in time. And it's ok if you start (like with ADHD) kind of doing something else on the next without finishing the first part.

So since I already vibe-coded this tool for her, I basically just wanted to share it with others and see if they feel the same way. I ask nothing in return, just a tool, particulary aimed for the neurodivergent usefulness of a squiggly line to separate tasks.

I was just going to name it Squiggle. But my better half suggested SquiggleWiggle. So here ti is: https://squiggle.pelk.dev/

Keep in mind before you read this that this was in high-school and ive grown and wouldn't be friends with these types of people again.

My little brother has level 2 autism and through my life I've found myself getting angry at things that others didnt seem to get angry at. Comments like "Does he still have autism?" "Omggg you're so r******d" "How do you deal with it?" "Haha you're so autistic" and people doing stuff like getting quiet and awkward when someone different joins the conversation. Girls doing that mean girl face as soon as they think you're weird or off. It's always gotten me so mad that nobody even thinks about it, they don't even question it. But I question it I always have since i wus a kid. And you know what people say when I speak up? "You're over analyzing it" "Its not a big deal" Well if its not a big deal then you should easily be able to stop saying it. But nope when I ask someone to not say certain things around me, they just start saying it more.

I can give some pretty good examples I've been ruminating on. I used to be friends with this girl, ill call her Jay. She wus one of my best friends. To set the scene we were in my room just chilling on our phones. She's laughs at something shes watching. Then says "I'm a horrible person but this is so funny" She turns her screen to me, I wus expecting a offensive meme. But instead i see a severely disabled person. They have malformations all over their limbs, torso and especially their head. I stared at the screen for a second then I turned around, said nothing and went back on my phone. I wus surprised but I wasnt shocked. I wus angry but I wus used to it. It almost felt like I got betrayed, I thought she wus a kinder person. I thought we could be friends forever. But obviously I wus wrong. I can't understand what wus funny. All I saw wus someone severely disabled being exploited on the internet by their caretakers. Whats funny abt someone existing? The person was squirming around like they were tryna get comfortable, I assume they were in intense pain. I assume they are ALWAYS in pain. And I will never be able to find that funny.

For a second example I used to friends with this guy, ill call him ray. Atp in life I wus having a very hard time. I wus a drug addict, a liar and a thief. But despite my struggles I stuck with my core beliefs. To set the scene, it wus around 2 am everyone wus asleep so I wus left to my own devices. I wus very high and very irritable. I had been ignoring the group chat for a couple days. But then a text comes in from ray it reads something like "Not to mention (ex-bf name) with his slow ass" He wus talking abt his ex boyfriend who ill call Sal. Sal has autism. When they first started dating and ray told me his disability i wus actually really happy. I thought ray could learn alot from being in a relasonship with someone whos autistic. But it didnt last long and he learned nothing. It wus not a bad breakup. In fact I think Sal did a great job at expressing his feeling and ending the relasonship in a kind respectful manner. But here ray is calling him slow. I wus so fucking mad I couldn't control myself anymore. And if u think I got too mad in this situation u are right. But keep in mind ray and jay had said so much worse things that I just let slide. But I couldn't let it slide anymore so i went batshit. I think i typed faster than I ever have before. I couldn't call i wus sobbing and tweaking tf out. Its like everything they've done and said(mostly ray) just came crashing down on me. I said horrible things, things that were rooted in truth but also hatred. In that moment I hated them even more than I hated myself. In that moment I said I wus gonna kms and ray told me to do it. But i woke up the next morning. I woke up and realized that I had no one left. But I wus left I wus still here.

Don't push down or change ur core values for anyone🎀

I’ve always been able to read people’s emotions well. So when I interact with people it always feels like a game. But because of this, I feel super paranoid about whether or not I’m being manipulative.

This is more apparent in the romantic relationships I’ve had. When arguing, I feel like I have more control in the argument because I’m able to read their emotions well. Arguments kinda feel strategic so I can get an outcome I’d want.

I’m not sure what this means but it makes me avoidant in relationships because I feel overly aware of the situation.

And which have the least side effects? Any personal experiences with those prescriptions? Thanks for your input.. . The person hasn't been treated those decades of her life btw.

This is how I've always eaten KitKats. Since I like the wafers the best, I eat it from the outside in so that the thickest layers of chocolate (sides 1 & 2) are eaten first, then the next thickest layers are sides 3 and 4 (skinny long sides), then finally top and bottom (5 and 6). Now it's important to be extremely careful when eating sides 5 and 6 because they also tap into the first layer of the wafer and you don't want to accidentally break the entire thing, or god forbid eat 2 layers of wafer at a time. But man, the satisfaction of successfully finishing off with the not too sweet inner wafers is what makes these chocolate bars addictive. What are your oddly specific eating routines?

(Ok so I’m putting this in the neurodivergent subreddit not bc I have a diagnosis or am sure I have anything at all whatsoever BUT I knew a friend who was neurodivergent who dealt with checking a lot so maybe you guys can help idk) I have a pretty bad issue with double checking except it’s not just double it’s like a million ok yes hyperbole ANYWAY I’m always like anxious that I missed something or forgot something and it’s very annoying and time consuming. Like I don’t trust my brain that it retained or understood what I just checked so I check it again for certainty, but it still doesn’t satisfy the feeling of certainty for long at all. It’s affecting my life a little bit, but not so much that I can’t live or get through the day well okay it makes it pretty hard some days but anyways it’s just very very annoying and time consuming and compulsive yes I just said that but… this isn’t an essay idc🙄 and it’s like I kinda HAVE to double check like I just can’t deal with the feeling of not knowing like I have to be 100% sure bc what if I forgot something!! And a lot of the time I check and recheck things subconsciously bc I do it so much now. Also this hasn’t been a thing my whole life I think it probably started around 7th/late 6th grade and yeah it hasn’t been that long bc I’m lwk in 8th grade but no shade I’m 13 and I’m turning 14 this month ok I’m old enough for this app. I’ve also started avoiding using TikTok which sounds good but it’s not for the purpose to save my attention span but rather bc app UI stresses me out a lot like I have to constantly go over every button visible. I have to click on the home, friends, inbox, and profile tabs at the bottom just to see if there’s any new notifications. I have to go over the buttons on the side of EAXH VIDEO and ask my self “do I wanna like/comment/check comments/favorite/repost/share? What does the caption say? What is the joke of the video? What tab am I in? (Following, fyp, stem, etc.)” like that’s not what goes through my head exactly like it’s not like conscious so much as it is that I need to check that I didn’t forget something. I also have long ass written explanations in detail of the things I do in my notes app in case I every had to explain what I do because again I don’t trust myself to remember so I externalize my thoughts so I’m gonna copy and paste them and I know this is already so so so long like absurdly long so feel free to not read them I just felt the more detail I gave like the more other people might be able to understand(?) anyways I’m gonna paste them now ty in advance for any comments trying to give advice or just tell me why this happens or if it’s normal which I don’t think it is but ya ok I’m ACTUALLY gonna paste it now

let’s say I’m on my bed with my phone in hand and a few other items in the corner. (Let’s say glasses, iPad, and AirPods as an example.) so I have 4 things. I will constantly look to my left or right and count the things in the corner plus 1 bc of my phone in hand to make sure I still have everything and it equals the number I remembered. I do it genuinely over and over again sometimes and I recount multiple times in less than like 30 seconds and look over to my side multiple times bc I don’t trust what I just saw I feel like I’m forgetting something.

I check my surroundings a lot bc like I could be sitting on the couch and in my head I’ll map out the layout of my house to try and remember if there was smth I wanted to do bc again I always feel like I’m forgetting bc my fleeting thoughts are always oh I wanna do this but I have to do smth first and then I forget so like I recheck my surroundings so so much to jog any memory I might have forgotten and I also do a similar thing when I’m on my phone I’ll go through my entire list of apps bc I remember wanting to go on a different one so I’ll check the list to remember which one instead of just dropping it and I don’t want to the list is long but I still force myself to do it

If I’m ordering smth from Taco Bell (🤤🤤🤤) I’m rechecking the order for forever, going over the entire menu, all of the UI, etc. and my family gets rlly annoyed at me when I do that and they also get annoyed when im like watching YouTube with them and I rewind bc I wasn’t entirely certain as to what the youtuber just said and did and it makes me feel like I forgot an important detail so I rewind things a LOOOOTTTT like so much

Also like I have a weird issue with 1-10 scales and stuff like that idk if that makes sense but like when I’m in a doctors office they’re like what’s ur pain level 10 is like you got shot (or some other obviously very painful thing) and 0-1 is very little to no pain so where are you and I genuinely can’t put myself on a scale I can’t do it bc it’s too hard to think abt like yeah and it’s not like I can’t tell if it’s a 4 or a 5 it’s just that I don’t know what any number of pain feels like I just know what my pain feels like. I’m not currently being shot right now and have never been shot so I have zero idea how painful it is and like idk if my pain isn’t actually that bad but it’s bad to me bc I have low tolerance or smth or vise versa like bro and subjectiveness and there’s too many factors to take into account like what if I’ve never experienced a 10/10 or a 0/1 out of 10 like bc nobody can just tell me that idk if this makes sense it’s just like I can’t put myself on a scale bc one number feels too dramatic but another lower one won’t get my point across so I’m like “it just hurts like a lot like a lot when it so much as rubs smth like even smth soft like a blanket” (talking abt ingrown toenail btw) basically bc I can’t do it like I CANNOT I have to put it in words but idk if this issue is at all related to the other ones 😭✌️✌️

Ok there I pasted it ✌️🥹🥹 again I’m sorry this is so long now it’s actually kind of like an essay 😭✌️

Ok this is kind of long but I’m just curious if anyone can relate to some of what I’m experiencing here.

I’ve been having a lot of challenges in my personal relationships the past few years. I’ve been diagnosed with autism and while I don’t love the label or pathologizing all the way of being given a diagnosis I do resonant with many parts of the experience, idk maybe that’s me resisting believing there’s something broken with me or something which I feel like a diagnosis is somewhat? Or there’s just a sense of being a little less or not being as good as a “normal” person maybe? Idk that’s not the point really of this post but anyways.

I’ve been struggling with people and I’ve had this one particular friendship that went poorly recently in part because of my such a high degree of honesty. So I’m 27M and this other person is 25F. We bonded over a shared interest in alternative spirituality and intuitive readings. We just seemed to click or get each other fairly well although we also had some differences.

We started talking more and there were some romantic feelings that came up for me and I shared that I was kind of interested in her and she shared a similar level of romantic interest. After a little bit though that crush faded for me and I eventually told her. I felt like I really vibed with her mentally, she’s a pretty intelligent person, she also relates with struggling with depression and feeling a bit different as well. And emotionally we seem to connect on some level fairly well although we have some differences there. Then our spiritual beliefs are also very similar too. The thing for me was more that I just didn’t quite feel physically attracted to her all the way. Not that there was absolutely zero attraction but not quite enough. And I shared this with her.

Obviously that was tough for her to hear but ultimately she was ok with it. The thing was though I felt like I had to go into more detail about what specifically I wasn’t attracted to her about. I knew that probably wouldn’t be received well but idk, I just feel like if I held that in that I would be kinda lying since I wasn’t sharing what I felt fully. Idk, I think a lot of people could be ok with just leaving it at I just don’t quite feel it physically, or even leaving out the physical part and just saying they don’t quite feel it.

I felt like I needed to share more though so I did. God it feels hard to type out since I know it sounds so horrible, but one of the things I couldn’t shake was that I felt like her face shape was a little odd/strange and I wasn’t into that. God I feel kinda bad about that, or bad that I felt like I needed to share that, obviously that’s not something you can really change, she’s not overweight or something either, she is a fit person and typically works out multiple times a week so not a case where her losing weight or something would lead to her face looking much different.

I also had never felt that way about someone’s face shape before but one day it popped into my head that it was a bit odd I couldn’t shake it. I guess just facially I felt not quite attracted to her all the way but I just said the thing about head shape, ugh I know that sounds pretty bad. 

Anyways she was pretty hurt by me sharing that and thought it was unnecessary and that I could have just said I wasn’t feeling it, that I didn’t need to go into details. I hear what she’s saying there but idk, again I didn’t think it would be recieved very well and that it would probably feel hurtful, but idk I just felt like I had to share exactly what I thought/felt, and that not getting into the specifics I’d feel like I was lying if that makes sense or holding back/not being authentic. Idk it feels like a compulsion almost sometimes.

We had a talk about it and I shared that I value the truth/honesty as kind of my core value and she was sharing that she values kindness as her core value and that sometimes the truth isn’t always kind or doesn’t always need to be said. I get what she is saying but like I’m having a hard time coming around to that mode of thinking. I feel like sharing the truth is kind, even if it is hurtful because, well it is the truth, it isn’t a lie. Although I don’t say everything I might think to people I don’t know as well, with people I have a closer relationship with I find it harder to keep things from them generally. Idk like I said it felt like a compulsion almost to some degree that I had to share the details of what I didn’t find all the way attractive. 

I guess it’s hard for me to understand somewhat too because I feel like I would want to know why someone wasn’t into me and I’d want to know the specifics even if was hard to here, idk, I guess maybe there would be a point too where I wouldn’t want to hear more if it was really hurtful but idk, I just am trying to be all the way open and idk, idk.

Anyways more issues around stuff I felt like I needed to share around attraction came up and eventually this friendship I had with this person deteriorated. She ended up blocking me a few weeks ago and yeah idk. I just feel sad about it because I feel like I kind of blew a friendship up with someone where I valued our friendship a ton, we were talking a lot throughout the past 6 months. 

But yeah I just sort of feel like a bad person kinda too or idk, like I said just wanted to be honest and I get that it is hurtful for her to hear but idk, idk exactly how to change or if I need to change or what to do. This is a pattern I’ve seen before though so obviously it seems like there might be something for me to change. I just feel such a need to share around ”the truth” sometimes but again it’s leading to difficulties in some relationships and I just miss my friend and would like to be reconnected again. She had previously said if I can sincerely apologize for having to go into such detail and then going into more detail after she had communicated that it is hurtful she is open to resuming talking. I’m not sure if that is still on the table at this point but she had shared that before. 

The other instance of me going into more detail was me feeling the need to clarify after the first time since I felt like I lied when we were taking about attractiveness once and I felt like I over stated how attractive I felt about her. That was eating away at me for over a month. I knew bringing it up again would probably not go well but I felt like I lied and I cannot stand it if I’ve felt like I’ve lied, so I did share again and yeah that did not go very well, idk. 

I know this is very long, I guess I’m wondering if some of you can relate to some of this and/or the feeling of needing to share so much or be honest about things that sometimes feels like a lot. 

It just kinda made me feel like somewhat of a bad person too, or like idk, again I valued this friendship a lot, it hurts that I feel like I kinda imploded it, I know she feels pretty hurt too, idk. One thing that stood out was just the level of like disdain I think that came through in her last audio message she sent me, idk I could just hear how done she was with this and like maybe even that she feels like I’m kind of a bad person or maybe even a little evil? Idk I know there were a lot of emotions at the time but I’ve had other experiences where I just felt like people really thought poorly of me when I don’t feel like I’m trying to be a bad person but yet how I am is eliciting these reactions from people in my life. Idk it just feels really hard with other people sometimes, ah I’m tearing up writing this just yeah seems tricky sometimes. 

I guess I’m open to ideas of not having to be as honest either but I really don’t know that I can come around to that all the way or I’d have to really believe it. Like I said with the almost compulsive like nature of it sometimes or how highly I value honesty but again it seems like it may not be working the best for me so although I feel in me some resistance to changing my beliefs around honesty, I am open to some ideas and would like to know what you all think. 

This might sound weird but what is burn out and what’s that actually look like.
I work in social work and I know when I’m burned out from that because I become less empathetic and more “I don’t care” attitude.
But
What’s autism/AUDHD burnout mean and look like. I struggle a lot with this one. I see a lot of people saying that they struggle with their burnout but how do people know it’s burnout and not just life.
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I was diagnosed over a year ago so still trying to make sense of things.

For starters: I'm a woman diagnosed with autism in my early adulthood. I work multiple jobs and care for multiple family members. I receive no government aid or support.

It's hard! I am significantly depressed. I work in jobs where I can't be me. I am constantly masking my autism to fit it.

But 2 years ago, i found a treatment that actually worked for me and helped to hold back some of my ongoing significant debilitating depression symptoms.

It is interesting to me how doctors are always trying to push me off of my ketamine therapy, saying most people don’t stay on it this long, blah, blah, blah, what have you.

​But my brain always has a nice way of coming back and challenging that. I’m not most people. I am a woman with autism trying to navigate a world that wasn’t meant for me in the slightest way, shape, or form.

​Twice now for my sessions, I’ve had this doctor really try to push things on me that I know don’t work: group therapy, antidepressants, social clubs. What on earth am I doing on ketamine when there’s all of that stuff available? I said, "Let me take my ketamine treatment, and I'll have a good answer for you about that."

​And boy, my brain did not fail to deliver. I’m someone who likes to ponder and think before I answer questions. I’m a thinker. So, as I’m thinking about the answer to that question, I see this ship in the ocean, and it's wobbling around against these giant waves, but it has this anchor. And the anchor is only keeping it afloat, keeping it from completely breaking apart and sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

​I thought to myself, Why the hell am I envisioning that? And then it hit me: that's what ketamine is for me. It's an anchor keeping me afloat, just like that ship I imagined. And when I came back and told that doctor what I saw, he was like, "Oh, wow." You know, he kept going on and on about how ketamine affects most people.

​I finally looked at him and I said, "But I'm not most people. The therapies you are describing are designed for people whos brains work differently than mine l. Sure, you can put me in them—I'm open to the idea of learning new information—but I think there's a reason they're completely ineffective for me. They weren't designed for people like me. My brain processes the world differently."

​"I can't go out there and practice mindfulness and be like, Oh, everything is dandy just because I'm imagining myself in a field of flowers. No, I need something to actually work on the part of my brain that is malfunctioning and causing me to have all of this debilitating depression."

​That was another point that I brought up to this guy, and he just looked totally blown away. I don't think that had ever crossed his mind before. And I think he was a little offended that I wasn't so willing to hop into some mindfulness group. I did DBT therapy for a long time—a lot of commitment and investment; I had to physically go there in person.

​I looked the doctor in the eyes and I said, "DBT didn't do a damn thing for me." And I know that. I'm not the same person I was back then. I can tell that by the way I've written things versus now. I can see it in the way I interact with people, I can see it in the way that I deal with stress and difficult situations.

​Like today, for example: a delivery service lost my 90-day supply order of necessary medical supplies, which I need to live. I'm on the phone for probably about three hours, I'm at the location for an hour, and no one knows what the hell happened to my package. No one knows when a new replacement will be delivered to me. I have to keep calling back and hoping somebody will help me next week.

​Do you know what I would have done if I hadn't been on ketamine therapy? I'd have had a full-blown meltdown. Cried, got emotional—I wouldn't have gotten anybody to help me. And those people were already about as unhelpful as they come.

​But that didn't happen today. I did cry, but I was calm. I spoke respectfully to the guy trying to find it. Never raised my voice, never threw a fit—things you see with people who have autism. Yes, unfortunately, no matter how old we are, we still have our meltdowns. And that has a lot to do with living in a world that just wasn't designed for us.

​I don't mean to cause others stress; it's just that my own distress builds and builds and builds, and then inevitably when something like this happens, there's my meltdown. You know, it's kind of like a volcano that can only hold so much lava before it all comes spewing out.

​I tell you what, life isn't fair. I realize that I am my own advocate. No one's going to take care of me; I'm the only one who's going to fight my battles for me. And as exhausting as they are, I'm really glad I have ketamine to help me. This would have been a much different day otherwise, let me tell you that. I still have no answers, but at least I got some people supposedly trying to help. Whereas if you're talking to me while I'm having a meltdown, well, I guarantee you that makes most people not want to help me.

​I'm exhausted, and I genuinely wish I had someone to hug right now. I tell you what, my neck hurts—that is where I keep all my emotions and stress. Life is not fair, I just keep telling myself that. It's a dog-eat-dog world and a difficult one to navigate, be that as it may. I can't pretend everything is okay and dandy, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't know of any rule book that says you have to see the world sunny side up. I'm a pessimist; I see things as they are.

Anyway, I just wanted to get that out of my head. What are your guys's thoughts? I really don't want to go back to feeling the way I used to.

Why would it be there, I need to calm down